Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/Archive/23

Wylie Stateman

Wylie Stateman Wylie Stateman

Hello and thank you for taking a look at this page, especially interested to hear your thoughts since Wylie is up for an Oscar this weekend.

Best

Soundsoff (talk) 00:46, 5 March 2010 (UTC)Soundsoff

User:Joey_Babbitt/Cornerstone_Church_of_San_Diego

Cornerstone Church of San Diego

I'm working on an article about a local church, Cornerstone Church of San Diego. It has gained notoriety lately since it was named the 3rd fastest growing church in America by Outreach Magazine. The pastor also has the service broadcasted on a local Christian radio station, KPRZ, on Sunday morning. Looking at other churches in Wikipedia, I believe this church merits inclusion. Am I correct? Joey Babbitt (talk) 02:21, 7 March 2010 (UTC)

I see that you have now moved it to the mainspace. I have reviewed it and removed the tag. – ukexpat (talk) 18:11, 8 March 2010 (UTC)

Trozzolo Communications Group

Please review the userpage for Trozzolo Communications Group Moraqjo (talk) 02:17, 8 March 2010 (UTC)

At the moment the subject does not appear to be notable per the guidelines set out at WP:CORP - you will have to cite significant coverage in reliable sources to establish notability, minor coverage in a local newspaper doesn't cut it I am afraid.  – ukexpat (talk) 18:02, 8 March 2010 (UTC)

Ryoji Ikeda

User:Formaartsandmedia Has deleted a photograph from the Ryoji Ikeda article saying that "I've remomed Ryoji's photograph as he does not allow his photo to be taken and/or used for publicity or media purposes." "We are pursuing the user directly in regards to this. Please do not re-upload this image." The photograph would appear to have the correct creative commons license. what are anyones thoughts? Teapotgeorge^Talk 18:01, 8 March 2010 (UTC)

The removal of the image has been reverted and the user blocked. Not much more to be said really.  – ukexpat (talk) 21:25, 8 March 2010 (UTC)

French Bull LLC Latest Draft

Looking for feedback on this latest French Bull Draft, thank you so much for your help http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User_talk:161e61 161e61 3/8/2010161e61 (talk) 21:30, 8 March 2010 (UTC)

Two major problems as indicated by the tags: the company does not appear to be notable per the guidelines at WP:CORP; second, it needs much better sourcing to support notability, see WP:RS.  – ukexpat (talk) 21:52, 8 March 2010 (UTC)

Liberty Island

{{Done}} - no response from requester. – ukexpat (talk) 19:54, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Liberty Island expanded and re-organized articleDjflem (talk) 14:14, 3 February 2010 (UTC)

Looks pretty good - not sure what else to say! – ukexpat (talk) 02:41, 30 March 2010 (UTC)

Mark Collard

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 19:59, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

I've posted this article about User:In2play/Mark Collard who has been instrumental in popularising and developing the field of adventure education in Australia. He has also written 3 top-selling texts in regards activities used in the field. This is only a start, and I am still looking for more sources to add further information about his accomplishments over the past 20 years. I'm looking for feedback, as this is my first Wikipedia article contribution.

I woudl like to get some feedback about how to create those boxes which appear in top right-hand side which give vital stats, such as DOB, spouse, kids, etc.

cheers, Will 4 Feb 2010 In2play (talk) 01:55, 4 February 2010 (UTC)

Granary Buildings, Leeds

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 20:02, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Granary Buildings, Leeds

Any feedback on this article would be welcome.

This is an important, historic building but there doesn't seem to be any mention of it in the Leeds and Liverpool Canal or Architecture of Leeds articles.

EricPolymath (talk) 09:30, 4 February 2010 (UTC)

Not a bad start. A couple of additional references would help establish notability. I'd also suggest consolidating some of the paragraphs, they are really too short now. --Nuujinn (talk) 23:32, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Joseph Matheny

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 20:20, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Joseph Matheny

(````) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Setianson (talk • contribs) 18:43, 17 February 2010 (UTC)

Gamma Phi

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 20:12, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Was hoping to get some feedback on my new article, Gamma Phi. This is my first article to write, and while the information is all from the same source, the purpose was to consolidate a lot of information into one relatively small article. No rush on the review, but I'd be glad to have it looked over, especially for any violations or other potential warnings.

To whomever reviews this--thanks in advance for your time. :-) --Warbirdadmiral (talk) 05:23, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

The single source is a problem - it is a self-reference and therefore cannot be used to demonstrate notability per WP:ORG. What you need to find are multiple non-trivial references in reliable sources. I have added a couple of maintenance tags to this effect. – ukexpat (talk) 04:04, 30 March 2010 (UTC)

Unfortunately, due to the short time of existence, and the age of the organization (members long since deceased), this is probably the only notable source, other than maybe a yearbook or two (which are referenced in the source). Indeed, it may not qualify for notability, but this is likely the only significant source to the page. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Warbirdadmiral (talk • contribs) 21:21, 31 March 2010 (UTC)

User:Tjarrett/Veracode

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 21:03, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

(Also posted on the New Contributors' Help Page, where they suggested I post here.)

I am an experienced editor with a conflict of interest on an article in my userspace--the article is about my employer. I have made a few passes through it for peacock terms etc and have done my best to establish notability, but would appreciate new eyes on the article to help me weed out any other issues. I'd like to request a review of the article to see if it can be moved to the main article namespace. -Tjarrett (talk) 17:12, 1 March 2010 (UTC)

Well, there does appear to be a conflict of interest problem, but I'm sure we all appreciate your honesty. I think you can establish notability given that you have a handful of sources not directly associated with the firm. I'd suggest dropping the references that come from the veracode website, regardless of the original source, and see what else you can find out and about on the net. Nuujinn (talk) 00:16, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, Nuujinn. Am going to go through and remove the references that point to Veracode.com and source from other locations, and see what else can be done to bring in external points of reference. -Tjarrett (talk) 18:04, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

Okay. Citations that previously pointed at Veracode.com now point to appropriate conference websites (for research presentations) or the referenced content has been deleted from the article. I also added content from two articles about the company in the offerings section. Could you take another look and see if there are other areas of concern I should address? -Tjarrett (talk) 20:10, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

I think it's better, but it's still pretty promotional. Someone else should probably take a look, tho, I work in IT, and my POV is a bit slanted. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Nuujinn (talk • contribs) 15:41, 6 March 2010 (UTC)

OK. Posting second request for review below, then. Could I get one more reviewer to take a look at User:Tjarrett/Veracode? I am keen to find any more specific areas that need to be addressed for bias. -Tjarrett (talk) 19:10, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

Help in publishing new article on a "green energy" leader in Austin

{{Done}} - no response from requester. – ukexpat (talk) 20:55, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

I am posting an article, but am having trouble. The instructions say when you're ready to make it live you just click the "move" tab at the top of the page. Problem is I don't have a "move" tab visible.

So how to make my test page live?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Crboisseau/Roger_Duncan

Also, I have a photo, but I can't seem to upload it -- it's a copyright photo and I was going to give credit to the source, a local newspaper, but can't find out if this is ok to do or not.

my email is <redacted>

Thanks,

Charles Boisseau —Preceding unsigned comment added by Crboisseau (talk • contribs) 17:18, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

I will take a look at the draft as soon as I can. In the meantime a standard image help message follows, but subject to a very narrow range of exceptions, copyrighted images of living people are not acceptable for use on Wikipdia:

• If you want to add an existing image to an article, add [[Image:File name.jpg|thumb|Caption text.]] to the area of the article where you want the image to appear – replacing File name.jpg with the actual file name of the image, and Caption text with a short description of the image. See our picture tutorial for more information.
• If you want to upload an image from your computer for use in an article, you must find out what the proper license of the image is. If you know the image is licensed under a free-license, upload it to the Wikimedia Commons instead of here, so that all projects have access to the image (sign up). If you are unsure what license the image takes, see the file upload wizard for more information. Please also read Wikipedia's image use policy. I hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 22:42, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

Michelle Dartis/The Chris Gonzalez Library and Archives

{{Done}} – ukexpat (talk) 20:52, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Michelle Dartis/The Chris Gonzalez Library and Archives

I am a new contributor to Wikipedia.com. My article is about the Chris Gonzalez Library and Archives, The one and only GLBT library in Indianapolis, Indiana. It delves into the history of the library and its founder and basically how it came into existence.

At the end, I give an explanation about the namesake of the library.Michelle D. Dartis 18:03, 9 March 2010 (UTC)Michelle D. Dartis 1:00 p.m., 9 March 2010. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Michelle Dartis (talk • contribs)

I don’t have time at the moment to give this the attention it deserves, but I will come back. In the meantime, I fixed your references. See WP:Cite and WP:FOOT for more details on how to do references.SPhilbrickT 18:22, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

• I moved the image to the right, (per Article Layout guidelines)
• I added a caption to the image, feel free to edit or remove it.
• You have "Indy Pride, Inc.," in square brackets. I removed them.
• I don't think "Bob and Margaret Green" should be capitalized, but I'm not sure.
• "Brainchild" is arguably a WP:PEACOCK word, although it isn't in the list.
• I made a few other minor changes, which you can see by looking at the edit history (if you don't know how, just ask).
• I removed the reference section you created, as references are automatically generated if you add the {{reflist}} template, as I did for you
• I converted the references style to Wp:LDR
• We generally don't use "ibid", so I changed those references.
• I want to fix Indy pride link, but later
• You list the address at 815 Muskingham Street. Isn't it at 1112 Southeastern Ave. ? I can't find 815 Muskingham Street. Indy Pride lists their location at Muskingham but they really mean Muskingum; I fixed it
• Nice start, still needs a little copy editing, but looks good.--SPhilbrickT 14:15, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

I also removed the initial section header, so it has a proper lede, which moves the TOC down to the usual location.--SPhilbrickT 14:26, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

I added a coordinates templates, so there is a link in the upper right corner, which gives people the ability to go to a map of the location

Thanks so much for reviewing and cleaning this article up. I tried to correct the things that you did, but it was taking a long time to find the directions I needed and I simply gave up! I really all the updates and glad you were able to get to it so quickly.Michelle D. Dartis 17:13, 10 March 2010 (UTC)Michelle Dartis —Preceding unsigned comment added by Michelle Dartis (talk • contribs)

There are still problems with the tone, it does read a bit like a promotional piece and some of the language isn't encyclopedic: "proud recipient", "for generations to come", "the library's role was to keep a shining light" etc. – ukexpat (talk) 17:57, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

Scott Cutshall

{{Done}} - no further response from requester. – ukexpat (talk) 21:00, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Scott Cutshall

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Herbert Blockstein (talk) 06:41, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

Sorry, I made an error with the link to the article. Still learning.

Herbert Blockstein (talk) 06:42, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

We were all new here once, and it can be confusing. Stick with it, and you'll be a pro in no time. Here's a better way to link to your draft: Scott Cutshall. (Click on the edit button to see what to type.)

Actually on this page it is more helpful not to "pipe" the page link so that we can quickly determine whether the page is in mainspace or userspace. I fixed it in the request above. – ukexpat (talk) 14:36, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

Good point.--SPhilbrickT 14:59, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

• You should take a look at Article Layout, to see how the article should be organized. Sections will help, rather than just one unbroken section.
• You have some references, but you need to use Wikipedia:Inline citations, so we can see that factual claims are supported by the references.
• It is important to establish Notability. Perhaps some of your links do that, but addressing the point above will help us determine whether the claims of notability are established.
• The rumor about the book must be cited to a reliable source or removed.--SPhilbrickT 15:08, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

Thank you, all. Great input, and I'll start working on it very soon! Herbert Blockstein (talk) 05:13, 11 March 2010 (UTC)

STREET SPIRIT

{{Done}} - no response from requester. – ukexpat (talk) 03:38, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Article name STREET SPIRIT. [[1]]

I would like feedback on this article. I want it to go live as well, if all is in sufficiently notable.

Chalkboardstyle 08:42, 20 March 2010 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Chalkboardstyle (talk • contribs)

It is a nice start, the main suggestion I have is that the article is too promotional in content and tone. Youtube isn't considered a reliable source, so you should probably lose those references. The list of external references should probably be trimmed to just his home page, listing five personal sites implies this is intended to promote him.

Also, the format of your references needs some clean up, see WP:Cite Web for a good simple template. I took the liberty of cleaning up the IMA references as an example. You don't need a manually formated reference section, the REFLIST will take care of that for you. Let me know if you have any questions. Nuujinn (talk) 11:28, 20 March 2010 (UTC)

Actually that's WP:CITE. – ukexpat (talk) 18:57, 20 March 2010 (UTC)

Feedback on South Jordan, Utah

{{Done}} - no response from requester. – ukexpat (talk) 03:37, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

This is my first big rewrite of an article. The article had a cleanup tag on for 2 1/2 years. I'd like some suggestions and criticisms... My writing is like the driving of a very drunk person, so any help would be welcome.03:41, 21 March 2010 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Bgwhite (talk • contribs)

When you leave messages, please remember to "sign" your name, by putting ~~~~ (four tilde signs) at the end. This will add your name, and the date and time. You can also do this by clicking the 'sign' button, pictured here.

• I am unable to access the website given as ref 22, http://www.countyfair.slco.org/
• In "Transportation", the wikilink to frontrunner seems to point to an incorrect location
• Units of measure should use non-breaking spaces; some do, some do not. For example, in "Geography" it has 4,300 feet (1,310 m) - the best solution is to use conversion templates; in this case, you could use {{convert|4300|ft|m}} - producing the code 4,300 feet (1,300 m), displaying as 4,300 feet (1,300 m). Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers)
• In "Bus crash", 100  feet lacks a conversion
• All references that include a URL, such as Casualty Toll in Bus Tragedy Mounts to 24, require an access date.
• The list, Famous people, should be in alphabetic order.
• Reference 3, U.S. Census Bureau - 2008 population estimate, does not have a 'citation' template, and therefore looks different in style to other references
• 3.5 miles (5.6 km) section of the Jordan River Parkway... - sentences should not begin with numerals. In this case, it could perhaps be A 3.5 mile (5.6 km) section of the Jordan River Parkway... (This is an example; there are others in the article, e.g. "67-acre (27 ha) Oquirrh Lake sits inside")
• The Branch consisted of just 9 families. - numbers under 10 should be written out in words - "nine families".(Example only; others include "2 high schools")
• Ensure that dates are formatted consistently; currently, for example, in "Twentieth century" it says incorporate on 8 November 1935, but in "Bus crash" it says occurred on Thursday, December 1, 1938, at approximately...
• moving his family along the Jordan River, at about 9000 South - I do not know what '9000 South' is (and later, 12500 South) - presumably it is some kind of mapping region - could this be clarified?
• You might consider adding page references to the book sources - it would certainly help with ref 13, for example. There are a few ways to do it - I quite like harvard-style references; for an example, see the notes and references sections in Marco Polo. If you need help with it, give me a shout.

I've made a few copyedits; nothing much, and please take it as suggestions - check them over. I suggest that you get a peer review, with a view to moving it to good article status. Cheers!  Chzz  ►  16:16, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

Musical ear

{{Done}} - no response from requester. – ukexpat (talk) 03:35, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Hello. I've created my first wiki article. Not sure if it should be a separate article or under Ear Training, but I felt there was a need for a page to present information about musical talent. Probably it's a stub. Thanks for the feedback.

Kostelf (talk) 13:30, 21 March 2010 (UTC)

• The phrase 'musical ear' sounds a little strange - like an 'ear that plays music'; I think that 'an ear for music' is the more common expression?

• At the moment, the article is very short, and might be considered just a dictionary definition - which is not acceptable. I think that you need to be very careful of original research, particularly synthesis, with this topic.

• Avoid contractions - instead of "There's" you should put "There is".

• I am not sure that the external link is appropriate; they should be "further research that is accurate and on-topic, information that could not be added to the article for reasons such as copyright or amount of detail" (WP:EL) - blog sites rarely meet these requirements.

The biggest problem that you face with a topic like this (ie something rather ephemeral) is sticking to hard facts referenced to reliable sources, rather than introducing opinion; it might be possible to make such an article, but it is always a challenge.

I hope that this feedback is constructive, and gives you ideas - please do not be downhearted by the criticism; I sincerely hope that you will add more to Wikipedia. Best,  Chzz  ►  11:45, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

Random Soul Theory

{{done}} – ukexpat (talk) 03:34, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Hi there,

Why did you not like my definition of the Random Soul Theory?

In my opinion a new theory should be taken seriously and be analyzed with an open mind.

After studying and researched this topic in many different cultures I have reached the conclusion that a theory can be interpreted in many different ways.

Please give me feedback of why you don't like my theory.

Thanks in advance.

Regards, Espen —Preceding unsigned comment added by Espen Marthinsen (talk • contribs) 14:55, 21 March 2010 (UTC)

According to the deletion log it was deleted because there was not enough context to identify article's subject and because it appeared to be a test page. – ukexpat (talk) 15:40, 21 March 2010 (UTC)

Also, do bear in mind that Wikipedia does not publish original research, and that includes new theories. It may well be a good idea to take new theories seriously and analyze them with an open mind, but Wikipedia is not the right forum for this process, because it only accepts articles on subjects that have already had sufficient meaningful coverage elsewhere to render them notable. Karenjc 15:04, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

Alex Henshall

{{Done}} - deleted per Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Alex Henshall. – ukexpat (talk) 03:32, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Hi,

I have just finished creating my first wikipedia article, is an article for a football (soccer) player currently playing for Swindon Town called Alex Henshall. As this is my first page that I have created I am eager to get some feedback on it and see what I can improve on in any future entries that I create.

Thank you and I await your helpful feedback.

wikilink - Alex Henshall

Skullage (talk) 22:12, 21 March 2010 (UTC)

An excellent first article; well done. Some suggestions;

• Don't link England - it is a form of overlinking.
• You could make the references clearer. For example, at the moment you have;

<ref>http://www.swindontownfc.co.uk/page/ProfilesDetail/0,,10341~49604,00.html</ref>

...which looks like this in the references section;

...if, instead, you were to put this;

<ref>[http://www.swindontownfc.co.uk/page/ProfilesDetail/0,,10341~49604,00.html Swindon Town F.C. Official website]</ref>

...then it would look like this;

• You could expand the first section (known as the lede - this should be a summary of the whole article.
• I suggest removing the level-2 heading == Career ==, and changing the level-3 headings "Early days", "Swindon Town" and "England Under-16" to level 2; it seems unnecessary to have the additional level for an article of this size.
• As with almost all articles, the referencing could be improved. It helps greatly if you can add information from good, independent reliable sources, such as newspaper articles. A good place to start looking is by searching Google News archives like this

I hope that helps.  Chzz  ►  13:26, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

The Silver Star Families of America

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 03:30, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Request assistance and opinions on The Silver Star Service Banner.

[[2]]

I have a conflict of interest and I want the article to be unbiased and factual

Plus I am new

Smile

Thank you all and God bless

Steven1969 (talk) 00:59, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

An interesting topic. One question would be whether or not this should be incorporated into Service Flag, which as it stands now is pretty short. That would be the best way to go, I think, since it mitigates some potential problems. The prose in your article does need some work, and it could use some additional verifiable and reliable sources. It needs a lead, but that's easy to start by breaking apart the first two sections with a section heading. Let me know if you want any help, Nuujinn (talk) 10:53, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

Institute of Photogrammetry and GeoInformation (IPI), Hannover, Germany

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 03:28, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Institute of Photogrammetry and GeoInformation (IPI), Hannover, Germany 67.186.0.165 (talk) 06:52, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

Scottish Slimmers

{{Done}} – ukexpat (talk) 03:21, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Scottish Slimmers Yvette Rayner 22 Mar 10 Yvetterayner (talk) 12:18, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

• At least one part of this article was copied directly from a copyrighted source; I removed that with this edit. Please be very careful not to introduce copyrighted material to Wikipedia.  Chzz  ►  13:42, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

• Much of the article does not conform to a neutral point of view - it is written like an advertisement. For example, Scottish Slimmers provides sensible and healthy weight loss for those who choose to lose weight and lead a healthier lifestyle - whilst the company may well claim to do this, it is not an independently verifiable fact. Language such as Positive Eating allows members to get slim and stay slim without feeling isolated or deprived. does not belong in a Wikipedia article.
• It’s usual for members to experience a faster rate of weight loss in the first two weeks - any strong assertions like this must have an independent reliable source, otherwise they must be removed.  Chzz  ►  13:46, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

• Not surprising as Yvette Rayner appears to be responsible for marketing at Scottish Slimmers. – ukexpat (talk) 17:13, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

Praecipio Consulting

{{Done}} - no response from requester. – ukexpat (talk) 03:23, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

I would appreciate feedback on this article.

Best, Brian Nunnery  · EMAIL ADDRESS REMOVED  Chzz  ►  16:57, 22 March 2010 (UTC) · —Preceding unsigned comment added by Briannunnery (talk • contribs) 16:00, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

No reliable sources to show company meets WP:ORG. --NeilN ^{talk to me} 17:01, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

Sarus (Goth)

{{Done}} – ukexpat (talk) 03:22, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Sarus (Goth)

To Whom It May Concern

This is my first article. There were several links to a disambiguation page but no article as such, so I made it as I have a good knowledge of the subject. However I have several problems, most of which I've already posted on Talk:Sarus (Goth) but to summarise:

• I need help with wording, I think some of mine is quite awkward, maybe a bit POV or purple-prosey (esp. conclusion);
  
• I don't currently have access to (my) secondary sources apart from what's on the net. I don't think this is a huge problem because mentions of the subject are so scattered anyway but help would be appreciated;
  
• Tribal and clan aspects of the subject - I feel unqualified for this aspect because of prejudice and ignorance;
  
• The primary sources are pretty messed up, though I doubt there's anything much anyone can do to help on this one :-) but more viewpoints on interpretation are welcome;
  
• Other specific problems probably best left for discussion page once more knowledgeable people than I come in.

Thank you in advance for your time and effort.

Jmullaly (talk) 09:19, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Congratulations on an excellent start. Yes, the tone can be tweaked and there may be some more sources, including those checkable online, which would improve it further, but it's a perfectly respectable short article now and far, far better than the vast majority of first articles, with hatnote, categories and links to other articles all present and correct in addition to the content itself. I would suggest you tag the article's talk page with appropriate Wikiproject tags - would those on Talk:Sigeric and Talk:Ataulf also apply to Sarus? - and this will attract the attention of Wikipedians with an interest in the subject, who may be able to address the content and sourcing issues you've raised. An image would be nice too, if possible. Thank you for making this interesting article, and happy editing. Karenjc 17:06, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

I agree that it's a good start. A couple of additional points: you should work the material in the Conclusions section into the rest of the article. Encyclopedia articles do not have conclusions, and such sections are usually the hallmark of a term paper or an essay. You should also break down the article into more sections. Shorter sections are much more easy on the eye than one long paragraph. I have also fixed the heading levels - main sections are heading level 2, and I removed the stub templates - this is far from a stub. – ukexpat (talk) 20:50, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Thank you both. Karen, the problem with the sources is they're horrible, scattered, confusing, incestuous and hard to interpret - not that they're few. I've actually included all but one that exist. The secondary literature suffers from many of the same problems. I've added some categories to attract specialists - thanks, I was using the stubs for that. I don't know if I can find an image of Sarus, maybe a generic Goth will do - a big, hairy one with a huge sword and a wolfskin cloak. Sarus was not a temperate or reassuring man. Ukexpat I will take your advice, thanks.

Another thing occurs to me - as is, the article is very disjointed, partly due to the sources. The man pops up here and there for a brief period, in some small and large events, then disappears. By following the links a user can get the backstory, but should I include more of it in the article to make it smoother and more comprehensible? --Jmullaly (talk) 23:04, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Anything you can do to improve the flow and readability, I guess in marketingspeak you would call it "the reader experience", would be good. – ukexpat (talk) 20:52, 26 March 2010 (UTC)

Scottish Slimmers

{{Done}}

Scottish Slimmers

I see that my page was deleted however I do not understand why as I complied with advice given by removing promotional phrases and including more reliable citations. I do have a conflict of interest but I believe I have complied with the guidance but would appreciate more information if possible. Thank you.

Yvette Rayner 23 March

Yvetterayner (talk) 10:44, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

It was deleted because it was still an advertisement masquerading as an article. You can ask the admin who deleted it (User:Anthony Appleyard) if he would undelete it to your userspace so you can work on it there at your own pace; or you can request that someone else create the article by heading over to Articles for Creation and following the instructions there. – ukexpat (talk) 13:47, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

I cannot see how to contact the admin who deleted it. Am I OK to try again? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Yvetterayner (talk • contribs) 11:34, 24 March 2010 (UTC)

I replied on your talk page. – ukexpat (talk) 14:13, 24 March 2010 (UTC)

ajuda

{{Done}} (I think). – ukexpat (talk) 03:20, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

sera que um sheik poderia ajudar para meu trabalho,dar uma cotribuição <email address removed> —Preceding unsigned comment added by 201.62.129.235 (talk) 13:58, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

You're asking for someone to give you feedback, but the only edits from your IP address have been to this page, so we can't see which article you want us to comment on. I have removed your email address to protect your privacy; queries on this page are answered here, not by email. Karenjc 17:17, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Looking for feedback

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 03:19, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Hey, looking for a review/feedback for the followig article: The Marionettes Chorale

Cheers, Larasister (talk) 16:33, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Wow, this is very well-referenced! I think the legibility of the article would be improved by cutting down on the lists somewhat - for example, the article has

the Chorale also completed non-competitive tours in the Caribbean (Curaçao, Grenada, St Vincent, Barbados, Jamaica), and in North America and Central America (New York, Toronto, Montreal, Miami, Philadelphia[7] Washington DC, and Costa Rica).

While the level of detail is commendable, encyclopedias have a degree of superficiality in them and every stop on a tour, in my view, doesn't add much as much information for the curious reader as it hurts the flow and thus the legibility of the sentence. I would suggest something more like this:

the Chorale also completed non-competitive tours in throughout Caribbean, in many major North American cities, and in Costa Rica.

This is purely a stylistic suggestion, however, and others might disagree. --YixilTesiphon ^Talk_Contribs 19:34, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

I would tend to agree with you. Also, the list of awards should he pared down to the major prizes, ie wins, otherwise it is in danger of becoming too promotional. Also the list of external links is way too long. Any that are already used as references should be removed and the rest reviewed in light of the external links guideline. – ukexpat (talk) 20:32, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

I also created a redirect at Marionettes Chorale. – ukexpat (talk) 20:36, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Regarding the entry on Chen Chimutengwende

{{Done}} - no response from requester. – ukexpat (talk) 03:19, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Dear friends,

I see that you do not have enough information on Chen Chimtengwende. I hereby paste for your use.

Extended content

Name: Chen Chimutengwende Date of Birth: 28 August, 1943 Marital Status: Married <contact details redacted> Chenhamo Chakezha Chen Chimutengwende is normally and conveniently known as just “Chen Chimutengwende”. Chen is an activist and a writer who supports revolutionary Pan-Afrikanism and global revolutionary ecosocialism. He did his military and ideological training by experts from the Chinese People’s Liberation Army in 1964/5 in the Ghanaian Army in Ghana during Dr Kwame Nkrumah’s time. Chen was awarded “The Medal of the Order of the City of Havana” in 1995 by the State Council of Cuba as a result of his consistent and continuous support for the Cuban revolution. He has made immense contributions to the media all over the world as a journalist since 1968. He is published extensively and internationally. Current Posts and Activities 1. Founder President and the Editor of the website of Afrika Global Network-AGN (www.afrikaglobalnetwork.com since August 2008. AGN is an international and independent network of revolutionary Pan-Afrikanist organizations, institutions, groups and individual activists working both separately and collectively, and both locally and internationally for “The Future of Afrika and the Black World”. It operates at the international level carrying out various projects, tasks, programmes and activities which include research, mass dissemination of information, networking, campaigning, mass mobilization, development and solidarity work. 2. Founder Chairman: Zimbabwe Foundation for Sustainable Development (ZFSD) since September 2009. This is a non-profit-making and independent organization whose mandate covers charitable, environmental, educational and mobilizational aspects of work. It carries out charitable work, research, information dissemination and campaigns in support of the eradication of poverty and for sustainable development. 3. He is currently writing a book under the auspices of AGN. The book is on “The Future of Afrika and the Black World”. It will be completed in 2011. Previous Posts and Activities 4. Member of Parliament of Zimbabwe for 23 years up to 2008. 5. Government Minister for 14 years up to 2008 in Zimbabwe. He served as the Minister of the following Ministries: Information, Posts and Telecommunications; Environment and Tourism; and, Public and Interactive Affairs in the Office of the President and Cabinet. 6. Member of the Board of Directors of Worldtel Ltd from 2002 to 2008. It is a London based private company which was sponsored by the Worldtel Assembly of Governors in Geneva. 7. Elected in 2002 and served up to 2008 as Chairman: Worldtel Assembly of Governors (Geneva based). It is an organization which was initiated by the International Telecommunications Union (ITU). Worldtel Assembly of Governors is aimed at closing the global telecommunications gap between industrialized and developing countries by mobilising private sector funds for the purpose. 8. Elected as Vice Chairman in September 1999, in Tunis at a conference of 43 African Ministers and Heads of Delegation of the Assembly of Parties of RASCOM (Regional African Satellite Communications Organisation) for two years. The Minister of Communications of the host country, Tunisia, was elected Chairman. RASCOM was set up by the OAU for the purpose of establishing a dedicated satellite system for the African continent. 9. Appointed Chairman by the ITU on behalf of the developing countries in Geneva in October 1999 to chair the Telecom Development Summit (TDS) of the ITU. This was a global summit of Ministers and Chief Executive Officers of companies aimed at identifying new and possible opportunities in telecommunications improvement and expansion in developing countries. 10. Elected as Chairman of the United Nations High Level Environmental Committee of Ministers and Senior Officials in 1997 for two years. This was in New York at a UN conference with 104 Ministers of Environment and Heads of Delegation. 11. Elected as President of the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change in 1996 for two years. This was in Geneva at a UN conference with 182 Ministers of Environment and Heads of Delegation. 12. Appointed in 1984 as Director of Personnel and Public Relations in the Agricultural and Rural Development Authority (ARDA) until 1985 when he became a Member of Parliament. 13. Appointed part-time lecturer for the M.A. Programme on “Social Development and Political Change” at the University of Zimbabwe, 1984 to 1985. 14. Appointed Senior Lecturer in Journalism and Mass Communications at the Zimbabwe Institute of Mass Communications (ZIMCO). This was initially under the: Ministry of Information, Posts and Telecommunications and later it became part of the Harare Polytechnic, 1982 to 1984. 15. Appointed in 1983 as member of the University of Zimbabwe Committee to advice on the setting up of the Postgraduate Programme for Media Studies in the University in 1983. 16. Appointed Correspondent for Eastern and Southern Africa of the International Social Science Journal of UNESCO, Paris, from 1980 to 2003. 17. Appointed Chief Correspondent of Inter-Press Service (which is Rome based) for Eastern and Southern Africa in 1980 until 1983. 18. Appointed Senior Lecturer in Journalism and Mass Communications in the School of Journalism of the University of Nairobi and later became the Head of the same School. This was from 1980 to 1982. He was also member of the University Senate. 19. Invited by the Chinese Government to visit China for four weeks in 1979 as one of the twelve members of the British Distinguished Persons Delegation. The idea was that on their return from the study tour of China, the members would improve on their writings and public lectures internationally on Chinese affairs. The members were writers and academics. 20. Appointed in 1979 and served until 1980 as UNESCO Consultant on Mass Communications, with special reference to broadcasting training needs covering nine countries of Eastern and Southern Africa. The position was based in Nairobi. 21. Appointed Deputy Director of the Journalism Programme and Senior Lecturer in Mass Communications and International Affairs, International Press Institute, City University, London, 1978 to 1979. 22. Appointed as Rapporteur in 1977 for the “Proceedings of the Working Group of International Experts on Black Civilisation and Mass Media of the FESTAC Colloquium whose report was published in the book:“Colloquium Proceedings , Volume 1, FESTAC, Colloquium on Black Civilisation and Education”, Federal Ministry of Education, Lagos, 1977” ). He served both as a Rapporteur and author of the report for this Working Group of International Experts. 23. Founder President of the Kwame Nkrumah Institute of Writers and Journalists, London, 1970 to 1977. 24. Appointed in 1970 as a member of the Editorial board of the Black Dwarf which later became the Red Mole edited by Tariq Ali. This was a Marxist fortnightly newspaper published in London. In 1972 Chen launched his own monthly newspaper in London which was called The Liberation Struggle. It covered news and theoretical issues about liberation struggles in Afrika, Asia and Latin America. He was the Editor of this newspaper until 1974 when he left for full-time post-graduate studies at the University of Bradford. 25. Appointed Executive Director: Europe-Third World Research Centre, London in 1969 and served until 1974. The Centre was established and funded by the World Student Christian Federation (WSCF) with the assistance of the World Council of Churches both based in Geneva. This was a research and information centre on the economic, political, social and ecclesiastical relationship between Europe and the Third World. The aim of the Centre was to expose and campaign against the iniquitous nature of the relations between the industrialized and the developing countries. Education Chen holds a social science Masters Degree from the University of Bradford in England where he specialized on “The Functions, Processes and Challenges of Mass Communications in Peaceful and Conflictual Situations in Politics and International Relations”. He re-wrote his M.A. dissertation and got it published as a book under the title: South Africa: The Press and the Politics of Liberation, Barbican Books, London, 1978. He was admitted as a Ph.D student in the same University in 1976. His thesis was on “Mass Media and the State in the Socio-Economic Development Process”. He did not finish his doctoral thesis because that was the time when he started moving from one appointment or assignment to another internationally, and these were so exciting, irresistible and critically important to his future role in society that he could not ignore them.

Profile prepared by Chen Chimutengwende, March 24, 2010 —Preceding unsigned comment added by 64.86.27.14 (talk) 14:52, 24 March 2010 (UTC)

I have collapsed your draft text as this is not the place to post draft articles or suggested revisions to articles. You appear to be Chen Chimtengwende so you should not be creating the article yourself. You may be notable as Wikipedia defines that term and we have a process in these circumstances for suggesting articles for creation: please go to WP:AFC and follow the instructions. Finally and most importantly, you should never post personal details such as address and phone number on Wikipedia - this is a highly visible site on the internet and doing so is just asking for trouble. I will contact Oversight and have the details permanently deleted and I have redacted them for now. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 15:54, 24 March 2010 (UTC)

I see now that the article already exists at Chenhanho Chimutengwende (and a near dupe at Chen Chimutengwende that I will merge into and redirect to the first one), so please go to the article's talk page at Talk:Chenhanho Chimutengwende and suggest the changes that need to be made to the existing article. Please remember to provide references to reliable sources for your suggested changes. – ukexpat (talk) 17:00, 24 March 2010 (UTC)

Kenosha Yacht Club

{{Done}} - deleted per Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Kenosha Yacht Club. – ukexpat (talk) 03:16, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenosha_Yacht_Club —Preceding unsigned comment added by Edwinmontano (talk • contribs) 23:50, 24 March 2010 (UTC)

At the moment the article has no references to demonstrate the club's notability per WP:CLUB. You must cite significant coverage in multiple reliable sources to evidence notability otherwise the article will probably be nominated for deletion. The tone is also a little promotional so you should look at how that can be toned down. – ukexpat (talk) 02:06, 25 March 2010 (UTC)

Boustead Singapore Limited

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 02:39, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Could someone help to review the writing of Boustead Singapore Limited and Edward Boustead as I hope it can be submitted to the main space. I'm not too sure if the style of writing is okay for Wikipedia. Thank you.

Athenak (talk) 01:22, 25 March 2010 (UTC)

NB: Both are already in mainspace, but unreviewed.  – ukexpat (talk) 01:30, 25 March 2010 (UTC)

How come I am unable to search for them when I type in the words "Boustead"? Is it because it is unreviewed? Thanks. Athenak (talk) 03:35, 25 March 2010 (UTC)

You mean in the Wikipedia search feature? Because it can take a while for Wikipedia's search engine to catch up. – ukexpat (talk) 03:40, 25 March 2010 (UTC)

Someone has to review the article before the tag unreviewed can be cleaned up? How long will this take? Thanks!

Athenak (talk) 03:46, 3 April 2010 (UTC)

Laura Santtini

{{Done}} - speedily deleted as spam. – ukexpat (talk) 03:06, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Hi,

I am looking for feedback on the above article.

Thank you

Spoon HQ

14th April 2010 —Preceding unsigned comment added by SpoonHQ (talk • contribs) 12:39, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Draft is at User:SpoonHQ/ Laura Santtini. – ukexpat (talk) 16:59, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

New York Food Tours

{{Done}} - advice ignored; moved to mainspace; tagged for speedy deletion as spam. – ukexpat (talk) 03:04, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

I need feedback on this article I am writing about NewYorkFoodTours, a company that offers culinary tours around the Big Apple.

Here is the link: User:Superdeed/NewYorkFoodTours

Thank you,

Superdeed (talk) 18:02, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

The draft is way too promotional in tone and would almost certainly be speedily deleted if moved to mainspace. Also, one article mentioning the company is not sufficient to demonstrate notability per the guidelines at WP:CORP. There are alternative outlets, such as WikiCompany. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 18:14, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

CORE Education

{{Done}} - article speedily deleted as spam. – ukexpat (talk) 02:53, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Hi, I've just set up this article for this New Zealand educational organisation. I would appreciate feedback! CORE Education Corelee (talk) 00:29, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Empower Up

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 02:50, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

An organization that I recently heard of. Decided to sift a bit, came up with an article. PLEASE POST COMMENTS ON ITS TALK PAGE Cheers,  A p3rson ‽ 03:00, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

Commented on user page: I think it's ready for mainspace. – ukexpat (talk) 19:49, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Gurcharan Singh

{{Done}} - article speedily deleted – ukexpat (talk) 02:47, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Dear All,

I would appreciate it if you could find the time to review my article: Gurcharan Singh

Please advise me of any amendments.

Thanks in advance. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Gsinghonline (talk • contribs) 21:48, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

Human Design

{{Done}} - article being worked on in userspace. – ukexpat (talk) 04:14, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

I have posted the cleanest and most minimal entry on Human Design. Yes I am new here, ok ok ok.

It seems to me there is NO actual content today that meets wiki criteria, but now that Harper Collins have decided Human Design will sell books commercially, other publishers are surely watching and ready.

So my new born article only says that Human Design is a "set of ideas", who by and when, and that the huge number of people interested makes Human Design notable in wiki terms. 1 million or more already, it is about to break into the mainstream, it is at that critical mass of monkeys or whatever.

I understand that it looks suspect to experienced wikipedians, I say HOLD YOUR HORSES and CHECK THIS, be fair and be in the spirit of wiki. This IS something new and extraordinary.

THIS IS DIFFERENT because one man holds all the knowledge, he has gone from a tramp to a millionaire, and he has top corporate lawyers. It is science fiction, the man who fell to earth, what is going on? It is NOTABLE to create millions of interested people in just 20 years from being a naked tramp living in a tree.

THIS IS DIFFERENT because it is empirical in nature.

So for now I only say, it IS NOTABLE, the evidence is its popularity and specifically how many websites and professional consultants are out there, that is NOTABLE by any reasonable assessment.

I have deleted all other content from my attempts at an article.

Mikemahalo (talk) 09:21, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

I just noticed that NOTABLE is almost the same as NOT ABLE - hmmm. Mikemahalo (talk) 12:22, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

There were two major problems with the article, one of which is noted in response to your previous request above, and other, the reason that the first article was deleted: first, notability and sources: you say above that this is "new", and therein lies the problem, the vast majority of "new" things do not meet Wikipedia's inclusion criteria because they do not have the required "non-trivial coverage in multiple sources independent of the subject". See WP:N and WP:GNG for more on notability. The fact that this guy has gone from tramp to millionaire is not de facto notable, he may have some brilliant new insight, he may just be a good salesman, or he may be a conman, but without properly cited sources it's hard to tell. Second, it was promotional in tone - obviously you enthusiastic about the subject, but the article read like a promo piece. If you want to re-create it, I suggest going back to userspace and trying again.  – ukexpat (talk) 13:50, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

SO give a man a chance!

Jesus.

While it is borderline, I agree, it is within the borderline.

Look, Harper Collins see commercial interest, they are the first, other mainstream publishers are out looking for authors right now, think that through, and all those websites and the few but reasonable and allowable minimum of sources.

Read the Pacha Article:

Pacha Magazine July 2009, page 88, it is online AND REFERENCED IN THE ARTICLE YOU ASKED MR ORANGE TO DELETE: "routinely rejected interview requests from the media" the owner of the system has supressed and contained media coverage, page 89 avoiding publicity promotion advertising and endorsement from the many celebrities involved - this is Pacha magazine, they do talk to many celebrities who go to Ibiza, and there is this man living there they all talk about, but with discretion and lawyers, media coverage of Human Design is suppressed. But NOT TOTALLY.

It is time to find the reliable secondary sources, and as it happens, I feel GOOD planting the seed, but please let others have access to continue and put the details. It is not for me to do all this, it needs community and you just pissed on it, as though this was your personal toilet. It is a place for SHARED KNOWLEDGE by PEOPLE< ordinary people, not clever fast bullies like you, sorry but in this instance, you allowed yourself to go too fast and too far.

REMEMBER WIKIPEDIA GUIDELINES - IT IS NOT MY BABY means it is the property of the collective community and instead YOU suppressed it. People are on facebook telling me, they cannot find and contribute... give time here easy tiger... Mikemahalo (talk) 14:50, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Mikemahalo, I'm sympathetic because you're new at this, but please understand, the fact that it's not your baby means folks can change it, or ask that it be deleted for not meeting guidelines. And in the last incarnation I saw, it doesn't. So please do take Ukexpat's advice (he's been around for a long while and if he suggests something, its a good idea). Recreate the article in your userspace and make the attempt to add the references you can find, then pop me a note on my talk page or here, and we'll take a look and see what we can come up with. Sometimes things don't work out, but this seed won't grow unless you tend to it in the greenhouse before transplanting out to mainspace. Don't feel badly, it's very hard to write an article on your first go, especially (and ironically) if it's a topic you're interested in. Again, best of luck, --Nuujinn (talk) 15:13, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Also read Up and coming next big thing! --Orange Mike | Talk 15:54, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Michael Pillsbury

{{Done}} – ukexpat (talk) 04:13, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Michael Pillsbury

I need help on my first article created a yer ago on how to improve it, and to remove the two tags for clean up and conflict of interest that were placed in June 2009 without any explanation. Hasn't this article been cleaned up sufficiently by many editors and bots? Is it proper to tag it with the allegation of "conflict of interest" without evidence or suggestions how to improve? Any volunteer's advice would be appreciated.

Artdriver (talk) 19:43, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

I have made a few minor changes and removed the tags. – ukexpat (talk) 20:05, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Thomas and Elizabeth Bulkeley tomb

{{done}} – ukexpat (talk) 04:12, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Please check User:Creativedrayton/Thomas and Elizabeth Bulkeley tomb It is a new article about a tomb at Market Drayton which I think is of historical importance. Thanks Creativedrayton (talk) 21:03, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

I see that the article is now in mainspace at Bulkeley tomb. I have done some work on the layout and formatting and removed some of the redlinks - if any of those individuals ever have their own articles, the links can be added back. Even though you have some sources, and the individuals buried in the tomb have at least one notable descendant, Peter Bulkley, I think there are issues with the notability of the tomb itself. I would strongly encourage you to find some more sources to support notability if you can and be prepared for someone to tag the article with a "notability" template. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 15:19, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

Royston Arts Festival

{{Done}}

Royston Arts Festival~~Chair 10-04-10~~ —Preceding unsigned comment added by Chair1 (talk • contribs) 16:37, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

Hello. It looks like yo've made a good start with this article. At the moment, it looks like the biggest problem is whether or not it meets our notability guideline. Have a read of that, and see if you can write anything in the article that demonstrates why it is notable. Another thing you could do is to look for more references to reliable sources. I see there is one to the Telegraph, but when I looked at that article, it only briefly mentioned the festival, so that doesn't really count as significant coverage. Hope this helps, --BelovedFreak 18:10, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

Green-Works

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 04:10, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Hi there, this is my first article on Wikipedia and I was hoping if you could please review it and provide me some feedback on the article.

Green-Works is a charity in the UK which recycles furniture and sells them off to other charities and businesses in the UK.

Thanks

Rcummings5 (talk) 23:54, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

Hello, I've had a look at the article, and you've made a good start. I especially like how you've included references to reliable sources like the BBC and the Guardian. One of the problems with the article at the moment, is that it is not very neutral. One way to look at it is, that when someone reads an article, they shouldn't be able to tell what the writer of the article personally thinks; whether they are a fan, or in favour of the subject, or it they are against it. Reading this article, I can tell that you think it's a fantastic organisation doing a lot of good. And it may well be! But neutrality is one of out key policies here at Wikipedia. In fact, it's one of the five "pillars".

I'll give you some examples of not-so-neutral wording: "The impact which Green-Works has had in society is remarkable", "Organisations have benefited from the services offered by Green-Work", "delivering real social benefits". These need to be reworded, and backed up by reliable (independent) sources. You mention in the first sentence that the organisation is "award-winning". Although that's true, and you mention it later with a reference, we don't tend to say that a subject is award winning in the first sentence. It's just a convention here at Wikipedia that again helps with the neutrality.

A couple of related problems with style: you mention the founder by first name (I don't mean when you first mention him - as Colin Crooks - but later, when you just call him "Colin". This is a bit too informal. Anothing thing is, you say "as committed as we are ..." Who's we? Wikipedia? I presume not! That use of "we" is definitely to be avoided. All in all, it comes off as a promotional piece for your organisation. I think that it is notable though, and can be improved if you bear some of these things in mind.

One last thing - I presume, from that use of the word "we", that you are somehow connected to the organisation. Writing about subjects you are connected to is strongly discouraged as it's seen as a conflict of interest. However, the horse is out of the stable now as you have created the article, and I think with a little bit more work, it could be a decent article. I will leave some helpful links on you page, but in particluar, please read Wikipedia:Neutral point of view, Wikipedia:Verifiability, Wikipedia:Conflict of interest and Wikipedia:FAQ/Organizations. It would also be helpful if you could write a brief statement on your userpage declaring any conflict of interest with certain articles. Hope this helps, --BelovedFreak 13:47, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

The Forgotten International

{{Done}} - no response from requester. – ukexpat (talk) 04:05, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Hello,

When I moved this incomplete article it was deleted immediately for violating the notability criteria. I added 3 references now but haven't figured out how have it technically correct yet, neither did I figure out how to categorize correctly (sorry, i'm just learning -1st time). I might be adding 3 more sentences to the body of the article, but otherwise it is mostly done. Please let me know whether I you can review it now and let me know what changes to apply or whether I should ask for feedback when I'm completely ready.

Thanks a lot in advance.

Regards,

Kristina Pomothyova 03-18-10 —Preceding unsigned comment added by Theforgottenintl (talk • contribs) 07:22, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

I don't think those references amount to the significant coverage in reliable sources required to demonstrate notability. Please take a look at WP:ORG and WP:RS for the type of references that are required. – ukexpat (talk) 14:03, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

Amenity Infrastructure

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 04:04, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Hi WikiHelpers, I tried to follow the instructions as precisely as possible, but I seem to have a box surrounding my article first sentence under Amenity Infrastructure. Also, my reference to Catherine Spellman's book (see bottom of article), did not properly link. Could someone take a look and let me know what I did wrong? Thanks so much. Renata Hejduk —Preceding unsigned comment added by Rhejduk (talk • contribs) 21:43, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

You simply added a space before the text, so it shows up as code, like this:

See?

Hope that answers your question.

—Akrabbim^talk 21:55, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

I changed the title of this question to link to the article.

I fixed the misplaced space and your reference rendering problem, and removed all the trademark signs (Wikipedia doesn't use them: see WP:TRADEMARK. I removed the "unreviewed article" tag and replaced with a "multiple issues" tag. This is because the article has urgent issues. It seems to be about a trademarked phrase under which its inventor is marketing his products. It's not yet a commonly used term in architecture, planning or design, and if he's hoping to keep the rights to it by trademarking it, it's unlikely to become one. I am considering proposing the article for deletion on the grounds of insufficient notability. However, the external links you have provided - which need formatting correctly - do suggest that the architect himself may be notable and "Amenity Infrastructure" has been mentioned by a small number of independent third-party sources in association with the inventor, so there is borderline notability there although I don't think Amenity Infrastructure can stand alone as an article at present. I would strongly suggest that you consider moving this content to userspace, requesting deletion of the Amenity Infrastructure page remaining after the move, and rewriting it all as an article about Darren Petrucci himself, with the "Amenity Infrastructure" content as part of the page, and with more references. Once you have a viable article on Mr Petrucci in articlespace, the Amenity Infrastructure page can be re-created as a redirect to his article until such time as it becomes notable in its own right, if it does. If you would like help to do this, feel free to ask me on my talk page. Otherwise, the article will probably be nominated for deletion shortly. Karenjc 11:28, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Wes Jones

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 03:55, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

[[3]] Just looking for a review / gen. feedback. Skparch (talk) 22:14, 18 March 2010 (UTC)skparch

The article has serious issues around tone and citations at present. It reads very much like a marketing blurb, with many unsupported statements and value judgements about Mr Jones, his various companies and his work (for example, "a leading architectural voice of his generation"; "the firm’s international reputation for technologically inspired work"). Almost none of the information is referenced, and this needs addressing or it may be removed without discussion by other editors. You do appear to have asserted the subject's notability (by listing his prizes and awards, and asserting that he has had a major influence on his field of work, etc.) but you now need to support this information with citations, otherwise it does not meet Wikipedia's criterion of verifiability. There are several quotations from Jones about his personal views and philosophy of architecture, possibly too many, and they need sourcing specifically or removing. There are quite a few passing references to other architects and writers, and these should be Wikilinked on the first use to these individuals' Wikipedia articles (if they have them) to assist users with navigation. The article could do with being in a couple more categories, but not Category:Architecture firms based in California because it's about the man, not the company. I'll tag the article accordingly. Karenjc 10:30, 25 March 2010 (UTC)

James Curnock

{{Done}} - no response from requester. – ukexpat (talk) 03:52, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Smallbird22/James Curnock

Could someone please review this article on this British Artist, thanks. It's my first article.

Smallbird22 (talk) 06:26, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

Sure. It's a decent start, but what you really need are some verifiable sources from newspapers, books or magazines. It could use some more text as well, perhaps fill out a section with biographical info and then a second section on his art? Nuujinn (talk) 23:42, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

Ken Rutkowski

{{Done}} - both in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 03:51, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Olgpa/Ken_Rutkowski
User:Olgpa/Simon_Johnson_(entrepreneur)

Would love to know your thoughts on the above articles. Thank you. Olgpa (talk) 10:42, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

FIXatdl

{{Done}} - in mainspace and reviewed. – ukexpat (talk) 03:50, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

FIXatdl is a protocol used to communicate information relating to algorithmic trades. Version 1.1 of the protocol is being launched by securities industry standards body FIX Protocol Limited on March 23, 2010.

SCWilkinson (talk) 17:32, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

Lubov Azria

This is a new article about Lubov Azria, creative director of BCBGMAXAZRIA: User:Emmamabel/Lubov_Azria http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Emmamabel/Lubov_Azria I understand from editor Orange Mike that there have been issues with this subject in the past, so he created this sandbox for me to submit an entirely new article. It hasn't been reviewed yet, and I don't want to post it on the site without ensuring it won't be deleted. I appreciate everyone's help.

Thanks! EmmaEmmamabel (talk) 18:59, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

Citizen Schools

I've been working on a an article on the non-profit, Citizen Schools, and would like feedback request to help me improve the article.

JP (talk) 15:29, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

I have reviewed and made a few clean up edits. A few more references to third party sources (ie additional press coverage) would be good if you can find them. I also added some relevant categories. You should consider adding an infobox at the top of the article - {{Infobox Non-profit}} would be appropriate. Let me know if you need help with that. I have also removed the post-move redirect from your user page. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 21:08, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

ProductivitySuite

Hi,

I would like to request feedback for the ProductivitySuite article please.

Tsutcliffe (talk) 16:54, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

You need to establish Notability by citing third party references in reliable sources. You have 3 references, but they are all first party.--SPhilbrickT 20:10, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

Vern Monnett Article Review Request

Hi,

I'm new to this, and trying to get a review of my article (Vern Monnett).

Time allowing, would one of the editors mind giving this a review, and if you find things to be acceptable, please remove the "New Article", "Close Connection" and General Notability" tags. I'm afraid the latter two were triggered yesterday by a filter during an attempt to clean up some of my citations.

Any positive feedback would be greatly appreciated. A fuller explanation about the article is listed on my talk page.

Thank you in advance for your help!

Vern MonnettVernmonnett (talk) 18:14, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

The explanation is at the talk page of the article, which is not the same as your talk page.--SPhilbrickT 20:00, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

Mark P. Painter

User:CincyLawyer/Mark P. Painter Painter is a former judge retired from the Ohio 1st District Court of Appeals in Hamilton County (Cincinnati). He became the first and only American elected to a brand new United Nations Appeals Tribunal last summer. Please critique this biography. Thank you. CincyLawyer (talk) 18:30, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

• You need more references to support the claims in the article. For example, the main claim is "In March 2009, Painter became the first and only American to be elected by the United Nations General Assembly to the United Nations Appeals Tribunal", but you've cited nothing to show it is a fact.
• You have a good claim for Notability "A prolific writer, he is the author of six books including The Legal Writer: 40 Rules for the Art of Legal Writing, 130 articles, and more than 400 published court opinions. He writes a monthly column on legal writing for Lawyers USA", but again, not supported by a reference. Your second reference helps, but it doesn't support the full claim.
• There are other facts also needing support.
• By the way, how important is the United Nations Appeals Tribunal? It sounds important, but we don't have a Wikipedia article about it. Is it discussed in some other Wikipedia article? If not, it will probably be necessary to establish the notability of that entity (it is possible we have deemed any UN organization notable, but I don't know that.)--SPhilbrickT 20:20, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for the suggestions. I'm new to Wikipedia writing and editing. The UN Appeals Tribunal is the first of its kind and Mark Painter was the only American to be elected. The election results are posted on the UN's Web site, although I don't know if it explicitly says Painter was the "first and only American." The Appeals Tribunal will hear appeals from the lower (trial level) Tribunal. Both courts will deal with complaints from within the UN, mainly employment disputes, eg: sexual harassment and discrimination in the form of adverse employment actions such as termination, demotion and failure to promote. Because the Appeals Tribunal is new, the inaugural body will establish its own precedent by way of case law. (In other words, there is no existing case law so the Tribunal will write it.) The source of law used will be the UN Charter. I didn't find a Wikipedia article on the new UN Tribunals but I think there should be one because their decisions will effect all UN employees. Thank you again. I'll work on obtaining more sources. CincyLawyer (talk) 21:14, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

I just looked again at the third reference, the PDF with information on the judges of the tribunal that is on the UN's Web site, and it supports the fact that Painter has more than 400 published opinions and 130 articles and is the author of six books. (He's one of the most published judges in the country.) Is the UN an acceptable source for that information? CincyLawyer (talk) 21:27, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

Oops, I looked at your third reference, and missed that it was two pages, so thought it was simply supporting the other members. yes, that should be a good reference. --SPhilbrickT 21:58, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

Rodney Alcala

Rodney Alcala My first ground-up original wiki page. Still a "Draft" page. Written (took pains to be neutral), sourced, wikilinked, infoboxed, project tagged (2 O_O)...all it's missing is a pic and a notation about that is on the talk page...and maybe a redirect for his moniker.

Caution: Bio of a living serial killer.

Is it ready to go live?

Feel free to re-post responses to my user talk page. Thanks in advance! ;) VulpineLady (talk) 00:03, 11 March 2010 (UTC)

First line hit me hard. I always try to make the first line the most meaningful, packing a lot of important information into it. Yours is too short I think. You pulled a rather vague comment by a police officer to put into the lede: "He's right up somewhere just below Hitler and right around Ted Bundy" translated to "He has been likened to notorious serial killer Ted Bundy as well as to Adolf Hitler." The Criminal History section needs to be broken up and was a bit hard to follow. Aliases section is not needed, repeated in infobox. Please format your references if you get a chance, use my SnipManager to make it easier. Looks pretty good overall, and definitely good on length. --Odie5533 (talk) 07:40, 11 March 2010 (UTC)

Martin Tod

I am creating an article about Martin Tod who is a British politician standing for election. Although the article is not currently notable it may be after the upcoming UK general election, which is why it assumes that his election has been successful. As this is my first article I would appreciate some feedback in the hope that the article will attain notability and can be published. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Wintonian (talk • contribs) 14:52, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

A little early to be counting your chickens, hmm? Even if he's elected, the usable coverage of him during and immediately after the election will change what you can write significantly, so it seems a little hasty to produce an article speculating that he might have a significant front-bench role after the election: in a couple of months you'll know either way! In any case: (1) don't call him "Martin", call him "Tod". (2) Put all your dates in the same format (day month year, not a mixture of this and month day year), and don't write "6th May 2010" but "6 May 2010". (3) I wouldn't include the political party and constituency navboxes at the foot of the article, since they don't have links (and won't have links) to Tod. Bencherlite^Talk 21:12, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the input, I didn't relise that my dates were in diffrent formats so thats good to know, i'll remove the navboxes, I only speculated on the poss front bench role as it was in one the the sources and seemed relevent, wasn't sure weather to refere to him by first or surname, If he dosn't get elected then I'll count it as good practice and re-write it in 4/5 years :-). Thanks again I'll pop back when I've made some changes. --Wintonian (talk) 22:18, 9 March 2010 (UTC)

Take out the false content now; this could be found by search engines in its current form and seriously mislead people. --Orange Mike | Talk 16:41, 11 March 2010 (UTC)

User:Woodenships513/The_Activators

User:Woodenships513/The_Activators

This article is about The Activators, a perofrmance group for children that promotes exercise and healthy living. I worked on the article yesterday and today, and just wanted the official go-ahead to upload it on Wikipedia.

Thank you for your help.

Woodenships513 (talk) 18:53, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

David 03/10/2010

I have made a few minor formatting and content changes, but the biggest problem is notability. At the moment the draft only has one "third party" reference, ie a reference to a secondary source not connected with the subject. To demonstrate notability per WP:ORG or WP:BAND you need to cite significant coverage in reliable sources, ie multiple sources. – ukexpat (talk) 20:43, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

Cleary University

The Cleary University article needs a bit of work and I am hoping to find some time to work on it. I am taping your expansive knowledge about university wiki pages to guide my work. ANY FEEDBACK about the existing article would be greatly appreciated. --IntensifyIt (talk) 04:19, 11 March 2010 (UTC)

Well, the infobox in the article is good, there's plenty of information in there. I don't think it's necessary to list every qualification people can get there, and the history section could be spread out or reworded slightly, although there are plenty of references in the whole article. I think it could also be expanded slightly too, there must be something about this university that is worth including in the article. Thanks for helping out. Chevymontecarlo. 13:10, 11 March 2010 (UTC)

Trupanion

Trupanion User:Bcopstead/Trupanion

Hello, this is my first article. Thank you for your feedback. --Bcopstead (talk) 23:54, 11 March 2010 (UTC)

The general arrangement of the article is not bad, but the references need improvement. Press releases and interviews with people from the company are not consider independent sources, and about.com is usually not considered a reliable source. You need more news stories or other coverage in published, independent, reliable sources to establish notability. Please read our guideline on notability of corporations. And reember that not all buisness are notable.

I hope this is helpful DES ^(talk) 18:57, 13 March 2010 (UTC)

User:Megarvt/Helen_Woodward_Animal_Center

Just created this article User:Megarvt/Helen_Woodward_Animal_Center would love feedback. Hopefully would like to move to a live article in 4 days (after 10 edits?) Thank you Megarvt (talk) 02:16, 13 March 2010 (UTC)megarvt 3/12/10

Not a bad start, but more coverage is needed in independent, reliable sources, particularly non-local sources, to more clearly establish notability. Please read our guideline on notability of organizations. A statement like "Participants have attended from 33 states and 17 locations outside the United States including Argentina, Canada, China, Egypt, Ethiopia, India, Ireland, Iran, Japan, Kenya, Mexico and Romania." should ideally be backed up with a cited source. An additional source or sources for the national scope of the program would be very useful, note that without the national scope this center would probably not be notable in any case, as purely local organizations usually are not. DES ^(talk) 19:11, 13 March 2010 (UTC)

User:Riffic/Lift to Experience and User:Riffic/The Texas-Jerusalem Crossroads

I came across these two articles that were deleted in 2008 for CSD A7 and I was sort of familiar with the subjects so I knew the notability was easy to assert with some decent references. I added two which were more easy to find with google, but I'm sure more can be added. Does anyone else think they can be moved back into main namespace so other users can find and edit these with more ease? thank you! riffic (talk) 02:34, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

An Organic Conversation

An Organic Conversation

Article creator 3/14/10 71.204.141.254 (talk) 08:38, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

It's generally well-done, but I agree with the tag re tone, it reads like a PR brochure. Some phrases that jumped out:

* engaging and intimate thought on food production, relationships, and life itself

* visionaries

* reconnecting to the land

* one of the most progressive voices of sustainable agriculture

* over 27 years of hands-on experience

* acclaimed Language of flavor seminars

* new, fun, fresh relationship with their produce--SPhilbrickT 15:06, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

David Taborn - new article

Hello, I'd appreciate feedback with my first article, about artist David Taborn. It's at User:AnnaHillier/sandbox. Thank you AnnaHillier (talk) 14:29, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

It's a fair start, but the main issues are notability and references. A quick Google search has convinced me he probably does satisfy WP:N, but you need to assert exactly how he is notable more clearly in the article, with citations from reliable third-party sources (your three references are currently a commercial gallery's blurb about the artist, a link to one picture in a national collection, and an obituary of another individual that makes two passing references to Taborn). Have a look at the criteria at WP:ARTIST, which will help. More prose about Taborn himself and his significant work will make this read like an encyclopaedia article, while at the moment it is a few biographical lines padded out with a list of everywhere he's ever exhibited. Karenjc 15:58, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

Thank you very much AnnaHillier (talk) 16:29, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

virtual tuning

Hi there

This is the first article I've written, so happy to hear any positive or negative feedback you might have, and whether or not I need to get more citations etc...

I've already had about 100 virtual tuning artists review the page, and add content and modify bits and pieces, and a discussion was had on the biggest virtual tuning forum about who should be on the top 10 list (that's cited in the article). Without any further ado, the page in question is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_tuning

Basically, this is a whole element of car modification which haven't yet been covered on Wikipedia (well, not the English speaking one at least... - the Czech Wikipedia even has a page for it http://cs.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_tuning). —Preceding unsigned comment added by Automotive Designz (talk • contribs) 10:51, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

I have some familiarity with this due to my interest in one model of car popular with young people, so I do understand that this is an important topic for many people. That being said, what you really need for this article are some verifiable references from reliable sources, which is to say you need to find some discussion of this subject in newspapers or magazines (rather than forums, blogs or fan sites). Nuujinn (talk) 22:57, 14 March 2010 (UTC)