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GA Review

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Reviewing
This review is transcluded from Talk:Terra (Kingdom Hearts)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: DragonZero (talk · contribs) 02:13, 19 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose quality:
    B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. Has an appropriate reference section:
    B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:
    C. No original research:
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Major aspects:
    B. Focused:
  4. Is it neutral?
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
    B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:
    Issues resolved, passing. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 20:18, 30 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]


Issues

[edit]
  • "Before appearing in Birth by Sleep, Terra made cameos in the secret endings of Kingdom Hearts II and its rerelease, Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix, with the latter also featuring an optional boss fight against the Lingering Will (留まりし思念 Todomarishi Shinen?), a hollow armor containing Terra's mind." Confusing to non experts. You can expand on this to make it less so
    • Rewrote
  • "become experienced warriors with the weapon Keyblade." This sentence sounds awkward.
    • Rewritten
  • "When Master Xehanort, an old friend from Eraqus, disappears Terra is sent by Eraqus to search for him as Terra deals with a darkness growing within himself." Awkward wording.
  • "initially finding him similar to the Final Fantasy VII character Zack Fair" All reviewers at first? I think you can reword to improve accuracy.
    • Rewrote
  • "an armor containing Terra's thoughts", you mean his will? Its kind of vague with thoughts, as if the armor has his memories.
    • Clarified as you said
  • "χ-blade", Chi/Kai blade? As long as this isn't a fancy X or Cross, its no problem.
    • Other Kingdom hearts literature says its also "Kye", so in the mythos its not an x or cross.
      • Understood. A note beside that word would be helpful but not necessary.
        • Perhaps, but Im not really sure what to say...
  • "in what appears to be the Land of Departure alongside" Wording is original research.
    • Cut
  • If he doesn't do anything in recoded, don't mention him.
    • He is mentioned in the game, as someone they are searching for by a reliable source, I think its fine to mention him briefly in that context.
      • This is questionable since this would be Mickey's plot impact and being mentioned briefly isn't all that notable. However, I won't push this matter.
  • "Terra briefly appears in Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance, during Sora's dream, when Riku and Kairi turn into him and Aqua." Same as above. Otherwise, awkward sentence needs to be fixed.
    • Rewrote
      • "during which Soras friends Riku and Kairi are turned into Terra and Aqua." This is really questionable material, since it sounds more like a cosmetic change and is not the actual character. Either way, its still sounds awkward.
        • Took another crack at it
  • In the development section, if you're sourcing with the same source, encase the section by reffing the first and last sentences.
    • That doesn't appear to be an issue in that section, each sentence seems to have different sources.
      • First sentence is unsourced. In the second paragraph between ref 23 and 24, I'm not sure what is sourcing that whole chunk; is this all sourced with ref 24? It would be more clear if it was encased.
        • I see, I encased the 24th ref and added a ref note to the first sentence to indicate the boundaries of the reference sources.
  • "although Nomura denied that he could actually see the future" Do you mean clarified? Unless he could actually see the future and Nomura is lying. Reword the awkward sentence too.
    • Rewrote for clarity
      • "In order to expand the connection between Terra and Riku, scenes which foreshadow certain events from Terra's perspective were added to the game, although Nomura denied that Terra could actually see the future." It's still unclear. The two ideas here are still confusing.
        • Rewrote again, perhaps it's clearer now
          • For the second idea, try "Nomura stated that these foreshadows are not of a precognitive nature". For the first idea, are these foreshadows focusing on Riku? It isn't explained how they are relevant
            • Added your text, and clarified what the sentence is about.
              • Okay, it can probably still be improved but good enough for now.
  • Last two sentences in first reception paragraph talk about the game. Remove it.
    • I rewrote the sentences to focus on what its like to play the character, and not on the game itself.
      • His segment in the game isn't a reception to the character itself but sounds more like gameplay.
        • I'm not seeing why people reacting to how fun it is to play as a character is not relevant to the character.
          • It would be like adding all the negative reception of the Sonic story from Sonic the Hedgehog (2006 video game) to Sonic. A character's reception should be based on their fictional plot, behavior, or lists they ranked on
            • Removed as you suggest
  • "Terra's conflicted nature leads him to create chaos in most Disney worlds rather than aid them." How does this relate to reception?
    • It was removed
  • " Eurogamer found Terra's role in Snow White as a "stand-in for an established supporting character in the fable", finding he did little impact to the storyline despite the player's progress." Clarify what this means. Is this reception of the character?
    • Rewrote to provide clarity
      • This doesn't add onto the character's reception. Should be removed.
        • I am also confused about this, why would this be removed? How is role in the story was received seems relevant to his reception.
          • This doesn't add ass a positive or negative reception and is more of a minor note.
            • I'll go with your judgement, removed
  • Ref 34 is dead
    • Removed

*"also comparing him with other voice actors such as Mark Hamill and Leonard Nimoy." unnecessary since this doesn't add onto reception.

    • I think the voice actors work is related to reception, just like an actors portrayal in a movie is related to the character, see Palpatine.
      • Yeah but currently, the whole sentence sounds as if the voice actor is as boring as those two voice actors listed. Also, a general reader would not know if comparing the two voice actors mean his performance was good or bad; and currently implies bad.
        • Ok I rewrote it again, it should make more sense now.
          • The comparison doesn't add depth to the reception itself.
            • I'll go with your judgement, removed
  • Archive your andriasang links. That site is unstable.
    • Done
  • VanOrd isn't properly introduced in reception.
    • Fixed

Suggestions

[edit]
  • Fix link redirects. Go here then click on a green link, click header and redirect and you'll receive the direct links.
The below is what you'll see.

http://www.gamesradar.com/psp/kingdom-hearts-birth-by-sleep/review/kingdom-hearts-birth-by-sleep-review/a-20100908134729334050/g-2007092015410219051
redirects to
http://www.gamesradar.com/kingdom-hearts-birth-by-sleep-review/

    • Done
Great review! I'll get started on it soon, I've been real busy and didnt notice the review was up. Judgesurreal777 (talk) 23:44, 22 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I apologize for the wait, I have been very busy lately, but I believe I have addressed all of your concerns. Let me know if you have any others, or which to discuss your feedback in any way. Thank you! Judgesurreal777 (talk) 21:12, 25 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Refurbish the article

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Looking over the articles for the Birth by Sleep protagonists, I feel they contain a few too many issues to meet "Good article" standards. I will currently go over the issues I found with this article; I'll go over the other two when I can.

Appearances
  • "The Lingering Will fights the game's protagonist Sora upon sensing Sora's Keyblade and mistaking Sora for Xehanort and acknowledges Sora as a Keyblade Master afterward."
    • This is a run-on sentence, and the part about acknowledging Sora as a Keyblade Master seems inaccurate in light of the English release of Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix.
  • "Informing Terra and Aqua about the Unversed and Master Xehanort's disappearance, Eraqus orders the two to eliminate them and find Xehanort."
    • This fails to specify who "they" are.
  • "During his quest, he interacts with several Disney characters for information on his whereabouts..."
    • While it's already implied, this could use some extra specification.
  • "...and faces inner darkness."
    • This character struggle could be better described.
  • "Terra returns to the Land of Departure, saves Ventus and fights with Eraqus. They fight until Terra sees Xehanort vanquishing Eraqus and revealing his plan.
    • Apart from the boldface redundancy, it fails to acknowledge what Terra is saving Ventus from or why he is fighting with Eraqus.
  • "...Terra unleashes the darkness power and Xehanort takes over his body"
    • This could be worded better.
  • "At Radiant Garden, Xehanort, still possessing Terra's body, sends Aqua into the Realm of Darkness."
    • Aside from being rather inaccurate, this shifts the focus from Terra to Xehanort when it seems better off to mention that Xehanort remains in possession of Terra's body.
Reception
  • "...players may know little about them due to their role in Kingdom Hearts II, but with Birth by Sleep, players will able to know about them." / "...he did not understand the importance of him and the other characters being briefly featured in Kingdom Hearts II, although it could be explained once the player finishes Birth by Sleep."
    • These could be reworded for redundancy.

Overall, the summary of Terra's role in Birth by Sleep reads more like it was based on one third of the main article's plot synopsis, rather than the character arc within the game itself. This gives the article a very fragmented feel. I'm not suggesting we fill the gaps with more details, but rather that we restructure the entire section to give it more balance and bring the character's role into focus, all while trying to keep the general length. I also feel that it should also make mention of Terra's scene with Riku, which would give a little more credence to the header's mention of their connection, rather than just keep it tucked away in the "Creation and development" section. Also, be mindful of in-game quotes; for example, one of the quotes involving Terra and Eraqus' apology doesn't really make sense when tying it to the scene that directly follows it. Don't be afraid to add, remove, and adjust quotes as necessary.

I'll start working on rewriting this as soon as I am able to. In the meantime, please consider these points for any future edits. User:SubZeroSilver (talk) 04:19, 28 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

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