Wikipedia:Peer review/A Space for the Unbound/archive1

A Space for the Unbound

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Lead paragraph:

A Space for the Unbound is an Indonesian adventure video game developed by Mojiken Studio and published by Toge Productions. It was released on January 19, 2023, for Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Windows, Xbox One, and Xbox Series X/S. The game is set in the late 1990s and follows Atma and his girlfriend Raya, who live in a suburban area in Indonesia, as they explore their newly attained magical abilities and deal with supernatural powers that threaten their existence.

The sections Gameplay, Development, and Reception each contain 2-3 paragraphs, which I can't gauge whether it's comprehensive for a non-player. For the Plot, I reduced it to less than 700 words (691 words), so I wanted to see whether the plot summary is satisfactory.

I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to see how someone who hasn't played the game can improve it. Being promoted to a B-list article can do for me, but I'd like to see points on bringing it to A or above.

Thanks, RFNirmala (talk) 04:02, 3 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Toadspike

The plot length is technically okay (under the 700-word style guide limit) but it could be condensed a little more – I gave an example on Discord.
"He wanted to highlight his personal experience of growing up in 1990s Indonesia" and "Dimas said that it was his goal to preserve his memories as an Indonesian growing up in the 1990s in the game" are a bit repetitive. You could combine these into one sentence.
"Dimas and the rest of the development team consulted professionals". You should specify what kind of professional – I'm assuming psychological or psychiatric professionals. You can also shorten "Dimas and the rest of the development team" by a lot, probably to just "The developers".
You used a hyphen in the plot summary, which I have replaced with a colon. An en dash or em dash would also have been okay. Outside of specific phrases like "point-and-click", you should basically never use hyphens as punctuation – use en dashes or em dashes instead. Details at MOS:HYPHEN and MOS:DASH. Toadspike [Talk] 08:57, 21 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Did (1), (2), and (3). Problem is, I can't find a specific for the professionals so far, so I assumed psychiatric professionals. In the Jakarta Post interview, the professionals statement was a quote. I also modified the paragraph in Development to do (2) "He wanted to highlight..." RFNirmala (talk) 10:31, 21 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

toadspike Hi! Pinged you since I didn't note your user page. I added a section /* Release */ controversy between the video game's publishers and PQube Games. I admit the sections is rough, since it was copied from Indonesian Wikipedia (with mostly WP:RS), but I can resolve it overtime.
Thanks in advance. RFNirmala (talk) 08:07, 4 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the ping! I completely forgot about this. I will take another look. Toadspike [Talk] 09:11, 4 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@RFNirmala I've checked the changes you made based on my advice, everything there looks good. I've gone through the new Release section and done some small fixes. See MOS:RANGE and MOS:SEASON specifically. The citation needed tag needs to be resolved before you nominate this for Good Article or higher. The paragraph beginning with "On August 24, 2022..." has some grammar issues, is a little dense/too long, and doesn't exactly reflect what the sources say. It seems the issue is not that the PQube forced Toge and Mojiken to apply for this funding, but that PQube themselves used the fact that they were involved with this game to apply for the funding and then keep the money for themselves.
On "professionals": In the source you linked (which looks very good btw) as well as this other interview with the game's producer, these two different people on the game's dev team only say "professional", not "psychiatrist" or "psychologist". I did some intense web searching and found no other sources that specify what kind of professional they consulted. Therefore, we should stick with what the sources say, and use the term "professionals", even if it sounded weird to me when I first read it. I have therefore changed the term back to just "professionals". Toadspike [Talk] 20:46, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Hi @Toadspike! Thanks for covering some of the edits. I worked on the "On August 24, 2022..." paragraph by revising wordings and splitting the paragraph. From what I've read on the conflict, the PQube response was Toge and Mojiken made unreasonable revisions to the arrangements but didn't reach their desired output, hence their statement. I tried adding a mention of the conflict on the lead, you can check it out.

I also saw one RS that mentions a physical release and a collector's edition, but I'll search for another one.
https://www.pushsquare.com/news/2023/08/a-space-for-the-unbound-gets-gorgeous-physical-ps5-collectors-edition

Romano, Sal (November 9, 2022). "A Space for the Unbound launches January 19, 2023". Gematsu. Retrieved November 4, 2024. (ref 17) is an exception, since only a brief sentence mentions a physical release: "In Japan, a physical edition of the game is due out for PlayStation 5 and Switch on the same date."

I decided not to mention a physical edition release, but I added a source on a future iOS release

For that "citation needed" tag, I asked a request in WP:REREQ for the Famitsu magazine.

I tried adding some accolades of the game before the release (at least the 2016 Special Commendation for Graphics for God of War (2018 video game) would be an example on why I did so). RFNirmala (talk) 02:27, 11 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Template:FAC peer review sidebar

I have added this article to Template:FAC peer review sidebar. Please consider reviewing other articles listed there. dxneo (talk) 17:39, 27 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]