Talk:Magicland Dizzy

To Do List

Someoneanother kindly provided feedback on this article over on my talk page. I thought I would copy across the relevant information and summarise it slightly so that any other interested editors could help with addressing the points raised. Please strike-through or put a note against any actions that have been addressed as you go through.

Lead

• Some of what the lead contains needs to be verified with sources in the article (particularly development).

Gameplay

• The health bar is mentioned but there's nothing indicating how Dizzy loses health
• Dizzy can be killed instantly from drowning, is this mentioned in any source?

Plot

• The part about defeating Zaks and leaving is not cited.
• It's a very minor point, but actually stating that the Yolkfolk are egg-people would be beneficial.

Development

• This part, directly after the Oliver Twins' page citation: For Magicland Dizzy the design work was done for Codemasters in-house by Neal Vincent (incorrectly credited as Neil) with the Oliver Twins retaining design-approval oversight. Meanwhile, the coding of the game was contracted out to an external developer, Big Red Software." is not sourced. I'm not sure where the first sentence came from, is it a left-over or do you have a source? If not I would remove it and focus on the other part, which can be cited to the Dizzy feature in Retro Gamer.
• Everything from "It featured Dizzy and his cousin Danny.." to the end of that paragraph is covered in the Retro Gamer piece, so can be cited to that.
• Here is the full citation for that piece: <ref>{{cite journal|url=|title=Dizzy's Eggshellent Adventures|first=Darran|last=Jones|journal=[[Retro Gamer]]|publisher=[[Imagine Publishing]]|issue=75|pages = 48-55|date=|accessdate=25 Jun 2010}}</ref>

Reception

• Review scores that are in the table don't need to be repeated in the text, in fact it would probably be better to only put scores in the table full-stop.
• It's very easily done, but don't forget to attribute opinions to reviewers of magazines rather than the magazine itself.
• Video game titles and magazine titles always go in italics.
• Here's a review you haven't found yet: issue 64 of Amstrad Action, on page 63.
• Wherever possible try to highlight a single facet of the game and attribute different opinions to it (IE graphics, sound etc.) rather than listing each publication's main opinion in turn.
• The reception section is a little sparse. The section really could do with a little more, even the tiny quote from the Amiga Force feature ("This one's a good challenge for all players") on the Amiga Magazine Rack and something from the Amstrad Action review would help.
• It may be worth checking the reviews of the Dizzy Collection pack in all the usual places as well.

General

• Citations should include page numbers
• Remove links to the locations of magazine databases within citations

Many thanks to Someoneanother for all the above feedback. Any other areas for improvement can be added in under the relevant section above. Nick Ottery (talk) 14:39, 6 July 2010 (UTC)

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