Wikipedia:Peer review/Kingston upon Hull/archive1

Kingston upon Hull

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for March 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I believe it is an excellent addition to Wikipedia. The article really describes Kingston Upon Hull in a good and appealing way, while not being biased or unconstructive. I would like to read everyone's opinion about this article so please, go ahead and review.

Thanks, Neu_tralle 10:41, 5 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Just a few comments to get things moving

The reference marked with {{dead link}} needs looking into, the figures that it relates to could be updated with later figures and a new reference found for this.
The lonely planet reference (currently 15) is dead and the new page for this does not have information on car parks. May be the sentence needs to be rewritten and a new reference found.
Under Notable people the term "Hullites" is marked as requiring citation I think this could probably be removed as it is not the usual term for someone from Hull.
Under Sport the paragraph on cycling is unreferenced also the section is rather short and could probably do with some expansion.

Keith D (talk) 23:05, 9 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Oops I forgot to watch the review! Thankyou for your comments. I'll try to address some of these issues. Neu_tralle 13:01, 14 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is certainly broad, well-illustrated, stable, neutral, and appears to be well-supported. Hull is quite an interesting place, and I learned a lot by reading the article. I have some concerns about the many sentences that string clauses together ungrammatically with "with plus -ing" phrases tacked onto otherwise perfectly OK sentences. It will be tedious to re-cast all of these but worth doing. After the re-writes, another copyedit would be a good idea as well. I did a little copyediting as I went, but I don't have time to do a complete job.

Lead

I'd suggest expanding the lead. The ideal lead is an abstract or summary of the whole article. This one comes close but leaves out any mention of the main ideas in the Education, Media, Dialect, and Notable people sections and gives pretty short shrift to culture and sports. An article this long might need a four- or five-paragraph lead to fit everything in.

Governance

Generally, it's best to convert lists to straight prose. I'd suggest doing that with the list starting with "The council has several subcomponents... ".
- I have deleted this list and inserted it into Hull City Council article as it is more appropriate there. Keith D (talk) 22:34, 25 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Hull Blitz

"Hull was the most severely-bombed British city or town apart from London during World War II, with 95% of houses being damaged or destroyed." - This sentence includes a dreaded "with plus -ing" construction. Suggestion: "Apart from London, Hull was the most severely-bombed British city or town during World War II. Ninety-five percent of the houses were damaged or destroyed."
- Changed, also re-jiged to prevent short sentence. Keith D (talk) 11:40, 31 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Geography

"Kingston upon Hull is near the east coast of the United Kingdom, on the northern bank of the Humber estuary, with the city centre being sited close to the Humber." - Another "with plus -ing". Suggestion: "Kingston upon Hull is near the east coast of the United Kingdom, on the northern bank of the Humber estuary. The city centre is near the water." If this seems too choppy, other options are possible. Done
Wikilink "alluvial"? Done
"Hull was hit particularly hard by the June 2007 United Kingdom floods, with the local topography resulting in standing water over a wide area affecting 20% of the city's housing and damaging 90 out of its 105 schools." - Another "with plus -ing". Done
Wikilink "transepts"? Done
"and included amongst Hull's Catholic churches" - The Manual of Style prefers "among" to "amongst". Done
"The average total annual rainfall is 565 millimetres (22 in) with rain falling on 109 days of the year." Here's another "with plus -ing". Done

Demography

"the largest minority ethnic group was of 749 Chinese people." - "749 people of Chinese ancestry"? They are British rather than Chinese, I'm guessing. Is "Chinese" correct, or should it be "Asian"? If Chinese, why? What was the attraction of Hull?
- The source just indicates Chinese with no qualification. Keith D (talk) 13:22, 3 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
"With regard to religious diversity, in 2001, the city was 71.7% Christian with 18% of the population indicating they were of no religion while 8.4% did not specify any religious affiliation." - With plus -ing Done
"with a further 18,031 travelling between 5 and 10 kilometres (3.1 and 6.2 mi) to their place of employment" - With plus -ing Done

Economy

"Freight handling is projected to rise with Network Rail overseeing a £14.5 million investment... " With plus -ing. I'll stop pointing these out from this point on, but you get the idea. I'd suggest tracking them all down and re-casting these sentences. Done
"more recent additions including USC" - What is USC? Normally, abbreviations are also spelled out on first use, thus: "University of Southern California (USC)".
- Its the name of a store not an abbreviation, made in to a wikilink. Keith D (talk) 12:00, 17 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Culture

"started in Hull in the mid-1990s and has released workings of Fila Brazillia[103] ,Mr Beasley and The Brilliance amongst others." - Something's amiss with the punctuation. The comma should come before the reference. Done
"and Oasis in its history, whilst the Springhead, caters to a variety of bands - Suggestion: remove the comma after Springhead and change "whilst" to "while" per the Manual of Style. Done
"which is one of Europe's largest travelling funfair" - Funfairs, plural? Done

Dialect and accent

"The vowel in "Hull" is pronounced the same way as in northern English, however, and not as the very short /U/ that exists in Lincolnshire, although the rhythm of the accent is more like that of northern Lincolnshire than that of the rural East Riding, which is perhaps due to migration from Lincolnshire to the city during its industrial growth." - A bit too complex. It might be best to split it into two sentences. Done
It might be useful to add a sound file here if one is available. I don't think most readers will be able to translate the written language symbols into sounds.

Good luck with the article. If you find these comments helpful, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 04:31, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thankyou for your extensive review! I will try to address most of these comments as well. I'm glad you found it a 'good read'! Neu_tralle 13:01, 14 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]