Wikipedia:No one cares about your garage band
 | This page contains material that is kept because it is considered humorous. Such material is not meant to be taken seriously. |
 | This is a humorous essay on notability. It contains the advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors and is made to be humorous. This page is not one of Wikipedia's policies or guidelines, as it has not been thoroughly vetted by the community. Some essays represent widespread norms; others only represent minority viewpoints. This essay isn't meant to be taken seriously. |
 | This page in a nutshell: Don't start an article on your band if you don't have much of an audience yet. |
There are a great number of subjects about which no one cares on Wikipedia. With new bands this is especially important to keep in mind, given that a relatively high proportion of new pages are about a "garage band" (so-called because of their tendency to only ever play in their parents' garage) or "Yet Another Myspace (or Facebook or YouTube) Band", "YAMB" for short.
Editors, especially new page patrollers, can learn to spot garage or Myspace/Facebook/YouTube band pages, and creators of said pages can learn why their page was speedily deleted (normally due to a lack of a credible indication of importance or being blatant advertising). Usually, the band is unsigned, has released no albums (or only a self-produced CD), and the article about them was written by them.
Typical characteristics
Although Wikipedia articles about unknown bands are created by editors all over the world, a garage band article is often written by the band itself. Garage band articles generally share several characteristics:
Title
Many garage bands tend to name their articles with a precise title, such as My Rock Group (band) instead of just My Rock Group, even when there is no reason to disambiguate the article title. If a new article has "(band)"—especially the incorrect capitalization style "(Band)"—in the title, there's a good chance this is a garage band article. Bad grammar can be apparent in the body of the article, as well.
Formatting
- Lack of capitalization: Those who write about a garage band generally forget that capitalization of proper nouns is an important skill when writing the English language. Contributors forget to capitalize the name of their band in the article's title (e.g., "Bringers of Darkness" will appear as "Bringers of darkness").
- Too Much Capitalization: There Is No Need To Put A Capital Letter On Every Word, And It Is Certain Death To An Article In Addition To Being Hard To Read.
- Lack of any formatting whatsoever: As 99.9% of garage-band-page-creators have no prior experience with Wikipedia and its formatting system, garage band pages are often devoid of the markup present in standard pages. Some common characteristics include:
- no sectional division, sometimes putting everything in one paragraph. Even if they try to divide content into sections, they may type in the wrong number of equals signs in headers, resulting in things like
== MEMBERS =; - no internal links, infoboxes, categories, external links (except occasionally to the band's Myspace/Facebook/YouTube page), or anything besides text;
- using absurd and haphazard numbers of carriage returns (↵);
- using leading spaces, causing accidental invocation of the preformatting mechanism;
- excessive use of exclamation points; and
- excessive bolding: Bringers of darkness rock the world!
- no sectional division, sometimes putting everything in one paragraph. Even if they try to divide content into sections, they may type in the wrong number of equals signs in headers, resulting in things like
Style and content
- Use of the word "hardcore": All garage bands, even if they are not "hardcore", seem to love to describe themselves as such.
- Use of nicknames: In hardcore or death metal bands, all or some of the band members may have nicknames (John "Bones" Smith, Tim "Cutesy" Carnoy, etc.); and, in some cases, only the nicknames will be given ("and on bass, the Deth-Hölder").
- Mention of music equipment: There may be detailed mentions of music equipment models and numbers, as an attempt to suggest that they are paid endorsers, or under the mistaken belief that you are dying to figure out just how they created that screeching sound on the hidden track at the end of their unreleased CD. (Conversely, if the article has numerous citations to reliable sources and is a featured article like Jimi Hendrix, we might let you get away with a small section about your gear... if it contributes as much to the history of music as Hendrix.)
- No albums are released: The article does not indicate that the band has released any albums, nor that such albums are forthcoming; musical compilations appear to exist only as mixtapes.
- No neutral point of view: The article is filled with weasel words, peacock terms, and POV praise.
- Mention of fake company or label: The article might maintain a mandatory use of fake recording company, production company, or record label.
- Trying (and failing) to dramatize and/or praise the band or its members: Many garage band pages will include a poorly formatted list of the band's members, along with a puffery-filled list of their "accomplishments". There will also be desperate attempts to puff up any dubious, non-incidental contact with celebrities, notable bands, or record industry luminaries. In an article about an actual, notable band, an encyclopedic tone will be used and it will be free of golden praise and drama.
- Mention of upcoming local gigs: Because, you know, My-Wikipedia-Space is a free advertising service.
- Certain phrases:
- "... had a dream ..."
- "... is an up-and-coming ..." (or, worse yet, "upcoming ...")
- "... take ... by storm ..."
- "... there was no turning back ..."
Example
Bringers of darkness (Band)
Background information Origin idaho Genres hard core Discography three albums[a] Years active now Labels BOD RECORDS Members Kinnie Kingsworth, Shayne Tracy, Barret Lee, Wade Wilson, Whizz Perez Website htttp:/facebook.com/page435983454 BRINGERS OF DARKNESS are revitalizing audiences with there legenday raw energy live show and undeniable chemistry of brotherhood. They transcend a world that is locked in genre and commercialism; though they know they can't do it alone, they are the seeds of a revolution. The band has pitched their newest release to Sony executives,[b] played in front of the likes of Henry Railings,[c] and the lead singer has sang onstage with Freddie Quicksilver[d] - they have the goods and they WILL deliver.
Members: Tim "Kinnie" kingsworth - guitarist born to rock, tim has written many of bringers of darkness's best songs including "my love for you is swimming through the rapids like a broken arow" (Tim only plays Bingleworth guitars. Onstage, he plays a Bingleworth J-9000 7-string with a neo-chromium Foo humbuckers. For recording he uses a K-9001 with two single-coli pickups. he also exclusively uses Krankle amplifiers and Czech-Tec guitar tubes)
Shayne tracy - vocals Stunning gutteral screams, as raw and wild and hardcore as the songs
barett "binnet" lee - bass player the best, all-star bass player in idaho is barett lee, his awsome riffs bring bringers of darkness's songs together --award-winning, has played with the pro's (barett exclusively uses Klaxor titanium picks, the greatest brand in the world)
wade Wilson - drummer played everyware (even opened for Metallitis!!,[e] now the pumping heart of bringers of darkness beats
antonio 'whizz' perez - keyboards (antonio uses a Hammunk J-100, Farfasi Q-7a with extended keyboard, Cazia CTK-997 workstation, small Howard k-1600 keyboard, with a Peazey 100 watt amp with 15" speaker, Audio-pro Caroidid mic, Radio Shak mic stand)
Bringers of darkness record on B.O.D. Records (c/0 Shayne's parent's house 234 Anytown St. IDaho, US) - - ---- ... Exclusive representation is through DarkNess International Media Production Industries LLC (idaho branch office)
==UPCOMING SHOWS! Catch the "Bringers" live at one of the following venues:=
- Tuesday, Oct 9: opening for Raymond & the Wannabes at the Cracker Barrel Beer and Lobster House (in the basement room), 8 PM
- Mon. Dec. 12: Motzey's House of Pickles...we[f] are the headlingers at this show...come on time (9 PM for B.O.D.),w/ guest openers KAǾS-SOAK
- Sunday, Jan 15: Idaho Regional Real Estate Association picnic[g]
- Friday night, Feb 24: Cannister Causeway Go-Kart Racetrack - (stage area is near the big windmill hole at the mini-putt)(unconfirmed)
REFERENCES:
Notes
- ^ None of them have been glass mastered; they were all burnt onto CDs, and two of them are actually extended plays. In fact, this infobox would have probably been copied and pasted, then badly adapted from these examples, attempting to make their page look cooler.
- ^ This is likely delusional puffery. Translation: they waited in the lobby without an appointment, and then tried to harass Sony executives by playing their music loudly on a cheap smartphone with a tiny speaker, at least until four burly security guards escorted them out.
- ^ Yet more delusional puffery: Mr. Railings was having dinner at a music festival in his own security-gated compound and, while the band was being escorted to a "local stage" to do an unpaid warm-up gig, they tried to shout an impromptu acappella song through the gate, at least until six members of Mr. Railings' security detail "moved them along" (Note: Mr. Railings is a fictional performer).
- ^ Still more delusional puffery: Once, 14 years ago, Mr. Quicksilver did a charity telethon benefit show at a TV station, and the entire 7th grade class from Woodridge Junior High sang a simple backup part... including a young Shayne Tracy (Note: Mr. Quicksilver is a fictional performer).
- ^ What this unsubstantiated claim fails to tell you is that in high school 11 years ago, his school stage band played the national anthem at a hockey arena at 6 pm, before a major local band played a warm-up set at 7 pm for the two bands touring with Metallitis as special guests, who themselves played at 8 pm and 9 pm, then finally Metallitis played at 10 pm. (Note: Metallitis is also fictional)
- ^ Bands referring to themselves in the first-person is a tell-tale sign of autobiographical writing and a distinctly unencyclopedic tone. Even in well-written articles, slip-ups like this can give it all away.
- ^ Shayne's dad is head of accounting and probably doesn't know the band's new hardcore sound as of late.
- ^ A big indication that this band is not notable here is that they couldn't have the name "bringersofdarkness", which was already taken by a Bulgarian metal band; and "bringersofdarknessband", a thrash band from Norway; although neither of those bands are notable either.
- ^ This is because a band page on Facebook cannot have a distinctive name until it receives a certain threshold of 'Likes' on it, so this band is reduced to a pseudo-anonymous and hard-to-remember one.
How do I know if anyone cares about my band?
A good rule of thumb is: they don't. The fact that the only "sources" about your band are your webpage, your Myspace page, your brother's blog, and your mom's work newsletter, should be one indication that your band's "notability" only extends to your immediate family and friends.
However, if you must know, here are some ways to tell if your article is worth mentioning on Wikipedia. If one or more of the following apply, then no one cares. (More formal definitions can be found at the Wikipedia guidelines on notability in music, but you don't want to hurt your brain slogging through that, do you?)
- You only exist on Facebook, Myspace, YouTube, Twitter, iTunes, Spotify, Bandcamp, and/or SoundCloud: Yeah, we just mentioned it at the top of this section, but it's worth repeating again. Since anyone can create content on any of these sites, adding lots and lots and lots of references to them will not pull the wool over anyone's eyes. If you're not mentioned in reliable sources like national newspapers or magazines with wide circulation, you shouldn't have a Wikipedia article.
- You've never put out a "real" album: Putting out a real album means having the album released by a record company, or put into wide distribution by an independent label. At least, your album should have a licence from performance rights organisations such as RIAA or ASCAP in the United States or PRS for Music in the United Kingdom and your CDs should be glass mastered. Burning CDs of your songs on your computer and trying to sell them, or releasing your music onto a podcast, via iTunes, or on your Myspace page doesn't count.
- Your band is looking for people: A sizeable percentage of the Wikipedia pages about garage bands announce that they are "still looking for a drummer", or something similar. If your band is still looking for a member, then no one cares about it, unless this search has been the subject of an article in Rolling Stone.
- You've never gone on a "real" tour: Like real albums, going on a real tour does not mean playing at your high school dance, city park, etc. You must be invited to play at a musical venue of real significance to count.
- You are not making any money: Whether it's because you're just jamming with your friends instead of actually being a professional band or simply because no one will pay money to hear your music, if your band is not making any money, we do not want to hear about it on Wikipedia.
- You just formed the band recently: Stop, sit back, wait a while, and see if you are actually going to make a band, because chances are, you're not. Wikipedia is for bands that are, not bands that are going to be (and it certainly isn't for bands that are, in all probability, never going to be).
- Your only distinguishing characteristic is your placement in a Battle of the Bands competition: Battle of the Bands competitions are small local shows designed to showcase local talent, not land you a record deal. Even if you placed first, it doesn't mean anything: your band is still unknown, and there are thousands of better ones out there.
- The cops come regularly during your practice sessions and ask you to shut up: While this may make it seem that people care about your garage band, and indeed they do, they are not caring in the right way.
- No one else has written a Wikipedia article about you: This is one of the most direct indications that no one cares. Suffice to say that the Wikipedia article on the Beatles wasn't started by Paul McCartney.
- You don't know what the band's name is: Yes, that actually happened at least once.
In userspace
Such articles often turn up or end up in userspace "while editors look for reliable independent sourcing". Frequently they are then left there indefinitely. However, they are often only written for promotional purposes, and are deleteable at WP:MFD, or per WP:CSD#G11—{{db-promo}}—if blatant.
Complaints
This essay is sometimes criticized for being uncivil. However, it's important to remember that Wikipedia is not an indiscriminate collection of information and, if we relaxed standards, the encyclopedia's overall quality would deteriorate. You might think your garage band is important, but we need a significant level of the world at-large—notably music critics and music journalists published in reliable sources—to agree. Otherwise, why aren't those 250 unknown garage bands over there important, too? You should also be aware that an article about yourself isn't necessarily a good thing; if Billboard someday writes "Bringers of Darkness are unquestionably the worst noise I have ever had the misfortune to inflict upon my ears", then it can go in the article, citing Billboard as its source. Although this kind of attention might contribute to a claim of notability, is that really what you want?