Talk:Malouma

Article initial development discussion

WiR team, User:Ipigott, User:SusunW, User:Rosiestep, User:Megalibrarygirl let's continue our discussion of this project here, rather than flooding Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Women any further. This would also be a good place to move the discussion off the top of the page itself. 1bandsaw (talk) 19:05, 16 January 2016 (UTC)

QUESTIONS: DO WE CALL HER Malouma throughout (I hate that informality for a senator) or Malouma when we are speaking of her as a singer and El Meïddah (or should it be El Meydah) as her role as Senator?

I suggest we give her name at the beginning of the lead as "Maalouma Mint El Meidah, also known as Malouma", and give her name at birth in the body of the article as Malouma Mint Moktar Ould Meidah. There should be redirects from all the variants. It may sound a bit long-winded by why not call her Malouma Meidah (rather than just Meidah), perhaps using Malouma when referring to her as a singer?--Ipigott (talk) 11:40, 16 January 2016 (UTC)

I agree with Ipigott. That's a good compromise. Megalibrarygirl (talk) 16:12, 16 January 2016 (UTC)

I'm okay with the standardization of spelling as Meidah and referring to her as Malouma Meidah, but I think the lead needs to use Malouma (without 2 "a"s). Only French sources seem to use that spelling. All the English ones use a single "a". I will move these discussions to the talk page eventually, but felt in composition stage for the group it was better to have them "up front" SusunW (talk) 16:23, 16 January 2016 (UTC)

OK. But then you need to say aka Maalouma or Malouma. I was trying to be economical!--Ipigott (talk) 16:42, 16 January 2016 (UTC)

I've also found her as: Malouma Bint al-Meedah Megalibrarygirl (talk) 16:43, 16 January 2016 (UTC)

Added this variation to the Infobox SusunW (talk) 19:24, 16 January 2016 (UTC)

Not sure where to put these: She formed a ten-piece band called Sahel Hawl Blues.<ref name=":0" /> - folded in 1bandsaw (talk) 01:27, 17 January 2016 (UTC)

That is the one I just found a 100 page article on. It also says she does songs in French and Wolof.

Most of her songs are written in Hassania (Mauritanian Arabic), however, many of her choruses include words in other languages as well, so she can reach more individuals.<ref name=":0" /> - folded in 1bandsaw (talk) 21:29, 16 January 2016 (UTC)

She was censored and banned for writing songs about women's rights and about challenging apartheid.<ref>{{Cite news|url = https://www.highbeam.com/doc/1P2-18678002.html|title = No Matter How Hard the Censors Try, You Just Can't Keep a Good Song Down|last = Didcock|first = Barry|date = 27 November 1998|work = The Scotsman|access-date = 16 January 2016|via = HighBeam Research|subscription = yes}}</ref>- folded in 1bandsaw (talk) 21:29, 16 January 2016 (UTC)

The griot-artist community of Mauritania has honored her by calling her the "first true composer in Maurtania."<ref>{{Cite book|title = Malouma and the Sahel Hawl Blues|last = |first = |publisher = University Musical Society|year = 2004|isbn = |location = |pages = |type = Educational guide|url = http://ums.org/assets/Malouma_Final.pdf}}</ref> - folded in 1bandsaw (talk) 21:33, 16 January 2016 (UTC)

Looks like she got a grant on her preservation Foundation. SusunW (talk) 23:12, 17 January 2016 (UTC)

Should it be in a separate heading? [1]

I restructured the article a bit and put this in the cultural preservation section. SusunW (talk) 21:09, 18 January 2016 (UTC)

• DO WE CALL HER FAMILY the El Meïddah (or should it be the El Meydah) family or leave out the "the". I know that El means "the" but in English we tend to use that as part of the name regardless of language, thus we have the von Trapp family, the El Greco painting, etc.

I would call her family "Meidah". It is a very common family name in Mauritania (see http://forebears.io/surnames/meidah).--Ipigott (talk) 11:40, 16 January 2016 (UTC)

"she is also the granddaughter of Mohamed Yahya Ould Boubane another virtuoso of words and the tidinit (a small traditional guitar)". Would this be her mother's side of the family?{{sfn|Rush, et. al.|2004–2005|p=10}} SusunW (talk) 17:36, 16 January 2016 (UTC)

I feel like there should be more information on education for Malouma. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Xdanx1232 (talk • contribs) 21:32, 7 February 2016 (UTC)

works

Library of congress [2]

In the LoC search for her name I other than her albums, I find:

"Ping kong" Catalog Record Only Vocal selections sung in Arabic. DuOud (Mehdi Haddab, Jean-Pierre Smadja, acoustic and electric ouds) ; Malouma, vocals (tracks 3 and 6) ; with assisting musicians. Recorded at Paris Studio no 5. Compact disc. Credits and notes in French ([10] p. : col. ill.) inserted in container.
   Contributor: Duoud (Musical Group) 
   Original Format: Audio Recordings
   Date: 2009"

How does one reference this in regard to music? Is it a cameo, as it would be in film? Or something like "She was a featured vocalist on two songs (named?) on the 2009 Ping Kong album by Duoud"? SusunW (talk) 16:50, 17 January 2016 (UTC)

Okay, further research makes me think she did tracks 3 and 7. this source says she composed "Malouma (tracks: 3, 7)" and sang on them "Vocals – Bruno Ferrier (tracks: 11), Malouma (tracks: 3, 7)" to verify further, I pulled up 3, 6, and 7 on another site.

3 is "Missy Nouackshott" this says composers were Composed by Haddab / Malouma / Smadj

6 is "Luthausore" this gives no composition credits at all

7 is "Sable Émouvant" this says composed by Malouma

So, I'm going to add it into works section and someone can change if they think it needs to be corrected. SusunW (talk) 00:07, 19 January 2016 (UTC)

photos

Would that I had found photos SusunW (talk) 21:55, 16 January 2016 (UTC) Surely the Library of Congress is a RS and moreso than some of the commercial sites. There is also a large section in the Rush resource below that talks about her music. SusunW (talk) 02:25, 17 January 2016 (UTC)

Do you think we could use an album cover as "fair use?" Megalibrarygirl (talk) 15:20, 17 January 2016 (UTC)

Found a photo on Flickr with the right creative commons license: Megalibrarygirl (talk) 15:32, 17 January 2016 (UTC)

Malouma in performance in Mauritania, 2004

Megalibrarygirl Sue, I am DANCING for joy! Woo Hoo! I am thinking this easily will meet GA, but we have to have pictures. I don't know enough about them, to know what is useable. I searched and searched on Flickr, but I was really limited, as a bunch of the photos said, not available in your area *sigh* and all I see is a blank box. There is one that is on MySpace too and I wondered if that would be a public image. Anyone know how FB and MySpace pictures are treated by WP? SusunW (talk) 15:53, 17 January 2016 (UTC)

I was super excited to find it too. It was a shot in the dark. I am totally awful at the Wikimedia Commons thing, but I do know that if it matches the Flickr license, we're good. That was the only Flickr photo that matched. :) I think that FB and Myspace pics still belong to the copyright holder. Megalibrarygirl (talk) 15:55, 17 January 2016 (UTC)

I have even tried searching for images of the ardin harp, without a player, and cannot find free images. Grrrrrrrrrr SusunW (talk) 17:47, 17 January 2016 (UTC)

No images of the senate either SusunW (talk) 19:28, 17 January 2016 (UTC)

It's almost like this giant country doesn't even exist.... Megalibrarygirl (talk) 19:44, 17 January 2016 (UTC)

Megalibrarygirl I know, it's crazy. Anyone know if images taken by a US embassy employee also are fair use? I found this, not the best picture, but it's a picture. [3] SusunW (talk) 20:39, 17 January 2016 (UTC)

SusunW, I think that any picture taken by the US Government is automatically public domain. Megalibrarygirl (talk) 17:43, 18 January 2016 (UTC)

Megalibrarygirl That's what I thought, but I asked an expert about WP photo policy to be sure. Am waiting on a reply. SusunW (talk) 17:45, 18 January 2016 (UTC)

:Megalibrarygirl And its a go :) SusunW (talk) 19:04, 18 January 2016 (UTC)

Senator

I saw somewhere and now I cannot find the reference, that she was the first in her caste to be allowed in the Senate. Did anyone else see this reference? SusunW (talk) 23:53, 17 January 2016 (UTC)

Okay, I found it in the piece from Tishreen News SusunW (talk) 22:35, 18 January 2016 (UTC)

Translation

An article in French already exist w:fr:Maalouma Mint Mukhtar Ould Meidah. But no picture there and the article appears of lesser quality than yours from a very quick perspective. But I have not been looking in detail yet. Anthere (talk)

Nomination

@1bandsaw, Ipigott, Megalibrarygirl, and Rosiestep: I moved her to mainspace. Let's do any final polishing. I vote for bypassing DYK until after GA nomination. In lieu of other photos, since we cannot seem to find any, I am wondering if a location map showing where Mauritania is would be helpful. I am also wondering if we could use the image of instruments page 2 as fair use. I cannot find any other images of instruments and clearly they would demonstrate the instruments she plays and help to add recognition to those instruments. Thoughts? SusunW (talk) 15:35, 19 January 2016 (UTC)

I would think the instruments would be nice to have. Also, in terms of the photo, did anyone see any contact information for her/her agent in any of the sources such that we could request a suitably licensed picture? 1bandsaw (talk) 17:37, 19 January 2016 (UTC)

I like the idea of having the instruments, too. I'll look for agent info. How can I help with the GA nom, SusunW? :) Megalibrarygirl (talk) 18:35, 19 January 2016 (UTC)

@Megalibrarygirl and 1bandsaw: Thanks! Then I am going to load them as fair use and hope for the best. For the nomination, I just put the banner on it and then e-mail a reviewer. What we will need is for everyone to watchlist the page and help clear any issues as quickly as possible. SusunW (talk) 18:50, 19 January 2016 (UTC)

@SusunW and 1bandsaw:, I found this info about a potential agent: [4], this is the linkedin page for the agent: [5] Megalibrarygirl (talk) 18:54, 19 January 2016 (UTC)

@Megalibrarygirl and 1bandsaw: We can hold off nominating if someone wants to contact the agent for photos, but I would not be the person. I have very little understanding of what the type of release needs to be. I don't upload anything that isn't before 1923 or justifiable fair use because those are the only licenses I understand. SusunW (talk) 19:13, 19 January 2016 (UTC)

@SusunW and 1bandsaw:, I'll give it a shot, but I'm not sure if he speaks English... Megalibrarygirl (talk) 19:15, 19 January 2016 (UTC)

Megalibrarygirl Woot! Keep us updated. @Rosiestep and Ipigott: both speak French if you get into trouble. Hopefully he speaks English or French. But since his linked-in page is in English, fingers crossed. SusunW (talk) 19:21, 19 January 2016 (UTC)

No problem. I just shot off an email, SusunW. Megalibrarygirl (talk) 19:22, 19 January 2016 (UTC)

In my very limited GA experience, I've found that the reviewers tend to like a cite on every sentence and the citations in a neat, consistent format (sfn seems to be a popular one). I'll try and do a pass this evening to do that. 1bandsaw (talk) 19:35, 19 January 2016 (UTC)

Very cool 1bandsaw Most of my reviewers have been fine with only changing cites when the source changes, but consistency is definitely required. I also know they do not want cites in the lede as it is a summary of what should already be cited in the body. Did I say how much I love working with this group? I do! SusunW (talk) 20:43, 19 January 2016 (UTC)

I'm also pretty good with refs, especially sfn, so I'll take a look at that. --Rosiestep (talk) 02:30, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

I've done some of the conversion to sfn, but I've left the harder ones still to do. Rosiestep, if you want to take a turn, please feel free, otherwise I'll come back to them tomorrow night. I've still not done the cite per sentence check, but I'm willing to do that tomorrow as well, unless one of you beats me to it.1bandsaw (talk) 07:09, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

Forgot to mention, in my cut/paste of the Khalil 2008 source, somehow I broke something, it shows funny on my browser. I'm hoping that one of you with the Arabic skills can correct the damage I've done. 1bandsaw (talk) 07:11, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

@1bandsaw: The Khalil 2008 source seems fine now; I'm viewing on Firefox. --Rosiestep (talk) 15:23, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

1bandsaw I think I fixed it. Also got a couple others that were showing red errors on my browser. For refs that have no author or too many authors or you want to use something different than the standard surname because of language, the name is too long, substandard characters or for whatever reason, instead of ref=harv, you have to input ref={{harvid|الخليل (Khalil)|2008}}. @Ipigott: I bow to your skill. Thank you for the additional photos too. @Rosiestep: and 1bandsaw gracias mi amigas. You know I don't like doing refs after the fact. Thank you for your help with them. They're looking great! SusunW (talk) 15:25, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

1bandsaw You totally rock! Those refs look fabulous. SusunW (talk) 07:13, 21 January 2016 (UTC)

Music festivals

• The only thing we might still add to the article is coverage of the major music festivals she has participated in. There are a number of news articles as well as videos and summary text. Sources include Cathage, Tunisia, 1988, Fez, Morocco, 2002, Angoulême, France, 2003, Nouakchott, Mauritania, 2004, Paleo, Nyon, Switzerland 2007, Førde Folk Music Festival, Norway, 2010, Ahaggar, Algeria, 2012, WOMAD Festival 2013, in Wiltshire, England, Monpellier, France, May 2014, Rhizomes, France, 2014. There may well be more? Does anyone think these should be included? If so, I can work on it later today or tomorrow.--Ipigott (talk) 16:30, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

Ipigott That would be great, Ian. I know she was touring in the US in 2004 and 2005, premiered in Boston and Chicago, but I haven't seen notice of a music festival. I also know she did the WOMEX in 2003 as she was a chosen performer. That reference should be in the text. I'll do some poking around and if you want to start it, I'll see if I can add anything. SusunW (talk) 16:42, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

Any help would be appreciated, Susun. Rather than a list, I think we should have a discursive section with something on the music she presented and any reactions, reviews, etc., we can find. You'll find there's already quite a bit in the sources I have found. It could be part of the section on her music. I'll get back to it tomorrow unless you'd like to make a start on it yourself. While festivals are an important part of her appearances, we can of course include any other major presentations, particularly those abroad.--Ipigott (talk) 16:50, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

I also found this [6] Documentary about her that won awards. SusunW (talk) 16:52, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

I'll make a cursory start Ian. Cannot read the first source, it is in French and a PDF, but I'll input the dates and links and ref. Y'all who speak French can flesh it out. SusunW (talk) 17:21, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

Okay, I have them listed, fleshed out where I could. Sources are all input, which for me is the worst part, so it should be fairly simple to just reuse the sfn headers. I put the documentary under recognition, it won a couple of awards. SusunW (talk) 20:59, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

Looks pretty good. I'll get back to it tomorrow.--Ipigott (talk) 21:19, 20 January 2016 (UTC)

• OK, I've expanded on this and also added a few more bits and bobs to the article. Maybe SusunW or Megalibrarygirl could have a quick look at the changes to make sure everything is sourced correctly. Then from my point of view, it's good for nomination to wherever you want it to go. It's been quite interesting doing something completely different for once. And I've learnt quite a bit about African, particularly Moorish music.--Ipigott (talk) 16:51, 21 January 2016 (UTC)

Ipigott I think it looks great. Love the drums. Am hoping that Sue's discussion with the agent will result in the release of a couple of photos (One as a senator). Just waiting on that. And yes, I learn so much from the articles I do here. It's kind of ironic that one of the motivations to continue is so that we have an article when people want to learn something, but in creating it, I think I often learn more than the audience. SusunW (talk) 16:56, 21 January 2016 (UTC)

@Ipigott and SusunW:, I'll double check the sources and do a general lookover. I still haven't heard back from Malouma's manager, but finger's crossed on those pics! :D And, I'll third the notion that in writing on Wiki I learn so much about the world. I've traveled the globe from my armchair. :) Megalibrarygirl (talk) 17:59, 21 January 2016 (UTC)

@Megalibrarygirl: I wouldn't depend too much on getting permission to use photos from Malouma's manager. In any case, it looks to me as if the article is already pretty well illustrated now. If we're going for GA, we should be careful not to include too many photos. Many editors are critical of over illustration.--Ipigott (talk) 11:24, 22 January 2016 (UTC)

I figure we can always add her photo as a senator or change out the photos we have for better ones if Sue gets permission. If we think its ready, and I agree that there isn't much more to be done, I'm ready to get her nominated. SusunW (talk) 15:00, 22 January 2016 (UTC)

Sorry I didn't get a chance to comment here last night. Let's go for the GA, Ipigott. Everything looks good to me. I'll watch the GA page after you all set it up. Megalibrarygirl (talk) 15:09, 22 January 2016 (UTC)

Okay, done SusunW (talk) 15:40, 22 January 2016 (UTC)

GA review mixup

My apologies to all concerned. I appear to have unintentionally upset the review by adding a map at Dr. Blofeld's request. I had no idea he was reviewing the article - indeed I did not even know it had been submitted for review. Now I see he has completely abandoned the review. That's a great pity as he always has excellent advice.

I hope this will not diminish our chances.--Ipigott (talk) 16:53, 22 January 2016 (UTC)

Don't stress on it Ian. I'm sure it will be fine. We've done a very good job with her. Dr. B's input is always welcome. If he prefers not to review, someone else will. (And before I even finished typing, I see that Jaguar is taking it on.) SusunW (talk) 18:12, 22 January 2016 (UTC)

Yes, I've passed on this one, Jaguar can review it. I will review future ones, even if a collaboration, but just make sure next time you're aware that I'm editing it as part of the reviews!♦ Dr. Blofeld 20:14, 22 January 2016 (UTC)

I'm glad to see everything has been sorted out so quickly and apologize once again for the misunderstanding. I should have been alerted that Megalibrarygirl had said "Let's go for GA" at 15.40 but nothing came through to me -- so I obviously thought Dr. Blofeld was just helping to edit the document in the normal way. Things move more and more quickly around here.--Ipigott (talk) 20:54, 22 January 2016 (UTC)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Malouma/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 17:45, 22 January 2016 (UTC)

As requested, I'll take this on. Will leave some comments soon. JAGUAR  17:45, 22 January 2016 (UTC)

Initial comments

• "Her fourth album, Knou (2014) once again includes lyrics expressing her views" - why use 'once again' here?

 Done SusunW (talk) 01:46, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

• "Side-by-side with her singing" - maybe try Alongside her singing, but feel free to ignore this

 Done SusunW (talk) 01:46, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

• "she grew up in the little village of Charatt" - I'd remove 'little', sounds informal. Or replace it with 'small'

 Done SusunW (talk) 01:46, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

• "was a celebrated singer, tidinet player and poet" - though I know there's a reason (and I'm probably wrong), but why are instruments italicised here? I don't see them italicised in their articles. Same goes with ardin

@Ipigott, Megalibrarygirl, 1bandsaw, and Rosiestep: can someone answer this one? I don't know and am unsure if the words are italicized as "foreign" words or if that is traditional and if it is, then we need to italicize the words throughout. SusunW (talk) 01:57, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

I thought we italicized them because they were foreign words. Megalibrarygirl (talk) 02:09, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

I'm down with that Megalibrarygirl. I just tried to search both in dictionary.com and get no results. Thus, it seems logical that they are foreign words. Question is then, what is WP's manner of style? And if it is italics, then they should be italicized throughout. SusunW (talk) 03:50, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

Okay Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Text formatting#Foreign terms says italicize if not in Merriam-Webster. Checked there too and they are not. So...going to italicize throughout. SusunW (talk) 03:57, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

Comment: At one point I actually removed the italics on tidinet as it seems to be the accepted term in English. Indeed, there are now Wikipedia articles on both tidinet and ardin and I noticed tidinet was not in italics here. So finally I think this must remain an open question unless we can find advice elsewhere.--Ipigott (talk) 08:02, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

• "is remembered as a talented writer and tidinet virtuoso" - tidinet is not italicised here

 Done corrected so that it is italicized. See above, per MOS words not in Merriam-Webster should be italicized as foreign. SusunW (talk) 04:01, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

• "and worked with her on her second album, Dunya (meaning Life)" - remove 'meaning', translations in brackets usually come without denotations

 Done SusunW (talk) 01:49, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

• "she no longer felt she could keep up her political fight for democracy although she would continue to support cultural and environmental causes" - comma needed before 'democracy' and 'although'

 Done SusunW (talk) 01:52, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

• "the 2012 IUCN World Conservation Congress held on Jeju Island, Republic of Korea" - South Korea

 Done SusunW (talk) 01:52, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

• "which was aimed at eliminating slums in the country" - Mauritania, to be more specific

 Done SusunW (talk) 01:52, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

• "That same year, N'Diaye Cheikh, a Mauritanian filmmaker produced a documentary about her, entitled Malouma" - comma needed in between 'filmmaker' and 'produced'

 Done SusunW (talk) 01:54, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

• "2003, Dunya (meaning Life)" and "2007, Nour (meaning Light)" - could do without the 'meanings', but it's up to you

 Done SusunW (talk) 01:49, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

• No dead links

An excellent article! I enjoyed reading through it. It is comprehensive, well written and well referenced, so I couldn't find many issues with it. She sounds like a very influential person. A GA would surely be another honour to her legacy. JAGUAR  23:02, 22 January 2016 (UTC)

Jaguar Thank you for your review. We will address the items as quickly as possible. SusunW (talk) 01:54, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

Jaguar I think we have answered all of your issues. Please see the discussion on italics. If you have anything else, please let us know. SusunW (talk) 04:01, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

Great job guys, I'm satisifed with the changes that have been made now, virtually all my points seems to have been covered. It's passable.♦ Dr. Blofeld 10:49, 24 January 2016 (UTC)

Thanks for clearing all of that up! With the secondary review moved to the talk page, I think it's safe to say that this article definitely meets the criteria. Well done JAGUAR  13:53, 24 January 2016 (UTC)

Some additional pointers for improvement unrelated to the GA review

These can be addressed once the article is passed in everybody's own time without anybody feeling overburdened. These are not part of the GA review. Please state done or tick each point when addressed so we can track what has been done or not. They are intended to help improve the article, not impede its progress.

Lede

• In the lede " An immediate success, it caused an outcry from the traditional ruling classes" - I think you need to add "Though" at the start.
• "addressing such forbidden topics as " -doesn't seem right, try "addressing controversial topics such as". Or you could reword it as "Due to her songs addressing forbidden topics of discussion in the country such as conjugal life, poverty and inequality, she was censored in Mauritania in the early 1990s but began to perform abroad by the end of the decade.
• "Senator in 2007 and "When elections were again held in 2009" -links to the articles on the elections would be good.

Done-Ipigott (talk) 12:10, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

 Done

Early life

• "she grew up in the small village of Charatt, just south of Mederdra in the deserts of West Africa" -deserts of West Africa is vague here, I would word it as "she grew up in the small desert village of Charatt, just south of Mederdra"
• "She began elementary school " -don't start new paragraphs with "she", check article throughout for this, same problem in next paragraph and it's prevalent throughout the article. Bear this in mind for future articles too.
• Comma needed after Wagner.
• "As she matured, she also became increasingly interested in blues music which somewhat resembles the traditional music she knew." -don't think you need to use "also" her, and I'm not convinced by the statement "somewhat resembles " which seems a bit OR if you're not assertive. Try something like, As she matured, she increasingly became interested in blues music, which bore a resemblance to the traditional music that she knew. Obviously that has to be backed by the source.
• ". It brought her instant recognition and backlash including physical attacks in the traditional Muslim country." -again you can't have a positive and a negative juxtaposed in one sentence, it should be ". It brought her instant recognition, but created a backlash, which resulted in physical attacks from Muslims. This is also vague, it is not clear who made the attacks and the nature of them.
• "She was initially accused by her father of ruining his reputation, not only with her music but with two divorces to her name: her first husband had been forced upon her, the second came from a noble family who would not allow her to sing." - a bit of a mouthful in one

Tried to sort all this out - Done--Ipigott (talk) 12:27, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

Not quite, there's still a ton of paragraphs throughout which begin with "In 2003, she was selected" etc. They should all be changed to Malouma.♦ Dr. Blofeld 12:30, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

Did I get the rest, Dr. Blofeld? Megalibrarygirl (talk) 17:07, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

Except two I think which I've just addressed. There's still some uses of Malouma Meidah vs Malouma though which need to be consistent.♦ Dr. Blofeld 17:20, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

I addressed the Malouma Meidah vs Malouma issue. --Rosiestep (talk) 00:36, 24 January 2016 (UTC)

I am still very uncomfortable with the informality of calling her simply Malouma in her official capacity since all of the documents of her as a senator use her full name. But, I bow to the changes because it really is unimportant in the long run and having the good article approved is important. SusunW (talk) 00:46, 24 January 2016 (UTC)

In that case, perhaps you should state within the article In politicis, Malouma is referred to by her full name, Malouma Meidah.♦ Dr. Blofeld 10:42, 24 January 2016 (UTC)

 Done

Background

• "By singing in various languages, she hoped to ensure her message reached a broader audience" -try adding "that" after ensure or reword as something like "By singing in various languages, she sought to air her message to a broader audience"
• "It was not long before she, her sister, Emienh, and her brother, Arafat, an instrumentalist, appeared on television. Their style was controversial, especially after the release of her song "Habibi Habeytou" and a 1988 appearance at the Carthage Festival in Tunis, because she addressed social issues, such as poverty, inequality and disease." -in the lede you stated "forbidden" but don't mention it here. A footnote or something explaining that they are banned from discussion/censorship in Mauritania would be good here. Link the festival here
• "She was censored for writing songs about women's rights and about challenging apartheid.[18] She was subsequently banned from appearing on television and radio, holding concerts, and was even denied a permanent address.[17] She did not perform anywhere for a lengthy period[17] but in the late 1990s she began to sing in other African countries,[19] in Europe,[8] and in the United States.[20] While she" -a lot of shes..
• "speak out against child marriages, against racial and ethnic discrimination, against slavery " -no need to repeat against three times, just once will suffice.

 Done

Albums

• " When it was produced, Malouma felt that the traditional elements were taken out during production resulting" -comma needed after production Done
• "Her album, Nour, was released in France on 8 March 2007 in celebration of International Women's Day.[25] Produced by Marabi/Harmonia Mundi, the album featured " -this can be reworded to avoid saying "album" twice. Done
• toga -link? Done
• "Knou", a dance - add "which is" a dance

 Done

Music festivals

• "After a gap of several years" -15 years is a lot more than "several", I'd remove this part as redundant.
• ""artiste de l'année", (artist of the year)" -why the comma between?
• Fix link to Seville, Seville, Spain is a redirect
• "One of the highlights of Angoulême's Festival des Musiques Métisses had been the nostalgic "Mreïmida" which proved equally popular the following year at the Nouakchott Festival of Nomadic Music in her native Mauritania where she was finally permitted to perform after her ban had been lifted. " -you've forgotten punctuation here. Not clear what the "the nostalgic "Mreïmida"" actually is, so means little to the reader that she actually performed it again at home. "was" rather than "had been" would be preferrable too.
• "In 2005, she toured in the United States " -new paragraph needed Done
• "with appearances in Ann Arbor, Michigan; Chicago, Illinois; Boston and Cambridge, Massachusetts; Lafayette, Louisiana where she appeared " -rep of appearances/appeared and a missing comma. I would write the sentence as In 2005, Malouma toured in the United States, with appearances in Ann Arbor, Michigan; Chicago, Illinois; Boston and Cambridge, Massachusetts and Lafayette, Louisiana, where she appeared in the Festival International de Louisiane, before finishing in New York City".
• Consider varying the dates a little to improve readability, try replacing "In 2007" with "Two years later," In 2007, Malouma participated in the 32nd Paléo Festival in Nyon, Switzerland, which focused on musicians from North Africa.[35] The 2010 edition of the Førde International Folk Music Festival, held in Førde, Norway under the theme of "freedom and oppression", also featured Malouma. I would reword as "Two years later, Malouma participated in the 32nd Paléo Festival in Nyon, Switzerland, which focused on musicians from North Africa, and she also made an appearance in the 2010 edition of the Førde International Folk Music Festival, held in Førde, Norway, which had the theme of "freedom and oppression".
• "Her performance was well received, with praise for the balance of instrumentals and vocals, the composition, and her performance with two back up vocalists.[38] Her 2013 performance " -rep of performance
• "World of Music, Arts and Dance Festival (WOMAD) held in Wiltshire, England" -add comma before held
• " Her second stage performance at the event also brought praise for her "rock-star" performance embracing modern music.[" -why is rock star quoted? If the article has a quote about her performance that would be useful here.
• "Meeting of the Arts of the Arab World Festival" -unclear whether this was a festival or a conference on music.

 Done

Politics

• "In 2007, in what was widely considered the first freely held and fair election" -link for 2007 election
• In the politics section, why do you begin calling her Malouma Meidah rather than simply Malouma?

Before we began the article our consensus was that calling her simply Melouma as a politician was too informal. SusunW (talk) 23:56, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

• " she urged that the infrastructures had to be prepared " -prepared doesn't seem the right word here, had to be developed or in place you mean? Doesn't read right that part, try something like "In 2009, Malouma Mediah was involved in a project to relocate 9,000 slum-dwelling families from the outskirts of the city into inner city neighborhoods, but found that the infrastructure would need to be developed first for health reasons."
• "appointed Malouma Meidah Goodwill Ambassador for Central and West Africa. The appointment required her to raise awareness of environmental problems with a view to introducing sustainable solutions. On her appointment " -rep of appointed/ment

I think I've handled most of the points up to here but have now run out of time. Will return tomorrow unless someone else follows up on it.--Ipigott (talk) 17:01, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

I concur Ian, looks like you addressed the issues. I made very few additions  Done SusunW (talk) 23:56, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

Preservation

• Link for World Conservation Congress?
• "Because the caste system limits creation of music to a few families, traditional music in Mauritania has belonged to a closed culture and had limited life. " -awkward
• "When she produced Nour, Malouma collaborated with the painter, Sidi Yahia, hoping to create visual images to express and preserve cultural traditions. Eleven paintings resulted from the joint venture.[3" -needs rewording, try "When she produced Nour in xxx (year), Malouma produced eleven paintings with the painter, Sidi Yahia, as a way to express and preserve cultural traditions." It's also not clear what the link is between Nour and the paintings. Did they feature in the album?

 Done I think I clarified this. She didn't make the paintings, Yahia did. They presented them in several shows. SusunW (talk) 00:28, 24 January 2016 (UTC)

Awards

• "In 2003, she was selected by the jury as one of the World Music Expo (WOMEX) showcase artists.[32] In 2005, she was selected by Charlie Gillett, noted BBC musicologist, for his 2005 selected " -rep of selected and she was. Try "In 2003, Malouma was selected by the jury as one of the World Music Expo (WOMEX) showcase artists, and two years later she was chosen by BBC musicologist Charlie Gillett to feature on his 2005 compilation". (A title would be good here)
• " Festival of Dakar" -no link?
• "The griot-artist community of Mauritania has also acclaimed her by calling her the "first true composer in Mauritania"." -doesn't really fit within first paragraph, I'd move that right to the end of the section.
• " by the French ambassador," -does he have a name?

 Done --Rosiestep (talk) 00:30, 24 January 2016 (UTC)

Selected works

• There are inconsistencies in full stop usage.
• Haven't you already linked tidinit lute and ardin harp i?

 Done --Rosiestep (talk) 15:43, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

♦ Dr. Blofeld 08:47, 23 January 2016 (UTC)

Winner of Wiki loves Women

On 16 February, it was announced that with the article Malouma a team from Women in Red has won the English-language strand of the Wiki Loves Women competition for biographies on African women.--Ipigott (talk) 13:36, 16 February 2016 (UTC)

External links modified

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• Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20160126004410/http://www.mondomix.com/news/malouma-le-retour-d-une-chanteuse-senatrice to http://www.mondomix.com/news/malouma-le-retour-d-une-chanteuse-senatrice
• Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20151010035828/http://bostonphoenix.com/boston/music/other_stories/documents/04586066.asp to http://www.bostonphoenix.com/boston/music/other_stories/documents/04586066.asp
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• Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20090225184329/http://mondomix.com/event/womex2003/j24/j24.htm to http://www.mondomix.com/event/womex2003/j24/j24.htm
• Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20160215192415/http://yeah.paleo.ch/en/edition/2007 to http://yeah.paleo.ch/en/edition/2007
• Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20160126113701/http://www.senat.mr/home.php?article67&var_recherche=maalouma to http://www.senat.mr/home.php?article67&var_recherche=maalouma
• Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20160127010057/http://www.senat.mr/home.php?article112&var_recherche=maalouma to http://www.senat.mr/home.php?article112&var_recherche=maalouma
• Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20160127054719/http://www.senat.mr/home.php?article69&var_recherche=maalouma to http://www.senat.mr/home.php?article69&var_recherche=maalouma
• Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20160124134824/http://mauritania.usembassy.gov/malouma2015.html to http://mauritania.usembassy.gov/malouma2015.html

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