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Humour

Dangerous carrots

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By Barbara Page
Hello Love!

A major carrot-teristic of our favorite orange vegetable (sorry pumpkins) is their affectionate nature. Don't be fooled. Just like the smiling family pit bull, they will eventually turn on you. While this underground root can be oddly shaped, others are heralded for their amusing appearance for obvious reasons. Carrots can kill.[1]

Causes

Carrots sometimes form mobs that can quickly get out of control. This particular group has already begun moving toward a nearby town.
In this instance a large group of carrots made it all the way into downtown Paris before dispersing.
Just before being dispersed, the members of this mob of carrots can be seen with expressions of confusion and disorientation.
Carrots will sometimes employ the use of chipmunks to form themselves into assault weapons. (Click on the image see what is really going on)
Here you can see the carrots emerging from the ground as they begin to congregate.
This dangerous carrot was ambushed in hand-to-mouth combat.
Carrots' rights lobbyist.

Not all experience the dark side of this root vegetable. Indeed, carrots have aggressively begun a successful effort to change their image. See this website to see how their public relations team has revamped their image. Carrots have also developed their own version of AI – and they have targeted humans and our tendency to expand our waistlines.[2] Carrots are well adapted in handling stress. When their taproot is growing and the tip is damaged, it can split, forming multiple roots at odd angles. During its primordium (plant embryonic development) stage, damage to the growing vegetable can cause more bizarre and extreme mutations.[3]

Carrots will naturally grow around or avoid obstacles in the soil such as small stones and other foreign objects to prevent damage to the developing root, resulting in a wide variety of different shapes.[4]

Other vegetables and fruits have been made to suffer. In Japan, farmers around Zentsūji, Kagawa found a way to grow cubic watermelons by growing the fruits in glass boxes and letting them naturally assume the shape of the receptacle. The square-shaped watermelon was intended to make the melons easier to stack and store, but because the melons must be picked before they’re ripe they are inedible; the cubic watermelons are also often more than double the price of normal watermelons.[5]

Legislation

In response to the real carrot danger, the European Union attempted to introduce legislation prohibiting the sale of misshapen fruit and vegetables was defeated. The proposed "uniform standardisation parameters" would have applied to straight bananas and curved cucumbers, as well as to more extreme cases such as carrots with multiple "legs", or fused fruit. The main concern for opponents of the proposed legislation was the ethical question of the wastage it would have generated if growers were forced to discard up to 20% of their crop, produce that was nutritionally identical to more regularly shaped specimens.[6] The Fruits et légumes moches (ugly fruit and vegetables) campaign aims to encourage the purchase of more unusually shaped vegetables and fruits in France, to combat food waste.[7]

Competitions

It is common in some countries to celebrate the diversity of carrots, with particularly unusual items being entered into competitions. Many of these are judged by the ugliness of the vegetable.[8] Some organisations run contests in which gardeners enter the largest vegetables that they have grown, with pumpkins being particular favourites.[9]

The phrase, "Kau ni tahap carrot pun tak sampai!" which means "You don't even reach the level of a carrot," has recently been used as an insult.[10] The popular BBC television programme That's Life! mixed investigative journalism with more lighthearted sections, which included items on unusually shaped vegetables.[11]

The BBC comedy television programme Blackadder contains several jokes relating to the character Baldrick and his obsession with odd-shaped turnips. The most notable example occurs in the episode "Beer", in which Baldrick discovers a turnip shaped like a phallus, giving rise to several jokes throughout the episode.

Ben Elton's novel This Other Eden is set in a future in which most aspects of life are controlled to conformity, meaning the loss of 'amusingly shaped vegetables', much to the protagonist's annoyance.

A giant vegetable competition featured in Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit.

  • Say hi to junior.
    Say hi to junior.
  • It is time to hop into your carrot pants.
    It is time to hop into your carrot pants.
  • Genetic variations.
    Genetic variations.
  • Carrots can get moldy.
    Carrots can get moldy.
  • This carrot is impersonating an upside-down cow udder.
    This carrot is impersonating an upside-down cow udder.
  • Silly Mr. Carrot.
    Silly Mr. Carrot.
  • When a carrot goes bad, they will end up in jail with their cricket prison guards.
    When a carrot goes bad, they will end up in jail with their cricket prison guards.
  • The carrot-synchronized swim team taking a short break during practice.
    The carrot-synchronized swim team taking a short break during practice.

References

  1. ^ Laurie Tarkan (May 24, 2010), "The 10 Biggest Choking Hazards", The New York Times
  2. ^ 7 Minutes in Hell Workout, Meet Carrot official website by Grailr, accessed November 19, 2018
  3. ^ Plant Answers. "Why are some of my vegetables growing into such odd and unusual shapes?". Retrieved 5 June 2007.
  4. ^ "Hints From Heloise: Hairy strings a carrot thing?". The Washington Post. Retrieved 29 March 2018.
  5. ^ BBC News. 15 June 2001. "Square fruit stuns Japanese shoppers". Retrieved 5 June 2007.
  6. ^ "Wonky fruit to stay on sale in EU". BBC News. 25 March 2010.
  7. ^ "Fruits et légumes moches: moins chers et désormais disponibles partout". L'Express (in French). 16 October 2014. Retrieved 25 March 2018.
  8. ^ Cornwall County Council. 16 September 2005. "Giant Vegetable Competition and Show at Kehelland Horticultural Centre[dead link]". Retrieved 22 October 2010.
  9. ^ Cheung, Maxine. The Toronto Observer. "Stouffville grower squashes the competition at the Royal Winter Fair". Retrieved 5 June 2007.
  10. ^ Khairy whacks Papagomo for being 'lower than a carrot', The Star (Malaysia), November 11, 2018
  11. ^ "Rantzen's years in the limelight". BBC. 16 June 2006. Retrieved 29 August 2013.
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  • (Note: If you have not read the Anne of Green Gables series just skip this as it will be meaningless and not very funny at all.)

Pretty good article but I dare say, was it by accident or design that no mention of the human complications that being a carrot top brings to our unfortunate children? How can this article be complete without a mention of one of the most famous carrot tops of all time? These unfortunate people should not be just hidden away as though their lives don't matter. They do!!! Take for example Anne "Carrots" of Green Gables. Just look what it did to her (more recent photo here) [1]. Following the latest edition of Anne's story a literary scholar gave this report:

"Elena M" wrote: "For those of you who have not read this series, I will give you a summary: Anne is a young red-headed orphan sent to live on a farm on Prince Edward Island. Unfortunately the adoptive family wanted a boy but she does her best to fit in and warm their hearts. However, after coping with her feelings of abandonment and insecurity, getting her best friend drunk, getting teased by a boy in school [that's Gilbert who called her "Carrots," forcing her to break her slate over his head], and losing the only real father figure she's ever known, she dyes her hair blonde, [starts to wear eye makeup], dons a plaid shirt and becomes the town whore of Avonlea."

BTW, I LOVED this article--it's one of the best, maybe the best, thing I've ever read here. Gandydancer (talk) 19:03, 1 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

It made my day to have such a kind compliment appear here, especially by you Gandydancer. I would like to explain myself a bit-it will give you an idea of how my version of humour is created. Not only is writing articles, creating content about women, and fooling around on the Signpost a hobby of mind, but I like to lurk on commons and find the funny images there (Do a search on commons using "mud wrestling"). I originally was going to improve the article Carotene but alas, for reasons known to my fans, I am not allowed to contribute to that article. Anyway, my habit of commons-lurking led to the discovery of these carrot images. And so that is where my inspiration came from. I happened upon the category Carrots and images during my commons-surfing and came up with my most ridiculous interpretations of the images. To me, there was no other way to make sense of the images except to pull them all together into a plot in which I could make sense of them and create a story line. Again, I am honored to have brought a giggle to your life. The Very Best of Regards, Best Regards, Barbara ✐✉ 14:52, 2 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • This is a vicious and brutal all-out dissection of what the carrot has been upto! Clearly unparalleled in all of carrot literature, online and offline! :D :D Really witty! Such writing on Signpost is an inspiration! It was a lovely read :) DiplomatTesterMan (talk) 22:35, 2 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Shocked and appalled indeed. Let us not forget that young impressionables of a tender age read our words and look at our pictures. Certainly now that the National Geographic no longer serves as the medium for teens to observe nakedness (as it did for those of my age), we are responsible to use only the most appropriate photos---and the lovers entwined photo is far from appropriate. Frankly, I've had about enough of this "it's ok as long as it's "instructive" I say we must boil the lovers alive, out of love of course, and then dress them with butter and freshly ground pepper. Perhaps quarter them first. Gandydancer (talk) 19:10, 6 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Frankly, Gandydancer, I'm even more shocked and appalled by your suggested use of butter. How can you possibly not know that we all have to go vegan to save the planet from climate change? Tlhslobus (talk) 15:38, 7 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I am pretty sure everything, including the carrot problem is all Donald Trump's Fault. Life is easy when you automatically know who to blame (for everything) Best Regards, Barbara ✐✉ 00:13, 24 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Maybe it's almond butter. EEng 16:02, 7 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

This is my first time checking out the Signpost and this is the essay I encounter....no more carrots for me.-Sıgehelmus (Tålk) 01:57, 8 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Like I need one more reason to get blocked. Best Regards, Barbara ✐✉ 13:52, 19 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
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