Wikipedia:Peer review/List of Gantz chapters/archive1
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for October 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because a lot of work has been put forth to bring this list up to FL status. When the efforts began, it was at a low C at best. Please make any suggestions you see fit that will help us better the list if it is not deemed up to FL status.
Thanks! –m.f (t • c) 13:31, 25 October 2008 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that I've never reviewed a similar list before and that I'm using List of Claymore episodes as a kind of guideline on how these lists have been done at the FA level. Your list seems to be generally clear and complete. I have a few suggestions for improvement.
- I couldn't help but see the big "needs copyediting" tag at the top of the page. This tag is correct, although the errors should not be hard to fix. In the lead, for example, a sentence begins "The manga chapters have been published in the Japanese-language magazine Weekly Young Jump since 2000 and is still ongoing... " The word "chapters" is plural, but the verb "is" is singular. You could fix this by replacing "is" with "are", or you might prefer to say "and the series is still ongoing". I see other grammatical errors or typos such as the echo "a" in the phrase "tall alien attacks Kato making him fall from a a bridge" or misspellings such as "inivisible" that a copyeditor would most likely catch and fix.
- The prose could be tightened and made more clear. "Kurono is attracted to Kishimoto and asks if they can have a sexual relationship, but she rejects him. Kato becomes angry while remembering how the little green alien died and attacks a bully from his school. During the following days several people die and appear in the building in Tokyo along with the previous survivors. Kato tries to explain to them what is happening. A gangster tries to use a gun on Nishi but he is able to survive and kills him." A tighter re-write might say, "Kurono asks Kisimoto if they can have sex, but she says 'no'. Angered, Kato, remembering how the little green alien died, attacks a bully from his school. Later, several people die and join the group, and Kato tries to explain to them what is happening. A gangster tries to shoot Nishi, but Nishi kills him." The original version uses 82 words; my version uses 55. I think this kind of tightening of the plot summaries is possible throughout.
- In addition to eliminating redundant words, you might consider making the plot summaries no longer than four or five sentences. This would involve deciding which details could be left out without damaging the summaries.
- I think the first paragraph of the lead might include a sentence that explains a little more about the rules of the "game". The characters have to die to join the game, but they can come back to life and die again. Magic?
- What is tankōbon format?
- In the first summary, you use the characters' first names, Kei and Masaru, on second reference rather than their last names, Kurono and Kato. The Manual of Style recommends last names on second reference. In other summaries, you use last names. I'd recommend changing the exceptions in the first summary and looking through the other summaries to make sure there are no more exceptions.
I hope you find these brief comments to be helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 19:34, 4 November 2008 (UTC)