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January 2013

[edit]
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:Ian Rose on 09:47, 1 February 2013‎ [1].

The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati

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Nominator(s): Gen. Quon (Talk) 23:07, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The third time is the charm! This is the second episode of The X-Files's seventh season. It's an interesting little installment, in that it takes many of its elements from Nikos Kazantzakis's novel The Last Temptation of Christ and was co-written by star David Duchovny. It was recently promoted to Good Article several months ago and was also promoted to A-Class within the last few weeks. In the last month or so, it has undergone extensive copy-editing and prose-improvement. In fact, just recently, it underwent an extremely thorough copy-edit/peer-review courtesy of Sarastro. I feel that the article's prose, coupled with its scope, MoS compliance, images, etc. would make it a perfect candidate for a Featured Article.Gen. Quon (Talk) 23:07, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support Provisional support (with copy-editing disclaimer): I commented heavily at the peer review and I think this article has improved enormously since the last FAC; the nominator has put in a huge amount of work. I've copy-edited quite a bit, and have been picking away for quite some time; it is possible that there are a few prose issues I have missed (or made worse myself!) so my support is provisional until someone else takes a look at the prose. I had hoped others would comment before I did, but I think this one has been neglected here for long enough! I also think it may be worth asking SandyGeorgia to have a look, as she found a few issues at previous FACs for this article. But whatever happens to this FAC, well done for all the work. Sarastro1 (talk) 19:02, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I messaged SandyGeorgia to see if she has any suggestions.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:44, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
got the message, will get here as soon as I can. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 16:55, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Given the comments of SandyGeorgia and Giants2008 below, I am confident enough to switch to full support, with the qualification that nothing comes up from other reviewers. Sarastro1 (talk) 20:04, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments – The article definitely reads better than it did the last time I saw it, when I offered support at the first FAC. I still found some issues lurking in there, though.

  • "to discover Mulder in coma induced by exposure to the shards from an alien spaceship wreck." Surely this needs "a" before "coma"?
  • "that extraterrestrials were involved in ancient mass extinctions on on Earth...". Spot the repeated word.
  • Synopsis: Since FBI is now spelled out here, I imagine the full use should be moved to the lead, where the abbreviated version can be given to allow for the use of the initials later.
  • Writing: "Carter explained that there must be conflict between Mulder and Scully in order for the show's 'believer versus skeptic' dynamic to work properly." As is often the case, "in order" is redundant and unnecessary verbiage. It should be taken out of this sentence.
  • Casting and filming: "A scene in which Mulder watched himself age was filmed but was cut for unknown reasons." To avoid having two "was" uses in four words, I'd suggest dropping the second one.
  • Themes: Syndicate was linked in an earlier section (I think the first link is a new one), meaning that this is a touch of overlinking at the moment.
  • Broadcast and reception: I see U.S. and US in this section. I'm going to take a wild guess that Sarastro added the latter one. :-) To me, the one with the periods is the one to use for an American program, but I'd tolerate things the other way if they were made consistent. You're also going to need to look at UK, if changes are made.
  • "In the UK, 'The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati' aired on Sky1 and was viewed by 840,000 viewers". Two big issues here. First, we already said this was aired on Sky1 and had a wikilink to the station. At a minimum, the wikilink should be taken out; I'd support going farther and removing the Sky1 mention here due to its repetitive nature. Second, we have "viewed" and "viewers" close together. Given that "watched" appears later in the sentence, how about "seen" for the first usage?
  • "Kenneth Silber of Space.com" was mentioned by name in the previous section. With that established, the mention here should be reduced to the author's last name.
  • "He did, however, write that...". Sandy's going to be on you big-time if you have "however" without a really good reason. Her prose resolution for 2013 is to cut down on its usage. In this case, "He did" is a good enough transfer that I think "however" can be cut safely, while leaving the implied meaning intact.
  • Remove "the" from "calling it the 'very purple prose'"? Giants2008 (Talk) 03:38, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    All comments taken into consideration; I believe I have fixed them. How does it look now?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 04:40, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    Support – After the fixes here and below, and the peer review that tightened the article's writing significantly, I'm confident that it meets FA requirements now. My compliments for sticking with the article for this long. Giants2008 (Talk) 00:07, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Review by SandyGeorgia

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See some minor issues that could be cleaned up, only glanced at one or two sections of prose:

  • Unsure why the article uses US-style date, but the citations use international dates (month day, year versus day month year).
  • Most (but not all) of the long citations end in a full stop, while the short citations have no final period.
  • I flagged inline one missing date on a DVD citation -- pls review all.
  • Unclear ...
    and ranked as the 27th most-watched episode for the week ending November 14. ...
    The 27th most-watched of all of the X-files? Of all episodes of any series on TV that week? Of all X-files episodes for that year? In the later example for the UK in the same paragraph, it is made clear, but not here for the US.
  • were tuned into the episode.
    were tuned in to the episode ???
  • Missing comma or something after writing? Not sure ...
    Silber was disappointed in its resolution, writing "This episode adeptly combines
  • Please review throughout for logical puncutation (WP:MOSLQ).
    He dismissed "Mulder's one-week recovery from his horrifying ordeal" as "facile and unconvincing."

These are generally trivialities (but ones that should be cleaned up); overall, the article is much improved, and my previous oppose is addressed. Kudos to Sarastro1-- good enough that I probably won't revisit, so delegates can consider my concerns addressed once ... they are ! And I see Giants is carrying forward the "however" torch :) Be sure to search the article for every use of however, subsequently, recently, today, and currently or I'll come after 'ya !!! SandyGeorgia (Talk) 01:29, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for responding and commenting. I believe I have addressed all of the issues. I will continue to A) look for logical punctuation issues and B) clear the rest of the "however"s.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:56, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


Support with some comments by Ruby2010:

  • "Initial reviews were mixed and the plot and dialogue came in for criticism." I think "attracted criticism" would work better here.
  • "In this episode, Scully returns from Africa to discover Mulder in a coma induced by exposure to the shards from an alien spaceship wreck." Recommend you remove bolded
  • I would wikilink Navajo
  • Do the 2 citations at the end of the background section cover both paragraphs? I know that plot sections don't have to be cited, but it's a bit odd that you provide cites for part of the section but not all of it
  • I notice that you sometimes provide two citations when you use the same author (such as Shapiro (2000), p. 28 & Shapiro (2000), p. 29). Why not combine these into Shapiro (2000), pp. 28–29?

Otherwise, the content looks solid. Assuming the above issues get resolved, I'd be happy to support. Ruby 2010/2013 06:01, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

How does it loo now?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:36, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Good except I still see a few citations than can be combined. Ruby 2010/2013 17:41, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Did I get them all now? I don't see anymore, but I might have missed one. I also fixed some link issues, but those were unrelated.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 18:05, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
You missed the two Donaldson refs (pages 186 & 209). Ruby 2010/2013 18:13, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, I see. Is this the right way to bundle them now?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 18:56, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, they look better now. Ruby 2010/2013 19:08, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Sources and images but no spotchecks.

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 14:28, 30 January 2013 [2].

Journey (2012 video game)

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Nominator(s): PresN 06:47, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Hi all, it's been a while but I'm back again with another indie video game. Back in 2010/2011 I got the other games by this studio (as well as the studio itself) to FA-class, and I'm here to make the attempt with their latest. Here is Journey, which is no stretch to say is the indie video game darling of 2012- it's currently cleaning up in awards, beating out games with a hundred times its budget to win game of the year accolades, and with the first video game soundtrack to be nominated for a Grammy. I've tried very hard to ensure that this article is up to the same standards as my other featured articles, and I look forward to your comments. Thanks for reviewing! --PresN 06:47, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Story really needs to go before Gameplay in this case if they remain worded the same. I read the gameplay section and I had no idea what else is there besides the desert/sand. Rereading it after story actually made more sense. I guess I'm wondering why does one need to run/jump/levitate or care about the scarf if there aren't any actual obstacles described (I'm guessing mobs can't kill you). Is it just to make progress faster? —  HELLKNOWZ  ▎TALK 15:02, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Well, in general story never goes before gameplay, so I think it's more that the gameplay section isn't clear enough on it's own. There's no obstacles that can kill you per se, but if you need to cross a long ravine, for example, you need to create a bridge. I've address most of your concerns above, except clearing up the gameplay section/gameplay bit in the lead- I'll need to think on that for a bit first. --PresN 21:48, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Alright, I've played with it a bit, let me know what you think. I think the issue was that I was saying that you could walk "throughout" the level, and that the scarf lets you "fly", when really I meant that you were able to walk, and that the scarf lets you float- you can move horizontally, so you "fly", but you're not superman with unlimited vertical movement. I've tried to be a bit more explicit that the path through the levels is gated by obstacles that you need to sing and fly/float your way through. --PresN 22:14, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done

  • Fixed the discrepancy, and thesixthaxis, while not the world's biggest site, is a commercial site with editors. The interview in question with Austin Wintory is linked from Wintory's website, indicating that it is a valid interview and not made up or embellished. The source is not used for thesixthaxis's opinions or facts, only Wintory's comments. --PresN 00:27, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

More comments from Hellknowz:

  • "Journey has achieved both critical and commercial success" -- what is "critical success"?
  • Commercial success is success with commerce (sales), critical success is success with critics (reviews) - this is a very common phrase to describe this. --PresN 19:53, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I know what it means; I just cringe when I read it all the time. To me, that's like saying "emotional success" and meaning "emotes". But I'm nitpicking since this is like the top 10 phrase in reception sections. —  HELLKNOWZ  ▎TALK 20:25, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Overall the language and sentence structure is a bit more complex than it usually is in articles or needs to be. Personally, I don't find it hard to read, so that's not a big deal.
  • "Reviewers were laudatory" - reviews were, not reviewers? I'm not sure of this, but it doesn't seem right.
  • Reviewers write reviews, and as people can have emotions. Reviews, as words, cannot. It's the same was as we write that "Joe blah of GS praised x" rather than "The GS review praised x". --PresN 19:53, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Right, I guess I'm wrong about what exactly it means. I went by "expressing or containing praise" definition, which I then read as all reviewers are praisers, instead of their reviews for this particular game having praise. I guess I'm nitpicking because it's an adjective on reviewers themselves as opposed to just "Reviewers lauded...". P.S. Merriam Webster uses "The play received mostly laudatory reviews." —  HELLKNOWZ  ▎TALK 20:25, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I might be a little biased, but I liked my wording better. ;) Plus, now it says, "Reviewers were especially pleased with the emotional experience of playing the game, especially with other players." —Torchiest talkedits 21:06, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"particularly" now. I liked it too, I'm just now worried about using words like "effusive" and "laudatory" when I'm already straight-facedly using quotes like "occasionally startling power"- I do have a tendency to make my reception sections love notes to the game with my word choice and sentence structure if I'm not careful. --PresN 22:01, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

—  HELLKNOWZ  ▎TALK 10:12, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Torchiest

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My first set of comments are about prose issues.

  • In the gameplay section: "While all of the figures generally look the same, individual players can be told apart by the unique symbols displayed on their robes and shown when they sing."
    This wording is confusing, because it could be read as "individual players can be told apart by the unique symbols displayed on their robes" and "individual players can be shown when they sing". It's also a bit confusing as to what the difference between the symbols being displayed on the robes versus being shown when the player sings is, exactly. Do the symbols float in the air when the player sings? It feels like a detail clarifying this part is missing.
  • In the development section's raw text: "Thatgamecompany, however, always expected needing an extension, as they believed that finishing the game within a year was "unrealistic"."
    Is that referenced somewhere, and would it possible to say which employee of the company said it?
  • Same section: "A PlayStation Home game space based on Journey was released on March 14, 2012 and is similar in appearance to the game."
    I didn't know what a game space was, so I clicked the link. The list article didn't really help me out, so I clicked through to the Home article and found the game space section there, which made it clear. Can you figure out a way to either briefly explain the concept or improve the linkage? I thought about changing the game space link to point to the subsection of the Home article, but that seemed redundant, since it's linked immediately in front of the list link. Also, game space is capitalized in the other articles; which is correct?
  • In the music section: "the music would dynamically tie in to the actions and sound effects of the player".
    This is a bit confusing. What does "sound effects" refer to, exactly?

I copy edited the article, but generally, the prose was already very good. I'll do a source spot check later. —Torchiest talkedits 18:28, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'm starting to spotcheck sources.

  • I've gone through the entire gameplay section, and everything there looks okay, except for the part about the larger creatures ripping the scarf. I can't find that in any of the five sources used in the section, although I admit I'm just using search for individual words like "scarf" and "creature" to skim them all. —Torchiest talkedits 13:54, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I couldn't actually find a (reliable) source that explicitly stated that the creatures ripped the scarf; the closest I got was the source for that sentence, "scarf... which can be cut short as well as grown", and I felt noting that it was the creatures that were the proximate cause was not stepping out into original research- the source for those few words, in this case, is the game itself- there's no editorial opinion involved, as creature hits you, scarf goes away. --PresN 21:04, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the development section: "Development ended up taking even longer than anticipated, as the team had difficulties paring down their ideas for the game and maintaining efficient communication as the team expanded from seven to eighteen people." I'm not seeing the second half of this supported in the source. I see one source saying they started with seven people, the official site saying there were eighteen people (if you don't include the president) on team, and I see Hunicke talking about communication problems in larger teams, but to me, it looks like WP:SYNTH to put all those bits together. —Torchiest talkedits 14:13, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate comment -- Correct me if I'm wrong but looks to me like all support (pretty well all reviews in fact) come from gamers; that's great for expert opinion but I'll want to see comment from outside that fraternity to help ensure the article is accessible to the wider audience. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 01:37, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments – The good news is that I went through the text and found it fairly easy to comprehend. The bad news is that I found some lingering prose issues, which should be addressed before promotion occurs.

  • Don't see a reason to have two Thatgamecompany links in the lead.
  • Gameplay: Since jargon issues have been requested, perhaps you could link analog stick or point out that the stick is on the PlayStation 3 controller, as in "either with the PlayStation 3 controller's analog stick" or similar.
  • Redundancy here: "When two players finish a section together they remain together...". Hard to find different wording, but one of the "together"s should be changed so there aren't two in four words.
  • "The game takes about two or three hours to complete a playthrough." Not sure if "to complete a playthrough" is FA-level writing. Maybe "to complete from the start" would be better?
  • Story: "The player is then shown the game's credits, playing over the ending cinematics showing a shooting star emanating from the crevice and traversing the path the traveler took through the ruins and catching glimpses of other robed characters headed towards the mountain." This strikes me as a bit of a run-off. Try making the items from the cinematics part of a separate sentence.
  • "where the game started, and the player is given the option of starting the game again." Two uses of "start"/"starting"; changing one to "begin"/"beginning" would fix this redundancy.
  • Development: "and was replaced as producer by Robin Hunicke." Since we already say the prior producer didn't come back, the "as producer" is not needed here. It's clear enough from the context that Hunicke was taking that role.
  • "Thatgamecompany, however, always expected needing an extention." The "however" isn't needed, and seeing as it has been much-criticized at FAC lately, you should probably remove it.
  • "The stress of the project lead to the feeling...". "lead" → "led"?
  • Contraction needs removal: "couldn't".
  • Music: "with the game's sound designer Steve Johnson". Comma needed before the name. Or you could remove "the game's" before this, if you want to limit the number of commas.
  • I don't believe that collapsable tables in-text meet MoS recommendations, as they cannot be printed well by the readers. Not sure what can be done about this, but the table doesn't look big enough to cause problems if uncollapsed.
  • Not true, it turns out- screen readers have no problem with collapsible wikitables, and the MOS has said nothing about that since 2010. What it does say is that collapsed sections might have issues if javascript is disabled; however, collapsible wikitables are properly designed to not have this issue, and I've verified that if you turn off javascript the table simply converts to a regular table with no show/hide option. --PresN 22:20, 28 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reception: "The game at release became the fastest-selling game to date...". This would be a less clunky read as "After its release, it became the fastest-selling game to date...".
  • Repeated IGN and GameSpot links in this section should be removed.

Giants2008 (Talk) 01:41, 28 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Replied in-line, thanks for reviewing! --PresN 22:20, 28 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

CommentsSupport taking a look now. I think we're in the black as far as prose goes. I tightened up the lead a bit, but otherwise found no prose clangers as such. Queries below: Casliber (talk · contribs) 01:21, 29 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

You might wanna just check my tweaks - the lead I felt just needed a bit of reworking to tighten it and make it as engaging as possible. Casliber (talk · contribs) 01:37, 29 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 14:28, 30 January 2013 [3].

Elephant

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Nominator(s): LittleJerry (talk) 16:32, 16 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The FA animal list would not be complete without what is arguably the most famous one of them all. I’ve worked on this article for around two and a half months. It passed GA, was copyedited and has gone through a peer review. I now feel it is up to FA status or at least within striking distance. LittleJerry (talk) 16:32, 16 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment - section heading "Hybrids" doesn't tally with the content, which is about one hybrid in particular. It should instead mention other hybrids, if any and discuss hybrids in general. If not, at least the Motty content should be refocused on its contribution to this article - more about the viability of hybrids, for example, and possibly slimmed down, and should note that it's the only example and they don't occur in the wild (if they don't). Grandiose (me, talk, contribs) 12:13, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Decided to remove. LittleJerry (talk) 16:56, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Comment re variety of English All the English-speaking African countries in the elephant's range use BE, The Indian subcontinent has tens of millions of BE speakers. Why on earth is it appropriate to write in AE? Jimfbleak - talk to me? 15:01, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed as many words as I could find. Any more? LittleJerry (talk) 15:59, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'll check as I go through, comments to follow soon Jimfbleak - talk to me? 18:03, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
All fine. LittleJerry (talk) 20:11, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Lead South to Southeast Asia. — bit Easter eggish, more obvious what is meant if connected by "and" rather than "to", they are adjacent anyway
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:11, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • 4,700–6,048 kg (10,362–13,334 lb). — seems excessively precise with the upper limit, to within 1 kg/lb
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:11, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • which serve as tools for digging and moving — reads a bit oddly, perhaps which serve as tools for moving objects and digging?
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:11, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The social life of elephants can vary — I'm not sure what this means or what it adds to what follows.
Removed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:11, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • They are known to use infrasound and seismics for long-distance communication. — "are known" is redundant. "Seismic" link suggests they are using earthquakes, better I think to describe as using ground vibrations or something similar
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:11, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The lead is a bit choppy in places, can some short sentences be run together?
Fixed as many as I could find. LittleJerry (talk) 20:11, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Etymology Not a big deal, but an etymology for cyclotis would be good. It looks like Greek for "round ear", but you would need to find a source
Can't find really find one. I think this would fit more in the Forest elephant article. LittleJerry (talk) 20:11, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 22:26, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • DNA studies — link?
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 22:26, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • equally related amongst themselves — ??? ...to each other?
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 22:26, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • first described x3 — repetitive
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 22:26, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • ''recognises this as the proper authority while a 2002 and a 2005 study — while studies in 2002 and 2005
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 22:26, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
*Please check through article for overuse of "However"
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 22:26, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Evolution and extinct relatives more tweaks
  • elephantids overlink?
  • several evolutionary trends, such as an increase in size, which led to several giant — repetitive "several"
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 22:26, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Dwarf species more tweaks
  • '' two tons needs metric conversion
I don't know how to do this. LittleJerry (talk) 22:26, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Put tons into kg. LittleJerry (talk) 01:51, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Anatomy and morphology (to tusks) minor tweaks
  • "typically" repeated in first sentence
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 16:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • These paired muscles consist of two major types: superficial and internal, the former being divided into dorsals, ventrals and laterals, while the latter are divided into transverse and radiating muscles. — looks as if there should be some links in here
There's nothing to link to. LittleJerry (talk) 16:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Nevermind, fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 16:54, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • In Sri Lnka, many males seem to lack tusks, and I was told that this has evolved through the type of selection you mention. Anything on this? Note that I will be off line until Friday now
Can't find a source. LittleJerry (talk) 16:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'll have a look to see if I've got anything, if not I'll strike Jimfbleak - talk to me? 09:40, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • more tweaks, note that there is an previous edit by another editor, which I didn't check
Its all right. LittleJerry (talk) 15:35, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • thick as 0.98 in is overprecise, I know it's the converter, but 1 in would be better
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 15:34, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • ' pharyngea — link?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 15:34, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Social organisation section — starts to the two paragraphs too similar to each other?
  • towards the male, which encourages them
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 15:34, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • four-arm fighting forces— means?
Changed. LittleJerry (talk) 15:34, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • In 1824, the first African elephant, also a female, arrived in the US. The first born in the US ... United States had its first African elephant born at the ... Subsequently, the US received... — may be a bit US-centric, but I'm happy to leave to see if other editors share that view
  • In India, male elephants regularly come into villages at night — we went out at 5 am one morning in Sri Lanka so see an elephant wandering through the gardens. Definitely scary (no action required (:
  • Gothic — link
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 15:34, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Image check
  • Forced image sizes should be avoided because they override editor preferences
Fixed, expect for the tusk, skin and musth images since there already too big. LittleJerry (talk) 00:22, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Captions should not normally include the article title, so they should either give the species or omit "elephant", eg the circus poster shuld just be captioned "Circus poster"
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:22, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Parts of the article are congested with images, could any be lost without too much pain?
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:22, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Deceased" is a bit weaselly, "dead"
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 00:22, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Barcelona zoo image doesn't need "being observed"
Removed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:22, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • It's a pity that the two maps have completely different colour schemes, but I accept that isn't obligatory, nor do I expect you to spend time fixing it
  • I can't see any obvious problems with the licences
  • 'Sri Lankan elephant There seem to be adequate RS sources for the low percentage of males with tusks, I've listed a few on the elephant talk page
Added. LittleJerry (talk) 00:22, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support. Well-written and very comprehensive article. I feel smarter for having read it. Minor issue outlined below, should be easy to clear up. Neil916 (Talk) 22:57, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Primarily, there seems to be false precision issues with units of measure in the article, probably from several generations of being converted from imperial to metric, and back again. Some of the most notable examples include the anatomy and morphology section, such as weight ranges of male elephants of 4,700kg to 6,048kg, and females weighing 2,720kg on average, just as a couple of examples. There are numerous instances where the use of the {{convert}} template without rounding figures creates additional examples. I made a quick edit earlier where I started to attack this problem, but a much more thorough job needs to be done.Neil916 (Talk) 22:57, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The source actually does state such precise limits: "Adult females weigh from 2160 to 3232 kg and range from 2.20 to 2.60 m in shoulder height. Adult bulls weigh from 4700 to 6048 kg and measure from 3.20 to 4.01 m in height." I agree that the limits are implausibly precise. Is there another source available with this information? Axl ¤ [Talk] 23:51, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 01:05, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I did a quick run through again, and I was able to find only two remaining cases. 1: In the "tusks" subsection of Anatomy and morphology, "the largest recorded was 3.02 m (10 ft) long and weighed..." and 2: in the "Legs, locomotion and posture" subsection of Anatomy and morphology, "They have been recorded swimming for up to six hours [...] at a stretch and at speeds of up to 2.1 km/h (1 mph)." If you're confident that the largest recorded tusk was really exactly 2 cm longer than 3 m, I'd spell it out like that. To me, it seems more likely that the original measurement was 10 ft. and the 3.02m is an artifact of the conversion process, even if the original source was sloppy enough to print it as 3.02 m. Same with the 2.1km/h, but since it's an "up to" figure, I'm pretty confident that the original research didn't specify a maximum speed in units of tenths of a km/hr. I still support promotion even without these issues being fixed, but they seem like really simple common-sense fixes. Neil916 (Talk) 09:00, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. LittleJerry (talk) 15:23, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support - Seems near there. Some comments:
Ears:
  • To get rid of excess heat from the body, warm blood flows into the capillaries, which release the heat into the environment.
Larger ear surfaces contain more capillaries, and more heat can be released. - Instead of and, I think so that or allowing more heat to be released would be better
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:27, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
African bush elephants live in the hottest climates, and thus have the largest ear flaps.[53] - It's sort of unclear what you mean here. Do you mean that they live in the exclusively hottest climates? Or (as I suspect) that of all elephants they live in the hottest climates? A tweak is needed.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:27, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Trunk:
  • Why is olfaction not simply linked to the existing Wikipedia article?
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:27, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
General:
I'm trying to fix a few nbsp issues. It's not working. :/ Nice work. ceranthor 23:25, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Which ones? LittleJerry (talk) 01:07, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Nothing major! Looks fine to me. ceranthor 02:37, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments by Cwmhiraeth A nice, well-written article. A few points I noticed: Cwmhiraeth (talk) 07:40, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • There is overuse of the word species in the opening paragraph.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Elephants are intelligent, and have been compared to primates and cetacean in this regard." - "cetacean" should be plural.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the Dwarf Species section, there is overuse of "on islands".
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "With its trunk, an elephant can reach food at heights up to 7 m (23 ft) and deep into mud or sand for water." - this sentence is unsatisfactory.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It is caused by the degradation of the peripheral nerves and muscles; beginning at the tip." - I don't think this needs a semicolon.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The chewing teeth are replaced six times in an typical elephant's lifetime." - not "an" here
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Female Asians have very small tusks, or they are absent altogether, a condition that also occurs in males." - I think that the statement about males should be qualified by the word "some".
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After bathing, the elephant will usually use its trunk to blow dust on its body, which bakes creating a new protective coat." - I don't think "bakes" is the best word here, and I think there should be a comma after it anyway.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Elephants have difficulty releasing heat through the skin because of their low surface-area-to-volume ratio. The ratio of an elephant's mass to the surface area of its skin is many times that of a human." - perhaps combine these sentences so as not to need to repeat "ratio".
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The next sentence has two uses of the word "expose".
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I find the image "Walking" very distracting.
I think its the best image for the section. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • While they may doze off while standing, elephants usually sleep laying down." - I would use "lying down" here.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The majority of an elephant's intake goes undigested despite the process lasting up to a day" - Perhaps you should mention "food intake" here.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Both males and family groups have restricted daily movements, moving 10–20 km (6–12 mi)" - I think this could be better phrased.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... are led by the eldest female, or matriarch.[89] The matriarch remains leader of the group ..." - two matriarchs in close proximity.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 02:49, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the Social organisation section, the first paragraph appears to be about African elephants but does not say so explicitly.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • As he ages, a male begins to spend more time at the edge of his group and associates with outside males or even strange families" - two things about this sentence. "As he ages" implies getting old and I don't think this is what you mean and "strange" implies peculiar, again not your intention.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The word "group" is used too frequently in the third paragraph of this section.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Bulls achieve reproductive success through mate-guarding, which involves a male tending to an oestrous female and defending her from other males." - I question the use of the word "tending" here.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Musth appears to signal to females the condition of the male, as weak or injured males do not have normal musths.[101] Musth bulls thus have more reproductive success." - too many "musth"s in close proximity.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "or young females, the approach of an older bull can be intimidating, so her relatives stay nearby for support and reassurance." - maybe substitute "to provide" for "for".
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the third paragraph of the Lifecycle section (which incidentally my spell checker does not like), there is a mixing of singular and plural sentences.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Individuals greet one another by stroking or wrapping around each other's trunks." - I think this needs rephrasing.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Entwining trunks are also made during mild competition." - ditto.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The postcopulatory call, a loud call, is produced by an oestrous cow, mostly after mating." - Maybe "A loud postcopulatory call may be made by an oestrous cow after mating."
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Seismic waveforms produced by locomotion appear to travel at distances of up to 32 km (20 mi) ..." - leave out the "at".
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the Status section, I think the brief Asian elephant part should have a separate paragraph.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Hunting for ivory was blamed for the African elephant population decline" - it would be useful to have an indication of what period this is referring to.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Around the same time, Kenya had its ivory stocks burned" - this sounds like a passive not an active action.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 20:10, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. Pretty good article, but would greatly benefit from a line-by-line prose and MoS review. I've reviewed to the end of the subsection "Threats"; will have more comments later. Sasata (talk) 18:07, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Consider my comments below resolved. I had another read through, and made some additional corrections on my own, but have run out of things to nitpick. I'd support this on criteria 1a, d, e; 2.a, b, c; 4. I haven't systematically verified the references (checked a few in passing and they were fine), nor have I performed a check for comprehensiveness (the literature is just too vast and mammals aren't my speciality), but from a layperson's prespective, the article contains everything I'd be looking for. Sasata (talk) 17:12, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, I just had a quick readthrough, and either I missed a whole bunch of stuff in my first review, or there has been some sloppy editing in the interim, but there's errors scattered throughout, so I can no longer support on prose. I may try to copyedit but time is precious; please note I'm not opposing – it's not terribly bad, and should should be fixable by someone willing to walk through the text with a fine-tooth comb. Sasata (talk) 02:19, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "However, recent evidence suggests" terms like "recent" should be avoided as they can become outdated
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Elephants are scattered throughout sub-Saharan Africa, South and Southeast Asia." missing "and"?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • possibly useful links: dominance, empathy, poached, habitat destruction
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • link Latin, Greek (should that be Ancient Greek?), Medieval French
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "but from the time of Herodotus on," could be worded better
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Loxodonta, the genus name" -> generic name
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • link clade
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • classifed->classified
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • link molar, sister taxa, subspecies, type
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • italicize National Geographic magazine
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The African elephant was first classified by German naturalist Johann Friedrich Blumenbach in 1797 as Elephas africana." not classified, but named
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • link taxonomic
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and originated in Africa; spreading to every continent except for Australia and Antarctica." think a comma works better than a semicolon
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "including the Indian subcontinent, China, the southeast and Japan." southeast Asia?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "developed shorter mandibles which shifted the head's" comma before "which"
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "By contrast, small mammals such as rodents develop gigantism in these conditions." develop->developed?
I think it still happens today. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Elephas falconeri of Malta and Sicily was only 1 m (3 ft)." tall?
Yes. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • link field of vision
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "which allowing more heat to be released into the environment." fix
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Out of all the elephants" -> "Of all the elephants"
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The ear has some adaptations for seismic hearing; an enlarged middle ear[53] and a unique sphincter-like muscle around the ear canal which constricts the passageway and allows for more acute hearing of seismic signals." semicolon doesn't work, which->that
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the trunk moves by decisively coordinated muscle contractions." why "decisively"?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "an elephant can reach thing at heights" fix
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "reaching over 3 m (10 ft),[62] however the tusks of males tend to be thicker." however->but
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "with more hair than than" fix
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "blow dust on its body which drys up" which->that
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "low surface-area-to-volume ratio which is" comma before which
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 2011, scientists at the Royal Veterinary College discovered that elephants have a sesamoid, an extra "toe" similar in placement to a giant panda's extra "thumb"." I find it hard to believe that this feature remained unknown until 2011; any extra details about this?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the heart rate is faster when lying down, at a rate of 8 to 10 beats per minute faster." "at a rate of"->"about"
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "most of its air though the trunk" though->through
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • link temporal gland, snowline (our article has it as two words), browsing, grazing, ungulate, germination,
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the more likely she'll be an" avoid contractions in formal prose
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Musth appears to signal to females the condition of the male, as weak or injured males do not have normal ones." normal what?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Play behavior in calves-> behaviour
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 20:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Gestation in elephant typically lasts" fix
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Births tend to take place during the rains." I think "wet season" is more elegant than "the rains" (also, link on first occurrence)
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A longer pregnancy period is maintained" longer than what?
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "For the first few days, the mother is intolerant of the other herd members being near her young."
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Alloparenting—where a calf is cared for by someone other than its mother—is known to exist in some family groups." "is known to exist" -> "exists"
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "These allomothers are typically two to 12 years old and will help watch over the young calf." last half of sentence is redundant, it was said shortly before
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "mother for nutrition after which, it begins to forage" remove comma
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • caption: "Elephant touching each other's mouths which is a form of greeting." awkward
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Older elephants use trunk-slaps, kicks or shoving" shoving->shoves to keeps the verb form constant
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "When the herd is on the move" "on the move" is idiomatic
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "most well-known is the trumpet" no hyphen required
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • link unmodulated
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Contact calls are soft, unmodulated sounds made by individuals which have been separated from their group, which may be responded to with a "contact answer" call, which starts out loud, but becomes softer." 3 "whiles" makes for a poor sentence construction
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "distinctive, low-pulsated rumble" what is low? the frequency? volume?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • there's some duplication of material between the "Ears" and "Communications" subsections
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "several different infrasonic call" calls
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "increasing by an average annual rate of 4.0% per year." redundant (annual=per year)
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Annotations were given to Botswana …" what's an annotation?
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • link sport hunting
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "ban on ivory which went" which->that
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • caption: "Current distribution of elephants" avoid using "current"; maybe just give the year
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:04, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I noticed the article frequently (and conspicuously) uses the noun + "ing" construction with "being", which I don't think is optimal prose (i.e. criterion 1a: "of a professional standard"). Please have a look at [4] for a general discussion on the construct, and see if you can reword the instances in the article.
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:03, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Elephants have been working animals at least since the" ->since at least
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "but since 1950, tranquillisers are used as an alternative as they"-> have been used as they
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Elephants perform tasks, including …" "Elephants perform tasks such as…"
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "While the training of elephants into working animals is usually done with Asian elephants, this practice has been used in Africa as well." -> "Asian elephants are more commonly trained to be working animals, although the practice has also been used in Africa."
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Since then, elephants have been used in agriculture, forestry and tourism." They weren't used in agriculture or forestry before then? Does this sentence refer to only African elephant usage?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In northern Thailand, elephants are involved in the production of Black Ivory coffee." "Involved in" is a pretty bland summary of what they actually do … a few more words about their special role would certainly be of interest.
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Around 1,200 Asian and 700 African elephants are kept in zoos and circuses." as of when?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Most African elephants in zoological gardens are the bush elephants."
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • can we pipe "bloody arena battles" to gladiator (or similar)?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Elephants and other animals have been recorded displaying stereotypical behaviours.[139] In the case of elephants," maybe delete the mention to other animals and keep the focus on the article subject here
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "humans which have been" which->that
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "damaged homes in villages after cullings were done in the 1970s and 1980s."
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "regularly come into villages" come into->enter
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Purportedly drunk elephants raided Indian village again" fix
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • link Tunisia, ancient Roman, mosaic
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Elephants have been the subject of religious beliefs. The Mbuti people believe that the souls of their dead ancestors resided in elephants.[151] Similar beliefs existed among other African tribes, who believed" too many "beliefs/believe"
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "One of the most important Hindu deities, the elephant-headed Ganesha, is considered to be on par with the supreme gods of the Hindu triumvirate." "considered to be on par" sounds awkward; is there a link to Hindu triumvirate?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • remove the fullstops from the non-full sentence captions in this section
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • see if you can trim the See also list by incorporating links into the article
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 18:17, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • please reduce the number of "suggests" (currently 4 in short succession) at the end of the 1st paragraph of "Taxonomy"
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 03:06, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • should audit the article for unnecessary instances of "also", a commonly overused word; here's a few that can be safely removed without affecting meaning (there's more, these are just samples):
  • "A dwarf form of Stegodon is also known to have existed in Java." (Neither a dwarf form of Stegodon nor Java are mentioned immediately before, so "also" isn't needed)
  • "This can occur naturally when the pinnae are still, but the animal can also force this effect by flapping them." (take "also" out, means the same)
  • "They also serve as weapons when fighting"
  • "Forest elephants mainly live in equatorial forests, but will also enter gallery forests and ecotones …"
  • "They can also enlarge waterholes when they bathe… "
  • "Elephants can also have a negative impact on ecosystems."
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 03:06, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "DNA studies done in 2001 and 2007 also suggested" they weren't "done" in those years, they were published
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 03:06, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • double periods in #1, 2, 132
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • short-form format different in refs #3, #8, #13, #62, #125 than others (missing comma)
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Debruyne et al. (2003) available as PDF here; include doi; the "b" of cytochrome b needs to be italicized (also in ref #10)
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • please ensure journal article titles are consistently sentence case (e.g. #10) or title case (#11) – check throughout
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • retrieval dates not required for print sources, or PDF (e.g. ref #16)
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref #19 (Shoshani 2005) - complete book title not given
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref #27 (Ishida et al. 2011) need period in "S.-O."
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • J. Shoshani linked twice in refs, once is enough, and I think the link would be better in the bibliography section where it is more prominent
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • please update the IUCN reference, it's now at version 2012.2 (1st confirm that it stills supports whatever it cites)
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • missing semicolon separator in #34 (Shoshani et al. 2006)
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • missing spaces in author initials, refs #43, #112, #114
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • clicking the linked article title in ref #44 (Tikhonov et al. 2003) leads to a museum homepage–not useful
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref #46: give the author (Chalearmchat Somgrid), and more info in the publisher field (Department of Companion Animal and Wildlife Clinics

Faculty of Veterinary Medicine, Chiang Mai University) to help readers assess source reliability; same with #48

Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • add author & date to #70 (ScienceMag.org)
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • refs #71, 113, 116 missing issue#
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref #83 (Campos-Arceiz et al. 2012) needs full page range
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • fix punctuation in #89
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref #111 p.->pp.
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref #123 (IUCN): source says it's version 2012.2, not 2010.4
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref #134 author listed as "Wylie (Shoshani)"; perhaps Wylie (2000) is a better disambiguator?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref #136 missing period
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref #143 pp. -> p.
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 05:48, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments reads nicely but I have a few comments:

  • can you add something about the etymology of the name in non-european languages like indian or chinese?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 01:06, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
How about Indian (or other languages where elephants actually live)? Nergaal (talk) 20:04, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Sanskrit is an Indian language. LittleJerry (talk) 19:07, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I was actually thinking of Hindi. Nergaal (talk) 18:59, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Added. LittleJerry (talk) 01:46, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • it would be nice to have a svg comparing the subspecies (to an average human)
Don't have it. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
File:Elephantidae-scale.svg. Nergaal (talk) 06:30, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I prefer the images as they are now. LittleJerry (talk) 16:57, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Loxodonta and Elephas are not clearly introduced/described before their first usage in the text
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • type is redlined
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "t there by the Sultan of Sulu from Java" around when?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • the long gestation period needs some kind of explanation since is among the longest of all mammals (I am pretty sure it has to do with the complexity of the trunk)
Added. LittleJerry (talk) 00:40, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Right now the article says "it is related to this" without actually explaining anything as to why exactly that is. Nergaal (talk) 09:10, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The article clearly states that the long pregnancy gives the fetus more time to develop. So I don't understand what you're talking about. LittleJerry (talk) 21:31, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • internal location of sexual organs is an indication of the aquatic origin of the ancestors (which also needs to be pointed out in the evolution section)
It is. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I am missing where is this discussed in the text. Nergaal (talk) 20:04, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
At the beginning of the "Evolution and extinct relatives" subsection, it mentions that early proboscideans were aquatic.
What I was trying to say is that of the common mammals, elephants are one of the few with internal sexual organs, which is in turn because of their origin in aquatic mammals. I would like the article to explicitly state that the internal location of the sexual organs is a direct result of this ancestry. Nergaal (talk) 18:59, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Added. LittleJerry (talk) 01:46, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • longevity: elephants are among the longest living mammals; I think it should also be mentioned in the intro
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 19:57, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
but it is not actualy stated in the body of the article. 09:10, 30 December 2012 (UTC)
Done. My sources don;t state explicitly that they have the longest lifespans. LittleJerry (talk) 17:58, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Perhaps mention Lin Wang? Nergaal (talk) 20:04, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 00:17, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • do the rest of the teeth have a different composition from ivory?
Yes. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I think the article does not make that clear Nergaal (talk) 06:21, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I disagree. Since were're specifying what the tusks are made up and not the others, that shows that they are different. LittleJerry (talk) 20:02, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Nope, it is not clearly implied. the article should not make the reader guess what it is trying to say. Nergaal (talk) 09:10, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Nevermind, they are nearly the same but the tusks are unique in their cross section.
  • "to natural selection for shorter tusks" isn't it artificial selection?
Its called natural selection by the source. The people aren't purposefully trying to make the tusks smaller and are not involved in the actual breeding. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • " low surface-area-to-volume ratio, which is many times that of a human." you mean many times smaller?
Yes. LittleJerry (talk) 00:19, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • a sentence on the mamooth's skin/har would be appropiate
This article is on modern elephants. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "This may be due to their low predation pressures in comparison with other herbivores" not sure what this sentence is saying
They are not preyed on as much. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
And how does this result in a high load of parasites? Nergaal (talk) 06:21, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 19:57, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, so why do elephants have relatively high load of parasites (also, by load it means types or numbers per individual?) Nergaal (talk) 09:10, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 21:31, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • " the largest of which numbered up to 144 individuals" needs citation
[92] is the citation. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Repeat the citation also right after the 144 number since as of now comes a few sentences later. Nergaal (talk) 06:21, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 19:57, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Homosexual behaviour is common and frequent in both sexes." can this be expanded?
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 01:38, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • flyswatters needs wikilinking
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • is elephant meat consumed by humans?
I don't have any information on that. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
first google hit: [5]. Nergaal (talk) 09:10, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The article already states that elephants are hunted for their meat and the link you posted is just fluff. LittleJerry (talk) 21:31, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • isn't the elephant dung coffee the most expensive in the world?
Why is this relevent? LittleJerry (talk) 16:57, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Can you add Black Ivory coffee in the see also then? Nergaal (talk) 20:04, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Its already in the article. LittleJerry (talk) 00:17, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "an enemy soldier and toss him to their rider" is confusing
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The animals were important in battle; however, they were not used as much as horse-drawn chariots by either the Pandavas or Kauravas. " there is something wrong with this sentence
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Elephants were historically kept for display in t" this paragraph has too many details especially about North America. Trim some of the fluff down since it is not that relevant to this article
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • the Circus poster image needs a "ca. 1900" addition
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • the "Cultural depictions" needs a brief discussion of depiction of mammoths in prehistory
Again, this article is on modern elephants. LittleJerry (talk) 00:09, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Nergaal (talk) 23:15, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

But that map clearly shows the dramatic reduction in their habitat in one century, which makes it perfect for the conservation status. Nergaal (talk) 20:06, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
It's still in German and the current maps are sourced to the IUCN and seem more accurate with the current range. LittleJerry (talk) 00:22, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Can you update the ref for the African one to: http://maps.iucnredlist.org/map.html?id=12392
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 03:39, 14 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I prefer the images the way they are now. In particular, the maps are of better quality and focus more on each range. LittleJerry (talk) 16:57, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, I disagree completely when it comes to: File:Elefants comparative anatomy.png.Until I saw the image I did not actually clearly understand the differences between the two from just reading the text. Nergaal (talk) 09:10, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Added. LittleJerry (talk) 21:43, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Review by SandyGeorgia

[edit]
  • Oppose on 1a, prose. I selected a random section well into the article, where I found:

    Elephants have been working animals at least since the Indus Valley Civilization and continue to be used in modern times, with 13,000–16,500 working elephants employed in Asia.

    Missing "as of" date on the number of elephants in Asia.

    These animals are typically captured from the wild when they are 10–20 years old, which is when they can be trained quickly and easily, and have a longer working life.

    They are typically captured from the wild when they are 10–20 years old, which is when they can be trained quickly and easily, and (will) have a longer working life.

    They were traditionally captured with traps and lassos, but since 1950, tranquillisers are used instead, being potentially less harsh.

    Switch in tense, "have been used", instead is implied, redundant, "being" ... ???

    People who work with elephants are known as mahouts.

    Why do we need that definition? It's never used again in the article, and is off-topic here.

    Elephants perform various tasks, including hauling loads into remote areas, moving logs out of forests and into onto trucks, transporting tourists around national parks, pulling goods on wagons and leading religious processions.

    That is one random paragraph; if that is indicative of the rest of the prose, an independent copyedit is needed for redundancies at least, and unnecessary word padding and awkward phrasing.

    There are 17 instances of the word "however"; however is overused and almost always unnecessary. [6] and [7]

    "At Aberdare National Park, Kenya, a rhino attacked an elephant calf and was subsequently killed by the other elephants in the group." It certainly couldn't have been killed before the attack by the other elephants; misuse of "subsequently".

    What does this sentence mean and why is it in the article? More unnecessary padding (summary style from main article): "Experts on elephant warfare were said to be from indigenous tribes." So what? Why is this article padded up with that text.

    At almost 11,000 words, the sample above indicates the prose can be tightened, and the article can probably be shortened. Please do not fix only the samples I've given and then expect me to analyze another section: a thorough review is needed. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 02:04, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I fixed all the problems you listed. Sasata is in the middle of a prose/MoS review. Much of the text you looked at, he hasn't got to yet. LittleJerry (talk) 03:27, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I see no contribs from Sasata in the article history, so I'm unclear what you are referring to. And, if Sasata is cleaning up the article, and prose deficiencies are obvious, why are there five supports here? I hope Sasata is able to trim the repetitive and off-topic text and tighten up the article. Please ping me when he is done, and I will recheck another section (fixing the examples I mentioned above is not sufficient to remove my Oppose-- the whole article needs to be copyedited). SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:26, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Hi Sandy, I started a prose/MoS check up above. There's still lots to work through. As to why there's five supports ... not sure. Sasata (talk) 19:25, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
They support it by looking at other aspects of it. LittleJerry (talk) 05:53, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Best I can tell, none of the five supports are qualified as to which aspects were examined-- they are all full supports, even though significant work is still being done on the article, and deficiencies are still apparent. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 06:33, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Revisit:

  • Many images are facing off the text ... can they be juggled so that the elephants or their trunks are always facing the text? I believe the intent of the MOS guideline applies to animals as well as people.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 01:17, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • To see if prose has improved, I sampled one random section, "Threats". I'm concerned about flow and how the text is bouncing around from topic to topic, with no logical sense I can discern to the paragraphs. We have some basics of the ivory trade, discussion of a ban, para break followed by more discussion of the economic effects of the ban, but that same para then goes in to several killing incidents, then back to poaching for meat and hides (all in same para); then the third paragraph covers other threats, which seems to be where the poaching for meat and hides belongs, and all three paras contain some basic trade info. Why not a para covering basics, a para covering the ban and its economic effects, a para covering the killing incidents, and a para covering all other threats? There's no logical flow I can discern, which gives the reading a flavor of having been built by multiple editors from multiple sources, and making it hard for the reader unfamiliar with the text to follow ... in other words, it doesn't flow easily. There are also some prose infelicities ... the reference to unemployment confuses the later reference to "local healthy populations" (elephants or people), the sentence about forest elephant ivory being more valuable than bush elephant ivory is inserted in a way/place that makes no sense, and why is it more valuable, anyway? I don't feel this is yet FA quality prose. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:54, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed the problems. It should now flow better. I also fixed potential flow problems in other subsections. In case you find any more problem I've added list it for copyediting. LittleJerry (talk) 00:49, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
It appears that the copy-editor's guild isn't responding, so I did more re-arranging based on your apparent standards for flow. LittleJerry (talk) 02:47, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Second re-visit Why is there a commons link mid-article? Those belong in external links. I still find issues everywhere I look.

Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:24, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  1. four- to six-week follicular phase and an eight- to 10-week luteal phase
    Why the switch from spelled-out numbers to a digit for 10?
    Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:24, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  2. "advertise her sexual condition"? I think we can do better than that in mating.
    changed to ..."to signal her readiness to mate" ...Casliber (talk · contribs) 23:29, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  3. A bull will follow a potential mate and assess her condition with the flehmen response, as in many mammal species.
    As in many mammal species doesn't work, and why must the reader click on a link to understand what this sentence is talking about (flehmen response).
    Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:24, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Skipping further down to another section, more of same:

  1. These allomothers are typically two to 12 years old. ...
    Two to 12?
    Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:24, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  2. Gestation in elephants typically lasts 18–23 months ...
    A five-month variation? Depending perhaps on species or something? Confusing.
    Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:24, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  3. Alloparenting—where a calf is cared for by someone other than its mother—takes place in some family groups. A mother may have a younger female helper known as an allomother. These allomothers are typically two to 12 years old.
    Here we have alloparenting defined twice in two sentences ... all could be merged, smoothed out to one sentence.
    Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 00:24, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Random samples only. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:52, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Struck my oppose, as I see John and Cas have both done some copyediting (although it appears John may not be done). I'm sorry I don't have time for a more thorough follow-up! IMO, with tighter wording, more redundancy reducing, and better use of summary style, articles like this can and should be under 9,000 words. Good luck, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 08:16, 29 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Image check

[edit]

Image check - all OK (problem image removed) - 1 issue. Checking for copyright, as the earlier check seemed focussed on the MOS aspects: most all images are OK (own work, Flickr with CC-license, some old images, CC PLOS). Sources and authors provided. There is one problem though:

  • File:Ele-brain.png lacks clear authorship and/or source information. It may be a -great- own work, or it is scanned and collected from some old books (where the copyright situation and source should be clarified). As the original uploader is connected with a possible sock account (AristoDoga, not Zoofari to be clear), clarification is probably impossible ==> suggest removal and request for deletion. GermanJoe (talk) 09:29, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Removed image. LittleJerry (talk) 17:31, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
OK thanks, have updated status accordingly - and requested deletion for both image versions at WP:FFD. GermanJoe (talk) 19:37, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Dubious images deleted. GermanJoe (talk) 07:46, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by 99of9

[edit]
  • The lead paragraph has two sentences about ears, but they're not together, separated by one about tusks.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 02:18, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • This sentence is too lengthy for its information content: "Elephants are used as working animals in both Asia and Africa and are employed for a numbers of tasks."
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 02:18, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Elephas would diversifydiversified into new species in Asia"?
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 02:18, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "During the Late Pleistocene, the majority of proboscidean species went extinct." Obvious question: Why? And why did modern elephants survive?
Added. LittleJerry (talk) 02:18, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "experienced several evolutionary trends, such as an increase in size..." Again what drove this? This seems important since size is a key characteristic of elephants.
Will get to. LittleJerry (talk) 02:18, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Added. LittleJerry (talk) 00:24, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
--99of9 (talk) 00:33, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
They are the only surviving proboscideans, although several extinct species have been identified... - err, if we're counting all extinct members of the Proboscidea...that's alot more than "several". Not sure if we can get a number, or even "many" would be better.....
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 17:13, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
including the elephants' close relatives, the mammoths... - also a problem as mammoths are close relatives of Indian but not so much African...., maybe just loset the "close relative" descriptor here....
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 17:13, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
African elephants have larger ears and concave backs while Asian elephants have smaller ears and a convex back. - last bit is singular after all plural....needs to be aligned.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 17:13, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Dispute exists as to whether the extinct Mammuthus was more closely related to Loxodonta or Elephas... - "dispute" to me implies acrimony. I don't recall any in this debate -I think I'd use "There is debate over the relationship of the extinct Mammuthus to Loxodonta and Elephas..." or somesuch.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 17:13, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Successful conservation efforts in certain areas have led to large elephant population densities. - say either "large numbers" or "high population densities"
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 03:51, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
As of 2008, numbers (and local densities) are controlled by contraception or translocation. - maybe just "local numbers"
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 03:51, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
although this may be a "crude guess" - rephrase without quote - maybe "estimate may vary wildly" "loose estimate"..or something.
Done. LittleJerry (talk) 03:51, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
For the first few days, the newborn stumbles and falls, - why not "is unsteady on its feet"?
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 02:04, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Cautious support on comprehensiveness and prose - I've been through it all once and read bits over-I don't see any deal-breaker prose clangers outstanding....looking okay. Some folks still might find some issues and I might have another read-through....Casliber (talk · contribs) 07:45, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Cryptic C62 · Talk 00:18, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Hunting for ivory was blamed for the African elephant population decline in the late 20th century." [8] This phrasing suggests that the ivory trade was the only cause for population decline, but this source mentions several times that elephant meat was a significant factor in poaching.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 01:34, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Elephants were considered formidable instruments of war." When? This whole paragraph is written in the past tense without ever giving a time frame.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 01:34, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...and later Indian kingdoms used war elephants extensively" It's not clear to me if the entire paragraph is about India, or just this snippet. I'm particularly confused by "The Arthashastra advised the king", as it leaves me wondering "Which king?"
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 01:34, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Which government? --Cryptic C62 · Talk 19:34, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Added. LittleJerry (talk) 00:16, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The Achaemenid Empire (between the 6th and 4nd centuries BCE) also used war elephants and Alexander the Great was able to train his foot soldiers to injure the animals and cause them to panic during wars with both the Persians and Indians." There are too many details being crammed into one sentence without using any commas which makes it hard to follow.
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 01:34, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Since then, war elephants were employed throughout the Mediterranean and North Africa." And when did this practice end? Or is it still happening today (which seems a bit unlikely)?
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 01:34, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "As of 2003, around 1,200 Asian and 700 African elephants are kept in zoos and circuses." The next reference after this claim is Ref 139, Tuttle, which is presumably the same Tuttle who contributed to Shoshani 2000. So how would a book published in 2000 have a claim that is accurate as of 2003?
Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 01:34, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Source Spot Check

  • Ref 1 - substantiated
  • Ref 10 - substantiated, but not sure this is a reference of quality
  • Ref 16 - substantiated
  • Ref 31 - substantiated
  • Ref 45 - substantiated
  • Ref 62 - substantiated
  • Ref 73 - substantiated
  • Ref 79 - substantiated
  • Ref 95 - substantiated
  • Ref 118 - substantiated
The content here looks impeccably sourced and cited. Nice work! As long as prose issues identified above have been addressed, I offer my support. - Lemurbaby (talk) 22:01, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks and I removed the Elephant.se website as a reference. LittleJerry (talk) 23:10, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Review by John

[edit]

It looks mainly ok at second glance but this is mainly a place holder to let you know I am working on it and my review is pending.--John (talk) 01:48, 26 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Tks John -- at your earliest if you could pls so we can try and button it up soonest... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 16:14, 26 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Tentative support per my recent edits here; these were mainly standardising on British/commonwealth spellings, minor tweaks, and strengthening the case for elephants' tusks getting smaller, as "may" definitely didn't do this justice. It's looking good, and my support is only tentative because I worry that I was able to find so many spelling errors and infelicitous wordings this far into the FAC process. I'd still like to see a good copy-editor look it over if possible. --John (talk) 18:23, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate comments -- Given the time this review has been open and the resulting level of commentary, the fact that there are no longer any objections, and my own scan revealing no obvious concerns (it's rare that I don't feel the need to at least tweak the lead in a FAC nom) I think it's time to promote. It's been a -- dare I say it - mammoth effort on behalf of the nominator and the reviewers, and I thank you all. I note John's and Cas' "tentative" and "cautious" support, respectively, but the consensus to promote seems clear, and if anyone is still keen to spend a little more time refining prose, then I believe that can safely occur away from this forum. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 13:14, 30 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 01:13, 29 January 2013 [9].

Fortress of Mimoyecques

[edit]
Nominator(s): Prioryman (talk) 09:06, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

This is the third of three related articles (the other two are Blockhaus d'Éperlecques and La Coupole) that I will be nominating for featured status. The other articles achieved featured status in September and December 2012 respectively (see Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/La Coupole/archive1 and Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Blockhaus d'Éperlecques/archive1). This coming March is the 70th anniversary of the start of construction of the three sites described in these articles and I envisage running a triple Today's Featured Article covering all three articles (see User:Prioryman/Heavy Crossbow FA blurb). In advance of that, I'm nominating this article, which is already a Good Article, for consideration as a Featured Article. Prioryman (talk) 09:06, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support
Oppose
Comments only

Source review - spotchecks not done

  • FN13: page?
  • FN24: page?
  • Foreign-language sources should be identified as such
  • Compare FNs 5 and 27, check for others
  • FN32 is tagged as dead, as is 35
  • Why does FN36 have superscript pages in article body while other sources have pages in footnotes?
  • I've no idea where those came from - I didn't add them. Resolved, anyway.
  • Don't mix different types of citation templates
  • I'm going to need a hand with this, I'm afraid - can you point out an example?
  • Sometimes you use {{citation}} and sometimes something in the "cite" family ({{tl|cite book}, {{cite journal}}, etc) - pick one or the other and stick with it. Using both causes inconsistencies because they automatically present different formatting - compare FNs 33 and 39 for example. (Actually, while I'm here: beyond the template issue, comparing these two also gives an example of inconsistency in date format, which is still a problem here). Nikkimaria (talk) 01:12, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Use a consistent date format
  • Be consistent in whether or not books include locations

Image check - all OK incl. revised gallery (UK government pre-1963, own work). Sources and authors provided. Only some minor comments and suggestions.

  • "Over 4,100 tons of bombs were dropped on the site, more than on any other V-weapons site.[19]" - this caption text would be better placed in the main text. It seems to be vital information and an image should assist in understanding the article, not add new facts on its own.
  • I am no fan of the second gallery: The header "... now and then" sounds a bit unencyclopedic. The first 2 images show only minor differences - do those minor changes really need illustration? The last image seems kind of unrelated to the first two. Suggestion: put the first one in one of the upper sections and work the other 2 as regular images into the museum section.
  • I've reworked the gallery so that it shows "The Mimoyecques site today" and replaced the first image with a different one. I don't really like the idea of working the images into the text in the way you suggest. Prioryman (talk) 21:17, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments This is a really good article, and you've given me some sites to see whenever I visit northern France through this series of articles! I have the following comments, and have also very lightly copy edited the article (feel free to revert any or all of these changes as they're pretty minor)

  • "by 617 Squadron RAF" - the names of RAF squadrons almost always include the 'No.' before the number
Done. Prioryman (talk) 21:17, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "were limited by the short life of the barrels caused by high-pressure detonations" - this is a bit unclear. I had a go at trying to improve this sentence but failed - it might be better to split this into two sentences (eg, one on these guns and one on why they were of only limited effectiveness)
  • "chosen to house the gun. It had been chosen with care" - I'd suggest replacing one of these 'chosen's with 'selected' or similar
  • Notes 2 and 3 need references, and could be combined into a single note. You should probably explain the role and range of this gun.
  • "The western site was abandoned at an early stage after being disrupted by Allied bombing and only the eastern complex was built." - this sentence appears out of the blue - could it be moved down? It also seems to contradict the final sentence of the 'Design and construction' which states that the bombing had relatively few effects.
  • It's not a contradiction - I've explained this below. I also don't think it's out of place where it is. Because construction of the western site never got very far – just a bit of tunnelling, I think – it needs to be disposed of early in the article, which otherwise focuses entirely on the eastern site. The description, diagram, bombing etc refers almost entirely to that site. Prioryman (talk) 22:21, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "when the Germans were observed building railway loops leading to the tunnels into the eastern and western sites" - you should note that this observation was made by analysts studying the results of photo reconnaissance flights (or just say that the photo recon planes observed this, which is basically right and how stuff like this is often written)
  • "The Allied air forces carried out several bombing raids on Mimoyecques between November 1943 – June 1944 but caused little damage." - as above (if a large chunk of the site was abandoned, this seems to be significant damage)
  • It wasn't the sites themselves that were damaged - it was the construction work that was disrupted. The Germans couldn't progress it when they were experiencing dozens of air-raid alerts a day. This was the same issue that did for the Blockhaus d'Éperlecques. It wasn't until the Tallboys were brought in after June 1944 that the actual infrastructure of the sites was damaged. Prioryman (talk) 22:21, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Can you add that to the article then? If the Allies managed to delay this project through the bombing, that was an at least partially positive result for them (this seems a microcosm of the analysis which has found that while the bombing which took place from 1943 to late 1944 didn't cause the collapse of the German war economy its proponents had hoped to achieve, it nevertheless significantly suppressed German industrial production and may have been worthwhile on that grounds). Nick-D (talk) 07:04, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The British action was taken without informing the French beforehand and infuriated the French leader, Charles de Gaulle, who considered it a violation of French national sovereignty." - I think that you could trim at least one of the uses of 'French' here, and possibly two of them as de Gaulle is well known.
  • The 12 August 1944 entry in the list of air attacks needs a reference, especially as it introduces an extra detail not previously noted (eg, that the aircraft exploded over Britain)
It's already cited in the article, so I've added another iteration of that same citation. Prioryman (talk) 22:21, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is the link to the 19 March 1945 paper by Sandys the location where you sourced this from? It appears to be a database record without any files (that I could see!). Nick-D (talk) 10:35, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Comments - will hold off on any decisions at this point. Support - all my concerns have been addressed. Very good article. GregJackP Boomer! 01:56, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Numerous images do not have "alt" text.
  • FN style in both "Notes" and "References" is not consistent, some end in periods, some don't.
  • All the FNs in "Notes" are now consistently without periods. Some of the references don't end in periods, but this seems to be due to the citation templates - I'm not sure I can do anything about that. Prioryman (talk) 09:58, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The way I handled it when I ran into that problem on bringing Ex parte Crow Dog to FA was to add periods to all refs and footnotes. When the template did not produce a period, I would add one right after the template, like this: <ref>{{citewhatever}}.</ref> -- note the period between the end of the template but before the ref close tag. Hope this helps. GregJackP Boomer! 17:47, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Notes do not have any cited sources.
  • There were a couple of notes that were uncited that I felt were unnecessary - I've removed them. The remainder are either just trivial translations (note 1) or coordinates, which as far as I know don't need to be sourced. Prioryman (talk) 21:53, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Consistency in spelling, "organisation" in lead, "organization" in Reopening as a Museum.
  • Lead seems a little short, based on the length of the article, but I'm willing to discuss this.
Overall good work. GregJackP Boomer! 04:43, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. Please check the edit summaries. - Dank (push to talk)

  • I'll add them this time, but please put commas between independent clauses. (See my edits.) - Dank (push to talk) 20:21, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "299° ± 30 minutes": " 299°, to the nearest degree" might be snappier and more readable, though perhaps if you really want to emphasise that it's 30 minutes and not 29, your way could be better.

Comments –

  • Subsequent investigations and demolition: A previous section mentioned that Sandys headed the Crossbow Committee, and it probably doesn't need to be repeated here. Neither does Sandys' first name.
  • "The British action was taken without informing the French beforehand and infuriated the French leader, Charles de Gaulle, who considered it a violation of French national sovereignty." Three uses of French in one sentence is a bit much. At a minimum, the last one should be taken out.
  • Reopening as a museum: I saw one sentence with multiple uses of "As well as"; one should be changed to prevent a prose redundancy.
  • "the museum welcomed 6,004 visitors, of which 55% were...". "of which" → "of whom"?
  • Air raids on the Mimoyecques site: 22 June 1944 entry has a spaced em dash, which goes against the MoS. Either make it unspaced or a smaller en dash.
  • If reference 5 is in French, that should be indicated in the citation as is done with other French-language refs used here.
  • Same for refs 27 and 33, and the last general reference in the bibliography.
  • Sorry to keep holding up a declaration of support, but I just noticed that the publisher for ref 33 isn't italicized when it should be, given that this is a print publication. I swear this is it from me. Giants2008 (Talk) 03:03, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Most important issue of the lot here: ref 35 is a dead link and has been tagged as such since September. I don't feel comfortable seeing the article promoted while it has a valid tag, and am not entirely sure why three editors have supported with it present. Perhaps the Internet Archive has a copy of the page, or maybe the conservatory has a more up-to-date page on its website; if this is a link to a print publication, as it appears to be at first glance, you could remove the link and tag while keeping the cite, since there is a page number present. Whatever you decide to do, this needs to be addressed before the article is promoted. Giants2008 (Talk) 02:41, 14 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate note -- Before we wrap up, just check that I've not introduced any probs with my tidying up in the air raids table. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 11:47, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Ian, I took a look and it seems fine to me. Prioryman (talk) 20:00, 28 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 01:13, 29 January 2013 [10].

2005 Qeshm earthquake

[edit]
Nominator(s): ceranthor 22:43, 26 December 2012 (UTC), Mikenorton[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because it meets the criteria, of course! It's been more than a year since the article failed FAC because of my own lack of initiative in touching up the prose. I've ran over it after getting a great deal of what Tony1 calls "strategic distance", and tuned up the prose and references, and my only worries are that 1.) the geology section may still be a bit tough to understand for laymen and 2.) that it lacks images. But otherwise, I think it's a neat little article that's comprehensive and well-written. ceranthor 22:43, 26 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done

Apparently I'm not as meticulous as I thought! All fixed. ceranthor 18:40, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]


Support Ben MacDui 11:44, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Earlier Comments and Replies

[edit]

It's a fine article but there are numerous minor wording issues that need attention.

Lead: ::of Qeshm Island off of Southern Iran.

Reads oddly to me. Why not just " of Qeshm Island off Southern Iran."?
the second major one in Iran that occurred in 2005
Similarly, better as " the second major one that occurred in Iran in 2005"?
It killed 13 people.
Possibly better as a single sentence joined with the preceding one: "February, which killed
with the highly active region
with "this highly active region"?
You can link Qeshm in infobox.
Is "Southern Iran" a province you can link to? If not, should it be 'southern Iran" with a link to the second word as this is the first time it appears.
I have also tweaked the lead wording here. Ben MacDui 11:52, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Background

  • "earthquakes" appears twice in the opening sentence - the second clause "and this particular region is prone to earthquakes" is redundant without a qualifier as it is clear they happen daily. I presume something like "and this particular region is prone to regular more severe seismic events." would be the case?and the following one.
Seismic analysis has identified more than 80 earthquakes stronger than magnitude 5 in the last 100 years[a],
does this refer to " this particular region" or Iran generally?
note "a" should appear after the comma.
  • The majority of Iranian quakes occur in the upper crust, close to the surface.
Are there any implications that are relevant e.g. that this makes them more or less damaging?
The geologic processes involved in the triggering of shallow- or or deep-focus quakes are different. In terms of damage, there isn't necessarily a link; the earthquakes in this region of Iran tend to be at around 10 km, whereas megathrust earthquakes (e.g. Fukushima, Boxing Day) are at around 30 km. Maxim(talk) 16:14, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The simple answer is that it varies, and the complicated answer is probably located in a paper somewhere. Maxim is correct.
Shallower focus is always more damaging for the same magnitude
I think we could say this then, as it is germane to background discussion of the event. Ben MacDui 11:52, 1 January 2013 (UTC) PS As this seems to be a general point I don't think any source needs to be be specific to Iran. Ben MacDui 20:06, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
In which case I have a source [11] - I'll add it. Mikenorton (talk) 22:03, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Bilham " blames construction practices for deaths in Iranian earthquakes."
Does he mean all deaths? Surely a qualifier is needed here.
20th century, 1 in 3,000
You don't need the first comma
that the greatest damages
damages plural?
where no building code exists.
Do you really mean that a singular code does not exist for all rural areas or that "no building codes exist". (The former is implied by the next sentence).
As per the source, there is no building code for rural areas. Maxim(talk) 16:14, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Geological setting

Please Can you link or explain " shortening"? I don't see anything in Wiktionary (unless it has the same meaning as in shortbread).
'Simply Folded Belt'
The use of caps contrasts with the preceding sentence.
Don't use single quote marks
I hate to be one to break consistency, but the capitalization is based off of how the different faults are always named. Simply Folded Belt is always capitalized, while Zagros isn't. I don't have a reason why.
you don't link to Conglomerate (geology) on first use of the term.
There is evidence of intermediate level detachment at some of the weaker layers, leading to folds at different stratigraphic levels have different locations, orientations or wavelengths.
Unless I am missing a technical understanding the syntax in this sentence is garbled.
It was a bit - I've tried to improve it
Earthquake focal mechanisms and hypocentral depths show that shortening is accommodated…
I think you mean that "Measurements of Earthquake focal mechanisms and hypocentral depths show…"
Epicentre
The lead says that the "epicenter was about 1,500 kilometers (932 mi) south of Tehran in the Persian Gulf," but the map suggests it was on the island itself.
This has been clarified; the epicenter has since been moved due to better research. ceranthor 16:59, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I don't think you need to state that the map is a Map - you can just have the description be "The main fold structures…."
anticlinal is a dup link

Specific details/Characteristics

The earthquake was measured at 6.0
The sentence would read more fluently if you explained that " The earthquake was initially measured at 6.0…"
interpreted to represent
I think this may be better as " interpreted as representing"
represent appears twice in this sentence
Surface displacement during the earthquake has been measured using SAR interferometry. An area of uplift, with a maximum value of about 20 centimeters (8 in), was centered over the eastern end of the Latif anticline.[14] A smaller area of subsidence is observed to the south of the uplifted area and the lack of a sharp boundary between the two suggest that the fault does not come to the surface.
has been, was, is - consistent tenses please.
between about 8 kilometers (5 mi) and 4 kilometers (2 mi) depth,
missing word - e.g. "in depth" or similar
possibly related to a major NW-SE trending strike-slip fault
I am struggling to ensure a good understanding of what is meant and may appear unduly pedantic, but I think this means "possibly within a major NW-SE..", rather than something like "possibly caused by a major NW-SE.."
My access to the full text of this source has temporarily disappeared, so I would rather wait until I get it back (should be within a few days - Elsevier does this every year) Mikenorton (talk) 17:21, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Now that I have access again, I've reworded it. Mikenorton (talk) 23:28, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
focal mechanism is a dup link
"Specific details" - can you come up with a less tautologous heading?
"but a 3 kilometers" - template convert needs help here as the plural does not work with "a". Ben MacDui 12:17, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Damage and casualties

It killed 13 people and injured 100 locals on Qeshm Island.
You seem to be distinguishing between "people" and "locals" - is there a reason for this?
In Zirang (Ziranag), a nearby village on Qeshm
nearby to what?
Thirteen villages were destroyed including Tonban, Ramekan, Gavarzin, Khaledin, Direstan, Kushe, Karavan, Turyan, Tom senati, Gorbehdan, Ziranag, Giahdan,[23] and Gourian,[24] seven other villages experiencing extensive damage.
As there are 13 villages on the list you don't need the qualifier "including". Suggest something like "Thirteen villages were destroyed (Tonban, Ramekan, Gavarzin, Khaledin, Direstan, Kushe, Karavan, Turyan, Tom senati, Gorbehdan, Ziranag, Giahdan[23] and Gourian[24]) and seven other villages experienced extensive damage.
Bandar Abbas, Abu Zabi, Ajman, Dubayy, al-Fujayrah and Ras al Khaymah;
I am assuming your use of redirects here is to maintain consistent use of Iranian nomenclature. I don't think this is necessary and tends to suggest to the uninitiated that, for example "Abu Zabi" is an obscure Iranian city.
The earthquake was reported in Oman.
and no doubt elsewhere, in the sense of being referred to. The source says it was "felt", which seems like an unusually soft substrate for an earthquake. : ) Please help us.
No major damage occurred at the epicenter;[25] residents of the city did report that the shaking burst windows, leading citizens to evacuate their homes in fear of collapse.
you have just told us that 13 villages were destroyed near the epicenter. Which city? Qeshm? Oman?
I think you need a link to Qeshm, Iran in the phrase "residents of Qeshm did report that the shaking burst windows". It clearly can't refer to villages where the damage was much worse than this. Ben MacDui 13:06, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
In total more than 2,000 people were affected./s>
Given that a long list of locations precedes this, stating that this refers to the island or province would be helpful.
I think it's pretty clear as is; 2,000 total, everywhere. ceranthor 16:59, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
One major hospital crowded with the injured and lacking medical supplies for treatment and an airport on the epicentral island, and power lines on the island were severed.
Needs a tweak or two.
In one school
where?
Unfortunately the references are no help. ceranthor 16:59, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Fair enough, but if it is reasonable to assume it was on the epicentral island, then the two sentences prior to "panicked" could be lifted and replaced prior to "Buildings in Dubai" - otherwise you lose the geographical flow from local to regional. Ben MacDui 13:06, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
If the earthquake had occurred during the morning while residents were asleep, rather than mid-afternoon (1:52 pm local time),[22] it could have been deadlier. Housing in the epicentral area consisted chiefly of mud and brick,[20] which could crush sleeping residents.
you have two "could"s here and although the implications are obvious the uncited ends of both sentences stick out rather. Perhaps "If the earthquake had occurred during the morning while residents were asleep, rather than mid-afternoon (1:52 pm local time),[22] it could have been deadlier as housing in the epicentral area consisted chiefly of mud and brick.[20] "
were there any reports of damage to oil industry facilities in the region?
Not that I know of! ceranthor 16:59, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Gavarzin is a dup link
you could link to Afonso de Albuquerque

Relief efforts and aftermath

Aid workers from the domestic region began delivering supplies such as food, blankets, and tents
It would add to the drama if you could tell us how quickly they did so.
The long list of stuff is just filler - you could move the details to a Note.
40 of the staff of the IRCS,
is a bit clumsy - "40 IRCS staff" might do.
To help provide a structure to reliving efforts, 3 ambulances, 46 trucks, 3 helicopters
apart from the typo, I am not sure how these inanimate objects " provide a structure", which implies some kind of co-ordinated strategy.
Injured residents were evacuated via a helicopter,
You just told us they had at least 3 - was only one used for this purpose?
and were later transported to nearby Bandar Abbas
OK - in which case, where were they initially evacuated to?
all movement of damaged houses would require prior approval
I doubt anyone was intending to move the houses. Did he mean "movement into", "removals from"?
UNICEF (United Nations Children's Fund) offered assistance to Iran, and the official in charge of response stated, "We are preparing to respond if needed".[34]
Given that "UNICEF" is a very well-known acronym (and probably better known than the full name) I don't know that the explanation in brackets is necessary.
WP:MOSQUOTE implies that the opening "We" should be "we", although it does not say so outright and WP:QUOTE uses a quotation that does have a cap in the middle of a sentence. One despairs of MOS. I'd use a colon preceding the quote myself but I can't see anything that says this is desirable.
They elaborated that Iranian authorities "appeared to have things under control".[34]
missing "the" before Iranian?
in these parts of Asia
that's the third "Asia" in two sentences. You can't avoid the first two so may be just "in these locations" or similar.

Images

The licences are good.
The fortress and Emirates should have citations for the statements made about them.
Could do with one or maybe two more if you can find relevant ones. I realise this may be hard but I don't get a clear visual sense of the island from the article.

Refs

FN1 has an inconsistent date system
FN29 - you can link to BBC News Online
I note that Preusser et al. is a study of Kish not Qeshm - if the data provided is an estimate from the former please make this clear.
It was a study of Kish by ESR dating, but control was provided by using other techniques and by measuring other areas in the region. The hope is that the results between different dating techniques and between different areas in the region are all consistent. In this case, a figure for Qeshm with uranium-series dating was given. Maxim(talk) 16:14, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Nissen, Edwin, Ghorashi, Manoucher, Jackson, James, Parsons, Barry," Nikkimaria will clobber you if you are not consistent, but the I don't think this works well as there is no distinction in the list between surnames and forenames. Something like: "Nissen, Edwin; Ghorashi, Manoucher; Jackson, James; Parsons, Barry;"
I just changed them to initials to match the other references in the Bibliography. Mikenorton (talk) 14:23, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I noticed elsewhere that in the last couple of days {{Reflist|colwidth=33em}} is for no apparent reason producing refs in one long list in my browser. If this is a more general problem {{Reflist|2}} fixes it. Ben MacDui 11:32, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

A happy Hogmanay from Ben MacDui IRST 14:45, 31 December 2012

Thank you so much for your detailed review. Everything that does not have a response has been resolved. ceranthor 18:12, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
We are getting there. There are a few unstruck comments left plus one or two more I added. I'll give it another read through later today. Ben MacDui
I did miss a few, didn't I? My apologies. I resolved most of them; there are two and a half comments that haven't yet been addressed. ceranthor 18:04, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think everything has been addressed! ceranthor 21:19, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Maxim

  • Support—although I have done some relatively major edits to the article. Specifically, I support on all criteria except 1a as another review on prose could be useful per my talkpage comments.
    • The article is comprehensive and well-researched overall (not only with regards to the geology parts)
    • Licensing and sourcing on all images checks out. I removed one image that was problematic.

Maxim(talk) 22:08, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the support, Maxim! I pinged a copyeditor a little while ago, but he hasn't responded yet. Your comments have been really helpful. Just to let you know, I removed the subheading because I know that headings bother some of the delegates. ceranthor 01:07, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Cassianto

Nothing major from me, just nit-picks and quibbles. Feel free to disagree.

Lead
  • "The earthquake was the second major one that occurred in Iran in 2005" - May I suggest - "It was Iran's second major earthquake that year".
  • Do we need to link Iran?.
  • Double usage of "not". A typo I'm sure.
Background
  • "Since the start of the 20th century 1 in 3,000 Iranians have died in an earthquake-related incident."
Geological setting

Looks OK

Characteristics
  • "...of right lateral and left lateral strike-slip faults" - Repetetion of lateral.
  • "together accommodating north-south shortening beneath the Hormuz salt layer." - Is "accommodating" the right word to use here? It just doesn't sound right to me.
    I think accomodating is fine here, since it's referring to the faults. If not feel free to suggest something, I can't think of an alternative. ceranthor 14:34, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Damage and casualties
  • "I'm not sure "Lasting between 10 and 30 seconds..." Is the best way to start a new section. I would say "The Earthquake, lasted between 10 and 30 seconds "
  • I would swap "burst" windows for the obvious "smashed".
  • "One major hospital that was damaged was crowded with the injured casualties and lacked medical supplies for treatment. - Basically it could do with being reworded.
Relief efforts and aftermath
  • "...and 2 minibuses and 2 sniffer dogs" - "2 minibuses and 2 sniffer dogs"
  • "Injured residents were evacuated via a helicopter" - "Injured residents were taken to Bandar Abbas by helicopter" (or something similar).
Notes
  • Note A should really end with an inline citation.
  • ...as should Note B.

No need to hurry with this. It is generally a tight little article and one I enjoyed reading. Well done. -- CassiantoTalk 12:56, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Should all be fixed. Thank you for ending the drought!! ;) ceranthor 14:32, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support - based in my resolved comments. The article is seems tight and is well researched. -- CassiantoTalk 20:34, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the support. ceranthor 20:57, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments: Sorry to be late getting to this. The article looks in reasonably good shape, though there may be a few prose issues. Here are a few points from the lead:

  • "The earthquake was the second major one that occurred in Iran in 2005, following the Zarand earthquake in February." Clunks a bit; perhaps: "It was Iran's second major earthquake in 2005, following that at Zarand in February".
  • "It killed 13 people and devastated 13 villages" - I'd make this the second lead sentence, rather than the third.
  • Would it be better to say the earthquake "registerd 6.0" rather than "was 6.0"?
  • Rather than "it did not not cause many fatalities", which seems a bit dismissive of the 13 deaths, I'd say "the number of fatalities was limited".
  • Just a comment: "1 in 3,000 deaths in Iran attributable to earthquakes" does not, on the face of it, seem a particularly alarming proportion. Quite low, in fact (compare road accident deaths in the UK, or gun-related deaths in the US). Are you sure about the statistic?

I'm reading on, and will post more comments later. While I'm at it I'll just mention that some of your references have "pp." page formats while the majority are "pg". You should standardise. Brianboulton (talk) 15:03, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. 1 in 3000 doesn't seem like a lot, but I believe it's more than any other country in the world. Is the accepted standard pgs, then? Or is it still pg (ie. pg 1-11)? ceranthor 16:06, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I don't see how it can be more than any other country in the world, given that over 300,000 died in the Haiti quake of 2010, 80,000+ in a single Chinese quake in 2008, and there have also been recent Japanese mega-disasters. Given Iran's population and crude death rate, 1 in 3000 is about 120 deaths a year. However, that is not strictly a point for this article and I'm not pressing it. On the paging style, so long as you stick to one style, be it pp or pgs, you're OK. As about 95% of your refs use pg, I imagine you'll want to stick with that. Brianboulton (talk) 19:57, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Anyhow, here are my further comments:

Background
  • Double adverbs, particularly multisyllabic ones, ("particularly seismically") never read well. You could rephrase along the lines of "the Zagros region is particularly prone to seismic activity" or "has a high degree of seismic activity"
    Fixed.
  • Instead of using the technical term "earthquake engineering", which requires use of the link, why not use a pipe and say earthquake protection?
    Fixed.
  • In the lead, "one geophysicist has suggested that a country-wide rebuilding program will be needed to address the ongoing public safety concerns." This, presumably, is Bilham, but in the main text I can't see that he does more than blame construction practices; nothing about a country-wide rebuilding program.
    Fixed in the lead with "With 1 in 3,000 deaths in Iran attributable to earthquakes, one geophysicist has listed the lack of strict building codes as a serious concern".
Geological setting and Characteristics
  • The general issue in these sections is one of readability. I don't doubt the validity of the information, but not being a geologist and with my school science knowledge a distant memory, I had difficulty with the rather specialised language. Sample sentence: The sedimentary rocks above the salt layer comprise a basal Cambrian conglomerate and a thick sequence of limestones of Palaeozoic to Upper Cretaceous age, known together as the "Competent Group" due to their relatively high mechanical strength, followed by a sequence of weaker marls and interbedded limestones of latest Cretaceous to Lower Miocene age topped by Neogene sandstones and conglomerates. Is there any more reader-friendly way in which this kind of information can be transmitted?
    I fear not. The section was already hopelessly jargon-y before. It's been cleaned up a lot by more capable and more knowledgeable people than me, so I think it's as close to accessible as it's going to get without losing some of the meaning.
    That sentence has 12 internal links to aid the reader (admittedly I've added two since reading this comment) - if there are any unlinked technical terms that I've missed, I'll fix that. I'll see if there's anything I can do for readability without losing meaning. Mikenorton (talk) 21:37, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Damage and casualties
  • "Reports of Mercalli scale Intensity III damage came..." - sounds a bit like machine-writing. Perhaps: "Reports of damage at intensity level III of the Mercalli scale came..."
    Fixed.
  • "Shaking" - is that a technical expression in earthquake science? Shaking of what?
    Surface shaking. The only technical term I know of is quake, a synonym of shake. I rephrased this a little to make it clearer as "Shaking from the earthquake manifested itself in Oman.[3]", and Shaking links to Quake (phenomenon).
  • "The director of Tehran's seismological building..." Presumably he was director of more than the building?
    This is faithful to the source, which lists him as "The director of the seismological center in Tehran, Mehdi Zareh".
  • "some suffered broken legs" - some...what?
    Fixed.
  • "A damaging landslide..." - not sure the adjective is necessary.
    Fixed.
Relief efforts and aftermath
  • What or who is ReliefWeb?
    Linked.
  • The words "To add to the efforts" are redundant.
    Fixed.

That's all. Give me a shout when you're done. Brianboulton (talk) 22:13, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Should all be fixed, excluding the geology sections concern. ceranthor 20:01, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support: I have had a slight issue in that the geology and "Characteristics" sections may be difficult for general readers to understand, but it seems that none of the other reviewers share my concern, so I am not pressing it. In general the article reads well, and I am not going to nitpick over minor prose differences. I think the article now meets the FA criteria. Brianboulton (talk) 18:53, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the support, Brian! ceranthor 02:19, 28 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from George Ponderevo

I think the prose is still a little bit too raw in places, but with your permission I'll make what changes I think are necessary. Obviously though you're perfectly free to disagree with anything I do and revert it. I've only looked through the lead so far, but I have a few questions:

Comments from SchroCat More suggestions than anything else, but...

  • Are flags common in eathquake infoboxes? I thought—as per WP:INFOBOXFLAG—that they were generally to be avoided.
  • The lead and "Damage and casualties" section both have 13 dead as a bald fact, but the infobox has "at least 13 dead", which indicates uncertainty. Is there a possibility it was more than 13, or are we sure it was?
  • "residents of Qeshm did report that" -> "residents of Qeshm reported that"

Nothing much else springs to the eye. - SchroCat (talk) 09:07, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Should all be fixed! Thanks for the comments. ceranthor 11:22, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support - Nice work and ticks all the right boxes - thanks for considering my suggestions and I'm happy to add my support. - SchroCat (talk) 11:27, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the support! ceranthor 02:19, 28 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose. I don't think the prose stands up to scrutiny, as I said above. George Ponderevo (talk) 13:18, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Can you give one or two examples (other than those you've given above) of your remaining concerns? I have some issues about the accessibility of the language in the two technical sections, but otherwise I think the prose is OK. Brianboulton (talk) 21:59, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    Certainly:
  • "Large cities have a building code that take account of the seismic hazard".
  • "... three quarters of Iranian major cities to major earthquakes".
  • Reworded
  • " It is formed of Neogene sediments apart from a diapir of Hormuz salt ...".
  • I think that it was probably fine, but I've reworded the whole sentence
  • " No evidence has been found of surface faulting, but a 3 kilometer (2 mi) long set of bedding-parallel cracks were observed on the northwestern flank of the Ramkan syncline".
  • Fixed - it took me ages to spot that, thanks for the clarification
  • "An area of uplift was defined ...". Was it really defined, as opposed to identified?
  • Reworded
  • "... 80 percent of the buildings were demolished". Demolition is something we humans do, not earthquakes.
  • "Reports of damage at Intensity III of the Mercalli scale ...".
  • Reworded

Comments by Sasata (talk) 17:17, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Yaminifard is incorrectly spelled as Yarminifard; it also looks odd that he's spelled as "Yamini-Fard" in another source, but I guess there's not much to do about that
    Fixed
  • if you link a journal article title to an external paywalled site, you should include a {{subscription needed}} template
    Fixed
  • journal article titles use an inconsistent mix of sentence and title case
    Fixed
  • retrieval dates are not required for PDFs, nor are publishers for journals
    Removed publishers - couldn't find anything in MOS that mentioned no access dates for pdfs, but that's probably my lack of knowledge
  • the following potential sources came up in a Web of Knowledge/Science Direct search; have they been consulted?
Title: Evaluation of earthquake triggering during the 2005-2008 earthquake sequence on Qeshm Island, Iran
Author(s): Lohman, R. B.; Barnhart, W. D.
Source: JOURNAL OF GEOPHYSICAL RESEARCH-SOLID EARTH Volume: 115 Article Number: B12413 DOI: 10.1029/2010JB007710 Published: DEC 16 2010
Interesting article, but they came to no firm conclusions
Title: Earth surface deformation analysis of 2005 Qeshm earthquake based on three-dimensional displacement field derived from radar imagery measurements
Author(s): Amighpey, Masoome; Vosooghi, Behind; Dehghani, Maryam
Source: INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL OF APPLIED EARTH OBSERVATION AND GEOINFORMATION Volume: 11 Issue: 2 Pages: 156-166 DOI: 10.1016/j.jag.2009.01.002 Published: APR 2009
Didn't seem to add much to earlier work
Title: Improving the level of seismic hazard parameters in Saudi Arabia using earthquake location
Author(s): Al-Amri, Abdullah M.; Rodgers, Arthur J.; Al-Khalifah, Tariq A.
Source: ARABIAN JOURNAL OF GEOSCIENCES Volume: 1 Issue: 1 Pages: 1-15 DOI: 10.1007/s12517-008-0001-5 Published: JUL 2008
Not too much on this earthquake I think, but I don't have access to the full text
Title: Calibration of the specific barrier model to Iranian plateau earthquakes and development of physically based attenuation relationships for Iran
Author(s): Zafarani, H; Mousavi, M.; Noorzad, As.; Ansari A.
Source: Soil Dynamics and Earthquake Engineering Volume: 28 Issue: 7 Pages: 550-576 DOI: 10.1016/j.soildyn.2007.08.001 Published: JUL 2008
Just one of the earthquakes used in the analysis
  • I have seen this. Sorry, I've been bogged down by work and exams this week so it's been extremely difficult to even log on to the computer. I think off the top of my head one of the sources was previously used but it offered nothing substantially different so we scrapped it for a more useful source, but I'll have to check these out this weekend. ceranthor 17:46, 24 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Just to clarify, I added the above responses. Mikenorton (talk) 22:50, 24 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate comments -- nitpicks:

  • Can't see the need for citations in the infobox when the data is cited in the main body. As far as I can tell, only the epicenter coordinates are not cited later and therefore require sourcing in the infobox.
  • Is anyone particularly keen on a single-sentence paragraph in the middle of the lead? I think the info follows on naturally from the first para and should be part of it (the current third para, being background/context, makes sense separately).
  • Also in the lead, "where the crust is being shortened and thickened" reads oddly to me, almost like it's an engineering project -- can we add exactly what (briefly) is causing the shortening/thickening?
  • I've removed that bit as it doesn't appear to be helping anybody - alternatively there would need to be something on the continental collision and all that would be excessive in the lead I think, but I will have a go if you think that necessary. Mikenorton (talk) 08:13, 28 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Notes section looks a little amateurish compared to the References -- suggest using the style in 1997 Qayen earthquake.

Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 05:08, 28 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, Ian! These should now all be fixed. ceranthor 17:07, 28 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • That's all fine, guys. Parting comment: I'm assuming it's standard procedure to include the "Tsunami" parameter in the infobox even if there was no tsunami, if the affected area was an island or on the coast. If that's the reasoning then by all means keep; if not, I'd lose it. Not important enough to slow down promotion though; tks all. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 00:56, 29 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 23:41, 27 January 2013 [12].

John Le Mesurier

[edit]
Nominator(s): SchroCat (talk) 19:10, 9 January 2013 (UTC), CassiantoTalk 19:17, 9 January 2013 (UTC) and ♦ Dr. ☠ Blofeld 19:22, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

With appearances in over 100 films, plus an extensive stage and television repertoire, "Le Mez", as he was known to his friends, was a tireless character actor who appeared in some of the most well-known films of the twentieth century, but is perhaps best known for his portrayal of Arthur Wilson in Dad's Army. We hope that you enjoy reviewing this article as much as we have enjoyed writing it, and we look forward to all comments and suggestions. Many thanks - SchroCat (talk) 19:10, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Very nice article, well done to all. Rothorpe (talk) 23:44, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments – first batch:

  • Lead
    • Could we have a phonetic guide to pronouncing the surname? I believe it properly rhymes with "treasurer" rather than with "leisure-ee-eh", but it would be nice to have authoritative guidance on this point.
    • "Born in Bedfordshire, England" – it is unusual to put town of birth in the lead and then repeat it in the text. I don't think we need it here.
    • "a John Gielgud production of Shakespeare's Hamlet" – I think most readers will know who wrote that particular play
    • "an actor who took only minor roles" – I wouldn't call Sgt Wilson a minor role
  • 1934–46
    • "he returned to London and re-joined Croydon Repertory Theatre" – it would be pushing it to call Croydon "London" in the pre-war years (or even now, really)
    • "The reviewer in the Manchester Guardian" – lower case definite article here, but upper case later for The Times and The Sunday Times. Much better to capitalise and include the article in the piping, I'd say.
    • "he returned to London where he was employed by the Brixton Theatre in London" – two "Londons": one too many.
    • "Private's Progress" – I'm not sure that the longish crit of the whole film is all that relevant to this biographical article
  • 1960–68
  • 1968–77

More to come. – Tim riley (talk) 15:16, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Second and final batch of comments from me:

  • 1977–83
    • "In January 1980 Le Mesurier played The Wise Old Bird in the BBC Radio 4 adaptation The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" – ah, you youngsters! The Radio 4 series in my (relative) youth was the original HHG, from which the books, TV series and film all derived. Just change "adaptation" to "series" and all will be well.
    • "and appeared on the same channel" – "channel" doesn't feel right here. For TV yes, but for radio I think "station" is wanted.
    • "David Bliss alongside Constance Cummings as Sorel Bliss" – It is simply impossible that Connie Cummings, who was as old as the hills in 1980, played the pert young daughter Sorel. I am willing to bet a substantial sum that she played the grande dame Judith Bliss. Where was this production, by the way? I don't recall it in London, and I haven't missed many Coward productions in the West End over the last forty years or so.
      • The Lyric, Hammersmith and then on tour. Details of dates and some locations towards the end of the table in the "collected works" article. You are entirely right about it being Judith, which The Guardian review spells out for us. Not sure where the Sorel ref came from—possibly my sub-conscious. - SchroCat (talk) 05:55, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Sellers's last film before his death in July 1980" – and how many did he make after it? (Afterthought: perhaps "S's last film, made x months before his death in July 1980".)
    • The Passionate Pilgrim – may I say (wholly irrelevantly to this review) that I had never heard of this film and am grateful to learn of it. I shall seek it out soonest. But you have again implied (to a peculiarly perverse reader, e.g. me) that the star made posthumous films.
  • Personal life
    • "When the condition relapsed – I don't think conditions relapse: I think conditions recur and patients relapse

That is the sum total of my comment, quibble and complaint. A very meagre haul. The article is excellent and I look forward to adding my voice in support of its elevation once these minor matters are dealt with. Tim riley (talk) 20:43, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Tim, Many thanks indeed for your observations: they are all much appreciated and I hope we've done them justice! - SchroCat (talk) 05:59, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support. This article is well constructed, balanced, comprehensive, fully referenced and a most enjoyable read. I congratulate the principal editors, and am very pleased to add my support for the promotion of the article to FA. Tim riley (talk) 19:41, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


Source review - spotchecks not done

  • Though citations usually aren't needed in the lead, they should be included for direct quotes, even those repeated later
  • "After a long run of small roles in second features, his 1955 portrayal of the registrar in Roy Boulting's comedy Josephine and Men, "jerked him out of the rut", according to Philip Oakes." - need cite
  • FN17: check formatting of quotes within titles (FN26 is correct)

Many thanks Nikkimaria, it's very much appreciated and I think we've sorted everything out. Please let me know if there is anything else that needs sorting and we'll cover it. - SchroCat (talk) 04:53, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Ah, OK. Thanks for taking the time to look at this NM. -- CassiantoTalk 15:52, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Note to delegate (and to all): if a source spot-check is wanted I shall be happy to do one, but n.b. (1) declaration of interest: I have worked closely with two of the three nominators on other articles, though not this one, and (2) I shall be away from 15th to 24th of this month. Tim riley (talk) 14:55, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Sarastro1

[edit]

Comments: No major problems so far, just a few prose nit-picks from me. Feel free to disagree with any of them. I've read down to the end of Early life so far. Sarastro1 (talk) 17:11, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Do we have a reference for the pronunciation of his name? It is not immediately obvious, so I think something is needed to support it.
  • "He is best remembered for his comedic role as Sergeant Arthur Wilson in the BBC situation comedy Dad's Army (1968–77), but appeared in a range of roles across many genres, normally in smaller, supporting parts.": Comma overload! Do we need the comma after smaller? In fact, do we need to say both smaller and supporting? And a minor point: my personal preference would be to swap range and many: "many roles across a range of genres".
    • Thanks for the review Sarastro. Right, I agree mostly with what you say here and have shuffled the lead about. I have adopted everything you mention, but have kept "smaller and supporting". My reason being is that simply saying "supporting" does not indicate the size of that role, only that it supported the main actors. I suppose saying "smaller" would do this, but it would not indicate that it is a supporting role, so could be presumed as being a small part, such as an extra (actor). Le Mez was somewhere in between; unfortunately the in between role had no descriptive name. Fellow co-nom's, what do you think here? -- CassiantoTalk 18:10, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He returned to make his film debut in 1948, where he starred in the second feature comedy short Death in the Hand": Returned to where? And "where" does not make too much sense given that we have just mentioned his debut. Perhaps "in which he starred"?
  • "He undertook a number of roles on television in 1951": We skip from 1948 to 1951 in the lead; did he not work between these dates? (Not that we should list everything here, but it reads as if there was a gap)
  • "He also appeared in Hancock's two principal films, and many episodes of Hancock's television series Hancock's Half Hour.": This reads as if we should know what these two films are; perhaps name them? And we have three "Hancock's" in the same sentence. Perhaps some rewording to avoid this.
  • "Despite the award, this was one of the few lead roles he played during the course of his career.": Why do we need "Despite the award"? Probably better without.
  • "Le Mesurier took a relaxed approach to acting and considered himself "a jobbing actor",[1] who felt that his parts": Do we need a comma after "actor"?
  • "On his death, critics reflected": Perhaps "After his death"?
  • "While John was still an infant the family settled in Bury St Edmunds, in Suffolk": Redundancy?
  • "He was sent to school, first to Grenham House in Kent, and later to Sherborne School in Dorset": Why not simply "He first attended Grenham House, a school in Kent, then Sherborne School in Dorset"?
    • Because the latter sounds like the family were moving around and he went to a local school. Being sent to school shows what actually happened: that he was sent away to prep/boarding schools. "Went" also implies some form of active consent from JLM: he hated both places, and it was sort of against his will that he attended. - SchroCat (talk) 17:23, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "as a child he had frequently been taken to the West End of London to watch Ralph Lynn and Tom Walls perform in the Aldwych Farces at the Aldwych Theatre": Who took him? And we have two instances of "Alywych" in the space of a few words. Is there a way of avoiding this?
  • "After leaving school, while nursing this ambition he was initially persuaded to follow his father's line of work, as an articled clerk at Greene & Greene, a firm of solicitors in Bury St Edmunds; in his spare time he took part in local amateur dramatics.": I think we can cut "while nursing this ambition" as that is implied by the previous sentence. And why is there a comma after "work"? Sarastro1 (talk) 17:11, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

More comments: Up to 1934-46, only minor stuff. Sarastro1 (talk) 21:15, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • "The Millicent Ward repertory company typically staged evening performances of three-act plays which changed each week": What changed? The company, the times of the performance, the number of acts, or the play?
  • "then accepted an offer to appear with his friend Alec Guinness": I think we've already established that they were friends.
  • "later toured in the provinces": And the provinces in this sense were…?
  • "The reviewer in The Manchester Guardian considered that Le Mesurier gave "a faultless performance", and went on to say that, "the character is not overemphasised. One may praise it best by saying that Mr. Le Mesurier gives one a really uncomfortable feeling in the stomach".": Not quite sure that we need the second part of the quote. It seems more about the character than LeM.
  • The list of productions is just starting to teeter on the edge of dull. I quite liked the summary comment ("In his time in repertory, Le Mesurier acted in many different roles across a range of genres, his biographer Graham McCann observing that he covered "comedies and tragedies, thrillers and fantasies, tense courtroom dramas and frenzied farces, Shakespeare and Ibsen, Sheridan and Wilde, Molière and Shaw, Congreve and Coward. The range was remarkable".") and wonder if this could stand in for some of the list of performances?
  • The war: I take it he was called up? Sarastro1 (talk) 21:15, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Continuing: Mainly nit-picks still, but a few broader points. Down to end of "1968–77" now. Sarastro1 (talk) 22:16, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • "After wartime service, Le Mesurier returned to acting...": As we have just had a section all about his war service, I think the first part here is redundant. What about just "In [year], Le Mesurier returned to acting..."?
  • "with Croydon rep": Pompous as it may seem, should we be keeping it as "repertory" rather than going for a slightly informal abbreviation?
  • "he made his radio debut on the BBC Light Programme in a November 1946 adaptation of Just William, where he played the part of Uncle Noel.": Not a place, so perhaps "in which" rather than "where"?
  • "Hattie Jacques": We read that the pair had married, but we never hear what happened to his first wife, which is slightly jarring.
    • Full details of his private life are in the appropriate section lower down, but your point is a good one and I've tweaked their (Jacques and Le Mez) wedding info accordingly. - SchroCat (talk) 14:46, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "they would often go for drinking sessions ... and end up..." → "they often went ... to end up"?
  • "he kept up his friendship": Informal? Perhaps "maintained his friendship"?
  • "The cast featured many leading British actors of the time, including Ian Carmichael, Richard Attenborough, Dennis Price and Terry-Thomas.": I think this could be cut back a little; at most I think I would name one or two of these people rather than four. And in general, do we really need to know his co-stars?
  • In the "1946–59" and "1960-68" sections: Again, I think we are drifting very slightly into turning a filmography into prose in these sections. If possible, a more general comment (as in the previous section) which summarises this would be preferable, but if, as I suspect, this is not possible, I suppose we are stuck with this list. But, to be honest, it is a little dull to read; in effect we have two sections which basically list his films with little or no commentary on them. (This issue would not lead to an oppose, nor prevent my support, but I think it should at least be raised)
    • I've tweaked the 46-59 section to drop (for example) his 1959 films into a footnote. This has made the text easier to read, but the info is still available if people want to know just what the 13 films were. - SchroCat (talk) 09:39, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Dad's Army: It's possible I've imagined this, but... I seem to remember that the original idea for the series was a soft captain and a disciplinarian sergeant, and it was only later (for reasons I forget) that this idea was inverted for the series. Perhaps worth checking? I'm afraid I can be no more specific than that, and I can't place where I read it.
  • "and the two would dine together in a local cafe while watching horse-racing on television": Perhaps "and the two dined together"?
  • "In 1971 Norman Cohen directed a feature film of Dad's Army.[98] Le Mesurier also appeared as Wilson in a play of Dad's Army, which toured the UK in 1975–76.[99] Following the success of Dad's Army, Le Mesurier recorded ": Dad's Army...Dad's Army...Dad's Army
  • "In between the annual filming of Dad's Army, Le Mesurier acted in films": filming...films
  • "In 1971 Le Mesurier gave an award-winning performance in Dennis Potter's television play Traitor, in which he portrayed a "boozy British aristocrat who became a spy for the Soviets";[105] his performance won him a British Academy of Film and Television Arts "Best Television Actor" award.": Do we need to set up that he got an award, then list the award in the same sentence? Either "gave an award winning performance" should be cut, or the name and description of the award should be moved to the start of this sentence. Having both seems a little much.
  • Do we really need a whole paragraph citing reviews of his performance in Traitor? There seem to be a few superfluous quotes; we get the idea! The section on this one-off role is roughly half the length of Dad's Army, a role he performed for nearly ten years, which seems excessive. Sarastro1 (talk) 22:16, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • I've removed one of the quotes. As this was his sole award in a long career the attention to it seems OK and reflects the attention of the critics (and obit writers, who all mentioned it): it is one paragraph only, compared to the two and a half paragraphs for Dad's Army, which gain seems to be OK. - SchroCat (talk) 12:06, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Final comments: Having read to the end, just a few more comments. I think the problem persists that we are still buried in a list of performances, and it is not until the "personal life" section that he comes alive as a man. But unless you have a source which summarises chunks of his career, I suspect your hands are tied. Having said that, this is an impressive article on a famous actor about whom I knew little. I look forward to supporting, but I will have a final re-read before doing so, as my concerns over list-y-ness may come from having read this in instalments. Sarastro1 (talk) 20:28, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Just realised: the last paragraph in the 1968-77 section is a little repetitive: "In 1972... In 1974... The following year... That year" in the four sentences. A little more variety perhaps?
  • "Sergio Angelini, writing on Le Mesurier's portrayal": Writing about, maybe?
  • "after his demobilisation in 1946, he discovered that his wife had become alcohol-dependent in the intervening years": Redundancy?
  • "Le Mesurier allowed Jacques to bring a divorce suit on grounds of his own infidelity, to ensure that the press blamed him for the break-up, thus avoiding any negative publicity for Jacques." I think we are saying the same thing twice here, about the press blaming him, and her escaping publicity, but I can see why it has been written this way. Perhaps this could be improved slightly (although I have no immediate suggestions myself!)?
    • I'm not sure it's the same thing (publicity could have been escaped without any blame etc), but the two points are certainly related. I agree that it could be better worded and I'll try and draw something suitable up. - SchroCat (talk) 22:44, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After a year together, with Hancock's violence towards her worsening and after attempting suicide, Joan realised that she could no longer live with him and returned to her husband.": Slightly untidy here; who attempted suicide: Hancock or Joan? Perhaps there is too much going on in one sentence.
  • "Le Mesurier was a heavy drinker, but was never noticeably drunk": Presumably, in public as we have no idea what he did in private.
  • "Until his collapse he had not considered himself an alcoholic": Perhaps just "until then" as we have just mentioned his collapse.
  • "His self-penned death notice in The Times of 16 November 1983 stated that he had "conked out" and that he "sadly misses family and friends"": While undoubtedly true, I think we need a reference to show that he wrote it; I don't think the notice itself is enough. (It's easy enough to do: page 1 of the same issue of the Times!) Sarastro1 (talk) 20:28, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks for your thoughts and I'll see if I can trim a few more films from the list. None of the sources summarise bits of his career, which was largely a long string of supporting parts without any really definable phases (apart from the "Dad's Army years"), so getting an overview of a particular timeframe is a bit awkward here. Thanks again for your help: it's much appreciated. - SchroCat (talk) 22:44, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

A few further points:

  • The lead does not mention his marriages. I would suggest that these were important enough (and interesting enough) for the lead.
  • There is one unanswered point about "provinces" above.
Now sorted. - SchroCat (talk) 13:48, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "they would often go for drinking sessions around Soho, where they would end up in jazz clubs.": I'm still not sure why we are using "would" here; is it not better to use the straight past tense: "they often went for drinking sessions around Soho, where they ended up in jazz clubs"? Sarastro1 (talk) 13:33, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support: OK, I'm happy to support now. I still think that some of the film list could be cut, but as the sources are limited I'm not sure much more could be done; either way, I don't think this would prevent the article being a FA. Well done to all concerned for putting this together. Sarastro1 (talk) 18:45, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Wow, probably the most thorough review I have participated in. There is no doubt at all that JLM has benefitted hugely from it. Thank you for investing the time in reviewing and for your show of support Sarastro! -- CassiantoTalk 15:19, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support, with comments:

  • I did a fair amount of copyediting during the article's development stage, and also made critical comments. These can be seen on the article's talk page. The main problem, I thought, was overdetailing; individual appearances laboriously listed with irrelevant cast lists, etc. I'm glad to say that there is now much less of this, though perhaps there is still a tendency to include redundant detail. For example, what is the relevance to this article of Eric Morecambe's death date?
  • Straightforward comments by critics such as "well cast" and "extraordinarily well" don't need quote marks, which should be reserved for rather more distinctively phrased comments.
  • "British India" is a geopolitcal concept rather than a place; I'd leave this as "India".

These are small points. In its present form the article is an enjoyable read, and the subject sympathetic. Well done to all concerned. Brianboulton (talk) 14:38, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Brian, you really have gone above and beyond the call here: I think today's efforts have been your third copy edit (although I may have missed one somewhere along the lines). Thank you so much for all your efforts, they really are very much appreciated. - SchroCat (talk) 15:06, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
An echo of above from me. Your time invested in this has greatly improved the article. Thank you so much. -- CassiantoTalk 15:14, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Amazes me how "less is more" so to speak, this article actually seems longer than it was at 80kb because it is better balanced.♦ Dr. ☠ Blofeld 14:09, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate notes

  • I seem to recall that it was once frowned upon to lead off with "such-and-such award-winning". Is it standard procedure these days? Personally I can do without it but will go with whatever's the current consensus...
    • I agree—especially as we discuss the BAFTA award in the third paragraph
  • Harv errors for Mustazza and Pym in the Bibliography.
    • Now removed
  • Image review?
    • I'll ping a couple of people and see if we can sort something out

Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 13:04, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks Ian - much appreciated! - SchroCat (talk) 15:38, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Image check - all OK, fair-use and PD-images (own work, geograph, OTRS-ticket), sources and authors provided. However i see some minor problems with fair-use images.

  • I fixed NFCC#1 parameter for File:John_Le_Mesurier.jpg, please tweak the other 2 non-free images aswell. There is no need to repeat all 11 arguments for the complete rationale, just those referring specifically to replaceability. Other arguments are already listed in separate fields.
  • Fill missing NFCC-parameters with a brief argument, why this criterion is met. Strictly speaking, if a NFCC-criterion is filled with "n.a.", it violates that point (NFCC requires all criteria to be met).
  • Make sure, each rationale matches the image behind it. For example, you have "The image is needed to identify the person for educational purposes in an encyclopaedia entry and significantly improves the quality of the article." for the Times image (no person to see in that image).
  • File:John_Le_Mesurier.jpg - fair-use OK for identification.
  • File:Dad's_Army_cast_-_1971.jpg - fair-use OK (assuming, no free image of him in character is available).
    • We're fairly sure there isn't a free Dad's Army character image, having done some fairly good searches for it. if one comes up later, it will be used in this one's place.
  • File:Lemesurier.png - i am not convinced, this meets NFCC#1 "not replaceable with textual coverage". It's an iconic notice and important for the article, but it still consists of 100% text and could easily be replicated as quote box. This usage should be reconsidered.
    • Replaced by text box (sadly!)

Frankly i'm not completely sure about the Times image, feel free to get another opinion on this somewhat unique situation. GermanJoe (talk) 17:45, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Many thanks GermanJoe. I've replaced the Tines image and see if I can get another opinion in the mean time, but I suspect that you are right on the basis that it is text and therefore replaceable, to some extent. Thanks again: it's much appreciated! - SchroCat (talk) 18:51, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


Fantastic news: thanks very much Ian, and to all who took the time to read and comment on this article. - SchroCat (talk) 02:19, 28 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Ditto, thanks to one and all for your comments and reviews. Congratulations to SchroCat on another great article! -- CassiantoTalk 06:31, 28 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 23:41, 27 January 2013 [13].

Mycena aurantiomarginata

[edit]
Nominator(s): Sasata (talk) 20:39, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Mycena aurantiomarginata is a widely distributed fungal inhabitant of forest floors. Although relatively short, I think the article is comprehensive, and, after several bouts of copyediting, within reach of the prose standard of FAC. Would appreciate any assistance in further refining the article. Sasata (talk) 20:39, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Support - Prose is excellent. A few niggles on ref spotchecks.
References
  • Why is it that one of the sources that uses a page number (Smith) is listed under Cited text, but refs 3, 4, 5, 9, 10, 16, 17, 18, 19, 27, 29, and 30 aren't listed separately?
  • All the cite journal references have a different page number format from the rest of the citations. I realize that's the fault of the templates, but they should probably all be the same (this can just be fixed by implementing the above suggestion).
  • Is there a reason none of the publishers or presses are linked? This probably isn't required, but it would certainly be helpful for readers.

ceranthor 21:45, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thank-you for your support. The Smith book is the only source with a wide page range and multiple citations to different pages and so is best broken up into individual page cites to help with verification. Furthermore, this source is available online, so I can link each one of these pages individually. Journal articles with relatively short page ranges don't need to have individual pages cited. Journals and books have slightly different formatting (imposed by the templates, as you say), but they are different types of sources, so I think this is ok. As a personal preference, I generally don't link journals, publishers, publisher locations, or presses in the sources, thinking there's enough blue links in there already (having more bluelinks "makes it difficult for the reader to identify and follow links that are likely to be of value" like doi/jstor/pubmed identifiers, or direct links to article online. Sasata (talk) 22:19, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, that seems fine to me. ceranthor 18:23, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • lookalike and The pigment is likely responsible look informal to a Brit of a certain age, please assure me that they are standard Canadian
  • Tetrapolar — I don't know what this means in this context
  • The pigment is likely responsible for its color... The chemical is only present in the fruit bodies, and not in the colorless mycelia — Is there any doubt that it's the cause of the colour?
  • Support and comment from Dana. Just one little nitpick:
  • Lead, "in North Africa, and Central America, and Japan." Do we need the first "and"?

Image check - all OK (Mushroom Observer, PD-chem ineligible formula). Sources and authors provided. One minimal nitpick:

Query -- from the lead: antibiotic activity that may function in nature to prevent certain bacteria from growing on the mushroom. As a layman I have to ask whether "in nature" really adds anything. Where else would it function? Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 12:31, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Another good example of why I appreciate the extra eyes from FAC ... I've removed the unnecessary phrase. Sasata (talk) 15:47, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by GrahamColm 16:07, 23 January 2013 [14].

Neville Cardus

[edit]
Nominator(s): Brianboulton (talk) 20:22, 13 January 2013 (UTC) and Tim riley (Talk)[reply]

Neville Cardus was a widely-read writer on music and cricket, who graced the pages of the Manchester Guardian and its successor newspaper for more than half a century, on and off. He was entirely self-educated, without connections or any advantages other than his self-belief and determination. His style was personal and discursive; his music criticisms wer sometimes blunt enough to cause offence, while his cricket writings were renowned for putting colour and character before scores and results. He acquired many honours from the music and cricket worlds, and the Queen gave him a CBE and a knighthood, the latter enabling him always to get the best tables at the Savoy. A famous bon viveur, he would have liked that. A joint effort, crafted by Tim riley (who once saw Cardus) and me (who didn't). Brianboulton (talk) 23:31, 14 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support had my say at the PR, all concerns were addressed. Well done on an unusual topic.--Wehwalt (talk) 20:43, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


Support - I also played a hand at the peer review and the article has only grown in quality since. I fully support its promotion to FA status. -- CassiantoTalk 21:10, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Gerda Arendt

Very immpressive article, excellent reading, very minor comments:

  • infobox: I would expect parameter "years active" rather than a period, and I would like to see his major papers listed, with a link, also a few significant books
  • Tim is away, and has asked me to respond. I can't find a "years active" parameter in the writer infobox template - perhaps you know how to arrange this. I have added details of his Manchester Guardian/Guardian activities. We don't think it appropriate to add a selection of his books; any such selection would be subjective, and might misinform as to the range and nature of his work. Brianboulton (talk) 11:56, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Understand. I use Infobox person, rather than composer or writer, as more flexible. Gerda Arendt (talk)
  • Family background and early childhood: I find the mentioning of his nickname Fred in brackets, before he is even born, a bit strange. - Perhaps it's only me, but when Robert Cardus appears at the beginning of the second paragraph, I had forgotten that he was mentioned before. Adding "Her father" would have helped me.
  • I have adjusted the mention of his nickname. I can't see why you should forget who Robert Cardus was; he is mentioned just four lines earlier when his stsus as Ada's father is fully described. I have made a few other prose tweaks for further clarification. Brianboulton (talk) 00:24, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • quoting: how about 'the "boy who ..."' instead of '"[T]he boy who ...'
  • I know it's a little pedantic, but the [] brackets indicate a capital T in the original, which becaomes a small t in the text to maintain the prose flow. It is quite a common practice in these circumstances. Brianboulton (talk) 00:24, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I know what the practise is, therefore I suggested to get the "the" before the quote, --Gerda Arendt (talk) 08:30, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • was 10? was ten? something else?
  • Australia: "including The Marriage of Figaro and Der Rosenkavalier" - was Mozart sung in English, Strauss in German?
  • Tim explains, and I agree, that he has used the names by which these operas are best known in England, and which are indeed the titles of their Wikipedia articles. Elsewhere in the article, for the same reasons, you will find a reference to The Magic Flute. The use of an English name for a foreign-language opera is fairly arbitrary; for example, we say The Bartered Bride, but also Così fan tutte - no real logic, but there it is. Brianboulton (talk) 11:56, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Understand. My logic is to use the language in which the performance or recording actually was (if known, that's what I was asking), with a piped link to the common name on the English Wikipedia, for example use [[The Bartered Bride|[Die verkaufte Braut] Error: {{Lang}}: text has italic markup (help)]] ([[The Bartered Bride|{{lang|de|''Die verkaufte Braut''}}]]) for a 1950s recording in German. Gerda Arendt (talk)
  • "He ends his autobiography by declaring: "If I know that my Redeemer liveth it is not on the church's testimony, but because of what Handel affirms"." - we know that "I know that my Redeemer liveth" is an aria from Handel's Messiah, but will the average reader?

I love the many quotes! Do we have to improve Barenboim's English? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 21:13, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I liked your responses so far, thank you, gentlemen ;) --Gerda Arendt (talk) 08:30, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support from my limited point of view, only minor points left for thought, --Gerda Arendt (talk) 12:12, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support My minor points were addressed at PR and the article has been further improved since then. Great work - SchroCat (talk) 08:28, 14 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks to Wehwalt, Cassianto and SchroCat for their support, and for input with PR. Tim riley (talk) 18:28, 14 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support: I contributed to the PR as well, and my points were addressed or answered without any problems. This is simply brilliant. Just three remaining points from that PR which do not affect my support if the authors would prefer to tell me politely where to go. Sarastro1 (talk) 22:36, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • My reading of his early life is that he lived with his mother's parents when he was born (before her marriage), but we are not actually informed of this fact until being told that he and his mother "returned" to live with them after the break-up of her marriage. This then explains why we are given details of his grandparents early on, which a biography would not usually include. (I hope this makes sense; I made rather a hash of explaining this at the PR!) So it may be worth explicitly saying that he lived with his grandparents a little earlier in the article.
  • On the point of when he went from "just another cricket writer" to something more than that, I think it would be worth putting a timescale on that. Tim riley noted at the PR that he was already feted as something special in 1922; is it worth putting this in the article? My preference would be yes, but not a problem if the authors think it is too much.
  • I also mentioned at the PR that while we have some nice juicy cricket quotes (including one of my favourite about the greatest cricketer ever to draw breath), we are a little lighter on music quotes. There is one on Delius, but nothing on music itself. A suggestion made at the PR was to include his quote about the Magic Flute (it may be obvious that I would approve of this one too!); is it worth adding that? Sarastro1 (talk) 22:36, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your generous comments and suggestions. Brianboulton (talk) 00:24, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

comments

Minor confusions throughout.

  • i think "known as Neville Cardus" is extremely unnecessary, obvious and redundant to article title/infobox. It also makes for a clunky lead sentence. See Mitt Romney.
  • must the Rusholme pic be so filthy? A dumpster is front and centre...
  • writing of Wilfred Rhodes: Autobiography—I found the syntax very confusing. Why not simply "in his autobiography"?
  • Probably not so for other readers, but I automatically assumed the Harty doodle was by Cardus. Could you change the caption to something like "Cardus's lack of deference sometimes led to friction, as with Hamilton Harty (sketch above)"? (Or anything about Cardus and Harty both) Otherwise a glance at the pic and caption gives no indication to its relevance, leading the reader to assume that it must have been created by the article's subject.
    • We used this image as the only public domain one we could find. A photo would have been preferable, but there we are. Perhaps "Anonymous" before the existing wording would remove any confusion about the authorship? Tim riley (talk) 18:01, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • surely there must be a case for a nonfree photograph of Cardus in his youth/prime/middle-age, for identification?
    • I very much doubt it. (Anyone who has taken an article through FA candidacy knows how particular the image experts are on this sort of thing.) It might be more plausible if NC had changed much in appearance over the years, like, e.g. Ravel - bearded in youth and clean shaven later - but NC looked pretty much the same across his decades. Tim riley (talk) 18:01, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • question: is it ok by MoS to refer to well-known musicians and artistes by surname alone on first mention? (Elgar, Gilbert, Blake etc)
  • Books by Cardus—why not just Books? Or Bibliography? the Beatles doesn't have "Discography of the Bealtes"...

Thank you for these comments. I don't think I have ever run across contributions to an FAC by an anonymous editor before. These are very welcome. Tim riley (talk) 18:01, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Added thanks Brianboulton (talk) 19:50, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done

  • Be consistent in whether you use title or date for disambiguating shortened citations to works by the same author
  • Compare FNs 4 and 168
  • FN88: formatting
  • FN114: page formatting
  • FN102: title formatting
  • Sorry, use of double quotes within double quotes
  • Be consistent in how you punctuate shortened citations to more than one work in the same footnote
  • FNs 144 vs 148 was where I noticed it. There's also an issue where two non-consecutive pages are being referred to: "pp. x and p. y" (where x is a single page), which could be either "pp. x and y" or "p. x and p. y" (I see some instances of the latter). Nikkimaria (talk) 01:03, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support: At PR I added a few odds and ends and queried a few things, all sorted to my satisfaction. (There were even whole sections about which I had nothing to say!) I've spent much more time on various other PRs and/or FACs, which indicates to me that a lot of good stuff was put into this enterprise by the co-noms over a long period of time - thanks to them for all the hard work and congratulations on a very meaty article. --GuillaumeTell 22:55, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for this support and for your PR comments, too, which led to many improvements. Tim riley (talk) 01:29, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
My thanks, too. Brianboulton (talk) 11:09, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Image check The lead image is fair use, appropriately so for a man most of whose career was post-1923. All other images seem appropriately licensed or in the public domain and properly tagged.--Wehwalt (talk) 00:39, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, Wehwalt, for that check. Tim riley (talk) 00:55, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 02:01, 23 January 2013 [15].

Laevistrombus canarium

[edit]
Nominator(s): Daniel Cavallari (talk) 22:56, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because I believe that the article is well written and covers all relevant aspects about this species. The article is also well illustrated and adequately referenced. Daniel Cavallari (talk) 22:56, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Daniel, I'd be interested in reviewing this, but in the past day since you've submitted it to FAC, you've made dozens of changes and add several kbs of text. Any idea when you'll be done with your revisions? Sasata (talk) 17:32, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Hey Sasata, long time no see! I know I've made a lot of changes lately. I noticed some critical problems in the article that I had to correct no matter what. But I'm finished now. You may begin the reviewing process if you feel like! It will be a pleasure working with you once more.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 18:25, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Sasata

[edit]

Comments. I've made a list of suggestions below from a relatively quick pass through. Will let you deal with these, and come back later with a more thorough examination, a literature (comprehensiveness) check, and also check reference formatting (unless someone else gets there first). Sasata (talk) 17:41, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

  • link Issel & Canefri in synonymy list
Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 18:28, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
All duplinks have been removed. Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 18:47, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "…similar to that of other strombid snails; the animal" suggest splitting the sentence at the semicolon
Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 18:50, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "L. canarium lives on mud" should avoid starting a paragraph with an abbreviation
Indeed. Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 18:50, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Larvae of this species spend several days in the plankton" shouldn't that be "as plankton"?
You're right. They -are- plankton. Modified as suggested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 18:53, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "…including macaques and humans who consume the soft parts in a wide variety of dishes." needs a tweak, sound like macaques also eat them in a wide variety of dishes
Man, I laughed a lot here! Watch out for those gourmet macaques! I rephrased the sentence, is it better now?--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 19:07, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • don't need to link economically
Ok! Removed.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 19:07, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Taxonomy

  • "The first published depictions of the shell of Laevistrombus canarium appeared in 1684, in the earliest book that was solely about sea shells," this statement is sourced to the original document, but of course this 1684 book could not have said either of these things ("first published description", "earliest book about ...")
Added a reference to support that claim. I think it was there before, but got deleted in one of my edition frenzies...--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 20:47, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 20:47, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The synonyms that are listed in the taxobox" see WP:SELF
Fixed!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "in some cases they may have been misled into thinking they had a different species because of local variations in color and form." There's no citation for this paragraph and, although undoubtedly correct, it sounds like original research
I'm contacting a specialist in the group, Mr. Gijs Kronenberg from NCB Naturalis, Leiden, in order to obtain some references. I'll be able to make things much more clearer soon. I'll update when I have news. --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Updating: The section has been expanded, and several references have been included.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 03:13, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • the subspecies guidoi is mentioned in this section, but we are never told what make it different from the nominate subspecies. Also, the parenthetical reference (Man in 't Veld & De Turck, 1998) isn't very helpful; could you possibly find the actual article and cite it in the regular fashion?
Same as above. More news soon.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Updating: A comparison and proper reference have been provided.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 12:42, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Anatomy

  • "When a normal adult dextral shell of this species is viewed ventrally, and with the anterior end pointing downwards," can the underlined be removed?
Removed!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "from Manual of Conchology (1885)" book titles should be italicized
Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A zig-zag network of darker brown lines is sometimes present on the outside of the shell, but this is considered to be uncommon." why "considered to be" (can this be removed?)
It sure can. Rather odd phrasing, isn't it? Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "a layer of protein (conchiolin) which is the outermost part of the shell surface" which->that; check throughout article for other instances; "which" generally follows a comma
  • "yellowish-brown in color" why not remove "in color"? (check throughout for other instances)
Redundant, indeed. Corrected.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The external anatomy of the soft parts of this species is very similar to that of the other members of the family" "very" is generally a useless modifier/intensifier and may often be removed without affecting the meaning; check article throughout for other instances
Fixed throughout.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "having at the tips well developed lens eyes." hyphen needed in well-developed
Corrected!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "mitochondrial cytochrome-c oxidase I (COI)" no need to define abbreviations if they aren't used later
Perfectly. Removed!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Distribution

  • formatting needs tweaking: remove line break after the colon; semicolon should be converted to period. But more generally, this section is listy and lacks flow. Any chance of a range map?
Did some tweaks. I can add more text to improve the flow, I'll see what I can do. About the map, could I draw something based on Poutiers (1998), reference number [1]? There's a very decent range map in that book, but I'm worried about copyright issues.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:36, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Invertzoo did several improvements to this section. Please, verify! Also, I drew a map myself, and added to the article as requested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:36, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Much better, thanks. Sasata (talk) 05:15, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Behavior

  • "first described by the American zoologist George Howard Parker (1864–1955)[16] in 1922." including his birth/death years is unnecessary detail
Agreed, and removed!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:36, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Ecology

  • "though this may not be an absolute rule." may not be or is not?
Is not, the reference is much clearer in that matter. Its just that I doubted it myself, but that would be OR, so... Fixed.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:36, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "from shallow waters to 55 m (180 ft) depths." needs hyphen because its adjectival
Rephrased. Is it better now?--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:36, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "… is one of the known predators of the dog conch" replace "one of the known" with "a"?
Agreed. Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:36, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Human uses

  • "Studies indicate that L. canarium has been overexploited and overfished recently in many areas," when is recently?
Added that info and rephrased the statement.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 02:00, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think that a structural diagram of TBT would be better than a spacefill; who other than chemists will know, for example, that the red ball is oxygen and the gray balls are tin?
Hmm, I had not thought of that. When I looked at this 3D model, I thought "man, this is much more beautiful to look at." But the most beautiful is not always the most didactic. What you say makes sense. Changed as suggested!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 02:00, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The imposex phenomenon, which consists in the development of masculine sexual organs in female specimens" grammar needs fixing
Did some tweaks. Is it better now?--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 02:00, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "but couldn't detect" shouldn't use contractions in formal prose
Fixed!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 02:00, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't understand how, if the effect of organotin compounds on this species is low, it could be used as a bioindicator for pollution. In my understanding, a chemical has to have a large effect on a species for that species to be useful in this way.
I believe the author (Cob) is referring to the impact of tin compounds in populations, not the species itself. He means that such compounds are not sterility inductors in the studied populations. The compounds affect females, causing abnormal development of a penis, but they do not bring any negative effect beyond that. They continue to reproduce normally, perpetuating local populations. Still, if the females develop a penis due to the presence of TBT, the species is a good bioindicator. Should I rephrase the text to make it clearer?--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 18:22, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Yes please. Sasata (talk) 18:27, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I rewrote everything. Is it better like this? --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 02:49, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I was bold and took the liberty of working on that section to try to make it much clearer, as it is making an important point. I think it is better now? Invertzoo (talk) 20:44, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, it reads well now. Sasata (talk) 05:15, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Looks like much has changed since I was here last! I'll be back soon with a re-review, but in the meantime, here's some suggestions from a lit search:
We are attempting to work on all of these four new leads. Invertzoo (talk) 01:44, 11 January 2013 (UTC) [reply]
  • according to the abstract of Raven, Han (2002). "Notes on molluscs from NW Borneo. 1. Stromboidea (Gastropoda, Strombidae, Rostellariidae, Seraphidae)" Vita Malacologica 1:3–32, "Additional evidence is provided for the distinction of Laevistrombus canarium and L. turturella as separate species" suggesting that someone at some time thought they were perhaps conspecific? But neither this, nor its distinction from L. turturella is not discussed in the article.
We have added at least some discussion of this topic now. Invertzoo (talk) 17:21, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I get the impression from the abstract of Dekkers, Aart M. (2008). "Revision of the family Strombidae (Gastropoda) on the supra specific level, part one" Kreukel (Amsterdam) 44 (3-4): 35–64, that L. canaries was designated the type species of a new subtribe Canariini, but this is not discussed (or mentioned) in the article.
This reference is pretty much obscure, and -very- hard to get. I couldn't find any issue online, nor could I find this in the institutional library here at the museum, which is the best library when it comes to zoology in South America... I don't know if I'll be able to include this info. In any case, I'll check The Zoological Record for any citations on Canariini. I'll also try to contact the author. I'll see what we can get.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 15:07, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I am contacting another Dutch malacologist to see if I can get more info on the Dekkers "De Kreukel" publication. Invertzoo (talk) 22:49, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
We got some more info on that paper. The Dekkers publication appears to have been faulty in several respects, not at all in line with ICZN guidelines for a new taxon of this kind, so the designation of the subtribe Canariini appears not to be valid. Perhaps it is more appropriate to just ignore the paper? Invertzoo (talk) 20:00, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
That's fine with me, I trust your editorial judgment; thanks for researching this. Sasata (talk) 05:15, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • any luck finding out about subspecies guido? I have the article citation, if that helps at all.
Actually, yes. Added a comparison plus reference to the article.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:41, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • there may be more distribution information not convered in the article available here: Subba Rao, N. V. (1970). "On the collection of Strombidae (Mollusca: Gastropoda) from Bay of Bengal, Arabian Sea, and western Indian Ocean with some new records. 1. Genus-Strombus" J Mar Biol Ass India 12:109–124. Sasata (talk) 01:58, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Reference number 13 had a lot of info on distribution, and I put everything there! Also, I requested a copy of Subba Rao's article and it is being transferred to my institution from another library (I *love* our library here at MZUSP). I'll get my hands on it soon, and it will be included as well. --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 02:06, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Updating: I found a more recent paper by Subba Rao. It had interesting info on distribution in India, so I felt like adding it as well =)! Please verify. --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 13:01, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I agree with Snek about including citations for the synonyms; even if these aren't discussed in the article text, you can add citations beside the synonyms in the taxobox. Many of these older sources are available online to be linked directly, which would make it an even more valuable information resource for readers.
Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 13:12, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "including burrowing and a characteristic leaping form of locomotion. The former behaviour" should this be latter behaviour?
It refers to the burrowing, so I believe it is correct.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 11:55, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Laevistrombus canarium lives on mud and sandy bottoms" mud->muddy?
Fixed!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 11:55, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and several studies indicate that it may be suffering population declines due to overfishing and overexploitation.[4][5]" is this fact so controversial that it needs to be cited in the lead?
It's not... Removed.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 11:55, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • could you give a link to Linnaeus's prologue
Added as suggested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 11:55, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • link subgenus
Modified as suggested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 11:55, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • give full name of Kira on first mention (to be consistent with others that are given full names); same with Biler & Petit (also, change & to "and"), Abbot, Sepkoski, Man In 'T Veld & Turck, Cob
Done.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 15:10, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 11:55, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "L. canarium comprises" don't start paragraph with abbreviation
Fixed!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 11:55, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "a more strongly posteriorly protruding outer lip" sounds odd… does "a more strongly protruding posterior outer lip" work?
Hmm I don't think so. You see, a "posterior outer lip" would indicate a structure that doesn't exist, technically speaking. The outer lip itself protrudes to the posterior direction.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 11:55, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, but that particular combination of words still bugs me ... I think it's the consecutive -ly words that's the problem. Can we replace "strongly" with "prominent" or "conspicuous"? Sasata (talk) 04:11, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Good idea! =) Modified as suggested. It's mutch better like this. --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 09:22, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • link common name
Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 11:55, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Laevistrombus canarium has a heavy shell, with a rounded outline." comma necessary?
Removed.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 11:55, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • varices, conoidal, callus -> undefined jargon
Linked and/or clarified as required.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "more frequently it is paler" paler than what? the top?
Than the top, yes. Clarified this in the text.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "is yellowish-brown in L. canarium."
Modified as suggested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and fimbriated (fringed) over the suture in this species."
Modified as suggested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "perform the leaping form of locomotion which is also" which->that
Modified as suggested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 2006, Latiolais et al." I think "and colleagues" is more reader-friendly for a general encyclopedia article
Ok! Modified.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "unusual means of locomotion which is common" which->that
Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Then it extends its foot forward, lifting the shell and throwing it ahead in a motion which has been described as "leaping"." throwing->throws; which->that
Modified as suggested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • link seagrass
It is aleady linked in the ecology section, I believe.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In common with other Strombidae Laevistrombus canaries" comma after Strombidae
Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After internal fertilization the female of L. canarium produces" ; I think you could trim a few more mentions of the species in this section, where it is unambiguous which species is being referred to.
Modified as suggested. Please verify!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "L. canarium larvae have faster development when compared to other species" how about "L. canarium larvae develop faster compared to other species"
Good one! Modified as suggested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Studies from 2008 indicate" Studies plural or singular? (only one source is cited)
Hmmm you're right. Fixed.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • link sexual maturity
Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "at a lower shell length" lower->shorter?
It's shorter, actually. Fixed. --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:06, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Individuals are usually considered to be adult by the time the outer lip of their shell is noticeably thickened and flared; growth to adult size usually takes about a year." why "usually"? Does the source also indicate this doubt? Perhaps the second instance can simply be removed, as "takes about a year" already suggests an approximate time frame?
Removed both instances.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:13, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • link staple food
Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:13, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Sure, why not?--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:13, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "smaller individuals which have not yet reproduced." which->that
Done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:13, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • link biocidal, fouling
Done, and done!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:13, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't think it's necessary to add citations for TBT causing gastropod imposex in the figure caption (this just duplicates nearby material that's already sourced.)
Very well, then. Removed as suggested. --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 18:52, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reference nitpicks:
  • Romae->Rome
Fixed.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 14:13, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ref#13 has a 560-page range; could you give a specific page citation?
Did just that, and also got it linked.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 15:31, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • publisher/location for ref#17?
Fixed.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 15:32, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref#23 missing issue#
You mean Subba Rao's article? It does have an issue number, but not a volume.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 15:36, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref#24 is available online here
Nice one! Linked.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 15:36, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • fix double period in ref#26 (easiest to do by removing "Inc.", per here: "Corporate designations such as "Ltd", "Inc" or "GmbH" are not usually included.")
Removed as suggested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:14, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "biogeorgraphy" fix
Fixed!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:14, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Journal of Applied Sciences (Asian Network for Scientific Information)" is the parenthetical part the publisher? If so, not required for a journal citation. Same with "Advance Journal of Food Science and Technology (Maxwell Scientific Organization)"
Done.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:14, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I see a few more unnecessary publisher/publisher locations in the journal citations ... please remove
Now it's really done.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 22:21, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • ref #39 is missing the issue#, and since the linked title only leads to an abstract, this should be indicated in the "format=" parameter of the citation template
Fixed.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:14, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • there's some inconsistency with the use of title case or sentence case for book titles; please audit throughout
Did just that. Please verify! --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:14, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Annali del Museo Civico di Storia Naturale di Genova (1876) is available here, but I can't find the article cited. Also, specify the language.
Oops! My bad. The pages were wrong. Info is correct now.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 18:46, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support – Ok, I think I've exhausted my repertoire of suggestions/nitpicks, and am happy to support the article for FAC promotion now. Sasata (talk) 15:12, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Cwmhiraeth

[edit]

Support Comments from Cwmhiraeth

In general this seems a well-written and thorough article. A few points I noticed:- Cwmhiraeth (talk) 09:43, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Hey Cwmhiraeth! Thank you for participating in this review process!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 22:14, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • A double "from" in the second sentence.
Thank you for noticing. Fixed! --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 22:14, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • A reference is needed for Lamarck's view that the snails were carnivorous.
This claim is from Parker, 1922. Added the reference to make it clearer! --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 22:14, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "This includes the crab-eating macaque" - should be "these include".
Corrected.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 22:14, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • There is excessive use of "exploitation" and "overexploitation" in the Human uses and conservation measures section.
Did some rephrasing, I hope it's better this way!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 11:44, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • That's fine. Looking at the reference section I can see that there is a lack of consistency as to formatting. For example
  • current refs 27 & 28 and many others are differently cited with regard to using an "&"
Removed all ampersands. Please, let me know if you see any that escaped my eagle eyes (which are myopic)!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:58, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • 9 & 15 - date of retrieval
Fixed both instances.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:58, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • 10 has pp. when it should have p.
This is referring to the total number of pages in the book and not to the specific page from which the information was taken. Is it really necessary to modify this?--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:58, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • 31 & 32 have "et al" and should have full author names
Fixed all instances!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:58, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • There is a lack of consistency as to the capitalisation of the titles of journal articles
Could you show me some examples? I'm having trouble visualizing this problem!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:58, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Metamorphosis Induction of the Dog Conch Strombus canarium (Gastropoda: Strombidae) Using Cues Associated with Conch Nursery Habitat" is differently capitalised from "A molecular phylogenetic analysis of strombid gastropod morphological diversity" Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:03, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, I see what you mean. Thank you! I believe it's fixed now! --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 13:20, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I was told that if you have a doi number for a paper then an url is redundant
If this is not an imposition of the manual of style, I'd like to keep the links. Facilitating access to information is always a good policy. Not everyone may know that detail about the DOI after all.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:26, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Jimfbleak

[edit]

Support Comments from Jim I'm a bit torn by this one, obviously a lot of work had gone into it and you've done well to find so many free sources. But I have some issues Jimfbleak - talk to me? 08:50, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • You have written the article in AE. This species does not occur in North America, and several countries within its range (India, Sri lanka, Fiji and Australia at least) use BE. It's an inappropriate variety of English.
I went through just now trying to change over all of the US spellings to UK spellings, however I have lived in the US for almost 40 years and have forgotten some of the UK usage. Invertzoo (talk) 21:05, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I did some changes too, but I'm not a native speaker. Would you be so kind as to point out more deviations from BrE in the text in case you find them? Spotting them is very hard to me! --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:54, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Excellent, thank you so much Jimfbleak! Invertzoo (talk) 23:29, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • antique books dating from the late 17th century—as opposed to new books dating from the late 17th century?
Ooops! Fixed that. Invertzoo (talk) 21:05, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sri-Lanka—why the hyphen? I've never seen this, even in that country
I changed the two mentions to Sri Lanka. Invertzoo (talk) 21:09, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • This can be translated as Strombus (S.) with a shell (testae) having a retuse (retuso), short (brevi), rounded (rotundato) lip (labro), and (-que) a smooth (laevi) spire (spira).—this is ridiculous, just give the translation as you did with the publication title above it, if anyone thinks you have mistranslated, they will soon tell you (FWIW, I'm happy with your translation)
I cleaned up the translated sentence according to your suggestion. Invertzoo (talk) 00:26, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The distribution would be greatly aided by a map
Reviewer Sasata noticed the same thing, but he didn't answer my reply. Perhaps you could aid me here. Could I draw something based on Poutiers (1998), reference number [1]? There's a very decent range map in that book, but I'm worried about copyright issues.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:58, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
My normal practice is to draw a freehand version of a published map, so that it's based on, but not an exact copy. These ranges are usually so approximate, you aren't losing anything in accuracy anyway. Jimfbleak - talk to me? 07:55, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I drew a map of the distribution myself, based on reference 1, and added to the article as requested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:36, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Your new map looks great Daniel, however, it shows only the central part of the dog conch's distribution range, which is said to reach from India and Sri Lanka to southern Japan. Is there any chance of creating a much "fuzzier" but more global map, maybe like this one for the map cowry? Or is that not allowable under the rules, because it would be a Synthesis or sort of OR, because we have no detailed info on where in India the species occurs? Invertzoo (talk) 14:38, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I thought so myself, but I'm afraid that would be OR. Poutier's map is the only one available in the literature, and though it is certainly not absolutely precise, he took into account the depth ranges when he drew it, so it does have a scientific basis. If we tried to draw a map based on what is written, without taking into account the depth intervals where the species possibly occurs, we would be disseminating false and inaccurate information. I think the current map is the best we can do without OR!--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 15:13, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I know you have reffed the synonyms in the taxobox, but it wouldn't do any harm to repeat at end of para beginning The synonyms...
Modified as suggested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 00:29, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the Malay Peninsula, this species is known by the Malay common names siput gonggong and gong-gong; "siput" means snail and "gonggong" means a dog's bark or howl—unless you explain the relevance of this, it's just a random factoid.
I tried to add a little more to this to clarify, but probably am not yet making it clear: Linnaeus gave the species a Latin name meaning dog; the common English name is "dog conch"; even the Malays call it "dog snail" or just plain "dog". Obviously something about this snail or shell reminds people of a dog. (I would assume that is because the shape of the shell is very like the shape of a dog's head, but that would be OR and I can't find any ref to back that up.) Invertzoo (talk) 00:26, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
OK, leave as is, see if any one else has an issue Jimfbleak - talk to me? 07:55, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Regions and countries—I can't see any countries in the list. Also, why are we given excessive detail on the Malaysian distribution, whereas elsewhere the distribution is just "India" or "Northern Australia". Again, a map would help.
I tried to re-work this section but it might still need work. Invertzoo (talk) 15:36, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
A map of the distribution has been added to the article as requested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 21:36, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • common dishes, such as soups, cutlets, noodles, curry, and chilli.—very vague, aren't there any named dishes that contain this mollusc?
I checked the ref for this and the recipes listed in it are, I think, suggestions for regular Indian seafood dishes but using dog conch meat instead of whatever the local most desirable seafood item would be. The ref unfortunately does not give the Indian names of the dishes, only simple English names such as "dog conch curry" and so on. I have tried to change this sentence a little, hope this is better? Invertzoo (talk) 14:40, 4 January 2013 (UTC) [reply]

:*I checked for links repeated in the main text, excluding the lead and captions, the only one is "imposex" in the final paragraph

Apologies, that was my fault; I fixed it. Invertzoo (talk) 20:39, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Kohn, A. J.; Waters. V. (1966). "Escape responses of three herbivorous gastropods to the predatory gastropod Conus textile"—the "link" goes to an abstract on a sales page. I strongly disagree with these spam links, having to have a doi is bad enough. There may be others, but I haven't looked yet.
I've replaced the link. The current one doesn't look to be a salespage, or so I think. If it can't be mantained at all, please tell me and I'll remove it.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 10:20, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll probably have another read when I've seen your responses, Jimfbleak - talk to me? 08:50, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Jim! Thank you for your comments. I'll answer each one after I get back from my vacation by the end of the week. Best wishes, --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 12:16, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I am trying to help out a little bit too, hope I am not getting in the way. Invertzoo (talk) 00:26, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I'm close to supporting now, but there are still a couple of issues outstanding, and I'd like to read through again anyway Jimfbleak - talk to me? 07:55, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Changed to support above Jimfbleak - talk to me? 14:28, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Image check

[edit]

Image check - all OK (own work, PD age, PD 1923). Sources and authors provided. GermanJoe (talk) 09:50, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Review by SandyGeorgia

[edit]

nope, I popped down mid-article, for a random check, and found:

  • run-on and some sort of punctuation problem: Regions and countries where this species has been recorded include: Tanjung Adang Shoal, Merambong Shoal, Tanjung Bin, Tanjung Surat and Pasir Gogok in the Johor Straits; Records also include Pulau Tinggi, Pulau Besar and Pulau Sibu, Port Dickson and Teluk Kemang in eastern Johor and Negeri Sembilan, as well as Pulau Pangkor, Pulau Langkawi, Cape Rachado, Kilat, and western Johor Straits.
I have just now worked on this section trying to get it into a lot better shape, but Daniel, if you are back, I think you should check to see if the Malaysian locations are in a logical order, as they may possibly not be. Invertzoo (talk) 14:07, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • repetitive, first, first: ... first described by the American zoologist George Howard Parker in 1922. The animal first fixes ...
I did some rephrasing. I trust the section is less repetitive now? --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 22:03, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • can't sort this: In the case of L. canarium, the perception of a predator can occur either chemically or by vision, which is well-developed in strombid gastropods. Chemically or visually? What is well-developed, vision, or the perception of a predator?
I did some rephrasing. Is it clearer now? I also noticed that there was no reference to support the claim that "vision is well developed in strombid gastropods", so I added one.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 22:17, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Independent copyedit would be helpful here. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 20:58, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hi there SandyGeorgia! Thank you for participating in this review. --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 22:03, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Who can we ask in order to get an independent copyedit I wonder? Invertzoo (talk) 15:36, 5 January 2013 (UTC) I have put in a request at the Guild of Copy Editors for someone to look over the article. Invertzoo (talk) 15:52, 6 January 2013 (UTC) [reply]
Working Miniapolis (talk) 17:32, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
A lot of this is significant improvement (like getting rid of the WP:MOSDATE#Precise language problems), but I'm not sure about one change to the first sentence. Originally it said:
  • Laevistrombus canarium, commonly known as the dog conch and better known under the synonym Strombus canarium,
and it now says:
  • Laevistrombus canarium (commonly known as the dog conch or by its synonym, Strombus canarium)
  1. Synonym is redundant, but it's still there.
  2. Strombus canarium should be bolded and italicized, since it's a synonym.
    It's bolded now. Invertzoo (talk) 19:18, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  3. More importantly, I'm concerned that the edit changed the meaning; that it is better known as a specific term has been lost in the new version.
  4. I'm unsure if the parentheses are helpful.
SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:02, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
You raise some interesting points SandyGeorgia, but I find I can't really decide what is the clearest and most accurate way to word this part of the first sentence. For what it's worth, I blue linked the word synonym, because if we retain the word, I want to make it clear that this is being used in the taxonomic sense. Invertzoo (talk) 21:44, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Please feel free to revert any changes you're uncomfortable with. I'm a native-speaker, seat-of-the-pants copy editor who uses a lifetime of reading (and the MOS) to weigh what works best. I use parentheses (judiciously) to improve the flow of a sentence that may be a bit choppy from many commas. All the best, Miniapolis (talk) 03:12, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I believe you're doing an excellent job, Miniapolis! --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 09:50, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you Miniapolis for your copyediting work on the whole article; overall you are tightening up the prose so it flows better, and making the prose clearer and easier to understand. Invertzoo (talk) 13:44, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks; I wasn't fishing for compliments—just wanted to remind Sandy that we're all doing our best :-). Miniapolis (talk) 15:09, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
As I indicated above-- a significant improvement (I only questioned one phrase, now fixed :) I've struck my nope, although it wasn't really a full oppose anyway-- just an indication that this article wasn't yet there, in spite of having support. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 01:26, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Snek01

[edit]

Support. --Snek01 (talk) 23:28, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Laevistrombus canarium article related comments:

  • Full reference for Kira T. (1955). Coloured Illustrations of the Shells of Japan would be fine.
Good Idea! I have added a full reference as suggested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 19:03, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • There is no need to have the image of the cone smaller than other thumb size images. I think that a thumb size is a standard.
Changed cone snail image to normal size. Invertzoo (talk) 22:15, 14 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The cladogram can be normally updated. Mainly its names should be updated to Laevistrombus canarium, Canarium maculatum, and so on. If it would be useful to keep the old cladogram for any reason, then there can be updated cladogram next to the original one. (If the cladogram is difficult, then there can be practical also to include genera sometimes.)
This is complicated... If we did, we would be altering the cladogram originally depicted by Latiolais, even if the names are synonyms... This could be considered OR, so I'd like to avoid controversy. --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 19:03, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Modified as suggested! --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:29, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The following comments are for this and/or for future gastropod-related feature candidates:

  • I think, that there should be always a reference for the species authority as a standard. (There should be a ref behind the (Linnaeus, 1758) in this case.)
It has been included in the taxobox (synonyms).--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:28, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • There would be very good to include also references, where is synonyms were described. For example the full reference for "Quoy & Gaimard, 1834" and so on. There is no need to have always all references for all synonyms, but it is very practical for readers.
Modified as suggested.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:28, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The size of the text of the cladogram should be normal text size.
I tried to do this, but the page view got horribly broken in all of my browsers... The layout got completely ruined! If the names in the current cladogram aren't too hard to read, I'd like to keep it as it is...--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:28, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think, that the section should be named "Taxonomy" to be simple and more compatible with other gastropod-related articles.
This could be arranged, but what about the common names? Where would this info be transferred to?--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:28, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Perhaps the Human uses section? --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 18:06, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Moreover, I think, that the whole "Phylogeny" section can be merged with the "Taxonomy" section.
I understand your concern, but the taxonomy section has been greatly expanded since the beginning of the review. Info could receive less attention if immersed in the bulk of the current text. Moreover the subjects aren't necessarily related... I'd prefer to keep things where they are, unless someone else thinks the change is necessary.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:28, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the "shell description" section there should be few images of a shell as a standard. In this case I would expect at least the following three images: apertural, apical, umbilical and/or abapertural.
I've included a pictue in he taxobox that displays all requested views.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:28, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link to Wikimedia Commons would be always fine.
I have added a Commons link in the external links section. — Ganeshk (talk) 15:15, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

--Snek01 (talk) 23:28, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate notes

  • Your first FAC, Daniel? If so, welcome. I'd like to see a spotcheck of sources for accuracy and avoidance of close paraphrasing before this is closed, perhaps one of the reviewers above can action...
Yes, my very first FAC! It's also the first for project Gastropods, I think. Thank you for the warm welcome. The review is a hard process, but a very constructive one. It's fantastic to notice how much the article has improved since the beginning.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 12:30, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed the lead. Do you think it's necessary to specify the year in the 1st sentence of the 2nd paragraph of the Human uses section? The year is specified later in the same paragraph, so I didn't think it was necessary =)! --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 12:30, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Spotchecks by Sasata (talk) 16:50, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Article: "The currently accepted combination, Laevistrombus canarium, was proposed by Sepkoski (2002), who elevated Laevistrombus to genus level based on palaeontological data.[14]"
Source in tabular format: "Laveistrombus T (Mi-U) -R" which means fossils have been found from the Tertiary, upper Miocene, and its last appearance is recent (Holocene); verified.
Article: "However, when Zaidi Che Cob reviewed a number of Strombus species in 2009, examining both shell characters and anatomical data including details of the genitalia, operculum and radula, he concluded that L. turturella was simply a morphotype, and therefore a synonym of L. canaries.[6]"
All parts of sentence verified.
Article: "…, which is considerably thickened and completely devoid of marginal spikes or plicae. The body whorl is roundly swollen at the shoulder, with a few anterior spiral grooves. The shell has a medium-to-high cone-shaped spire, with at least five delicately furrowed whorls.[6]"
Source: "The shell generally solid, heavy, globose, with smooth texture." … "Last whorl (body whorl) roundly swollen at shoulder." … "Spire with at least five whorls" facts verified and adequately paraphrased (IMO).
Article: "The escape response in gastropods—the perception of stimuli (for example, the presence of a predator nearby) and a subsequent escape motion—is a frequent target of behavioural studies.[27]"
Article: "The presence of a predator can significantly alter the movement pattern of L. canarium, inducing an increase in the frequency of leaps.[27]"
Both sentences verified in source.
Article: "The dog conch can be found in littoral and sublittoral zones, from shallow water to a depth of 55 m (180 ft).[1]"
Source: "Littoral and sublittoral zones, from low tide levels to a depth of about 55 m." facts verified; structure is close, but as a single isolated sentence I think it's ok.
Article: "The siphonal canal itself is straight, short and ample; the columella is smooth, without any folds.[1]"
Source: "Siphonal canal short and broad, straightish." … "Columella and outer lip of aperture smooth." -> verified
Article: "The dog conch is also preyed upon by vertebrates. These include the crab-eating macaque, Macaca fascicularis, an opportunistic predator that scours intertidal environments.[35]"
Source: "Long-tailed macaques are a highly adaptable, omnivorous species that inhabits a wide variety of environments and opportunistically utilizes the food resources available." … "Here the intertidal habitats have become a major foraging ground for these macaques, where they feed on marine prey throughout the year." The Dog Conch is later listed in a table of food items used by the macaque -> facts verified
Article: "Metamorphosis in L. canarium can be recognised by loss of the larval velar lobes and the typical leaping motion of juvenile true conches.[19]"
Source: "Metamorphosis in S. canarium was recognized when the velar lobes were lost (shed), and juvenile conchs began to crawl with their propodium…" and "the onset of competence in S. gigas was first recognized as an ontogenetic change in locomotory behavior, which was also true for the currently studied species. Larvae shifted from swimming to a swimming and crawling mode, using the propodium and adult opercular claw to glide or leap across the substrate surface" Assuming that the "onset of competence" is equivalent to "metamorphosis", then I think this is verified. However, the article sentence needs to be tweaked, because as currently written, it could be interpreted as saying that the loss of the leaping motion is indicative of larval metamorphosis.
Hmmmm makes sense. I rephrased that part, please verify! --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:25, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Looks fine now. Sasata (talk) 18:22, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Article: "Dog conches are considered rare in Singapore, probably as a result of unsustainable harvesting.[39]"
Source: Fails verification: I don't see where it says explicitly, or even implies that it is rare in Singapore.
It is an online source. The information probably changed with time. I couldn't find any other ref that states the same, so I'm suppressing the whole sentence.--Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:10, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Article: "The ability of the dog conch to survive despite imposex makes this species a suitable bioindicator of organotin pollution.[43]"
Source: "S. canarium can be a good indicator for monitoring of organotin pollution within the study area." Mostly verified, but the study's conclusion about the general applicability of the Dog Conch for biomonitoring is more restrictive ("… within the study area.")
I rephrased the claim to make it more restrict, following Cob. Is it correct now? --Daniel Cavallari (talk) 17:25, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Ok! Sasata (talk) 18:22, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 15:44, 22 January 2013 [16].

Lady Saigō

[edit]
Nominator(s): Boneyard90 (talk) 09:02, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because I have been the primary contributor to the article since its creation, improvements have been made since it was promoted to GA, and it has been very stable. Boneyard90 (talk) 09:02, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support on prose per standard disclaimer. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 01:00, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'm on Firefox now so it's difficult to quickly find and eliminate them, but her name is spelled inconsistently. Macrons should probably be added throughout, as well as to "Houdai-in". Once this is done, support. elvenscout742 (talk) 15:23, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"Saigo" to "Saigō": Done.Boneyard90 (talk) 15:45, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
On the issue of Houdai-in, I hesitate to make the proposed change with a macron ("Hōdai-in"?). Based on the Houdai-in website address, it would seem that "Houdai" is the accepted transliteration. Boneyard90 (talk) 15:47, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Wikipedia prefers macrons over us and hs and so on. The url isn't really a reliable source anyway; the whole website is in Japanese, and even the English copyright notice at the bottom gives the name in kanji as 宝台院. WP:MOSJ says we should spell it the way reliable English sources (the ones used in the article?) spell it, but honestly internal consistency makes me think we should use a macron for all long os in the article if we use it in the title. elvenscout742 (talk) 16:36, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
You understand, it's not really my own opinion or position on "macros vs. no macrons" that I'm putting forward, so much as just accuracy to sources. I would think that the url address is an accurate reflection of what the temple calls itself. For the moment, I'll look through English sources, and see if they even mention the temple, or her posthumous name. Boneyard90 (talk) 16:41, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
FWIW, here are the Google ngrams. - Dank (push to talk) 17:09, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Also found the following:
Oh of course, I did not mean to imply that you didn't understand the policy or anything of the sort. I meant that since the site is entirely in Japanese, it doesn't seem to count as a reliable source on the spelling. If they could use kanji in their URL it seems they would (see the copyright notice I already mentioned). No URL has a macron in it anyway; it seems just as likely that the URL has "houdaiin" solely because those are the keys on a keyboard that one uses to type 宝台院. This seems to be a case where there is a lack of reliable sources in English, and so I think we should default to the standard Hepburn romanization. elvenscout742 (talk) 07:28, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Done: "Houdai-in" to "Hōdai-in". Boneyard90 (talk) 10:23, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Images: several images need US-compatible licences. For pre-1700 images, I suggest adding the PD-Art parameter as PD-100. Where there is no PD-ART tag, either use a) PD-100, or b) PD-OLD and PD-1923. Grandiose (me, talk, contribs) 23:13, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, most of that is a bit over my head at the moment. You'll have to give me some time to figure out what I need to do. Boneyard90 (talk) 03:00, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I've corrected them for you, please take a look so you know next time :) Essentially I upgraded pd-70 to pd-100.
  • Could you translate or obtain a translation of the source information of File:Tokugawa Ieyasu2.JPG please
  • PD-art requires some explanation. If you take the lead image which you uploaded (File:Saigo-no-Tsubone2.JPG), two thinks went into the work. Firstly, someone painted (or drew) it. Secondly, someone came along and photographed it. As regards the first person (the "underlying work" referred to in the template), PD-100 is sufficient. Then we have to consider the second person. If that person is not you (say you got it from the Internet) then PD-ART explains why we don't need that person's permission: we assert they have no rights. That only works for the US, which is what's important to us, but not (necessarily) for re-users in other countries. For that reason, if the uploader is the photographer it is easier to create a couple of headings: "Underlying work" with a PD-100 template, and Photograph with a PD-SELF licence. You could use another licence for yourself, but that would only work in regards to your copyright over the image in other countries. For clarity, PD-SELF is easy and clean, and most uploaders do not consider themselves to have copyright in a "natural" sort of a way, so that's why I suggest it.

Grandiose (me, talk, contribs) 17:24, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

First, thanks for the help! I get bogged down in the different copyrights.
Done: Translation of image information.
On the photo File:Saigo-no-Tsubone2.JPG: Yes, I took the photograph. I'll work on making the changes.Boneyard90 (talk) 17:50, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Done: Added PD-User to File:Saigo-no-Tsubone2.JPG. Boneyard90 (talk) 18:39, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done

  • Be consistent in how you format page notations - ranges should consistently use endashes, check inclusion of periods, abbreviation of ranges
  • FN1: why no page number?
  • Be consistent in whether you include publisher locations
  • Check for template glitches like doubled periods
  • Publisher for Zenkoku? Nikkimaria (talk) 03:39, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Done: Consistency of endashes, periods, and abbreviations checked &/or corrected.Boneyard90 (talk) 19:09, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • On FN1: There is no page number because it's an online article without pages. Although the biblio listing is linked to the article, I went ahead and added the url to the in-line citation.Boneyard90 (talk) 19:13, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Done: Added publisher locations to all book listings in the Bibliography.
    • Done: Double periods found & corrected.
    • On Zenkoku: The publisher is there: "Yamagawa Publishers". However, I added the word "Volume" before "B" for visual clarification. And also every other listing that had a volume. Boneyard90 (talk) 19:39, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Spotchecks

  • Ref 1 - first instance doesn't seem to discuss the content preceding it; second instance substantiated
First instance based on two sections:
(1) "between those of noble birth who were allowed to enter the presence of the shogun and those below, who throughout their entire careers would never see him." - mention of woman's position in relation to master of the house (the shogun, in this case).
(2) Discussion of layout of apartments, from wife's, to child bearing women, to other consorts: "Plans of the palace show that it was divided into three sections: the wing where the shogun’s wife had her apartments...Only the highest-ranking ladies and those who succeeded in bearing the shogun’s child had their own rooms. The rest had to share."
However, I will insert another source. Boneyard90 (talk) 23:36, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Additional source added. Boneyard90 (talk) 23:59, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ref 3 - doesn't explain meaning of term Saigō-no-Tsubone
    • Ref 3 (now Ref 4) provides an example translation of a similar name: the name "Kasuga no Tsubone" is made synonymous with "Lady Fuku". I felt that the translation of "tsubone" as "Lady" needed some precedent in the literature. Boneyard90 (talk) 00:04, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ref 43 - doesn't seem to support info about Sunpu castle.
    • I can remove the specific reference to Sunpu. This was supposed to be a transition sentence. By 1603, he unified Japan and was named shogun, that is supported by sources, no problem. Therefore, as shogun, just about everything that could be his, was his; which by extension included Sunpu Castle. However, I can remove that phrase. Let me know. Boneyard90 (talk) 00:31, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ref 48 - substantiated
  • Ref 52 - doesn't seem to mention the names Okiko or Meisho
    • Last line before heading CX (110): "...(1629), le Dairi renonca au trone en faveur de sa fille Kid si."
    • First line of Chapter 110: "Mei sio in ...nommée Kid si... avant son avenement au trone, etait fille du Dairi Go Midzou o-no in". The name Mei sio in, in which -in = honorific, is written here as "Meisho". Actually, the whole section is about Empress Meisho, or Dairi Mei Sio In.
    • However, I can and will now add an English-language source.Boneyard90 (talk) 00:43, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

These are the only sources I can check as the rest are in Japanese or not online, but I'm a bit concerned at this point that the sources in general may not be accurately used to reference the article content. Lemurbaby (talk) 21:33, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I hope I have adequately explained my use of references, or the additional references provide adequate clarification. Boneyard90 (talk) 00:57, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Support - I understand how tricky it can be, pulling together bits and pieces when sources are historic or the figure is not well covered (like my FAC on Rakoto Frah). This makes more sense now. Really nice work on an important historic and non-Western topic. Once you've addressed all the issues raised by other reviewers, you have my support. Lemurbaby (talk) 07:37, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for your help! Boneyard90 (talk) 15:16, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Crisco 1492

Addressed comments from Crisco 1492 moved to talk

Comments I don't know as much about this era of Japanese history as I'd like to, so I can't comment on the accuracy of the article. However, it all looks pretty good. My comments are pretty minor:

  • As the 'name' section states that "Although details of position and nuance produce exacting interpretations of the three terms, any of them can be translated to the English title "Lady"", I think that it would be helpful to explain why she's called "Lady Saigō" by English-language writers (presumably the term was selected as the closest English equivalent, even if it is not strictly correct, or was a mistake by an early translator which has stuck)
    • At the moment, the best answer is "when she was named first consort of Tokugawa Ieyasu, the title "tsubone"... was appended to the surname", and further down it says, "she was accepted as the first consort of Ieyasu.[7][25] Based on this relationship... she became known by the respectful title of Saigō-no-Tsubone." I might have gone into too much explanation in the Name section, but I wanted to preempt the possibility of detailed debates over translation (which never materialized). But, I will begin looking for other sources that provide a better "why" behind the title. Boneyard90 (talk) 01:23, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • I've added more explanation on the significance of tsubone, with references, in the Name section. Boneyard90 (talk) 17:59, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • That looks good to me, but you could chop the sentence which begins with 'Translated directly, the term' as this is pretty clear from the previous sentence (also, it's not directly referenced, though the preceding references pretty much cover it ;) ) Nick-D (talk) 10:45, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • Done. I added it as sort of a summary of the previous paragraph, and to answer editors like Arius1998 (see below) who run the kanji through Google-Translate or something; and also to preempt readers who like to add their own "literal" translations of varying accuracy. But, as you point out, it's covered. Boneyard90 (talk) 14:57, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The third and fourth sentences in the 'Background' section start with "Following"
  • Are the 'see also' links necessary? (and can they be worked into the article so that they have some context?) Nick-D (talk) 01:02, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • It would be difficult to fit them in smoothly, but I thought they were relevant. Azuchi-Momoyama period is a sub-period of Sengoku period, the period in which she lived. Nirengi Castle was another Saigo branch castle; Oeyo married Hidetada, so she was Lady Saigo's daughter-in-law, and among Japanophiles, Oeyo is fairly popular right now because of a TV movie made about her life; Tokugawa Iemitsu and Tokugawa Tadanaga were two notable descendants of Lady Saigo. Toyohashi, Aichi is the present-day city where some of the described events took place. So I thought they were relevant, but difficult to work into the text. However, I know See also sections are not always popular (not sure why), so I can remove any or all. Boneyard90 (talk) 01:23, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • The one on the period seems clearly relevant, but the others are a bit difficult to follow without the context you've provided here (and the notable decedents should be in the section on that topic). I'd suggest removing all these links other than the first. Nick-D (talk) 10:45, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • Removed the castle and the city. Suggested alternative: Moved the people to a list format with glosses, sub-section of "Notable descendants". Let me know what you think. I thought I'd give it a try, but I can still remove them, no problem. Boneyard90 (talk) 15:10, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • I made the list of notable descendants, described above, and included all personages with English-Wikipedia articles, which you can see here. As they were all descendants of Tokugawa Hidetada, I figured it probably made more sense to move the entire list to his page, leaving just the text article. Let me know what you think. Boneyard90 (talk) 17:05, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support All my comments are now addressed - great work with this article. Nick-D (talk) 07:26, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Tentative support - I'm just confused. When I used the Japanese characters for Saigō-no-Tsubone in Google Translate, it would appear that it's either Saigo's station or Saigo's office. I think Tsubone is not simply a nobility rank but an imperial office as well, that is, if I'm basing on the said translation. The Japanese for Oai does appear love in Google Translate. And yes, what was the required age to say that a Japanese woman at the time had reached "adulthood"? Arius1998 (talk) 04:17, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Not entirely sure about the answers to your other questions at the moment, but 愛 means "love" and 於 appears to be just a character used in women's names in pre-modern Japan. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with the simple honorific お/御. elvenscout742 (talk) 09:13, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I have re-written and hopefully clarified some of the explanation on name & title. Yes, "tsubone" is also a place. I add referenced info about how it was the quarters for concubines, but the word for the place was also made into a person's title. We don't do that so much in English. It would be like using the same word for both the US President and the White House. But it still remains that the title "tsubone" is commonly translated as "Lady ~". I'll probably tweak the section a little more today. Boneyard90 (talk) 14:56, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Also added referenced info on age of adulthood, and what it meant for the girl/woman. Boneyard90 (talk) 14:56, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate comments -- just a couple of things:


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 15:44, 22 January 2013 [17].

Sawtooth National Forest

[edit]
Nominator(s): Fredlyfish4 (talk) 04:25, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because I have worked on it extensively, and it meets FA criteria. Fredlyfish4 (talk) 04:25, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • There are 16 duplicated links in the main text, excluding the lead and captions. Please check whether they are intended/necessary
  • The South Hills crossbill is a passerine bird in the family Fringillidae and is endemic to the South Hills and Albion Mountains in the Minidoka District.[61] The South Hills crossbill rarely interbreeds with similar crossbills that are present in its range, and it has been proposed as a separate species, but the American Ornithologists' Union failed to find consensus on the issue. Thus, the South Hills crossbill is still considered a subtype of the red crossbill.[10][62] — clunky and unnecessarily wordy. Suggest something like The South Hills crossbill is a finch endemic to the South Hills and Albion Mountains in Minidoka District.[61] It rarely interbreeds with similar crossbills that are present in its range, and it has been proposed as a separate species. However, the American Ornithologists' Union failed to find consensus on the issue so the South Hills crossbill is still considered a subspecies of the red crossbill.[10][62]
I made the crossbill changes as suggested. I think I fixed a couple of the multiple links, but others could be those links from the two tables that also appear in the text. There are also a few links that appear in earlier sections but are then listed again where I think it makes sense to have them linked, such as Alturas Lake. Fredlyfish4 (talk) 16:49, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Christ's Indian Paintbrush... South Hills Crossbill — caps issues, first is inconsistent with linked article, second with later use in this article
I think the AOU uses all caps for birds, but paintbrush should not be in caps.
  • 8,000 BC and more recently by the Shoshone people after 1700. — inconsistent year format, also is 1700 BC or AD?
Clarified to AD 1700 as mentioned elsewhere in article.
  • European descendents — mispelled, also not clear who they are descendants of, Shoshone is implied but doesn't make sense
I've tried to clarify this.
  • Senator from Idaho — for Idaho?
From is used when describing the state a person represents as Senator.
  • Too many bills die, vary prose a bit
Die is typically used, but I changed one "was not voted on," but I can't be more specific about at what point or how the bills died.
  • About 40,000,000 pounds (18,000,000 kg) — what's wrong with using tons/tonnes?
Done. I meant to change this earlier.
  • I don't think you need multiple links for Ketchum, conservation, oil, elk, Mount Harrison (three links), Basin and Range Province, granodiorite and horseback riding. Please check. I haven't included multiple links that seem useful
All should be down to one link.
  • guard stations — link or explanation, to a Brit it sounds military
Linked to an article on Forest Service guard stations.
  • a no net loss policy — a "no net loss" policy
Done.
  • The only manners in — ways?
Done.
  • douglas fir — cap Douglas. Is "Ponderosa" correctly capped?
Douglas is in caps, but I don't think ponderosa should be.
  • 29 fish.[39][40][19]: — refs in numerical order
Done.
  • In the early 19th century trappers and explorers arrived in southern Idaho. They established immigrant trails in the region by 1849, including the Oregon and California trails.[19]:I-16[93][94][95][96][97] — six refs just for this?
[19] was for the previous sentence, two others removed. Fredlyfish4 (talk) 20:02, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I think the "European descendants" just read oddly to a Brit, I would have put the (clumsier?) "people of European descent", but your edit clarifies. On the crossbill capitalisation, the AOU and the Birds project here fully cap, but it's accepted that generalist articles like this don't have to. The point I was making was that it was consistent within the article. Anyway, all looks good now, changed to support above Jimfbleak - talk to me? 06:42, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
In 1960, Frank Church, a U.S. Senator from Idaho, first introduced legislation for a feasibility study to study the area for.. - do we need all the "study"s - can we trim one of them?
I changed the second to survey.
I'd list the affiliations of the various senators involved - helps give context to who supported what.
What sort of affiliations are you looking for? I'm not sure what to put.
democrat/republican I meant. Casliber (talk · contribs) 20:15, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I added these affiliations.
Sawtooth National Forest practices conservation of resources, which ensures a sustainable flow of some raw materials from the forest, - err, how?
Perhaps this is better: Sawtooth National Forest balances interests of different groups, such as those interested in recreation, preservation, or resource extraction. The forest practices conservation of resources, in some areas allowing for production of raw materials, such as lumber for construction purposes and wood pulp for paper products, and allowing only recreation.
Better, but need to think about this and read again gets the meaning across. Casliber (talk · contribs) 20:15, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
About 47% of the forest’s land is forested, and up to 50% can support trees. - I don't get this - another 50% or (like) 47/50% is covered hence only a little bit extra...?
Changed to: About 47% of the forest’s land is forested, and an additional 3% can support trees, but do not currently have any.
The mountain pine beetle is a naturally occurring insect species - all insects are naturally occurring - do you mean native/indigenous to the area?
Naturally-occurring was meant to refer to that the beetle is native and naturally has large outbreaks. I revised the article to reflect this.
A large infestation occurred right after the start of the 21st century, - just put the date/year(s) here - more exact.
Done.
Most of the area's native mammal species are present on the forest, - "in the forest"?
Done.
It'd be worth adding (in the Geography and geology section) what type of soils are in the park (clay/sandy/acid/alkaline).
I'll try to find some info on this.
I added two general sentences about soils, but had difficultly finding any details. The NRCS classifies Sawtooth National Forest as a non-project area, so soil surveys are not available. Fredlyfish4 (talk) 23:05, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
ok. Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:48, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Make sure that scientific names are italicised in references.
Done. Fredlyfish4 (talk) 16:24, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Otherwise, looking good. Nice read. Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:28, 26 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments from Dana: I reviewed this article for GA status a few months ago, and it has only improved since then! I'm currently re-reading the article (as there have been quite a few changes made in the intervening few months), and will post comments as I go. Thoughts for now:
  • Forest history section, "announced the addition of an additional 1,392,640 acres" addition/additional is a bit repetitive, can we mix this up a bit?
  • Management section, "The forest practices conservation of resources, in some areas allowing for production of raw materials, such as lumber for construction purposes and wood pulp for paper products, and allowing only recreation." This sentence seems to end rather abruptly. Allowing only recreation where?
  • Flora, "can support trees, but do not currently have any." Should this be "but does not"?
  • Geography and geology - The paragraph starting, "The Boulder, Pioneer, Sawtooth, Smoky, and White Cloud mountains" is rather confusing organized. It starts off talking about mountains, switches to soil, then jumps back to mountains. The information on soils would probably fit better at the end of the previous paragraph, where you are already talking about geology.
  • OK, I've finished my read through, and made a few edits. Please check to make sure that I haven't inadvertently changed any meanings or nuances. I'm looking forward to supporting once the above are addressed. Dana boomer (talk) 16:57, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


  • Support...with pleasure. Fredlyfish4 has done wonders on this article since he started his expansion on it in 2012. I just noticed the other day I had stubbed this one out in 2005...so its wonderful to see someone else do so much with the article. I've done a few minor edits myself and cleaned up some white spaces and a few other odds and ends, but Fredlyfish4 is definitely responsible for the fine article we have today. Nice job!MONGO 17:42, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Image check - all OK (own work, Forest Service, Flickr CC with no signs of problems). A nice collection of images with some great panoramas. GermanJoe (talk) 08:42, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate notes

  • First FAC, Fredlyfish? If so, welcome... I'd like to see a source review/spotcheck for the article, which I'll try and arrange shortly.
  • For completeness I'd expect to see a citation at the end of the first para under Flora.

Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 14:45, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Source spotcheck
  • Ref 2, OK
  • Article text: "The area that is now Sawtooth National Forest was first occupied by people as early as 8,000 BC and more recently by the native Shoshone people after 1700 AD."
  • Source text: "The first people to use the lands that are now the Sawtooth National Forest occupied this area between 8,000–7,000 BC. More recently (after 1,700 AD) the Shoshone—or Sheepeater people—lived in small bands..."
  • Ref 7, OK
  • Article text: "The Cassia Forest Reserve was established on June 12, 1905 and the Raft River Forest Reserve on November 5, 1906."
  • Source text: Tabular data, verified
  • Ref 61, OK
  • Article text: "The South Hills Crossbill is a finch endemic to the South Hills and Albion Mountains in the Minidoka District."
  • Source text: Various mentions, no problems with paraphrasing.
  • Ref 80, fails verification
  • Article text: "While not in Sawtooth National Forest, Banner Creek Summit is a 7,056 ft (2,151 m) mountain pass on Idaho State Highway 21 at the northern end of the Sawtooth Mountains at the border of the Boise and Challis National Forests."
  • Source text: Lists elevation as 7,037 ft.
  • Ref 84, OK
  • Article text: "There have been 202 perennial snow fields mapped in the Sawtooth Mountains, and while none have been mapped elsewhere on the forest, some may still exist in the Boulder, Pioneer, and White Cloud Mountains."
  • Source text: "Idaho has 208 glaciers and perennial snowfields, covering 2.6 km2, of which 202 are found in the Sawtooth Range in central Idaho." Mentions of snow field features in image captions for Boulder, Pioneer, and White Clound Mountains.
A few other quick checks didn't reveal other issues—please check the discrepancy in ref 80. --Laser brain (talk) 16:06, 14 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I checked a USGS map and the national elevation dataset from USGS, and while I can't get an exact elevation it appears that the elevation of Banner Creek Summit is very close to 7037 and at least between 7000 and 7040. Fredlyfish4 (talk) 19:23, 14 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Tks for that check, Andy. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 15:40, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

General comments - sorry, I haven't time for a full review, but a few quick comments:

  • Image formatting: the very nice pic of Redfish Lake is overlapping the Boise River pic by quite a lot; the climate charts (which are nice) are displaying in a row of three, leaving the fourth in its own row and lots of white space; also lots of white space between the ski area chart and pics above and below; big bit of white space in the "Scenic roads" section
    • This was brought up by someone during the GA review, but I can't help with this. I have viewed this article on 7 devices using four browsers and have never had this problem.
  • Any reason not to prosify the ski area chart? I'm not sure the coordinates are necessary. If prosified, you might consider mentioning that additional skiing is available right outside the boundaries of the national lands; i.e Dollar Mountain and Elkhorn.
    • I'm not sure what you're linking of by prosifying the table. I think the coordinates are useful, especially if someone views all of the article's coordinates in an interactive map linked at the bottom of the article. Dollar/Elkhorn and Rotarun are already mentioned in the text, but could be added to the table, although I couldn't find complete/reliable data on these areas.
  • I'm not a big fan of trivia, but Sun Valley Serenade is quite iconic and filmed on Baldy. Bus stop, with Marilyn Monroe was filmed in the area - I'll need to check this but believe there are scenes up Galena Pass way.
    • I previously had info on movies filmed here, but couldn't find any reliable refs. I found one (from 1958) and added these two films and on other to the article.
  • The flora section, imo, could use a bit more development. Some books have recently been published about Idaho wildflowers that are worth checking.
    • I added some info on dominant, characteristic species. I have tried to limit both the flora and fauna section to dominant/characteristic species, as well as those that are of special concern or are newsworthy. The problem with wildflowers and grasses is that there are just so many of them that choosing specific ones to include is difficult and arbitrary. Additionally, there is little mention of wildflowers in the forest's plan, except for species I've already included.
  • Also in the "Flora" section, the third para mentions exotic species that are introduced by visitors (examples?) and then goes on the talk about the pine beetle. I don't seen the connection between the two and suggest splitting the paragraph.
  • The "Human habitation" section should mention the Basque sheepherders if a source can be found
    • Done.
  • The "Recreation" section should mention fishing and hunting.

As mentioned above, I've only glanced, so won't be supporting or opposing. I'm mostly concerned with the formatting issues. Nice to see the is work - it's a beautiful area. Truthkeeper (talk) 13:09, 18 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • The changes are all fine, thanks. The formatting is a very big issue to me - I don't see how we can say it's our finest work with images overlapping eachother - the computer I use isn't anything at all out of the ordinary, so I'm surprised you aren't seeing it. If you don't mind, I'll play around with it a bit to try to make them fit. Truthkeeper (talk) 00:54, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Adding: the only way to format without Redfish lake overlapping is either to bring that image down in size - but it still touches the other - or to remove one. I've commented out the one of Boise river - it's up to you - but definitely needs some re-arranging. Also please check that the % is replaced with "percent" per MOS:PERCENT. Thanks. Truthkeeper (talk) 01:10, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate comments (2) -- nearly there but:

  • I notice now that the very last sentence of Fauna is uncited.
  • Do we really need all those citations in the lead? If info in the lead is contained and sourced in the main body (as I'd expect, the lead is there to summarise the article) then there should be no need to cite in the lead as well. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 11:33, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by GrahamColm 10:18, 18 January 2013 [18].

James Bryant Conant

[edit]
Nominator(s): Hawkeye7 (talk) 04:00, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Been years now since an article on a chemist has been nominated for FA, and not since Joseph Priestley in November 2007 has one succeeded. I present an article on a chemist who rose to become President of Harvard University. If promoted in time, I hope Conant can appear on the front page for his 120th birthday in March. Hawkeye7 (talk) 04:00, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]


Support on prose per standard disclaimer. I've looked at the changes made since I reviewed this for A-class, and I made some tweaks. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 18:04, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments (only a few at the moment, may have more time later). Carcharoth (talk) 02:51, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • In the lead section, the date when he became an assistant professor of chemistry at Harvard is over-precise (September 1, 1919). You usually only need the year in a lead section (a good example of an exception is the Trinity nuclear test date later in the lead). The lead ends abruptly in 1957. You really need to summarise the next 21 years as well, even if only in a sentence or two.
  • In the 'Early life' section, is "LPC Laboratories' an initialism formed from the initials of the surnames of the three founders members?
  • Skipping ahead slightly, in the external links, the 'National Academy of Sciences Biographical Memoir' link is the same as used in the sources, so can be removed, unless you intend the reader to refer to this for 'further reading', in which case it should be flagged up as such (and properly formatted). Of the other external links, the 'Participants: James Bryant Conant' one is interesting, but at the moment there is no indication why a reader would want to follow that link - there needs to be something explaining what the link is to, prompting the reader to follow the link. The 'Annotated bibliography for James Conant' sounds promising, but when you click on it, it is rather confusing. Is it really showing a bibliography? And on a general point, external links don't need retrieval dates (though web page source references do).
  • Looking at the infobox and the categories, you have unsourced items on: 'Foreign Members of the Royal Society', 'Fellows of the Royal Society of Chemistry', 'Fellows of the American Association for the Advancement of Science', 'President of the American Association for the Advancement of Science' (in one of the succession boxes), 'Grand Crosses of the Order of Merit of the Federal Republic of Germany', 'Honorary Commanders of the Order of the British Empire' (the infobox omits the 'honorary' bit), and 'Commander of the Legion of Honour'. For some bizarre reason, he is also in the category 'Kentucky Colonels' (a basketball team??). His Sylvanus Thayer Award is mentioned only in one of the succession boxes. Finally, the 'Medal of Merit and Bronze Oak Leaf Cluster' is mentioned in a picture caption, and the Medal of Merit is mentioned in the infobox and categories, but nothing is said about this award in the main text of the article (e.g. what year he was awarded this, and ditto for adding dates for the other items mentioned in this bullet point). While on awards, it would be nice if the infobox could list his science awards as well as his military ones.
    • See the article on Kentucky colonel. Conant was awarded this in 1946. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:07, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      • I'd just about worked that out, but you got there before me! [19] and [20]. I'd never heard of those honorary US state titles before. Do you have plans to source any of this (or the other stuff mentioned above) in the article text? Most of it seems to be listed by Bartlett. I tried finding the Gazetting of his honorary CBE, but failed (not sure how those honorary ones are announced or where). I did find the Foreign Member of the Royal Society bit here (that gives the year). The Clark Kerr Medal, which he was awarded, has a stubby article. We also have Benjamin Franklin Medal (American Philosophical Society), which he again was awarded. Details of his Arches of Science award are here. Are you aiming to only include some of his awards and honours, and how do you decide which to include and which to leave out? The American Education Awards are here for instance. I did find a news article on him receiving the Grand Cross of the Order of Merit of the Federal Republic of Germany (it was at the end of his service as ambassador, I think). And it would be nice to know more about the Legion of Honour award and the Medal for Merit (not of Merit as in the picture caption). That was effectively recognition of his WW2 work as a civilian, right? If you think this would overwhelm the article text, can they be listed with year in bracket in chronological order in the infobox? Carcharoth (talk) 22:33, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Going back to the article itself, I'm only halfway through, but it looks good so far. Will try and add more comments later. Have you had the chemistry bits reviewed by someone who might be able to say more on that, e.g. from the Chemistry WikiProject? Carcharoth (talk) 02:51, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • It was reviewed at GA. WikiProject Chemistry has no A class review, so I had this conducted by WikiProject Military History. I didn't do biochem at uni, so the article relies on my high school level understanding of the subject. I was hoping that another set of eyes might show up at FAC. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:24, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • You could always ask at a suitable WikiProject. My brief reading of the 'Chemistry professor' section (which is what you'll want to get reviewed) is that oxyhemoglobin is a redirect to hemoglobin, which has a section on oxyhemoglobin. Whether you want to handle that link another way, I don't know. You may also, for instance, want to make the link with blood chemistry and oxygen transport more explicit (it depends on whether you think most people know what hemoglobin is or not). What appears to be missing is mention of who he worked with at Harvard as a chemist, or those he may have taught who later became famous. I see Max Tishler is mentioned in the bibliography, and A. H. Blatt appears to be Albert Harold Blatt (1903-1986), who at first glance seems fairly obscure. Does Bartlett not have anything to say on people Conant worked with before he became President of Harvard? You won't have much room for that, but if there is something it would be nice. Carcharoth (talk) 23:56, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Additional comments

  • Do you have a year for his Nichols Medal?
  • Do you have a year for when the Nieman Fellowship was introduced? Does that paragraph generally cover changes in the 1930s and 1940s?
    • In 1936; but the first was not awarded until 1939.
  • When you mention Theodore H. White's opinion on Conant, why is his (White's) opinion relevant? Who is White? Add 'historian' at the start of that sentence?
  • "Lowell had imposed a 15 percent quota on Jewish students in 1922" - you could make it clearer here that Lowell was Conant's predecessor as President, not all readers will remember this from earlier. (in the same paragraph, no need to wikilink 'historian').
  • "In 1934, Ernst Hanfstaengl" -> "In 1934, Harvard-educated German businessman Ernst Hanfstaengl".
  • In the Roscoe Pound sentence, you need to add something like "American legal scholar and Dean of Harvard Law School", otherwise the connection with Conant is not clear without following the link.
  • Also, what year was Pound's honorary degree awarded?
  • Similarly, you could say that Thomas Mann and Albert Einstein are examples of displaced German scholars. The bit about Roosevelt (FDR) is fascinating - should you not say that he was actually US President at the time? Not everyone will realise that (and it will help when you mention Roosevelt again later).
  • Also, are there historians who have commented on the stance chosen by Harvard and Conant with regards to Germany and Hitler at this time?
  • In the paragraph on the 1941 Harvard–Navy lacrosse game, the bit relevant to Conant is that he gave this apology (it would be nice to know if this was something he felt forced to issue, or whether it was something he personally agreed or disagreed with, but I can understand that sources may be silent on this). Have historians commented on this subsequently? You gave quotes from historians in the antisemitism paragraph. This racial integration paragraph doesn't seem to come to any conclusions. Clearly it shows what things were like then, but to round it off, do you not need something such as saying when racial integration was achieved and (bringing it back on topic) whether Conant's presidency of Harvard aided or hindered this?
  • Just noticed that in the infobox the details of his Presidency of Harvard includes 'President: Harry S Truman'. Why is the US President for part of his time in office at Harvard at all relevant (it is not a government position, is it)? And if the details of his Harvard Presidency are in the infobox, is it not possible to include his scientific awards and positions as well? He clearly had different strands to his life and career: military, science and science and university administration; so the infobox should be adapted to cover them all, if that is possible. Ugh, and the infobox fails to mention his WW2 work at all. People like Conant with diverse and complex careers are one reason why infoboxes just don't work! After reading the article, I really feel the infobox doesn't do the man justice.
    • Conant called these his "lives". Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:09, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      • Yeah. It does seem a bit silly that the infobox covers his WWI work but not his WW2 work. It's not the most pressing thing, but would you object to anyone trying to make the infobox a bit more balanced and representative of his 'Several Lives'? Carcharoth (talk) 22:00, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
        • That's because the infobox covers military service, which in Conant's case was during the Great War. It covers three of his lives. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:20, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
          • Sure, it covers his diplomat 'life', his 'educator' life, and his (WW1) 'military' life. But as I said, it still fails to say anything about his WW2 work. That still seems wrong to me. And the 'awards' bit seems to come under the 'Military service' header, but includes more than just military awards (and is a real hodge-podge at the moment). Is there a way to visually offset the awards bit, or handle this differently somehow? I'm not going to press this, but it just frustrates me slightly. The infobox on J. Robert Oppenheimer is different, but frankly not much better. This is why I really try not to get involved with infoboxes. The next thing you know, someone will pop up and suggest more than one infobox is used... Anyway, dropping this now, as I want to say a bit below about the sources I've looked at, and then step back a bit. Carcharoth (talk) 22:52, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I know the ending of the previous paragraph did mention World War II, but the 'National Defense Research Committee' section might be improved by including the dates of the outbreak of World War II and when the USA entered the war.
  • Similarly, saying who Vannevar Bush is and what the National Defense Research Committee is would help as well. Not all those reading this article will be familiar with the topic.
  • Also, if Conant remained a civilian, but working on military committees, that would be a point worth making. Other than that, the explanation is good here of the NDRC and OSRD and the role Conant played. Very minor point: the rubber shortage-national scandal sentence has too many commas and the construction is a bit clumsy. The section does introduce a lot of people without really saying who they are. Would be nice to say that Baruch was a businessman(?), that Hovde was a chemist and that Carroll L. Wilson was whatever he was (that's the problem with redlinks!), that Lindemann was a physicist and advisor to Churchill, and that Churchill was Britain's wartime leader and Prime Minister. I'm generally of the view that the first time you mention someone, you should really say who they are, though I accept Churchill may be too obvious. (Your second use of Lindemann mis-spells his name). Is it possible to link 'the British program' to something (surely we have an article on that)? And it would be nice to know what the honorary degree was that Churchill conferred on Conant. Bizarre, though, that that sort of thing (the awarding of honorary degrees) continued in the middle of a major world war (you may want to mention the year, 1943, of the Quebec Conference). I wonder if both sets of honorary degrees were merely part of the cover for the secret military meetings? In the last paragraph of this section, maybe make clearer that it is "growing criticism in the USA"? i.e. US public opinion, not international opinion.
  • In the 'Cold War' section, make clearer who Robert Oppenheimer is? Most of those reading this review will know, but not all readers of the article will. The bit about Conant and his views on public education is fascinating. One bit that wasn't quite clear to me was where you say his influence was declining after he was passed over for President of the National Academy of Sciences, but then at the end of that paragraph you say he was appointed to the National Science Board (do you have a year for that?) and was appointed to the Science Advisory Committee - were those not influential posts, or was his influence now being redirected to other areas?
  • The connection with Kuhn is, again, fascinating - this really puts things in context.
  • In the 'High Commissioner' section, should the 'USIA' acronym be expanded?
  • For the Adenauer bit, "re-election as Chancellor of West Germany"? (or whatever it was called then)? It might help here to explain the relationship between the High Commissioner and the Chancellor - the Chancellor was democratically elected, but his (partitioned) country was occupied by the Allies so he had to negotiate with three occupying powers? That must have been complicated. Maybe in the previous paragraph, where you explain this, say what the role of Chancellor was?
  • 'Death and legacy section': "nursing home [in] Hanover, New Hampshire" (missing word).
  • One final point: ending on the sealed note he wrote to the future is nice, but maybe gives too much weight to his views and something that is, at the end of the day, a bit dramatic. To round off the article, are there no historians who have given an overall view on Conant that could be quoted?

OK, that is enough for now. Hope all the above is OK and can be addressed in some way. Apologies for the length of the review. Overall, I really enjoyed the article, and once I've dug around in the sources (that I have access to) to get a feel for what has and hasn't been covered, I'll almost certainly be supporting. I'd be happy to continue on the article talk page if more discussion is needed on any specific points. Carcharoth (talk) 00:58, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments Support

I'll try to look at some more later, but overall the article is in real good shape. GregJackP Boomer! 16:40, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Images

Grandiose (me, talk, contribs) 23:25, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment on sources: I've been looking over the sources used (and not used) for this article and am jotting down a few thoughts here.

  • The major source used is Hershberg (1993): James B. Conant: Harvard to Hiroshima and the Making of the Nuclear Age. This is an extensive book-length source by an academic historian (James Hershberg). Earlier sources on Conant include Bartlett (1983): 'James Bryant Conant, 1893–1978: A Biographical Memoir'. This is a biographical article by US chemist Paul Doughty Bartlett for the National Academy of Sciences journal Biographical Memoirs. There is another similar article that was published in 1979 by George Kistiakowsky and Frank Westheimer: 'James Bryant Conant' in Biographical Memoirs of Fellows of the Royal Society 25, 209–232 (1979). There is an entry for Conant in the Complete Dictionary of Scientific Biography: 'Conant, James Bryant', Complete Dictionary of Scientific Biography. 2008. There are also two journal articles, one from 2003 and one from 2011: Saltzman, Martin D. (2003). "James Bryant Conant: The Making of an Iconoclastic Chemist". Bulletin for the History of Chemistry 28 (2); Biddle, Justin (December 2011). "Putting Pragmatism to Work in the Cold War: Science, Technology, and Politics in the Writings of James B. Conant". Studies in History and Philosophy of Science 42 (4): 552–561.
  • Two of these sources are not used in the article when possibly they should be: Kistiakowsky and Westheimer (1979) and the DSB entry. Have these sources been consulted, or are there reasons not to use them?
  • Possibly the Bartlett (1983) and Saltzman (2003) sources should be used more than they are. They seem to have been used mainly for factual information, not for their opinions. Bartlett has a list of awards that seems to have been neglected so far. Saltzman's opinions seem to have been left out entirely. I can't remember if I read it in Saltzman or Bartlett, but there were two points I was surprised not to see in the Wikipedia article: that Conant thought his work on chlorophyll was his major contribution to science (I'm paraphrasing from memory) and the story that he said to his wife that he wanted to achieve a certain number of things in his career (which he did). On the most recent source, Biddle (2011) has been used only once. I don't have access to the Biddle article: is there not more that could be said from what Biddle had to say in that article?
  • On a technical point, the source "Conant (1970)" should appear in the references. The links in the notes currently redirect the reader to the list of works by Conant in the main body of the article, rather than to a listing of his autobiography in the references section.

Overall on sources, the article is great on the military history, but I'm puzzled as to why sources like the DSB aren't being consulted. I raised this issue on the FAC for Robert Oppenheimer (also nominated by Hawkeye7), linked to the DSB articles there, but nothing ever happened with that. Is this a case of not using those sources because other sources cover the same material? If so, I do think a note somewhere on the article talk page on sources not used (and why) helps prevent people later asking the same question. One more thing I want to point out, is how difficult it is to write comprehensive and balanced articles on people like Oppenheimer and Conant who had diverse strands to their lives and careers. It is because it is so difficult to write such articles that I've been so critical. There is a really good article on this (which gives both Conant and Oppenheimer as examples), see Scientific Biography: History of Science by Another Means? (2006, Mary Jo Nye). She refers to them as having "multivalent" lives. A new biography was published recently on Oppenheimer (as noted on the article talk page), and I suspect there is more that remains to be written about Conant as well. Anyway, apologies again for writing at such length on the sources used here, but hopefully the overview will help in assessing the article. Carcharoth (talk) 00:09, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Was it Ralph Waldo Emerson who said that "There is properly no history; only biography?" Scientists tend to be "multivalent" because they usually do their most brilliant work while young, and then drift to non-scientific work in later life. Every scientist that I have written up follows this pattern. I think I could tell Mary Jo a bit more about writing biographies. I am a techno-military historian, but write a lot of biographical articles on Wikipedia. It is not really a matter of consulting every possible source, but of assembling a comprehensive article. And I rarely seek opinions from secondary sources, since if I need a historian's opinion, I can write one myself. So I only use them for facts. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:12, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Well, having Hershberg (a book-length source) to draw on in this case makes it easier. And for the 'superstars' of science (or any area) where multiple book-length biographies exist, the amount of material to read through or at least be aware of can be overwhelming (Einstein, Newton, Galileo, and so on). You have to trust that the authors of those biographies have done some of that work for you (building on earlier work). For those that don't have book-length sources, I'd argue that you do need to at least be aware of other sources and consciously use them or reject them.

      Your final sentence, I'm not sure where to start with that, but it should be highlighted:

      "And I rarely seek opinions from secondary sources, since if I need a historian's opinion, I can write one myself. So I only use them for facts." - quoting from Hawkeye7's comment at 06:12, 24 December 2012 (UTC)

      I really would like to see what others think of what you have said here. I recognise that you are a trained historian (and I and many others on Wikipedia are not), and that your work is excellent, but you do quote the opinions of others (just less than I've seen other editors do), hence your 'rarely' qualifier (I would really like to ask how you and other historians decide when to draw on the opinion of secondary sources and when not, but that is a judgement call that might be difficult to unpack into words). Most editors on Wikipedia will not have that luxury and will only be able to use their best judgement when quoting others (and they may get that wrong), which means that problems may arise when you try and work on articles where others have added such opinions or others try and work on articles where you've taken this approach.

      Anyway, would you object to the details of the DSB article and maybe a couple other sources you haven't used being placed in the external links? That would probably address most of the lingering concerns I have. I have asked someone else if they are willing to have a look at the chemistry parts of this article, though given the timing I don't know how long that will take. Carcharoth (talk) 14:09, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

      • The big question is: When do we need opinions at all? And the answer is usually in a passage on criticism or appraisal. These are usually problematic to start with, and best avoided if you can. You can't just say "Spinal Tap's last album lacked substance" in Wikipedia's voice. You could say" "Critics panned Spinal Taps last album as lacking substance", but this could result in a {{who?}} tag. So then it becomes "Village Voice critic Tony Deff panned the album, charging that it 'lacked substance'". Hawkeye7 (talk) 16:15, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Additional comment on sources: I've had another look, and there are a couple of other sources on his science research. From the DSB entry, two "brief but solid interpretations of his chemical career" are mentioned at the end: an earlier article by Saltzman from 1972 in Journal of Chemical Education, and a 1978 article by Westheimer from the journal Organic Syntheses. The later articles by Saltzman and Westheimer may be sufficient. More important (and not yet used) are a set of sources on Conant's educational work, which can be seen in James Bryant Conant, Encyclopedia of World Biography (2004). That article gives a good summary, and also points the reader towards: Paul Franklin Douglass, Six upon the World: Toward an American Culture for an Industrial Age (1954). There are four other sources listed there, which I won't reproduce here, but something on this needs to go in the article, particularly Friedenberg (1965) which, according to that encyclopedia article "has a chapter critical of Conant". Are these the 'education historians' you mentioned above? Do you indirectly draw on them through Hershberg, or does something need to go in the article? At the moment, there is a lot on his time at Harvard, but very little (only a sentence or two) on his work in the 1960s on his writings and studies related to educational reform. There is more on this work from the 1960s here. At the moment, in the absence of some solid text in the article drawing on the secondary literature that covers this aspect of his life and career, this article is not really comprehensive enough (1b concerns). Carcharoth (talk) 13:52, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • We are lucky that we have good sources on Conant, including an autobiography, a full-length biography and several detailed essays. I don't think these are the last word on the man by a long shot, but I don't think that he is a compelling subject for biographers, like Oppenheimer, but he's doing better than most scientists. The next subjects on my list - Bacher, Bethe, Bradbury - will be much tougher. (It would also be nice to write up George Wheland and William McEwan, even if their articles will be very small.) What I think is most likely with Conant is that the lives will be accorded separate treatments. The best hope is Jennet Conant. Some books on scientists seem to manage to get through without mentioning any science! Someone clicking on the links in this article though, will find a lot of fascinating chemistry.

Support - after much back and forth above and on the article, I'm now happy to support. Kudos to Hawkeye for his excellent work here, and apologies again for the extensive notes and rumination on the sources (if a delegate is reading this, please feel free to refactor or collapse the above if it is overly long). A few minor quibbles remaining, which I'll take to the talk page. Only one of those points relevant to FAC is the need to add something to the lead section to cover the 1957 to 1960s work on education reform. Carcharoth (talk) 20:17, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Source formatting

Nikkimaria (talk) 03:22, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments –

Giants2008 (Talk) 00:47, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: Carcharoth (talk · contribs) posted at my talk page asking that I have a look at the chemistry in the article as I am a qualified chemist. With limited time available, I am commenting only on that single area and so feel unqualified to express an overall support / oppose conclusion.

  • In the lede: ... he was one of the first to explore the sometimes complex relationship between the chemical equilibrium and the reaction rate of chemical processes – delete "the" before chemical equilibrium.
  • Also in the lede: ... published three papers on using polymerized isoprene to create synthetic rubber – I am uncomfortable with the word "create" as it has unfortunate connotations. I suggest something like "published three papers on the manufacture of synthetic rubber from polymerized isoprene."
  • In Chemistry professor: In 1925, he visited Germany, then the heart of chemical research, for eight months. – I am uncomfortable with "heart," it implies that Germany was the most important centre for chemical research in the world, not just an important centre. If "heart" is an opinion from a reference then cite it; if it is a widely-held opinion from the history of chemistry (which it may be, I am not sure), then cite that; if it is the author's opinion, perhaps something like "... then an important centre for chemical research" might be better? Other editors may disagree here, I am just commenting on how it strikes me.
  • In the list of scientists that Conant met in Germany, I am surprised that Fritz Haber is not mentioned. Maybe they never met, I don't know, but as a Nobel Laureate German chemist who worked on poisonous gases for warfare (as had Conant), it seems odd to me if they never met and if Conant had no views on Haber. I understand that you can't add anything not mentioned in sources, but I would be very surprised if Conant was not aware of Haber and his work. Is there anything useful that can be added in this area?
  • In Chemistry professor: He explored chemical kinetics, particularly the relationship between the chemical equilibrium and the reaction rate of chemical processes. Conant was one of the first to realize that while this relationship was sometimes straightforward and simple, at other times it could be quite complex. – at least remove the "the" preceding chemical equilibrium, but would this not sound better combined as something like "Based on his exploration of reaction rates in chemical equilibria, Conant was one of the first to recognise that the kinetics of these systems is sometimes straightforward and simple, yet quite complex in other cases." Wikilink kinetics to chemical kinetics and chemical equilibria to chemical equilibrium and the links in the original are preserved. Kinetics can appear straightforward and easily modelled at one temperature yet have the model seriously break down at others. This can happen when an important factor for a comprehensive model (making the system quite complex) is neglected but this factor is unimportant at some temperatures. I used "other cases" to allow the simple/complex divide to be different systems or differing factors (like temperature) within a single system. I don't like "other times" as evidence should be reproducible at different times, it should be some other difference that leads to the differences in complexity.
  • In Chemistry professor: He looked at the reaction rates of alkyl chloride when iodides displaced chlorides – I don't know for sure what this means, but I suspect it is meant to be something like "He looked at the reaction rates for the substitution of alkyl chlorides with iodide" or "He looked at the reaction rates for the displacement of chloride by iodide in alkyl chlorides" or "He looked at the kinetics of substitution reactions of alkyl chlorides with iodide."
  • In Chemistry professor: He looked at the reaction rates of alkyl chloride when iodides displaced chlorides, and later, with George Kistiakowsky, at the reaction rates of the hydrogenation of organic compounds. This work led others to develop the theory of hyperconjugation. – this has three problems: (1) the first part is unclear, (2) it understates / misses the significance (so I have provided a bunch of references to consider), and (3) the latter part would be better separated and (4) I don't see where Kistiakowsky and Conant collaborated formally (no joint publications in the literature, for instance. I suggest: "Conant studied the effect of haloalkane structure on the rate of substitution with inorganic iodides J. Am. Chem. Soc. 45: 232. 1924. {{cite journal}}: Missing or empty |title= (help) doi:10.1021/ja01679a031 doi:10.1021/ja01679a032 which, combined earlier work doi:10.1002/cber.19100430257, led to what is now known as either the Conant-Finkelstein reaction or more commonly simply the Finkelstein reaction. doi:10.1002/9780470638859.conrr231 [21][22] [23] A recent application of this reaction involved the preparation of an iodinated polyvinyl chloride from regular PVC.doi:10.1007/s10965-005-9034-6 Collaborative work with George Kistiakowsky on the kinetics of hydrogenation of organic compounds supported the later development of the theory of hyperconjugation.
  • In Chemistry professor: With regard to ... and later, with George Kistiakowsky, at the reaction rates of the hydrogenation of organic compounds. This work led others to develop the theory of hyperconjugation. – I don't see where Kistiakowsky and Conant collaborated formally (no joint publications in the literature, for instance) so "with" seems misleading. Also, as the earlier part of the sentence is now expanded, I suggest something like "A combination of Conant's work on the kinetics of hydrogenation and George Kistiakowsky's work on the enthalpy changes of these reactions doi:10.1021/ja01304a019 doi:10.1021/ja01308a025 doi:10.1021/ja01292a042 doi:10.1021/ja01292a043 doi:10.1021/ja01284a019 doi:10.1021/ja01269a060 supported the later development of the theory of hyperconjugation." I know there will be arguments about citing the primary literature, but I like to include the original work as references so they can be located easily by a reader should they seek it - I know I find that helpful at times - but I am just providing literature and references that might be used, not suggesting all are necessary or even desirable under the FAC.
    • This has been added too. Hawkeye7 (talk) 16:04, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • In the 16:04, 5 January 2013 version of the article, in the Chemistry professor section, there is now a sentence with seven citations (number 21 to 27). That seems excessive. I don't think EdChem is providing all those references for inclusion, just to give some idea of the primary literature. And yes, including too much primary literature is a problem. I'd suggest being guided by those who wrote overviews of Conant's chemistry research, and not giving excessive detail in this article and pointing the reader to further reading on the topic rather than trying to do too much here. The Dictionary of Scientific Biography entry that I pointed to elsewhere in this FAC (but here is the link again) is one such overview, among others. If those papers must be used as sources, please make clear what they are being used for and what exactly they are supporting in the sentence they are attached to (many of them don't even name Conant in the authors - only footnote 17 in the version I linked has papers where Conant is one of the authors). Failing that, putting some of this in a footnote would work as well. On a more positive note, the bit about the Conant-Finkelstein reaction is fascinating. Carcharoth (talk) 01:18, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • I can package them so there is only one footnote reference in the article. Hawkeye7 (talk) 01:59, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
          • One thing I think is important is that there is some really chemistry in an article about a chemist. I didn't want an article on Conant that was all about an administrator. Hawkeye7 (talk) 02:09, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
            • Absolutely, but the approach taken here is the wrong one. Please read the DSB entry and consider what can be incorporated in our own words here. Or even quote a small part if you are unsure about how to phrase things. The author of that entry has highlighted which of Conant's papers are important. If any primary literature is referred to, it should be those papers. I was going to put that DSB entry as an external link, but it makes little sense to do this if the article charges off in another direction entirely. And the word 'recent' that was added in the bit referring to a modern application of this research will date (the paper in question was published in 2006). Say it was 2006, rather than 'recent'. Carcharoth (talk) 02:48, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
              • Firstly, I would group some or all of those papers into a single reference, as I did with the three Conant papers that supported the Finkelstein reaction. Secondly, those papers support "George Kistiakowsky's work on the enthalpy changes of these reactions". The original formulation of the sentence implied (to me) that C and K worked together, but that is not supported by the primary literature, so I thought the overall reference to "leading to hyperconjugation" at the end was fine for C's work but a primary citation for K's work and indicating it was a combination of both sets of research was appropriate. Views on when to include primary literature vary and I like to include it to support the actual work done but use the secondary to support significance, etc. For example, if I am talking about a named reaction or an important chemical I like to include both the original literature on the work and the secondary material that establishes significance or provides a broad review of the area, applications, etc. So, I do favour including primary literture in the chemistry conten. Note, however, that I usually place it to support specific factual assertions rather than overall sentences / summaries. Third, and obviously, my suggestions and edits are open to others' views and modifications, I'm offering my perspective as a chemist which other FAC contributors and delegates, etc, should (and will, I'm confident) be treated as comments for consideration. Fourth, Carcharoth, I'm glad you like the Finkelstein reaction bit, I was surprised it was missing when I made the connection but I guess it's a connection a chemist is most likely to recognise. It's odd if the publications on Conant's life and work don't expand on it, though, but he contributed to so many areas that covering everything is a major challenge. It is a credit to Hawkeye7 that this is already GA and A-class. Fifth, I still need to come back to add more, there is more than needs changing - this has already taken more time than I anticipated, but I believe it is work worth doing. EdChem (talk) 03:34, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
                • I've bundled the six papers into a single reference. The readers may need academic library access to view the papers. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:35, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
                  • I have moved the refs to the place in the sentence I meant, and made the refs consistent. Hawkeye, looks like there is some inconsistency in capitalisation of titles across different references (compared to the iodide refs, for instance). EdChem (talk) 03:47, 14 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
                    • Took a quick look at the changes (summarised above and below) since I last commented, and I no longer have any major objections (my support above still stands). Still a bit unsure about the chunk of references to Kistiakowsky's original papers, and not referring to the article on Conant in the Complete Dictionary of Scientific Biography. That latter bit puzzles me. I do have some further notes, but will put those on the talk page at some point. Carcharoth (talk) 09:01, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Still going EdChem (talk) 12:56, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • In Chemistry Professor: Conant investigated the properties of certain acids which were many times stronger than mineral acid solutions in water. Conant christened them "superacids".(ref|Hall|Conant|1927|p=3047) He produced them by dissolving chemicals in acetic acid instead of water, and discovered that under these circumstances sodium acetate would behave as a base. In a series of later studies with George Wheland and William Kirk McEwen, he looked at the properties of very weak acids, including acetophenone, phenylacetylene, fluorene and diphenylmethane. This work led to a more comprehensive understanding of the nature of acids and bases. (ref|Kistiakowsky|Westheimer|1979|p=212) – problems: (1) sodium acetate is a base in water, though a weak one, according to Brønsted–Lowry acid–base theory, which was published in 1923... I think the point is meant to be about it not being basic under Arrhenius definitions; (2) the hydrocarbon cases mentioned rely totally on B-L theory, so I think the support for a newish theory is the critical point here; (3) the last sentence is the topic sentence and belongs up front, IMO; (4) I am concerned about the studies with Wheland and Kirk - I find only one paper with Conant and Wheland (doi:10.1021/ja01333a043) and no paper with Conant and McEwen. (Adding at 07:23, 14 January 2013 (UTC): I have sorted it out - McEwen extended the work after Conant went on to the Presidency of Harvard - and adjusted the text below.) I propose changing it to:
    Conant's investigations helped in the development of a more comprehensive understanding of the nature of acids and bases.(ref|Kistiakowsky|Westheimer|1979|p=212) In 1927, he reported on acids whose strength is many times that of mineral acid solutions in water, coining the term "superacids" to describe them(ref|Hall|Conant|1927|p=3047)Note that the full title of this paper is "A study of superacid solutions. I. The use of the chloranil electrode in glacial acetic acid and the strength of certain weak bases" and it is actually the part II paper that is really supporting the next sentence... and laying the foundation for the development of the Hammett acidity function.doi:10.1021/ja01346a015 These investigations used acetic acid as the solvent and demonstrated that sodium acetate behaves as a base under these conditions. doi:10.1021/ja01411a011 doi:10.1021/ja01374a038 This observation is consistent with Brønsted–Lowry acid–base theory (published in 1923) Stoker, H. Stephen (2012). General, Organic, and Biological Chemistry (6th ed.). Cengage Learning. pp. 272–275. ISBN 9781133103943. but cannot be explained under older Arrhenius theory apporaches. Later work with George Wheland doi:10.1021/ja01333a043 and extended by William Kirk McEwen doi:10.1021/ja01298a017 looked at the properties of hydrocarbons as very weak acids, including acetophenone, phenylacetylene, fluorene and diphenylmethane. Conant can be considered alongside Brønsted, Lowry, Lewis, and Hammett as a developer of modern understanding of acids and bases.(ref|Kistiakowsky|Westheimer|1979|p=212-213)
    But I would also like to hear on the Wheland and Kirk point, because I don't see where these studies are published - unless they are in a journal not listed in Web of Science that far back. Fixed. EdChem (talk) 07:23, 14 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • In Chemistry Professor: It also led him to study chlorophyll, and attempt to determine its structure. In the end, this eluded him, and he was unable to solve the puzzle before he retired from chemistry research in 1933.((ref|Kistiakowsky|Westheimer|1979|p=214)) However, his work on chlorophyll led to his being inducted as a foreign Fellow of the Royal Society in May 1941."Conant, James Bryant – Proposal for Foreign Membership". Royal Society. Retrieved 25 December 2012. – need to change start given other changes and note that he helped on the way to the structure. I suggest a new paragraph:
    Between 1929 and his retirement from chemical research in 1933,((sfn|Kistiakowsky|Westheimer|1979|p=214)) Conant published papers in Science,doi:10.1126/science.70.1806.149 doi:10.1126/science.73.1888.268 Nature, doi:10.1038/131131a0 and the Journal of the American Chemical Society (note in ref that there were a series of 14 papers begining with doi:10.1021/ja01387a032 and ending with doi:10.1021/ja01325a060 - I think listing them all would be overkill) about chlorophyll and its structure. Though the complete structure eluded him, his work did support and contribute to Nobel laureate Fisher's ultimate determination of the structure in 1939. doi:10.1002/jlac.19395370114 Conant's work on chlorophyll was recognised when he was inducted as a foreign Fellow of the Royal Society in May 1941."Conant, James Bryant – Proposal for Foreign Membership". Royal Society. Retrieved 25 December 2012.
  • In Chemistry Professor: Another line of research involved the biochemistry of oxyhemoglobin. Conant ran a series of experiments with electrochemical oxidation and reduction, following in the footsteps of the famous German chemist Fritz Haber.((ref|Conant|1970|p=60)) He determined that methemoglobin contains ferric (Fe3+) iron rather than the ferrous (Fe2+) of normal hemoglobin, and therefore that, unlike oxyhemoglobin, methemoglobin cannot bind oxygen.((ref|Bartlett|1983|pp=94–97)) He also published three papers describing experiments in which he polymerized isoprene to create synthetic rubber.{{ref|Bartlett|1983|pp=94–97))   I am uncomfortable with the "therefore" as oxyhemoglobin also contains ferric iron, though that was not understood until recently. Also, oxyhemoglobin cannot bind oxygen because oxygen is already bound. And, methemoglobin increases binding in related centres but these do not release their bound oxygen, hence producing hypoxia. I also would use oxidation states rather than charges for the metal centres, as the iron-porphyrin binding is primarily covalent rather than ionic. I suggest:
    Another line of research involved the biochemistry of the hemoglobin-oxyhemoglobin system.((ref|Bartlett|1983|pp=94–97)) Conant ran a series of experiments with electrochemical oxidation and reduction, following in the footsteps of the famous German chemist and Nobel laureate Fritz Haber.((ref|Conant|1970|p=60)) He determined that the iron centre in methemoglobin is a ferric (FeIII) centre, unlike the ferrous (FeII) centre found in normal hemoglobin,Conant, J. B. (1923). "An Electrochemical Study Of Hemoglobin". Journal of Biological Chemistry. 57 (2): 401–414. Conant, J. B.; Fieser, L. F. (1925). "Methemoglobin". Journal of Biological Chemistry. 62 (3): 595–622. and this difference in oxidation state is the cause of methemoglobinemia, a medical condition which causes tissue hypoxia. Bodansky, O. (1951). "Methemoglobinemia And Methemoglobin-Producing Compounds". Pharmacological Reviews. 3 (2): 144–191. Conant also published three papers describing the polymerisation of isoprene to prepare synthetic rubber.{{ref|Bartlett|1983|pp=94–97))
  • Ok, I think that is all there is for me to say on chemistry. I hope this has been helpful. EdChem (talk) 08:45, 14 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by GrahamColm 10:18, 18 January 2013 [24].

John F. Bolt

[edit]
Nominator(s): —Ed!(talk) 20:10, 16 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article. It has passed a GA nomination and a WP:MILHIST A-class review. The previous FAC happened earlier this fall and lapsed with no significant reviewers. —Ed!(talk) 20:10, 16 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

So far so good on prose, apart from repeating Bolt's name too often, per standard disclaimer, down to where I stopped, John F. Bolt#Formation of VMF-214. I've reviewed the changes made since the last FAC. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 21:05, 16 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Sources and images - spotchecks not done, PD tag present

Comments Support

*Note 1. Source?

Looks good overall, I'll try and check back later. GregJackP Boomer! 17:23, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

CommentsSupport by Peacemaker67 (send... over) 04:07, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • given the USMC still operate jet fighter aircraft, wouldn't "remains the only USMC jet fighter ace" be a more accurate description (if that is the case of course)? Conceivably a USMC jet fighter pilot could become an ace in the future? I'm a bit surprised no USMC pilot became an ace in Vietnam. Or perhaps you mean the only USMC jet fighter ace of the Korean War?
  • is CTI a proper name? If not, the initial caps are not appropriate.
  • "training other aviation cadets" he was not a cadet, so "other" doesn't appear appropriate.
  • Where was VMF-214 based before they went to the Russells?
  • "Although new to the war in the Pacific, Bolt had over 700 hours" is a bit of a surprise, as there has been no mention of him flying the F4U prior to this point. Did he do all those hours while the squadron was doing work-up or did he fly it state-side too?
  • suggest "Wiggins" be "Dorothy Wiggins" given she was only mentioned briefly earlier.
  • "On 11 July Bolt led another flight of four fighters in a reconnaissance mission above Sinuiju, his 37th combat mission in Korea" not sure how this works given he flew 92 close support combat missions earlier?

Support; as all recommended corrections have been made. Boneyard90 (talk) 15:10, 17 January 2013 (UTC) Comments by Boneyard90 (talk) 07:57, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by GrahamColm 16:59, 17 January 2013 [25].

Maus

[edit]
Nominator(s): CüRlyTüRkeyTalkContribs 08:05, 12 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because it is a comprehensive article on a subject which is considered a key work in its medium. Both commerically popular and critically acclaimed, the article would likely generate considerable interest on the main page, while filling in an important gap in WikiProject Comics.

This is my second shot at FA with this article. This first time there wasn't really any opposition, but it didn't seem to gather a lot of interest. I've given the article a thorough copyediting, and added a considerable number of free images I found. CüRlyTüRkeyTalkContribs 08:05, 12 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Addressed comments from TBrandley moved to talk

  • Weak support. While as I noted before more could be written about reception in different countries, any expansion is optional and could just as well belong to a subarticle. Also, this requires help from editors who can read Polish and other languages, and it's unfair to prevent nomination due to lack of skills for such a minor set of points. As such, I've decided to offer a weak support (I cannot offer a full one until I see a subarticle on reception with more coverage of international events, but I am just being picky here). --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 21:41, 12 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done

Nikkimaria (talk) 21:12, 25 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from MarchOrDie Oppose per prose quality. Too much passive voice, and I saw several ambiguities and sentence fragments. Needs a major copyedit. --MarchOrDie (talk) 06:46, 27 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I've gone over the article again, but I have no idea what MarchOrDie is referring to regarding "sentence fragments". I've worked on the passive voice (rewriting most instances, though I don't think it was really that persistent), but "several ambiguities" is...well, rather ambiguous feedback. Curley Turkey (gobble) 12:48, 27 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Synopsis
  • Primary characters
  • Background
    • "Shortly after getting out, his mother committed suicide" This is the ambiguity, and it's a beaut. Who killed themselves, him or his mother?
      You can't be serious. What is ambiguous about "his mother committed suicide"?!? Curly Turkey (gobble) 02:13, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      I'm entirely serious, but I didn't express myself well. Who got out, him or his mother? Ambiguity, where the reader has to search through context to figure out the meaning of a sentence, is really poor writing and should be avoided, except for comic or poetic effect, neither of which belongs in an encyclopedia article that aspires to high standards. --MarchOrDie (talk) 06:37, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      In context: "He spent a month in Binghamton State Mental Hospital in 1968 after a nervous breakdown. Shortly after getting out, his mother committed suicide."
      If his mother "got out", where is she supposed to have gotten out of? There is no searching through context—he context is in the immediately preceding sentence of the same paragraph! One cannot account for readers who read sentences at random, which would be the only type of reader who could possibly be confused by this one. Sure sounds like WP:BEANS to me.
      And again, how on earth could "his mother committed suicide" be any more explicit? Please demonstrate how this could possibly mean the that son (or anyone other than herself) killed himself. Curly Turkey (gobble) 07:33, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      Yes, writing clearly for a mixed audience is a pain, isn't it? For this example, He spent a month in Binghamton State Mental Hospital in 1968 after a nervous breakdown. Shortly after he was released, his mother committed suicide. carries the same meaning and lacks the ambiguity. Sentences of this type are therefore preferred by good writers. --MarchOrDie (talk) 09:35, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      Unfortunately our article on the subject isn't very good. com/od/terms/g/ambiguity.htm Here's quite a decent resource. Once you start seeing them you will see them everywhere! Good encyclopedia articles don't contain them. --MarchOrDie (talk) 09:39, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • "His father was not happy with his involvement in the hippie movement. When he bought a German Volkswagen, Spiegelman says it damaged their already-strained relationship "beyond repair"." Another weapons-grade ambiguity. Rewrite it so that it is completely clear who bought the VW, please. And who was the hippie?
      Done, though you may want to be more judicious with your "weapons grade" hyperbole. It beggars belief that someone could read that and believe that Vladek was unhappy with his own hippieness. Curly Turkey (gobble) 02:13, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • "the semi-autobiographical Binky Brown Meets the Holy Virgin Mary in 1972, a seminal work which inspired other underground cartoonists to take the lid off their psyches and produce more personal, revealing work" Is this a quote? If it is it should be justified as a key quote and enclosed in quotation marks. If it is not, we have to consider whether this is encyclopedic language. I say no, let's tone it down a notch. "Seminal" and "take the lid off their psyches" jangle for me.
      Done. Reworded, though I have trouble seeing the problem. Curly Turkey (gobble) 03:51, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comics medium
    • "Comics was seen as a genre" Not "were"?
      No, "comics" (uncountable) refers to the medium (as in economics, politics), while "comics" (countable) is sometimes used as a shorthand for "comic books"—primarily American thin floppy periodicals containing comics content. Comics vocabulary is exasperating that way. Curly Turkey (gobble) 02:16, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      Yes. I am still uneasy with this one. I've never seen "comics" listed alongside "ethics", "economics" in this context in style guides. We write for a general audience here and I think this will "look wrong" to a lot of people who read the article. --MarchOrDie (talk) 22:49, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      I've been thinking about this. It certainly isn't a mass noun; it seems to be more of a Singular Noun with an S Ending. I would need to be convinced that "comics" is a legitimate member of this class, and that this construction is the most elegant and felicitous way to express the meaning. I can't see either at the moment. --MarchOrDie (talk) 23:00, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      No, the term is long-established. Two books on formal issues in comics are Will Esiner's Comics and Sequential Art from 1986 and Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art from 1993. Both use "comics" as a collective noun—in their titles, no less! In the English translation of French comics theorist Thierry Groensteen's 1999 The System of Comics, there are numerous examples: "Comics is not a syncretic (total) art such as Opera", "'comics' is a term used to dewscribe works that take part in a variety of genres", "comics is not only an art of fragments", etc etc. A quick search of the web will turn up a plethora of examples. Here's a passage from a 2009 literary journal article by Henry John Pratt, "Medium Specificity and the Ethics of Narrative in Comics", in which he uses "comics" as a mass noun, a countable noun, and "comic" as an adjective:

      My strategy is to focus closely on one medium: comics. One of the twentieth century’s most predominant narrative media, comics is not only underrepresented in narratology, but there is also a long, well-documented history of condemning the comics medium itself (not merely individual comics or comic subgenres) on ethical grounds.

      Comics terminology is in flux, though. There is an increasing number of people who are using the term "graphic novel" to replace all instances of "comics", including the floppy periodicals (ironic–"graphic novel" was originally meant to distinguish book-form comics from the floppies). It appears that librarians are being trained to do exactly this. As I've already stated, trying to be both correct and elegant with comics terminology is a losing battle. "Comics" as a mass noun does have decades of usage behind it, though. I could replace all instances with "the comics medium", but that would get tedious to read. It's unfortunate that Spiegelman's "comix" didn't catch on.
      Going to the Comics, Comic book or American comic book articles won't help understanding any of this. They are masses of unreferenced OR and fancruft that will make your eyes bleed. I've been complaining rather insistently to WikiProject Comics about them (and have made fixes here and there), but nobody there seems seriously interested in helping to clean those articles up.
      I hear you. Too few of our articles are at a stage when they are actually useful rather than bweing placeholders. Mass nouns are things like "water" which don't take a plural. --MarchOrDie (talk) 11:32, 29 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      Which is perhaps why I (and the textbooks and dictionaries I teach with) prefer the term "uncountable". Both the Genius (for Japanese-learners of English) and Oxford Advanced Learner's dictionaries clearly list words like "economics" and "politics" with a "U" eclosed in a square to indicate uncountability—obviously, they are not masses of anything in the way water is. Nor does there have to be a mass of anything for a countable noun to take a plural form—for example "zero dogs", or "I like dogs" (obviously not indicating a preference for masses of dogs, but for the abstract idea of dogs).
      I picked the Pratt quote above because it showed a variety of uses in a short space, but unfortunately it also shows the sloppiness that the term "comics" unconsciously invites. Even prefessional and academic writers fall into the trap of using "comic" as the adjectival of "comics"—that "s" just begs to be dropped. This is one of the problems Spegelman's proposed "comix" would have solved (can't drop an "s" that isn't there). There are plenty of examples of "comics" being used as a noun adjunct, as in "comics artist", "comics writer", "comics studies" (compare to *"posters artist", "comic writer" (a writer of humour!), *"novels studies").
      WikiProject Comics in its MoS requires "(comics)" to be used for disambiguation for comics-related articles.
      Words like "literally" and "ignorant" are far more often used with their "non-standard" informal meanings than with their formal definitions, but their informal usages would be totally unacceptable in academic (or even vaquely formal) work. As such, similarly widespread sloppy usage of "comics/comic" should be avoided, despite being widespread. In my own writing, I'm use "comics" to refer to the medium, both as a noun and adjective/noun adjunct, which has much precedent, and I am not aware of any widely used alternatives that are less awkward. Curly Turkey (gobble) 03:15, 30 November 2012 (UTC))[reply]
      I don't understand why this is marked "not done". I dispute the change, and have stated my reasons. Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:18, 7 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      Yes, but even though you've explained your rationale for this, I think it breaks 1a. Even if this is a term of art, I think the way it is used in this article currently excludes the possibility that the article can reach the required standard. I may have a workaround though. --MarchOrDie (talk) 11:54, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • "This may have highlighted a difference between the self-images of Israeli and American Jews—the image of the resistance fighter in contrast to the timid and weak diaspora Jew, a perceived self-hatred that one Israeli writer called "the diaspora sickness"" I am not happy with this; is it due weight?
      Given that it took two translations from different publishers to get Maus out in Israel, and User:Piotrus is saying I haven't said enough about foreign reception, I think it is. Please note that "the diaspora sickness" is a direct quote, taken in the context of Maus, and not just some random quote I picked up. Curley Turkey (gobble) 02:13, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      Was the "one Israeli writer" who held this opinion individually notable in the field? --MarchOrDie (talk) 06:37, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      The original was from the Hebrew-language academic journal Ketiv, and was at least notable enough to be qoted in translation by Reizbaum in Mapping Jewish Identities (2000). It's not being presented as a majority opinion, and the whole thing only takes up a single sentence out of seven on the Hebrew publication. In a 38kb article, I'd hardly call that "undue weight". Curley Turkey (gobble) 07:47, 28 November 2012 (UTC))[reply]
      Again, why is this marked "not done"? I offered a rebuttal. Was it insufficient? Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:18, 7 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      I'm still not sure about it; even after reading your explanation I am still not happy that this is due weight. I am sure there will be a compromise wording we can agree on though. --MarchOrDie (talk) 11:54, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

--MarchOrDie (talk) 22:53, 27 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • See also

I may have more thoughts, but that concludes my first pass. --MarchOrDie (talk) 20:33, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • I've marked the items which I believe still to be outstanding, a week after my review. I am happy to haggle or debate any of these points, and some are more important than others, but as they stand I probably still oppose based on the cumulative effect of these. I do this without making another detailed re-reading of the article. Please annotate and/or justify. I think this article is almost there, but I just can't quite support at the moment. --MarchOrDie (talk) 18:08, 7 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Well, thanks for your patience. I think I've either dealt with or justified whatever's left in the article. Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:18, 7 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Please read the instructions at WP:FAC and 1) remove the "not done" templates (they cause errors in archives), and 2) do not alter someone else's text ... if something is not done, add a note, and sign the note so we know who says what. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:42, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

1) I will when I am done and 2) I didn't. --MarchOrDie (talk) 21:46, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The only places I've seen changes being made to text here are when MarchOrDie added a header to Maclean25's support, and when TBrandley moved his own comments to the talk page. Curly Turkey (gobble) 23:02, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Here's a summary of outstanding issues as of 8 December 11 December, so I can remove the templates.
  • "comix" -> "comics" I need to see some kind of thought and consistency going into the choice of words. At the moment I see both spellings being used in what appears to be a willy-nilly way. Does not meet 1a.
    This is totally consistent. The only place the spelling "comix" appears is in the phrase "underground comix" (three occurrences) which is not only standard, but the spelling used in the Underground comix article (in fact, it was moved to "comix" from "comics"), and in one title (changing that is not even an option). Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:24, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Would it be possible to link the first occurrence? --MarchOrDie (talk) 22:39, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    I actually did (and noted it above). Curly Turkey (gobble) 23:02, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    ???? I definitely had moved it up to the first occurrence. Maybe the change didn't save properly...sorry about that! Curly Turkey (gobble) 12:38, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    I meant like this. --MarchOrDie (talk) 23:07, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    I am ok with how this looks now. --MarchOrDie (talk) 21:13, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "comics was seen as a genre" As above, 1a again. Similar issue. Should be possible to choose a wording that avoids this.
    I'm open to suggestions, but I do have to affirm that my usage of "comics" has decades of precedence behind it, and I'm not keen on giving in to the forces that have made comics vocabulary as incomprehensible as it already is. It could use some consistency, and I'm not aware of any other widely-used term for the medium ("graphica", for example, would be shot down in mid-edit). Curly Turkey (gobble) 12:49, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    I've taken care of this. What do you think? --MarchOrDie (talk) 06:33, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    That works well. Curly Turkey (gobble) 07:11, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "This may have highlighted a difference between the self-images of Israeli and American Jews—the image of the resistance fighter in contrast to the timid and weak diaspora Jew, a perceived self-hatred that one Israeli writer called 'the diaspora sickness'" Is this due weight for an article about a graphic novel? 1d
    The option would be to leave its poor reception in Israel a mystery. Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:24, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    No, there may be a third way. --MarchOrDie (talk) 22:39, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    I'd be happy to hear a solution, though I don't really see the problem (it was from a source talking about Maus specifically). Curly Turkey (gobble) 12:49, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    I checked the source on this one and your paraphrase is far too close. Regardless of my 1d concerns, we cannot use this wording and this part will have to be rewritten. Do you think there are any other paraphrases as close as this in the article? --MarchOrDie (talk) 06:46, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Source: "This passage signals the different myths held by and about each—Isreali and American Jews—myths surrounding, for example, the figure of the timid and weak diasporic Jew versus the resistance fighter."
    Mine: "This may have highlighted a difference between the self-images of Israeli and American Jews—the image of the resistance fighter in contrast to the timid and weak diaspora Jew, a perceived self-hatred that one Israeli writer called "the diaspora sickness"."
    I didn't think this was close enough (aside from the adjectives) to be considered "close paraphrasing" as I understood it. I guess it's one of those grey areas I'll have to work harder on spotting. How about:
    Proposed:"Marilyn Reizbaum saw this as highlighting a difference between Jewish communities' self-images, with the Israeli Jew as defender of their homeland, in contrast to the American diaspora Jew as feeble victim, a perceived self-hatred that one Israeli writer called "the diaspora sickness"."
    I'll find the time to go over my sources and make sure there isn't anything else that's this close and report back. Curly Turkey (gobble) 11:51, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    That'd be great. These things are a judgement call of course but that is uncomforably close for me. --MarchOrDie (talk) 18:35, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    The new wording looks better. --MarchOrDie (talk) 10:06, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks. Curly Turkey (gobble) 11:02, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    I edited this to Marilyn Reizbaum saw this as highlighting a difference between the self-image of the Israeli Jew as fearless defender of the homeland, and that of the American Jew as feeble victim,[78] something that one Israeli writer disparaged as "the diaspora sickness".[79][f] --MarchOrDie (talk) 21:13, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "anguishes" -> "agonizes" No, no, a million times no. 1a.
    Maybe it's my eyes, but I don't quite see "agonizes" twinkling any more brilliantly than "anguishes". Curly Turkey (gobble) 12:49, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    You're right. Does "mourn" work better? --MarchOrDie (talk) 21:13, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    I don't think there is any evidence that he did mourn his brother. Art's neurotic, and feels anxiety over the "perfect" brother he has never met. How about "feels anxiety over"? 22:01, 12 December 2012 (UTC)
    Try "grieves for"? --MarchOrDie (talk) 22:10, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Isn't grieving the same as mourning? Either way, it's definitely not the feeling I get from reading the book. Richieu is someone he feels he can never live up to. Richieu can't piss off hisor disappoint his parents, but at the same time, he feels guilt because Richieu suffered through (and didn't survive) the Holocaust, while Art grew up safely in middle-class America. Mourning and grieving don't really come into it. Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:16, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    I see what you mean. I think this is grieving, though perhaps not mourning. Would "suffers distress" or "suffers anguish" work for you? I prefer the former. --MarchOrDie (talk) 22:24, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Done. I've changed it to "suffers anguish". Curly Turkey (gobble) 23:23, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The genre of Maus proved difficult to classify..." -> "Maus proved difficult to classify" 1a
    Well, I'm in a pickle here. My reviewers disagree with each other. Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:24, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Oh? How's that? --MarchOrDie (talk) 22:39, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    As I mentioned above, "Maus proved difficult to classify" was my original wording, but I was asked to change it in a previous review (PR? GA? can't remember). Curly Turkey (gobble) 23:02, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Could you dig it out? It'd be helpful to see the comment you are referring to. --MarchOrDie (talk) 23:09, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Ok, I found it, it was User:Grapple X at the Peer Review in April. I think there will be a compromise on this one. --MarchOrDie (talk) 23:27, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    I could've sworn their was another one in which we hashed out a solution before making the change, but maybe I imagined it. I think the original is more eloquent, but the latter possibly more accurate. Curly Turkey (gobble) 12:49, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Something like this work for you? I took out the Pulitzer prize image as it wasn't doing anything but decorating. --MarchOrDie (talk) 18:39, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "a much greater insult in Polish culture than in American culture." Who says this? It sounds silly, but if it's really in the source I suppose we can go with it. Can you clarify what the sentence I highlighted is sourced to? I am definitely not interested in using this form of words to promote bloggish veiled allegations of racism against the author. 1d
    It was in Weschler 2001, published in Lingua Franca. It's also talked about in Hilary Chute's interview with Spiegelman in MetaMAUS. Harvey Pekar also talked about it in his criticisms of Maus. I suppose I could dig up the pages. Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:24, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    I added a citation from the Spiegelman interview with Chute in MetaMAUS. On page 122, Spiegelman is quoted as saying "[...]my metaphor was somehow able to hold that particular vantage point while still somehow acknowledging my father's dubious opinion of Poles as a group." "that particular vantage point" had to do with pigs being out of the cat-mouse food chain, as well as the Nazis' vision of Poles as being a race to be worked as slaves and then slaughtered. What's interesting about the quote is that it seems to me to strongly imply that Spiegelman was aware of the offensiveness of using pigs to represent Poles from the get-go, and used them in part to represent his own father's anti-Pole prejudices. I'd love to work this into the article, but I can't think of a way that doesn't veer near (or into) OR or synthesis territory, as it's not quite explicit. Curly Turkey (gobble) 12:38, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    That's interesting, but what I need a source for is the sentence "He was made to understand that, in Poland, calling someone a swine was a much stronger insult than in the US" because this sounds so far out that it boggles belief. Calling someone a pig or depicting them as a pig is pretty offensive in most Western cultures, and the assertion that it is a much stronger insult in Poland than the US (particularly to an American Jew) is so eyebrow-raising that it requires a very good source indeed. See what I mean? --MarchOrDie (talk) 17:25, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    From Weschler: "But, I asked, what about the issue of having portrayed Poles as pigs? Countless Polish publishers have told me ["me" is Weschler] that if the Poles in Maus hadn't been portrayed as pigs, there'd never have been the slightest problem about publishing the book." Later, quoting Spiegelman: "'The embassy guy nodded politely, but clearly he wasn't buying my explanations. "Mr. Spiegelman," he said gravely, at length, "the thing you don't seem to understand is that in Poland calling someone a swine is a much, much greater insult than seems to be the case here in America. Swine, you see, is what the Nazis called the Poles."'" The MetaMAUS interview basically gives the same story: "[The Polish ambassador]'s explaining that it's really a big insult to call Poles pigs and points out that Hitler called the Poles scwein!" Curly Turkey (gobble) 21:50, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Right. So it is according to the author that he was told that it was a bigger insult in Poland than in the US. So it definitely needs to be reworded to make this clear. --MarchOrDie (talk) 21:57, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    No, first it was according to Weschler, then, in the same article, Spiegelman acknowledged that he was told so by a Polish official. The, in a separate interview, Spiegelman repeated the same information about the Polish official (actually, he's given the same story in a number of interviews). Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:06, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    And my feeling is that it is still highly dubious. I did find Steve Baker's book Picturing the Beast: Animals, Identity, and Representation (ISBN 0252070305) which, on p142 quotes a reviewer (identified in a footnote as being Marek Kohn, in "Paws and Whiskers", The Listener, 10 September 1987, p25) as saying "however you look at it, drawing Poles as pigs is basically an ethnic insult". We certainly can't just reproduce the author's view verbatim. --MarchOrDie (talk) 22:11, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Which isn't what's happening: "He was made to understand that, in Poland, calling someone a swine was a much stronger insult than in the US." The article relates what Spiegelman was told. It doesn't just state it as a bald fact. Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:18, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    What he says he was told, see the difference? Without getting too spooky about it, or using scare quotes or words like "claim", we need to make it clear that this is Spiegelman's version of events here. Otherwise the claim just looks silly. I'd like to include the sceptical book source I found as well.
    So would "He says he was made to understand that, in Poland, calling someone a swine was a much stronger insult than in the US" be sufficient?
    I've added in the "ethnic slur" source. Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:41, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Ok with both. --MarchOrDie (talk) 22:48, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Reworded. I've gone through the sources I have for the article, and I can't find any wording that's anywhere near as close as this one (I only checked in places that looked like likely candidates). Of course, that's in my own judgement. Curly Turkey (gobble) 03:24, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Speaking as a Pole, I don't think there is a major difference, but perhaps a slight one. And if I start thinking about context, even that may be in doubt. I suggest attributing the sentence; should be good enough. Unless somebody can show any study with at least a semi-decent methodology, this kind of claim is really a "gut feeling" type one. And if the author is foreign, sigh, it's probably based on a second-hand story, too. Ugh. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 23:56, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    I've substantially rewritten this section now as I just wasn't comfortable with the tone and the sourcing. --MarchOrDie (talk) 18:35, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Summary My objections have now all been answered by the series of copyedits Curly Turkey and I did here. Before I can support, I need Curly Turkey to check my edits and sign them off, and ideally one other independent quality reviewer to approve this version of the article.--MarchOrDie (talk) 21:13, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Only two small objections:
  1. "mourn", as I noted above This has been dealt with. Curly Turkey (gobble) 04:02, 13 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  2. I don't know if you meant to revert "ethnic Poles" to "non-Jewish Poles". "Ethnic Pole" is used a few other times in the article, and I'm not sure if all "non-Jewish Poles" were depicted as pigs.
Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:16, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
My dislike for "ethnic Poles" is probably related to my distaste for the word "ethnic" and indeed the concept of "ethnicity", which led to the events described in the subject of the article. We run a risk by using this language of appearing to endorse the idea that Polish Jews were not really Poles. See also my point earlier. If the sources use this terminology I suppose I can live with it. Do they? --MarchOrDie (talk) 22:24, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, that would get sticky quickly. Do we start qualifying all the nationalities? "Non-Jewish Germans"? "Jewish Israelis"? The Jews seem to be mice no matter what their nationality—Czech-American Jew Pavel (the psychiatrist), Sweden-born American Jew Art, "ethnic French" Jewish convert Françoise. Americans are depicted as dogs, no matter what their ethnic background (both the "white" soldiers who liberate Dachau and the "black" hitchhiker). The only other ethnicity in the book that I'm aware of that isn't tied to nationality is the Gypsies (as moths).
I think it would be better to stop "anguishing" over the "correct" qualifier, and just follow what the sources do and use "Pole", as I originally was doing. Curly Turkey (gobble) 00:38, 13 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I hear you. I think this is important; Wikipedia should try to follow the sources but at the same time we are bound by policy constraints that an exernal source may not be. This is an important and sensitive one, and it's worth getting right. Third opinion please. --MarchOrDie (talk) 06:29, 13 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Not there, awkward prose in the first two sentences, I didn't read further:

  • Maus is a graphic novel completed in 1991 by American cartoonist Art Spiegelman. In it, Spiegelman interviews his father about his experiences as a Polish Jew and Holocaust survivor.

OK, I skipped down to a random section (find a lot of scare quotes on words that I can't see why quotes are needed), and:

Is this what you meant by the scare quotes (MarchOrDie made the change)? Because if you did, I have to say I feel strongly that this change has done damage to the article. Compare:
Original: In the "present" portions, the pages are arranged in eight-panel grids, but in the "past" sections, Spiegelman found himself "violating the grid constantly" with his unique page layouts.
to:
Changed: In the present portions, the pages are arranged in eight-panel grids, but in the past sections, Spiegelman found himself "violating the grid constantly" with his unique page layouts.
This usage helps avoid confusion by signifying that "past" and "present" aren't being used in their literal meanings. Without them, this passage can be confusing. This is different from:
the 'The New York Times "praised" the book
where the scare quotes are used ironically (I've changed this). Curly Turkey (gobble) 08:07, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
If the words are not used in their literal meanings, how are they being used? --MarchOrDie (talk) 10:06, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
To show their relative positions in the book. The "present" is only the "present" in its context as the frame tale (which takes place in 1978—1979), and doesn't cease to be the "present" even after the big jump in Chapter 8 to 1986. We "return" to the "present" after that postmodern timeslip.
Not using the quotes also introduces ambiguity. What does "the past sections" mean? Previous sections in the book? The quotes preclude the possibility of such an interpretation. It messes with the lead as well: what is "In the present frame tale timeline," supposed to mean? "In the frame tale we are now considering?" Is it at all clear to a reader reading that line the first time what it's supposed to mean? Curly Turkey (gobble) 11:01, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Who calls them "past" and "present"? Who is being quoted? Is it the author? Does the originator of the terms use quotation marks? If it is not a quote, are there two better terms we could use? What two terms do the sources use when discussing these two parts of the book?--MarchOrDie (talk) 16:04, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Wood 1997 uses the terms quoted this way. Others have used, for example, narrative present, narratorial present, "I-now" present, Past and Present, present and past-present. Curly Turkey (gobble) 21:37, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Very good, so let's use "narrative present" here (but without the quotation marks)? It isn't that unusual a literary device or a particularly new one so I'm not buying the idea that it needs to be carefully explained to our readers. --MarchOrDie (talk) 21:42, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Done, though I wasn't arguing that it had to be explained to users, but that the wording as-was was ambiguous and confusing. Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:41, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Initially, criticism of Maus showed a resistance to including comics in literary discourse, ...

SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:47, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Request for comment: ethnic labels

What would be the best ethnic qualifier for those depicted as pigs in Maus?

  • "Poles": Vladek is a Polish national, but is depicted as a mouse since he's Jewish. This is what the sources use, but there are difficulties with it:
  • "ethnic Poles": as per MarchOrDie, it is this "concept of 'ethnicity', which led to the events described in the subject of the article" (that is, the Holocaust).
  • "non-Jewish Poles": as per Curly Turkey, this would require qualifying every race/nationality: e.g. "Non-Jewish Germans", "Non-Jewish Americans" (all non-Jewish Americans are depicted as dogs, regardless of race), etc.

Ethnicity is a sensitive subject. Is there a better way to handle this? —Curly Turkey (gobble) 22:05, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Resolved comments from Cryptic C62:

  • I see a number of one- and two-sentence paragraphs throughout the article. These should be expanded, merged, or deleted.
Done. I've left one one-sentence paragraph in the "Language" section, as it is quite long. Curly Turkey (gobble) 23:52, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't understand why Synopsis is nested under the entirely unnecessary Overview section. As far as I can tell, all of the material in the Overview paragraph could be placed inside Synopsis.
Changed to just "Synopsis". There used to be other sections under "Overview" that have since been moved out. Curly Turkey (gobble) 23:52, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Caption: "Spiegelman continues to attract academic attention and influence younger cartoonists." Are there any images available with illustrate this? The current image is just Spiegelman sitting there.
I suppose I could change the caption. I just wanted to use a photo of Spiegelman, but the only free one I found was from long after the book was finished, so I tried to tie it into the continuing interest in Maus. Curly Turkey (gobble) 23:52, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Oh well, not a big deal. Just something to keep in mind in case a more specific free image turns up later on. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 00:58, 26 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The Criticism section seems to be about two different topics: academic research and literary criticism. The first paragraph, in particular, is not at all what I expected from a Criticism section.
Changed to "Academia and criticism". Curly Turkey (gobble) CüRlyTüRkeyTalkContribs 23:52, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Cool beans. Some might suggest that the two topics should be given separate subheadings, but there is enough of a gray area between academic research and literary criticism that a single subheading is justified (in my opinion). --Cryptic C62 · Talk 00:58, 26 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The volume of academic work done on Maus" I suggest replacing "done" with "published", unless I've misinterpreted this.
Done. Curly Turkey (gobble) CüRlyTüRkeyTalkContribs 23:52, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

-- Cryptic C62 · Talk 23:26, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment Re: nomenclature for the pig/mouse/cat ethnic distinction. :I would advice to do what sources that describe the comic do, instead of agonizing over making the least problematic of a series of problematic choices. In this way the responsibility is not wikipedia's but the responsibility of the sources. If it is necessary the statement could be given in-text attribution. If possible it would be great to find a source that explicitly discusses the way in which the pig/mouse distinction is problematic in that it accepts the notion that Jews as being by definition non-Poles. ·ʍaunus·snunɐw· 23:43, 26 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments Overall it's pretty good, and an interesting read. There are two main problems I'd encourage you to review the article for. The first is that there are several sentences in the article that are quite long strings of phrases, separated by conjunctions, prepositions, and so on. Most of them are unnecessarily wordy and should be rewritten or broken up. I've mentioned a couple of them below. The second problem is that the Synopsis is difficult to follow and is lacking in a few key details, which I've also mention below.
  • Please make sure any image captions that are complete sentences have proper punctuation.
    Done. Curly Turkey (gobble) 21:46, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Epic sentences such as these can surely be rewritten or broken up: "Most of the book is divided between the frame tale of the narrative present, in 1978–79 in Rego Park, New York, in which Spiegelman interviews his father, Vladek, and the narrative past, the story that Vladek tells, beginning in the mid-1930s and continuing until the end of the Holocaust in 1945, when Vladek and his wife Anja emigrate to the US."
    Done. Changed to "Most of the book weaves in and out of two timelines. In the frame tale of the narrative present, Spiegelman interviews his father, Vladek, in Rego Park, New York, in 1978–79. The story that Vladek tells is depicted in the narrative past, which begins in the mid-1930s and continuing until the end of the Holocaust in 1945." Curly Turkey (gobble) 21:46, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Vladek has married a woman called Mala in the time since the 1968 suicide of Art's mother, Anja."
    Done. Curly Turkey (gobble) 21:46, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Vladek begs Art not to include this part of the story in the book, and Art reluctantly agrees." This is oddly placed in the narrative, in the midst of your description of the narrative past. Is Vladek's plea actually in the novel, or is it simply described in Pekar?
    The book weaves in and out of the two main timelines. The story in the narrative past is frequently broken up by commentary in the narrative present. I think the reworded "epic sentence" above makes this clearer. Curly Turkey (gobble) 21:46, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • You gloss over how Art and Vladek went so quickly from being estranged to Vladek relating his experiences. You paint Vladek as a difficult character, one we'd expect to be resistant to reconciliation.
    It's not explained in the book. It appears to me that the estrangement was one-sided on Art's part. Vladek warmly welcomes his son, and constantly tries to get him to stay longer. Curly Turkey (gobble) 21:46, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Need consistency in punctuation in sentences like "In Srodula many Jews" and "In Sosnowiec, Vladek and Anja move"
    Done. Curly Turkey (gobble) 21:46, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why does Vladek address Art as "Richieu" in the end of the narrative?
    I believe this is left up to the reader to figure out. I assume because he's become worn out from telling the story, and has become confused by all the drudged up memories. Curly Turkey (gobble) 21:46, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Poland was the setting for the majority of the book, and Polish was the language of his parents and, he says, was his own mother tongue in infancy." Another sentence that needs rewriting or breaking up. Also, he spoke Polish as an infant? Infants aren't normally prone to conversation.
    Done. Cut up, and dropped "infancy". Curly Turkey (gobble) 21:46, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Not far off. --Laser brain (talk) 17:25, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support I think this is an exemplary piece of research and writing, and I am particularly impressed by the way it navigates the controversies and complex viewpoints with a lot of nuance. I am not going to give a comment on "brilliance of prose" because I basically think this is a ridiculous criterion anyway. What I can say is that reading it I did not stumble on wordings or phrasings and I felt the prose flowed well across paragraphs and sections. ·ʍaunus·snunɐw· 19:43, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by GrahamColm 19:07, 16 January 2013 [26].

Highway 61 Revisited

[edit]
Nominator(s): Mick gold (talk), Moisejp (talk) 04:07, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

This article was brought to GA in February 2011. We then let it sit for a while and have recently come back to it for further polishing. We believe the article now meets FA requirements. We look forward to the FAC process and to addressing any concerns the reviewers may bring up. Thank you. Mick gold (talk), Moisejp (talk) 04:07, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Initial comments - I think you guys have definitely done a solid job, and with strong FAC campaign, it might actually achieve that bronze star :) However, we're here to review, so let's get down to the nitty gritty. I'm not yet convinced, so maybe we can work this out

  • Prose & MoS - don't look bad, but could be tightened in some areas.
    • On his previous album, Bringing It All Back Home, Dylan devoted Side One of the album to songs accompanied by an electric rock band, and Side Two to solo acoustic numbers -> instead of dedicating so much to introduce his previous album, why not try and trim it. I think you can introduce the main differences in between both albums more efficiently
Thanks Call Me Nathan, I think you're right, the opening sentence was ponderous. I've tried to trim it. Mick gold (talk) 09:43, 20 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Critics have written that Dylan's ability to combine driving, blues-based rock music with the verbal subtlety of poetry made Highway 61 Revisited one of the most influential albums ever recorded. -> I think for such a strong statement, it would be better to actually quote a critic and leave a citation
I've inserted one critical quote to back up our strong statement, but left it clear that it's more than one critic. Better? Mick gold (talk) 09:43, 20 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • You seem to have over-linking (LARS, H61R)
I've removed lots of repeated links, including song names, musician names, and critic names. Moisejp (talk) 05:31, 22 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Try to avoid NPOV statements like "hit single". Give us facts and let critics or the readers determine that
Thank you for all of your suggestions, Nathan. In the lead, I've removed the phrase "hit single". I see that we mention more specifics about its hit status later in the lead. I've also removed our statement in Reception that the album was a "hit". As you say, the chart positions and platinum status speak for themselves. Moisejp (talk) 05:50, 22 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Dylan and Kooper then spent the weekend in Dylan's home -> prose need tightening throughout
This has been trimmed. Better? Mick gold (talk) 11:09, 20 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • You seem to rely heavily on quotations; As a friend advised me on my own nomination, it might be best to paraphrase a bit to assure the read isn't interrupted.
  • Content - My main concern is that you pretty much have a song article composition section for every track on the album. This seems excessive. Remember, readers can always visit the song's homepage to learn more information. I think it would be best to wittle it down, and try and make it a solid section, giving only the important vitals on each or most of the songs.
On the previous Dylan article we took to FAC, Blonde on Blonde, reviewers praised the quality of the songs analysis. We could trim the Songs, and see if this is a major concern for other reviewers. I've trimmed the songs critical comments quite a lot. An improvement? Mick gold (talk) 10:14, 20 November 2012 (UTC)'[reply]
I think it looks a lot bigger than it needs to. I suggest removing both the song-title heading and main-article links, and instead incorporating the linked song-name into the prose (see Ok_Computer#Tracks_1.E2.80.936).—indopug (talk) 17:52, 21 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for suggestion, indopug. I've broken down the separate song sections and re-worked the paragraphs to try to substantiate the claim advanced by a critic in our lead that "in an important sense the 1960s started here." Several direct quotes were also turned into paraphrase per Nathan's suggestion. Mick gold (talk) 07:11, 23 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • The "live performances" section reads kind of like a list. An annoying list. Is there not any critical info on any of his performances? Anything of importance aside from throwing a bunch of numbers in our faces?
I have trimmed the section to try to make it less listy and could try to trim it more if necessary. Our intention for this section was that it would convey how important the songs on the album have remained in Dylan's live repertoire. These weren't just songs he wrote in 1965 and forgot about, but most are songs he continues to come back to again and again (to varying degrees). If this relevance isn't as clear as we intended, we'd be very happy to hear suggestions about how to make it clearer. Moisejp (talk) 05:27, 22 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose at this time

  • File:ClarksdaleMS_Crossroads.jpg: the US does not have freedom of panorama for non-buildings, so image page should identify licensing for work pictured as well as photo
  • Significant citation cleanup needed. References mixes cited and uncited sources. Some inconsistencies in formatting (ex Kalet). Some sources of unclear reliability (ex)
  • MOS cleanup needed - overlinking (ex. Desolation Row twice in lead alone), section heading (The songs), etc
  • Some tone/neutrality issues - for example, "Dylan audaciously commences..."
  • Some copy-editing needed for clarity and flow - for example, "Backed by the same musicians from the previous studio session, Dylan no longer employed Tom Wilson as producer.[26] Instead, he was replaced by Columbia producer Bob Johnston, who had lobbied to work with Dylan, although he was not involved in Wilson's dismissal". Nikkimaria (talk) 21:49, 25 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Nikkimaria, thank you so much for your review. I have:
  • removed File:ClarksdaleMS_Crossroads.jpg;
  • fixed the section heading you mentioned;
  • removed many repeated or otherwise unnecessary wiki-links;
  • removed the source of unclear reliability that you mentioned, as well as the info we attributed to it;
  • rewritten the sentence requiring copy-editing (about Wilson and Johnston);
  • fixed the Kalet ref;
  • fixed some instances that may fall under the "citation cleanup" and "tone/neutrality" issues, and in the coming days we will comb the article line by line to see if we can catch any other such instances. Thanks again, Moisejp (talk) 02:35, 26 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I have gone through and removed every reference in the Reference section to uncited sources. (These were all used in previous versions of the article, but we somehow neglected to remove the reference when we edited down the material.) Moisejp (talk) 08:08, 26 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
With regards to "tone/neutrality" issues, I have gone through the article and clarified several instances that the statements are the views of the writers we are citing. Moisejp (talk) 15:11, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Certainly much better than it was. A few more points: first, newspaper/magazine/journal articles for which you do not include a link should include page numbers. Second, I'm still seeing a few MOS issues, particularly around quotations: for example, in "he had to overcome considerable resistance at Columbia Records, to give his album the title, "I wanted to...", neither of the commas are correct. Third, there are some extraneous/trivial details - for example "located at 799 Seventh Avenue, just north of West 52nd Street" is probably a bit much. The most serious issue, in my view, remains tone: for example, "doomy" is colloquial to the point of ambiguity. Nikkimaria (talk) 04:10, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks Nikkimaria, I've responded to some of your copy editing points. Mick gold (talk) 07:42, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Nikkimaria, Mick gold and I have both looked hard but couldn't find any magazine/newspaper articles lacking page numbers. You're talking about in the Footnotes section, not the References section, right? Please let us know if there was one in particular that you spotted. Thank you. Moisejp (talk) 15:00, 5 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Looks like someone's done this, not seeing any more. I've struck my oppose given the improvements here. Nikkimaria (talk) 02:38, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for comment. "A number of" has been replaced by "eleven" (number of outtakes subsequently released) and "several" (number of LARS takes on CD-ROM). As far as I know, no-one has published a figure for the latter. Mick gold (talk) 16:25, 29 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I've changed the links and re-written: "artery" has become "major North American highway", linking to U.S. Route 61 , and Duluth, Minnesota, Bob Dylan's birthplace, is directly linked. Better? Mick gold (talk) 23:18, 4 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Revisiting - Hi guys. I'm going to try and re-review the article. Let's see what I can come up with :)

  • Prose
  • At first glance I'm noticing a lot of "Dylan". It's coming off as repetitive. I think alternating between "Dylan", "he", "the singer" etc. would be a better read
  • The linking is inconsistent. Before, you had over-linking, now you seem to be missing key terms: Studio album, rock music, singer-songwriter (his picture is in the article for goodness sake!)
  • For the first time, -> It reads a bit awkwardly. You're only on the second sentence.
  • Dylan used rock music -> I think there are far more correct ways of saying this.
  • except for the closing 11-minute acoustic song, "Desolation Row" -> This is just my opinion, but I think substituting song for number would be better in this sentence.
  • one claimed that "in an important sense the 1960s started here." -> Especially due to the fact that this comes from a biography, I think you should separate this and attribute the author etc. Also, I believe paraphrasing this would be more efficient; "felt that the 1960s "started" with the album".
Thanks Nathan, I've attempted to implement your suggestions. Mick gold (talk) 06:54, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • over his long career -> I don't think writing long career is necessary.
Not sure I agree. Are you saying the fact that Dylan is still performing these songs on stage, 47 year later, is not notable? Mick gold (talk) 06:54, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Skipping over to the "Live performances" section again. I believe I have already high-lighted major issues with this section above, however they still remain...
  • Dylan first performed every song except one -> first performed? every song except one? Not a good way to start a paragraph.
  • They have remained central, in varying degrees, to his repertoire during Dylan's long career of live performances since then. -> This is just a poorly worded sentence.
  • As I mentioned before, this section needs some buffing. It reads like a repetitive list and lacks cohesion.
Call Me Nathan, thanks a lot for your comments. I have gotten rid of the "Live performances" section, and moved just the second and third sentences from it to the previous section, now called "Reception and legacy". By being in this section, I believe the two sentences emphasize all the more that these songs have remained part of his legacy, in that that Dylan has performed them so often. But I have cut the extra details about the songs that he has performed lessoften, so we hope that it feels less like a list to you now, and that it has more cohesion. My cuts also get rid of the "first performed every song except one" sentence. I have also tweaked the "in varying degrees" sentence to be simpler. If it still doesn't work for you, I can try to tweak the sentence some more. Overall, do these changes address your concerns? Thanks, Moisejp (talk) 15:57, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose – I've had some time to look at the article, and agree that some work is still needed, with regard to language and structure. This is a good contribution though, thus my oppose is flexible and I may withdraw it once I feel that it is no longer appropriate.

  • "The album was innovatory in the way the singer used rock music as his backing on every track" – not sure if "in the way" is very nice here. Maybe try "as".
I have tried out "in that" to replace "in the way". Does that work for you? For me, "as" doesn't sound ideal, but if you don't like "in that" I'll change it to "as". Thanks. Moisejp (talk) 03:48, 5 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
That's perfectly fine. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 09:38, 5 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "innovatory" is not a very common word is it? Why is it used here in place of "innovative"? And does this really mean that Highway 61 Revisted was the very first album to ever have rock music backings on most tracks?
"innovative" done. Mick gold (talk) 21:42, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Penguin, you ask an interesting question. Obviously in 1965 the Byrds and the Rolling Stones released albums which had rock music backing on every track. H61R was different because Dylan was famous for his compositions "Blowin' In The Wind" and "The Times They Are a-Changin'", accompanied solely by his acoustic guitar, so his use of a rock band on every track (except "Desolation Row") was innovative. I've re-written lead to try to convey this. Mick gold (talk) 07:47, 2 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for explaining. It's clearer now. There's just a grammar issue here; "used rock musician as his backing band on every track"; but otherwise it's good. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 21:10, 2 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I have fixed this to be "musicians". Thanks. Moisejp (talk) 21:49, 2 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • What is "driving, blues-based music"?
It's blues-based music with a strong rhythmic element. But to write that would sound pedantic. Is this phrase hard to understand? Mick gold (talk) 23:10, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It sounds a bit odd, but I agree with what you said. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 23:34, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • There are a few redundancies I'm finding, but if you believe they make the prose more readable, that's fine too: "ever recorded" and "around the world".
Removed "around the world". I do think "ever recorded" flows better than just "one of the most influential albums". Or "one of the most influential albums ever" without "recorded". If either of these doesn't bother you, I'd prefer to use one of them. Moisejp (talk) 04:00, 5 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, just cutting "recorded" is good. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 09:46, 5 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Cut "recorded". Moisejp (talk) 15:00, 5 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "'Like a Rolling Stone' was a Top 10 hit in several countries around the world." – "multiple" is weak, because the plural "accolades" already makes this clear. Also "Top 10 hit" should be "top-10 hit". A hyphen is necessary because together, the "top-10" forms an adjective and this should not be capitalized.
Changed to "top-10 hit" in two spots. Moisejp (talk) 23:20, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
WP, if we take out "multiple", the sentence sounds pretty flat. Do you feel "many" is appropriate here based on the content in the article? Or possibly "numerous"? Moisejp (talk) 15:54, 4 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
You raised a good point: "many" should be alright. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 20:08, 4 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Changed to "many" Mick gold (talk) 23:24, 4 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • MOS:QUOTE discourages linking inside quotations.
OK,de-linked inside quote, 2 links moved to elsewhere in section. Mick gold (talk) 21:42, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "met her death" is too informal. Stick to "died".
Re-written. Mick gold (talk) 21:42, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The second paragraph of the Highway 61 section has too many instances of the word "highway", making for repetitive reading.
I replaced a couple of them with "route". It was hard to replace any of the other ones, but let us know whether my change wasn't enough. Moisejp (talk) 23:20, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... and blues legend Robert Johnson was said to have sold his soul to the devil at the highway's crossroads with Highway 49." – weasel-ish wording here as we are not told who claims this.
I've cited the the Johnson story to Polizzotti's book, where the musical history of Highway 61 is recounted in some detail. The story of Johnson selling his soul is mentioned in all the books on Johnson, see Mystery Train, Greil Marcus, p.35; Robert Johnson and the Invention of the Blues, Elijah Wald, p.274; Searching for Robert Johnson, Peter Guralnick, p.43. Mick gold (talk) 22:02, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The repetition of "piece" is slightly unpleasant here: "Out of this dissatisfaction, Dylan wrote an extended piece of verse which he later described as a 'long piece of vomit'."
  • "Dylan told Hentoff that the process of writing and recording 'Like a Rolling Stone' washed away this dissatisfaction, and renewed his enthusiasm for creating music." – cut "the process of". And "restore" is better than "renew" here.
  • "dissastisfied/dissatisfaction" is said three times in so few lines, and it feels repetitious. I would suggest using synonyms for an instance or two, like "frustration".
Above 3 issues addressed. Mick gold (talk) 21:42, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Feel free to disagree, but I don't see the importance of Studio A's street address. It's not useful information for most readers.
Replaced by Midtown Manhattan. Mick gold (talk) 21:42, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
That's much better. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 23:34, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Dylan and his band returned to Studio A the following day, where they devoted virtually the entire session to recording 'Like a Rolling Stone'." – By "virtually", do you mean "almost"? If so, "almost" is the preferable word. Also, "where" is an odd relative pronoun to use here. It's used more with locations, not days.
Mick gold has now fixed this. Moisejp (talk) 23:20, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • We need some clarification as to how "session" is defined. For example, "The first session, June 15 and June 16, was produced..." implies that both days together form one session. But this sentence—Dylan and his band returned to Studio A the following day, where they devoted virtually the entire session to recording 'Like a Rolling Stone'.— implies that day two was a separate session.
Article now reads: "The first block, June 15 and June 16, was produced by Tom Wilson". H61R was produced in two blocks of recording sessions: June 15 to June 16, and July 29 to August 4. I think this is now clearer. Mick gold (talk) 08:20, 2 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "but Dylan and the band continued recording a further eleven takes" – ungrammatical; should be "but Dylan and the band recorded eleven more takes."
Done. Mick gold (talk) 21:42, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After recording multiple takes of..." – see above re. "multiple".
changed "multiple" to "several". There were between seven and ten takes of each of the three songs mentioned. Moisejp (talk) 04:09, 5 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't know where I heard this, but I heard that I should avoid using "not" where possible. E.g. "not satisfied" → "unsatisfied".
I have changed "not satisfied" to "unsatisfied". I did a search through the article to see if there were any other such instances, but there aren't. Moisejp (talk) 23:20, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The music sample caption for "Like a Rolling Stone" says nothing about the song's music, which is the principal reason samples are given: to illustrate the sound.
I think this point has now been addressed by Moisejp. Mick gold (talk) 18:40, 2 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks again for taking a look at the article, WP. We've tried to address most of your concerns and will be looking at the remaining ones in the very near future. Moisejp (talk) 23:23, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
You're very welcome! I'll respond to other points later. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 23:34, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
WP Penguin, have we addressed all of your concerns (for the portion you looked at, at least)? Moisejp (talk) 04:09, 5 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'll do the other half then, very soon. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 09:38, 5 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Watch out for restrictive vs. nonrestrictive: "...a song which has been described as revolutionary in its combination of electric guitar licks". My suggestion: remove "a song", or change "which" to "that".
  • I've noticed that you've chosen to use present and present perfect tenses when attributing to critic or author (eg. "Polizzotti writes that..."). I've thought of it as a journalistic/magazine style of writing. Can you continuously write something, or is it that the words have already been written, so past tense is used?
    I would be quite against using the simple past. The grammar I've learned is that the simple past should normally only used with a time marker in the past, otherwise the present perfect is used. So "In 1983, Bob Smith wrote that..." is OK, but just "Bob Smith wrote that..." by itself is an incomplete idea. If I read that I think, "When did he write... ?" But the present perfect by its nature does not require a time marker, so if you say, "Bob Smith has written that..." it is a complete idea. (Or, in the case of our 1965 reviews section, even though we don't mention 1965 explicitly, the time marker is implicit (1965, when the album came out); here, using the present perfect would be strange, as it is definitely not an open-ended time period--it is finished.) As for using the simple present tense, it may be as you say a journalistic or magazine style, I don't know. But I don't think it is necessarily incompatible with Wikipedia. It is simpler, shorter, more direct, and I feel more elegant that having to constantly use the two words that make up the present perfect. However, if you feel strongly that the present perfect would be better, I'd be willing to change the simple present to that. Thanks, Moisejp (talk) 05:23, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    I appreciate your view on this. Thanks for the explanation. As for present perfect vs simple present, I don't prefer either one over the other. But I see you use both in this article. Why is that? Oops, nevermind, I reread your reply. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 20:11, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think "popular music" instead of "popular song" sounds less strange here: "Polizzotti writes that the composition was notable for eschewing traditional themes of popular song"
  • "Critic Mike Marqusee has cautioned that this composition is probably self-referential" – I feel that "cautioned" is close to crossing the line of POV.
Re-written to eliminate the word "cautioned". Mick gold (talk) 07:22, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "assembles a parade of historical characters" – seems a bit too figurative. Keep things literal and direct. If this is verbatim from a source, it should be in quotation marks.
  • What is meant by "transformed" here: "transformed into a successful businessman" and "transformed into a torturer"?
Changed "assembles a parade" to more neutral "uses a parade". I've written the phrases "represented in this song as a successful businessman", and "described here as a torturer" to make it clear that the song represents Jack the Ripper and John the Baptist in these ways, but that is nor their true historical reality. Mick gold (talk) 07:42, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • And regarding the Ma Rainey reference, I think it should be made clear that the song only portrays her that way, and this is not her in reality.
Re-written to clarify that Ma Rainey (b. 1886) did not actually share a bedroll with Beethoven (d. 1827) and this is a humorous suggestion by Dylan. Mick gold (talk) 07:59, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "For both Polizzotti and Andy Gill, the reality hovering behind the song is the then-escalating Vietnam War; these critics hear the 'king of the Philistines' who sends his slaves 'out to the jungle' as a reference to President Lyndon B. Johnson." – when I begin to read this sentence, I am confused as to who Andy Gill is, and why he is mentioned. Perhaps "For both Polizzotti and critic Andy Gill, the reality hovering behind the song is the then-escalating Vietnam War; they hear the 'king of the Philistines' who sends his slaves 'out to the jungle' as a reference to President Lyndon B. Johnson." (And "hovering" is a bit colloquial.)
Both Polizzotti and Gill are critics who have written books on Dylan's 1960s albums. (The phrase "both critics" occurred in the sentence after their names were mentioned.) I've now introduced them with the words "For critics Mark Polizzotti and Andy Gill, the reality behind the song..." I've removed the word "hovering" which is probably borderline POV. Then the next clause begins "both writers hear..." Mick gold (talk) 07:10, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sentence fragment: "When Dylan and his band returned to recording 'It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry' on July 29, 1965."
Made sentence complete. Mick gold (talk) 08:10, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "present" as in "who was present at the recording session" is redundant, as the same meaning is conveyed without the word.
  • A question for Mick gold and for anybody else: Tony Glover was present in the studio as a guest, not as a participating musician, right? Does removing "present" make this less clear? Or, even if we leave it in, will readers assume he was there as a musician? (Or maybe it is irrelevant why he is was in the studio (as a musician or as a guest)?) Moisejp (talk) 05:59, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Changed this to "Tony Glover, who observed the recording session, has recalled..." to make it clear that Glover noted the interaction of Dylan and his band, but Glover did not play on the album. Mick gold (talk) 08:10, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
That's much clearer. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 20:11, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "excoriating" is a bit strong. Would "criticizing" be OK?
Changed to more neutral "looks at the media". Mick gold (talk) 08:01, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Because Bob Dylan is American, we should use American English. (eg. "realises" should be "realizes").
  • As seen above (this is from the Side one section), a major concern I have is the tone and writing style. It isn't bad, but there is some colloquial language, and not-exactly-neutral wording. My suggestion would be to give the Songs section a quick copy edit, so that the prose is presented nicer. Feel free to ask questions! —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 00:07, 6 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'd recommend a citation for this one: "Dylan commences the title song of his album, 'Highway 61 Revisited', with the words 'God said to Abraham "Kill me a son'/Abe said 'Man, you must be puttin' me on".'"
  • "Gill comments that it is befitting that this song celebrating a highway central to the history of the blues is the fastest, most raucous blues boogie on the album." – I think commas around "celebrating a highway central to the history of the blues" would make the sentence a bit more readable, if that's OK. It took some rereading to understand what the sentence meant.
  • Is the word "whores" fine to use here, not in quotes: "where the narrator encounters sickness, despair, whores and saints, corrupt authorities, alcohol and drugs before resolving to return to New York City"? Why not "prostitutes"?
Re-written to clarify that "sickness, despair, whores and saints" is a quote from from Shelton's account of the song. Mick gold (talk) 08:14, 16 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would immediately cite this one too: "The song opens with a report that 'they're selling postcards of the hanging', and adds 'the circus is in town'."
  • Titanic should be italicized.
  • This should have a citation as well: "As he had on his previous three albums, Dylan contributed his own writing to the back cover of Highway 61 Revisited, in the shape of freeform, surrealist prose: 'On the slow train time does not interfere & at the Arabian crossing waits White Heap, the man from the newspaper & behind him the hundred inevitable made of solid rock & stone.'"
On the page devoted to Highway 61 Revisited on official Dylan website, there is a tab with word "Discover". Clicking on "Discover" brings up page which reproduces Dylan's liner notes for H61R and also the credit list of musicians who played on album. We used this cite for Dylan's credit for playing "police car", so I've repeated cite for quote from liner notes. Mick gold (talk) 07:58, 16 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • And this: "Biographer Anthony Scaduto writes that it may be 'one of the most brilliant pop records ever made. As rock, it cuts through to the core of the music—a hard driving beat without frills, without self-consciousness.'"

I feel that soon my "Oppose" will have to be withdrawn as this article has improved greatly. Sorry for the delay however; I've been busy lately. Cheers. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 23:01, 15 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Have removed my "oppose", and may follow up with more comments soon. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 03:11, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • This has been discussed below, but I strongly think the lead should briefly introduce Bob Dylan in some way. Similar to what MathewTownsend said, I agree "American singer" is unspecific. But something different would really set some context for someone who's never heard of Bob Dylan (very few people, but you get my point!).
The FA on Bob Dylan describes him as an American singer-songwriter. I think this is an adequate description, now added. Mick gold (talk) 16:26, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I've notice you say "successfully recorded" and "recorded successfully"? What is meant by that? Can something be recorded unsuccessfully?
I would argue it is possible to unsuccessfully record a song. During June 15–16 recording sessions for H61R, Dylan and his backing musicians recorded "It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry" and "Sitting on a Barbed Wire Fence". These recordings did not make it onto the H61R album and they were not released. They were released 25 years later on Dylan's The Bootleg Series Volumes 1–3. At the time, Dylan did not regard them as successful recordings and did not release them. Biographies of Dylan are full of stories of his making recordings and not releasing them because he finds them unsatisfactory or unsuccessful in some way. Let me know if you find this unsatisfactory as a response. Thanks, Mick gold (talk) 08:02, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
True; that makes sense. Thanks. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 12:31, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Needs citation: "Kramer captured Dylan sitting on the stoop of the apartment of his manager, Albert Grossman, located in Gramercy Park, New York, placing Dylan's friend Bob Neuwirth behind Dylan 'to give it extra color'."
The information in the first 2 sentences of "Packaging" comes from Highway 61 Revisited, 2006, Mark Polizotti, pp.5 - 7. To put a cite after every sentence seems excessive to me, but in light of your query, there is now a cite after both the first and second sentences. Mick gold (talk)
Thanks for implementing the suggestion. The sentence had a quotation, and as I've interpreted WP:INCITE, they must always immediately precede a citation. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 17:47, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Where are the track list and personnel adapted from? Maybe cite album notes?
Track listing and Personnel now cited. Mick gold (talk) 08:33, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I just checked ten random FA album articles, and only one of them had a total length of the album in the track list. Is it OK if we don't add it? If you feel strongly that it would be better, I guess we could add up the song lengths. But I'm not 100% sure whether if there are gaps between songs, these get counted in the song lengths and how this affects the total length. Moisejp (talk) 05:52, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Removed fused participle. Moisejp (talk) 05:10, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Consistency needs to be checked on whether the album is referred to as Highway 61 Revisited or Highway 61.
  • It is true that we use both. The reason, I believe, is simply that we mention the album title so many times that it would sound very repetitive and "weighty" (if that's the right expression) if we used the full title each time. There are also at least a few instances where long song titles are shortened after their first mention: "It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry" → "It Takes a Lot to Laugh"; "Sitting on a Barbed Wire Fence" → "Barbed Wire Fence". Do you feel strongly that this is inconsistent or unencyclopedic? Moisejp (talk) 13:09, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • One of the things I've wanted to comment on before I am confident that I can support this nomination's promotion is as follows. It's a concern that may be met with disagreement to some degree, but I feel that the Reception and legacy section is quite dense on quotation. The format is that one writer said this excerpt, and that repeats for a few paragraphs. The third paragraph particularly stands out as being repetitive, but revision of other parts would not hurt either. Quotations are interesting and accentuate critics' opinions, but too many hurt the flow and the main reason for this section—not to aggregate all reviews and reportings but to describe and give an overview of the general response from critics, reporters, authors, etc. (the consensus). If some of the quotations can be paraphrased and/or trimmed, the article would improve in its readability, flow and general prose quality. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 23:18, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
WP Penguin, I support the paraphrased and reduced quotations edited by Moisejp in response to your criticism of Reception and legacy section, with one exception. I feel it is wrong to lose Phil Ochs' reaction since an important part of the significance of H61R was the impact it made on contemporary artist. Without Ochs, we have Larkin, a succession of music trade papers and 2 critics. Mick gold (talk) 18:21, 16 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
That's fine. I agree that Ochs' quotation is valuable in describing the legacy of the album. I think it looks better now, but a little bit more work is still needed w.r.t. paraphrasing. It's not an easy thing to do, but I strongly think it will improve the writing and flow. 19:07, 16 January 2013 (UTC)
  • Comments by MathewTownsend
I feel there's a misunderstanding here. The lead states: "Critics have written that his ability to combine driving, blues-based music with the subtlety of poetry makes Highway 61 Revisited one of the most influential albums ever" - the Easter egg blues-based is actually a link to rhythm and blues when it should be linked to Blues. Dylan wasn't R&B. The musicians listed farther down in the article under "Dylan and Highway 61" are blues musicians (with the exception of Elvis Presley, but who was not an R&B musician). I tried to change the link to blues-based but was reverted. I'd be very surprised if many "critics" think Dylan's album was rhythm and blues-based.
Also, "Critics have written ... makes Highway 61 Revisited one of the most influential albums ever" - this is quite a statement and seems a bit POV for the lead, even if some critics said that.
And calling Dylan a "singer" seems pejorative to me. I know that wording was suggested to you, but that makes him sound like the front singer for a band when he was so much more. MathewTownsend (talk) 20:37, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, MathewTownsend, I've reverted to blues-based as you suggested. You are right to point out that the musicians mentioned in "Dylan and Highway 61" are blues musicians, and this is also Gray's point about the meaning of the album title. I sometimes find it hard to be clear about the border between blues and R&B. Billboard changed the name of their black music chart from Race Records to Rhythm & Blues Records in 1949, so records by Muddy Waters, Howlin' Wolf, John Lee Hooker were hits on the R&B chart. Mick gold (talk) 00:56, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I've re-written first para to take account of your concern that "makes Highway 61 Revisited one of the most influential albums ever" may seem a bit POV for lead. Mick gold (talk) 11:56, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support; I reviewed this article for GA status nearly two years ago. Having re-read it several times today and reading through all of the comments above, I really cannot see any outstanding issues. The prose is very good, the article is comprehensive and excellently researched. The tone is neutral, the article is stable and of a reasonable length. The article complies with the style guidelines, is well referenced and is illustrated with short sound clips and suitably licensed phtographs. I see no reason why this article should not be granted featured article status. Jezhotwells (talk) 14:59, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Resolved Comments on Reception and Legacy

  • Lead: "It has been described by critics as Dylan's magnum opus" The phrase "magnum opus" does not appear anywhere else in the article. The lead should summarize the body; it should not introduce new material.
Phrase "magnum opus" has been dropped. Mick gold (talk) 17:30, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In September 1965, the US trade journal Billboard praised his "dynamic, deep-thinking delivery" and as being "in top form throughout his story-telling"." The grammar here is a bit wonky. What exactly was "in top form", Dylan or his delivery? If the delivery, cut the "and" between the two quotes and we're good to go. If Dylan, change "praised his" to "praised Dylan for his" and we're solid.
Quote from Billboard has been re-written. Mick gold (talk) 18:50, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Rock culture, in an important sense, the 1960s, started here." Can we check to make sure this is the exact wording used in the source? It got has no grammars.
Michael Gray writes in The Bob Dylan Encyclopedia (2006). p.321: "The whole rock culture, the whole post-Beatle pop-rock world, and so in an important sense the 1960s started here." The quote has been corrected. Mick gold (talk) 17:30, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The Reception and Legacy section makes no mention of covers by other artists. If we are to claim that an album had a "legacy", surely there must be notable covers, yes?
I've added some notable cover versions to this section, but have not finished putting all cites in correct format. Mick gold (talk) 00:24, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I have now cleaned up the cites for the covers Mick gold added. Moisejp (talk) 06:44, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

--Cryptic C62 · Talk 16:46, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Support I made some quick, relatively minor edits last month, and have reviewed some of the other Dylan album articles. Reading it again, I think this article does an impressive job of capturing the history and impact of this album. It's on par with other featured album articles and I have no major reservations. (Btw, wasn't Tempest great? ) --Brandt Luke Zorn (talk) 00:17, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Media check - all OK (own work, fair-use). Sources and authors provided. Some additional comments (no action required):

  • Cover image is fair-use. OK.
  • Three fair-use audio samples is in the upper range compared to other music FA-articles, but some -especially famous albums- use three samples aswell. All samples provide a quite detailed fair-use rationale, covering different aspects of each song. OK.
  • File:It_Takes_a_Lot_to_Laugh.ogg uses 10.18 percent of the original song length instead of 10, but the guideline is "should generally", not "must always". OK in this instance.
  • The other 2 samples have 30 seconds, following the recommended sample length for longer songs. OK. GermanJoe (talk) 09:34, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Source spotcheck: Have a copy of Gill so started checking the stuff attributed to him. I'm surprised that the author's descriptive words are often re-used with little or no variation, and without quote marks, e.g. "least interesting", "most raucous blues boogie", "limitless possibility/ies", "enervated tone" (that's where I stopped). Not as bad as copying entire sentences without quotes, and if it were just one or two instances one might let it pass, but the frequency suggests lazy editing at best, and it doesn't auger well for the paraphrasing of other critics' work. Please walk through the article and double-check this sort of thing (not just Gill). Also:

Critic Andy Gill wrote, "'It Takes A Lot To Laugh' provides a succinct illustration of Dylan's creativity, both in the way it adapts an old blues song, and in the way Dylan recorded two radically different versions of the song: the first, fast and guitar-driven; in his second version, released on Highway 61, Dylan transformed the song into a 'slow, loping, piano-based blues'."

This suggests that all of the above is as it appears in Gill's book, and he's quoting someone else saying "slow, loping, piano-based blues". In fact "'It Takes A Lot To Laugh' provides a succinct illustration of Dylan's" and "slow, loping, piano-based blues" are Gill's exact words and the rest is paraphrasing. You might recast as:

According to critic Andy Gill, "'It Takes A Lot To Laugh' provides a succinct illustration of Dylan's creative processes", both in the way it adapts an old blues song, and in the way Dylan recorded two radically different versions of the song: the first, fast and guitar-driven; in his second version, released on Highway 61, Dylan transformed the song into a "slow, loping, piano-based blues"

Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 01:05, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for comments, Ian Rose. I'll go through Gill, Heylin, Gray. Shelton, Polizzotti, over next 2 days and double check for lazy editing as you suggest. Mick gold (talk) 08:02, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks from me too. It's a start, but I have checked all of the Heylin 1995 and Heylin 2009 quotes and made a couple of changes. I'm satisfied we have quoted and paraphrased properly for these two sources at least. Moisejp (talk) 08:31, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Ian Rose, I've gone through the prose again looking at all cites to Gill, Heylin, Gray. Shelton, and Polizzotti. Some cites altered, some paraphrased, some quotes corrected. I think we have addressed lazy editing. Let us know if you have further concerns in this area. Mick gold (talk) 19:16, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Tks, looks okay now. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 23:33, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 13:48, 13 January 2013 [27].

HMS Tiger (1913)

[edit]
Nominator(s): Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 05:08, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

HMS Tiger was the last British battlecruiser built before the beginning of World War I. The ship participated in most of the major naval battles in the North Sea during the war and was the only prewar battlecruiser not to be scrapped in accordance with the terms of the Washington Naval Treaty. She was finally scrapped in 1931 to meet the terms of the 1st London Naval Treaty. The article just passed a MilHist A-class review and hopefully will not need much work to remedy any deficiencies in the FA criteria.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 05:08, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. Please check the edit summaries. - Dank (push to talk)

  • During the A-class review, I stopped at HMS_Tiger_(1913)#First World War. I've just checked the changes down that far, and they look good. - Dank (push to talk) 22:48, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "practicable speed": practical speed; speed isn't "capable of being put into practice".
    • I'd disagree on this one; practicable in this context means the most speed that your engines can stand. Practical speed doesn't mean the same thing to me.
  • Replace single quotes by double quotes throughout, except around single letters.
  • "to continue to engage": to continue engaging
  • "Almost immediately afterward Lion lost her remaining dynamo": Would be meaning be altered in an essential way by removing "Almost immediately afterward"? (The more adverbs, the more important it is to consider whether the meaning they add is worth the extra words. You rarely need three adverbs at the start of a sentence.)
    • Changed to shortly afterward
  • "This caused Rear-Admiral": See WP:Checklist#because. If a cause-and-effect word doesn't add to the meaning, find a way to drop it.
    • How does it read now?
  • "northeast": "north-east" isn't required, exactly, but it's a lot more common in BritEng. Check throughout. Also, consistency needed on "east-southeast", "east south-east". (Probably go with the former.)
    • Done.
  • "to think that the signals meant to attack Blücher, which was about 8,000 yards (7,300 m) to the northeast. So they turned away from the pursuit of Hipper's main body and engaged Blücher.": to think that the signals meant for him to attack Blücher, about 8,000 yards (7,300 m) to the northeast, which he did, turning away from Hipper's main body.
    • Covered this in your because comment.
  • "Her performance was noted and commented upon by the senior leadership of the Royal Navy: Lord Fisher was moved to write: "The Tiger's gunnery seems to have been villainously bad on January 24, yet she seems to have had a lot of practice."[6] and Pelly was described as a "poltroon".": [If Lord Fisher was the one who called Pelly a poltroon]: Lord Fisher criticised Pelly's performance, calling him a "poltroon" and adding, "The Tiger's gunnery seems to have been villainously bad on January 24, yet she seems to have had a lot of practice." - Dank (push to talk) 23:21, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Done.
  • "he mistimed his manoeuvre and forced the leading British division to manoeuvre": repetition. One option: his mistiming forced the leading British division to manoeuvre
  • These are my edits. Everything else looks good. - Dank (push to talk) 01:08, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support on prose per standard disclaimer. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 04:38, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


Sources and images but no spotchecks

  • File:HMS_Tiger_Jutland_damage_diagrams.jpg: page number?
    • Given in the image info on Commons
  • Check alphabetization of Bibliography
    • Fixed
  • FN10: which Burt?
    • Good catch.
  • Don't need date for Campbell citations
    • Indeed
  • Missing bibliographic info for Brooks
    • How the hell did that happen? Fixed.
  • FN24: need full citation
    • Redundant, deleted
  • FN62: page formatting
    • Fixed
  • Check for doubled periods caused by templates
    • Fixed.
  • Which Greenwich? Nikkimaria (talk) 16:12, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • Infobox-wise
  • the lpp is uncited
  • Deleted.
  • I fixed the deep load displacement number to match the cited prose
  • Base on HMS Queen Mary I would remove '39 × water-tube boilers' from the installed power and summarize the propulsion as '4 shafts, Brown-Curtis direct-drive steam turbines, 39 Babcock and Wilcox water-tube boilers'.
  • I go back and forth on whether the manufacturer should be in the infobox for the machinery or not. According to the revised Ships MOS, the installed power line covers both actual power generated and how it was generated, boilers, etc. Queen Mary was written before that change was made and it's never seemed urgent to update it.
  • Fair enough.
  • The complement is uncited; I assume the citation will give a specific number as well.
  • Good catch.
  • Unless there's some precedence for this I would prefer two lines for the crew w/dates instead of a range; I also had a hard time figuring out why the refits added ~300 men to the ship - are you sure they didn't add additional armament in the 1916/1917 refit?
  • the 3-pounder gun is uncited
  • Deleted as they were saluting guns.
  • In the armament section, I would replace 'To defend herself against torpedo boats, ' with 'Her secondary armament consisted of'
  • Done.
  • She paid off for the last time on 15 May 1931 at Rosyth - I would cut 'for the last time' as redundant and/or use decommissioned to match the other way this was worded in the article.
  • Done.

Comment – why is the "Battle of Jutland" section a sub-section of "Battle of Dogger Bank"? Seems like they should both be level 3 sections. Celuici (talk) 15:50, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thoughts Looks good to me now, support. Ed [talk] [majestic titan] 17:36, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Are there cost estimates from Brassey's and Parkes, like your excellent work on Lion-class battlecruiser?
  • "although it has been suggested that a sister ship named Leopard was considered in the 1912–13 Programme and deferred until 1914 as a sixth member of the Queen Elizabeth class." - Breyer is the only one who has said this, right? Might be worth noting that he specifically is that only one. So something like "Breyer suggested that ... Queen Elizabeth class, but no evidence has been found for this."
  • "but only achieved 104,635 shp (78,026 kW) during her sea trials, although she managed to exceed her maximum designed speed of 29 knots (54 km/h; 33 mph) by a small margin" - interesting. Do you know what caused this? Was it because she had almost no weight aboard during the trials? The hull was more efficient than predicted?
    • Reading Roberts a bit more carefully, her speed using forced draught was intended to be 30 knots, but her builders were not responsible if this could not be done. I corrected a typo in that her designed speed was 28 knots, not 29. Unlike the Italians in the interwar period, and destroyer builders of all nations, the Brits were pretty realistic in running the high-speed trials of their heavy ships and generally ran them at realistic loadings. And they, at least until 1915, ran them in shallow water, which tends to reduce speed. Relating hull shape, engine output and propeller design has only recently become more of a science than an art.
  • "giving a total fuel supply of 7,140 long tons (7,250 t) which compared very favourably to Queen Mary's total of 4,800 long tons (4,900 t)" - 'very favourably' means 'much better' here, right? Right now it reads 'was similar, but only slightly better' to me.
  • "Originally Tiger carried 300 rounds per gun, but this was reduced during the war to 150 rounds per gun." - why?
    • Campbell doesn't give a reason, although the trivial weight reduction involved pretty much rules that out as a possible reason.
  • "On 23 January 1915, a force of German battlecruisers under the command of Admiral Franz von Hipper sortied to clear the Dogger Bank of any British fishing boats or small craft that might be there to collect intelligence on German movements." - this seems like a gross overreaction (battlecruisers are a rather large response to fishing boats). Is there any more background that you can give?
    • There's not much more available than that. The order came from von Ingerohl to Hipper so I suspect it was one of these things where the Germans were poised to run from whatever they couldn't fight.
  • Was Tiger a "Splendid Cat"? I thought that was the Lion class.
    • Strictly speaking you're correct, but the term seems to have been loosely used to cover all of the 13.5-inch gunned BCs.
  • "Although by the 1930s Tiger was still in fair condition and was not a terribly old ship, her death knell was sounded by the London Naval Conference of 1930, during which Tiger was sacrificed by the Admiralty as part of an overall reduction in world battleship fleets." - an unfortunate day. :-) Ed [talk] [majestic titan] 00:09, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Please see WP:FAC instructions and remove the green templates: they slow down the page and cause template limit errors in FAC archives. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 20:48, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Done. Thanks, Sandy. - Dank (push to talk) 22:36, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 13:48, 13 January 2013 [28].

Skye

[edit]
Nominator(s): Ben MacDui 10:41, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Well I just got in from the Isle of Skye
I'm not very big and I'm awfully shy
The ladies shout as I go by
Donald Where's Your Troosers?"
Or, if you prefer: This Scottish island article has been a GA since 2008, was peer reviewed the following year by the ubiquitous stirring flea, and is belatedly presented as an FAC. My thanks to Michael Glass for a recent copy edit and to Akerbeltz for assistance with Gaelic-related matters. Ben MacDui 10:41, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment Nice article. Meets comprehensiveness, in my opinion. Needs some work on the prose, as a few minor infelicities caught my eye. What's going on with the formatting of the Geography section? Huge white space on my (Firefox, large monitor) setup. Fuller review to follow. --John (talk) 12:23, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for your quick response. White space - I have Firefox 17 for Mac and I don't see it on narrow or wide displays. Do you have the "Pronunciation" infobox on "show"? Ben MacDui 12:51, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'm using FF17 for Windows on 1650x1050 and I see a large and quite odd-looking whitespace with the "Pronunciation" infobox on "hide". Is this the problem? Does it need to be so big? --John (talk) 13:01, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I have moved the "Pronunciation" infobox so that it is next to the "Overview of population trends" for now. This may fix this problem - or compound the existing ones! Its size is simply a function of the Gaelic words in the article, but it could be cut down if need be. I think 'Mac Na Mara' is fairly close to the English, for example. Ben MacDui 14:43, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Now has a horizontal population table and the pronunciation box is moved to the Gaelic sub-section. Please let me know if there are still problems. Ben MacDui 20:05, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments: Great subject. Just to ask why the tables in "Overview of population trends" are under one another, and why there is a split at all between 1755-1931 and then 1955-2001? If there is a specific reason for this, could it be explained in a note?
Another point; the "History" section doesn't feel entirely comprehensive because it stops after the 1880s. I can't find any mention of the new road bridge that the lede introduces. MasterOfHisOwnDomain (talk) 13:25, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Overview of population trends" - this is split only to allow the tables to be floating left and centre i.e. side by side, which is how they appear on my browsers (including the printable version). An anon IP amended the tables so that they were one long one a few weeks ago, so it may be that you are not alone. I don't know why this should be and I will have to look into it.
History. Post the table it did mention WW1, but I have added a sentence about the trad. county and the years of 20th century decline. I can expand a little on this too if you prefer - it's largely a story of neglect and decay.
The Skye Bridge is referred to in the transport section - it wasn't opened until 1995. Ben MacDui 14:29, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Now has a horizontal population table and the pronunciation box is moved to the Gaelic sub-section. Please let me know if there are still problems. Ben MacDui 20:05, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done

  • "After this rebellion the clan system was broken up and Skye became a series of landed estates." - source?
With some exceptions this is what happened throughout the entire Highlands and Islands, so it's not Skye specific. There is a short overview here and I have added a Jim Hunter ref.
  • "Even if this estimate is inexact the population of the island's largest settlement has probably increased sixfold since then. During the period the total number of island residents has declined by 50 per cent or more" - it's unclear whether this is meant to be supported by Note 4, or whether another citation is needed
The info re the current population of Portree appeared in the "towns" sub-section and the change in island population in the table immediately above these remarks. I've added two "ref name=" citations to this para here.
  • "There are about a dozen large landowners on Skye, the largest again being the public sector, the Department of Agriculture owning most of the northern part of the island." - source?
It can be surprisingly difficult to obtain exact information, but Andy Wightman's database is now added as a ref. It isn't clear which of the Scottish Government directorates is in charge, but according to Issie MacPhail (added as ref) ownership was transferred from the Dept of Agric to SEERAD and probably thence to the Environment Directorates and then to the Enterprise, Environment and Digital Directorates, but without phoning a civil servant and asking it's hard to be sure. I changed it to "Scottish Government", which is a little vague, but sourced.
  • Ranges should consistently use endashes
I can't disagree, and done, (although come the Revolution I may change them back, just for fun). :)
  • FN5 should be endash not hyphen, check for others
No comprende. Assuming this is General Register Office for Scotland, then this is the title of the report as supplied by SG. We need to amend official titles?
Others are "Pràban - The Home of fine Scottish Whisky", "Mylo - Biography" and The Highlands and Islands - a Royal Tour, all likewise.
Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style#Typographic_conformity argues for changing hyphens/dashes in quotations to the MOS-accepted version, and I would argue this would extend to web titles too. Possibly also the Jennings title. Nikkimaria (talk) 14:19, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Don't abbreviate months
Livingstone fixed. The other was a template transclusion, also fixed.
  • Be consistent in whether you include locations for publishers and if so how these are notated
I'll check this over asap.
Done - locations should now only be in citations only appear for newspapers/magazines/reviews, but not websites.
  • FN10: pages?
I don't have this document and I assumed it was a relatively short supplement. I have asked someone who does, to help. If not, it's easy enough to find an alternative.
No sign of a reply so I have made the replacement along with a minor change in wording to reflect the new sources here.
  • Newspaper articles without weblinks should include page numbers
What a pest. I have the cuttings, but omitted to keep the entire paper or note the page. Linked
  • FN20: formatting
Martin, Martin? Not sure what the problem is - "A Description of The Isle of Skye" is a short chapter in "A Description of The Western Islands of Scotland". There are no page numbers as such in the on-line document, but I have added the pdf-determined pages in the quoted source to the refs.
  • FN36: link is broken, as is FN49 - check for others
FN36 - "Aesthetics, morality and bureaucracy: A case study of land reform and perceptions of landscape" - the site is a bit funky. You have to search for the title via the Google search facility, and when you access it, it simply downloads with no discrete page title as far as I can ascertain.
FN49 - removed as the facts are covered by FN48.
I will check the rest asap.
Done. Sabhal Mor is not connecting but as this is the official college website I assume it is just down temporarily. (It's now back up and running). Ben MacDui 16:44, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • FN65: formatting
I thought this was OK, but I have broken one link and added another here, which hopefully fixes the problem.
" cupofwonder" may sound a bit iffy but at least it provides the track titles and lyrics, which the "official" Tull site can't be bothered to do. There are various others of a similar nature, but they don't seem to add anything.
.theskyeguide is an interesting one and an issue I come across from time-to-time. Is someone who has lived in a remote area for a lifetime and who provides photographic evidence (which he may have borrowed from geograph.org as indeed did Commons) a reliable reference, even if they cannot claim to have the relevant PhD? I have added a duplicate ref from Canmore, which will surely suffice, so Mr. Allan can be removed if he offends.
  • FN73: page?
I think it's a small pamphlet. I don't have it and have replaced it with a ref from the Skye Museum of Island Life. It seems to me this is a reasonable ref, although their webmaster needs to do better with the opening sentence on that page. One notices that the wording is quite similar to this article. Somebody, somewhere is being naughty.
  • FN88: formatting
Hmm. Temp:Cite news grumbles that "If you specify |archiveurl=, you must first specify |url=." and the url is of course dead. I have killed the template and used the style as elsewhere and the one other ref where it was used. Fix.
  • Publisher for Boswell?
Fixed - I'd appreciate it if you could check that the formatting is correct however. I don't usually use these templates.
  • Don't mix different citation-template families.
Fixed.
  • Nikkimaria (talk) 01:01, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    & replies by Ben MacDui 17:40, 30 December 2012 (UTC) and at 17:40, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • When using website names as publishers, be consistent in whether they're capitalized (ex. FN53 vs 60).
  • FN72: date formatting (unless this is the given title, in which case suggest the whole thing be in quote marks to match FN23).
  • FN81, 82, 130: formatting. You can use hand-coded citations alongside templates, but only if the formatting is the same.
  • FN84, 96: spell out acronym.
  • FN90: given the length of this document, suggest including page numbers.
  • Why no link on FN111?
  • WP:IMDB. Nikkimaria (talk) 14:19, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    All attended to bar one. I didn't know about IMDB, so thanks for that. The exception is re FN81, 82, 130.
81- is the same as 85 and they are similar to other web refs, save that there is clearly an author in these two cases.
82 looks the same as say 100 to me.
130 - now 131. Amended per 98. Ben MacDui 17:20, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Comments from Jim I'll probably take a couple of passes at this. Generally a convincing attempt at a major topic, but some queries
  • I don't think the lead is adequate. It's a bit thin, and entire sections, like (understandably?) climate are omitted
Have done. I hope you are not suggesting that the climate might be in some way inadequate... : )
  • I don't like those left-aligned images stuck unpleasantly across headings
I'm obviously not seeing what others are seeing so please check that moving the Viking canal right and Dunvegan Castle up have fixed this.
  • The population trends table is mostly unreadable on FF, I don't know if that's because of the Gaelic pronunciation table?
I fear there are other issues. I will attempt to fix this next.
Now has a horizontal population table and the pronunciation box is moved to the Gaelic sub-section. Please let me know if there are still problems. Ben MacDui 20:05, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • There are quite a few overlinks, suggest running the duplicate detector script (follow the Scripts tab at the top of my user page if you don't have it)
I hadn't come across the duplicate link scripts before - that's very handy and many thanks for that. Hopefully fixed.
  • Refs 90&92 are showing red on the FF WOT add-on, suggests there may be some privacy or other issues with these links.
I don't have an FF WOT(?). I have been using Featured list tools, which seemed happy enough, although the links are certainly dead. One fixed. Mylo.tv seems both dead and untrackable with Wayback. I have removed the relevant text about his local performances, which may not be very recent in any case.
I'll go through the text in more detail when these more general issues are considered.
  • Gaelic, Norse and English speaking peoples—need some hyphens, methinks
  • Skaldic—I don't know what this means and no link
  • South-westerlies the most common—word missing
  • declined from over 20,000 to around 9,200 in the early 21st century—I'm not clear when the 20,000 refers to
  • baptized —this appears to be the only AE/Oxford – ize in the article, doesn't strike me as particularly appropiate
  • archeological—typo/AE
  • clearances—inconsistent capitalisation
  • Oyster—should be lc if linked to current family article, or capped and linked to a particular species
The above are all attempted here. Archeological is a stray Americanism according to Wiktionary.
  • The cited books don't all have a publisher location
Done. Ben MacDui 12:06, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Many thanks for your support and patience. I will link said shellfish - and all the best for 2013. Ben MacDui 14:55, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose: Really sorry about this. This is an impressive piece of work, and article looks really, really good, but just from reading the lead I have found quite a few little issues with the prose. Nothing major, but perhaps should have been caught before FAC. It is a simple case of polish, and I suspect from a scan through that there are no major prose problems in the article. This is far from set in stone and I will be more than happy to strike once these issues are addressed. I look forward to supporting once I have been through the rest of the article. Sarastro1 (talk) 22:14, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • "a mountainous centre dominated by the Cuillin hills, whose rocky slopes provide some of the most dramatic mountain scenery in the country.": Should not be "whose" as the hills are not a person. "the rocky slopes of which"?
Done.
  • Also, "dramatic" suggests editorial judgement.
I see you have not been there! Slesser waxes lyrical: "of all the mountains in the British Isles, these have the most dramatic form". Ref added.
  • "Although it has been suggested that the first of these Gaelic names": these? Presumably the ones mentioned in the first sentence, but it is a little disconcerting, given that the last sentence has no connection with this, to read "these Gaelic names".
Fix attempted
  • "has a colourful history": More editorial judgement?
A fair cop. Removed.
  • "especially the Clearances that replaced entire communities with sheep farms": My rather ropey grammar is ringing alarm bells over "that". I'm pretty sure it should be "which" as it is a non-restrictive clause.
Your ropey grammar is better than mine, which barely qualifies as stringy. Done.
  • "Forced emigrations were a significant factor in resident numbers declining from over 20,000 in the early 19th century to around 9,200 in the early 21st century": Something a little off here, perhaps just the sentence lacking focus. Maybe "Resident numbers fell from over 20,000 in the early 19th century to around 9,200 in the early 21st century—forced emigrations [explain what these were?] were a significant factor in this decline."
Fix in place, with possible explanation of forced emigrations to follow.
Forced emigrations - we have an article on ethnic cleansing, which this process resembles, although there are differences and I have not linked the two in the lead. I can't see any other obvious candidate for linking. I am not sure an explanation is necessary in the lead and there is an example in the relevant history section.
  • "Nonetheless, in contrast to many other Scottish islands, this latter figure represents a 4 per cent increase from the census of 1991.": I don't think we need "nonetheless" and "in contrast". Also, it is strange to read that the last figure is an increase when it is framed as a decline in the previous sentence. And what is the contrast? The figure itself (which the sentence currently seems to suggest in its wording) or the increase since 1991? I would suggest rewording the whole thing. Maybe "In contrast to many other Scottish islands [how many? Some? Most? All? A few?], Skye's population increased by 4 per cent between 1991 and 2001 [is this when the numbers come from, or is it 2011? Some more precision, I think]." And I'm still not happy with the same number showing both a decline and an increase in consecutive sentences.
Will need to check the stats on increases and declines. Running out of time right now.
Added info about a "reduction in Scottish island populations of 3% for the same period". Amended wording to deal with the consecutive sentence issue.
  • "Although their numbers are in decline, the residents include a significant percentage of Gaelic speakers": Again with the declining! Also, what is the connection, as suggested by "although" between the declining numbers and the "significant" [how significant is significant?] number of Gaelic speakers? Maybe just cut the first part of the sentence before "the residents" as the decline point has already been made.
Ah - the Gaelic speakers are in decline, not the total population. I have moved this around and added the latest estimate of numbers.
  • "known for its picturesque harbour": A bit more judgement?
Not guilty m'lud. "Portree picturesque" provides Ghits. VisitScotland may be one of the few that is an RS but Murray mentions its "finest harbour" status.
  • "and is now linked to the mainland": Suggests that this is recent. Perhaps give a date?
Done
  • "The island is renowned": And again we are in danger of sounding like a tourist information leaflet.
Downgraded to "well-known".
  • "The local flora of is dominated": Missing word?
Fixed.
  • "Skye has provided the backdrop for various novels and locations for several feature films and is celebrated in poetry and song.": Could this be made more concise; for example "Skye has provided the location for novels and feature films and is celebrated in many songs and poems."
Done.
Your sorrow is misplaced. I should be apologising for my journeyman writing skills - I am grateful for your corrections. A good New Year to you and congratulations on your WikiCup achievements. Ben MacDui 14:58, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Lead corrections completed. Ben MacDui 16:35, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Struck oppose now. And I think you may be confusing me for someone else as I've never had anything to do with the Wikicup. Sarastro1 (talk) 18:25, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Ah. That was of course Sasata, whose knowledge of cricket may be deficient by comparison. A senior moment. Ben MacDui 12:29, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

More comments: Read to the end of the Geography section now. Looking good, just a few minor points. I've done some minor copy-editing, but feel free to revert anything I have messed up or that you don't like. Sarastro1 (talk) 18:25, 1 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • "The main peninsulas include Trotternish in the north, Waternish, Duirinish, Minginish and Strathaird to the west and Sleat in the south. Surrounding islands include Isay, Longay, Pabay, Raasay, Rona, Scalpay, Soay and Wiay.[1][17] ": Getting a little listy here? My attention wondered partway through.
Delistified.
  • "W. H. Murray that "Skye is sixty miles long, but what might be its breadth is beyond the ingenuity of man to state"": I'm not too sure what this means.
It's a reference to the irregular shape of the island. I'll add a Note. Done.
  • "some of the most dramatic and challenging mountain terrain in Scotland": Says who?
Copied "dramatic" ref from above - on the same page Slesser states of the Black Cuillin that they : "present acres of vertical rock... [and are] ... the ultimate challenge to the hill-walker ". I think the sentence that follows also provides the information that cites the challenging nature of these hills, but I can add further refs if need be.
Added a link to Rock climbing. In short, to climb the In Pinn you need a skilled guide and a rope. All the other hills are accessible to the hill walker. Ben MacDui 12:29, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Final comments, leaning support: Read to the end now. Just a few more minor issues. Overall, a fantastic article and I will be happy to support once these are addressed. Sarastro1 (talk) 20:14, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • First paragraph of "Prehistory" mentions a few links between places. Is it worth explaining how we know? Or is that too much? (Asking here, rather than suggesting)
Added a phrase about mudstone tools.
  • "Loch na h-Airde, which is situated close to the ruins of a promontory fort, is linked to the sea by the artificial "Viking canal" and there are remains of prehistoric settlement dating from the Neolithic, Bronze and Iron Ages nearby.": The mention of the fort (is this Mesolithic?) and the "Viking" is a bit confusing here as we are mixing historical periods. Also, should settlement be plural here (although settlement works OK, it sounds slightly off).
I have reworded the para and added a few clarificatory details. I think settlement singular is OK in this context - the area of flat land that seems to have been used is only about 200m2 in extent with the fort less than a third of a km away.
  • "although the historical record is weak": Perhaps "sparse" may be better, as the historical record is patchy for just about everywhere in this period and weak suggests comparison.
Done
  • "Three Pictish symbol stones are known from Skye and a fourth from Raasay.": Known? Does this mean they were found there, or just recorded as existing there.
Clarified.
  • "Gaelic": This section is slightly hard reading as a list of figures. Could it be made more narrative, or perhaps the figures included in a table?
I cut down on the detail a little, which I hope helps. The source is on-line and has ample extra detail for those who want it.
Done.
  • "The unemployment rate in the area tends to be higher than that for the Highlands as a whole, and is seasonal in nature.": Any explanation for this?
Tourism for the latter, which I have added. Relative remoteness is probably the explanation for the former but I can't see an explanation in the source. There are some stats from 2009 but from the even wider area of Lochaber, Skye and Wester Ross, and they don't seem to offer a rationale.
I added a short anecdote and demoted one species, which breaks up the birds a bit. Any other suggestions gratefully received. Ben MacDui 19:48, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support: (I did some slight copy-editing) More than happy to support now. A really interesting article and a very readable one. Great stuff. Sarastro1 (talk) 20:11, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks indeed for your input and patience. Ben MacDui 21:29, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

supportcomments. Lovely article. Some minor queries.

  • I feel using"strath" rather than, say, "valley" may be carrying the Scottish English too far, wiki link notwithstanding. As a Scotiish-born Australian I am reasonably familiar with common scottish English words, but I'd not seen this one before.
"Strath" is the word used by Murray, but I have hidden it with a piped link.
  • what do people think about rum not being in the list of surrounding islands, but being visible on the map and then later being referred to as a nearby island?
The list is not comprehensive - see Template:Skye at the foot of the page. Rum is one of the Small Isles and Haswell Smith (2004) has the two in separate sections. I piped the link as Rùm is the Gaelic name and the diacritic is really only used here for dab purposes.
  • though the article is generally fabulous, I do not think a 1970 book published by a mountaineering club comes within cooee of being an adequate source for the very pointy claim that generations of uk governments treated the island contemptuously. That's a serious proposition (and I agree with it) and it needs a heavyweight historical reference.
You are sir, talking of the SMC a sort of Scottish MCC, and Slesser was a distinguished academic, if not an historian. Putting aside my mock outrage, it's not difficult to find opinions of this kind relating to the problem in general, e. g. here (after all, populations fell for well over a century when they were doubling and doubling again in genuinely remote locations like the Faeroes) but I'll have to hunt for another one specifically about Skye.
I've added a Hunter ref and a new Note. Let me know if you think I am over-egging the pudding. Ben MacDui 17:28, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
it's a significant claim, so not easily over-egged, and I found the new note interesting. Others may prefer it more concise, but not me. I'm happy with that. Comparing the SMC to the MCC doesn't do the SMC justice :-) hamiltonstone (talk) 21:37, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • the article says the college is in Sleat. Does this mean it is not in any of the settlements? I was a bit confused for a moment because Sleat isn't linked, but also isn't listed among the towns and villages, and I had to go back and re-read, to see it was one of the peninsulas.
I've added a link to Kilmore, Skye.

Thanks for the great work Ben. hamiltonstone (talk) 04:12, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

You're welcome of course. Ben MacDui 13:37, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

... and many thanks for your support. Ben MacDui 09:16, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Image check - all OK (own work, PD age, geography). Sources and authors provided (tweaked 2 licenses and captions). GermanJoe (talk) 08:16, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. Ben MacDui 13:37, 2 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I'm happy to look at improving it, although this is not my current skill set. Isle of Skye UK location map.svg seems to offer some possibilities but I have no idea how it might be annotated and I may have to request some help. Ben MacDui 21:29, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
There is a new map in the economy section. There isn't enough space for the annotation "Kyelakin and the Skye Bridge" without squeezing some of the other text - the Bridge is in any case pretty small at this scale. Ben MacDui 19:34, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I just find it a little misleading to show blue water where a bridge is. It confuses things slightly. It's not a major issue, of course.Adam Cuerden (talk) 20:52, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
As the second map indicates the bridge I assume you are referring to the first map that shows the surrounding islands. If you go to Google Earth you will see that at that magnitude the bridge is more-or-less invisible. (Note that the bridge crosses the pre-existing Eilean Ban that is just about visible). If you think it is important the creator of Skye_map.PNG is still active and I can ask them to look at it - although if we assume it is a map of the physical geography to scale ( as opposed to a road map) one would need a very fine nib indeed. Ben MacDui 10:11, 6 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose - (points adressed, see below] reluctant for now. A fine article on an interesting topic, but it still has some minor prose issues and a slight tourist-guide tone in some parts (a problem with a lot of geography-related articles). More should be done to keep the text as neutral and uninvolved as possible. I haven't really checked the sources, but sources like the "Scottish Mountaineer Club" should only be used for common, uncontroversial statements of fact. If they are used for statements of opinion, the statement should be phrased as opinion, and not as fact (also it should be checked, if those opinions are really that noteworthy for an encyclopedia). Enough rambling, some points follow:

  1. lead "The climate is mild, wet and windy." => the short sentence looks a bit abrupt and out of context at the end of first para. Maybe move it before fauna and flora in the third para.
    Done. Ben MacDui
  2. Most of the second lead para needs some rewriting: "[The events of the 18th and 19th centuries,] especially the Clearances[—some which involved forced emigrations—]replaced entire communities with sheep farms." => vague, what events besides the Clearances? Also a bit confusing, isn't "Clearances" a summary term for forced displacement and migration (so all or most of it involved emigrations, not "some")? Suggestion: Leave the special term "Clearances" to the article body and just summarize the events in the lead in general accessible terms.
    All clearances involved forced migrations, but in this context "emigrations" means forced removal to another continent. I added "to distant lands" and re-worded the 18th and 19th centuries bit. The Clearances were the dominant feature of the 19th century and I don't think you can avoid mentioning them in the lead.
  3. "[This had a devastating impact on the human population and ] resident numbers declined from over 20,000 in the early 19th century to just under 9,000 by the closing decade of 20th century." => Leave the analysis to the article body. Too detailed for lead and clear anyway from the numbers.
    Done.Ben MacDui
  4. "Skye's population [then] increased by 4 per cent between 1991 and 2001[, compared to an overall reduction in Scottish island populations of 3% for the same period.]" => "then" is default mode, superfluous. Trim the comparison, it is too detailed for a summary lead (fine for main body of course).
    Done. (Pls note that the comparison was added after discussion above.) Ben MacDui
  5. "About a third of the residents are Gaelic speakers ..." => I'd add a "As of YYYY" here to have an immediate date for this fact (side question: are there any more actual census numbers available? 2001 is a bit aged.).
    Done. Re the census - not yet. The headline figures for Scotland have emerged from the 2011 census, but no detail on the islands. Without wishing to discuss the details of our world views, I must say that I think of 2001 as quite recent. It's all relative. Ben MacDui
  6. "[The island is well-known for its spectacular landscapes,[8][11]] vibrant culture and heritage ..." => Remove first part. Sorry to be a spoil sport, but neither source qualifies as neutral and uninvolved (both have an interest in promoting Scottish mountaineering). "Vibrant culture" should be toned down and specified, which kind of cultural activities? The "culture" section only mentions strong folklore music, name that instead of some tourist-guide praise.
    • I'm pursuaded by GermanJoe on "vibrant culture", but not on removing the part about the spectacular landscape. This was discussed earlier, which led Ben to add those refs. I'm sure he could find more, and there was a reason it was chosen as a site for filming, and I would let it stand as is. hamiltonstone (talk) 10:49, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • Guess it's just the "spectacular"-part bugging me and my instinctive aversion against such descriptions ;). No biggie, while i'd still prefer something less strong, something mid-way between nice and spectacular, after all this is always a matter of opinion of the viewer. GermanJoe (talk) 11:19, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    Bennet's The Monros has of Sgurr nan Gillean that it offers from its summit on a clear day "one of the world's greatest mountain views". Yes, the SMC exist to promote mountaineering but, to quote it's own website: "It is safe to say that the SMC includes amongst its members some of the finest mountaineers active today. Although climbing in Scotland is given a high priority, members regularly climb in mountain ranges throughout the world." Murray climbed in the Himalayas for example, and if anything the role of mountaineering in Skye's history is underplayed. You could try Cal Mac - who are in the business of persuading visitors, but then why would they choose to single out Skye? The BBC refer to the "breathtaking wilderness" of this area. It would be interesting to see if we could find a half-decent description of Skye's landscape that didn't include a superlative of some kind. Island life has its drawbacks, but mediocre views aren't one of them. Rant over - I'm not attached to "spectacular" as such.
    "vibrant is, in my mind a comparison with the doldrums of the past - clearly a small island can't provide the facilities and opportunities on offer in even a medium-sized town. "Re-vitalised" might work, but I have just changed "vibrant to "Gaelic" as this is one of the things that marks Skye out as different from the mainland.
    On reflection the entire sentence might be redundant now as film, novels, Gaelic and mountain scenery are already mentioned in the lead elsewhere now. Ben MacDui
  7. "Skye has provided the locations for various novels and feature films and [is celebrated in poetry and song.]" => Again, that is not reflected by the coverage in the main body. 2 or 3 known lyrics and songs are not that notable.
    • If that song is outstanding, maybe it should be mentioned here rather than the current very general statement. For me "celebrated in ..." would imply atleast several notable examples world-wide, not only one or two in a limited genre. GermanJoe (talk) 11:20, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    You can't be expected to know off-the-cuff that Sorley MacLean "was one of the most significant Scottish poets of the 20th century". He lived on Skye and wrote of it of course. Hallaig, possibly his best known poem, is about nearby Raasay. Why would we need world-wide examples? It says the island is celebrated, which it is, not that these works are world famous. I believe Jethro Tull have a few fans outwith Skye. Ben MacDui
  8. Etymology "In April 2007 it was reported ... discontinue the English language name." => Remove completely (see WP:NOTNEWSPAPER). On a long-range historical scale this event seems to have no notability.
    Fair enough and done. Back in the day this was simply an afterthought to a whole essay on the subject. Ben MacDui
  9. Geography "Malcolm Slesser suggested that its shape "sticks out of the west coast of northern Scotland like a lobster's claw ready to snap at the fish bone of Harris and Lewis"[8]." - Remove. Not encyclopedic (also it looks more like a horse or a broken trident, but none of this is really relevant fact).
    may show his notion off to better effect. I am not sure why you think this isn't "encyclopedic'. I accept that it is subjective, but the man is a respected authority and the island's shape is difficult to describe. Ben MacDui
  10. "A full traverse of the Cuillin ridge may take 15–20 hours." - Remove, see WP:NOTAMOUNTAINEERGUIDE (ok, i just made up that guide, but such travel details do not belong in a summary article).
    Believe me, these are not "travel details". I have added an opening clause about the uniqueness of the experience in the context of the British Isles .Ben MacDui
  11. Towns and villages => Could that -rather dry- list of towns be expanded with one notable fact per town? Of course you can't describe every detail, but what would be the most interesting feature for some of those towns?
    Even by the standards of the Highlands, Portree is the only "town". I'll look at this asap.
    These places are very small and without going into trivia it's hard to say a great deal. I've added a little. Ben MacDui
  12. History "thirty three" - needs hyphen (MOS:NUMBERS)
    Done Ben MacDui
  13. "Three Class 1 Pictish symbol stones have been found [] Skye and a fourth on Raasay" => Missing word, also is it possible to briefly describe "Class 1" or link to an article about the classification system, if available? "Class 1" on its own has no meaning for the average reader.
    Fixed the missing word. Removed Class 1 - I doubt Pictish means much either, but the only way to provide a link would be to a section of the symbol stone article, which would make for a rather long blue link.
  14. Economy "Key attractions include Dunvegan Castle, the Clan Donald Visitor Centre, and The Aros Experience in Portree." - Lacking a wiki-article this needs a brief descriptor, what is "The Aros Experience", a bird show?
    Added "arts and exhibition centre". Ben MacDui
  15. Culture ==> the section has a lot of details about folk music, literature and films. Does that coverage really reflect the relative importance of those topics, i.e. are there other cultural activities worth mentioning?
    Not that I'm aware of. I added a sentence about arts and crafts to the economy section although I don't think any are worth mentioning by name. I confess to a conflict of interest - I am a fan of the Isle of Skye Fudge Company. Ben MacDui

All in all, i feel the article is close to FA-range, just needs a more restrictive check for tone and minor prose issues (especially the lead needs some work). Also culture and source usage could use a second look. GermanJoe (talk) 10:02, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for you attention. I'll have a look at the bulk of them tomorrow. Ben MacDui 21:29, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
All the above now have replies/actions. Ben MacDui 15:41, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support - thanks for looking into those points. Of course there is no problem with disagreeing on a few points. Some of them were just meant as suggestions or points for clarification. The style concerns have been improved and/or explained. Great work on bringing this article up to this level. One suggestion, purely optional:

  • Consider moving the last two sentences of the second lead para ("The main industries ...") to the third paragraph. Then the second para would contain only "history and population" and the third would contain all other relevant facts. GermanJoe (talk) 12:36, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Many thanks for your attention and support. I'll look at the above soonest. Ben MacDui 17:56, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Done, plus a few other bits of re-ordering per above discussion. Ben MacDui 19:02, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment. Just read the first few sections for now. Will try to come back later and complete.

Images

  • I think there might be too many images. Several are not attractive (especially Dunvegan Castle, Casteal Maol); considering how picturesque Skye really is, can better be found?
The castle image seemed to me the best on offer - File:Dunvegan Castle - geograph.org.uk - 337829.jpg? Caisteal Maol has been replaced with something that's arguably nicer - File:Caisteal Moil - geograph.org.uk - 2776.jpg. The aim here was to include at least one image relating to the economy, in this case fishing boats.
  • Map under Geography is quite poor. Should definitely show bridge, Kyle of Lochalsh and Red Cuillin, plus ideally indication of topography, extent of settlements, major roads, ferries. The later map under Economy is also poor, and I see no reason to have two showing rather similar features. One more comprehensive one would be ideal.
Ideal perhaps, and:
I don't know how one would be created (I have asked in the past and the answers have generally been PC-related and I have a Mac).
You are also asking for quite a lot of detail on what would inevitably be a rather small image. I think "Skye and the surrounding islands" identifies the physical geography quite well and (as hinted at above) a bridge on a map of physical geography to scale would be c. 0.05mm wide. Include the Red Cuillin - but why not then the Storr, Quirang, and Macleod's Tables? Why Kyle of Lochalsh? - it's not on Skye.
Things have moved on a little, quality-wise in the last few years and I am not arguing that we should not hold ourselves to the highest possible standards that are available. I did a little research at WP:FA, choosing the first few FAs that looked like they might be about a rural area that came to view. Bryce Canyon & Caroline Island have no map. Exmoor & Shapinsay - map with no annotation. Little Thetford - nice map, only annotation is name of village. Perhaps they are old FAs? I looked down the list of recent approvals and Istanbul came up. Has a map of local districts with lots of tiny detail about that, but nothing else e.g. roads, main features.
I like maps, but for any given article all we have to do is click the Coord or Infobox link to be provided with a wide selection.
More than happy to do what I can, but some practical suggestions would be helpful. Ben MacDui
I added the Skye Bridge to the existing map - may have to WP:BYC to see it. Am re-reading the article now. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 19:31, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I found a shaded topographic map (no roads) on Commons and made a new version of the labeled map and was BOLD and added it to the article just now (see File:Isle of Skye UK relief location map labels.jpg). It has the same labels as File:Skye map.PNG, as there is a limit as to how many labels can be added to a map if it is to be legible, especially one that is only displayed at 300 pixels wide. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 04:39, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

  • para 1. 'Cuillin hills' feels odd in context of mountains in rest of sentence; perhaps just the Cuillins? Also use Cuillin hills under geography and in associated map.
"Hills" is essentially Scottish English in this context. "Cuillins" it is.
  • para 2. Needs a copy edit; clumsy sentences, lack of clarity.
Can I ask you to be more specific? The lead has gone through various adjustments already per the above. Ben MacDui

Etymology

  • paras 1,2. Unclear why start with Gaelic/Norse/English, then go back to Roman. Short paragraphs should perhaps be amalgamated.
I have moved this around - note that the Romans didn't live or even necessarily even visit the island.
  • para 2. Skitis: I was completely confused about the asterisk and link to asterisk here. My first assumption was that 'skitis' meant asterisk. I think this should be de-obfuscated.
Asterisks removed. The linguists may grumble of course.
  • para 2. Ravenna Cosmography should be itals.
Done.
  • para 3. Final sentence unclear. Munro wrote of Sky, but quotation doesn't contain the word?
Its Monro's "title" for his description. See Description of the Western Isles of Scotland# Identity of the islands. Ben MacDui

Geography

  • I am a bit concerned about the reliance of chunks of this section on a single 1966 reference. Are there no more recent texts?
There are, and some of them are interspersed here and there. Munro was the foremost writer of his day and other than Jim Hunter and Haswell-Smith I am not aware of any better sources. The geography of the island is much as it was fifty years ago and he is only used where the information remains as it was.
  • Scotland probably doesn't need repeat link.
Tch - fixed by linking to list of islands rather than Scotland.
  • I like the quotation from Martin, but think a modern geological note would perhaps be more relevant.
It might be, although other than the usual platitudes about spectacular scenery, rather more matter-of-fact. I have others sources, but most of the relevant detail follows and it might be better to either remove it, or relegate it to a Note.
  • A geological map would be super.
Indeed, although none such exists at present.
  • Cuillin paragraph mixes hill walking/climbing in with geography/geology.
It provides a flavour of the landscape, which is approaching unique in the context of the British Isles. This could be moved to "economy" as clearly this is an aspect of the tourist industry but it seemed to me more useful to include it here when a discussion of the relevant hills is adjacent.
  • Final para, first section. 'The bedrock of Sleat...' sentence repeats 'produces'.
Fixed
  • Towns and villages. This section feels a bit perfunctory. Skye bridge should be re-linked, especially as link in lead is piped.
Bridge linked.
  • Ditto. The date for the Portree population figure should be stated, especially as it is different from the date used for the overall population in the infobox. Where do the bulk of non-Portree residents live? (There are ~7000 residents unaccounted for.)
Population date included.
"Much of the rest of the population lives in crofting townships scattered around the coastline." added to the end. The number of crofts (2,000) is referred to later on.
  • Ditto. '...Skye Bridge that spans the narrows of Loch Alsh.' that --> which
Done.
  • Ditto. Broadford should be linked here, and delinked in Climate
Done - missed when the section was moved above. Ben MacDui
Re prefunctory, the problem is (as referred to above) is their small size. They can be expanded of course, but Edinbane for example has about 50 houses. Uig's population is about 200. Dunvegan has a few shops and a restuarant - but what else to say. The Giant MacAskill Museum maybe? Added a note about the 18th-century Stein Inn.
Also added a sentence about Glendale and Sleat later, but they are hardly villages and it seemed more useful in the economy section. Ben MacDui

Climate

  • First sentence. Verb should probably be singular (subject is influence).
Hmm - I think its a they. Not sure.
  • 'frosts are fewer' --> less frequent?
Amended.
  • Table. Where is Duntulm?
Linked. Ben MacDui

Espresso Addict (talk) 01:25, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your attention. I'll respond to the remainder soonest. Ben MacDui 19:05, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Answers are I think completed. Ben MacDui 20:08, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support As noted above, I peer reviewed this long ago, and made the map used in the Geography section (inadequate though it may be). I have re-read the article and find it meets the FA requirements and has my full support. I have a few quibbles that need to be addressed, but which do not detract from my support.
    • Eilean a' Cheò is in the first sentence, but is not mentioned in the Etymology section. Although it is mentioned in the Government and politics section, there is not much on it there. If the meaning is known, can it be given - if not, can the fact that this meaning is also unknown be added to the article? Also, I seem to recall that Eilean a' Cheò referred to an electoral district, not just the island of Skye itself (?) - if so, this should be clarified (perhaps in a footnote).
The info about the renaming was removed on request (above) but I have added a sentence about the meaning of Eilean a' Cheò and added this text back as a Note as it is not really about the etymology. Arguably the Note could be in the politics section.
    • I do not speak Gaelic, but my guess is that "Eilean" may mean "island" - if so, should this be mentioned in the article?
It should and now is.
    • Geography - Wiay is south and west of Skye but The islands of Raasay, Rona, Scalpay, Pabay, and Wiay all lie to the north and east between Skye and the mainland.[1][15]
Tch - fixed.
    • Government and politics - should the caption be something like "Charles Kennedy, Skye's MP since 1983"?
He is a jolly fellow, so why not? Done.

Hope this helps - I will see what I can do on improving the map further. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 01:25, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks indeed both for your support and the upgraded map, which is a significant improvement. Ben MacDui 12:14, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate notes

  • For completeness I'd expect to see a citation for the last sentence of Towns and villages.
Funny one this. It's a sort of "the Pope is a catholic" statement that's obvious to a local (where else would they be?) and not so easy to source as it applies to almost all of the Hebrides, but you are quite right of course. McGoodwin ref added, which hopefully does the trick.
  • "Source: [34]" looks a bit odd, any reason we couldn't just cite the table's heading, i.e. "Climate data for Duntulm [34]"?
I've added "Cooper (1983)" per the Istanbul article, which certainly looks more sensible.

Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 03:55, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for these. The snow is looming and I may be unable to make many detailed replies for the next 24 hrs or so. Ben MacDui 12:49, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Not an issue, I think we can wrap up this nom now -- if Espresso would like any further tweaks following your responses then I expect they can be taken care of via the article talk page... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 13:39, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 13:48, 13 January 2013 [29].

Columbian half dollar

[edit]
Nominator(s): Wehwalt (talk) 23:35, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because... I think it meets the criteria. The Columbian half dollar was the first commemorative coin issued by the US, in 1892 and 1893, and it's another unpretty story of backstage intrigue at the World's Columbian Exposition and at the Bureau of the Mint. However, the huge quantity issued means they are cheap today, relatively speaking. Enjoy.Wehwalt (talk) 23:35, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done

FIxed, thank you.--Wehwalt (talk) 18:11, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for your help in improving the article.--Wehwalt (talk) 12:37, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Images: is the source for File:Lotto_Columbus.png a US work, as implied? It's not clear from the summary Google gives. (The publisher is listed as the author, which doesn't help.) Notwithstanding that your claim in respect of a scan (rather than a photograph) is dubious in most jurisdictions, that isn't a problem given that you're asserting a free licence. All other copyright issues are fine. Grandiose (me, talk, contribs) 23:17, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, the publisher seems to have been based in New York. The painting was then owned by a U.S. person and was physically in the U.S., and certainly the appearance would have been with Ellsworth's permission. It's PD by any standard. Thanks for the review. By the way, thanks also to BrandonBigheart for sharing more of the wonderful coins from his collection with us.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:26, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support with a few comments. No PR, so this is my first sight, but in most senses the story, and the cast, are familiar:

  • "five million" and "2,000,000" in same paragraph
  • "Today" is not date-specific
  • "triumphant" ia a touch colourful, maybe tone down? Possibly "czar", too.
  • "zealously" advocated? Possible WP:PEACOCK?
  • The date "in April 1892" would be better placed at the beginning of the sentence
  • Another awkward date placing occurs in: "Curtis sent a photograph of the Lotto painting to Leech in July, who consulted with Barber..."
  • "two globes representing the hemisphere" - should this be plural? If not, which hemisphere?
  • Later "Western Hemisphere" - caps?
  • First mention of a "Finance Committee" (with caps). Clarify that this is the fair's committee.
  • Maybe link "lame duck" - not a particularly familiar expression over here
I'm going to cut that anecdote, Leech's political fate is not relevant to the article.--Wehwalt (talk) 11:12, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • A "keg" seems an unusual transport device for coins - maybe worth a note?
I don't see it as that unusual, for the time. A hasty glance on google books for the 19th century shows a number of descriptions of same. Smaller than beer kegs, perhaps 19 inches in length. Strong, compact, and difficult to tamper with without detection (which is why a source I'm looking at advises against tin boxes).--Wehwalt (talk) 11:12, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "December 19th" → "December 19"
  • Personally I found the insertion of information about the Isabella quarter and the Lafayette dollar a bit distracting and wonder if these details are necessary in this article.
Yes, I was trying to put it in context but I agree, it is extraneous.--Wehwalt (talk) 11:12, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Finally, the name "Ulric Stonewall Jackson Dunbar" itself deserves a featured star ("Today's Featured Name"). If I should ever change my username, that will be it. Brianboulton (talk) 14:06, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Some sources have no romance and called him Ulric S.J. Dunbar. Thanks for the comments and support, I will work through today. I think czar is OK, but will change "triumphant".--Wehwalt (talk) 14:27, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Just a note, I think "czar" is more common in American English to represent someone placed in charge of something. It goes back to the days of Gerald Ford to my personal recollection and the "budget czar". It should not be taken to mean an unaccountable autocrat. It just means someone in charge with broad powers and the willingness to use them.--Wehwalt (talk) 11:52, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I've done those. I have not changed Western Hemisphere; I believe the caps is the more usual way and if we did it differently, we would get unsought corrections. I've made it clearer that "Finance Committee" pertains to the company. The source does not elucidate on what (beyond the obvious) the Finance Committee did, so I'd rather keep that as a proper name. Thanks as always for the review.--Wehwalt (talk) 12:00, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support with minor comments. It is a very good article. I always enjoy reading the coin articles.
  • "to complete construction of the fair" seems awkward to me. I view "fair" as a word for the event itself, not a description of the venues/grounds/etc. The word is used to that effect elsewhere ("additional funds were needed to complete the fair's construction") but it's surely a subjective matter.
  • "16th century painting" When "16th century" is used as an attributive adjective, it should be hyphenated.
  • "An undeveloped 686 acres (278 ha) site" I believe "acre" is expressed in the singular form when used as an adjective.
  • "those who lined up to buy them, had ordered them by mail, or purchased them at local banks that were given allocations" Need parallel construction.
Well done. --Laser brain (talk) 04:06, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you. I've done those things. It is good to see you back, Laser brain, I remember well you inspiring me and RHM22 to write Kennedy half dollar. We're probably going to need it for TFA in November unless something better comes along.--Wehwalt (talk) 22:42, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Three supports, image and source reviews done.--Wehwalt (talk) 01:38, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 14:47, 12 January 2013 [30].

Broad-billed Parrot

[edit]
Nominator(s): FunkMonk (talk) 18:13, 4 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because I have added practically all known information about and all contemporary images of this bird, and the article has also been copyedited since GAN. There was some discussion on what to use as infobox image, but I still believe the contemporary sketch is the best choice, for reasons stated on the GAN page. A new restoration was proposed, but since the colours of the birds were only vaguely described, this would be futile. The Grönvold restoration has countless inaccuracies. FunkMonk (talk) 18:13, 4 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link tribe
  • In lead para 2, too many sentences start with "it", vary or roll up sentences
    Done. --Stfg (talk) 10:14, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • first illustration of the bird, along with the first illustration of a Dodo — avoid repetition, perhaps first illustrations of both this parrot and the Dodo
    Unfortunately that would change the meaning, as it would no longer be clear that it's the first one illustration of each bird. I've removed the duplicate "illustration", but the duplicate "first" may be needed to keep the sense. --Stfg (talk) 10:14, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Think about helping us with the people, Emile Oustalet -> French zoologist Emile Oustalet
  • "island hop" to the isolated islands. — perhaps to then less isolated islands or similar?
Not specifically stated in the source, but that's what's implied, so yes.
  • covered in forests, but because of deforestation, very little of them remains today — lose "of them"
    Something is needed there, because "very little" by itself needs an antecedent. "very little remains today" could only mean very little deforestation or very little forests :) We could put "very little forestation remains today", but isn't that too repetitive? --Stfg (talk) 10:14, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Nice. Done. --Stfg (talk) 12:23, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Mimusops maxima, Diospyros egrettorium. — I really don't like the way you've linked these, I'd prefer, eg, Mimusops maxima, but failing that Mimusops maxima is still better than linking half a binomial
  • ref 5, italicise binomial
  • ref 16, no full stop at end
Fixed, but for some reason there's a comma before the name of the journal, and I can't find it in the template, so I don't know how to remove it...
  • ref 3, personally I wouldn't link to an abstract, but that's just me
  • refs use a mix of sentence and title case
  • refs, give book publisher location for all or none

I look forward to supporting soon.

Although "cockatoo" is a common term, it is mentioned in the first paragraph of the Description section to compare features of the anatomy of the two birds. So, in terms of WP:OVERLINK, that link was "particularly relevant to the topic of the article". May I restore it, please? --Stfg (talk) 10:14, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
You don't need my permission. Since this is a conscious link rather than an oversight, I've undone my edit Jimfbleak - talk to me? 11:01, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. --Stfg (talk) 12:23, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I think that well placed duplicate Wikilinks can be useful and can save the reader time looking for only one example of a Wikilink somewhere on the page. The Wiki guidelines recommends easy-to-find wikilinks in captions. Snowman (talk) 15:27, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I fixed the ref (wrong template used), now happy to support Jimfbleak - talk to me? 16:08, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks! FunkMonk (talk) 16:44, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the introduction and "Behaviour and ecology" section; "... largest cranial sexual dimorphism known in any parrot". This could be interpreted as only referring to the bones encasing the brain and it would also tend to refer to brain size by extrapolation, but I presume that this is not the intention. I suspect that this mention to the "cranial" area should be replaced with a mention to the "skull" or "head". See an old version of Grey's Anatomy for human anatomy for comparison. In humans the bones of the skull are divided into the bones of the face and the bones encasing the brain. There may also be a more general definition of cranium making use of the word cranium confusing, and if "cranium" is used in Hume's reference, then I wonder in what sense it is being used. The Wiki article on skull anatomy seems to contain a sizeable proportion of nonsense to me, so there is no point in reading it for reliable information. I would guess that the anatomy of this bird's skull is not well known, so it may be presumptive to specify the apparent sexual dimorphism is due to differences in the size of certain bones, but not other bones or to soft tissues around the skull. How specific are the sources? Are there any fossils of this birds cranium? Snowman (talk) 15:11, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I don't see why we should follow terminology that only applies to humans? The source uses skull and cranium interchangeably, and so do most articles about animal skulls. For example:[31] And skulls are known. As for the rest of the issues, I have fixed them all, I believe. FunkMonk (talk) 15:43, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I did not mean to imply that the definition applies to human anatomy only, so it may be better to refer to the OED instead. The OED has two main meanings of cranium (see OED). The first meaning listed is the strict meaning (for the bones around the brain), then the general meaning (for the skull) is listed, and lastly what they list as a humorous meaning (for the head). I think that the article should avoid all ambiguity over the word cranium by saying which meaning of cranium is being used or by avoiding using the word cranium. At the present time, I think that the use of the word "cranium" is ambiguous, and I think that this unnecessary difficulty for readers should be avoided in a FA. Incidentally, it is clear which meaning is intended in the external article that you have linked, since they say that they are including the facial bones. Snowman (talk) 17:02, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The thing is, such a distinction is only used when it comes to human anatomy. So it's irrelevant here. FunkMonk (talk) 17:08, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
If this is true, you appear to be referring to specialised jargon used in animal anatomy, which is inappropriate in the introduction. The OED does not specify that their definitions of cranium only apply to human anatomy. Snowman (talk) 17:30, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The OED is most likely anthropocentric in this regard, other featured articles about animals use "cranium/cranial" too for the front part of the skull[32][33][34][35], so I don't see why it should be a problem here. FunkMonk (talk) 17:43, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
None of the four Wiki articles you linked mentions "cranium" in the introduction. It is clear that these articles use cranium as meaning the whole skull, and I think that it would be better if they used section headings like "Skull anatomy" instead of "Cranial anatomy". These articles uses simple terms like "a small head" in the text which sets the context well. I think that cranium is a specialised word and should be be used in the introduction especially with little context. The introduction in particular should be written in accessible and clear language and I think that the current use of "cranium" is not suitable for an introduction considering "head size" could be used instead with no loss of meaning. Snowman (talk) 17:57, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, I could easily show that each case refers specifically to the front part of the skull (mainly to jaw mechanisms), otherwise I wouldn't had written it. But sure, it can be changed in the intro. FunkMonk (talk) 18:01, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Most of the osteology I know is about human bones, so using "cranium" for the face bones seems really odd to me, but we could discuss that on a different talk page. Snowman (talk) 18:17, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I note your change to "skull". I have used "head", because so little is know about what was caused the head to be so bulky. However, use skull if it is preferred. Snowman (talk) 18:13, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Change to head is fine. But you should be careful when directly translating terms used in human osteology to animals and vice versa. FunkMonk (talk) 18:30, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Sometimes, I am puzzled by different terminology in different specialities. Actually, there are a lot of similarities in many species stemming from the segmental aspects of anatomy. Snowman (talk) 18:51, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
In most animals, there isn't really much of a physical distinction between the "face" and the rest of the skull, unlike in humans, due to the large brain size. Our heads are pretty much a brain with a face on.FunkMonk (talk) 18:58, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Raven Parrot" is a very recent invention, but I'll clarify it. FunkMonk (talk) 17:29, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Changed to "taxonomic affinities" with a wikilink. FunkMonk (talk) 17:36, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
That is a bit better, but I think that you could use more accessible language. "the lead should be written in a clear, accessible style"; see Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section. Snowman (talk) 17:57, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I have tried to simply it, so that readers will not be put off by jargon. Snowman (talk) 18:19, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Fine with me. FunkMonk (talk) 18:58, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The first paragraph should define the topic with a neutral point of view"; see "WP:MOSBEGIN". The 2012 genetic study seems to upturn a traditional apple cart. I am beginning to thing that this hint to an alternative classification should be included very briefly, perhaps at the end of the first paragraph of the introduction. I am not certain, but it does not seem neutral including Psittaculini, but not the vasa parrots. Snowman (talk) 18:31, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
See the last discussion on the talk page, even the study itself states the placement is weakly supported, so it shouldn't be given undue weight. FunkMonk (talk) 18:58, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
OK. Snowman (talk) 19:10, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
And by the way, that study included only Mascarinus, not Lophopsittacus, so it doesn't have any direct impact on its own classification. FunkMonk (talk) 19:18, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I see, I missed that point. Snowman (talk) 19:30, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Maybe something like "the genera he referred to as having strong jaws/used as examples of strong jawed parrots"? FunkMonk (talk) 19:13, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The answer may be in the source, which I can not see. What was he describing that was weak? I do not think that the article has got the nitty-gritty of this point. I might need to read a bit about parrot beak anatomy to comment any further. To what extent are parrots bills calcified (how radiotranslucent are they)? Snowman (talk) 19:27, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
There's a short overview of Holyoak's arguments here: [36] The longer 1973 paper was refuted by Smith 1975, who stated: "Holyoak’s conclusion (1973b), following his examination of radiographs, that parrots of these four genera have ‘strong beaks’ is not borne out by experience of the live birds." The four in qustion are Cyanorhamphus, Melopsittacus, Neophema and Psephotus. FunkMonk (talk) 19:43, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Your re-write makes the section understandable. Were the conclusions about the Broad-billed Parrot beaks being weak refuted? If so, it might be helpful to be specific about this. Snowman (talk) 20:22, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
That should be the part where it is compared to the Hyacinth Macaw, which is able to crack hard nut. FunkMonk (talk) 20:23, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It sounds more like two competing hypotheses, the fruit eating or nut eating Broad-billed Parrot. Snowman (talk) 20:43, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The two aren't mutually exclusive of course, but it isn't probable that it was too weak t ocrack nuts. I've added a little more about strength, is it enough? FunkMonk (talk) 20:50, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
As for the part about other species that are extinct, they belong in the ecology section, it is inevitable that the section covers extinction, since most of the endemic vertebrate species on the island are. FunkMonk (talk) 21:05, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Much better. Snowman (talk) 21:08, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Owen coined the species name, Newton coined the genus name, it's mentioned in the article and taxobox. FunkMonk (talk) 22:04, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
... The taxobox has an error according to Fuller's 1987 book. The taxobox says; "Lophopsittacus mauritianus (Owen, 1866)". Owen could not be the author of Lophopsittacus mauritianus, because Newton assigned it to the genus Lophopsittacus. According to Fuller, Newton should be the author of Lophopsittacus mauritianus and not Owen. Snowman (talk) 22:10, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The author of the species is always credited in the binomial section of Wikipedia taxoboxes. The author of the genus is only credited under genus. Fuller doesn't have a Wikipedia taxobox in his book, so it can't really be used as basis. See also Great Auk (Linnaeus is credited under binomial, though he did not coin the genus name). FunkMonk (talk) 22:13, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Whoops. The binomial and synonym with authorities are in the left margin in the 1987 book, but it seems to be a red-herring. Snowman (talk) 22:24, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Yup.
Yes, that is what it says. Could it be misunderstood by some as meaning the first ever Dodo bones found by mistake? Snowman (talk) 22:03, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I doubt it, to be honest. I'd be reluctant to introduce redundancy just to clarify that it doesn't say something that it already clearly doesn't say. :) --Stfg (talk) 22:13, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for considering it. Snowman (talk) 22:19, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... Alfred Newton coined the new genus name Lophopsittacus"; why did he use a new genus name? He must have thought it was not a Psittacus, so what where his reasons for thinking for putting it in a new genus? Possible omission, because I think that the reasons for classifying a bird in a new genus are significant. Snowman (talk) 19:34, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I think it was because of the crest, but I'll take a look.
Someone fixed it. Snowman (talk) 22:40, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
A sequence of copy-edits has resolved this. Snowman (talk) 22:39, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It was initially placed in this genus, so it is very relevant.
All of it, in height.
I do not fully understand your reply and I think that the article needs rephrasing. Did it have a flat zone on its head somewhere? Snowman (talk) 20:54, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The head shape was somewhat oval, you can see it in the Gelderland drawing.
There is a difference between "a flattened head" and "somewhat oval", so why does the article say "flattened head"? Which part of an oval is flat? Snowman (talk) 21:59, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I have found some mentions the parrots in general have dorso-vertral flattening of the head (it says "cranium"), so I might not be that important to include it in the article. I suggest remove "flat head" from the article. The Hume paper on page 51 appendix 2a says "parietals gently slope towards the sharply angled occipital region, ..." and I think this is the explanation of the rather bulbous appearance to the back of its rather flat head. Would this be better; "Unlike other Mascarene parrots, the bones on the top if its head (parietal bones) gradually slope to an angle at the back of its head."? I am not sure to follow on with; "... giving the appearance that the top of its head is somewhat flat." Snowman (talk) 14:53, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, I don't think it should be omitted entirely that the skull was dorsoventrally flattened just because this feature is found in other parrots as well. FunkMonk (talk) 17:14, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I find dorsoventrally flattening of the parrot skull hard to visualise, but it is supported in the references that it does not occur in other Mascarene parrots. Snowman (talk) 19:05, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In other parrots with substantial sexual dimorphism in beak size, the sexes prefer food of different sizes, the males use their beaks in rituals, and the sexes have specialised roles in nesting and rearing." Is this true? I am struggling to think of examples of this. Snowman (talk) 20:13, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, I'm no parrot expert, but that's what the source says.
What evidence does the article draw on? Does it list sources for this? There are three possibilities in the statement relevant to sexual dimorphism. Can you give one parrot example for each of the three possibilities? Snowman (talk) 21:14, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Which parrots have substantial sexual dimorphism in beak size? I am only aware of what I tend to think of as small differences in beak size due to sexual dimorphism. I do not know what parrot species it might refer to. I am not a parrot expert. Snowman (talk) 23:10, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I added them a while ago. FunkMonk (talk) 23:24, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
So what? Added what a while ago? Your reply does not seem to me influence the current problem. Snowman (talk) 23:30, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The names of parrots with similar dimorphism. FunkMonk (talk) 23:31, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I see. I probably sounded puzzled, because I did not see the new edits in the middle of article. I will try to find out more about parrot beaks, but not today. Snowman (talk) 23:52, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
From Hume "Sexual dimorphism in bill size is also common to other parrot genera, with males of Palm Cockatoo Probosciger aterrimus stenolophus and North Island Kea Nestor meridionalis septentrionalis being 24.8% and 12.3% larger than female in exposed culmen length respectively (Moorehouse et al. 1999)." FunkMonk (talk) 04:17, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Kea = Nestor notabilis. New Zealand Kaka = Nestor meridionalis. North Island Kaka (subspecis)= Nestor meridionalis septentrionalis. The article contains North Island Kea wikilinked and this is a redirect you created to New Zealand Kaka; see here. I am puzzled by this redirect, because a Kea is a different species to a Kaka. Also, Keas only live on the south island. Island Incidentally, both Keas and Kakas have sexual dimorphism of beak size. Snowman (talk) 10:46, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, I obviously didn't make it up, so it must be a common name for that particular subspecies. FunkMonk (talk) 10:50, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Also, Keas only live on the south island. As far as I am aware, there is no such entity as a North Island Kea. However, Kakas have a south island and a north island taxa. The binomial name in the book looks correct, but not the common name. Did you transcript a misprint to the Wiki. In the journal article is "North Island Kea" a misprint for "North Island Kaka". I have done a web-search and found no hits for North Island Kea. We would use IOC names on the Wiki anyway. Snowman (talk) 10:59, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
So what would be the alternate common name for that subspecies? FunkMonk (talk) 11:18, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Which sub-species? Snowman (talk) 11:23, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I have used an alternative ref for beak size and used the species name. Is there a reason why it should only apply to one sub-species of New Zealand Kaka? Did the journal mean the Kea? With its possible typo, what does the journal mean? I think that the redirect North Island Kea should be deleted, so I have started a discussion on the WP Birds talk page. Snowman (talk) 11:52, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Nestor meridionalis septentrionalis. FunkMonk (talk) 12:04, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
North Island Kaka = Nestor meridionalis septentrionalis (see also above). It is in the Wiki article about the species. Not North Island Kea, which I presume is a typo. Snowman (talk) 12:15, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Here's an image from the Hume paper[37], maybe it can help.
If it does, then perhaps information gleaned may be helpful in the article. Snowman (talk) 21:10, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The scale bar would indicate that the seeds photographed are about 8 inches in diameter. Are they like coconuts? Snowman (talk) 19:23, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not sure how to implement it. It's like the musket bullet discussion we had back when Solitaire was at FAC. I'd say it would border on original research if we went ahead and measured one photo, and then applied the value to another. Maybe some sources specifically about those seeds contains an average size. FunkMonk (talk) 19:42, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Inches? The scale bar represents 10 mm. FunkMonk (talk) 19:30, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Whoops, I was looking at them thinking that were big seeds and I wrongly thought that the scale was 10 cm long. Why not put in the article the approx size of the nuts? Readers might be interested and it might help to explain the big beak. The trouble is that there are no visual aids to size the nuts in the photograph shown in the article. Snowman (talk) 19:38, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I am not entirely sure of the source of one or two of the images shown on this page, because the exact image is not seen on the link provided on Commons to the source. Someone usually checks the images on potential FAs for problems. Snowman (talk) 20:22, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Which ones?
An image specialist usually checks the images on potential FAs for problems probably in a systematic way. It would not be very difficult to check all the image sources yourself and see if the exact image the exact size is seen on the linked page. Snowman (talk) 21:05, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I've uploaded most of them myself, and I know the source of all of them. FunkMonk (talk) 21:12, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I wonder if the source websites have changed. I can not find an exact duplicate of File:Psittacus mauritianus.jpg on the links page, but I might have missed something. Snowman (talk) 21:18, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
That's because I've cropped and greyscaled it. FunkMonk (talk) 21:24, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I see what you have done now, so I was wrong about the source not being apparent. However, it was a surprise to me that you uploaded a very different version over the original, because I would not have done it that way. I would have uploaded the "cleaned" version to a new file name, and tagged the original with an "original tag". I think that there are some guidelines about not uploading very different versions over the originals this on Commons. I think that it would be helpful if the original had its own file name rather than being "under" the cleaned version. Snowman (talk) 21:42, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I have not done a systematic image check. Snowman (talk) 22:35, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Heh, I uploaded it, so I get to decide. FunkMonk (talk) 22:00, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
OK, "you uploaded it" will suffice here. However, I think that it would be better if you used {{Original}} on an original old image and upload a new modified version to a new file name with links to and from each, unless the modifications are minimal. Generally, on Commons, I believe it is not a matter of uploader chooses, because there are guidelines on Commons about this with reasons. Snowman (talk) 22:36, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, I'm a Commons admin, they can take it up with me if they've got s problem, heheh. Anyway, captions on images are also advised against, and the resolution is very low anyway. FunkMonk (talk) 22:42, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Incidentally, I have been editing on Commons for 5 year, 10 months and 21 days and you have only been editing on Commons for 5 years, 5 months and 16 days. Snowman (talk) 22:50, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'm pretty sure I've been more active, though. FunkMonk (talk) 23:24, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
As for holotype, you want type specimen instead? FunkMonk (talk) 22:00, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I wikilinked it (before I saw FunkMonk's reply). One of the nice things about articles like this is you can surf from them and learn other concepts. --Stfg (talk) 22:02, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I do not know what holotype means, so do I have to read another page to find out? Snowman (talk) 22:45, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
No one expects the reader to know every word in an article. FunkMonk (talk) 23:24, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
That is a convincing answer. Snowman (talk) 23:27, 9 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'm puzzled that you missed this: "Fossils show the males were larger, measuring 55–65 cm to the females' 45–55 cm. The size difference between male and female skulls is the largest among parrots, but differences in the bones of the rest of the body and limbs are less pronounced." FunkMonk (talk) 13:00, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I made a mistake in thinking that it was an omission, but it is not in the introduction. Only head size is in the introduction and I think body size is important enough to be included as well. Snowman (talk) 13:07, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I have added general body size in the introduction, which I think should be alongside an account of head size in the introduction. Snowman (talk) 13:23, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I have found a bit more about its large sexual dimorphism in general body size on page 51, which I think I meant to refer to, but got distracted with skill size rather than body size. I have added it to the article. Snowman (talk) 13:44, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sometimes the article refers to "fossils" and sometimes to "sub-fossils" and at times I think that it is referring to the same bones. I might be wrong, but I think a fossil is different to a sub-fossil, so I presume all the uses of these two words can not be correct all of the time in the article. Anyway, I do not know why some are called fossils and some subfossils. Snowman (talk) 14:34, 10 December 2012 (UTC) Snowman (talk) 13:31, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed. It was added that the bird was "hunted heavily", sourced to the IUCN, which again cited Cheke and Hum. But this is over interpretation, no contemporary source mentions hunting or even consumption of this bird, and Cheke and Hume never say "hunted heavily" or anything like that. FunkMonk (talk) 17:22, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I think "easy prey" is more than a hint, no? FunkMonk (talk) 18:31, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
If you are extrapolating this hint that would tend to support human predation (or hunting), then it would seem inconsistent that you claim that; "no contemporary source mentions hunting or even consumption of this bird, and Cheke and Hume never say "hunted heavily" or anything like that.". Lets not leave it to a hint in the article. The article should say clearly if there is evidence for hunting by humans or not or and then this can be put in the introduction. The summary should not make a statement that is not in the article. Snowman (talk) 18:47, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
But there is zero proof of hunting, so perhaps the intro should be worded a little more cautiously. FunkMonk (talk) 18:52, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Yes. If the introduction did not make that statement that you claim has no evidence to support it, then the article might become internally consistent on this point. Also, could the hunting evidence be clarified in the last paragraph, so that readers need not guess what is not written in the article. Snowman (talk) 18:57, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The intro is fixed. And what do you mean by hunting evidence? That there is none? The sources don't outright state this, they just list possible extinction scenarios. so that would be kind of OR. FunkMonk (talk) 19:03, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Why not explain these extinction scenarios or hypotheses? That is not OR. Perhaps, it could be made into a thoughtful end to the last paragraph without OR. Snowman (talk) 19:09, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It's already there. It boils down to habitat loss and predation by humans and invasive species. FunkMonk (talk) 19:10, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Raven Parrot" is used in at least Extinct Birds (2012). Not sure about "Mauritius Parrot", since the Mauritius Parakeet also seems to be referred as such sometimes. FunkMonk (talk) 20:06, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
We have Cuban Parrot and Cuban Parakeet. Snowman (talk) 20:38, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The term "Raven Parrot" is unreferenced in the article. Snowman (talk) 15:22, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The Cheke, A. S.; Hume, J. P. (2008). book has 480 pages, so page numbers will need to be added for each in-line citation; see Google books. Snowman (talk) 14:04, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Only a handful ...": from the introduction. I think that readers whose first language is not English might not understand this phrase. Why not say something like "Only a small number ...". If there is only a small number, then why not provide a number or number range? Snowman (talk) 10:34, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I see that it has been changed to "a few". Can these few accounts be counted and the number provided? The introduction is precise about the number of depictions saying that there are three. The introduction goes on to say; "matched both descriptions", which suggests that there are two descriptions or refers to two of them. Snowman (talk) 19:15, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The Broad-billed Parrot was first referred to as the "Indian Raven ..."; I think that the term "Indian Raven" should not be used in the introduction since the word "Raven" had a different meaning to the 17th century Dutch people to what a reader of this Wiki article might take it to mean. Centuries ago, "Raven" could have meant a macaw, a hornbill or a raven in some European languages. Snowman (talk) 14:08, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]


Support: I edit bird articles and I have edited parts of this article, so I might have a conflict of interest, but I have attempted to be objective. I do not see anything in the article content that would prevent it from achieving FA standard. However, I have not checked MoS systematically and there may me a number of MoS issues and reference formatting to sort out; for example, a page number in the in-line reference for Rothchild's book and so on. Snowman (talk) 19:29, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

You only made your edits after it was already at FAC, and you've helped improve the article a lot, whereas you could also just had added comments here. So I see no problem myself. Thanks! FunkMonk (talk) 19:46, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
My support is made in anticipation that page numbers and formatting of in-line references and a number of other issues will be fixed. Snowman (talk) 17:12, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It is taking longer to sort of reference formatting and some other issues than I expected, so at this juncture I have withdrawn my support for FA. Snowman (talk) 01:56, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, too bad. Is it an oppose, then? You still need to show that the ref issue you brought up has anything to do with actual FA criteria. FunkMonk (talk) 06:14, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
FA criteria includes all of MOS. There are some issues in the introduction. Verification is important in the Wiki and you report below that there are missing page numbers (or page ranges) to a book source. As I explained above, my support would be provisional to some issues being settled and citations being satisfactory. As far as I am aware, missing page numbers in citations are inconsistent with FA status. I think an an article with inadequate verification would not be promoted to FA status. Snowman (talk) 12:54, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
What's with the intro? You haven't mentioned this before. As for missing page ranges, that's a different issue from the "smaller ranges" (which are apparently not mentioned in the actual MOS), and can be easily fixed (will be now). FunkMonk (talk) 13:21, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Comments by Cwmhiraeth

I have been looking at the article's prose and consider it to be very well written in general. Here are a few points that struck me: Cwmhiraeth (talk) 21:01, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • "It is unclear what species it is most closely related to" - Should read "It is unclear to what species it is most closely related"
Forgive me, but no. Right now I have in front of me both Bernstein's Modern Guide to English Usage and Claire Kerwald Cook's Line by Line. Both approve the preposition-at-the-end construction. Berstein is very scathing about attempts to avoid it. Remember "Up with this I will not put". --Stfg (talk) 23:13, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"I will not put up with this" does not end in a preposition. :) Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:31, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, nor it does, but do you not wonder, then, up with what Winston would not put? I'm trying to be delicate while saying that the first construction is well-attested and the second (imho) horribly stilted. --Stfg (talk) 12:42, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I looked it up in Fowler's Modern English Usage and I see that he agrees with your position. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 18:02, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. Appreciated. --Stfg (talk) 18:31, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It had a large beak, comparable to that of the Hyacinth Macaw, to crack hard seeds open." - I think this could be better expressed.
Could you be specific? --Stfg (talk) 23:13, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
You could add "to enable it" but now I come to look further at this paragraph of the lead I see that you have mentioned the beak, gone on to the plumage and returned to the beak. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:31, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Right you are. The first mention is about the head and beak together, while the second applies to the beak only, so it's very hard to roll them together. But we definitely shouldn't state that it had a large beak as if it were new information twice in one paragraph. Revised to avoid that, and to include the enabling. --Stfg (talk) 12:42, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I have brought some new information to the main text and also to the introduction, so I have amended this paragraph again. It might need further copy-editing. Snowman (talk) 14:35, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • " In 1868, Hermann Schlegel examined an unlabelled pen and ink sketch (attributed to the artist Joris Joostensz Laerle) in the just rediscovered 1601 journal of the Dutch East India Company ship Gelderland, identified it as depicting the parrot described by Owen, and made the connection with the old journal descriptions" - I think this sentence is too long and convoluted.
So it is. Please check my attempt to unravel it. --Stfg (talk) 23:13, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Sea levels were lower during the Pleistocene, so it was possible for species to "island hop" to some of the then less isolated islands." - does your reference #3 apply to this statement?
Yes, but not in the section about this species specifically, because it applies to all the parrot species in the Mascarenes. FunkMonk (talk) 01:32, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I meant about the sea levels being lower. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:31, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The source says: "For parrots to reach isolated archipelagos such as the Mascarenes, it is probable that sea level changes provided opportunities for island-hopping. During periods of lower sea levels that occurred during the Pleistocene, some low stands continued for tens of thousands of years and were up to 145 m lower than present (Haq et al. 1987; Rohling et al. 1998)." FunkMonk (talk) 17:53, 15 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the section "Description" you need imperial equivalent dimensions.
  • "Anodorhynchus macaws eat very hard palm nuts and are habitual ground dwellers,[3] and Carlos Yamashita has suggested that they once depended on now extinct South American megafauna to eat fruits and excrete their seeds, but later they relied on domesticated cattle for this function." - I had to read this sentence several times and then go on to the following one before I realised what you were getting at.
I've untangled the sentence a bit, but am not sure whether this addresses your concern. If not, can you put your finger on where the problem lies? --Stfg (talk) 23:38, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I was thinking more along the lines of "... seeds that had passed through the gut of now-extinct South American megafauna". Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:31, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
From the Hulm paper on page 13; "The cattle do not swallow the seeds but expel them after rumination." So it sounds like cattle eat large seeds and spit them out, but this explanation might be too anthropomorphic. Snowman (talk) 14:49, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Not all South American megafauna are extinct, so what about the living megafauna? Snowman (talk) 12:03, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The sentence doesn't imply that they are all extinct, but only that the ones Yamashita thinks the parrot depended on are. --Stfg (talk) 12:42, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The bird is believed to have become extinct by the 1680s, when the palms it may have specialised in were harvested on a large scale." - Presumably you are speaking about palm fruits here?
Well, the palms themselves were harvested, not the fruits. And thanks for fixing a lot of these issues, Stfg, and thanks for the review, Cwmhiraeth.FunkMonk (talk) 01:32, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
So, what was the nature of their specialism? Their diet is unclear, so did they sleep in holes in the trunk or dangle on the fronds? Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:31, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The source only says the following, so I'm not sure if we can interpret it: "On Mauritius, Lophopsittacus mauritianus disappeared by the 1680s at a time when large-scale harvesting of endemic palms was taking place (Barnwell 1948:48). These parrots may have been palm specialists." FunkMonk (talk) 17:49, 15 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hey guys, just so you know, I have a huge assignment to finish by Friday, so I will not be able to edit so much until then. I've already wasted too much of my writing time here, heheh. FunkMonk (talk) 15:56, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Back again, Cwmhiraeth's issues should be fixed.
Comments changed to Support. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 19:41, 15 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support on comprehensiveness and prose - I've seen this article develop and it has polished up nicely. Only minor issue is I'd use the plants' common names to break up bluelinks in the diet section, however this is dependent on all plant species having common names, and looks odd otherwise, so not actionable maybe. Casliber (talk · contribs) 21:07, 15 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Not yet; various issues. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 04:27, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • The last account, and the only mention of specific colours, is by Johann Christian Hoffman in 1673–5:
  • See WP:YEAR: "A closing CE or AD year is normally written with two digits (1881–86) unless it is in a different century from that of the opening year, in which case the full closing year is given (1881–1986)." Please review throughout.
  • Inconsistent citation format with author names, one example only, there are others:
  • 6.^ Newton, E. (1876). "XXVII.-On the psittaci of the Mascarene Islands". Ibis 18 (3): 281–289. doi:10.1111/j.
  • 8.^ Newton, Edward; Gadow, ...
  • This inconsistency sometimes results from using cite DOI template which allows individual editors to fill in different styles by manually editing the template (in other words, it's not possible to maintain consistency in an FA as the criteria require, since another editor using the doi template in another article may change the style); the cite doi template is also susceptible to errors (since it can be manually complted), and worse, they are susceptible to vandalism (see that "edit" button? anyone can-- corrupting your citations).
  • Smith, G. A. (1975). "Systematics of parrots". Ibis 117: 18–17
  • Speaking of susceptible to error and vandalism, 18–17 ? Again, those cite doi templates often have errors which you (the FA writer) can't control because someone else may edit that template and introduce an error (or vandalism); using cite journal would avoid that.
I usually like citing authors using their full last name, but the rest as single letters. So I'll just change it to that. As for vandalism and use across articles, I'm the only one working on extinct Mascarene bird articles it seems, so I'll keep it consistent, and vandalism can be reverted. FunkMonk (talk) 17:19, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
See examples in WP:CITE/ES. In the "Books" section it says "there are good reasons to include the full names of authors; such information makes it much easier to find the cited work, and it also makes it possible to find other related information by the same author." Snowman (talk) 17:39, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Many times, only initials are used by authors, so if we want consistency, there's no choice. FunkMonk (talk) 17:45, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hume, J. P.; Walters, M. (2012). Extinct Birds. London: A & C Black. ISBN 140815725X.
  • No page nos. Together, these citation formatting issues indicate that an audit of the citations may be needed.
  • In 2007, however, Hume reclassified this parrot as a species of genus Psittacula ...
  • Why the however? (See here and here for sample discussions of the overuse of however.) Please review throughout.
  • Contemporary accounts, however, do not corroborate this, ...
  • Same, don't see what the "however" is accomplishing.
  • Little is known about the behaviour of the Broad-billed Parrot. Sexual dimorphism in beak size is also common in other parrots, for example in the Palm Cockatoo and the New Zealand Kaka.[3][15] In parrots and other bird groups with such dimorphism, the sexes prefer food of different sizes, the males use their beaks in rituals, or the sexes have specialised roles in nesting and rearing.
  • The jump between "Little is known about ... " to "also common in other parrots" is unexplained (and "also" is redundant). The reason for the second sentence being there only becomes apparent after reading on several sentences, which forces the layreader to backtrack to understand why we jumped from one concept to another ... there is a flow problem. It may not be apparent to folks accustomed to bird articles, but the layperson has to struggle to sort out what is being said because of the awkward flow.
  • Right you are. It's also a jump from the very general "little is known about behaviour" to the very specific point about morphology. I've moved the part related to dimorphism to its own paragpraph. Funkmonk, please could you identify which citation applies to the second half of the second paragraph? --Stfg (talk) 11:14, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'll just remove the little is known disclaimer. Can't see a difference in citations. FunkMonk (talk) 17:15, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The large difference between male and female head size may similarly have been reflected in the ecology of each sex, but today it is impossible to determine how.
  • The head was evidently blue, and the beak may have been red being a characteristic of Psittaculini.
  • ??? Prose.

I did not do a complete review; those are random issues. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 04:27, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

All mentioned issues should be fixed now. FunkMonk (talk) 23:34, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment: A recent edit created the sentence "In 2007, Hume reclassified it as a species in the genus Psittacula based on comparison of subfossils and 17th and 18th century descriptions, and called it Thirioux's Grey Parrot.Hume, J. P. (2007). page 17.". I've corrected the grammar so that "based on" references the comparision, but couldn't resolve the ambiguity. Is it intended to mean "based on comparison of subfossils and on 17th and 18th century descriptions" or "based on comparison of subfossils with 17th and 18th century descriptions"? And the citation format needs fixing. --Stfg (talk) 12:43, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
On reflection, I've just restored the version that was grammatical and unambiguous and had a well-formatted citation. Please take more care. Dropping this from my watchlist now. --Stfg (talk) 13:51, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I think that you have restored a version that is clunky and difficult to read. I have resorted an earlier version, which I think has the correct emphasis. Further page 17 is the correct page number for the in-line citation and I see nothing wrong the the formatting of the in-line citation. Perhaps, ==Cited works== should be restored, because there are different pages cited from the same works. I explained in my edit summary that page 17 was the correct page source, so I do not know why there is confusion about the formatting on the in-line reference. Please note that there are citations from pages 4-16, page 51, and page 17 of the Hulm paperSnowman (talk) 17:20, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
My impression was that full inline bibliographic citations and short footnotes should not be mixed, but I can't find a clear statement of that in WP:CITE, so apologies if I was mistaken about that. If ==Cited works== is to be restored, it should be done consistently and by consensus, per WP:CITEVAR. (I don't wish to influence that issue one way or the other.) You have restored the ambiguity explained in my initial comment, which I've un-struck, so if you insist on that form of the sentence, please find a way to resolve it. I'm tired of mopping up this stream of grammatical errors and ambiguities, and am out of here. --Stfg (talk) 19:20, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
As far as I am aware, it is standard to use sort citations (see WP:CITESHORT) to deal with multiple pages cited from one book, so I assume that short citations are simply added whenever they are needed. I see the formatting of citations as a work in progress, and I suspect that some of the other sources might need short citations as well, but this might be too presumptive. I think that the earlier complex sentence did not deal with the parrots on Reunion satisfactory. The topic could be expanded to explain more clearly, but I opted for a simplification and excluded the Reunion parrots. Snowman (talk) 01:50, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I think it's a bit too late to implement such a drastic change, especially since it hasn't been mentioned earlier, and wouldn't impact the status of the article. FunkMonk (talk) 16:59, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Short citations were not needed earlier, but now there are citations to three different pages (or page ranges) of the same source. I think that adding short citations at this juncture would be progress and I do not think that is would be a drastic change. Articles have a uniform structure on the Wiki for general ease of access and formatting of in-line citations need to be according to guidelines and MoS in FAs. Snowman (talk) 17:20, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, I'm not sure what's the proper way to handle it then? I find the style used on for example Mauritius Blue Pigeon a bit confusing and a lot of unnecessary work to keep up. FunkMonk (talk) 17:28, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The formatting of the citations for "Mauritius Blue Pigeon" must have taken a lot of hard work and attention to details. I was not suggesting anything so complicated as that for this article. Looking ahead, if you are going to put the extinct island parrots in a featured topic, then I would have thought that it would be optimal to use the same sort of approved formatting in each article; however, it might not be essential for FA of FT. I was thinking more along the lines of the style of Cockatoo, which looks easy to implement in the Broad-billed Parrot article. For more informed planning, it would be useful to know how many different pages (and page ranges) were used for each of the sizeable sources that currently do not have any pages numbers. Of course, there are several different approved styles for in-line citations and opinions from more people would be welcome. Snowman (talk) 17:59, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Is it possible to give more than one page range for a single book in the template, instead of making different citations for each range? Like for example "30-40, 50-80"? FunkMonk (talk) 23:34, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
As far as I am aware, page ranges as big as that are put in different citations. I would say that your example of page ranges "30-40, 50-80" should definitely be have a citation for each range. Are these the actual page ranges that you would wish to incorporate into the Wiki article? I also think that the page range "50-80" (31 pages) is probably too large and that smaller page ranges should be used. The page numbers in citations are for ease of verification. Of course, it would tend to make verification difficult when there is more than one page range. I would also look at the sub-divisions in the source. If information taken for the Wiki is in different chapters or different sections a chapter of a source, then it probably would not be suitable to give a large page range spanning sub-divisions in the source. If you have taken information from page 30 and page 40 and none of the pages in between, then someone might look at all of the pages instead of just the relevant pages, so it be helpful to state the specific pages in this case. I am not sure how detailed MoS is on this. I think an element of common sense would apply to the aim of making verification easy. Page numbers are still missing in some the in-line references to sizeable sources. Snowman (talk) 13:53, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Just an example, the ranges are nowhere near that big, three pages at most. FunkMonk (talk) 22:20, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It seems to me that you are in doubt, so I suspect that it would be better to use separate citations to be on the safe side. It seems to me that the lack of page numbers to some of the sources is incompatible with FA status. I hope that you will find the necessary missing page numbers when you have some spare time. Snowman (talk) 11:31, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not in doubt about the ranges or locations, just in how necessary it is to implement this. I'd like to hear some more views, since this hasn't been brought up in previous FACs I've worked on that used this citation style. FunkMonk (talk) 22:43, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I did intend to mean that you seem to be uncertain about what to do about formatting or organisation of the in-line citations. Please advance this discussion and state the actual pages or/and page ranges that you used as sources. MoS gives a fairly clear account on how to quote page numbers and page ranges in a variety of citation styles. I am certain that it is inconsistent with MoS to have no page numbers in a citation to a book of hundreds of pages. I started to look for FAs that you have worked on and the first two that I found included citations with page numbers and page ranges that I think are not good enough for FAs. Sometimes, I think the problem in your previous FAs is that it may not have been clear that a source is a sizeable book, because a url to an on-line example of the book had not been included. It might be informative to look at FAs that you have not worked on for examples of citation formatting and organisation. Snowman (talk) 16:38, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, what can I say? If it was overwhelmingly accepted during previous reviews, it can hardly be an oversight, so why should it be a problem now? It's a lot of extra work, and if it isn't severely needed or widely asked for, I'll refrain form doing it. FunkMonk (talk) 00:17, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
If it is a lot of work to include the missing page numbers to sources in this article, then I would anticipate that it would also be a lot of work for anyone to verify the information that you have extracted from sources without page numbers. Snowman (talk) 17:03, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Not really. That's what indexes in the end of books are for. FunkMonk (talk) 17:12, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
No. Snowman gives an example of 20 and 30 page ranges (I'm not seeing any). At any rate, we don't typically cite specific pages in journal articles, but we do need to cite manageable page ranges in books. If the ranges are two, maybe three pages, ok, but otherwise, no-- we don't send our readers searching through book indexes or 10, 20 or 30 pages to verify text. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:39, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It was a hypothetical discussion about page ranges and these examples of page ranges were originally raised by User FunkMonk in this edit. There may not be any actual page ranges this size in the article. Snowman (talk) 21:57, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The ranges are three pages at most in Cheke Hume 2008. But they're spread throughout the book. FunkMonk (talk) 18:52, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I don't know what you mean by "but they're spread throughout the book". Can readers easily verify book text, or are we sending them to search the index as you indicated above? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:00, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The book has several sections that focus on specific issues about Mascarene life. So almost each chapter has new info about each species covered. FunkMonk (talk) 19:06, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The on-line version (the url is in the citation template) shows only selected pages. It has chapter numbers, but no page numbers are visible. Snowman (talk) 17:37, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Second look by SandyGeorgia:

  • The page range issue mentioned above needs to be resolved, if in fact page ranges are relying on book indexes or specifying ranges of more than a few pages.
  • Citations are inconsistent: we have some page or pages, and other p. or pp. Pick one style.
  • There are WP:ENDASH problems in the citations.

The two last are probably the result of using templates like cite doi and cite pmid which are prone to inconsistencies and errors, since any editor can fill them in. If you're using those kinds of templates, instead of cite journal, you'll always need to check your citations for consistency. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:39, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

In the previous FACs I've worked on, page ranges were not required for scientific papers, only for books. FunkMonk (talk) 18:43, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Correct (I said that above). When citing a journal article, it is typically OK to cite the entire article page range. When citing a book, more precision is needed; we don't send readers thumbing through book indexes, as you indicated above. I did not find instances where you are doing what Snowman says, but wanted to clarify. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:46, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Some of my comments above were hypothetical, based on examples of what might be done for certain page ranges and so on. Snowman (talk) 20:42, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • As far as I can see, all end dash issues are in manually filled out templates. And there is no reliance on the index from my part. As for picking one style for pages, do you mean stuff like this "Hume, J. P. (2007). page 17."? It stands out, and I do not like how it is implemented. FunkMonk (talk) 02:00, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
That's right, I think I was halfway implementing your suggestion, and then forgot about it. Those pages are about the 19th century identification of the bird. I'f more page ranges could be added within that same citation, or if the entire ranage form first to last mention could be used, it would be less confusing. FunkMonk (talk) 12:13, 26 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I think that I have found the descriptions in chapter 1 or 2 and details of waves of island hopping in chapter 3, and I have not found the other source pages. Due to the source pages spanning the whole book, I think that separate pages (or narrow page ranges) should be used in separate citations. I think that separate citations would make verification easier, reduce confusion, and would be necessary for FA status. Snowman (talk) 13:56, 26 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I would like to see some progress and I think that it would be helpful if you added the missing page numbers, which is essential for verification. Snowman (talk) 13:00, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Remaining to do

[edit]
  • To get on with this, let's see what's left to fix. The remaining problems are with citation style and with page ranges, as far as I understand. Snowman wants more specific page ranges instead of a broad page range for some of the books, and SandyGeorgia wants uniform citation styles. I'm not sure how these issues are compatible? The only break of style continuity is the specific page range citation added by Snowmanradio. No one has demonstrated yet that a page range can be "too large" according to FA criteria. FunkMonk (talk) 06:08, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Pleased do not point to me for introducing inconsistencies in the style of the citations. I see it differently. I had added a ==Cited texts== subheading, which would give a consistent citation format similar to the formatting in the Cockatoo FA article. However, this was removed by this edit by user Stfg. Work on citations is still in progress. FA criteria include all of MOS. Snowman (talk) 12:54, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
But yet again, I have seen no evidence that smaller page ranges are required for an FA, and it was not brought up during previous FACs I worked on. Where is this MOS criterion you keep referring to? FunkMonk (talk) 13:01, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Are you blind to what User SandyGeorgia says in this edit above?. She said "If the ranges are two, maybe three pages, ok, but otherwise, no-- we don't send our readers searching through book indexes or 10, 20 or 30 pages to verify text." Snowman (talk) 13:24, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
She was obviously referring to the non existent 30 page ranges, which is a non-issue, since it was just a random number. And I still haven't been shown anything directly from the MOS in regard to "short ranges", only hand waving. In any case, if we are supposed to use the smaller ranges, I'd like to know how best to implement this. STFG took issue with the version Snowman proposed, and SandyGeorgia seems to have done so too, so what's the alternative? FunkMonk (talk) 13:27, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I am not aware that User SandyGeorgia specifically objected to a "Cited texts" sub-heading used in a standard way as seen on the "Cockatoo" FA article. I note your recent edit made earlier today where you have changed a book page range to "pages= 23–172", which I think is much too large and inconsistent with FA status, because it makes verification difficult. The actual page range currently used in the article is 150 pages (including page 23 and 172). See WP:V. Snowman (talk) 13:47, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I give up; I've lost a long and detailed response three times to edit conflict and computer issues. Yes, when I first raised the issue, it was in reference to Snowman's imaginary page ranges, of which I saw none. But now I do see one, to a 150-page range, which is not verifiable. Yes, the 150-page range is a problem; please fix it, and I will then review again for citation consistency. This is not a MOS issue; it is a verifiability issue. We cannot cite a 150-page range; that is the equivalent of telling our readers, "the information is verifiable, but you'll have to read the whole book to find it". You can put Hume in the Cited Texts, and just use a short form for each citation like:
  • Cheke and Hume (2008), p. 123.
The form used at Cockatoo is fine; there are other acceptable ways to do this, but we do not send readers to search through 150 pages to verify text. On journal articles, we typically cite the article and give the full page range, but on books, specific page numbers (or at most a manageable range of a few page numbers) is needed. I will recheck for citation consistency once that is done. Citation consistency and the page range issue are unrelated, but I cannot check for consistent citations until the citations are stable. If the text is not verifiable to shorter page ranges, I will move to oppose; this FAC has grown so long that I suggest the delegates will need to restart it for a fresh look. Sorting out the citations should not be such a big deal. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 14:01, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Did you have more issues, Sandy? FunkMonk (talk) 20:43, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Alright, all I needed was confirmation of how to implement the different citation style without damaging anything in the process. So I guess it's a go, will finish it later today, and feel free to add the cited text thingy then, Snowman. As for restarting the page, as long as we keep the comments down here from now on, there shouldn't be a problem So let's not go back to earlier comments, if there's nothing that can't be added here. You mentioned something with the intro, Snowman, could you elaborate? FunkMonk (talk) 14:07, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I would support a restart for a fresh look. Snowman (talk) 14:52, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I think we should just get it over with. It seems the remaining issues are minuscule, what held it back for long was a combination of school-work, holiday, and that I wanted more views on the page range thing. And if I appear cranky here, it's because I just chipped a tooth. The FAC page is many times longer than the article itself, that's funny, though. FunkMonk (talk) 14:54, 28 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I would go along with your suggestion of continuing with this discussion to get it finished soon or the delegates suggestion of restarting to have a fresh look. Snowman (talk) 11:18, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think a combination of citations with the full citation format and citations with the short citation format used with a section for relevant full citations to accompany the short citations would be the most convenient format to advance to and would have a reasonably tidy and compact style; see the Cockatoo FA for an example of this sort of citation style. It says; "Shortened footnotes are a hybrid of standard footnotes and parenthetical referencing (Harvard). They use in-text cites that link to a shortened reference in a list and a separate full reference list. The shortened reference may link to the full reference." at Help:Shortened footnotes. I think that a "Cited texts" section is required. Snowman (talk) 11:18, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not sure how it works and how to add it. What goes in it? FunkMonk (talk) 11:20, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
There citations to Check & Hume 2008 are now five separate citations that would make verification easier. I have added a Cited texts section. Snowman (talk) 12:03, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Problem source page: I added new information to the article from page 51 of Hume, J. P. (2007), but you changed it with this edit (without an edit summary) to a different part of the long review paper. I know that page 51`is the correct page source, because I read the page myself and added the new text to the page myself. Have you seen page 51? Why did you change it? Snowman (talk) 12:03, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The same info is found within the 4–17 page range that is already there (and which is where I read it), so there's no need for a separate one. And thanks for the cited text section. FunkMonk (talk) 12:06, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Can you state the exact page to find the information within the range 4 to 17. I used page 51, where I thought the information was presented clearly. Please remember to write good edit summaries particularly when cooperating with others as part of a team. Snowman (talk) 12:10, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I will have a look at the information in the paper within the range 4 to 17, when you inform me of page number. I will see what it says there and access if 51 is a better page source or not. I am likely to be busy today and perhaps for a few days, so it might take me a few days to focus on these issues and to reply. Snowman (talk) 12:25, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Page 10 says that the sexual dimorphism of the head is larger than any other parrot, but it does not refer to the sexual dimorphism of general body size as well as page 51. I can not see anywhere on page 10 that says that the sexual dimorphism of general body size of the Broad-billed Parrot is greater than any living parrot. Perhaps, this is why you did not notice it in the page range 4 to 16 when you wrote earlier drafts of the article. Snowman (talk) 19:32, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I have restored page 51 for the source on information on sexual dimorphism on general body size. Snowman (talk) 19:52, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, alright. What then, other issues? FunkMonk (talk) 11:33, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Yep, I went through the index and checked all occurrences of the bird to be sure. And many of the older papers can be found at the bottom of this page, if you want to check: http://extinct-website.com/extinct-website/product_info.php?products_id=490 It is generally a good source for 19th century articles about extinct birds, and where I find most of such that I use. In turn, I've noticed the owner actually uses text and images from Wikipedia as well. FunkMonk (talk) 14:29, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Fine. In my opinion, you are usually a safe pair of hands. Please note that mirrors of the Wiki are not usually used as sources, as far as I am aware. Snowman (talk) 14:42, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Yup, never cited the site itself, only the PDFs of old articles it hosts. FunkMonk (talk) 14:47, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It's on page ten. It is easy to search for words in PDFs, just search "dimorph". I've changed handful, as for not mentioning raven, that's what it was called in all Dutch accounts, and the word is mentioned in all sources about the bird, so is important in the intro. FunkMonk (talk) 13:45, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I have not seen the sourced information about sexual dimorphism of general body on page 10, but I have seen it on page 51 (see above). Snowman (talk) 14:17, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Ok. FunkMonk (talk) 20:40, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support I would support FA providing there is confirmation that page numbers and page ranges used in citations are stable. I have not systematically searched for MoS issues and readability issues, but I trust that reviewers have looked into this or are looking into this. Snowman (talk) 14:38, 30 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Cryptic C62 · Talk 19:32, 5 January 2013 (UTC):[reply]

  • "A 2012 genetic study..." The rest of the Taxonomy section is arranged chronologically, but this teeny tiny paragraph seems to have been injected in the wrong place.
The sentence is not about this particular species, but the Mascarene Parrot, so does not belong under taxonomy. It is mentioned as an obstacle to the "all parrots from the Mascarene islands are related" hypothesis. FunkMonk (talk) 19:56, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Would it be easier to understand, if the genetic study was more obviously connected to the hypotheses that does not appear to fit the DNA findings? Snowman (talk) 13:09, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I'm afraid of ending up in synthesis, but as it is, I think the problem is that people who read the paragraph think "Mascarene Parrot" somehow refers to the Broad-billed Parrot. FunkMonk (talk) 13:43, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Changed. FunkMonk (talk) 19:59, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • This article mentions the names of a lot of people, but does not give indications of who they are. The most concerning example is Julian Hume, who is first mentioned in the Description section. Is this guy a biologist? A historian? An artist? Any of these would be plausible.
Hume is described as "the English palaeontologist Julian Hume" under evolution. The rest should be alright too. FunkMonk (talk) 19:57, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, I missed that mention of the lad, sorry. In that case, the convention I usually see (and prefer) is that the first mention includes full name and short description, and all subsequent mentions just use the surname. Using the full name later on may mislead readers into thinking that a new person is being introduced. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 20:16, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Ok. FunkMonk (talk) 20:40, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The second paragraph of Behaviour and ecology does not end with a citation.
Fixed, FunkMonk (talk) 19:59, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "possibly confiding nature" What does this mean?
Would be island tameness, but is not said specifically in the source. So I don't know if it could be added. FunkMonk (talk) 19:51, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the interests of getting this thing buttoned up, what exactly does the source say? I took "confiding nature" to mean something along the lines of "lack of wariness", but "confiding" seems a bit of an odd word to use. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 21:45, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
It says "Lophopsittacus must have provided a ready source of food for early mariners (Fig. 7a, and 7b). Its tame and confiding nature..." So perhaps we could write island tameness after all? FunkMonk (talk) 08:33, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the palms it may have specialised in" How does one specialize in a palm? Did it eat the palm or did it live in the palm?
This was brought up before, but that is what the source says. It could mean they lived in them, it could mean they ate their nuts, etc, as specified earlier in the article. FunkMonk (talk) 19:51, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
This part of the article has been brought up more than once, so I suspect that it needs rephrasing. Snowman (talk) 10:58, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
How about "the palms that may have sustained them"? FunkMonk (talk) 11:07, 7 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
If we're not sure what the source's phrasing means, perhaps it would be better to simply quote it directly and let the reader decide rather than just guessing. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 20:16, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Well, if we don't want to diverge from the sentence in the source, the original phrasing ("the palms it may have specialised in") is almost identical to that in the paper. But it is pretty certain that he means they sustained themselves on the palms, since he makes a case tor this elsewhere in the article (and there is no other way a bird can "specialise" in a palm). My only problem was that he does not say so specifically in the sentence about extinction, but that's probably just me being overly cautious. It isn't exactly "synthesis" when it's from the same paper. FunkMonk (talk) 20:40, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Image check - all ok (PD age, own work). Sources and authors provided (tweaked some licenses for clarity and US-relevance). GermanJoe (talk) 10:22, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The alternative common name "Raven Parrot" which is seen in the introduction of the article is not referenced. The common name "Mauritius Parrot" is featured on the IUCN website on the species page. Snowman (talk) 20:37, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'm not sure if it is referred to as Raven Parrot outside the 2008 and 2012 books Hume co-wrote. On the other hand, I've not encountered a single source that uses "Mauritius Parrot", I don't know where the IUCN got it from. I've ordered James Greenway's 1967 book which seems to be influential, perhaps it has some answers. FunkMonk (talk) 20:47, 10 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Meanwhile, I think verification for the alternative common name of "Raven Parrot" is inadequate in the Wiki article. Snowman (talk) 17:02, 11 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • If Greenway's book is influential then perhaps it should have been employed before now. That said, I see no objections to the article on the grounds of comprehensiveness so I'm ready to promote if we can resolve this last point to everyone's immediate satisfaction (including mine) -- "raven parrot" needs a reliable source or it shouldn't be in the article. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 04:50, 12 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 14:47, 12 January 2013 [38].

California State Route 56

[edit]
Nominator(s): Rschen7754 04:01, 14 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

SR 56 is a major freeway in San Diego that is less than 10 miles long, yet took decades to build. Rschen7754 04:01, 14 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

1. Need labels of the city "San Diego" embedded on the map. The reader should know what city this freeway is in. (This is the San Diego area, right? I drove on this freeway to get to the San Diego zoo, haha.)
2. California State Route 56 had that recently completed portion, yet the current map does not reflect that. Replace that purple dotted line with that solid red line.
Other than that, I honestly didn't review the entire article, but rather just the map. 8-9-1-1-9 (talk) 01:46, 16 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The purple dotted line is the part that was never constructed. Working on adding the text. --Rschen7754 01:48, 16 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Text added. --Rschen7754 02:06, 16 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for addressing the map text concern. And my apologies over the purple-dotted line. It was Route 52, not 56, that got extended (right?). (I always get those mixed up...) 8-9-1-1-9 (talk) 08:37, 16 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
No problem, I'm trying to get SR 52 ready for FAC next. :) --Rschen7754 08:39, 16 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Hey, I still notice that State Route 52's extension is not reflected on the map; the freeway's east end is at Route 67 (and not Route 125 anymore). Can you replace the golden dotted line with the blue line? 8-9-1-1-9 (talk) 01:53, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
That would require redoing the whole map, unfortunately, as that line is not entirely accurate. I don't think it's a huge deal for this article as SR 52 isn't the focus of this article (whereas I obviously redid the one for SR 52). --Rschen7754 01:57, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, I had to redo the map for California State Route 67 anyway, and I decided to redo this one as well. --Rschen7754 06:08, 2 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Spotty, incomplete review by SandyGeorgia;
  1. Please search out every "however" in the article, and correct as needed (there are many, everywhere, repetitve, not needed, not good): see here.
    I think it's good now, though I'm still not exactly sure which instances are incorrect. --Rschen7754 07:52, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  2. "The city of San Diego agreed to pay $25 million (about $42.1 million today), ... " Today needs as of, see WP:MOSDATE#Precise language. This occurs throughout the article.
    Done. --Rschen7754 02:51, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  3. "after the completion of two lawsuits that residents lost ... " After residents lost two lawsuits. Challenging ... what ?
    Fixed. --Rschen7754 07:07, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  4. "Planning for the missing ramps at the western end of SR 56 was under way in 2008, amid nearby homeowner opposition ... " Amid ?
    Changed to "despite". --Rschen7754 07:18, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Nothing glaring, but little glitches here and there, please give it another pass, and please deal with the "howevers" and "todays". SandyGeorgia (Talk) 02:30, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

All replied to. --Rschen7754 07:52, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Your changes introduced a typo (there are currently --> here are currently), and "currently" also falls afoul of MOSDATE#Precise language, so please review throughout. "As of today" is meaningless in a dynamic environment. It is also redundant-- you don't seem to be understanding MOSDATE#Precise language, so you may need to review this and all of your FAs for same. "As of today" does not fix the problem-- are you intending to say something like "in 2012 dollars"? You didn't say what residents were opposed to in the two lawsuits they lost. So, you have fixed the "howevers", but nothing else, and in fact, "as of today" is even worse. I do hope that the Roads Project will undertake a review of any recent FAs for same, because it doesn't appear anyone has been catching them. Please search all of your FAs for currently, recently, today and however; remove however when it adds nothing, and make your language that references time or date specific so that it will endure as time marches on. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 15:57, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I apologize; I misunderstood what you were saying. I've changed statements to use the template. Should be making a second pass in a few hours. --Rschen7754 19:05, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I think it's good now - let me know if there's anything else. --Rschen7754 21:51, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
OK, now you have uppercase problems and redundant prose. See sample:
  • Nevertheless, As of 2012 there are no plans to construct the portion of SR 56 east of I-15.[12] As of 2012, several arterial roads connect the eastern end of the SR 56 freeway with SR 67, including Ted Williams Parkway, Twin Peaks Road, Espola Road (CR S5), and Poway Road (CR S4).
Why is the first As of capitalized? Can you avoid using that dumb template in every instance, and vary the prose with different selections? Merging these two sentences to one will let you indicate the date once. The second as of is really unnecessary; is that likely to change? Please re-check everything, because your changes have again introduced errors. I suggest you need to re-read the entire article instead of just applying templated changes-- I have no idea why that template always uses uppercase. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:12, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
There are only two times that template is not used for the phrase "(in 2012 dollars)", and those were the two issues above, that I have now fixed. --Rschen7754 22:17, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, I didn't reread the article, but this looks better. Again, I hope you all will review FAs passed this year for same, since I'm not sure reviewers have been checking this, and we don't use "today, recently, currently" etc in article per MOSDATE#Precise language. Good luck here ! SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:21, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Turns out it's just me; I did a search for those words on the last FA of our FA writers, and everything was in order. --Rschen7754 09:42, 3 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Oops, I'm back ... I don't know what this sentence means, not a correct use of the word average, can't tell you how to rephrase because I can't figure out what you want the sentence to be saying:

  • In the year 2011, there was an average of between 55,000 and 78,000 vehicles traveling on SR 56 on a weekday.

"The year" is redundant: 2011 is 2011. Do you mean to say:

It was alleged that Councilwoman Abbe Wolfsheimer nominated Wilson for the honor as political ammunition against Councilman Ron Roberts.[41]

Williams, soon after leaving San Diego ...

Delegate note -- Okay, this one should make the cut but just skimming through the prose I found things that suggested it would benefit from a light copyedit at least -- you might ask say Dank or Maralia to give it the once-over. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 12:20, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I've taken a run through, and I'll ask Dank to do the same. I'm used to writing, but not writing with random blocks of code strewn in... *sigh* --Rschen7754 22:00, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Dank is unable to, so I've asked Maralia. --Rschen7754 22:44, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I will try to get to this tomorrow. Maralia (talk) 05:18, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, thanks! --Rschen7754 05:24, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Note: I will be away from a computer starting tomorrow morning (Thursday) and ending Friday night. I'll have my phone with me, but will not be able to make extended replies. --Rschen7754 05:33, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Cryptic C62:

  • The lead does not answer the question "How long is this route?".
  • The lead does not answer the question "How much usage does this route get?".
  • "from southbound I-5 one must exit to Carmel Valley Road before entering SR 56." This seems a bit like a how-to guide. Perhaps changing "from southbound I-5 one must exit" to "southbound I-5 traffic must exit" would help?
  • "Planning for SR 56 was started in 1956, according to San Diego Councilwoman Barbara Warden." This is a rather abrupt way to begin the section, and it implies that the planning process just spontaneously popped into existence one day. Whose idea was it to build SR 56, and why? The idea came before the construction, and as such it should be explained first.
    • No, this gives a definite start date and is in chronological order. --Rschen7754 22:08, 26 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      • Perhaps I was not clear on what my concern was. When I read the word "planning" in an article like this, I assume it means "figuring out the logistics": the exact layout, the number of exits, the contractors to build it, the funding, etc. If this is the correct interpretation of "planning", then what must inevitably come before the planning phase is an idea, a proposal, some indication that someone thought the route would be a good idea. Whose idea was it to build this route? --Cryptic C62 · Talk 15:54, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "On June 13, 2012, Caltrans held a public forum..." and what was the result of this discussion? It happened more than 6 months ago; surely something new must have been released in that time.

-- Cryptic C62 · Talk 21:46, 26 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Status check -- Rschen, have you followed up with Maralia re. the requested copyedit? Also, regardless of the fact that Cryptic has struck his oppose, I think we can do better than responding to our reviewers like this, no? Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 09:15, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Maralia hasn't edited since December 20th; should I try again? Sure, I could have been less provocative, but I was quite annoyed by the reviewer trying to force what he wanted into the article (in a way similar to what happened to M-1, but on a smaller scale). --Rschen7754 09:18, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Will ping Maralia. --Rschen7754 09:32, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
In future, if you believe that a reviewer's suggestion is unjustified, you will find that your arguments will be better received if they are backed up by sound reasoning and evidence. Maybe the sources I found were indeed garbage; I certainly wouldn't know, as I've never edited a road article in my life. But if you don't (or can't) explain why it's garbage, then there is no way to make progress with the discussion. You dig? --Cryptic C62 · Talk 16:22, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Moving to user's talk. --Rschen7754 19:51, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments I've performed a light copyedit on the article by request (see [41]) and cleaned up some remaining issues. It looks to be in good shape. I have a few outstanding concerns/questions:
  • "After passing milepost 2, the freeway has a similar diamond interchange with Carmel Country Road" Similar to what? Couldn't figure it out.
  • "This lawsuit claimed that the state and city had not done enough environmental studies and mitigation. The 4th District Court of Appeals denied the appeal on October 23." This sentence seems to refer to the Del Mar Conservancy suit, although it follows text about the Sierra Club suit. It is misplaced?
  • Why do you need a total of 3 refs for Ted Williams being born in San Diego and having played baseball for the Red Sox? Seems like those things should be easily found in one source.
  • I didn't write the baseball part of the article, and don't have access to the sources. I took a look at the Ted Williams article, but I didn't see any sources at first glance (and I'm not sure what RSes are in the sports world). --Rschen7754 07:37, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Who's Kevin McNamara? Just some random dude that had to pay $15,0000 because he wanted the name Ted Williams? Can we get some context?
  • The source says that he was the primary guy who pushed for this, but got stuck paying the bill when he found out after the name went through that he would be responsible for the costs. I've tried to make it clearer; let me know if it's any better. --Rschen7754 04:16, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
--Laser brain (talk) 03:53, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
All replied to, and thanks! --Rschen7754 08:59, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 00:29, 10 January 2013 [42].

Brazza's Martin

[edit]
Nominator(s): Jimfbleak - talk to me? 08:00, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Like many other birds from the Congo Basin, this species is very poorly known, a single study in 2007 quadrupling its known range. The never-ending wars in the DRC don't help either. Anyway, this is essentially everything known about this small swallow Jimfbleak - talk to me? 08:00, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Lit check. Here's some things I found that may or may not be useful. Sasata (talk) 15:33, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • if you can read Deutsch, the Web of Knowledge suggests that there might be relevant info in the following:
Title: PROBLEMS OF GENUS DIFFERENTIATION IN ORNITHOLOGY
Author(s): WOLTERS H E
Source: Bonner Zoologische Beitraege Volume: 22 Issue: 3-4 Pages: 210-219 Published: 1971
This journal is open access, and apparently the article should be available at this page, but I think they haven't activated the link yet or something. An email might be fruitful if you think this is worth pursuing.
  • Turner covers the suggestion by Wolters and other that the genus should be split, but I've send an email just in case there's something I missed. I was going to go into more detail when I write the genus article (I'm aiming for FT eventually) Jimfbleak - talk to me? 08:02, 13 December 2012 (UTC) [reply]
Title: Notes on African Birds-Artamella gen. n., Phedina, Sigmodus.
Author(s): Sclater, W. L.
Source: Bulletin of the British Ornithologists' Club Volume: 44 Pages: pp. 90-93 Published: 1924 (available here)
  • in theory, it should be possible to include a link to the protolog, as Le Naturaliste canadien is available online
  • It states that borbonica and madagascariensis differs from this bird through the small size, rather one-coloured back and finer dashing on throat and chest. Also I see you did not describe its throat.--Tomcat (7) 15:36, 15 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Not sure how relevant that it since there is no range overlap, but added anyway, also tweaked to make it clear that underparts includes throat
  • in the lead sentence, links to swallow and Hirundae lead to the same page
  • I think the imperial conversions should be consistent throughout the article as to whether fractions or decimals are used
  • links: plumage, clutch; I think the African countries would be sufficiently unfamiliar to a largely Western audience to justify links
  • "The song consists of a series of short notes increasing in frequency, followed by a complex buzz, and sometimes completed by a number of clicks." I can't quite put my finger on exactly why, but this sentence construction seems odd to me. How about "The song consists of a series of short notes of increasing frequency, followed by a complex buzz that is sometimes completed by a number of clicks."
  • Several paragraphs start with "This". I'm not sure if it is grammatically incorrect, but combined with the other sentences that start similarly, it adds a subtly monotonous feel. Perhaps these could be mixed up a bit for variety?
  • "The genus name, Phedina, is derived from the Greek phaios (φαιός) "brown" and the Italian rondine "swallow",[4] and the species name commemorates Italian-born French explorer Pierre Savorgnan de Brazza, later to become governor-general of the French Congo,[5] who collected the type specimen.[6]" Suggest this sentence be split into two. Link governor-general?
  • what is the argument for the suggestion that this species be moved to its own genus?
  • "The current Association of European Rarities Committees (AERC) recommended practice" needs a hyphen before recommended (as a compound adjective modifying "practice")?
  • link/gloss vent
  • ""The square tail averages 46.8 mm (1.8 in)" long? wide?
  • "the black bill averages 8.5 mm (0.33 in)." ditto
  • link buff; subspecies; bird song; breeding season; courtship display; fledging
  • "end of a typically 50 cm (20 in) tunnel." needs to be hyphenated (adjectival)
  • what colour are the eggs?
  • Many thanks for support

Support Comments by Ben MacDui

This looks in very good shape to me and I only have a few comments.
  • several streaked African Hirundo species
Does this mean 'species of the Hirundininae subfamily'? - 'Hirundo' is not otherwise explained.
  • The song is similar to that of Banded Martin, and does not resemble Mascarene Martin, suggesting unresolved taxonomic problems
Missing 'the's before the species name?
  • known to breed in the south of the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC) and the Republic of the Congo, and in northern Angola.
Does not need the first 'and'.
'Gabon' could be linked.
  • The Helm dictionary of Scientific Bird Names uses a capital 'd' in Dictionary on its front page.
Action??
  • In the lead - it does not appear to be facing any serious short-term threats.
I am sure individuals experience threats on a daily basis and "the species does not appear to be facing any serious short-term threats." might be better. A shade pedantic perhaps - it is obvious what is meant but it read a little oddly on first sight. Ben MacDui 20:09, 15 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry to be dense. Ben MacDui 21:21, 16 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, I recommend a wee dram to get you back up to speed (; Jimfbleak - talk to me? 06:51, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Any reason why Congo Martin is still bolded in Taxonomy section?

Other than that, little to complain about....Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:49, 26 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done

  • I suspect that Nikki's first point relates to say FN2 ("Turner & Rose") and FN6 ("Sharpe & Wyatt") vs. FN13 ("Mills, Michael S L; Cohen, Callan") -- I prefer to see the latter style (semi-colon rather than ampersand) in the citations as it matches the style in the reference section. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 13:21, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Actually, though your amended version is fine, the original inconsistency pointed out by Ian was okay too because it was a difference between shortened and full citations, rather than between citations of the same type. What I was referring to (still inconsistent) is that in the Cited texts section the first source does not include commas in the listing of authors after first author (Barthel P H; Bauer H-G...), whereas all other entries (and full citations in footnotes) do. By the way, someone's added an error in FN5, and your updated citation style doesn't match FN14 (which still uses the old style). Oh, and FN22 is still short a few periods. Nikkimaria (talk) 15:56, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ah, I've reverted to ampersands rather than have to list all the authors at FN14. I've sprinkled full stops everywhere they could possibly go in FN22. There ought to be a template for X in Y where Y is an on-line rather than real book or journal Jimfbleak - talk to me? 16:59, 8 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support (can't comment on finer ornithological details, but those are covered by previous reviews). The article appears to cover all noteworthy facts, is well-structured and sourced.

  • I'm not completely happy with the range map, as an occasional reader may not immediately identify the African region - the map is zoomed in, so the African coastline is only partially visible. Tried to improve the caption a bit, but if you have any better ideas, feel free to revert. GermanJoe (talk) 10:59, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 22:09, 5 January 2013 [43].

Omphalotus nidiformis

[edit]
Nominator(s): Casliber (talk · contribs) 14:15, 8 December 2012 (UTC) Sasata (talk · contribs)[reply]

This is a joint nomination by me and Sasata - has polished up well and I feel it's up to the criteria. It is small and there are two of us nominating, so we can respond double-quick.... :) Casliber (talk · contribs) 14:15, 8 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Support Comments by Cwmhiraeth

In general this seems a good article but I think the prose could do with a bit more polishing. Here are a few things I noticed: Cwmhiraeth (talk) 20:27, 10 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Poisonings have occurred over confusion with oyster mushrooms." - An awkward sentence.
  • "The ghost fungus was initially described in 1844 by English naturalist Miles Joseph Berkeley as Agaricus nidiformis, who thought it related to Agaricus ostreatus (now Pleurotus ostreatus) but remarked it was a "far more magnificent species"" - I think this sentence is too long and convoluted.
  • "All three taxa have been synonymised with this species, ..." - You had "all three named taxa" in the previous sentence.
  • The last two paragraphs of "Taxonomy and naming" seem to have an intermingling of present and past tenses.
Could you explain or wikilink "compatibility". Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:54, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Similarly the first paragraph of "Description" has a mix of singular and plural forms.
  • "They are thin-walled with a smooth surface, and inamyloid." - An awkward sentence.
  • "It may be confused with the edible brown oyster mushroom" - I don't think you should start a paragraph with "It".
  • "It occurs in south western Western Australia" - ditto.
  • "A saprobe or parasite, it is nonspecific" - ditto.
  • "The US Department of Agriculture considers there is a moderate to high risk of its importation" - ditto. (Perhaps you will disagree with me about these, but I wouldn't start these paragraphs in this way.)
  • I think the first sentence in the "Distribution and habitat" section is too long.
??? Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:54, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
That's better. Changed my "Comments" to "Support". Cwmhiraeth (talk) 14:48, 11 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Its toxicity was first mentioned in a guidebook by Anthony M. Young in his 1982 work Common Australian Fungi" - I think this sentence could be arranged so that it had fewer "in"s.

Query

  • I remain to be convinced that image captions are acceptable starting with lower case letters. What MOS guidelines justify this or can you find other examples of FAs or even GAs using this practice? Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:00, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
*Our own guidelines shy away from making a decision at all on the matter. I can't recall where I read it. Will look around online for some style guidelines as it crops up all the time and be good to settle it once and for all. Casliber (talk · contribs) 20:13, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • That guideline you've linked to does not state explicitly that caps are to be used, but tellingly, all of the examples it gives are capitalized (except for one which starts with an ellipsis). Also, MOS:CAPTION explicitly states "Captions normally start with a capital letter." Sasata (talk) 20:38, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support with comments just a few nitpicks Jimfbleak - talk to me? 10:41, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • O. nidiformis is one of several species with bioluminescent properties occurring worldwide. — possibly ambiguous, suggesting that nidiformis has a worldwide distribution
clarified Casliber (talk · contribs) 11:47, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Berkeley thought it related to Agaricus ostreatus — is there a "was" missing?
added Casliber (talk · contribs) 11:47, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Omphalotus — etymology?
I've been looking for a discussion on it - was trying to find the original Fayod paper. The easy option is to just use my ancient greek lexicon but was holding out for a source that discussed it in relation to the actual fungus. Casliber (talk · contribs) 21:47, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • O.K.Mill. — I think there should at least be a space before Mill, see Orson K. Jr
added Casliber (talk · contribs) 11:47, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I've been trying to standardize author names without spaces (saves a bit of room in taxobox synonymy lists; see also List of mycologists), so I might change this back when nobody's looking :) Sasata (talk) 16:41, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • brown in colour = brown
fixed Casliber (talk · contribs) 11:47, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why are captions not capitalised on first word?
Because they are not sentences, but merely words (there is no active verb present) Casliber (talk · contribs) 11:47, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Cas and I interpret MOS:CAPTION differently, I guess. I see the statement "Captions normally start with a capital letter.", but I don't see where the guideline allows for non-capitalization of sentence fragments. Sasata (talk) 14:27, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It's tricky as our own policy shies away from making a decision on the issue, but I do remember reading somewhere about not using capitals unless it is a sentence (and converting to sentences often makes captions souns unwieldy) Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:09, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Support comments from Cassianto
Lead
  • "It is primarily known from southern Australia and Tasmania, but was reported from India in 2012." - seems as if there is a word or two missing from between "known" and "from". "It is primarily known to grow in southern Australia and Tasmania" or similar?

*"Possible over linking of cramps and vomiting.

  • See WP:OVERLINK - "An article is said to be overlinked if... [It contains] everyday English words that are expected to be understood in the general context" - Cramps, you could leave but I would expect one to know what vomiting was seeing as everybody suffers with it at least once or twice in their life. -- CassiantoTalk 16:56, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Taxonomy and naming
  • Fine.
Description
  • Fine.
Distribution and habitat
  • Fine.
Ecology

*Overlink of host.

Nothing major in terms of quibbles. Overall, another interesting article. -- CassiantoTalk 16:37, 12 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate notes

  • Thanks to all the reviewers for comments but I'd have expected to see an image check by someone before all these declarations of support. As it happens they're fine, all taken by Cas, but a comprehensive review needs to consider image licensing.
  • Cas/Sas, while I'm not wholly against "however"s, I do like to be clear as to why they're there, and I'm not certain about the one in the lead, i.e. "it was previously considered a member of the same genus, Pleurotus, and described under the former names Pleurotus nidiformis or Pleurotus lampas. However, it is poisonous and while not lethal, consuming this mushroom..." Is it there because members of Pleurotus are typically not poisonous? If so I'd be explicit and say "Unlike other members of Pleurotus, it is poisonous..." or recast the sentence in some other way. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 13:46, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, pleurotus are generally edible and widely eaten..added "unlike oyster mushrooms" to clarify. Casliber (talk · contribs) 14:40, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 13:04, 5 January 2013 [44].

Bert T. Combs

[edit]
Nominator(s): Acdixon (talk · contribs) 15:08, 22 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

After a couple of FACs for this article crashed and burned 2 years ago, I lost interest, but now that I'm so close to my goal of a Governors of Kentucky featured topic, I've come back to it. I located some more sources and shepherded it through a successful MILHIST A-class review. Now, I think it's ready to finally cross that FA threshold. Third time's a charm. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 15:08, 22 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Weak support Comments. Good to see this back here; I always enjoy your Kentucky governor articles. This is noticeably improved from the last FAC, and I expect to be able to support when a couple of minor points are fixed.

I've switched to support; weak, because I do think you should at least look at the public papers, though I think the article is fairly comprehensive as is. The prose is fine; I have not done an image or source review. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:32, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Kentucky's Democratic Party had split into two factions by 1955 when Earle C. Clements, the leader of one faction, chose Combs to challenge A. B. "Happy" Wasn't it the primary that they competed in, not the gubernatorial election? Similarly, Combs beat Waterfield in the primary, not the main election, surely?
  • The infobox has his governorship below the appeals court post; wouldn't the governorship be more important, or is there a standard order of posts in infoboxes of this type?
  • He announced, however, that he would serve only until a new election could be held: this could have been announced by either Wetherby or Combs, so I would make it "Combs announced" or "Wetherby announced".
  • Per this site, which is probably not a reliable source, the Mountain Parkway was renamed for him in 1976. If you can find a source, it would be good to add the date.
  • Clements did not immediately resign, but the incident caused a rift between him and Combs that never fully healed. Clements later resigned, ostensibly to work on...: I think you can cut "Clements did not immediately resign", start with "The incident..." and then put a semicolon after "healed".
  • could be interpreted to mean limited salaries adjusted for inflation: I'm not sure what "limited" means here.
    • The state constitution actually spells out the exact salary for the state's elected officials. Rather than try to get a pay raise by constitutional amendment, they eventually challenged it in court, and the court said the constitutional provisions could be interpreted as meaning that government salaries should be limited, but not necessarily to those amounts. They ruled that the salaries in the constitution could be scaled up for inflation and such. The case was nicknamed the "rubber dollar case", and one of these days, I'm going to write it up as its own article. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 21:32, 23 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      How about making it "could be interpreted to mean that the salaries could be adjusted for inflation"? I think that would be a little clearer. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 00:32, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'm glad you added material from Robinson's Oral History; I think it adds some useful colour. I think you should at least add Robinson's The public papers of Governor Bert T. Combs, 1959-1963 to the further reading, and there might be useful material in it for the article. Have you been able to consult it?

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 15:01, 23 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 21:32, 23 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. Please check the edit summaries. - Dank (push to talk)

Source comments

Comments: The URL in the refs should have publisher info and an access date added. Not seeing any prose issues, though I'm not the biggest fan of the reference format noted above for the later stuff. It is at least consistent throughout the article, so I won't hold this against FA status. Wizardman 03:44, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I assume you were referencing the Sara Walter Combs link, which I'm surprised I hadn't fixed before now. If you meant another one, please let me know, and I'll try to give it some attention. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 14:47, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It was; Support. Wizardman 17:37, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

CommentsSupport by Peacemaker67 (send... over) 03:33, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Lead
  • not sure about "attained a degree". I know "attained" is intended to convey difficulty, but "obtained" would IMO be more elegant.
  • Not seeing it?
  • his service in WWII definitely could do with an additional sentence fragment regarding what he did in the war. It currently begs the question.
  • I've tweaked, it was a little clunky.
  • Chandler chose Combs, or encouraged him? Chose begs a question. At this point, there is no mention of Combs as being an aspiring Democrat politician.
  • From what I understand, Clements chose Combs; he had that much power within his faction. I'm not sure Combs actually was an aspiring Democratic politician. I think Clements plucked him from relative obscurity. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 16:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • OK.
  • How was he travelling home when he died? walking or driving?
  • Clarified
  • OK.
  • Early legal career etc
  • Machester?
  • the bit about OCS isn't clear. He was allowed to attend OCS immediately after basic training, then later attended OCS? Can you clarify?
  • Since I don't know much about this subject matter, I'm not able to say for certain what the deal was. After re-reading the sources, I've tried to rewrite it in a way that makes more sense. All three relevant sources are online; perhaps you can understand the chain of events better than I. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 16:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • OK.
  • Political career
  • "boss-dominated"? Non-US readers (like me) wouldn't have a clue. Needs explanation in the text, not just the wikilink.
  • Good work, nice and succinct.
  • " but the endorsement came too late, Combs felt, to be much help" suggest " but Combs felt the endorsement came too late to be much help"
  • That would make the sentence read "...Barkley publicly announced his support for Combs, but Combs felt the endorsement came too late to be much help". Do you see the repetition of "Combs" so close together is problematic? Acdixon (talk · contribs) 16:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Perhaps "...Combs was publicly endorsed by former VP..., but felt the endorsement came too late to be much help.
  • Doh. My mistake.
  • what are "public accommodations"?
  • OK.
  • "proclaimed similar platforms" or "advanced similat platforms"? I suggest the latter is more elegant.
  • Later life
  • the flash flood was in Lexington, but Comb's law office was in Frankfort? Could you clarify how he was travelling and from where to where?
  • Re-read the source. Not sure where I got that the flood was in Lexington, although it is possible that between 1971 (when his office was in Frankfort) and 1991, he had moved his office to Lexington. They aren't that far apart, and the NYT article notes that he maintained homes in both Lexington and rural Powell County. Anyway, the NYT notes that about 50 miles separated his home and Lexington, so the flooding could have been happening all along the route. I removed "in Lexington" to hopefully reduce confusion. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 16:19, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Clearer now.

Just one thing to consider, the endorsement. Peacemaker67 (send... over) 11:12, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Done. Anything else? Acdixon (talk · contribs) 15:57, 4 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
All good. Well done, moving to support. Your Kentucky governor articles are outside my usual areas of interest, but I really enjoy reading them. Regards, Peacemaker67 (send... over) 00:51, 5 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 23:43, 3 January 2013 [45].

Washington v. Texas

[edit]
Nominator(s): Lord Roem (talk) 18:30, 20 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'm excited to put this article up for FA after months of work. I look forward to incorporating your suggestions and hearing your thoughts. Have at it! Cheers, Lord Roem (talk) 18:30, 20 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment - some page range formatting and a few broken harvard citations (only skimmed through):

Comment - my US law knowledge is exactly zero, so just a few more minor nitpicks, no full review:

  • lead "Washington v. Texas, 388 U.S. [14] (1967), is a ..." ==> external links within the main article text are discouraged, check the other two Supreme Court FAs for a possible solution.
  • ratification "Federal courts accepted these common law rules and expressly applied [it] in United States v. Reid (1852) ..." ==> "them"
  • application "... of that amendment's Due Process Clause.[11] [The Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment] says ..." - restart with "This clause ..." to avoid repetition, it's completely detailed in the previous sentence already.
  • "Hurtado left open the question of what 'fundamental principles of liberty and justice' would be protected. In 1897, the Court held that the Fifth Amendment's 'just compensation clause' relating to eminent domain takings ..." ==> Are those single quote marks an expection to the general MOS-guideline to use double quotations? Just checking.
  • Opinion ==> consider switching the first and second sentence. Actually the text has Warren - The Court - Warren as subjects and the 3 initial statements read a bit disconnected.
  • Subsequent "With this context in mind, the Clause likely enshrined the right to subpoena witnesses and have a fair trial, rather than a more robust 'right to have a defense'["]. " - The ending quotation mark has no prior start. GermanJoe (talk) 09:09, 23 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment - I noticed that this article still has an open request at Wikipedia:WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors/Requests. GoCE tries not to copyedit during nominations, so you might want to withdraw that request, or at least note there that the FAC has begun. Maralia (talk) 04:11, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I've withdrawn the request there. Lord Roem (talk) 00:00, 25 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment - What became of Washington himself? Mackensen (talk) 21:59, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Interesting question, but I'm afraid I could not find the answer. None of the sources discuss what happened afterwards, and there doesn't appear to be any remanded proceedings at the Texas Courts. I would speculate that this means Washington was freed, but that's just my guess. Lord Roem (talk) 22:21, 28 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, I couldn't find anything either. Mackensen (talk) 22:12, 4 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]


Comment. Prose is good, and the article covers all major aspects of the topic comprehensively and clearly. Ucucha (talk) 17:01, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment. The intro should mention Jackie Washington. —Mrwojo (talk) 05:41, 2 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment. I did some miscellaneous copyediting just now. The article probably still needs a bit more cleanup, but I think it basically looks good. One thing I would like to see, if possible, is a mention in "Subsequent developments" of whether Washington was retried, and if so, what the outcome of the retrial was. — Richwales 00:13, 5 December 2012 (UTC) [reply]

  • Thanks for the help. As I mention above, I found nothing about what happened after the decision. It appears, from the lack of further opinions, that there were no remanded proceedings, and he was just freed. That's just my speculation though, and I've found nothing to say anything either way. Lord Roem (talk) 00:26, 5 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I shepardized 388 U.S. 14, and there is one case in the subsequent appellate history: Washington v. State, 417 S.W.2d 278 (Tex. Crim. App. 1967). A very short opinion saying that the Supreme Court reversed and remanded, and that "The opinion of the Supreme Court requires that appellant's motion to reverse and remand this cause be granted. The judgment of the trial court is reversed, and the cause is remanded." I couldn't find anything after that — could be because Washington was not retried, or he was retried and acquitted (or had a hung jury, and the state chose not to try him a third time), or he was retried and convicted (and the second conviction was not appealed) — no way to tell which, and of course, we're not allowed to speculate. I also tried looking for something in a news story or a law journal article, but no luck. But at least we've got something to add in the subsequent history (and I added it to the infobox just now). — Richwales 03:03, 5 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Great! Thanks so much! Again, I appreciate the help. I think this then resolves your outstanding concern. Best, Lord Roem (talk) 03:08, 5 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
This concern is resolved. I have some other concerns, which I'll list below in a separate comment so they won't get lost. — Richwales 04:55, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Image check - OK

Comment I've read it through and made some comments on the first few sections. I am concerned that the article still needs some work. I'm not a constitutional lawyer, but I took the course and a courtroom lawyer has to have a good working knowledge of such things. Not opposing yet, but just judging by what I feel is necessary in the first few sections, someone needs to go through it to assure legal accuracy, accessibility to the lay reader, and coherent sequences of events. Here are some comments, but I shouldn't have to comment at this depth. This isn't peer review.

Lede
  • I'd like to see the term "incorporation" used in the first paragraph, in such a way that it doesn't have to be defined. One way to do this is to change the first sentence after the legal citation to " is a United States Supreme Court decision which held that the Compulsory Process Clause of the Sixth Amendment applies to the states, or is incorporated, by virtue of the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment. (add links and pipes as needed).
  • I suggest deleting the second sentence of the lede entirely. I don't see that it is necessary, as all the information (but for the characterization) is contained in the third sentence.
  • while concurring in its judgment" perhaps make more layman-friendly with "while agreeing with the outcome" or similar.
"as he regularly did during cases involving incorporation of the Bill of Rights." During? Perhaps "in"
""Washington represents the continued application of Sixth Amendment trial guarantees against the states." I'm not sure "represents", with the present tense, is what you are looking for here. Maybe change the beginning to "The decision in Washington saw the continued …"
"I would simplify "the right to trial by an impartial jury" to "the right to trial by jury" lest the reader think the focus is on the word "impartial" and misunderstand.
"successive decisions tightening when compulsory process is required." Perhaps "later decisions." The rest is implied.
Background
  • "Benson (1892)" Surely not the full name of the case.
  • I'd start with the common law doctrine before mentioning the Constitution. I'd also more clearly state that the Bill of Rights guarantees were not originally intended to be applicable to the states. That's sort of implied, but not clearly.
  • Justice Matthews should be given his full name and a link.
  • Why is the railroad takings case not named?
  • I would delete "opening" in "broad opening statement". The Court plainly did not begin its ruling with that, and it's a pun on what lawyers do at a trial after the judge says "Opening statements, please".
  • How is what the Court said in Twining in any way a rule? Sounds like dicta to me.
  • "Specifically, the Court said that the test was whether the right" Was this in Twining?
  • "Though eight justices said". Not said. Agreed, concurred, stated.
  • "Expansion of procedural trial rights". This subsection seems very weak. Perhaps it should be framed by describing the Warren Court's work applying the Bill of Rights to the states, throwing in some famous cases
I'll wait for a response.--Wehwalt (talk) 18:11, 16 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Mostly done. Few things not done. (1) Change to first paragraph of the lede. I'm not opposed to putting 'incorporation' in the first paragraph, but if your concern was readability, I thought "applicable to the states" was more understandable. (2) My source (Walker) explains the Twining statement as part of the holding, i.e. it's the argument for why incorporation works. Thanks for your comments! Best, Lord Roem (talk) 18:49, 16 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment. In general, the content and organization of this article seem very good. I have some concerns, which deal mostly with copyedit-level issues.

  • I believe every first mention of a Supreme Court case should be accompanied by an inline cite to the case using the "ussc" template. Some cases are currently cited on first mention (but without using "ussc"); other cases are accompanied only by an inline reference to a secondary source.
  • If a case is cited in multiple footnotes, the first one should be a full cite, but the remaining cites should be abbreviated. Thus, current footnote #8 should say "Benson, 146 U.S. at 336." — and current footnote #22 should read "Hovey, 167 U.S. at 444–445."
  • If possible, it would be nice to include a summary description of the oral arguments and the attorneys who presented same. See the comments along these lines in the FAC for my own current candidate article, Afroyim v. Rusk.
  • The word amongst should probably be changed to among wherever it appears, in order to conform more closely to common American usage.
  • Numerous other small proofreading issues throughout the article.

These are little things, but when we're considering making something a Featured Article, I believe it's appropriate to be somewhat picky. — Richwales 04:55, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Hey Rich. I've fixed a few of the issues you pointed out. Two things though. First, I'm not entirely sure what you mean by using USSC template. Do you mean using the full citation for a case in US reports like Washington v. Texas, 388 U.S. 14 (1967) the first time a case is mentioned? If yes, that's easily something I can do. Second, re: oral arguments, I haven't been able to find any articles analyzing what the arguments and/or discussing them. I'm afraid If I try to go through the transcript and make comments on it, it would be very close to (if not entirely) OR.
Thanks again for your comments, Lord Roem (talk) 21:20, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
By "using the 'ussc' template", I mean using inline cites like this one (quoted from Afroyim v. Rusk) on the first mention of any case:
In 1857, the Supreme Court held in ''[[Dred Scott v. Sandford]]''<ref>''Dred Scott v. Sandford'', {{ussc|60|393|1857}}.</ref> that ....
Regarding oral arguments, I understand there might not be any commentary on these in secondary sources, but you need(ed) to at least look. At the very least, maybe you can mention the date on which oral arguments were held, and who the lawyers were who argued the case, and who wrote the briefs (if different from the lawyers who did the oral arguments; probably not necessary to list everyone who was "on the briefs"). — Richwales 22:03, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Ah! I can certainly put those cites in. As for oral arguments, I can can certainly find the lawyers who argued the case. I have checked for oral argument coverage, but I have no problem seeing if LexusNexus does any better. -- Lord Roem (talk) 22:07, 18 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
USSC template added. As for oral arguments, there's no books written on the the case (outside of a law review article on the decision), unlike Afroyim. I found the names of the attorneys who argued the case, but not much beyond that. I found potentially one NYTimes article from the day of the arguments, but it's trapped behind a paywall. :-/ Lord Roem (talk) 00:31, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Can you give me a cite to this New York Times story? I might be able to get it for you. — Richwales 01:08, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
My search on this page leads me to believe this or this could be an article about the oral arguments of the previous day. Lord Roem (talk) 01:26, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Using ProQuest, I found two extremely short "U.S. Supreme Court" articles (for March 16 and 17, 1967), which include "649—Jackie Washington, petr., v. Texas" in lists of oral arguments held on March 15 and 16, respectively. "Petr." is clearly "petitioner", and I assume "649" is a docket number. No details at all about the cases. Sorry. — Richwales 01:54, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

To be honest, m'lord, what I'd be most interested in seeing at this point is a careful proofreading of the text for things like punctuation and capitalization (I don't remember any spelling mistakes at the moment, but check for those too). It sounds to me like you've done your due diligence as far as trying to find more info about the background of the decision. Try cleaning up the prose you've already got. Let me know if you really need help with proofreading, but it's "your" article right now and you deserve the opportunity to work on it. — Richwales 02:05, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Done. I found one such error after putting the text through a word processor. Lord Roem (talk) 20:21, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Here's some more comments

History
  • "While Reid was overruled on different grounds," Mentioning this without saying when is confusing.
  • "the scope of that amendment's Due Process Clause.[12] This Clause says that " Why is clause capped when by itself but amendment isn't?
  • "The Court of Criminal Appeals, which reasoned that the compulsory process clause " Problem here.
Opinion
  • "This broad right was necessary to detail thoroughly, he wrote, because ignoring the weight of the issue would risk making the right to compel witnesses futile." I read it over carefully, and twice, and I still don't understand what you're talking about here.
Subsequent developments
  • " an asserted government interest in deporting illegal aliens" I don't understand why the "asserted". Does it have anything to do with the ongoing dispute about the status of illegal aliens in the US?
  • " a series of deliberate "discovery violations" at trial led the trial judge to block attempts at postponing proceedings to allow an undisclosed defense witness the chance to testify mid-trial." First, is the quote "discovery violations" really worth it? Better to avoid a quote, and pipe to discovery (law). Additionally, this sentence doesn't make sense to me. I realize it's hard to sum up a complex legal and factual pattern in a phrase, but this needs improvement.
Analysis
  • This section seems just a list of descriptions of law review articles. I think the prose could be improved, so that there's some cohesion to the section. At least say inline when the articles came out, it's hard to judge these articles without knowing when were issued.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:50, 20 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support Work seems generally good. The only thing is, these Supreme Court case articles seem to follow a wikiproject guideline, or some such, but if someone will tell me where to go (my talk is fine) I want to propose that there be more context as to public and press/law review reaction at the time. I feel it is helpful in placing the cases in context.--Wehwalt (talk) 21:51, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The talk page for the WikiProject can be found at WT:SCOTUS. Just remember that the amount and quality of material you are asking for may not always be available. Not every US Supreme Court case makes an immediate, major impression on the press, the public, or the legal community. Obviously, if this sort of stuff can be found, serious consideration should be made to including it in the article in order to place the case in a wider context. But the scarcity of such material in a Featured Article candidate does not necessarily mean not enough research has been done — it may simply mean that material documenting this sort of reaction does not exist (even in spite of search efforts using services like LexisNexis or ProQuest). — Richwales (no relation to Jimbo) 22:17, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support. The article seems very well written to me, covering all the necessary points in a clear manner. I just finished doing some copyediting and small additions, and assuming the sources all say what they are represented as saying, I think the article is ready now. — Richwales (no relation to Jimbo) 04:59, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Review by SandyGeorgia

[edit]

Oppose on prose, 1a, jargon (lead is indecipherable), and minor MOS issues:

These are trivialities that should be cleaned up in FAs; I haven't read the article yet. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:58, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Reading through the lead:

  • the first problem I hit (as a layperson) is the "compulsory" issue. This is not adequately defined for a general audience, and I'm forced to backtrack through the lead to try to decipher what is meant in earlier sentences. When the article says in the second paragraph:

    The Supreme Court reasoned that the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment required compulsory process as implicit in the meaning of "due process".

    I'm left not knowing what is the legal meaning of "compulsory" here. So, I backtrack to the first paragraph, trying to figure out what is "compulsory" about "guaranteeing the right of a criminal defendant to call witnesses". Then I have to go look up Compulsory Process Clause to try to figure out what the connection is. Without clicking on that article, I am unable to discern what "guaranteeing the right ... to call witnesses" has to do with "required compulsory process as implicit in the meaning of 'due process'. " The lead needs to be more digestible to a layperson. We need to know exactly what is compulsary, and we need to know that without clicking on a link. You shouldn't assume knowledge that isn't there, or explained on the page, and the parenthetical about the Compulsary Clause isn't doing it. Just tell the reader who is compelled to do what.
  • The same thing happens with the link to "incorporation of The Bill of Rights". A laywer may understand what is meant here, but the lead needs to be digestible to all of us. Without clicking on the link, I have no idea what the final sentence of the second para means. Do not oblige readers to click on a link, particularly in the lead.
  • Then I get to "The decision in Washington saw the continued application of Sixth Amendment trial guarantees against the states" and I have no idea what the "continued" is about.
  • Then, "Aside from the right to trial by a jury, which was incorporated against the states in 1968, ... " you attorneys know something we layfolk don't know here, but why is "right to trial" "against" states? This is the lead; it needs to be very digestible. A layperson only thinks in terms of "everyone has the right to trial".
  • Most of the third para of the lead is one sentence, so adding to the above, by the time I get through it, I'm lost. Without clicking on another article, what does it mean that the Vicinage clause is "not incorporated"?
  • And, so by the time I sort through all of that, and the lengthy unexplained clauses, I finally determine there is a grammatical error in the lead:
    Aside from the right to trial by a jury ... the right to compulsory process was the last of the Sixth Amendment rights to held to apply to the states.
    And repetitive prose ... right, right, right by the time we eliminate all the clauses in the middle.

I hope the article gets better than the lead, but please make the lead decipherable to a non-attorney.

SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:25, 23 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Sandy, thanks for the review! I've made some significant changes to the lead to make it more readable; please tell me what you think. Best, Lord Roem (talk) 04:29, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I see that Lord Roem removed the word "certiorari" from the article — but I thought it might be worth mentioning that this word is normally not italicized in legal writing (even though it is a Latin word). — Richwales (no relation to Jimbo) 06:29, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'll get back to this tomorrow, but you don't have to remove words for me :) I just wondered if it should be italicized! SandyGeorgia (Talk) 06:41, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
OK, the first two paragraphs of the lead are more digestible to me (non-lawyer) now, but I fear I've made you move too far in the wrong direction :) This sentence:
  • In this way, it was necessary for a defendant's "due process" rights, the right to have fair proceedings, which is a rule that applies to the states.
feels "dumbed down". And it's just ... muddled. It still needs to be better merged with the preceding sentence. I'll offer a suggestion, but what do I know-- please do it your own way:
  • The Supreme Court reasoned that the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment made the right to be able to compel defense witnesses to testify necessary for a defendant's "due process" rights to fair proceedings, which applies to the states.
Is that what is meant?
Yes! Exactly. -- Lord Roem (talk) 21:55, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
On this, see my earlier comments at the other FAC (which Rich moved to talk) about gender neutral language ... you don't have to use "his":
  • could be balanced against a defendant's right to present his witnesses ...
That one has an easy fix (just remove the "his" and it says the same thing), but please review throughout.
The third paragraph of the lead has been entirely replace now, and without reading the article, it's more confusing than the paragraph before. I really don't know what it's saying at all.
  • The impact of Washington was narrowed by a later case, Taylor v. Illinois (1988), in which the Court said that "countervailing public interests" (the rest of the paragraph doesn't explain to me what these "countervailing interests" are) could be balanced against a defendant's right to present his witnesses.
  • In the (Taylor trial?) a defense attorney's deliberate failure to disclose evidence (is that the "countervailing public interest"? If so, I have to work to figure that out) to prosecutors (insert "had" here, because you're referring back to the original trial?) resulted in other defense witnesses being blocked from testifying. So, they should have been allowed to testify, so what was "narrowed" by the ruling?
  • Legal scholars have seen this (what? the narrowing? But I haven't figured out yet what was narrowed) as a change to relying on "efficient justice", a more limited vision of trial rights than the "right to present a defense" created in Washington. Now completely lost ... what is more efficient about what here ... something happened with a deliberate failure to disclose evidence that kept witnesses out who should have been able to testify ... that's as far as I'm understanding.
SandyGeorgia (Talk) 13:46, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I've worked through instances of gendered language. If you see any I missed, please feel free to point it out. I've also worked on clarifying the changes to the third paragraph in the lead. Lord Roem (talk) 21:55, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
OK, striking my oppose because the lead is now comprehensible to a layperson, but I haven't read any further or done any further review (can you all take extra care with legal leads in the future? That's pretty much all a non-lawyer may read, and they need to be crystal clear for the non-attorneys). SandyGeorgia (Talk) 00:47, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments –

  • "but was blocked by Texas courts because Texas law prevented co-defendants from testifying for each other, under the theory that co-defendants would be more likely to lie for each other on the stand." Two redundancies in this sentence: Texas and "co-defendants". For variety, the second use of Texas could be "state law" instead, while the second "co-defendants" could be made into "they", as it's obvious who this refers to.
  • Ratification of the Sixth Amendment: "to avoid either defendant from being convicted" sounds a bit awkward. I think replacing "avoid" with "prevent" would be a sufficient fix.
  • Harlan's concurrence: "he argued instead instead that the State's...". Repeated word in there.
  • <s.There appear to be excessive italics in reference 61, in comparison to the rest of the refs. I don't know much about law article citations, but imagine that they should be consistent for a given page. Giants2008 (Talk) 02:39, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Source spotcheck -- randomly checking four citations for accuracy and avoidance of close paraphrasing, I saw no issues with nos. 28, 34 and 62, but I couldn't find the quote "absurdity of the rule" for no. 48 on the page indicated (or elsewhere in the source for that matter, when I ran a search on the phrase). Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 15:54, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 16:01, 3 January 2013 [47].

Danie Mellor

[edit]
Nominator(s): hamiltonstone (talk) 23:11, 8 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Introducing Danie Mellor: a red-headed, fair-skinned, university educated Indigenous Australian artist, whose mixed heritage and identity highlight how contemporary Indigenous Australian art is rooted not in skin colour, geography, or even in socio-economic marginalisation, but is grounded in the exploration of identity and in the communication of Indigenous culture and experience. Plus he makes sculptures using artificial eyeballs and dead animal parts. What's not to like? hamiltonstone (talk) 23:11, 8 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done

  • FN13: page formatting
  • done.
  • FN10: caps
  • done.
  • FN21, 31, 38, 39: page?
  • IIRC I aaccessed these through a database that did not store page numbers, so I don't have them. Will see if there's anything I can do...
Sorted. hamiltonstone (talk) 12:48, 13 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Single pages should be notated using "p.", multiple with "pp."
  • done.
  • FN37: why specify "undated" here but not elsewhere?
  • no good reason. removed.
  • FN41: formatting
  • There was a stray character, but in other respects I think this formatting is correct, in that "nreta museums > exhibitions > natsiaa >" is the title of the work (that is, it is the general area of the website within which this particular work is located). I'm open to other suggestions on how to address this.
  • West Australian or The West Australian? Sydney Morning Herald or The Sydney Morning Herald?
  • Actually, they turned out to be the tip of the iceberg of my dodgy publication titles. Hope i've now caught all of these.

Support Comments Drive by Jimfbleak - talk to me? 19:58, 15 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • I can see why Aboriginal, despite being just an a adjective, might be capitalised in an Australian context. Why is "indigenous", another adjective, also capitalised?
  • What does "highly commented" mean? I assume it's a typo for "highly commended"?
  • Genuine stuff up. Fixed.
  • What on earth is Cyanthea cooperi? I suspect it's another typo for Cyathea cooperi, gives little incentive to read beyond the lead.
  • I suspect you are correct, however the source archived here, which was the official exhibition document, uses the spelling that I have used in the article. I can't rule out the possibility that the artist wanted it spelt that way for some reason.
  • OK, I can forgive one typo (: Nevertheless, the painting title is wrong. Search Google for "Danie Mellor cyanthea cooperi" (ie incorrect spelling) and you get "Showing results for Danie Mellor Cyathea cooperi" with a list of reputable sites. Force the search for your spelling and you get er... mainly your article and clones thereof. Also see the NGA collection. I can seen why this arose, people expect an "n" after "cya-", a bit like the common mispelling of barbecue with a "q". Your suggestion that the artist deliberately misspelled is implausible and OR unless you can support it. You could contact his agent if you're still unconvinced. I'll do a proper review later. Jimfbleak - talk to me? 08:23, 16 November 2012 (UTC):[reply]
  • Fair point, and I've identified another official source with correct spelling, in my own collection. Changed.
  • I think it would be nice to have a mention and link to the plant (Cyathea cooperi), the binomial won't mean much to most people.
  • Done. You will see i didn't link the binomial directly, as I did not want people to think it would take them to an article about the picture carrying that title.
  • printmaking, drawing, painting, and sculpture. — As a Brit, I'd omit the last comma, although I know it's standard in AE. Is OzE practice the same as AE?
  • I think there was going to be another word there, and then there wasn't. Removed.
  • Mellor lived in Mackay, Scotland, Brisbane, Sutton Grange — "Scotland" is a bit vague, to say the least
  • I know, but it's all that I've found so far.
  • a painter's model — in BE, "artist's model" would be more usual and would remove a repetition, don't know about Oz (despite having seen Sirens)
  • Indeed. Changed.
  • These works have included the work — falls some way short of "engaging prose"
  • Putting it mildly. Changed.
  • Done.
  • mixed-media tree overhead.[6][21][22][21] — notice anything odd about the ref numbers?
  • Yes. That I can't count. Fixed.
  • signifying how under the black armband view of history regime, the oral history accounts of Indigenous... — could you check this, if it's accurately quoted, so be it, but either "view" or "regime" seem redundant to me.
  • It is accurately quoted, but I agree that "regime" in this context is unhelpful, and I've actually replaced it with an ellipsis.
  • 26th Telstra national Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander (ref 42) — capitalisation inconsistent with previous
  • Fixed. There are some variations in the exhibition title and publisher over the years. I think most of these are legit, but will keep an eye out as I check other things.
  • The general tone seems a bit hagiographic to me. No hint of adverse criticism. What about "Bolt accused artist Danie Mellor, a ‘white university lecturer, with his nice Canberra studio’ of pushing aside ‘real draw-in-the-dirt Aboriginal artists’, seeming to imply that since Mellor neither draws in the dirt nor lives in it, he therefore has no right to enter competitions for indigenous artists." from here I don't know if this source is RS, but it refers to a court case, so it should be verifiable. Also things like this. I get little sense of the controversy about his "blackness" from your article
  • I had overlooked the fact that Mellor was one of the infamous Mr Bolt's targets. Bolt's views are tricky as they are widely published but, amongst professionals and academics, definitely fringe. He also lost a court case over his comments about 'light skinned' Aboriginal people, in part because the court found his facts to be wrong in important respects, and his checking of them to be sadly lacking. The first note in the article is intended to deal with general queries about Aboriginality, and was text that I developed after questions were raised at the talk page of Bronwyn Bancroft. I can see that may not deal sufficiently with Bolt's prominent accusation against Mellor, though the point it makes rebuts Bolt's main complaint. Bolt also is not a reliable source with respect to art. But I'm going to ponder this some more. hamiltonstone (talk) 11:06, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I assumed you would avoid the direct link to the tree fern, and your solution works well. I'll leave the Bolt issue with you, and trust your judgement. Although we had a bit of a rocky start, I enjoyed this article, and I've indicated my support above. Good luck, Jimfbleak - talk to me? 13:08, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments, leaning support: Another interesting article on a subject where everything I know comes from this author! A few little nit-picks, but nothing major. I think we get a good picture of him here. Happy to support when these points are replied to. Sarastro1 (talk) 21:05, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • "He works in different media including printmaking, drawing, painting, and sculpture. The dominant theme in Mellor's art is the relationship between Indigenous and non-Indigenous Australian cultures. Paintings, drawings and sculptures by Mellor ": Minor point, but there is repetition here of painting, drawing and sculpture; given the length of the phrase, it is slightly jarring, even across a paragraph break. Also, why does the first instance have a comma before "and" when the second does not.
  • Done.
  • "in 2000, 2001, and every year from 2003 to 2010": Is there a less cumbersome way to phrase this: it effectively means every year except 2002, and I wonder could this be said using less years.
  • Revised.
  • "was awarded a 'highly commended'": Any particular reason for single quotation marks?
  • No. :-)
  • "he was awarded a 'highly commended', for his print Cyathea cooperi, while in 2009 he won the principal prize": Not sure about "while" in this sense. Maybe just "and" would be better.
  • Done.
  • "Other major exhibitions have included the Primavera 2005 show at the Museum of Contemporary Art, Sydney, and the National Indigenous Art Triennial at the National Gallery of Australia in 2007.": Worth beginning this sentence with "his"?
  • Done.
  • Do we know why the family moved around so much? It is a little jarring when they suddenly have lived in Scotland with no reason given!
  • I have the vaguest of memories that they were teachers, but that doesn't explain it and no, don't remember any account for this.
  • Anything else about his immediate family? We learn that his mother taught him, but nothing else.
  • No, nothing. Just that stuff about his more distant ancestry.
  • "He was included in Primavera 2005…": As the start of a paragraph, this really should begin "Mellor…"
  • Rewrote, to avoid beginning yet another para with "Mellor".
  • "with the elaborate (and elaborately named) sculpture…": Editorial judgement?
  • That the sculpture is "elaborate" is per sources; that the name is elaborate, well yes, but can't imagine it being contradicted, and was trying to use engaging prose to foreshadow that what was to follow was not some bizarre formatting error.
  • My only other complaint is that parts of the article become slightly list, with names of works and dates, but I suspect there is no real way around this, so feel free to ignore.
  • There's quite a bit on the themes of his work, but maybe less on his technique. Some of this section is, while interesting, a little abstract. From a non-artist viewpoint, it may be nice to know what sort of things he actually does! Rather than giving specific examples from his work, is there anything generic that can be added on his style?
  • Also in this section, are there any critics who simply say "he is bloody good"? Or even the opposite? Everything so far is (I think) either on a specific work/exhibition. Perhaps just a little overall judgement or summary of how he is rated as an artist. But I understand that this may not be possible.
  • Look, both your preceding points are good ones, but it is a bit of a struggle. Part of the problem is that, as an artist still relatively early in his career, there haven't been any broad-brush overviews or retrospectives of his career. The second iss ue I think might be because of the diverse media he works with. I suspect reviewers may choose not to generalise across mezzotint / drawing / assembled objects sculpture / metalwork sculpture. So, although we have the overall theme of cultural interaction / history, there's not a lot more concrete to offer. The most likely source (and one I've not in fact used), is the one-page essay on Mellor in the 2007 "Culture Warriors" catalogue, but apart from drawing attention to Mellor's frequent portrayal of kangaroos (which hardly seems germane), it didn't really add anything to what's already here. hamiltonstone (talk) 03:25, 25 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • On the last pt, I rationalised a couple of cases, such as where it would be self-evident which source was responsible for which fact. The one such note I want left exactly where it is is "notes 1" in the lede, following my experience with Bronwyn Bancroft at TFA, where the talk page attracted all sorts of people asking questions about how come she's an Aboriginal artist when her skin isn't black / she had a white ancestor / blah blah. hamiltonstone (talk) 03:15, 25 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support: My education in Indigenous Australian art continues! Another great little article, and I'm more than happy with the changes and responses above. Sarastro1 (talk) 21:45, 25 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments – Only found a couple of minor nit-picks to report; otherwise this is in very good shape

  • ANU is abbreviated in Artistic career, but not in the lead or in its first body use in Life. It's not likely that this particular abbreviation will cause any confusion, but I'd still feel better if the abbreviation could be worked in somewhere in parentheses; doing it in the lead should be enough.
  • The "These works have included..." sentence comes after a sentence on a 2003 work, so the logical order seems off. To maintain the chronological order that seems to be desired, you could try starting it with "His other works have included..." or similar. Giants2008 (Talk) 03:23, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate note -- Almost there, but we could reduce the sea of blue in the first paragraph, and elsewhere; countries don't generally need to be linked, and I think most of the readers would get drawing, painting and sculpture without pointers (maybe not printmaking, I grant you). In the first para under Life, I wouldn't equate Cape Town with Sutton Grange, i.e. "in South Africa" seems redundant. Lastly, best to avoid starting sentences with "However" if possible... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 03:01, 21 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Not involved, but I think that it's appropriate to link Scotland in the "Life" section, as it's among cities. There could very well be a town named Scotland, so it helps add clarity by linking to the article. I think I've reduced the link clutter enough. Everything seems fine to me. ceranthor 01:33, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, tks for stopping by. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 09:09, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
thank you both for your assistance! hamiltonstone (talk) 12:01, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment From a first read through, the interesting bits seemed buried in lists of student prizes, later competitions and so on. He did this and then he did that. I'd be in favour of trimming the article, which might make it short, but a better and more focused read. I think you have the guts of an FA; the research and writing are commendable, but its not quite there yet. Can I make suggestions?Ceoil (talk) 18:28, 22 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Cryptic C62:

  • The first sentence should include a pronunciation guide for the subject's name, if available.
  • The first paragraph of the lead can't seem to decide whether or not to use "the" when introducing a school.
  • "Art works by Mellor have been included in National Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander Art Award exhibitions every year from 2000 to 2010, except 2002" This level of factoid detail is not necessary in the lead, and it leaves the reader wondering "What about 2011 and 2012?". I suggest something like "Since 2000, Mellor's works have been included in several National Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander Art Award exhibitions."
  • "The family was peripatetic" What does this word mean? A wikilink or wiktionary link would be helpful.
  • "in high school he was taught art by his mother." Was his mother a high school art teacher? Or did she just teach him art while he happened to be in high school?
  • Well, she could be an artist herself who taught her son outside of school. If she was an art teacher at a high school, there is still some ambiguity as to where this happened, considering he lived in more places as a youngster than he had toes. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 04:58, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I had thought that "in" high school would be taken literally: to mean the teaching took place in the high school building, and therefore she was a teacher. The words in the source are (Mellor responding to an interviewer): "my mother (she taught me art at high school)...". Any alternate suggestions? hamiltonstone (talk) 22:30, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "there are comparable elements and themes inherent in his philosophical narrative..." Who does "his" refer to? Steiner or Mellor?
  • "Mellor worked as an artist's model as well as a painter:" It's not clear to me why this belongs in Life and not Career. Perhaps "painters" means "house painter" or some similarly non-artistic endeavor? Also, try to avoid one-sentence paragraphs such as this one.
  • Your doubts may be a consequence of a recent edit I have reverted. He did not "work" as a model (at least, the sources do not say so). Rather, Paul Ryan wanted Mellor to sit for him. Subjects for the archibald portraits are often well-known people and I doubt any of them are "working" as models, but are being asked to sit as a subject of interest to the painter. Thus it was related to Mellor's life more than his professional career (I thought). If you're still not convinced, let me know. I always avoid one-sentence paras where possible. In this case, i thought it sat nicely on its own and was unrelated to other subject matter. If you have an alternate formulation you think is better, happy to see it revised. hamiltonstone (talk) 10:02, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Were there any other notable instances of Mellor modelling for painters? If so, they could be added to this paragraph to beef it up. If not, that may be an indication that the matter need not be mentioned at all. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 04:58, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hrm. Upon rereading your earlier comment, it seems as though the only reason that Paul Ryan wanted to paint Mellor was because of his own artistic successes, yes? If that's the case, then I believe it would be appropriate to lump this sentence into the chronologically appropriate place in Career. No, it wasn't "work", but if he was asked to model as a result of his career, I think it makes sense to put it there. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 22:50, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "while a studying in Canberra and Birmingham" Jar Jar Binks, is that you? This should presumably read "while studying in" or "while a student at".
  • "with the elaborate (and elaborately named) sculpture" Funny, but not encyclopedic. On a related note, I suggest cutting out the parenthetical parts of the names of his works. They pad out the prose in a way that makes it more difficult to follow what is being said.
  • I'm not seeing why this is not encyclopedic. It is accurate, and designed to keep the prose interesting - an issue (see reviewer comment above) in this slightly list-y article. hamiltonstone (talk) 09:48, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sorry, didn't respond to your other point. Although parenthetical, they are parts of the full title of the work. I think it would unusual and unwise in an encyclopedia article to not refer even once to the work's full title. This is particularly relevant as the artist appears to be using the titles as part of the work (i don't have a reference for that specific to Mellor; it is more a comment about how art work titles conferred by the artist him or herself are generally regarded). I agree it reduces readability, I just don't agree that something should be changed as a result. hamiltonstone (talk) 10:19, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He has harnessed a wide range of media during his career" I don't think that "harnessed" is the right word here, as its intended meaning is not clear to me. Perhaps "mastered" or "employed"?
  • I looked up the definition of "harness", which Merriam-Webster gives as "to put into action or service". This is clearly the correct usage of the term, and I am clearly an uneducated wombat disguised as an editor. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 04:58, 27 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I am of the opinion that the last paragraph of Technique and Themes should be split into a separate section. Dopey white folks babbling about Mellor's race is not in any way relevant to his technique.
  • Not sure. The para beings and ends by talking about identity issues as matters of the theme of Mellor's work, and discusses the Bolt incident in that context. I also don't want to give it the prominence that inevitably comes with having its own subeading. Any further thoughts? hamiltonstone (talk) 10:22, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I agree that giving it a main heading would be a bit too much. This is a tricky problem to deal with, as the paragraph is relevant to his life, career, and themes; the question is which of those does it most directly relate to? I would argue that Career would be most appropriate for the following reason: Career is about the artist, while Technique and themes is about the art, and it is the artist's identity that is being questioned by the critics. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 22:50, 31 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

-- Cryptic C62 · Talk 22:16, 24 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. Working on it. hamiltonstone (talk) 09:48, 25 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Image review -- We seem to have neglected this till now but both images appear suitably licensed. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 08:16, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Closing note -- Even allowing for the Xmas/NY slowdown I think this nom has remained open long enough and all comments have been acknowledged; I'll therefore be promoting and if anything further needs to be discussed/resolved, e.g. Crypric's final point above, then it can happen via the article talk page. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 08:16, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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