Jump to content

Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Archived nominations/November 2024

Add links
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 19 November 2024 [1].

Yoshi's New Island

[edit]
Nominator(s): ★ The Green Star Collector ★ (talk) 19:08, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Yoshi's New Island is a 2014 platform video game developed by Arzest and published by Nintendo for the Nintendo 3DS, essentially serving as a direct sequel to the events of Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island. This is my third FA nomination and my first one for a game not in the Mario Party series. To my knowledge, this would be the first article for a Yoshi game to reach FA status.

I would say the "Development and release" section is the best one I've worked on yet, due largely in part to sources suggested by Captain Galaxy. This article was previously promoted to GA status following a much-appreciated review from Cukie Gherkin. Most of my edits since then have actually been removing redundant or less helpful citations from the gameplay section to make it easier to read. I was recently able to archive a source that had not been archived prior to the Wayback Machine shutdown. As always, feedback is welcomed. ★ The Green Star Collector ★ (talk) 19:08, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I agree somewhat with this being featured only with a bit of work. Overall, this should be featured Thelifeofan413 (talk) 09:57, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Thelifeofan413: Do you have any specific suggestions for what work could be done, or do you generally agree with the feedback provided below? ★ The Green Star Collector ★ (talk) 14:03, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I feel that there could be a legacy section as I have seen that in other similar featured articles. Thelifeofan413 (talk) 19:28, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
A legacy section might be better suited if the game were more high-profile, or if there was important information that otherwise wouldn't fit into the reception section, like how the legacy section for Mario Party DS discusses the anti-piracy hoax. How would you feel about a paragraph at the end of the "Critical response" section that evaluates the game's general standing in critic rankings of Yoshi games? ★ The Green Star Collector ★ (talk) 19:50, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I feel that it may be how it was affected by the following of the series. It could also be used to how it affected the story of the Yoshi franchise. Thelifeofan413 (talk) 21:03, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Thelifeofan413: Could you take a look at the last paragraph in the "Critical response" section to see if it's something like what you had in mind? ★ The Green Star Collector ★ (talk) 16:42, 14 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Somewhat but I could maybe work on it to show you what I mean. Thelifeofan413 (talk) 14:06, 16 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Cukie Gherkin

[edit]

Reserving in case I have the time to review. - Cukie Gherkin (talk) 19:17, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Since I'm more like, in tune with games and stuff, I'll try to offer comments on how to make the article more legible to non-gamers. - Cukie Gherkin (talk) 23:52, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  1. My understanding is that the review template should only have 10 review examples. - Cukie Gherkin (talk) 08:25, 13 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I will at least do this much. - Cukie Gherkin (talk) 19:22, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Also, I'll try to get the sourcing done, but I cannot promise I can do a full review of the article in terms of its quality due to sudden life complications. - Cukie Gherkin (talk) 08:07, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Source review

Creating a collapsible list of sources that I have examined and, either already or through the action of the nominator, are formatted correctly and are accurately cited.

List
  1. [2] - Working on this. Not related to this source specifically, but "Each boss is defeated in three hits." feels like it can be adequately supported by this source.
  2. [3] - "The fourth level of each world is a castle course that ends with a battle against the evil wizard Kamek," - This seems like it should be adequately cited without using this.
  3. "Losing a life with the Flutter Wings unlocks a golden variant of the power-up, which provides both flight and invincibility." This uses three citations, but I'm not sure what the other two cover that the Nintendo World Report citation does not.
  4. That the minigames cannot be played online is not cited in the two sources attached; I think this part can be removed. I believe that this source can be removed from this line of text as well, as it doesn't seem to verify anything that the other source doesn't.
  5. "allowing several people with the system to play together using only one game cartridge." - I think it would be appropriate to replace this source with a source explaining what Download Play on 3DS is and how it works.
  6. "Yoshi's New Island was developed by Arzest," this has three sources attached, but this seems like a statement that could be supported with only one.
  7. [4] - Given that this is only used in the infobox and not later in the article, I would remove this citation and use the citation mentioned later.
Cut citations where needed and added a GameSpot reference mentioning that Download Play works by transferring data directly between consoles. I'm not sure which citation mentioned later you were referring to, though I feel that it should be sufficiently supported as is. I haven't seen anything in MOS/VG or Template:Video game reviews about a limit on reviews in the table, though I've narrowed it down to 10 publications. ★ The Green Star Collector ★ (talk) 15:17, 13 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  1. I noticed that this source is used as a source, even though there's a source verifying it (the Nintendo World Report source). I also noticed that on multiple release dates you double up on the sourcing; is that to further solidify the correctness of the release date?
  2. [5] - Mostly fine, except I noticed that the article claims the wheel is the goal of most levels, but the Siliconera article says each level. I'm assuming that the most levels qualifier is to acknowledge castle levels?
Somehow didn't even notice that the Japanese release date is already supported by Nintendo World Report. I've removed the primary reference. And you're entirely correct with castle levels being the only levels without the ring for the goal, which the article unfortunately fails to mention. ★ The Green Star Collector ★ (talk) 22:17, 14 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

File:Yoshinewislandboxart3ds.jpg - Sufficiently low res, description is accurate. Should state that it is not the whole image, as it is a cropped image. Image does not match the image used in this source, should change source to this: [6]
File:Yoshi's New Island - Mega Eggdozer gameplay.jpg - Sufficiently low res, source is accurately stated showing the context of its use. I would recommend using a stronger rationale, including exactly why the screenshot is necessary for the reader to understand. Ie, you could mention UI elements being depicted, the graphics, the gameplay, etc.
I've clarified that certain elements of the first image were cropped out and corrected its source. I've also strengthened the rationale for the second image, mainly by noting UI elements that are not mentioned elsewhere in the article. ★ The Green Star Collector ★ (talk) 03:25, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

SC

[edit]
  • This looks like it's been citation bombed to within an inch of its life, making it difficult to read. Can I strongly recommend you consider both rationalising and bundling them so there are no more than two or three at any point. (For example: Does "All of Yoshi's transformations are controlled with the console's gyroscope" need five citations to support the information? Without checking the sources, I would guess that one of those five would probably suffice.)
  • I'm opposing based on reading just the Gameplay section. This needs a re-write so it makes sense to people who have never played the game, or even heard of it. Even after reading it, I still have no idea what a "yoshi" is, nor what or who a "Baby Mario" is. Ditto for a "Kamek". Some of the terminology is equally incomprehensible: "30 Yoshi Medals are collected from a goul roulette" is gibberish without any context and I have no idea what "a mid-boss" is supposed to be. Even having read that section, I still don't understand what the point of the game is: does it have an end that people can reach and "win" the game? There doesn't seem to be any description of the overall game (which is what the section should open with): it's straight into detail without context. This seems to be a common problem with video game articles, where it's written from the point of view of gamers and insiders, which excludes a large percentage of readers, who are left confused. - SchroCat (talk) 19:27, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    Asking generally, but would terminology such as "mid-boss" be more comprehensible if mid-boss linked to this? - Cukie Gherkin (talk) 20:39, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The MoS says - MOS:NOFORCELINK - "Do use a link wherever appropriate, but as far as possible do not force a reader to use that link to understand the sentence. The text needs to make sense to readers who cannot follow links." So, if it is necessary to understand something to understand what is more generally being communicated then that something needs explaining in line. After all, we're an encyclopedia, explaining things to people who don't understand them is what we do. Sending a reader off to a link to read another article to come back to yours, possibly in mid-sentence, doesn't really cut it. Gog the Mild (talk) 23:31, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I see. I will keep that in mind for any game articles I bring to FAC then. - Cukie Gherkin (talk) 23:37, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Ditto. I'll simply rephrase some parts of the section to make it easier for readers with a lack of knowledge of video game terminology to understand. ★ The Green Star Collector ★ (talk) 23:52, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@SchroCat: Would you mind taking another look at the gameplay section? I've kept most of the information the same, but restructured it in a way that should make the actual goal of the game clearer and the terminology less confusing to all readers. I've also cut a good number of citations from both that section and the plot section. ★ The Green Star Collector ★ (talk) 16:58, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • At the moment my oppose still stands. Partly it's still the same issue of requiring too much pre-existing knowledge to understand this, partly quality of prose and partly, still, the excessive citations. One example of the citations is in the first para of the body. I looked at the phrase "enhanced and enlarged by Kamek's magic". This six-word phrase apparently requires four citations ([13][14][15][16]), but only one of which (no 15) supports the information. One of the citations doesn't even mention Kamek and the others don't support it at all. Why are the other three citations there at all? I'm going to repeat WP:CITEBUNDLE to you, as the sheer number of citations makes this an uncomfortable read. Combines with the unwelcoming aspects of the prose, I gave up reading before I got to the end of the Gameplay section.
    Skimming down the article, I see the review section is full of OR/SYNTH. By that I mean that if you look at—just by way of example—the phrase "The game's soundtrack was widely panned by critics", I see four citations: [7][9][17][25]. Ignoring the unencyclopaedic term "panned", none of these citations actually support that the music was widely panned. They are four examples of reviewers criticising the music, which is not enough to support the text. In order to say "The game's soundtrack was widely panned by critics", you need something that says that, not your OR in picking four reviews that and you coming to the conclusion that it was "widely panned". The whole section is rife with this and with the format of "[Reviewer] of [Publication] said..."; it is, unfortunately, a million miles away from FA standard.
    Sorry this all sounds very harsh and negative, but I really do think you should consider withdrawing this nom and working on the issues before going to a peer review. When you do, I strongly suggest you ask some non-gaming people to review it to see if it is entirely clear to them what the game is all about. - SchroCat (talk) 08:13, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    @SchroCat For what it's worth I neither write nor read video game articles, and have no comment on your other criticisms, but as to to criticism about OR, isn't that just how reception sections are written? Looking through the list of video game featured content, literally every article I picked is written like this. Looking at a lot of other media type articles (books, movies, TV shows) this is common there as well, but slightly less so. I've never understood this myself, but either we should delist every single video game FA or this is not that out of line. PARAKANYAA (talk) 13:06, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    It depends on how it’s phrased. It’s fine to introduce a paragraph with a sentence that gives an overview (depends on the phrasing), but not to make a definitive sweeping statement based upon four reviews. - SchroCat (talk) 15:05, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    Would seven reviews suffice? The three citations at the end of the sentence are intended to contribute to this statement. Or would it just be better to begin the sentence with something along the lines of "Many reviewers criticized the game's soundtrack"? ★ The Green Star Collector ★ (talk) 15:44, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    I think if you got rid of widely, it would help address the issue - Cukie Gherkin (talk) 15:48, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    To reflect the source material without inferring across all reviews, "multiple reviewers mentioned X" is a fine topic sentence. Even better would be to characterize how exactly they were criticizing its soundtrack, citing the sources and/or providing quotes in the citation as evidence, then followed by individual examples of the criticism. czar 00:48, 12 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Coord note

[edit]

I was tempted to close this soon after I saw SC's withdrawal suggestion but decided to let it go and see what developed. I can't see any real progress towards consensus to promote so will be archiving it shortly. PR could be worthwhile before another try at FAC, after the usual 2-week hiatus. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 23:14, 19 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 19 November 2024 [7].

The Suicide of Rachel Foster

[edit]
Nominator(s): PanagiotisZois (talk) 23:33, 19 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about a video game that proved somewhat controversial upon its release due to tackling taboo subjects like suicide and pedophilia. A game in the vein of Firewatch and Gone Home, The Suicide of Rachel Foster is a walking simulator where players navigate the eery Shining-esque hotel owned by the player character Nicole's family. There, Nicole hopes to uncover the true nature of 16-year-old Rachel's suicide, who seemingly killed herself after the community found out about her "affair" with Nicole's father and ensuing pregnancy. Unsurprisingly, the game's depiction of pedophilia and suicide were some of the topics most-discussed by journalists. Outside of the more sensationalistic aspects, the game's setting and characters were well-received, but the story and gameplay proved less interesting to reviewers.

Image review by Nikkimaria

[edit]

Support from BP!

[edit]

I'll get back to it as soon as possible. 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 05:50, 20 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Support from Crisco

[edit]

I've had this on my backlog for ages. Will review.  — Chris Woodrich (talk) 09:40, 21 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  • the abuse between Leonard and Rachel - Implies that Rachel was also abusive of Leonard, which seems incongruous with what's been presented so far. Perhaps "Leonard's abuse of Rachel"?
  • such as child sexual abuse and suicide, to portray them with sensitivity. - Not sure the comma is correct
    • Removed.
  • Three sentences in a row start with variations of "it" in the third paragraph of the lede. Worth reshuffling?
    • Changed.
  • Nicole's attempts to do so anyway, but is unable to do so, angering her. - Do so ... do so
    • Given that this part isn't all that significant to the plot, I just removed the sentence.
  • Rachel might still be alive, collecting various clues - Is Rachel collecting clues, or is Nicole?
    • Clarified that it's Nicole collecting clues.
  • Irving is Rachel's younger brother and in their abusive household, only his sister brought him joy. - Perhaps "Irving is Rachel's younger brother, and she was the only one who brought him joy and in their abusive household."?
    • Made a few changes; hopefully for the better.
  • The game was developed by the Italian studio One-O-One Games using Unreal Engine 4 and published by Daedalic Entertainment.[6][7] The game was directed by Daniele Azara and its music was composed by Federico Landini. - Repetition
    • Changed.
  • From the beginning of the game's development, the studio wanted the narrative and gameplay to complement one another, rather than finishing the story first and then choosing an appropriate gameplay style. - Perhaps "Rather than finish the story first and then choosing an appropriate gameplay style, from the beginning of the game's development the studio wanted the narrative and gameplay to complement one another."? Feels a bit more logical in flow.
  • being set in an enclosed space to increase the claustrophobia. - The hotel itself wasn't in an enclosed space. Perhaps "being replete with enclosed spaces"?
  • the Overlook Hotel, featured in Stanley Kubrick's The Shining (1980) - Perhaps "as featured"? That better distinguishes the Overlook from the one in the novel or the television series.
  • Two "according to"s at the beginning of the Reception section
  • handling of suicide, especially regarding Nicole's suicide attempt at the end, - Worth recasting to avoid double mentions of suicide?
    • Reworked the sentence and expanded on what Bell had to say about the subject.

Overall, very tight.  — Chris Woodrich (talk) 10:08, 21 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Crisco 1492: Thank you. :) I believe I've made most of the necessary changes, though I've also changed a few things a bit, so I'm not sure if said changes also need revision.--PanagiotisZois (talk) 20:14, 22 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Source review from Aoba47 (pass)

[edit]

For clarification, I am using this version of the article for my source review. My comments are below:

  • Have you looked through to see if there was any academic coverage on this game by using tools like Google Scholar? I have found some potential sources here, but for some of them, you would need to go through the Wikipedia Library to access them: A Review of Indie Games for Serious Mental Health Game Design, Narrative Space in Videogames, and Using Indie Games to Inform Serious Mental Health Games Design. These are all conference papers so I am unsure how that works for Wikipedia, but they were published by Springer Publishing, which is a notable publishing company. It may be worthwhile to look into this type of coverage further.
    • Good idea. I'll be looking into it.
      • Take as much time as you need, and let me know if there is anything that I can do to help you with this part. Aoba47 (talk) 16:58, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        • I looked into all three sources. I went through both sources talking about Nicole's attempted suicide. Admittedly, I didn't read in-depth every thing these two chapters said, but I believe I pinpointed the most important details; as with other critics, they didn't like the ending. The third book source is about the Timberline. Although I do for the most part understand what it's trying to say, it's a bit too theoretical for my taste and focuses on something that never really interested me when analyzing texts; the geometry/geography of physical spaces. It also has A LOT to say about the Timberline, so I'm not sure how I could even consense all of that. Even the other book sources talking about Nicole's suicide still came out to almost 8 whole lines.--PanagiotisZois (talk) 19:57, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
          • Thank you for the response. I understand that it can be difficult to incorporate academic sources into a Wikipedia article. I think that the final paragraph in the "Critical response" section could be condensed. I am not sure that the serious game classification or the Actual Sunlight comparisons are particularly useful, and I believe it would be better to focus on the discussions regarding the critique that the game uses suicide for shock value. I would think this could folded into the paragraph directly above it, which already focuses on the game's handling of suicide.
            • All right, I've condensed it. I think its size is more appropriate now, and the section fits better with the paragraph about suicide.
          • The Narrative Space in Videogames article is primarily saying that the hotel is set in such a way to intentionally confuse the player and their connection to the story and characters. It might fit in the second paragraph of the "Critical response" section as that is already about the hotel, but since it is more of an analysis than a review, it may not work out that well. I will leave that up to you. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • The citations for the most part list both the website/work and the publisher, but there are some spots where only one is listed, such as Citation 6 including only the website (The Washington Post) and Citation 13 including only the website (JeuxOnline). I do not think it is necessary to include both, particularly for well known citations such as Metacritic, but it is important to be consistent.
    • I just wanted to add a reminder that this part has not been addressed yet. Aoba47 (talk) 21:36, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
      • @Aoba47: Regarding the Unreal Engine, Nintendo, Italian Video Game Awards, and DStars sources, I'm not quite sure how else to cite them. In the case of the first one, I could label "Unreal Engine" as the website and "Epic Games" as the publisher, but I'm not sure if that's right either.
        • I think that the question then becomes how useful is it to have both the website/work and publisher if they cannot be applied consistently throughout the citations. It may just be me, but I am not sure how useful it is for readers to have the publisher for citations like Bloody Disgusting or Metacritic, but I looked at recent FAs on video games, such as Islanders (video game), which has a similiar inconsistency, but was passed as a FA without issue so I think that this is just a matter of personal preference so it will no longer be an issue. Aoba47 (talk) 14:31, 25 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would be consistent on whether title case is used for the citation titles or not as there are some instances, such as Citation 30, where it is not being used.
    • Oops. This point was raised a few days ago by Boneless Pizza. I made sure to use title case everywhere, but didn't add the source for the sequel until later, and in my excitement I forgot to use the title case.
      • That is understandable. I was only made aware of the title case stuff relatively recently, and I completely understand getting caught up in the moment when you find something new. I would not have expected a sequel for this game, and I am curious on how it will turn out. Aoba47 (talk) 16:58, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Citation 9 is no longer active and currently redirects to a spam website. The archive link also leads to an error screen. I also cannot open Citation 25 as it leads to an error screen (at least for me), but the archive link does work for me.
    • Regarding Citation 9, the archive page actually works just fine for me. However, since you also mention further down that this is one source that's unreliable, I decided to remove it altogether. It's unreliability was actually raised by IceWelder during the GAN, so I kinda expected that I'd have to remove it. I guess I was just waiting for someone to say so.
    • Regarding Citation 25, on my end it actually said that it's a malicious website (probably from my antivirus program) so I removed that as well. Besides, the second source I used there already shows that Rachel Foster got nominated but lost.
  • I partially relied on the WP:VG/RS to judge the reliability and appropriateness of the sources. I am not as familiar with the non-English sources so could you please explain how/why the following would be appropriate for a FA? To be clear, I am not saying that they should be removed, but I wanted some more insight on these: L'Ambidextre, Nikoofar Music, and ProSieben Games.
    • Regarding Nikoofar Music, I explain more above why I removed it. Having checked L'Ambidextre out again, it seems to be a blog, so not all that reliable. As for ProSieben Games, I'll admit I don't really have any information about this specific site and how reliable or not it is. I do know that ProSieben itself is a news channel, and from the little I do know, ProSieben is considered reputable.
      • Thank you for addressing this for me. I agree with your rationale for the ProSieban source. I noticed that you did remove Graziano Pimpolari as the game's artist, but I think that you could cite this information directly to the game's credits, where they are listed as the art director and user interface artists. I have used credits for this kind of thing for Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Wrath of the Darkhul King without any issue, and it may be helpful to use so more key information is included in the article. Aoba47 (talk) 16:58, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • This is not part of the source review, but I would re-examine short sections, specifically the "Accolades" subsection and the "Sequel" section. The accolades could be folded into the general reception section, and until more information on the sequel comes out, I do not think a one-sentence section is necessary.
    • I can definitely place the "Accolade" subsection into the "Critical response" one and just remove both subsections. However, how could the "Sequel" section be placed somewhere else. Could we "in good faith" leave it there under the assumption more information will come out in the coming months about it?--PanagiotisZois (talk) 08:41, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
      • That's fair. As I said above, this falls outside of the scope of a source review so I will leave this up to reviewers who are looking at the prose. I can understand your perspective on it. Aoba47 (talk) 16:58, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        • It seems like the "Accolades" subsection has been put back into the article. I will not dwell on it as again, it is outside of the scope of my source review, but I just do not think that this particular structure is the best approach. Aoba47 (talk) 21:36, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

These are my comments for now. Either tomorrow or later in the week, I will do a spot check to make sure that things said in the article are supported in the citations and to make sure the information in the citation structure (i.e. authors, publication date) are accurate. I hope that this review is helpful, and please let me know if you have any questions. Best of luck with this FAC! Aoba47 (talk) 00:16, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

For clarification, I am looking at this version for this set of comments:

  • For this sentence, (Players take control of Nicole as she explores the Timberline Hotel), Citation 2 does not use the name of the hotel. This is nitpick-y as Citation 2 does talk about the family hotel, but I would add Citation 3 here as well just to support the actual hotel name.
    • Done
  • It may be helpful to include examples of the puzzles in the prose. For instance, Citation 3 lists "hunting for a screwdriver or a generator switch" as examples of the "very light environmental puzzle" in the game. Citation 18 mentions using the flash from the polaroid camera as way to navigate during a blackout. Citation 4 talks about a map feature that may be useful to bring up in the article. I am mostly just bringing some gameplay areas that could be expanded with the sources already in the article.
  • For Citation 11, I think it would be more beneficial to use the interview citation template instead.
  • I did a spot-check and the authors, publication dates, etc. match between the sources and the citations.
  • I am uncertain about using quotes from non-English sources. Examples are "central to the horror experience" and "religious population and legal framework that offered a plausible setting for the narrative of psychological horror and moral taboo [the developers] were making", which are both tied to Citation 11. However, neither are really direct quotes, and are translated versions of these quotes. I think it may be best to paraphrase in this context, and I would double-check the article for other instances of this type of quote.
    • @Aoba47: I might be wrong, but I checked the non-English sources used in this article, and none of them exist in the article with quotations. Citation 11 does come from a French website, but the article itself was actually presented in English. I think there was also a French-language version of the same interview, but the one cited here is the English-language one.
  • This is outside of the scope of a source review, but I would avoid the "with X verb-ing" sentence construction when possible as it is something that is often pointed out and discouraged in FACs. I do not have a particularly strong opinion on it, but I still thought it was worth drawing your attention to it. An example of this would be (with Nicole and Irving's relationship and voice actors also being commended) in the lead.

Thank you for your patience with my review. I believe that should be everything, but once everything has been addressed, I will double-check through everything just to make sure that I have not missed anything. I hope you are having a great week so far. Aoba47 (talk) 21:36, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for addressing everything, and apologies again for my mistake with the JeuxOnline source. Everything looks good to me in regards to the sources. They are reliable and appropriate for a potential video game FA, support the information provided in the article, and are formatted correctly. This passes my source review. I hope that this was helpful, and thank you again for your patience. Aoba47 (talk) 14:34, 25 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for taking the time to do a source review. And for going above and beyond to not do just that, but also give me suggestions on how to enlarge and improve the article's content. And also informing me that those academic sources could be accessed through the Wikipedia Library. PanagiotisZois (talk) 15:58, 25 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for the kind words. I am just glad that I could help. Aoba47 (talk) 22:25, 25 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hi Aoba47. This is the nominator's first run at FAC, so it also needs a source to text integrity check and a plagiarism check. Would you consider your sour source review to also have appropriately have covered them? Thanks. Gog the Mild (talk) 00:20, 6 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    Thank you for the ping. Apologies for not clarifying this in my above review. I am not that experienced in source reviews if I am being honest. I have done a source to text integrity check, and I did not notice any issues. I also did a plagiarism check, and for the most part, everything looks good to me, but I did find something.
    Looking through the article again, I did notice two instances in the article, ("affected by the tragedies surrounding" and "to encourage players to think critically about"), where the prose was taken directly from the source (i.e. Citation 12) and I believe both parts should be paraphrased. Apologies for not catching this during my review. Hopefully, both should be somewhat easy fixes. Thank you again for the ping. I greatly appreciate it. Aoba47 (talk) 01:46, 6 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    @Aoba47: I have paraphrased both sections, though I'm not sure if the changes are necessarily good. PanagiotisZois (talk) 13:35, 11 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    Thank you for the response. I have done a small copy-edit to one of the parts, but feel free to revert it if you disagree with the change. It looks good to me. Aoba47 (talk) 16:40, 11 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Joe

[edit]

Forthcoming. JOEBRO64 13:32, 30 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Joe, just a reminder. Gog the Mild (talk) 00:23, 6 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, I have some notes for a review. Posting sometime later today or early tomorrow. JOEBRO64 13:53, 6 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • I get that this is a fairly plot-heavy game, but I think the first paragraph of the lede should have some gameplay details. I think that's pretty important to cover when introducing a reader to a video game.
  • Going off the previous point, I think the first paragraph is a little excessive on plot details. If I were you, I would reduce it. Here's my recommendation:
    • Original: The story follows Nicole Wilson in Lewis and Clark County, Montana, during December 1993 on a visit to her family's Timberline Hotel. Having left ten years prior with her mother following the revelation that her father Leonard was in a sexual relationship with the teenaged Rachel Foster, Nicole plans on quickly inspecting the Timberline and selling it. After being forced to stay there due to a heavy snowstorm starting after her arrival, Nicole's only contact with the outside world is a Federal Emergency Management Agency agent named Irving. With his help, Nicole decides to investigate the relationship between Leonard and Rachel, as well as her mysterious suicide.
    • Suggested revision: The story, set in December 1993, follows Nicole Wilson on a visit to her family's Timberline Hotel. Having left ten years prior with her mother after learning of her father Leonard's affair with the teenaged Rachel Foster, Nicole plans to quickly inspect the Timberline and sell it. She is forced to stay longer due to a heavy snowstorm, and decides to investigate Leonard and Rachel's relationship, as well as Rachel's mysterious suicide.
then dedicate a sentence or two to summarizing the gameplay.
  • Here's a copyedit suggestion: hit Ctrl+F and search for "the game's" and "of the game". You will find that in 99.9% of all cases, you can cut them without losing anything. Examples:
    • "The game's narrative and gameplay were developed simultaneously to ensure that one would complement the other.
    • "The game's setting—the Timberline Hotel—was praised, as was the sound design for helping create an appropriate atmosphere."
    • "Joffard denounced the narrative for not being engaging enough, causing the player to become a spectator, as well as the game's ending and twists, finding them inconsistent with the rest of the game's story."
    • "The Windows version of the game was released on February 19, 2020."
    • "During the course of the game, Nicole will have to solve "very light environmental puzzles" to progress with the story, such as acquiring a screwdriver or finding a generator switch."
  • In general, I think the prose could use a lot of tightening: I think you could be a bit more compact and straight to the point, and use the active voice as much as possible. I'll reproduce the second lede paragraph:
    • In developing The Suicide of Rachel Foster, One-O-One Games aimed to create a horror game that emphasized suspense and fear instead of traditional monsters. The game's narrative and gameplay were developed simultaneously to ensure that one would complement the other. The game was created as a walking simulator to allow real-life topics to be explored, given the genre's emphasis on narrative. The Overlook Hotel from the 1980 film The Shining was used as inspiration for the Timberline's architecture. The developers sought professional advice for the game's depiction of topics such as child sexual abuse and suicide to portray them with sensitivity. The game was released in February 2020 for Windows and in September 2020 for PlayStation 4 and Xbox One; it was ported to the Nintendo Switch in October 2021.
Here's what I was able to cut it down to in just a few minutes:
One-O-One Games aimed to create a horror game that emphasized suspense and fear over traditional monsters, and developed the narrative and gameplay simultaneously to ensure they would complement each other. They designed The Suicide of Rachel Foster as a walking simulator to explore real-life topics, given the genre's emphasis on narrative, and the Overlook Hotel from the 1980 film The Shining served as inspiration for the Timberline. The developers sought professional advice for the depiction of topics such as child sexual abuse and suicide to portray them with sensitivity. Daedalic released The Suicide of Rachel Foster for Windows in February 2020, for PlayStation 4 and Xbox One in September 2020, and for Nintendo Switch in October 2021.
I've managed to reduce the word count substantially without removing any information or changing any meaning. I would take some scissors, go through the rest of the article, and see what you can trim. You'll be left with leaner, clearer, and more direct prose. I recommend the following essays if you need some additional assistance: WP:REDEX, WP:ELEVAR
  • Will do a reference spotcheck sometime tomorrow.

I guess you could call this a light oppose for the moment; I think the research and structure's good, but the writing needs some cleanup before we're ready for the star. Ping me once you've gone through I'll give the article another read, and I'll make some minor tweaks myself if necessary. JOEBRO64 19:57, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your suggestions! I agree that I can be more direct and concise. A problem I often struggle with; that and repeating words and/or information for some reason. I'll try to thoroughly go through the article and see how I can trim a few things or change others. PanagiotisZois (talk) 23:08, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@TheJoebro64: I've gone through the article again. I tried trimming down certain things, expanding a couple others, and reorganizing here and there. PanagiotisZois (talk) 13:53, 11 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Sounds great, I'll take another look sometime tomorrow. JOEBRO64 14:54, 12 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Should get around to posting my second review today. JOEBRO64 16:51, 17 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
(Apologies it's been two days!) I've read through the article again, and I definitely agree with Gog's suggestion to take this through the GOCE before another nomination. I think the prose all around needs a bit of tightening that I think is outside the scope of an FAC. Here are some examples:
  • Gameplay:
    • Her only means of communication is a radiotelephone she can use to talk with Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) agent Irving Crawford. The player can choose from a dialogue tree how they reply during conversations with him. → She uses a radiotelephone to communicate with the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) agent Irving Crawford and can choose responses in a dialogue tree.
  • Plot:
    • Nicole receives a phone call—despite the hotel's phone lines being down—and is warned to not sell the hotel, as Rachel "is still there". The following day, Nicole finds a recently opened lipstick and tells Irving about her theory that Rachel might still be alive, deciding to collect various clues. → Although the hotel's phone lines are down, Nicole receives a call warning her not to sell the hotel because Rachel remains there. Nicole discovers a recently opened lipstick and, theorizing that Rachel is alive, decides to investigate.
  • Development:
    • The developers chose a hotel as the setting in the belief that an indoor environment would more easily cause players to experience fear and claustrophobia. → One-O-One Games set the game in a hotel, believing that players would experience fear and claustrophobia in an indoor environment.
    • The team wanted players to reflect on the game's topics after playing it, believing discussions of these topics can lead to healing. → The team wanted players to reflect on the topics as they felt discussion facilitates healing.
  • Reception:
    • Though Evans-Thirlwell enjoyed the game's first half, its second half and ending were criticized and described as "melodramatic". → Evans-Thirlwell enjoyed the first half, but criticized the second half and ending as melodramatic.
    • Watts criticized the portrayal of Leonard and Rachel's relationship for being presented in a romantic light, Rachel's lack of agency in the story, and the lack of sensitivity afforded to the handling of child abuse, arguing the game to sensationalize the topic; alongside suicide. → Watts criticized the presentation of Leonard and Rachel's relationship as romantic, Rachel's lack of agency, and the handling of child abuse as lacking sensitivity. He argued the game sensationalized child abuse and suicide.
  • Some stylistic things that also popped up to me:
    • You're using false titles, e.g. "developed by Italian studio One-O-One Games" instead of "developed by the Italian studio One-O-One Games". This is actually discouraged by a few style guides and the essay WP:FALSETITLE makes a decent argument that it should be avoided on Wikipedia, as we're an encyclopedia rather than a news publication.
    • Development and release are separate processes handled by different teams. Most of the first paragraph of the development and release section could become a separate release section. You could also add discussion of how the game was marketed, like through trailers and promos and stuff, if that received any coverage.
    • I don't think the subsections in development are necessary and in fact I think the article would read better if you combined the two. I think separating the choice of genre from story development makes little sense, for instance.
    • The reception section makes generalizations, such as "The depiction of child sexual abuse and Rachel and Leonard's relationship was lambasted", that need direct references. You can do WP:REFBUNDLEs for the generalization cites; see Donkey Kong Land#Reception for an example of this.
    • The reception section has quite a few scare quotes—you don't need to place quotations around words like "melodramatic", "obvious", or "thrilling".
    • This is up to you, but reception sections for VG articles don't necessarily have to name the critics unless they're notable (e.g. Matt Casamassina, Jeff Gerstmann). Just naming the publication can suffice, as the critic is typically speaking on behalf of the publication and it often makes reception sections easier to follow.
    • You've got a few one-sentence paragraphs, which are generally discouraged.
      • I count two. The last paragraph in the "Development" section, and the one about the sequel. I can definitely work with the former, but at this point, given the dearth of sources on the sequel, I don't know what to do there.--PanagiotisZois (talk) 19:49, 19 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I really hope this isn't discouraging—I've encountered plenty of opposes in my FACs and understand how brutal it can feel, but trust me that I genuinely did enjoy learning about this subject and want this article to be the best it possibly can. From my years at FAC, I've actually come to appreciate (if not enjoy!) opposes because they help me identify my deficiencies and work towards correcting them. I'll be more than willing to help you clean up this article in the future because I want to see if get the star. I just don't think it's there yet. JOEBRO64 15:44, 19 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Don't worry Joe. I've been expecting this candidacy to fail for some time now. I appreciate your help this now and your genuine interest in the game. I'll try to address some of your comments as soon as possible. PanagiotisZois (talk) 18:04, 19 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose from Gog the Mild

[edit]

Recusing to review.

  • "The story, set in ..." What story? Maybe something like 'The game revolves around [is focused on/is centered around/or similar] a story, set in ...'
  • "all the while capable of using a radio-telephone to". Optional: 'all the while able to use a radio-telephone to'.
  • "to ensure they would complement each other." Maybe 'so they would complement each other'?
  • "They designed The Suicide of Rachel Foster as a walking simulator to explore real-life topics". See MOS:NOFORCELINK: "Do use a link wherever appropriate, but as far as possible do not force a reader to use that link to understand the sentence. The text needs to make sense to readers who cannot follow links." I think "walking simulator" falls foul of this. Any chance of a brief in line explanation? And in the main article, where you could be a little more expansive if you wish.
  • "and the Overlook Hotel from the 1980 film The Shining served as inspiration for the Timberline." Perhaps put this in a separate sentence? It doesn't seem to have any compelling link to the first half of the sentence.

Lead reviewed. More to follow. Gog the Mild (talk) 17:09, 13 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  • "FEMA". In full at first mention please. (Both in the lead and in the main article.
    • Done.
  • Does Irving have a first name?
    • It's Crawford. Granted, given the reveal at the end that he's Rachel's brother and was only pretending to be a FEMA agent, it's possible his first and last name are both fake; Rachel's surname being Foster. But the game never acknowledges this, so...
  • "very light environmental puzzles". The MoS on quotations: "[t]he source must be named in article text if the quotation is an opinion". Emphasis in original.
  • "Throughout the game, Nicole acquires a ..." "throughout" is factually and/or grammatically incorrect. You mean "during', but have recently used it to start a sentence. Maybe delete "Throughout the game" altogether.
    • Replaced with "as the game progresses".
  • "Repeated mentions of "Nicole". Replace one or two with 'she'.
    • Done.
  • Having skimmed the "Plot section it seems to give too much detail. I would argue for a more summary style. I will leave reviewing this section until we reach a conclusion on this point and any agreed actions have been completed. I note that TheJoebro64 may be making a similar point. TJ64, is that right? Gog the Mild (talk) 22:45, 13 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    I don't entirely disagree about the section's length. I do wish for JoeBro to leave a few more comments, but once that's done I will try and condense or remove a few things. PanagiotisZois (talk) 23:11, 13 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Could you ping me once you are happy for me to formally review this section. Thanks. Moving on:
  • "was designed as a walking simulator due to". "walking simulator" again.
  • "The Suicide of Rachel Foster was designed as a walking simulator due to the genre's emphasis on narrative, allowing for the exploration of real-life topics". So, does the genre allow "for the exploration of real-life topics" or just this game? Why did "the genre's emphasis on narrative" cause the game to be "designed as a walking simulator"? Eg was it as a contrast, to fit in with consumers' expectations of the genre, both, something else?
  • The developers specifically stated that: "As you can imagine we very much love this game genre [walking sims], since it places an incredible focus on narrative mechanics and is a great format to approach real-life subject matters in an interesting manner". It was the genre itself that allows for the exploration of real-life topics "in an interesting manner". Even more specifically, it is the "narrative mechanics" of this genre which allow for this exploration to take place. This being why the developers wanted to make a walking simulator.
Interesting; I still have no clue what a "walking simulator is and/or does. Gog the Mild (talk) 20:43, 14 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
To be honest, I haven't really played all that many adventure games myself, but from my understanding, walking sims are adventure games that specifically focus on environmental exploration, having very little in the way of enemies, boss battles, etc. There's also less emphasis on the gameplay aspects, in a way, and much more focus on the story, the characters, and their relationships to one another. The setting and environment is a core component, as exploring said environment is what helps players piece the puzzle together and figure out the story. Should I add a note in the lede where I summarize what walking sims are? PanagiotisZois (talk) 21:53, 14 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the game has over 100,000 words of dialogue." What has this to do with the earlier part of the sentence? Or is it just an interesting factoid?
  • I guess it does come across a bit more as a fun tidbit. Admittedly, I'm not sure if many other games have such information somewhere in their articles. I can just remove; it won't affect the article much.
  • "The hotel's design drew heavily from the Overlook Hotel, the main setting of Stanley Kubrick's The Shining (1980)." Why?
  • I checked the source again, and ONE-O-ONE stated that by trying to make the Timberline look like the Overlook Hotel, they hoped that they could "plac[e] the player in an environment that would subconsciously trigger players to feel fear based on experience and expectation". I guess the indication here being that the Overlook and The Shining are both so famous (I've never seen the movie) that the developers knew if they made the setting resemble the movie, players would experience fear simply by association. PanagiotisZois (talk) 20:04, 14 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and because the state has a "religious population and legal framework" which provided a "plausible setting for the narrative of psychological horror and moral taboo [they] were making"." Attribute in line per the MoS on quotations please.

Ok, I am stopping here and I am afraid opposing. There is clearly a FA worthy article in there, but I don't think this is it - the amount of work being done or flagged up is beyond what is reasonable at FAC. It is a pity that it didn't attract more input at PR, and it would IMO benefit from both a visit to GoCE and the input of a FAC mentor. Gog the Mild (talk) 15:51, 14 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

A FAC mentor seems like overkill, but I understand this candidacy could fail and how going through GoCE could be helpful. I do appreciate you taking the time to start a review and have a few questions. Firstly, would you mind if I addressed your comments up to the end of the "Setting and genre" subsection and asked for a few clarifications?
Of course not, including continuing off-Wiki if it comes to that.

Secondly, as you commented on "the amount of work being done or flagged up", are the lede and "Gameplay" sections up to FA standards?

Wrap up my comments, and anyone else's, for those two sections, let me know and I'll go through and give you my opinion. Gog the Mild (talk) 18:29, 14 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

PanagiotisZois (talk) 17:03, 14 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Coord note

[edit]

I think it's time to close this and continue work outside FAC, ideally with further input from Joe and Gog, before looking at another nom after the usual 2-week hiatus. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 22:56, 19 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 13 November 2024 [8].

Khalji Revolution

[edit]
Nominator(s): Noorullah (talk) 18:29, 1 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about a political revolution in the Delhi Sultanate in the year 1290. It significantly saw the fall of the Mamluk dynasty and the rise of the Khalji dynasty. Khalji rule would go on to see the Delhi Sultanate encompass most of India under them. The revolution itself had many changes socially as well, with the end of Turkic dominance over the nobility of the Delhi Sultanate. Noorullah (talk) 18:29, 1 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

  • Alt text shouldn't duplicate caption
  • Suggest scaling up the map
  • File:Islamic_Sultanates._Delhi_(Khaljis)._Jalal_al_Din_Firuz._1290-1296_AD._AV_Tanka_(10.95_gm)._Delhi_mint._Dated_AH_691_(1291-2_AD)._Legend_citing_the_sultan_Legend_citing_the_caliph_al_Must'asim.jpg needs a tag for the original work. Nikkimaria (talk) 04:23, 2 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Nikkimaria Hey, I think I've fixed the other issues except for the file. Can you clarify what you exactly mean by "needs a tag for the original work."? Thanks. Noorullah (talk) 04:53, 2 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The tagging on the image reflects the copyright status of the photo, but the coin itself has a separate status - it's likely in the public domain due to its age, we just need an additional tag to reflect that. Nikkimaria (talk) 05:00, 2 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Nikkimaria Ah, thanks, should be good now. Noorullah (talk) 05:16, 2 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

mujinga

[edit]
  • forthcoming Mujinga (talk) 13:16, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • i'm doing a prose review and as it stands am leaning oppose based on failing to meet 1a on the FAC criteria - "well-written: its prose is engaging and of a professional standard"
  • lead last
  • background section:
  • wikilink mamluk on first mention, not third
  • does turkic need a link?
  • "Founded by Qutb ud-Din Aibak, a Turkic slave of his Ghurid overlord Muhammad of Ghor, the Mamluks rose to power following Muhammad's death and asserted their independence." - this sentence is a bit garbled, the Mamluks are the subject but appear quite late. also what are the mamluks? a family? a dynasty? a tribe? this needs drawing out.
  • link Delhi Sultanate on first mention
  • "Balban continued to consolidate" - who?
  • "Malik Nizamuddin" - who? link?
  • Rise of Jalaluddin section:
  • what naming convention are you following here? to me as a nonexpert reader, it seems inconsistent since you have "Jalaluddin Khalji" then "Jalaluddin" but amongst others "Amir Khusrau" staying "Amir Khusrau" upon later mention
  • "Bughra Khan advised Qaiqabad to abstain from indulging in wine and pleasure with concubines, and to remove Nizamuddin from power. After his father's departure, Qaiqabad attempted to resist indulging in debauchery" - prose concerns here, there's 2x indulging and further it's encyclopedia so we don't need to be circumspect about drunkenness
  • "The Turkic faction aimed to maintain Turkic dominance over the Delhi Sultanate, while the Khalji faction sought power for themselves" - another example of not great prose with 2xTurkic
  • revolution section:
  • 14 uses of "Jalaluddin" over three paragraphs
  • "Subsequently, Aitmar Surkah and Aitmar Kachhan initiated intrigue, sending a letter to Jalaluddin addressing him as emperor.[21] Another account suggested it was a letter summoning him to court.[20] "- prose issues
  • "Unopposed, Jalaluddin ordered Qaiqabad's execution. He was wrapped in a carpet and thrown into the Yamuna River.[24]" - prose
  • "Jalaluddin offered Malik Chajju the role of regent, but Malik Chajju preferred the governorship of Kara. With Jalaluddin's approval, Malik Chajju left for Kara. Jalaluddin assumed the roles of regent and wazir of the Sultanate" - prose
  • aftermath section ok
  • lead:
  • "death of Mamluk sultan" - death of the Mamluk sultan
  • there are duplicate links eg Khalji dynasty x2, Delhi Sultanate x3
  • is this lead summarising article well? not really eg "The upheaval commenced and concluded in 1290 when Jalaluddin Khalji seized absolute power, toppling the Mamluks and inaugurating the rule of the Khalji dynasty." - this shows how it commenced but not how it was concluded
  • further, the events of the Khalji Revolution remain quite unclear for me as a nonexpert. obviously it's a hard event to summarise since it was over quickly and involved different factions, but I'm afraid i don't think this article currently is FA standard. it has received a Guild of Copy Editors copyedit, but perhaps a peer review would have helped on its way here Mujinga (talk) 14:15, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    Fixed these issues. @Mujinga
    Balban is mentioned in the lead "It unfolded following the death of the Mamluk sultan Balban..."
    But in the area where you mentioned it may be unclear, from your comment:
    "Balban continued to consolidate" - who?"
    Changed to this:
    "Balban, another ruler of the Delhi Sultanate, continued to consolidate the kingdom after ascending the throne in 1266."
    I've also tried to make the article more clear, both by additions in the lead and in-paragraph. Noorullah (talk) 18:15, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    Hi, I would have appreciated replies to each point, rather than just "fixed these issues" which doesn't seem to be the case. There are certain things that suggest we aren't quite on the same page here, like you not using edit summaries and seemingly not being aware that it is standard practice to wikilink both in the lead and on first mention in the body (and nowadays once per section if it helps). This then makes me think you would indeed be much better off putting the article to peer review first. In addition there's the unresolved issue of the prose being rather antiquated, which makes me wonder if its reflecting the style of the sources rather than taking an encyclopedic tone. It would be great to have this as a featured article, but in my opinion it needs more work first. Good luck with it! Mujinga (talk) 17:56, 12 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    Honestly the prose is purely on my issue. I’ve nominated another page before but one of the more significant concerns typically is prose, (especially looking at past GA’s, which @AirshipJungleman29 can attest to) that prose is definitely something I need to work on and pay more attention to.
    Sometimes I write as you said “antiquated”, lol. I think per your case here it’d be best to withdraw this nomination. Noorullah (talk) 20:41, 12 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 13 November 2024 [9].

Open Finance

[edit]
Nominator(s): Fintechfraser (talk) 01:07, 13 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about Open Finance, an emerging trend in the financial industry with the potential to reshape how people access and manage their finances. It contributes to the encyclopedia by providing a comprehensive, neutral, and well-sourced overview of this important topic, including its history, benefits, risks, and global implications. Readers will gain a deeper understanding of how Open Finance empowers consumers with greater control over their financial data and promotes innovation in financial services. Fintechfraser (talk) 01:07, 13 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose and suggest withdrawal - This article was quickfailed at GAN in July. Some changes have been made in the meanwhile, but there has not been a second GAN review, and some unreferenced statements remain. The sourcing is very hit or miss - some sources appear to be reliable financial journals, some are reports from reputable agencies or newspapers, but there's some confusing inclusions. "TrueLayer Blog", "Tech UK", "Accenture Banking Blog"? Sources cited to SSRN (a preprint database, not its own source!) or the UK Archives (not the actual page archived). There's a list of how its implemented around the world, but what countries are included seems a bit arbitrary (and this generally trends towards unnecessary country-by-country breakdowns).

This is a shame; we definitely need more economics FAs, but this needs a good GAN review and likely a peer review from an experienced editor in the field before coming back here. Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 01:52, 13 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Suggest withdrawal and consider seeking mentorship and/or peer review. In addition to the sourcing issues noted by Generalissima, the article has some neutrality issues, adopting some of the language of industry publications like "unlock the full potential of open finance" or "foster innovation and competition within the financial sector". Nikkimaria (talk) 03:39, 13 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@FAC coordinators: it appears that this has been withdrawn. Nikkimaria (talk) 04:25, 13 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by David Fuchs via FACBot (talk) 12 November 2024 [10].

German atrocities committed against Soviet prisoners of war

[edit]
Nominator(s): (t · c) buidhe 19:03, 18 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about the second largest Nazi mass killing, also one of the least known. I'm not a fan of the title, but I think the article is now ready for FAC after going through GAN and GOCE, for which I thank Catlemur and Miniapolis (t · c) buidhe 19:03, 18 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Drive-by comment from Joeyquism

[edit]

There was a good point brought up on this article's talk page about its title. What I'm primarily concerned about is WP:NPOV with regards to the word "atrocities" - while anyone with a working conscience would, of course, label these acts as atrocities, I'm not sure if this is neutral phrasing. There's mention of using the term "war crimes" instead; perhaps this would be a better descriptor? If that term is incorrect due to sources saying otherwise/definitions imposed by authoritative bodies or simply just not to your taste (it would make the title longer and introduce another instance of the word "war"), let me know. joeyquism (talk) 03:11, 19 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Buidhe: I might add that I should be able to commit to a full review soon, and I will likely start after my move in a couple of days (though moving efforts will ultimately take precedence). If I don't get anything down here within the next one-and-a-half to two weeks, you are welcome to ping me liberally. joeyquism (talk) 03:23, 19 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for your feedback. My main objection to the title is that the article's scope is more broad—it covers the totality of experiences of prisoners of war, which were not necessarily atrocities or war crimes. In a lot of cases, the sources don't specify whether something is a war crime, although they are clear that many violations of the Geneva conventions occurred. (t · c) buidhe 03:44, 19 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
This reasoning seems fair enough. I will not press on the title any further. joeyquism (talk) 04:53, 19 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

UC

[edit]

I will try to come back for a "proper" review, but two small points for now:

  • As we only have the one map in the article, I worry that it gives the impression of representing the total scale of German advances into the USSR, when of course it shows only quite a small fraction of it. Two options, I think -- either add another one later on, to show advances up to Moscow/Stalingrad, or replace it with one that shows the whole campaign, perhaps phased by year.
  • If we're going to use a German noun, like Blitzkrieg, as a native word in italics, we need to capitalise it. UndercoverClassicist T·C 14:39, 19 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The map was chosen to show the quick advances at the beginning of the camp which enabled the Germans to capture so many prisoners. I'm not attached to that map in particular, but I didn't see any others that made the speed of the advance as clear. I wonder if any confusion could be alleviated by explicitly pointing it out in the caption. Fixed the capitalization issue. (t · c) buidhe 22:38, 19 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I'm imagining one with nice labelled lines, or coloured waves, showing the frontline at the end of each year, but I'm not sure if Commons has one of those. UndercoverClassicist T·C 08:00, 20 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
this map exists but I thought it was harder for readers to take in than the one I used. (t · c) buidhe 12:50, 20 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Yeah, pros and cons to each. Two maps might be the way to go? I might have a look on Commons and see if I can suggest anything sensible. UndercoverClassicist T·C 13:14, 20 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
buidhe and UndercoverClassicist, Here's a map that might work as an addition or replacement to address the concerns raised above. Its based on the [[this map|unused map]] buidhe mentioned above that has conquered areas colored by date, such as UC suggested (if I'm understanding colored waves correctly). It has the Soviet army pockets, whose placement is based the two West Point maps (one used in this article) on the Eastern Front (both linked in the map description). It varies from the base map in that some of the schematic advance lines were adjusted to make the formation of the pockets more clear, and it has some minor cosmetic changes. I think it helps cover the bases implied in the above discussion:
  • It highlights the Soviet army pockets, which play a major role in this article, whereas they are somewhat hidden in the West Point map.
  • Almost all the schematic arrows correspond to an actual line of advance, but avoid all the military designations, which aren't germane to the article.
  • This map extends beyond August, going to the Battle of Moscow in December.
  • It shows the later pockets, such as Kiev, Vyazma, and Bryansk.
This is just a suggestion on an issue already discussed. If it doesn't serve the article's needs, its construction was an interesting way to think a bit more deeply about the article. Wtfiv (talk) 07:37, 30 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Looks like a great piece of work: certainly looks clear and that it would do the job well, though I'm not really qualified to pronounce as to its accuracy or whether it fits the purpose needed in this article: I will leave that to buidhe. UndercoverClassicist T·C 08:32, 30 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks wftiv! Your map looks great :) (t · c) buidhe 03:39, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I'm glad it was useful! Since you used it, I rebuilt the entire map as an .svg, making it more consistent, easier to edit, and more scaleable. Wtfiv (talk) 16:32, 3 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Captured Red Army soldiers (in infobox): is this quite complete -- wouldn't some prisoners have come from e.g. NKVD formations or the naval infantry? Suggest "Captured Soviet troops".
    • Ok
  • The Nazi leadership believed that war with its ideological enemy was inevitable: consider expanding this a little -- I know it's a long story, but it's somewhat germane to the point why the Nazis thought of the USSR as such an inevitable and hated enemy.
    • Clarified the reasons the source gives for this belief
  • preventative killings: sounds a little euphemistic: is this the term used in the literature?
    • Yes, well, the source says "preemptive killings"
  • War aims included securing natural resources, including agricultural land to feed Germany, metals and mineral oil for German industry: cadence is better if you either lose the first comma or add one before the final and: at the moment, it's a little loose as to how each part flows together.
    • I shortened the sentence by removing the last clause
  • The vast majority of German military manpower and materiel was devoted to the invasion, which was carried out as a war of extermination with complete disregard for the laws and customs of war.: changing tone a little, can I just put on record my approval of this kind of phrasing -- it would be easy to shy away from being so straightforward about it out of mistaken NPOV concerns, but you do an excellent job of being absolutely explicit about what we are talking about while keeping everything well within what can be supported from the evidence.
  • Informed by Nazi racial theory and Germany's experience during World War I,: I understand the first bit, but what does Germany's experience in WWI have to do with the idea that Muslims are "better" than Ukrainians?
    • This factor was separate from Nazi racial theory (according to the source), which doesn't elaborate much but cites another highly reliable source that I can't check. During WWI the Germans recruited some nationalities into the war effort, but faced problems with "unreliability". (t · c) buidhe 13:46, 21 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • by killing communist functionaries and Soviet Jews, it was expected that resistance would quickly collapse: the passive voice is tricky here ("by whom?"): suggest "they expected".
    • Done
  • Soviet prisoners of war were held under tighter control, and had a higher death rate: as this is a comparative statement, I would make it an explicit comparison: "than those of other nations"; "than those of western European ethnicity"? I'd be interested to know what the Nazis made of e.g. African and Asian troops fighting for the western Allies.
    • Compared to those mentioned in the last couple of sentences : Soviet urbanites and ghettoised Jews. Made it more clear
  • generally adhered to it with prisoners of other nationalities: perhaps not totally to the point here, but did this apply to e.g. black American soldiers, those believed to be gay, or Jews?
  • there were no legal gray areas: consider ambiguities per MOS:CLICHE?
    • done
  • Helmuth James Graf von Moltke was one of the few high-ranking officials: can we say what his position was?
    • As the article says he supported treating all prisoners according to the Geneva Convention, is there a way to make this more clear?
      • Sorry, I meant “position” as in his rank, job etc — we’ve said he was important, but can we be more specific? UndercoverClassicist T·C 19:13, 21 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        • he was in the Abwehr (t · c) buidhe 20:12, 21 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
          Just looking at his Wikipedia page -- was he really all that high ranking? His job seems to have been fairly ordinary: when I hear "high-ranking", I think senior government ministers, generals, heads of agencies and so on: was he anything close to that? UndercoverClassicist T·C 09:39, 22 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
          Pohl says that "hardly anyone" (presumably on the German side) supported treating POWs according to the Geneva Convention. Revised (t · c) buidhe 13:41, 22 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
          • As we've presented it, we've claimed to know that almost all people in Germany supported war crimes against Soviets. That's a big claim -- is that something Pohl a) alleges and b) could reasonably be able to prove? Otherwise, something like "Nazi officials", "figures within the regime", or similar might help. I don't think the point is wrong at all, but that makes it all the more important to be ironclad on the details. UndercoverClassicist T·C 16:27, 26 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
            @Buidhe: I think this is the last unresolved issue here? UndercoverClassicist T·C 11:45, 28 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
            Sorry I missed this. The reason I wrote it the way I did originally was that I thought he was referring to officials with some influence on the actual policy, but technically there isn't explicit support for this in the text. After looking at the context I think it's clear that he is referring to views within the Wehrmacht, but it's unclear exactly which group of Wehrmacht personnel he is referring to. "The murder of Soviet prisoners of war was undoubtedly controversial within the Wehrmacht... Hardly anyone, however, advocated treatment of Soviet prisoners of war that was fully in line with international law; one of the few who did so was Helmut James Graf von Moltke." (t · c) buidhe 14:42, 28 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
            Current phrasing is good, I think. UndercoverClassicist T·C 15:15, 28 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • the rapid encirclement actions that the German commanders expected in the blitzkrieg: you will know more about this than me, but I gather that military historians are increasingly sceptical of the idea that Blitzkrieg was a coherent doctrine, rather than a post-facto myth that conveniently explained the rather inadequate Allied response to the invasion of France.
    • I don't have any knowledge of this, actually, so I rewrote not to use the word blitzkrieg.

More to follow. UndercoverClassicist T·C 08:47, 21 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  • Mark Edele gets the microphone for practically all of the section on why Soviet soldiers surrendered. Does this represent WP:DUEWEIGHT -- are there other voices of equal/greater weight that could/should be brought in here?
    • None of the other books really address this topic.
  • The Waffen part of Waffen-SS needs to be italicised (really, the whole thing should be in a lang template, but I'm not sure how well that plays with links plus regular italicisation).
  • Red Army soldiers overtaken by the German advance without being captured were ordered to present themselves to the Wehrmacht: we've usually avoided gratuitously Germanising perfectly normal terms, which I think is the right way to go (I think this reddit thread puts the case quite well), but this seems to be an exception: why not "German Army" (or "German armed forces" vel sim), as we have used elsewhere? If we are desperate to use a German word, we should italicise and use lang templates.
    • I've taken out all mentions of Wehrmacht in the article
  • The number of Soviet soldiers captured fell dramatically after the Battle of Moscow in late 1941: is it worth being explicit that this was because the Germans started losing at this point?
    • Pohl doesn't make this connection, I searched through the relevant chapter in Hartmann and he doesn't either. I will check if it's in the Quinkert book.
  • Why does Dulag get an explanation but stalag not? The latter also needs a capital letter.
    • Rewrote
  • , when the Commissar Order was rescinded: I would rework this section a little, to initially explain what the Commissar Order was, then what happened under it, then what happened after it was rescinded. At the moment, we rely on the reader knowing or being able to infer what the order demanded.
    • Done
  • Contradictory orders were issued for the execution of female combatants in the Soviet army, who defied German gender expectations, but the orders were not always followed: can we be a little clearer as to what some of these orders were -- presumably, as with the commissars, a spectrum between "kill them all" and "treat them with particular respect"?
    • Rewrite
  • the OKW's Allgemeines Wehrmachtsamt.: see comment earlier about German terms -- if this one is really untranslatable, we should at least explain what it was in English.
  • the Korücks,: likewise -- can we explain who these people were?
    • To be honest, I don't really understand. I may do more research, or it may be that the intricacies of the chain of command are not WP:DUE (given that they aren't even mentioned in most of the sources). Update: I decided take out these couple sentences. (t · c) buidhe 13:51, 26 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • A figure of 200,000 to 250,000 deaths in transit is provided in Russian estimates: we imply here that other estimates are available, or that these might not be above suspicion -- can we expand on either side?
    • I only put it this way because both of the cited sources state explicitly that it is a "Russian estimate" (apparently from Rossija i SSSR ν vojnach XX veka. Statisticeskoe issledovanie. Red. G. F. Krivoseev. Moskva 2001)
  • Make sure that date ranges, including in work titles, have endashes (I noticed Moore 2022).
    • Fixed
  • "barbed-wire fences" should have a hyphen, as a compound modifier.
    • Done
  • the encirclements of Vyazma and Bryansk: can we put an explicit date on this?
    • Done
  • The vast majority of prisoners (ethnic Russians) : I think this would be more grammatical as "Ethnic Russians, the vast majority of the prisoners, were not..."
    • Done
  • prisoners were released so they could volunteer for the Wehrmacht or the police: see my point earlier about the word Wehrmacht.
  • About one-third became Hiwis: suggest explaining what Hiwis were.
    • Reworded
  • Wehrmacht soldiers often conducted the executions: as above.
  • a stereotypically-Jewish appearance: MOS:HYPHEN says not to use a hyphen when the compound modifier is formed by a regular -ly adverb.
    • done
  • With Wehrmacht cooperation, Einsatzgruppen units: I think Einsatzgruppen may have to stay as untranslatable, but see earlier comments about Wehrmacht and lang templates.
    • As with Waffen-SS, the majority of scholarly English language sources don't italicize.
  • five to 25 percent escaped detection: MOS:NUM would like consistency.
    • Done
  • Invalid soldiers were in particular danger when the front approached. invalid meaning "sick" is only usually a noun: suggest "disabled", "soldiers too sick to work", or similar.
    • Done
  • if their responses were unsatisfactory, they were discharged from prisoner-of-war status: I think we should be a little more explicit as to what this means -- "discharged" often means "released", especially in a military context.
    • Done
  • Suggest knocking the "were" out of the "killed at Mauthausen" link to break the sea of blue.
    • Done
  • Hitler opposed recruiting Soviet collaborators for military and police functions, blaming non-German recruits for defeat in World War I.: would this point be useful further up to explain what we meant about Germany's WWI experience causing animosity to certain eastern European ethnicities?
    • I could move it up but then it wouldn't explain in this section why Hitler opposed their recruitment, but his underlings disagreed.
  • some having living conditions similar to Wehrmacht soldiers: another beat on the same drum, I'm afraid.
  • 14 in the Turkestan Legion, nine in the Armenian Legion, eight each in the Azerbaijani and Georgian Legions, and seven in the North Caucasian and Idel-Ural Legions.: MOS:FIGURES again.
    • Fixed
  • Employers paid RM0.54 per day per man This and similar values a little later -- it seems intuitive that these are small amounts, but can we contextualise them vs. the price of something worth buying, or the wages of someone like a soldier?
    • Add currency conversion, although I'm not sure how meaningful it is.
  • the Channel Islands, where many died: my impression is that Jersey, at least, was a fairly 'tame' (by Nazi standards!) place to be, both for the soldiers and for the prisoners, at least until Germany started losing badly and food became more scarce. Is the conflation of Norway and the CI justified here?
  • Unlike the Holocaust, where killings occurred far from Germany's borders : we need a mostly in here -- Dachau and Ravensbrück, for example, were certainly in Germany.
    • The vast, vast majority of Jewish holocaust victims were killed east of Germany's 1937 borders. None of the death camps, ghettos, or mass execution sites were located in Germany's prewar territory. Unless they were in the army, a German could well have seen their Jewish neighbors rounded up but would not have witnessed anyone being killed, except perhaps at the very end of the war. Dachau and Ravensbrück, and other concentration camps (except Auschwitz and Majdanek which were located in Poland) were not used for mass executions of Jews.
      • No, but Jews died in Dachau and Ravensbrück, didn't they? I agree there's a difference of degree, but we still surely need something like "almost all", unless we mean to exclude someone who starved or was beaten to death there from the victims of the Holocaust. UndercoverClassicist T·C 09:44, 22 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        • What the cited source says is: "After 1945, many Germans claimed that they had not known about the murder of Jews, which had happened far away... Soviet POWs were dying in huge numbers in camps inside Germany by 1941 – a fact that was widely known and was occurring before most of the Jews had been deported and killed"
  • The caption on the Hess at Minsk photo has a lot of links on common terms that were linked much earlier -- and, I'm afraid, I must ask about "Wehrmacht" again...
    • It's often recommended to repeat links in captions
  • About 500,000 prisoners had been freed by Allied armies by February 1945: is this just on the Eastern Front, or in the West as well?
    • Only the Red Army, clarified
  • German Army scorched-earth tactics: I would cut Army, as the air force played its role too. One might even consider cutting German too -- didn't the Soviets carry out scorched earth tactics as they withdrew?
    • Source says German Army. I don't know if the Red Army used scorched earth tactics but the vast majority of war destruction seems to be attributed to the German occupiers.
  • who fell into enemy hands or was encircled without capture: this seems rather harsh! Am I reading correctly that being surrounded made you a traitor if you didn't surrender?
    • While Moore states, "Servicemen who had been captured and escaped, or who had been encircled but not captured—something that may have applied to up to a million men in the first weeks of the conflict—had been dealt with under the Soviet criminal code as though they had committed high treason and were therefore subject to execution and the confiscation of their property." I was curious about this and tracked down the source he cited (Pavel Polian, ‘The Internment of Returning Soviet Prisoners-of-War after 1945’, in Bob Moore and Barbara Hately-Broad (eds), Prisoners of War, Prisoners of Peace (Oxford: Berg, 2005) p. 127.) Polian does not say that this class of people was considered universally traitors, only that they were screened after the war to find traitors. I rewrote the sentence based on Edele and Polian; it seems like in theory you were not a traitor if you surrendered due to the impossibility of continuing resistance, but in practice you would fall under suspicion.
      • That makes more sense: I suppose the (twisted) Soviet logic would have been that getting yourself encircled might show a less-than-stellar desire to fight and win: perhaps you only got into that situation because you weren't aggressive enough, or were hoping to be captured. UndercoverClassicist T·C 09:44, 22 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • classified all surrendering commanders and political officers culpable deserters : better as as culpable deserters, or culpable as deserters. If the former, could cut culpable -- you can't be a not-culpable deserter.
    • Done
  • Trawniki men were typically sentenced : I would explain who these people were.
  • According to official statistics, "57.8 per cent were sent home, 19.1 per cent were remobilized into the army, 14.5 per cent were transferred to labour battalions of the People's Commissariat for Defence, 6.5 per cent were transferred to the NKVD 'for disposal', and 2.1 per cent were deployed in Soviet military offices abroad".: an odd place to quote -- this is just bare facts, so better as a paraphrase. It's minor, but the WP:NONFREE case here is not strong.
    • Rewrote
  • Different figures appear in the book Dimensions of a Crime. Soviet Prisoners of War in World War II: better as a colon, not a full stop, between title and subtitle -- but why give the title at all, rather than the author, as we've normally done with scholars' opinions?
    • Non-notable authors, rephrased
  • They were excluded from the Foundation Remembrance, Responsibility and Future fund: this could do with a bit of explanation -- it sounds from the article as though this was a Soviet thing.
    • Done
  • others belonged to the NKVD, People's Militia, were from uniformed civilian services: not grammatical: "to the NKVD or People's Militia, were from..."
    • Done
  • Christian Streit's landmark Keine Kameraden : landmark is a bit WP:PROMO, and I would translate the title for Anglophone readers.
    • Rewrote

That's a first pass -- my admiration continues. Clear and authoritative throughout: purely on prose, I found the "death toll" section slightly less sparkling than the rest, but that may be a reflection of the difficulty of conveying what is essentially a long list of (rather harrowing) statistics. As ever, my respect for taking on such a challenging and important topic and conveying it so well. I hope these comments are helpful, and please do take them as the beginning rather than the end of a conversation. UndercoverClassicist T·C 20:42, 21 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Support -- apologies for a long and no doubt torturous review, but I hope it's been to the article's benefit. Once again, huge respect for doing an excellent job with such a challenging subject. UndercoverClassicist T·C 15:17, 28 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Commentary from fifelfoo on all of 1, 1c (inflation specific), all of 2, 3 (textual quotation), 4, including plagiarism samplings

[edit]

I appear to be liable to assist, for various reasons of past personal reading. And in that matter, if people believe my past editing in historiography of state murders would bias me or cause the appearance of bias, please ask me to cease my contributions immediately? I haven't done one of these in a while, so this may take some time, and my standards may be out of alignment with current standards (I did check back on customs and practices last year). If I can have 4 days to get through the major headings? Fifelfoo (talk) 10:53, 28 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

1a: reviewed: oppose
[edit]
  • I am aware that I'm reviewing a GA
  • Now that is a lede sentence. That's a masterful lede sentence. It is also a masterful lede.
  • "Among the criminal orders issued before the invasion was the execution of captured Soviet commissars." => "Among the criminal orders issued before the invasion was the order for the execution of captured Soviet commissars." Otherwise it appears that the executions happened before the war due to verb chaining issues across comparative verbal clauses.
  • "military planners decided to breach it with the Soviet prisoners" => "with Soviet prisoners" the collective noun doesn't need an article
  • "Soviet Jews, political commissars, and some officers, communists, intellectuals, Asians, and female combatants" => ", some officers," unnecessary "and" within a comma separated noun list.
  • Completely agree with decision to exclude historiography from lede: article isn't "Historiography of…". The implicit historiographical summary of "but far less studied" is an appropriate historical conclusion of interest to the general reader. Really well handled here. Historiography is often too danke for the general reader, but necessary in body. Picked the right lede point in complex terrain.
  • "To increase the speed of conquest, the Germans" do note that I'm reading for stuff like this. The correct noun choices based on the historiographical arguments around "Ordinary men" are observed by readers like me, and I have read for these observations of "avoidance of Clean Wehrmacht" type myths. Correctly handled here, as a note, will observe if ever incorrectly handled (do not expect it to be.) I note that merely a paragraph later Nazi is used correctly to typify a view not universally held, compared to standard German myths of the East. This reinforces my belief that tonal choices of collective agent nouns will be correct.
  • "World War I led to increased antisemitism" => "World War I had lead to increased antisemitism" consider? My en_AU_scholarly views of which English past tense to use may be atypical though. The point being that WWI didn't simply produce a result, but was an active process producing a result in the past.
  • "and recognition of the need to secure food supplies" whose need? Unnamed noun. Suggest "recognition of Germany's need" as this dolchstosselegende myth isn't Nazi specific.
  • "they were less effective than expected because of flight" whose flight? "because of civilian flight" missing noun. Alternately civilian and military flight if more representative of HQRS scholarly judgement? Scholars may have generalised all kinds of flight, regardless of STAVKA's hopes.
    • The source says : "Many managed to flee other large Soviet cities that were under German occupation" so I cannot explicitly say civilian if the source doesn't.
  • "Although the mass deaths of prisoners in 1941 were controversial within the military, Abwehr officer Helmuth James Graf von Moltke was one of the few who favored treating Soviet prisoners according to the law." This is a bit of a mess. Complex multivalued expression with subtle nods to variations. "Although the virtue of mass deaths of prisoners…was controversial… [for purely instrumental reasons of policy?], Abwehr…according to law." I'm not sure what I'm meant to read here as a reader? Sure von Moltke might be admirable because he likes law of war, but what's the controversy about then?: Shoot them now or shoot them later?; Oh we don't want to starve slaves to death, we want to work them to death, work them in conditions of life unworthy of life, demonstratively punish them indefinitely, while your racial views are admirable they are of military detriment to defeating our enemy? Dangling an implicit controversy without explaining it in the sentence leads me unable to read von Moltke's legalism appropriately. Was he legalist in comparison to now/later policy views; was he legalist in comparison to military efficacy is death/ military efficacy is preservation of surrender as possible? This one is really troubling for me as I can't read it to an adequate conclusion of what kind of barbarism OKW/OKH policy level leaders were controverting over.
    • The source does not allow me to elaborate on Moltke's views, which would probably be WP:UNDUE because the article is not about Moltke.
  • "Little planning was made for housing and feeding the millions of soldiers to be captured as part of the rapid encirclement actions that German generals were planning." I've read enough mass human death studies to understand what "little planning" indicates. The general reader may not have? "were planning, the absence of plans implied necessarily deficient ad hoc solutions regardless of intention."? I'm reading here for language, not for OR/HQRS representation obviously. The follow on sentence implies the hermeneutic gap: absence of planning results in deficient outcomes regardless of intention. (With the intentions I'd anticipate supplied below during implementation).
    • I'm not sure what you want me to add here. Some sources highlight the lack of planning and suggest that the mass death was driven by logistical factors rather than malice. Others imply the lack of planning is indicative of malice, or at best depraved, callous, and criminal disregard for human life. But there is one point on which they agree and that's what is encyclopedically included as an undisputed fact; my inclination is to WP:Let the reader decide on the rest.
  • I love the section headings. I hate that I love the section headings (appropriate for the article). They are perfectly chosen, encyclopaedic, representative, NPOV.
  • "In 1941, three or four Soviet soldiers were captured for each one killed in action;" comma unnecessary for clause, "In 1941 three or four Soviet…"
  • "the ratio of prisoners was reduced later in the war" agents "reduce" ratios. Which agent decided to kill more prisoners? Passive voice here is an enemy to good writing in an agentic situation. "German forces reduced the number of captures later in the war." "Soviet operational and strategic art reduced the capacity for German forces to capture more POWs later in…". Do you see what I'm getting at here? Dangling an unspecified agent might be "safe" but it isn't "safe" for a history encyclopaedia article in an area of history where agents ordered people not to surrender or invited people out for a nice clean "partisan" hunt to be off the front lines?
    • Edele's argument isn't that more captured soldiers were killed—but that fewer defected and others were more inclined to put up a fight rather than surrender. (t · c) buidhe 14:08, 29 August 2024 (UTC) I have clarified this point (t · c) buidhe 02:10, 31 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "By mid-December 1941, 79 percent of prisoners (more than two million) had been captured". 79% of what period? All of the GPW? Of 1941? Of the period of rout and retreat to the turning point? And which prisoners? I know it is implied by the article title but it's a dangling absent noun. "in thirteen major cauldron battles."? 79% of prisoners to mid-December 1941 were captured in cauldron battles specifically?
  • "military factors such as poor leadership, lack of arms and ammunition, and being completely overwhelmed by" "and [who] being completely". Soviet soldiers? Soviet commands?
    • I could add another couple "Soviet" modifiers here but that would be repetitive and I believe that the intended meaning is 100% clear from context.
  • "The [] Error: [undefined] Error: {{Lang}}: no text (help): no text (help) " lmftfy. Why is there a de link against Waffen-SS? What editorial decision led to this? does this indicate cross-wiki porting? I'd appreciate an answer as it would go to another section (plagiarism detailed detection). Not a threat by the way, but a request for explanation of the editorial decision.
  • "The Red Army shot prisoners [less often]", German aligned combatant prisoners? Soviet or formerly soviet-aligned prisoners?
    • Clarified
  • "this contributed to a mutual escalation of violence" how did the Red Army shooting fewer prisoners contribute to escalation? It violates the conceptual structure of the initial verbal comparative. Try breaking into separate sentences?
  • "Killings before reaching the collection point [de] are not counted as part of the figures for Soviet prisoner deaths." Okay… so why is there a trailing de link? Whose figures for Soviet deaths? Where has this content come from? Seriously, from a plagiarism basis where has this come from? Stranded sentences that are incoherent in the paragraphs' argument that reference cross-wiki content make me really bloody worried about copyvio/closepara. Separate from cv/cp issues, whose figures, and why do we care? "OKH compiled figures ignored deaths prior to concentration at collection points." "Post-war Soviet figures neglected as POW deaths deaths prior to collection by OKH POW authorities." See the issue with a lack of a collective noun?
    • The link is a result of trying to avoid jargon (see some of UC's comments above), not copyvio from a foreign language source. The death statistics referred to are the German ones, since Soviet collection of information naturally cannot distinguish between missing and prisoners. Nevertheless, I have clarified. (t · c) buidhe 06:13, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "overtaken by the German advance without being captured were ordered to present themselves to the German authorities under the threat of summary execution" were ordered by whom? STAVKA? OKH? Kinda matters there. One's a lawful order, the other is an order given to unsurrendered combatants by OPFOR. The collapsed nouns are causing real problems in reading. I know what you're saying because I'm already aware of which institutional authority is responsible for which abhorrent preventable killings, but "average reader" won't be.
  • "Despite the Supreme Command of Ground Forces (OKH) order, prisoners were often taken under such circumstances;[57][54] thousands of Red Army soldiers were executed on the spot as "partisans" or "irregulars"". So we have a comparative between "Despite X: prisoners were taken; thousands of Soldiers were shot." That's not a good construction. Break into sentences to avoid spanning comparatives. "OKH ordered shootings. Prisoners were often taken by Heer units despite OKH commands. Yet thousands of Red Army soldiers were executed." Breaking into sentences prevents OKH orders spanning opposed comparatives.
  • "Others evaded capture " which others? OKH, Heer, Soviet soldiers? There are three major nouns in the prior multi clause sentence, you need to reestablish the central noun.
  • I have reached "Processing." I believe this is a sufficient basis to oppose on 1a. Failed noun targets, verbal clauses which avoid comparatives correctly, and passive voice avoiding assigning agentic power to responsible state authorities is sufficient. The clarity of the lede isn't present in the body where implied subjects and objects have to be read for aggressively exist. I will of course continue the review in other areas I identified I'd review, and expect good results there. (rest of 1, 2, plagiarism). Generalised editing on the points above throughout the article would be required for reassessment of this criteria (which I'd be happy to do.) Fifelfoo (talk) 09:58, 29 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • I've rephrased in most of the above cases, while there are a few where I felt the suggestion was not an improvement. While I appreciate your feedback helping to improve the article and reduce the potential for misunderstanding, other editors seem to feel there is sufficient clarity from context. Some vagueness is inevitable, indeed appropriate, when dealing with many agencies issuing conflicting orders and people on the ground not necessarily following any of them. (t · c) buidhe 06:13, 2 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
1c Well-researched inflation specific: improvement needed
[edit]

I am not attacking the sources selected, or the choice to make a calculation for the purposes of the readers' benefit. Nor am I attacking the choice of calculation for comparison (USCPI). But there are two problems with the inflations: US cents are not specified (a wide variety of nations use cents); Current footnote 190abc Federal Reserve Bank of Minneapolis 2019. doesn't indicate that the calculation was a triviality performed by editorial staff. Consider "Approximately 13 cents in contemporary US dollars,[189] or $2 today." and "Calculated using Federal Reserve Bank of Minneapolis 2019." Fifelfoo (talk) 10:53, 28 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  • Sure, I'm not attached to this way of indicating inflation, but I used it because it was already in other featured articles, including the Holocaust in Slovakia. I did add "United States" for clarification. (t · c) buidhe 14:36, 28 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • I'm not troubled by the editorial decision to use a post-war interstate arbitration of values between RM and USD, or your choice of CPI as appropriate inflator: these are good editorial decisions in inflation. Wages of unskilled workers (as Soviet POWS were forced to labour) is an appropriate CPI inflation use. I'm concerned about attribution of the calculation, and indication that the "modern comparator" is in USD. I think many people across the world can readily recognise USD values in beer and skittles, rent and hours of labour. Please see this edit: attempted indication of calculation for me indicating a fix. If you like the fix, please incorporate it. I am going to indicate that I'd 1c Inflation Only oppose over attribution of calculation, by I understand FAC moderators know who I am, and what bee I have in my bonnet over inflation calculation and the potential for original research in this domain, and that in my oppose they would read that I do not consider the underlying choice of inter-state value transformation or CPI as incorrect. They would weight my oppose on 1c inflation only appropriately. (compared to my expectation that every other category of my review would be support / resolved). Do you see what I'm getting at with the sample edit? We're showing that the calculation is Wikipedia's because the calculation is trivial here. Trivial equalling "not OR". Thank you for indicating the reference cents are USD cents.
    • Additionally in relation to other FAs: "Other stuff exists." I'm reviewing the high quality article that your editorial community has put time into on its merits in front of my eyes: FAC coordinators know how to value my opinion and would not overweight it. Fifelfoo (talk) 08:28, 29 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
1e Stability: support
[edit]

I'm convinced the article is stable, I noted a series of 3K additions, and removals, the talk page appears to have been functioning when these emerged and raised them, and editors on the talk page sought as editors to reach a proper editorial resolution including asking for external assistance without prompting or conflict requiring such. Fifelfoo (talk) 10:53, 28 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

3 Media: query (resolved)
[edit]

Have you considered using blockquotes drawn from primary sources which are themselves used in secondary sources as "typifying" of individual experiences? Text can act as media. It is useful for blending "colour" with "personal experience" and "voice from the era"? This is a query only, not a decline. Fifelfoo (talk) 10:53, 28 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  • I'm not sure that the encyclopedia's goals include capturing "colour", "personal experience" and "voice from the era". Furthermore, you don't find many similar quotations in a lot of related articles, including FAs. I'm not opposed to quotations but I only add them if I feel that it increases the reader's encyclopedic understanding more than paraphrasing/rewriting, per MOS:QUOTE. (t · c) buidhe 14:36, 28 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • Thank you for responding to this query. I was following MOS:IMAGERELEVANCE's concept of media as "an important illustrative aid to understanding." While I've got the reading to experience the illustrative affect (emotional reaction) to the image files presented. From your MOS:QUOTE: "Quotation should be used, with attribution, to present emotive opinions that cannot be expressed in Wikipedia's own voice, but never to present cultural norms as simply opinional." My personal editorial opinion is that History articles can benefit from illustrative blockquotes from primary sources acting "as Media," for the purposes we use other media for. I must admit that I contributed significantly to the essay, which includes the observation at WP:HISTIP, "A fact qualifies for illustration when a major scholarly text explicitly demonstrates a point by reference to a primary source, or quotes a primary source in demonstration of a major (as weighted) fact." Text causes me to react in ways illustrative image media doesn't. I'm not suggesting quoting Idi i smotri. As the sponsoring editor you may have read the most reputable scholarly sources who themselves cannot avoid quoting primary sources to illustrate the impact on humans that encamped starvation or sub-survival calorie slave labour do not have when referred to technically. I trust your judgement entirely here, but was suggesting a category of historical media that is sometimes neglected. If a more versed editor than I could recommend an example of a recent historical FA that quotes a primary source in terms of WP:HISTIP's suggestions I would value their example of style, as I've been on an extended wikibreak. Thank you again for considering this query, I've noted it as resolved based on your consideration. Fifelfoo (talk) 07:58, 29 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Statistical graphic "Soviet prisoners of war by year of capture" almost certainly requires sourcing for its stats. Fifelfoo (talk) 09:58, 29 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    The data is cited in the Commons image description as recommended, which you get to by clicking on the image. (t · c) buidhe 14:14, 29 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
4 Length: support
[edit]

I am satisfied the length suits the topic, and the section lengths suit the importance of the sections to the encyclopaedic presentation. Fifelfoo (talk) 10:53, 28 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Support by Shushugah

[edit]
  • Specify USD$ in the footnotes
    • Done
  • Consistently italicize and capitalize the German words used, e.g Abwher -> Abwher and lebensraum -> Lebensraum
    • I capitalized lebensraum but I don't agree with italicizing when most English sources don't (Abwehr, Waffen-SS, etc.)
  • Use Umlaut consistently or not (ä replaced with ae etc..) e.g Flossenbürg becomes Flossenbuerg
  • I understood the comparison of Polish/Russian prisons of war, but given it mentions other civilians of Russian citizenry, I am surprised by lack of mention of World War II casualties of Poland which is one of the highest in WW2.
    • why is this relevant to include? It's certainly not true in absolute terms, where the Soviet losses dwarfed everyone else's. Losses were proportionally higher in the western Soviet union as well
  • I was confused by the racial hierarchy paragraph; Nazi racial theories § Slavs left me more confused what is meant by Asians, and what is meant by Russian, particularly with counter-examples of Georgians being consider Aryan potentially on one hand, and Ukrainians being called "Untermentsch" on the other.
    • Where Soviet citizens were concerned there was a clear hierarchy of treatment in practice, which was only partly based on Nazi racial theories." Asian does not mean Georgian but Central Asians, Siberians who looked" Mongoloid ". I can try to source more explanation on that point
  • @Buidhe and Shushugah: is there more to come from either of you here? Thanks. Gog the Mild (talk) 10:39, 17 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    @Gog the Mild @Buidhe thanks for the ping! The link to Mongoloids for Asians helped me better understand what is being referred within local racial hierarchies. I am happy to give my suppport and wanted to mention some small nitpicks (not blockers for my support)
    ~ 🦝 Shushugah (he/him • talk) 14:36, 23 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks Shushugah. Without actually checking the captions, I assume that the perceived problem is because they adhere to MOS:CAPFRAG ? Gog the Mild (talk) 14:40, 23 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Gog the Mild exactly. I see that consistency between sentence and caption fragment is not explicitly required. Some of the captions could easily be converted into sentences, but not required nor beneficial. So strike my feedback on MOS:CAPFRAG. ~ 🦝 Shushugah (he/him • talk) 14:50, 23 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed the wikilink, appreciate feedback and your support :) (t · c) buidhe 03:28, 24 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Support by Nick-D

[edit]

It's great to see a high quality article on this very important topic. I'd like to offer the following comments:

  • I agree that the article seems miss-titled given it covers all aspects of how the Germans treated Soviet POWs. The current title could give readers the impression that only some Soviet POWs were subjected to atrocities or that this was a sub-set of the German policies.
  • There's a fair bit of over-linking. I'd suggest using one of the tools to identify duplicate links.
    • Guidance on MOS:REPEATLINK has changed and I believe the article fulfills the new standards (it's now recommended to repeat links each section where that aids reader understanding): many readers don't go in order.
  • "To increase the speed of conquest, the German invaders planned to feed their army by looting" - from memory, Adam Tooze argues in The Wages of Destruction that this was also due to the weakness of the German war economy
    • I'm not sure if that is worth mentioning in this article, it's not mainly about pillage.
      • The statement that this was done only to "increase the speed of conquest" is an oversimplification. The strain that the German war economy was under is relevant to the topic of this article, so it seems a good idea to get details like this right. Nick-D (talk) 11:10, 17 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Because prisoners of war were held under tighter control than urban or Jewish civilians, they had a higher death rate from starvation" - this seems out of place
  • The text starting with "It is disputed if the German command" doesn't really cover the differing views and who holds them
    • OK, I have attempted to rewrite. I think sources agree that as time went on the labor of prisoners was prioritized, but where they differ is emphasizing logistical vs ideological factors, and whether it is a "mass killing" or only "mass death".
  • "Especially in 1941, the German Army often refused to take prisoners on the Eastern Front and shot Soviet soldiers who tried to surrender." - this sentence seems far too categorical. It would also be good to explain whether this was the actions of individual soldiers or whether they were directed to not take prisoners (or a bit of both)
    • clarified that these do not seem to be ordered from above, but tacitly tolerated by the military leadership
  • "Red Army soldiers overtaken by the German advance without being captured were ordered by the Supreme Command of Ground Forces (OKH) to present themselves to the German authorities under the threat of summary execution" - how could and did the German high command order Soviet soldiers to do this?
    • "Schon am 25. Juli 1941 befahl das OKH, versprengte Rotarmisten hätten „sich sofort bei der nächsten deutschen Wehrmachtsdienststelle zu melden. Geschieht das nicht, sind sie von einem gebietsweise festzusetzenden Zeitpunkt ab als Freischärler anzusehen und entsprechend zu behandeln."" and what was the result? "Im Rahmen der Partisanenbekämpfung wurde nicht nur in Zivil untergetauchten Soldaten, sondern sogar aufgegriffenen Uniformierten die Erschießung angedroht." Yes, the order was actually directed at Red Army soldiers, although the extent to which it reached them was debatable: "Mit Hilfe von Fristen sollte das deutsche Besatzungsgebiet „von Versprengten gereinigt" werden53. Aber war es realistisch und vor allem fair, die in den Wäldern und Sümpfen vagabundierenden Uberlebenskünstler mittels Plakaten und Flugblättern erreichen zu wollen?"
  • "An estimated 20 percent or more" - what is this a proportion of? The total POWs taken during this period or something else?
    • Clarified
  • "Shooting prisoners was encouraged." - by whom, and who were they encouraging to do this?
    • Clarified
  • "about half were recaptured,[92] and around 10,000 reached Switzerland." - surely far more would have returned home to German occupied territory, cross the front line to Soviet territory or become partisans?
    • that's true but we have no figures for that.
  • "Due to its clear-cut criminality, the treatment of Soviet prisoners of war was mentioned in the International Military Tribunal's indictment" - can you say why?
  • "Viktor Zemskov says" - I'd suggest identifying who this person is (e.g. is he a historian?)
    • Done
  • "Thousands of books have been published about the Holocaust, but in 2016 there were no books in English about the fate of Soviet prisoners of war." - this seems over-simplistic given that the topic is routinely covered in English language works on the Soviet-German war, sometimes in quite a bit of detail.
    • While it's not a perfect metric, I've seen it in multiple sources. It's clear to me that the topic is vastly under studied compared to the number of deaths, even in comparison to other atrocities that killed large numbers of Soviet citizens - such as anti-partisan warfare. (t · c) buidhe 21:12, 1 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
      • Surely something can be said that acknowledges that there is in fact a sizable English language literature on this topic while also noting the lack of dedicated books? (the English language literature on the Soviet Union's war experiences continues to be very patchy across the board). The topic is usually covered as part of popular works on the war, so English language people with an interest in the conflict should be aware of it as a result. For instance, I first became aware of his issue in the 1990s through Anthony Beevor's enormously popular book Stalingrad, which includes a focus on the experiances of the Soviet prisoners who ended up fighting with the Germans at Stalingrad. Nick-D (talk) 11:10, 17 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        While that's true, I don't think it's verifiable to make such a claim about the English language literature specifically. Quinkert et al. discuss Russian and German literatures but not publications in English. (t · c) buidhe 01:46, 18 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
        • I've had a poke around academic journal databases, and haven't hard any luck here either. I really don't like this text as it misrepresents the literature, but I guess it's technically accurate. I'd suggest continuing to look for sources here, perhaps in PhD thesis literature review sections and the like. Nick-D (talk) 11:11, 19 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'd suggest briefly noting the far right narrative that has attempted to present the way in which the western Allies held German POWs in 1945 as being directly comparable to the treatment of Soviet POWs. Nick-D (talk) 02:06, 31 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your review (t · c) buidhe 04:43, 6 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Support My comments are now addressed, though I've left a further response above. Nick-D (talk) 11:11, 19 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

[edit]

I am surprised that there has not been an image review so far. Here goes my attempt at one, Buidhe:

Matarisvan

[edit]

Text review:

  • "Although more than a million": "Although" is not necessary here, consider removing?
  • "mass death of prisoners, with": prefix "along" before "with", since we have a conjuctive here?
  • "Little planning was made": "done" instead of "made"?
  • "that was fewer": "the actual number" instead of "that"?
  • "ordered from above": "by the high command" instead of "from above"?
  • "while escaped": "after their escape" would be better grammatically?
  • Link to Gestapo on first use instead of second?
  • "1,487 calories": consider providing the required calories per day for an adult male as a comparable?
    • This is a bit difficult. Many were required to perform hard labor which increases calorie requirements. I did mention that it's a starvation amount even if the POWs received it, which they didn't.
  • "and by the end of the war around a million were": "and the total number released was around a million by the end of the war" would be grammatically better, wdyt?
  • "With the army's cooperation, [] Error: [undefined] Error: {{Lang}}: no text (help): no text (help) units": Fix the lang template?
  • "Soviet Muslims mistaken for Jews were sometimes killed": are any numbers available? If so, consider adding?
    • No
  • "when the front approached": what does "front" mean here? Frontline? Do we intend to say "when the frontline was closer to the camps"?
  • "advocating the transfer": add "for" after "advocating"?
  • "under the control of the SS": "to" instead of under?
  • "Officers were over-represented": are any percentages known?
    • Not in any of the sources consulted
  • Link to Hanover-Wülfel?
    • There isn't a good link, even on de wikipedia the closest is de:Döhren-Wülfel, no en wiki article for that
  • Is the 2015 reparations amount known? If so, consider adding along with an inflation adjusted figure?
    • Done (still recent enough that I'm not sure inflation is helpful to include)
  • "Hartmann's 3 million": Introduce and link to Hartmann here instead of in the legacy section?

Source formatting review:

  • Would you consider adding DOIs and JSTOR IDs for books? If so, I can provide them. Many sources are from OUP, CUP or other university presses which allow access through The Wikipedia Library that is easier than accessing through ISBNs.
    • I have no objection if you want to do it.
  • For Quinkert, Keller, Kozlova, Meier & Winkel and Latyschew 2021, I don't think the following text is necessary if you're using harvc: "Dimensionen eines Verbrechens: Sowjetische Kriegsgefangene im Zweiten Weltkrieg | Dimensions of a Crime. Soviet Prisoners of War in World War II (in German and English). Metropol Verlag. ISBN 978-3-86331-582-5." Just using in1, in2 and year parameters would be enough.
    • I don't understand in1 and the documentation doesn't explain it, as far as I can tell. Could you reformat one of the refs so I can see what you mean?
  • Add archive URLs for "Consumer Price Index, 1800–", Foreign Claims Settlement Commission 1968, Otto & Keller 2019?
    • I don't have the script or bot that does this, but I don't have any objection to it.
  • Remove the links to USGPO, Cambridge University Press, Yale University Press, Militärgeschichtliche Zeitschrift and Russian History? Otherwise you will have to link to all other publishers and journals to maintain consistency.
    • I should now have bluelinked everything that has an enwiki article.
  • Consider adding series and volume numbers for sources which provide these? For example, Pohl 2012, Otto & Keller 2019 etc.
    • I guess I'm not convinced that this is particularly helpful (it isn't needed to find the book) and I try to keep the info in bibliographies to what is actually going to be useful.
  • Is there any material in Keller 2011 which we could add here? Otherwise, if it is similar to the works cited here, then you may have to remove it.
    • It goes into a lot of detail on a particular group of Soviet POWs that are a minority of the total, thus WP:UNDUE to add. We already cite a bunch of info from his summary of his research in Keller 2021. The full book is listed for readers desiring more information on that specifically. If there was a separate article for Soviet prisoners of war in Germany I would remove it and list in there instead.

I'll try to do a source review with spot checks soon. Overall, I found the article impressive and well written, congratulations to you on writing such a great article. Cheers Matarisvan (talk) 09:06, 4 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  • Thanks for your review, I have actioned everything except some of what I mentioned above. (t · c) buidhe 13:46, 5 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    Hi, I have done the biblio formatting, please let me know if my format is ok with you. On the text and source formatting, a support from me. Will try to get the spotchecks done in 1-2 days. Matarisvan (talk) 17:17, 5 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks! All the formatting looks good. Note: I added a source, Westermann 2023, in response to comments above (t · c) buidhe 01:35, 6 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    I should be able to get you pdfs of almost all the sources if you can't access them (t · c) buidhe 14:51, 6 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    Not a problem, I had noticed that addition during my edit and formatted it too. For the spot checks, I will be going through 15 refs which is roughly 6% of the total refs. For generating the ref numbers I will use a random number generator to get as random numbers as possible. Here goes the source review, @Buidhe:
    • All sources are from reliable publishers and authors.
    • #9, #14, #39, #43, #47, #49, #80, #93, #106, #117, #134, #156, #190: all ok
    • #28: mostly ok but I couldn't find the supporting text for "several weeks after the start of the war", since no date is given for Hitler's rejection of POW terms.
    • #254: The second sentence is ok, but the first is not. The source says "Post-war German rationalizations and apologia for the Soviet mortality even included claims that it was the long-term undernourishment of Soviet soldiers by their own Government that had led to their widespread deaths in German captivity" while the article says "After the war, some Germans made apologetic statements about the 1941 causes of mass death". I think you misunderstood what apologia means here, the Germans were not apologizing for the Soviet deaths but trying to defend themselves, one definition of apologia can be "a formal written defence of one's opinions or conduct". So you will have to change the first sentence to some variant of "After the war, there were some German attempts to deflect the blame for the 1941 mass deaths".
    Matarisvan (talk) 15:35, 6 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    For #28, based on the text it occurred before another Soviet order that was dated in August. I'm looking for another source that gives the time frame more explicitly. It is supposed to be in Streim's chapter of this book, but I cannot access it :(
    For #254, I mean apologetic in the second sense listed in the dictionary, but evidently that's not clear so I rewrote it. (t · c) buidhe 20:17, 6 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    I can't find anything else for #28, but I could remove it if you want. (t · c) buidhe 20:37, 6 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    No, let me check by using Streim's book's DOI and JSTOR, I'll wikimail you the page or page range. Matarisvan (talk) 05:32, 7 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    @Buidhe, Google Books has the access to the relevant pages, namely 295-296, but these also do not have any dates. I think you will have to remove the phrase "several weeks after the start of the war". Matarisvan (talk) 08:55, 7 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    If you look at page 296, these diplomatic communication are dated to July and August 1941—aka within the first several weeks of the war. (t · c) buidhe 13:41, 7 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    The source review a pass then, @Buidhe. Cheers Matarisvan (talk) 16:46, 7 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Graham Beards

[edit]

There are redundancies in the prose. I have made some edits to the Lead as examples [11]. The main problem is the excessive use of "numbers" as in "numbers of" and so forth. Can we check that these are needed and for variations where possible? Graham Beards (talk) 11:29, 9 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, thanks for the copyedits. I went through the body and reduced the use of the word "numbers", but I cannot think of a better rephrasing in the remaining cases. Although some could be replaced by "amount", I don't think it would be an improvement. (t · c) buidhe 16:41, 9 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. I am pleased to add my Support. Well done. Graham Beards (talk) 16:44, 9 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Gog the Mild

[edit]

Recusing to review.

  • "The German military did not record Soviet prisoner deaths that occurred prior to arriving at the collection points." Slightly clumsy. Perhaps a slight rephrase? Eg 'The German military did not record Soviet deaths that occurred prior to prisoners arriving at the collection points' or similar.
  • Only one work has a publisher location (Foreign Claims Settlement Commission). Could we have consistency?
  • "Two-thirds of them died from starvation, exposure, and disease by early 1942". Perhaps 'Two-thirds of them had died from starvation, exposure, and disease by early 1942'.
  • "ranking as one of the highest death rates from mass atrocity in history." Really! Surely there were plenty with a 100% death rate? I note that the same phrase is used in the main article, but the greater context makes it more reasonable to take "rate" as meaning 'number'. I suggest tweaking the wording in both cases, certainly in the lead.
    • "Death rate" doesn't refer to the percentage of people who died, but the ratio of deaths per unit of time, in this case deaths per month: "one of the highest rates of human destruction in history". Is there a way to rephrase it so it's clearer what the source means? (t · c) buidhe 03:17, 24 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, so currently you have "Two-thirds of them had died from starvation, exposure, and disease by early 1942—ranking as one of the highest death rates from mass atrocity in history." I think that if you are going to go with this it needs to be based on a number rather than a fraction. Eg 'By early 1942 over two-thirds of the more than three million Soviet military personal taken prisoner had died.' Then, perhaps in a separate sentence, 'This is one of the highest sustained rates of killing for any mass atrocity in history.' How does this or something like it sound? Gog the Mild (talk) 19:02, 25 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Done (t · c) buidhe 03:55, 26 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "More prisoners were shot for being wounded, ill, or unable to keep up with forced marches." Optional, → 'More prisoners were shot because they were wounded, ill, or unable to keep up with forced marches.'

Gog the Mild (talk) 20:07, 23 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Buidhe. I keep coming across niggly issues in the main article, so I am going to recuse and review in full. I anticipate that much of it will be copy editing. I will do some of it straight into the article. If you disagree with or don't understand any changes, could we discuss that here? Thanks. Gog the Mild (talk) 15:08, 1 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  • Foreign language words, eg Lebensraum, should be in lang templates, not just italics.
    • Done
  • "the German military's High Command (OKW) ... The OKW said ..." OKW only needs introducing once, similarly linking the short form.
  • "Abwehr officer Helmuth James Graf von Moltke was one of the few who favored treating Soviet prisoners according to the law." This seems a bit odd. Why cherry pick this one German soldier to have his opinion detailed?
  • "intent to use the prisoners as a labor reserve before and during the war." Use as labor before the war? (Ie, before they were captured.)
    • There is a better way to phrase this, but the controversy is over whether, before the war and during its first months, Wehrmacht planners intended to feed their prisoners so that they could be deployed in large scale forced labor projects (which would occur once the war started and prisoners were captured) (t · c) buidhe 16:49, 1 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "During the invasion of France in 1940, 1.9 million prisoners of war". Just the invasion of France or the whole Western Campaign?
  • "In 1941, three or four Soviet soldiers were captured for each one killed, indicating widespread surrender". This is a tautology. I mean, a PoW pretty much assumes a prior surrender.
  • "thirteen major cauldron battles". Rather than going with the (unexplained) technical term, how about 'thirteen battles where large Soviet forces were surrounded' or similar?
    • Done
  • "a collection point at the division or army level." There were no corps level collection points?

More to follow. Gog the Mild (talk) 16:17, 1 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Gog the Mild do you have further input? Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs talk 10:40, 10 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
David, I do, I do. Apologies, I am fighting my way out of a nasty, six-day dose of Covid. (Unless I go radio silent again, in which case keep counting.) I shall get onto it. Gog the Mild (talk) 17:30, 11 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Some prisoners had to live in the open for the entire winter, in unheated rooms." Living in even "unheated rooms" is not living "in the open for the entire winter",
  • "Following setbacks in the military campaign, Hitler ordered on 31 October". What military setbacks occurred prior to 31 October?

Gog the Mild (talk) 21:36, 15 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  • "The first 200,000 Soviet prisoners of war were deported to Germany in July and August 1941". The first 200,000 to be captured or the first 200,000 to be deported?

That's it from me. Gog the Mild (talk) 20:20, 16 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Piotrus

[edit]

I was negatively surprised some minor (but I believe DUE) content was removed since I added it last year. I've readded it and I was immediately reverted by Buidhe. Discussion (started by me few minutes ago) ongoing at artcle's talk: (Talk:German_atrocities_committed_against_Soviet_prisoners_of_war#Relevance_of_the_mention_of_German_atrocities_committed_against_Polish_prisoners_of_war); I'll update this when it is finished, but from my perspective, the article is not comprehensive (and not neutral per WP:DUE) without mentioning this topic in at least a sentence or two (and I am flabbergasted that even a see also mention that was present before was removed...). --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 06:43, 19 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Your sources aren't about the article topic so they don't show wp:due. That is why the content has been removed multiple times. If the article is supposed to include allied soldiers fighting alongside the Soviet army (it doesn't), it is cherry picking to shoe horn in polish soldiers without mentioning those from Czechoslovakia and other countries. (t · c) buidhe 18:21, 19 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Like Buidhe I fail to see the relevance, or at least the pressing importance, of this information to this article. Gog the Mild (talk) 18:44, 19 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Gog the Mild The article should briefly mention that Germans committed similar atrocities to other groups of POWs, and link to relevant articles. To me, this seems quite relevant in the context of comprehensive coverage. In addition, we should also (briefly) mention that Soviet themselves committed similar atrocities on POWs they captured (Germans and others), although right now we don't seem to have a relevant article to link to (I'll try to remedy this shortly). Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 02:59, 22 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
PS. Remedied: Soviet atrocities committed against prisoners of war during World War II and added as a 'see also' to the nominated article. Wonder if this will also be removed? Ideally, of course, this should be incorporated into the article in a relevant place as a blue link, as it is an obvious topic. I will also note that the nominated article is linked from that article as well as from the mentioned Polish article, and nobody is suggesting to remove those links, as the topics are obviously closely related and should be linked from corresponding articles. Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 03:42, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The topic is discussed in various sources. For example, it is misleading to discuss the fate of Jewish Red Army soldiers without noting that the same fate befell (often, earlier) Jewish Polish Army soldiers. See ex. Shmuel Krakowski, "The Fate of the Jewish POWs of the Soviet and Polish Armies," in The Shoah and the War, ed. Asher Cohen, Yehoyakim Cochavi, and Yoav Gelber (New York: Peter Lang, 1992), 217–30. Krakowski's work was called, btw, "groundbreaking work on Soviet-Jewish prisoners of war" ([12]) - I am surprised it is not cited at all. Linked article by Polian could also be used to expand the article; I think it needs a section dedicated to the Jewish Soviet POWs. This is how it is done in the German_atrocities_committed_against_Polish_prisoners_of_war#Fate_of_the_Jewish_POWs. Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 03:05, 22 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Echoing Gog and Buidhe above, I don't think there should be a detailed treatment of Polish PoWs in this article: it is about German atrocities against Soviet prisoners of war. The article certainly doesn't claim, imply or even allow the reading that the Germans only committed atrocities against Soviet PoWs: detailed discussion of the Germans' treatment of e.g. American, Belgian or Polish PoWs would not be WP:DUE except where it is clearly relevant to the Soviet story. For example, at one point the article and its sources use the relatively good treatment of prisoners taken in the Fall of France to demonstrate that the Germans' treatment of Soviet PoWs cannot simply be explained through incompetence or impoverishment. UndercoverClassicist T·C 09:32, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@UndercoverClassicist FYI there is no detailed treatment of Polish PoWs in the article. After discussion on talk, the mention has been further reduced to short two sentences, and it is primarily used to demonstrate that Soviet POWs were treated much more harshly then Poles (I've just added a precise estimate to back up an imprecise claim made by an article). What puzzles me is Buidhe's repeated insistence of removing even the blue link to a relevant article (i.e. German atrocities committed against Polish prisoners of war). Please take a look at the current version and discussion on article's talk. One sentence and a single link is hardly a "detailed treatment"? Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 02:50, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Edit: It looks like I may have to withdraw the FAC because in my opinion the content added fails the FA criteria (specifically 1c, 1d, and 4) as there is no reliable source that connects the added content to the issue of Soviet prisoners of war. Unless User:UndercoverClassicist, User:Gog the Mild, or others wish to weigh in on the article talk page, Piotrus is claiming that the content he added has consensus and needs to be kept. (t · c) buidhe 02:34, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    Krakowski's source is not a HQRS, nor is one of the sources that Piotrus cited. (t · c) buidhe 02:35, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    I disagree on them not being HQRS. Krakowski's work has been influential and should be mentioned, at least in historiography; without that I don't think 1c would be met. If his claims have been replaced by more modern research, we don't need to cite him, but we should mention his work in the context of bridging Holocaust and POW discourse. Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 02:51, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    PS. Regarding the other source you recently criticized, Piotrowski, while I also disagree on him not being HQRS, as I said elsewhere, it is not necessary and can be removed, go ahead. Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 02:52, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    PPS. Copying from another discussion: "Oh, and on 1c, you should consult Polish and Soviet/Russian historiography on this topic. [2] for example ("The article concerns the motif and theme of Soviet prisoners of war in Russian literature"), [3] ("Crime, Politics, Humanitarism. Tragedy of the Soviet Captives on the Polish Land during the World War II") seem quite relevant, for example. I expect 'Legacy and historiography' section could be expanded much more than its current three short paragraphs with German, Russian and Polish studies." Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 02:57, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    There's a lot more that could be cited on legacy from the sources I cited, however, I think the article already goes into the right amount of detail.
    Jewish POWs were a tiny percentage of the total. They are already discussed adequately, to discuss them any more would probably be disproportionate, leaving aside HQRS issues. (t · c) buidhe 03:24, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    While I am not opposing based on that, since to some degree this is just a matter of structuring content, and not comprehensivity (well-researchedness...) I find is strange that we (I...) could find room to have a section on Jewish POWs in the articles on Polish POWs, but that cannot be done here. IMHO having a section dedicated to discussion of Soviet Jewish POWs would be a good idea and due, and supported by RS. This topic has been covered in dedicated academic articles and likely needs its own subarticle. In addition to Krakowski: [13], [14], [15], [16], [17]... Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 03:35, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    Of the Polish POWs who were targeted by "atrocities", a large percentage were Jewish so it makes sense that the other article would lend significant coverage to it. Of the Soviet POWs that were mistreated, only a tiny percentage were Jewish. The subject is already adequately covered in the "selective killings" section. It may be a notable subject for its own article, as are other subjects related to this one, such as Soviet prisoners of war in Nazi concentration camps (there is an entire book on this)... (t · c) buidhe 03:42, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    PPPS. " there is no reliable source that connects the added content to the issue of Soviet prisoners of war". This is not correct. First, I did not add the mention of Polish POWs; I just added a clarification and a blue link to the content already present there, added presumably by Buidhe and cited to a source that makes exactly this connection (Gerlach 2016:165). That source states “The treatment and death rates of Polish and Soviet POW differed in the extreme, although in ‘racial’ terms there was not much of a difference between them"; and our article stated that "Polish prisoners of war were considered racially similar to Soviet prisoners, but their conditions differed greatly and death rate was an order of magnitude lower". All that was added was a precise estimate (similar to the precise estimate already present in the article for Italian POWs) and a short sentence (~15 words) mentioning that Germans also committed atrocities against Polish POWs and linking to a dedicated article; that sentence contains a further estimate of Polish fatalities, serving to clarify and reinforce the previously imprecise (but roughly correct) claim of "magnitudes". Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 03:30, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    The 2-3 percent figure is already in Gerlach and if you think including it is so important, I could be persuaded on that. I just don't find the added content about Polish prisoners helpful or informative. War crimes were also committed against some Allied prisoners of different nationalities (US, UK, France, etc.), but the overall point that these were exceptions continues to to be true. I also think it is misleading to include this sentence about Polish prisoners but not cover other Allied nationalities, as it might lead the reader to conclude that more atrocities were committed against Polish prisoners when it was not necessarily the case. Indeed, after Soviet and Italian prisoners, it was not Poles but Yugoslav nationals who faced the worst treatment and highest death rates. Yet another reason not to shoehorn in content about Poland. (t · c) buidhe 03:50, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    As per discussion on talk, I've rewritten the sentence to remove the focus on Polish POWs. It now refers to Allied POWs. I fully agree that the magnitude of crimes and treatment of Soviet POWs was different; but I think we need to briefly mention that (as you did) and link to other related articles which contain detailed information. I'd support adding information that Yugoslav nationals were the third group instead, it seems relevant - do we have any article covering their situation that we could link to? Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 05:04, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

While the issue above (about Polish POWs) is hopefully being resolved through discussions on talk (and the article is stable), I remain concerned about whether this article is comprehensive. As I noted above, the legacy section is rather short. I have added a sentence and ref, as well as a link, to Soviet repressions against former prisoners of war (the title is not very clear - this is about Soviet repressions against the Soviet survivors of German camps, i.e. the very group discussed here), a highly relevant topic that was totally absent (despite one sentence of the legacy covering a related debate in the later years). The mentioned topic of Soviet atrocities committed against prisoners of war during World War II is still just a generic see also at the end of the article, although a while ago Buidhe mentioned that "it could be linked from the text". A week has passed since, and no link from the text to this has been made (is there even a relevant part of the text?). I have noticed some sources discuss the relation between German and Soviet treatments of POWs; a very good source is [18] (a paper about comparative treatment of POWs in WW2, including the ones discussed here). It mentions a number of interesting facts that seem to be absent from our article, such as how Red Cross and other organizations were denied entry to German and Soviet camps for their respective prisoners, and how information about large numbers of prisoners in those countries were suppressed by those who feared that this may lead to more humane treatment due the fear of revenge. Another interesting fact mentioned by MacKenzie (but not in our article) is that Canaris argued for more humane treatment of Russian POWs (using the same logic), to no avail. IMHO the topic of how German treatment of Soviet POWs was on some level similar, and on others, different, to the Soviet treatment of German POWs should merit its own paragraph. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 04:43, 3 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

IMHO the topic of how German treatment of Soviet POWs was on some level similar, and on others, different, to the Soviet treatment of German POWs should merit its own paragraph: I would strongly disagree here. When we're talking about atrocities, crimes against humanity etc, such comparisons serve as whataboutism and have the effect of minimising or excusing the atrocity at hand. This article should be about its title: other, related topics, can be linked in See Also. UndercoverClassicist T·C 10:26, 3 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The literature, or at least some of it, discusses the relation of those topics. That merits more than just a see also. Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 06:36, 6 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
And Buidhe keeps edit warring, removing all changes by those she disagrees with, up to and including a see also section (that is needed for a GA; I believe a see also should be converted into a link in text for a FA). Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 06:44, 6 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Anyway, I proposed another compromise version (this time with no link to Polish POWs, as a problematic sentence with racial comparison was removed after a discussion on talk, thank you @Dreamcatcher25). But links to the two other articles IMHO should be in article body (those two are Soviet repressions against former prisoners of war and Soviet atrocities committed against prisoners of war during World War II). Right now the link to the former has been removed even from see also. I started a new discussion on talk about it; everyone is welcome there. Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 07:05, 6 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@UndercoverClassicist Btw, the article already cites: Edele, Mark (2016). "Take (No) Prisoners! The Red Army and German POWs, 1941–1943". The Journal of Modern History. 88 (2): 342–379. I'll note that Edele even has an entire section on comparisons, where he writes "there are thus both similarities and differences between the way the Red Army and the Wehrmacht treated their POWs". Comparing those two topics is hardly whataboutism, this is done in the reliable sources, and at length (for example, one of the pertinent dimensions is to what degree the brutal treatment of POWs on the Eastern front was because of the concept of revenge). Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 06:10, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

wtfiv

[edit]

It's good to see an article on an this: As you mentioned, western coverage of the suffering and atrocities that Russian soldiers suffered at the hands of the Nazi regimes seems sparse. This carefully written article fills that gap.

You've been going through a rigorous review process already, but I wanted to provide suggestions too, waiting until my Featured Article Candidate had cleared. Most of my comments and observations are structural and stylistic as much of the content has been addressed.

Note: I've provided alternate examples illustrating the points I made on the this talk page. They're not meant as suggested rewrites, but just samples that hopefully clarify the points made in the review below.

Background
[edit]
  • Paragraph 1
    • Consider changing to terrorize to "terrorizing" to stay parallel with preceding gerund "looting".
  • Paragraph 2
    • Consider putting The vast majority...invasion in the first paragraph, which is about the resources and effort dedicated to the war. Maybe a clause at the end of the first sentence "..., devoting the vast majority of their military manpower and materiel." This would keep focus of the second paragraph on the ideology.
      • Then begin something like "The invasion was carried out....
    • Is the "with" in with Ukranians needed? The sentence is a list, the other elements following the commas don't use a preposition. Perhaps reword colon followed by list: "ranked according to a racial hierarchy: Soviet Germans...at the top, Ukrainians in the middle, Russians toward...lowest." This also has the advantage that it doesn't lead to an initial misreading(quickly corrected) that Soviet Germans, Balts and Muslims are leading the categorization effort.
  • Trying to separate the ideological from the pragmatic decisions would create the false impression that some were ideologically motivated while others were pragmatic. For example, the military decision to invade the Soviet union was heavily based on anti communist ideological factors. The decision to shoot Jews and communists was because of the belief that this would curb resistance to the invasion. That said, these paragraphs were separated for length reasons, there may be a better way to organize them. (t · c) buidhe 18:00, 3 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    I suggested an alternative minor edit of these three paragraphs that keeps all the ideas and paragraphing but thematically organizes them, but addresses the points made. It doesn't remove any of the points nor include major rewrites, except the racial hierarchy sentence, was slightly modified. (If you think it is an improvement, I kept the citations in place to make using it easier with a cut and paste. Of course, if you like the original organization better, that works too. The changes are fairly minor.) Wtfiv (talk) 18:46, 3 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Paragraph 3
    • This paragraph is about food supply. Consider moving ...suspicion of Jews...defeat to Paragraph 2, as that is the ideology paragraph. It seems an edited version of this would go well before The Nazis believed...conspiracy. This would put the two aspects: The Jews being blamed for German defeat and the perception of a Jewish concpiracy together as an ideological whole, with its focuse on race prejudice.
    • Would making the second half of the first sentence in para 3 and recognition of the need..., somewhat modified, be a better start for paragraph 3, as the focus of this paragraph is control of the food supply.
  • Side by side of current and alternative example for all three paragraphs provided here. (All three provided to illustrate that suggested changes are interlinked across paragraphs.)
    The way you reworked it comes together. In particular, think the new order you created for the paragraph works well to emphasize the article's point. The way you put the ending provides the rationale for seeing what is coming in the following sections as an atrocity. Wtfiv (talk) 09:28, 5 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
[edit]
  • Paragraph 1
    • The last sentence states that there was controversy about the treatment of prisoners, but only Moltke favored the law (assuming the law refers both to the Hague and Geneva conventions?) If there was no other advocate for following the law, it's unclear what other sources of controversy may be. It's particularly unclear because in the previous sentence, it stated that no one objected to a war of extermination. So a reader might see this: There was no objection, there was controversy, only Moltke- who favored the law- was the source of controversy. Consider rewording. My understanding is that the military went along with the policy, and it sounds like Moltke was the exception. But if something else is meant, I think it needs clarification.
  • Paragraph 2
    • Consider reworking this paragraph a bit. Current order seems to mix issues: .(a) Controversy- logistics vs. ideology. (b) little planning by Germans and many prisoners captured, (c) less captured than expected (d) Still disagreement on controversy, (e) treatment of prisoners in France 40 cited that its not just logistics.
    • Suggested order: (a) Controversy- logistics vs. ideology. (b) evidence against it being just logistics- intentional lack of planning for prisoners, less than expected captured, ability to care for France 40 prisoners. (d) Sums to evidence in favor of ideology. Here's more details.
      • Consider reworking to put the ideas of two sentences Anti-Bolshevisim, antisemitism...labor and There is still disagreement...labor reserve together, as they are addressing the lead point of this paragraph. The details on planning and number of prisoners would seem to go better as they are addressing the controversy.
      • Related to the previous point. The last sentence in Paragraph 3 of Background implies that the overall starvation was due to the German policy on food supplies. It seems the paragraph should open with food supply or logistics, as it has been established in the narrative. Consider something like. "The regime's demands for food...contributed to the mass death of prisoners, but anti-Bolshevisim...are often cited as the main reason."
      • Consider ending the paragraph with the marshalled evidence- lack of planning, less prisoners, treatment of Western European prisoners- and an overall conclusion for ideological evidence.
      • Side by side of current and alternative example linked here.
      • (Minor suggestion) Does Kay's name have to intrude in the narrative here? Aren't there more than one historian who state that supply and logistics cannot explain the mass deaths that could be cited. Three lines of evidence are given.
        • I definitely do not think this can be said in wiki voice, because there are others (especially Hartmann) who argue that the logistical situation was fundamentally different due to the lack of railways, roads and other infrastructure in the Soviet Union. (t · c) buidhe 13:31, 6 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
          Sounds good. (Read Hartmann's arguments.) Thanks for the reply to my minor comment, which was more of an indirect query. Wtfiv (talk) 16:23, 6 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
    • (Minor suggestion) Consider deleting military setbacks. The original numbers were based on optimistic planning, which rarely bears out. Many prisoners, such as at Kiev, were captured opportunistically in situations not initially anticipated in the first plans.
    • (Comment only) I see why security and labor needs are mentioned here, but it is a bit awkward because these concepts were not introduced early and just pop up here. They are addressed later, but their introduction assumes a reader is already aware of German labor needs and partisan security issues. I'm not sure much can be done about this.
Capture
[edit]
  • Paragraph 1
    • Consider reorganizing paragraph.
      • Currently it is organized as such: (a) high ratio of capture in 1941 that declines but remains lower than German, (b) Russians capture in encirclement, (c) Number of soviet soldiers decline after 1941. This starts by comparing 1941 capture rates, then describes overall capture rates with caveat that they declined, then gives way they were captured, then repeats that rates fell after 1941. Combining would merge points about decline, starting with 1941 and then explaining the change in capture rates later in the war.
      • Consider: starting (a) By mid-December 1941...surrounded, (b) "Three or four Soviet...killed" as the encirclements explain the high capture rate, (c) Ratio declines after the Battle of Moscow, but (d) remains higher than the German side.
      • (Minor comment) Consider reducing mention of 1941 in the paragraph, where it show up three times.
      • Side by side of current and alternative example linked here.
  • Paragraph 2
    • Consider deleting the sentence The behavior of Soviet soldiers...defect. Does this tell us something unique about Soviet soldiers? Isn't this true for soldiers in any army anywhere? If this is deleted, consider beginning the following sentence with "Soviet soldiers opposition to their government...defections., which"
  • Paragraph 3
    • Consider reorganizing paragraph
      • Currently two sentences of front-line troops (also whose troops need mentioned, the focus has been on Soviets for this section.) are separated by interlude on camps: (a) Soviets captured by frontline (b) sent to collection point (c) transit camp (d) transit camp closed (e) permanent camp (f) frontline takes their clothes, (g) wounded sometimes got care.
      • Consider starting: "Soviet soldiers in encirclements were usually captured by Axis front-line troops, who took them to a collection point. Sometimes, the prisoners were stripped of their winter clothing..." This would result in (a) Capture by frontline troops (b) Discussion of collection point to transit camp and permanent camp. (c) treatment of the wounded and sick.
    • (Minor comment) Consider rewording final sentence. "Most often" already implies "sometime", so why not just state: "Most often wounded and sick Red Army soldiers did not receive medical care."

Summary executions

  • Paragraph 1
    • Consider moving the final sentence The German military...points right after first sentence. The first sentence gives numbers, this sentence qualifies those numbers, as they weren't recorded. It also allows the paragraph to end with the idea that the shootings escalated violence.
  • Paragraph 2
    • On the first read, I found this paragraph a bit confusing.
      • Current structure: (a) Germans order encircled, captured Soviets to turn themselves in. (b) Prisoners not taken in these circumstance (c) Some soviet soldiers executed as partisans. (d) Some Soviet soldiers evade capture. This structure feels like it is almost contradicting itself because it deals with two issues, prisoners ordered to turn themselves in and soldiers evading capture. It can be read that the German orders weren't successful as few turned themselves in, yet soldiers were shot as partisans, some evaded capture even though in the paragraph they aren't being captured by asked to turn themselves in.
      • Consider how this rearrangement sounds: (a) Soldiers shot as partisans. (b) Soldiers ordered to turn themselves in. (c) Few did.
      • Side by side of current and alternative example linked here.
        • (a) Consider a variation of last sentence as first, topic sentence: "Thousands or ten of thousands ...as partisans"
        • (b) Followed by a merge of the last clause of sentence two with sentence one: "To prevent the growth...movement, the Supreme Command...(OKH)...ordered Red Army soldiers overtaken to present themselves...execution.".
        • (c) The third sentence Despite the order...circumstances strikes me as confusing. "Despite the order" implies few soldiers turned themselves in, "More often than not" implies soldiers were were more likely to turn themselves in, "circumstances" is plural, but the situation- being overtaken- is singular, prisoners is the subject-but the actual subject is bypassed soldiers who were ordered to become prisoners, but usually refused. Consider reworking this. Here's one suggestion: merging this with the last clause of the last sentence to something like: Despite this order, few soldiers turned themselves in; some evaded capture and returned to their families."
  • Paragraph 3
    • consider deleting as expected, isn't it implied? Remove the comma after expected as the following is not an independent clause.
    • Consider editing the section of female combatants to make it a bit clearer and to follow more seamlessly.
      • At first read, the lead "although" on the sentence on female soldiers initially reads as a qualification of the previous point on commissars, but it's a new topic.
      • Here's where the section may need clarity. It seems to read like this: (a) OKH says they defy gender expectation so treat them as prisoners of war. (b)other orders- whose?- called for them to be shot on sight. (c) Some units did not execute female combatants, but most died. Here's the issue I see: Most units shouldn't have based on the OKH directive, but some may have taken their own initiative unless "other orders" came from a higher level than OKH. This needs clarification.
      • (in Germany not needed, as there were camps in other countries like Poland).
      • Here's a possible suggestion addressing these points: "The OKH ordered female combatants in the Soviet army be treated as prisoners of war; but these female soldiers, who defied German gender expectations, were often shot on sight. few survived to reach prisoner-of-war camps."
Prisoner-of-war-camps
[edit]

Paragraph 1- No comments

Death marches

  • Paragraph 1
    • Consider reordering structure.
      • Current structure: (a) no rail cars (b) death marches, being shot and escaping (c) rail transport in open cattle wagons (d) additional death marches (e) total killed.
      • Here are the issues I see: The paragraph starts assuming the reader knows the topic and talks about train transport not being usually available, the marches, then back to train transport using open cattle cars when earlier it said train transport usually wasn't done, then it returns to death marches.
      • Consider (a) Start with description of the death marches, which is the topic. Maybe mention there were additional ones (b) Note that rail transportation wasn't usually available but when it was it was in open cattle cars that killed 20%. (c) total killed.
      • consider deleting typically on foot...areas, as "death march" implies "on foot"
      • Side by side of current and alternative example linked here.

Housing conditions

  • Paragraph 1
    • Consider reordering structure for clarity.
      • Here's the current structure I see: (a) lack of facilities and starvation (b) Germans systematically roll out housing (c) through winter, soldiers in open, unheated rooms, or burrows (c) poor housing and cold cause mass deaths (d) mass death eases situation. The idea that housing and barracks were systematically rolled out implies to the reader that housing was well done, but this is then contradicted in the following sentences that show it is inadequate.
      • Suggested reordering. (a) lack of facilities and starvation (b) Poor housing and cold cause of mass death: through winter, soldiers in open, unheated rooms, or burrows (d) Germans systematically roll out housing housing, but inadequate (e) math death eases situation. (f) death toll. This would start with the statements of the causes and the experience of Russian soldiers, then address the inadequacy of the German response that was only solved by mass death.
      • Side by side of current and alternative example linked here.
  • Paragraph 2
    • one minor suggestion: consider replacing "the" with "recaptured" in escape, the prisoners...camp as the previous sentence refers to prisoners that successfully made it to Switzerland.

Hunger and mass deaths

  • No comments

Release

  • No comments

Selective killings

  • Paragraph 1- No comments
  • Paragraph 2
    • Consider this reordering. Follow Those unable...die. with Disabled soldiers...approached. End with "Sometimes mass executions were conducted without a clear rationale." This has the strength of putting "unable to work" and "disabled" together, allowing unstated method of execution to be more easily inferred from the preceding "unable". It also ends the paragraph on the idea that many of the mass executions were senseless.
  • Paragraph 3
    • Consider swapping the order of these sentences: As the war progressed...executions and After March 1944...escape this would put the Mauthausen killing next to the other camp systems, and make the issue of curtailment a kind of final statement before the tally statement.
    • Consider rewording After March 1944...escape. If the prisoners escaped, how were they killed? If they escaped, what does an attempted escape have to do with them. So based on context, I'd suggest one of the two rewordings: "Around 5,000 Soviet officers and non-commissioned officers recaptured after an attempted mass escape in March 1944 were killed at Mauthausen." or "Around 5,000 Soviet officers and non-commissioned officers implicated in a mass escape attempt in March 1944 were killed at Mauthausen.", depending on whether only the escapees were killed or everyone suspected of taking part in the escape.
Auxiliaries in German service
[edit]
  • No comments
Forced Labor
[edit]

In the Soviet Union

  • Paragraph 1
    • Consider detaching and others died from the sentence Many prisoners ran away... and shifting it to the next sentence by semi-colon or colon to the following sentence, which illustrates the modes of death of forced-laborers.

Transfer to Nazi concentration camps

No comment

Deportation elsewhere

  • Paragraph 1- No comment
  • Paragraph 2
    • Consider deleting the "any" from any significant improvement. Then consider shortening Not all prisoners....disease to "Prisoners remained vulnerable to malnutrition and disease." The reason for these suggestions is as mentioned, real improvement is politically impossible. Thus, there's no reason to talk about benefits, which according to the previous sentence were nil.
    • (Comment) The clause at the end of the last sentence where many died seems to raise unneeded questions. Norway and the Channel Islands were relatively low conflict zones. Did they die by starvation working at these locations, were they executed by the Germans, the population, or Allied occupation forces? Maybe its best to just remove the clause?
Public perception
[edit]
  • Paragraph 1
    • Consider moving According to Secrity Service...reason. right after the first paragraph. The sentence ends for this reason", but the preceding sentence mentions Holocaust ignorance and the murder of prisoners first. Moving the sentence would make the paragraph progression clearer: (a) Soviets portrayed as monsters, (b) Many Germans wanted them killed because of this (c) Russians were being murdered early on.
    • Can the sentence Although many Germans claimed ignorance...deported be reworked? It seems out of context here. I do think a link to the German alleged ignorance of the Holocaust is important to put in this article, it doesn't seem to go here. The topic of the paragraph is the dehumanization and approved destruction of Soviet prisoners.
    • This sentence begins with mention of Holocaust denial, which is not a topic here, and follows up with the claim that many Soviet prisoners died before German Jews had been deported. This sentence would be more contextually appropriate if it were the last in the paragraph, and the clause Although...war, is deleted.
    • (Additional comment) If the above suggestion makes sense. I'm not sure I'd want to lose the Claimed German ignorance of the holocaust link. Could it go elsewhere in the article, or reworked so that it makes more contextual sense?
      • (later thought- brainstorming) Perhaps a final sentence to the effect that "Just as much of the German population claimed ignorance of the holocaust, they also claimed to be unaware of the treatment of Soviet prisoners of war." would work? Though something like this would need a citation.
  • Paragraph 2
    • This is fine as is, but consider rewording the first sentence to begin "Soviet propaganda ...as early as July 1941." This would make a cleaner contrast with the structure of the proceeding paragraph: Nazi propaganda and Soviet propaganda both being their own initial topic. As written, the initial flow, makes the reader think they are reading a continuation of the previous paragraph until they arrive at "Soviet propaganda" at the end.
End of the war
[edit]
  • Paragraph 1
    • Maybe the redundancy is a good thing in an article of this length, but weren't the deaths caused by late death marches already covered in Death marches? Could the information be consolidated? (Personally, I think removing the late death marches from Death marches and leaving it here.
  • Paragraphs 2, 3, & 4- No comments
Death toll
[edit]

No comments

  • (observation) Deaths in Norway is mentioned here where it seems to make more sense than in the end of forced labor, which put Norway together with the Channel islands. This seems to support that the clause where many died at the very end of Force labor isn't needed.
Legacy
[edit]

No comments

I'm done for now. This article represents an incredible amount of work. After having combed through this article, I very much appreciate the service it is doing in raising the awareness of further atrocities during WWII. Wtfiv (talk) 21:14, 27 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Buidhe, what's the state of play re responding to wtfiv's comments? Thanks. Gog the Mild (talk) 15:55, 3 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I am still trying to find time to do the needed prose improvement (t · c) buidhe 17:46, 3 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Support by Biruitorul

[edit]

From what I can see, this is a great article on a neglected topic. Nice variety of recent, quality sources, good use of images, clear layout. If I see any issues as I continue to work through the text, I will note them, but at a first pass, this looks like a worthy FAC candidate. — Biruitorul Talk 06:48, 27 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

One afterthought, given an ongoing controversy: given its contextual relevance, I’d like to see a brief mention of German atrocities committed against Polish prisoners of war retained here. — Biruitorul Talk 07:14, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]


Given the changes that have occurred during this FAC, the pending discussions on the talk page, and that discussion has stalled here, it's come time to archive this.

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Gog the Mild via FACBot (talk) 10 November 2024 [19].

Rain (Madonna song)

[edit]
Nominator(s): Christian (talk) 21:37, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about one of Madonna's most underrated -and my personal favorite- ballad. It's also included on one of her most underrated studio albums (again, one of my favorites). I have taken the previous information that was used on the GA nomination to expand it. I also looked for more relevant information. Christian (talk) 21:37, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I had missed that. Thank you MaranoFan. Sorry Chrishm21, you can - with limited exceptions - only have one FAC open at a time, so I am archiving this for now. Gog the Mild (talk) 18:10, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 10 November 2024 [20].

2001: A Space Odyssey

[edit]
Nominator(s): Ægc's friendly xbox alt (talk) 05:34, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about the eponymous 1968 science fiction film, now widely regarded as one of the greatest films of all time. The actual article is very high quality (namely being both GA-Class and a vital article). Ægc's friendly xbox alt (talk) 05:34, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose and suggest withdrawal The nominator (including alts) has a minuscule contribution to the article, and has not posted on the talk page about nominating or talked to any of the editors who have more authorship. You appear to be a new editor, so no hard feelings - but bringing an article to FAC is usually done when you are one of the primary contributors to an article.

This article certainly is close to the FA standard - hence why there have been some similar drive-by FA nominations in the past - but the prose still isn't quite there. It's also unclear why the articles in "Further Reading" haven't been integrated. This would require a fair bit of work by a dedicated editor or group of editors before it comes back to FAC. Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 06:00, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hmm... I smell passive aggression. Not that you scare me anyway. Ægc's friendly xbox alt (talk) 09:33, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose per the above. The prose isn't of high enough standard to bring to FAC. (And being a vital article is no indication of it being "very high quality") - SchroCat (talk) 06:30, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 10 November 2024 [21].

SPARS

[edit]
Nominator(s): Pendright (talk) 21:18, 6 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The United States Coast Gurad Women's Reserve–SPARs–is about the women who served in the U.S. military during World War II. SPARs was created by the U.S Congress, and it authorized the USCG to replace male officers and enlisted men with women at shore stations. Working with the top-secret LORAN project was its most unique assignment. LORAN was a land-based radio navigation system developed to monitor locations of ships at sea and aircraft in flight. Monitoring stations were able to calculate a ship's exact location by measuring the amount of time each signal took to reach a ship. Chatham, Massachusetts, was staffed by SPARs and was believed to be the only all-female staffed monitoring station of its kind in the world. The article was promoted to A-Class in October 2024. Pendright (talk) 21:18, 6 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose. Unfortunately I don't think this is ready, and I think it'll take significant effort to get it there. Some specific concerns:

  • Structure. There's a bunch of content about Stratton that doesn't really need to be here, there's a Notable People section that's a set of in-text citations, and there's a "Women of the SPARs" section that is... I'm not really sure what it's meant to contain?
"To oppose a nomination, write *Object or *Oppose, followed by your reason(s). Each objection must provide a specific rationale that can be addressed." Pendright (talk) 02:54, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Some of the paraphrasing seems to be too close to the original sources. Compare for example "Within weeks of her arrival, however, she received a telegram from the Bureau of Naval Personnel to report posthaste to Washington D.C. Once there, Stratton was ushered to the Coast Guard headquarters. She was informed about legislation pending in the U.S. Congress to form a USCG Women's Reserve, and further informed that she had been recommended to become its first director." with "I had only been there for a couple of weeks when I received a telegram from the Bureau of Naval Personnel telling me to report to Washington as soon as possible. Upon arrival at BuPers, I was whisked off to the Coast Guard’s headquarters ... I was told that there was legislation pending to create a women’s reserve in the Coast Guard, and I had been recommended to become the first head", or "Congress enacted legislation ending the Women's Volunteer Reserve and allowing women to be officially integrated into active duty or the reserve. Following the change, those enlisted female reservists then serving on active duty were given the choice of enlisting in the regular USCG or completing their reserve enlistments" vs "Congressional legislation ended the Women's Reserve and women were first officially integrated into the active-duty Coast Guard and the Coast Guard Reserve. Female reservists then serving on active duty were given the choice of enlisting in the regular Coast Guard or completing their reserve enlistments". (The latter is a PD source so direct copying is permissible but would need to be properly attributed).
I'll change the items mentioned for your approval. Pendright (talk) 02:54, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sourcing. The article relies quite heavily on non-independent sources, and there appears to be independent literature available but not cited
Name the literatur and where it resides. Pendright (talk) 02:54, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • The article would benefit from a thorough copy-editing, particularly with an eye to non-specialist readers
The article was copy-edited in March 2024. Pendright (talk) 02:54, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
"To oppose a nomination, write *Object or *Oppose, followed by your reason(s). Each objection must provide a specific rationale that can be addressed." Pendright (talk) 02:54, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I look forward to your reply. Pendright (talk) 02:54, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I'm butting in here, as I don't intend to review, but I'm not sure that copy-pasting the directions for how to oppose – twice – is the best tack to take when responding to an oppose from an experienced FAC contributor. Especially when a quite specific rationale has been provided. ♠PMC♠ (talk) 21:50, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose per Nikkimaria, and the specific reasons given in her review. Close paraphrasing is a ship-sinker on its own, but there are also serious concerns throughout about MoS, relevance and structure. These can be addressed by reading the MoS carefully and ensuring that the article complies with it on all points, by ensuring that all of the material is relevant and important to a general reader of an encyclopaedic, rather than specialist, article, and by establishing a logical and coherent structure. To help with the latter, you may wish to consult other Featured Articles on military units to see how they handle the same questions.
I note from above that the article has already been copyedited, which may be so, but it is visible that it has not been copy-edited to FAC standards. That is no slight on whoever did that work -- FA writing is difficult! -- but does perhaps speak to a gap between the level of expertise required to get it through this process and the experience of those who have thus far been involved in its creation. It might be wise to seek out one of the many experienced MilHist FA writers as a mentor.
I would also note, per the part of the FA standards the nominator has (repeatedly) copy-pasted above, FA reviewers are required to provide actionable objections. They are not required to provide a step-by-step guide to meeting those objections. "The article does not a sufficient range of the sources available" is actionable: the nominator needs to go and look for those sources. It's entirely reasonable to ask for further clarification, but a reviewer is certainly not required to provide a reading list. Likewise, a reviewer is not required to point out every deficiency in MoS, spelling and grammar (and, to avoid doubt, there are several of those throughout): indeed, it is often held that to do so is actively unhelpful where serious concerns exist. UndercoverClassicist T·C 10:04, 9 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I withdraw the nomination and request that it be archived as soon as possible. Pendright (talk) 17:31, 9 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@FAC coordinators: See the nom's withdrawal request above. - SchroCat (talk) 06:32, 10 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Gog the Mild via FACBot (talk) 4 November 2024 [22].

Tumor necrosis factor

[edit]
Nominator(s): AdeptLearner123 (talk) 05:40, 8 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about a chemical messenger that mediates the immune system and is a key factor in several autoinflammatory conditions. This article passed GAR a few days ago, so I am now nominating it for FA status.

AdeptLearner123 (talk) 05:40, 8 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

[edit]
  • Suggest adding alt text
  • All images past the lead should be scaled up
Done, lmk if the images should be scaled up more, and if the references are valid. AdeptLearner123 (talk) 19:26, 12 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Ajpolino

[edit]

Hi AdeptLearner123, welcome to FAC. I'm glad to see you're interested in continuing to improve this article. I'll work my way through the article and try to summarize feedback below. Right now I think the article needs quite a bit of work to meet the FA criteria, which are a higher bar than the GA criteria. Unfortunately we don't get many molecular biology FACs; in fact I can't recall one in the several years I've had a lazy eye on FAC (though someone cleaned up PfEMP1 for WikiJournal of Medicine in 2017, so perhaps that's a decent model to consider). I'm still going through the article, and of course you're most welcome to ignore me, but my suggestion would be to withdraw the nomination and start a WP:Peer review to try to solicit more feedback on improving the article to the FA standard. At the same time, keeping an eye on – and participating in – the FAC process will help you move through the process yourself. Alright comments below, separated by FA criterion. All are suggestions, rather than demands.

First-round of commentary

1c. Well researched - Sourced to high-quality, reliable sources

  • History - We try to build our articles from secondary sources (i.e. we are volunteer non-experts summarizing experts who are summarizing the literature). You may be used to writing academic science articles where the goal is slightly different (there your name/institution/reputation establishes you as the expert, and you wield your expertise to summarize a topic). So instead of summarizing key papers and citing those papers, find reviews on the history of TNF and summarize those. That way the established experts are guiding us as to which moments in history are important, rather than the reader trusting that a Wikipedia editor has curated the history appropriately. You might find Help:Wikipedia editing for medical experts a useful skim.
  • History#Isolation - "When TNF was ... weight of 45,000 kDa" I'm not a biochemist, but I think the distinction in the paper is that in the first case they denatured what came off the HPLC column with SDS PAGE (and so you get the monomer). In the second they used non-denaturing conditions (and so you get the trimer). If I had to summarize reverse phase HPLC in a few words (which no one would trust me to do) I'd say "which separates molecules by their hydrophobicity". Your summary "which breaks proteins into constituent molecules" would be my short summary of tandem mass spectrometry.
  • The publisher MDPI has a checkered reputation, and is often (though not always) a place authors will publish if they lack the results, prestige, or mainstream acceptance to publish elsewhere. Since our goal is to summarize the best sources available, we often avoid MDPI journals, or at least carefully consider why each adds irreplaceable and reliable information to the article. You cite three articles in International Journal of Molecule Science.
  • Ditto Frontiers Media journals, though my personal opinion is that folks are less wary of Frontiers journals than MDPI journals.

1a. Well-written, "Prose is engaging..."

  • Lead - I'm not sure if "mediates the immune system" will have much meaning to most readers. Could we clarify to something like "... messenger produced by immune cells that induces inflammation."
  • Lead - "target receptors" not sure target contributes any meaning.
  • Lead - Is there a difference between "immunocytokines" and "cytokines" (which this redirects to)?
  • Lead - "without dependence on the synthesis of other proteins." I'm not sure this distinction needs to be in the lead.
  • Lead - "include... [list]... among others" is redundant.
  • Lead - "TNF plays a role... such as contributing to..." the grammar is a bit weird. "Roles... such as..."? Or if that's the only non-immune role you can just drop the "such as".
  • Lead - "Excessive production of TNF is a key factor in inflammatory disorders..." you already told us this at the end of paragraph 1.
  • Lead - "Due to the important and complex role of TNF in the immune system..." you can probably cut that. We know it from the rest of the section. Reads as editorializing.
  • History#Isolation - "with the protein-rich segments identified by their absorption of 280nm light." this seems an unimportant detail. That's just how protein chromatography works.
  • History#Isolation - I think the experimental detail in this section could be trimmed a bit without losing the thread of the TNF story (e.g. do we care that they used a 42 bp probe?)
  • History#Physiological - "June 1981" it reads odd to mark every discovery with just a year, except for this one which gets a month. Do we care that this discovery was in June?
  • History#Physiological - "The accumulating evidence...cancer treatment" reads as editorializing, and comes as a surprise since it seems poorly related to the rest of the section (which is a walk through history).
  • In general, the history section is a choppy read. "In year X, this happened. In year Y, this happened. Etc." And the steps back in time for each subsection are a bit unnatural. It would be great if the section could run chronologically instead, as is typical for histories. That said, I appreciate that there are several semi-overlapping lines of research; so perhaps a chronological story isn't possible.
  • Gene#Expression - "TNF is denoted as TNFSF2 in the tumor necrosis factor superfamily" what does this have to do with gene expression?
  • Gene#Enhanceosome - "The composition... compatible binding site" This feels like unnecessary detail.
  • Gene#Enhanceosome - "The CRE and ... and transcription machinery." I don't really follow the distinction you're drawing here between core and anchor complexes. Is this a common concept in gene regulation?
  • Gene#Other - "The transcription factor NF-κB ...to the promoter" seems to have more detail than is necessary for the TNF story.
  • Gene#Regulation - "Several studies... Other studies" is WP:WEASEL WORDS, or maybe just scientist speak. You could start every sentence in the article with "Some studies have shown..."
  • Gene#Regulation - "have also been found to regulate" = "also regulate" The latter is shorter and clearer writing.
  • Evolution - maybe this is personal preference, but I think Evolution could be elevated to a full-blown section. The material really relates to TNF as a whole, moreso than the rest of the Gene section.
  • Protein - I think the beginning of this section could be written more clearly. E.g. you tell us it's a type 2 TM protein with no definition. Then a few sentences later you define the orientation. Might be clearer to just give us the orientation and save the jargon. It doesn't need to be readable to a full layperson, but it should still be readable and interesting to a university student studying biology.
  • Protein#Transmembrane form - "N-terminal is... C-terminal is" unless this is a regional thing, the grammar isn't quite right here. You could say "N-terminus is..." or "N-terminal end..."
  • Protein#Soluble form - The prose here is sufficiently boring that I thought "Gee, I bet a crystallographer wrote this" and sure enough the text is lifted in places from the cited paper. The sentences/fragments are similar enough to the copyrighted text that I think it's a problem:
    • "similar to the "jelly-roll" structural motif of viral coat proteins" vs the source "similarity to the "jelly-roll" structural motif characteristic of viral coat proteins"
    • "The upper β-sheet consists of three long β-strands supplemented with a loop of two additional β-strands, while the bottom β-sheet consists of five β-strands of steadily decreasing length. The middle β-strand of the bottom β-sheet contains the last 9 residues of the C-terminal, locking it into position." vs. the source "The upper sheet (sheet 1) is kinked with three long strands supplemented... by a loop of two additional strands. The lower sheet (sheet 2) comprises five strands of steadily decreasing length. The middle strand of this sheet consists of the last 9 C-terminal resides."
  • "the inner surface" I was momentarily confused thinking this meant the core of a monomer, and was surprised. I see now instead "inner surface" means the monomer surface that touches the other two monomers in the trimer. Maybe you could word it more clearly. "Inner surface" sounds almost oxymoronic.

Continuing, just have to step away from the computer for a bit! Stay tuned. Ajpolino (talk) 20:44, 9 October 2024 (UTC) I'm going to stop here for now, and stick to my recommendation above. If you're interested in further improving this article to the FA standard (which I recommend! It's rewarding!) and would like further feedback, please let me know and I'm happy to help. All the best, Ajpolino (talk) 19:47, 11 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the comprehensive feedback! I have rewritten the history section using secondary sources, which omit experimental details. I noticed that the referenced article, Plasmodium_falciparum_erythrocyte_membrane_protein_1, cites primary sources and includes experimental details in its Discovery section. As such, I'm confused what is the proper scope of a protein history section. Any guidance around this would be appreciated! AdeptLearner123 (talk) 01:33, 13 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I've revised the Gene and Protein sections. Let me know how it looks now, and if anything else should be changed. I'm also wondering if the Function section contains too many details about cell signaling that should be moved to the TNFR1/TNFR2 pages. AdeptLearner123 (talk) 07:35, 13 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Great! Will take another look. Beginning presently. Will wrap it up asap.

1c. Well-researched

  • Evolution - "before the Agnatha and Gnathostomata split" any chance the source gives some sense of when this was?
  • Evolution - "This ancestor gene was dropped from the Agnatha ancestor but persisted in the Gnathostomata ancestor" - I'm not well-versed in evolution things, but at a glance it looks like the paper is suggesting there are TNF family members in Agnatha, and several (nine in Fig. 3) TNF superfamily members. Also "this ancestor gene" it looks like they're proposing a bunch in the vertebrate ancestor. The OG TNF gene would be somewhere way above this.

1a. Well-written

  • Lead - "TNF also contributes to homeostasis in the central nervous system" is there anything more specific we can say here? This is kind of like saying "it does some stuff in the brain".
  • Function - I feel this section gets so focused on the details of how TNF signals that we miss the bigger picture of what TNF does and why. Think about what the main messages you want someone to get out of a TNF Function section are, and make sure the material is organized in a way to make those clear. I'd suggest the main messages are something like (in order of importance) (1) immune cells make TNF in response to signals of infection/damage, (2) TNF is an inflammatory signal; it activates other immune cells, (3) it does this by a signaling pathway that leads to NF-kB et al., (4) if a pathogen blocks elements of the pathway, the immune cell kills itself to release inflammation-triggering molecules... I don't know anything about the reverse signaling, the CNS role, or the reason that non-immune cells express and signal through TNFR2 so you'll have to sort out how those fit into the overall story. At a minimum I'd suggest moving the "Immune response" subsection to the top of the section. I'd gently suggest reorganizing the section by function rather than TNF receptor, but I'm not super confident on that. Within the current text, some trimming and clarifying is probably in order, but I suggest you deal with the bigger changes first.

Nitpicks:

  • Lead - "by the immune system that induces inflammation" is it fair to say "by immune cells to induce inflammation"? I think it slightly snappier and more precise.
  • Lead - "assemble together" redundant
  • Lead - "effectively treated" the adverb isn't carrying its weight ("can be treated" implies "effectively")
  • History - "Studies on recombinant TNF confirmed the anticancer potential of TNF" a bit redundant, maybe "Studies... confirmed its anticancer potential"?
  • Evolution - "believed to be descended" science-speak filler words. you could write "believed to be" before every fact in an article.
  • Protein - "Remarkably" is best avoided as editorializing (see MOS:EDITORIAL).
  • Protein - "Small molecules... present a potential mechanism for inhibiting TNF." seems speculative for the Protein section. Maybe this would be better in a Research section (or cut)?

Made it through Protein. Will make it through everything by the weekend's end. Ajpolino (talk) 21:42, 25 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Evolution - Doesn't look like the source gives a time for when the split occurred. TNF is one of many proteins in the TNF superfamily. The ancestor gene referred to is the TNF/lymphotoxin gene (TNFSF1/2). In Figure 3 of the source, the 1/2 gene is present in the vertebrata ancestor, and then deleted in the agnatha ancestor. AdeptLearner123 (talk) 03:34, 30 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Function - I'm thinking that the specific cell signaling pathways should be moved to the articles specific for those TNF receptors, whereas the TNF article can just summarize each receptor. What do you think? AdeptLearner123 (talk) 02:40, 1 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Draken Bowser

[edit]

My pre-clinical knowledge is in a state of decline, so I had "the professor" take a look, which generated some of the following suggestions:

  • binding to its receptors on other cells. - suggest spelling out "TNF receptors" and wikilinking.
  • and TNF-blocking drugs are often employed to treat these diseases. - I think it's a little early in the lead to start talking about applications and suggest we leave this to the final paragraph.
  • endotoxin shock - isn't it usually endotoxic? And suggest wikilinking.
  • This led to the approval of the first anti-TNF therapy for rheumatoid arthritis in 1998. - I think we should name infliximab (and etanercept?) here.
  • stimulated in macrophages by antigens. - suggest "antigen exposure" alt. "exposure to antigens".
  • Consider inverting TNF is produced rapidly |in response to many stimuli <> by multiple cell types|.
  • Suggest adding a sentence early in the "protein"-section clarifying that TNF is synthesized in the ER.
  • reverse signaler - doesn't appear anywhere on the web outside this article.
  • OVLT - suggest using the full term in lieu of the abbreviation.

That's it for the first pass. Regards. Draken Bowser (talk) 14:54, 20 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

WikiOriginal-9

[edit]

This article had 79 references before the recent edits. Now it only has 40. Is this even an improvement? The article is shorter now. AdeptLearner123 also cut down Crohn's disease from 257 references to only 45. ~WikiOriginal-9~ (talk) 03:17, 4 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Coordinator note

[edit]

This has been open for well over three weeks and has yet to pick up a support. It also has unaddressed reviewer comments nearly two weeks old. Unless all reviewer comments are addressed within the next 48 hours and it attracts considerable movement towards a consensus to promote over the next three or four days I am afraid that it is liable to be archived. Gog the Mild (talk) 16:18, 2 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Four weeks in and no movement towards a consensus to promote, so I am timing this out. The usual two-week hiatus regarding further FAC nominations will apply. Gog the Mild (talk) 19:13, 4 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Gog the Mild via FACBot (talk) 4 November 2024 [23].

The Sims 4

[edit]
Nominator(s): TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 16:24, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about the 2014 social simulation game The Sims 4. Initially released to mixed reception due to its limited variety of content and gameplay features, the game has since been significantly expanded upon by its developer Maxis, who has continued to support the game via free updates and many many DLC add-ons (thanks EA!). The game differentiates itself from previous entries in the series in several ways, such as: its stronger representations of gender identities and sexual orientations, fully-featured versions of the game on consoles, built-in online features (thankfully optional, unlike Maxis' SimCity, at launch), and being free-to-play from 2022 onwards.

This article achieved GA status in November 2022, after its third nomination (That was my fault, oops! I was a way more inexperienced editor back then.), and I have done a lot of work to the article to make it happen, including basically re-writing the whole thing. It's my first time attempting an FAC, so I am receptive to feedback and changes (including major ones, if necessary), but I do believe that the article has reached a point where it qualifies for FA status. Thank you in advance! TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 16:24, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Vacant0

[edit]

Welcome to FAC! I'll have a look and review this. Vacant0 (talk • contribs) 12:05, 17 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  • Ref 114: Change title to "The Sims 4 Review", add website: The Escapist
  • Add the website for Ref 117, 122
  • Ref 143: Change VGC to Video Games Chronicle
  • Try to find a replacement for Ref 158 (Dexerto)
@Vacant0: Done. TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 15:58, 19 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Please mention the EU/AU and UK release dates in the prose.
  • Remove references for release dates in the infobox.
@Vacant0: Done. TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 17:29, 19 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I'll have a look at some parts of the prose this week. Vacant0 (talk • contribs) 12:11, 30 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

  • Wikilink the first mentions of macOS and Windows in the Gameplay section.
  • "The newborn and infant life stages were introduced to the game in a 2023 update, and replace the baby life stage." → "The baby life stage was replaced by newborn and infant life stages in a 2023 update."
  • "A new feature introduced in The Sims 4, is the ability to resize" – remove the comma
  • "When constructing a building, buildings can have multiple floors" → "Buildings can be constructed with multiple floors."
  • I did not notice any major issues in the rest of the Gameplay section. Everything looked understandable and clear.
  • No issues spotted in Development.
  • "A free playable demo of the Create-a-Sim feature was made available for download on August 12, 2014" – on which platforms?
  • No issues were spotted in Release and marketing.
  • In Missing features controversy, change "AI" to "artificial intelligence". Add the abbreviation AI in parenthesis if it's mentioned further in the article.
  • I'm curious, but was there any reception regarding the soundtrack?

Another thing, @TenthAvenueFreezeOut:. Considering that this is your first nomination, FACs need to be assessed by several reviewers in order to get promoted. This also includes source and image reviews. It's soon gonna be a month since you've nominated this article for FAC, and so far, I've been the only one who left a review. So as a recommendation, you should follow the advice at §How to get the best from the process or simply ask WP:VG FAC editors to leave a review. Cheers and good luck, Vacant0 (talk • contribs) 15:18, 9 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I’ve made the above changes. Thank you for your feedback so far! TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 12:17, 17 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I'll take another look at the article tomorrow. Vacant0 (talk • contribs) 19:14, 17 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Support Did not spot any further issues. Vacant0 (talk • contribs) 21:44, 18 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Coordinator note

[edit]

This has been open for more than four weeks and has yet to pick up a support. Unless it attracts considerable movement towards a consensus to promote over the next three or four days I am afraid that it is liable to be archived. Gog the Mild (talk) 12:17, 16 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry for the delay. I’ll get to working on this within the next two weeks! I’m still committed to working on the FAC. TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 17:47, 16 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
This isn't your fault @TenthAvenueFreezeOut! Gog let's you know about this out of formality. It's possible for FACs to close simply due to a lack of user reviews, unfortunately. Panini! • 🥪 13:24, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I understand, thank you! TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 17:27, 24 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Review from Hurricanehink

[edit]

Support - I figured I should since I have an open FAC with Hurricane Dennis. I've never played The Sims 4, just the first three, so I'm curious about the read.

  • "The game was released in North America on September 2, 2014, for Windows" - odd to specify the release of North America, but not mention the rest of the world in the lead. And I get it, Europe/Japan was two days later, followed by the UK, so North America was the release to the world. But it was basically a worldwide release in September 2014. Also a nitpick, but you don't mention anywhere that the game was released in Japan, South Africa, or India, but that's available in ref 84.
  • "It is the fourth major title in The Sims series, following The Sims 3 (2009). " - there should probably be a mention of The Sims 3 original release date with a citation, since the 2009 bit isn't backed up anywhere.
  • Since you mention that it became free-to-play, is it worth mentioning how much the game cost at release?
  • "Sims primarily make money by getting a job, and Sims need to develop skills for jobs; for example, Sims in the Culinary career track need to be proficient in the Cooking and Mixology skills." - I get that it's called the Sims, but could you find a way of saying "Sims" just once this sentence?
  • "Paid downloadable content (DLC) packs expand the number of features, objects, worlds, and gameplay options available to play with." - the ending "available to play with" seems clunky, and would work fine ending at "options".
  • "where individual Sims and families can be created and placed in the game world" - here is another example where I think you're saying "Sim" too many times, and just saying "where individuals can be created and placed". I mention that because you can also create two sims at the same time in Create-a-Sim and have them as roommates but not related, so it's not just necessarily families.
  • "A new feature introduced in The Sims 4, is the ability to resize, move and duplicate entire rooms and buildings, along with all objects placed within the room or building." - should this be in new gameplay features?
  • "A Sims-themed gaming headset, mouse, and "Plumbob" USB light designed by SteelSeries were released alongside the game's launch in 2014" - I feel like just quoting Plumbob doesn't do it justice what that word means, and how iconic that symbol is to the series. Might wanna explain what that is, at least until there's an article for Plumbob at some point in the future.
  • "Content and feature updates continue to be developed for the game, as of 2024." - this might be a spot worth mentioning the upcoming expansion pack, since it's unsourced right now.

A pretty good read! Nothing major stood out to me, so it won't be much to get my support. Let me know if you have any questions about these comments. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 14:02, 16 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi! Thanks for the review.
  • According to WP:VG/DATE, release dates for non-English markets should not be included, since this game was developed and published in the US. I’ve changed the phrasing to simply reflect its earliest official release date.
  • Added in prose
  • Price probably isn’t necessary for the article (WP:NOTPRICE)
  • Done
  • Done
  • Done - changed it to “households”, which is the term used in the game.
  • It’s an enhancement of the Build Mode portion of the game (present in all Sims games), rather than a completely new feature.
  • An explanation of the “Plumbob” probably belongs in the The Sims article rather than here. (It is a good suggestion) I can’t currently find citations specifically discussing the Plumbob, so I’ll leave it as is for now.
  • I’ve added a relevant citation, though it’s not about the expansion pack.
TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 13:02, 17 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the quick replies, happy to support! ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 15:33, 17 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Panini!

[edit]

Leaving this here to lock myself into making sure I do it. Ping me if it takes me a while. Panini! • 🥪 03:17, 26 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

...Yeah it's taken me a while. I can complete a review tomorrow. Panini! • 🥪 03:29, 4 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

There's not much from me, save some few comprehensiveness concerns.

  • I've done some general edits of my own for time's sake.
  • "The Sims 4 topped the all-format video game chart in 2014" - Which chart?
  • I was going to comment that you should link Maxis in Development where it first appears, but upon my immediate publishing in between edits you changed this regardless. I was scratching my head wondering if I was crazy and if Maxis was ever the first word of Development the first place.
  • I had a general concern about the comprehensiveness of the Development section, but it doesn't seem like there's much to say in that regard after my own source hunting. I've added what I could find in the meantime.
  • Is it possible to generalize more of the critic reviews within the reception section? GameSpot discusses visual design, and PCGamesN the depth, but I'm certain the critics have more overlap on subjects such as these. With being able to combine similar statements, something like "Critics praised the levels of depth", it can help break up the monotony of the "A said B" formula that most reception sections accidentally fall into. Once you have these generalized statements you can call on specific developers' insight, such as the ones that have unique phrasing or really specific compliments regarding a broad subject.
  • LGBT representation is a hot subject among social simulation games. Considering how so many reporters covered these inclusions in future updates, I recommend it's worth a mention in reception if there's any specific critic commentary within these update announcements.
  • Considering how this game is dominantly dependent on the people that play it (which is especially clear since looking through these sources, the players are very vocal about how this game is treated), are there any large audience praises/complaints that you can generalize into an "Audience response" subsection within Reception? I'm thinking something similar to The Last of Us Part II. Just general audience feedback about what they commonly enjoy about the game, and what they were vocal about; similar to the Missing features controversy but specifically for post-release commentary.

Panini! • 🥪 17:22, 4 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for taking the time to read through the article and add comments!
3. I noticed the coincidental timing too. :P I kinda edited what you added, if that's okay.
4. Yeah, there really isn't much that can be done about the Development section. There's some additional stuff that I wanted to add about the game's online multiplayer origins (Google "The Sims Olympus" for more info), but there isn't a single citable article that I could use, so it's been watered down to "a stronger focus on online functionalities".
5. This is already the generalized version of the Reception section, per "Reviewers criticized The Sims 4's missing gameplay features and content compared to previous titles, particularly The Sims 3's "Create-a-Style" color customization tool, open worlds, and gameplay elements from its expansion packs; reviewers also noted encountering frequent loading screens and occasional glitches" and "On the positive end, reviewers praised the game's improved graphical quality, intuitive Build mode and Create-a-Sim tools, the Sim emotion and multitasking systems in gameplay, and the Gallery feature", because the reviews almost always just repeat these points over and over again. Wish I could add more, but critic reviews only covered the release version of the game, or its expansion packs. I'll try to tweak that section a little more though. However, I can't further trim the "Reception" section, as it had already previously been criticized as short by other editors.
6 and 7. These are good suggestions! I'll try to add those in the future. TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 19:34, 4 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

  • Suggest adding alt text
  • File:Sims4CAS.png and File:Sims4_Room_BuildMode.png have largely identical FURs to each other and to the lead image. Generally speaking, the more non-free imagery is used, the stronger the rationale needed to justify each. Nikkimaria (talk) 23:15, 26 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Done! TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 16:54, 28 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Airship

[edit]
  • Prose is generally clunky. From the lead:
    • "The game was moved to a free-to-play model on October 18, 2022, monetized by the purchase of various paid downloadable content packs that have been developed since its release." This sentence faces a severe lack of clarity. Grammatically, it means that the game was monetized by whoever did the moving then purchasing various content packs—if you were to keep it in the passive voice, you'd need to say "selling" instead of "purchase". Then, we have the unnecessary date—just say October 2022 or 2022—and "that have been developed since its release", which says pretty much nothing.
    • "the new emotion and personality systems" the article should be removed, because you have not referred to it before.
    • "Development of The Sims 4 began as an online-focused title" does not make sense, what you actually mean is "The Sims 4 began development as an online-focused title"
    • "but plans were shifted to a single-player experience" again, unnecessary use of the passive voice, and what exactly does the word "experience" mean here? Sounds like something out of a brochure.
    • "In the months leading up to the game's release, Maxis revealed that several features present in prior The Sims main titles would be omitted at launch" in addition to being wordy, this omits what seems to be the main relevance—that the cuts were controversial and heavily criticised by the playerbase.
    • "the lack of content compared to prior The Sims titles...and missing features" the difference being?
    • "numerous paid downloadable content packs, namely seventeen expansion packs, twelve game packs, and several stuff packs and kits; expansion packs are the largest content packs" excessively wordy, you can probably cut everything before the first comma and after the semicolon, and add "larger" or "smaller" where necessary.
    • Why do the "free content updates" get details of what they include but not any of the expansions or game packs?
  • Lead needs work to match MOS:LEAD. Per MOS:OPEN, the first paragraph should define and identify the topic while providing context. Currently, the first and third sentences are good, but they are surrounded by sentences on release dates and pricing. Would suggest moving the latter information later in the lead, combining the second paragraph with the remainder of the first, and reorganising appropriately.
  • "The most recent expansion pack, The Sims 4: Life & Death, is set to be released on October 31, 2024." is likely WP:RECENTISM and should be removed.
  • Would expect worlds to be at least touched on in the lead, considering the frequency with which they come up in the body.
  • At a glance, much of the infobox, such as the directors, producers, designers, and artists, are uncited.
Such extensive problems before we reach the body does not bode well for the article, and a quick skim shows quite a few issues. Lack of clarity, such as how can you construct a lot? Slightly promotional tone in the downloadable content packs section, see e.g. "Explore ruins, uncover artifacts, and encounter challenges in a Latin American-inspired jungle world. Learn about local cultures and collect unique ingredients"
I'm going to note an oppose for this nomination; I would suggest working it over with the help of a copyeditor or an experienced video game writer before renominating. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 11:48, 29 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for the review :). I have generally addressed the above points mentioned. The lead for this article has been a little difficult to write, due to the open-ended scope of the game, and its many changes over the years. I hope it's clearer now, as of the latest article revision. If you're willing to further evaluate the article, I'm happy to cooperate. Also, I hope this citation for the credits is suitable, as I am not 100% sure how to cite game credits. TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 15:14, 30 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I've played Sims 4 often times, but got bored with it eventually. I'm gonna add that you also need to italicize game titles in the citation titles per MOS:CONFORMTITLE and possibly include some content like this one [24]? 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 05:18, 2 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Done @ the italicising game titles. I didn't add the link you requested, since there's already five other citations by Jess Lee in the article, and the section about Project Rene already has sufficient citations at the moment. But do let me know if I need to add more citations.
P.S. I do agree that it's easy to get bored with The Sims 4. Not my favourite in the series, I like Sims 2 a little more. TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 11:06, 2 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I don't like how "The Sims 4 received mixed reviews from critics upon its initial release, who praised the game's visual design, improved artificial intelligence simulation for Sims, and the simplified building tools, but lamented the lack of or missing content compared to prior The Sims titles, frequent loading screens, glitches." was written (also, I don't understand what the "online-focused title" is). Sadly, after reading the lead, I will oppose this nomination aswell. The length of this article will make it challenging, but take your time with it. 🍕BP!🍕 (🔔) 12:21, 3 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I've done some major copyediting to the article, including fixing the lead, and I rephrased the "online-focused" to "a stronger focus on online functionalities", but given the current discussion, I'll most likely withdraw the FAC anyway. Thank you for participating in the discussion! TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 18:41, 4 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
SC

Rather reluctantly I'm also going to oppose. Can I suggest you withdraw this and work on it a bit further before bringing it back. Issues include (and these are only examples, there are others):

  • "The game introduces a newly developed custom game engine": "introduced". (Although we should write about plots, characters in the present, the introduction of a game engine happened in the past
  • Link to game engine
  • "an online-focused title": what does this actually mean? I think I know what you're trying to say, but I'm not sure. Do you mean "an online game" instead?
  • "leading up to the game's release, Maxis revealed that several features present in prior The Sims main titles would be omitted at launch": as the game hadn't been released, do we need "at launch"?
  • "but lamented the lack of or missing content": leaving aside that "lamented" isn't terribly encyclopaedic, is there something missing here?
  • "expansion packs and twelve game packs, which are larger packs": any chance of a synonym for the final "pack" which explains what a "pack" is? (Not everyone plays computer games and the terminology doesn't always make sense to outsiders)

That's just the lead, and I could carry on in the same vein with the rest. It's not a bad article by any stretch—it's very good in many respects and in many places—but I think it needs a bit of a polish before it is reopened at FAC. Cheers – SchroCat (talk) 10:26, 3 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I've done some major copyediting to the article, including fixing the lead, and I rephrased the "online-focused" to "a stronger focus on online functionalities". I think I've resolved all the issues in the lead that you've mentioned. There's additional development history about the game's online multiplayer origins (Google "The Sims Olympus" for more info), but due to lack of citable sources, it's been reduced in the prose to "a stronger focus on online functionalities". Given the current discussion, I'll most likely withdraw the FAC anyway. Thank you so much for your participation! TenthAvenueFreezeOut (talk) 18:44, 4 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sadly it does not look as if a consensus to promote will be reached at this time, so I am going to archive this. The usual two-week hiatus re new FAC nominations will apply. The comments above look helpful and the nominator should be aware of GoCE and PR. I hope to see the article back here before too long. Gog the Mild (talk) 18:54, 4 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Featured_article_candidates/Archived_nominations/November_2024&oldid=1258477393"