Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Allen Walker/archive1
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 05:40, 30 October 2016 [1].
- Nominator(s): Tintor2 (talk) 17:38, 6 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
This article is about the D.Gray-man protagonist Allen Walker. I wish it to become a FA since the Wikipedia Project for Manga and Anime doesn't have one based a character. As a result, I based this article on the recent FA Lightning (Final Fantasy). The article has been copyedited twice and had two peer reviews. Regards. Tintor2 (talk) 17:38, 6 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Resolved comments from PresN
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Tintor asked me to serve as a mentor for this FAC through the new Mentoring project; given that the article has already been nominated, what I'm going to do is to review this nomination, and then go a step further and help out on solving any issues that come up.
So if we're going to rewrite the lead to flow better, it would work better as: Allen Walker (Japanese: アレン・ウォーカー, Hepburn: Aren Wōkā) is a fictional character who appears as the protagonist of the manga D.Gray-man by Katsura Hoshino. He is also the protagonist of its two anime adaptations: D.Gray-man and its sequel D.Gray-man Hallow, and has appeared in three light novels, two video games, and several crossover fighting video games. In the series, set in 19th-century Earth, Allen joins the Black Order as an Exorcist: a soldier able to use a mysterious object known as Innocence to fight demons known as Akuma. While the Innocence takes the form of a giant left arm initially, over time it takes new forms and gives him new abilities. Over the course of the ongoing series, Allen uses these powers to fight the Millennium Earl, who created the army of Akuma to destroy the world, and his super-human followers, the Noah Family. During his adventures, Allen learns he is connected to the Noah and might turn into one of them. Hoshino based Allen's character design on the shorter-haired female protagonist of a one-shot comic predecessor to the manga, Zone, named Robin. She designed Allen's clothing to resemble nineteenth-century outfits, and gave him a ribbon tie and other accessories to create a "gentlemanly image". She also gave him a scar in the shape of a pentagram to project a scary-looking image, and a calm demeanor different from her typical rambunctious and rude characters. Allen begins the series as a teenager, and matures throughout. Hoshino has stated she is pleased with Allen's character development as the manga's story has progressed. Allen has been very popular with D.Gray-man readers, usually ranking first in the series' popularity polls. Reactions to him have also been generally positive in manga and anime publications and other media. His character design has been highly praised, with critics noting characteristics atypical of a shōnen protagonist, such as his calm demeanor and mysterious origin. Several pieces of merchandise have been released with Allen's likeness, including plush dolls and figurines, as well as clothing and cosplay pieces.
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- Comments by Carbrera
- The image in the infobox needs an alt
- The image under "Reception#Popularity" needs an alt
- More to come Carbrera (talk) 23:44, 9 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Done. Thanks.Tintor2 (talk) 23:55, 9 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Image review and comments from ProtoDrake
- Image Review
- File:AllenWalkerVolume9Excerpt.jpg - Licensing and fair use all seem in order, I'd rank this a Pass.
- File:EarlyAllenWalkerDesigns.jpg - Once again, licensing and fair use, for both pages, are in order. Pass.
- As noted below, I have questions about File:Allen Walker cosplayer at 2010 NCCBF 2010-04-18 1.JPG, but in terms of licensing and free use, it's also a Pass.
- Comments
- Most of the comments I may have made on the lead have already been made above by PresN. But I would raise a different point: the use of "video games" twice in a single sentence grated slightly. You could cut out the second use's "video" and just link it to fighting game.
- Really not sure about the use of a cosplay image here.
- "Allen has also been popular with cosplayers.[26]" - Is there any specific cosplay group, or just a general favoring of the character?
- "She also liked his new abilities, the Innocence Crown Clown and his sword (which was compared with the ones from Final Fantasy VII), also received praise.[39]" - This sentence is disjointed, and needs fixing.
- May find more on a second run, but that's what leaped out at me. --ProtoDrake (talk) 08:45, 10 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- I tried addressing your points @ProtoDrake:. Thanks for the response.Tintor2 (talk) 14:16, 10 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- @Tintor2: I've had another look through. It looks like any other points I may have raised have already been raised by others. While I still have some reservations about the cosplay image, it's not a fatal flaw. I'll Support this article's promotion. --ProtoDrake (talk) 12:59, 11 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Resolved comments from Aoba47
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@Tintor2: I know there are a lot of comments, but you have done a fantastic job with this article. Once all of my above comments have been addressed, I will leave my final vote. It is great to see high quality manga articles on here. Good luck with this! Aoba47 (talk) 01:58, 11 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
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- Awesome work! I can now support this nomination. Good luck with getting this promoted. Aoba47 (talk) 18:11, 11 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Calling two users who were present in the second peer review to dig more comments @Garagepunk66: @Crazy runner:.Tintor2 (talk) 17:28, 11 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Also @Jaguar: since he reviewed the GA nomination.Tintor2 (talk) 15:10, 18 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Resolved comments from AngusWOOF
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I just had some comments upon reading this article:
@AngusWOOF: Tried to reword it. Nea makes brief appearances during early volumes especially when Allen plays the Noah's Ark piano. He had a body but before being killed, he transmitted his mind to Allen. According Nea himself, they used to be allies but when he saw a recording of Timcampy he said now they would enemies. However, their relationship is still a mystery now that especially since the manga is only published every three months.
Those are my first thoughts. I like the detail on the various sections. Let me know if you need me to explain further. AngusWOOF (bark • sniff) 20:25, 19 September 2016 (UTC)[reply] @AngusWOOF: Thanks for the review AngusWOOF. I tried covering everything you mentioned.Tintor2 (talk) 21:34, 19 September 2016 (UTC)[reply] Indented with further comments. AngusWOOF (bark • sniff) 03:13, 20 September 2016 (UTC)[reply] Thanks @AngusWOOF:. Already tried to fix all issues.Tintor2 (talk) 13:45, 20 September 2016 (UTC)[reply] Added a reply above. Also some more:
AngusWOOF (bark • sniff) 14:23, 20 September 2016 (UTC), add'l replies 14:40, 20 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
In the "In other media" section, Remove or fix up "As wells as video games," AngusWOOF (bark • sniff) 15:02, 22 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
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Issues have been addressed. I'm stamping it as a pass. AngusWOOF (bark • sniff) 15:03, 22 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Note that the magic word for the nominations viewer script is support. --PresN 15:08, 22 September 2016 (UTC), updated 20:18, 22 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry for coming to this late. I have read through the article and have concluded that the prose now flows much better than it did when I last read it during the GAN, and also everything else has been addressed thanks to other reviewers' input. I think this meets the FA criteria as it is and will support as a result. It's broadly well written, comprehensive, and all of the sources check out (though I only managed to look through the first half due to my poor internet connection at the moment). JAGUAR 14:22, 23 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Comments from RL0919
First, let me say I don't envy anyone trying to write a clear summary of the plot points from a speculative fiction series, which can be quite convoluted. Since I'm not familiar with the source material, most of my comments are questions.
- Lead: "His character design has been highly praised, ... . Still, some writers compared him with other series from the same demographic." The use of "Still" suggests a contrast between the two sentences, but if so that isn't clear. Was he compared negatively to other characters? I didn't get that impression from the Reception section.
- Changed. There is only one comparison in the DVDtalk review.
- Conception and creation: "The series' title, "D.Gray-man", is meant to have various meanings, most of them referring to the state of Allen and the other main characters." I'm not clear on what type(s) of "state" are being referenced here. Emotional? Physical? Ethical? I looked at the article about the manga, but it doesn't seem to clarify this point.
- The author never explained it. She didn't even state was the meaning of the "D".
- In other media: "As well as being in the manga and anime series, ..." The subsection above is titled "In D.Gray-man", which I initially took to mean it was a summary of the character's plotlines in the original manga. But this lead-in phrase makes me wonder if the earlier chronicle covers the anime also. Are the plots of the manga and anime sufficiently identical for that? If so, it should probably be stated explicitly. If not, it seems like a summary of his anime appearances is missing.
- The anime adds some filler but they have had no impact on the character's traits.
- Critical response: "The revelation that Allen was going to be become an enemy from the Order, the 14th Noah ..." Shouldn't that be "an enemy of the Order"?
- Characteristics: I found this section confusing until I read the Appearances section, because it contains various mentions of plot events that are explained more fully under Appearances. It might flow better to have Characteristics after Appearances.
- Moved.
I made some small copyedits directly; of course put them back if I messed up something. --RL0919 (talk) 00:20, 26 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- @RL0919: Thanks for the feedback. Already tried doing all your recommendations. Ping me again if I forgot something.Tintor2 (talk) 00:35, 26 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- @RL0919: I forgot to mention this but the characteristics section I based it on Ellie (The Last of Us)#Atrributes that was given as an example by another user in regards to how a FA could be made. Also, the first paragraph of Appearances shows the character's backstory. However, more parts about Allen's secret past are shown in later volumes of the series. Do you think's Allen backstory should be told in characteristics or would that be unnecessary?Tintor2 (talk) 14:40, 26 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- @Tintor2: As long as Characteristics comes later, I don't see a need to reprise. At this point I am willing to support with the caveat that it is based only on prose and layout. I spot-checked a few of the English sources, but a lot of the sources are in Japanese, so I can't cover that angle adequately. I assume the coordinators will want someone to speak to that before promoting. Two sourcing comments to help smooth your way with anyone who does:
- Book sources such as We Love Cosplay Girls should have page numbers supplied, even if you use a Google Books link. Those links are not reliable for all users because access varies by location and whatever other factors Google feels like using. The one for that book took me to a "no access" view.
- A couple of the items about merchandising are sourced to Amazon pages, I presume selling the indicated item. Since the only thing claimed is that such items have been sold, I guess that is acceptable, but only just. If there is a secondary source that mentions these items, that would be better.
- Since I'm not able to check most of the sources, I won't withhold my caveated support over either of these items. --RL0919 (talk) 03:49, 27 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- @RL0919: So you'll support me if I remove the url to that book? I'm a nit confused.Tintor2 (talk) 12:45, 27 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Already did support. I just can't claim to have done any significant consideration of the sources. (A source review request on the FAC talk page might help you there.) The final bullets are simply suggestions. --RL0919 (talk) 12:50, 27 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- @RL0919: Thanks for the review. I'll try to correct that.Tintor2 (talk) 13:03, 27 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- @RL0919: So you'll support me if I remove the url to that book? I'm a nit confused.Tintor2 (talk) 12:45, 27 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- @Tintor2: As long as Characteristics comes later, I don't see a need to reprise. At this point I am willing to support with the caveat that it is based only on prose and layout. I spot-checked a few of the English sources, but a lot of the sources are in Japanese, so I can't cover that angle adequately. I assume the coordinators will want someone to speak to that before promoting. Two sourcing comments to help smooth your way with anyone who does:
- Review by magiciandude
- Well now, looks like I've found another anime to add to my watchlist. I'll take a look and so expect a feedback sometime. Erick (talk) 16:25, 26 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"She also liked his new abilities, the Innocence "Crown Clown" and Allen's sword, comparing the latter to swords from the video game Final Fantasy VII." What does this mean? Now I am familiar with FF7 and all, but as a perspective of a reader who may not be, I think this should be just expanded a little bit.Erick (talk) 12:52, 29 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]- Does this work?. Also, this page became huge. Should we make subsections to make it easier to read? Cheers.Tintor2 (talk) 13:33, 29 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- So, is it referring to swords wielded by Cloud Strife or a specific sword (like the Buster Sword or Fusion Swords)? I think the change is good, but it just has to be a little bit more specific. Just a little bit. Erick (talk) 13:42, 29 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- @Magiciandude:Allen's sword looks more like Buster one. But still, wasn't it that the Fusion Swords only appeared in the movie Advent Children whereas the Buster one is his initial one in the gam?Tintor2 (talk) 13:57, 29 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Oh that's right. I forgot about. Anyways, I've crossed it out and I'll have another look at the article. As a side note, it is not necessary to ping me as I'm watching this page. Erick (talk) 14:05, 29 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- @Magiciandude:Allen's sword looks more like Buster one. But still, wasn't it that the Fusion Swords only appeared in the movie Advent Children whereas the Buster one is his initial one in the gam?Tintor2 (talk) 13:57, 29 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- The foreign-language sources should use the trans_title parameter to translate the name of the site being sourced. Erick (talk) 22:21, 30 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Done.Tintor2 (talk) 22:57, 30 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- @Magiciandude: Thanks. I'll try to address your concerns.Tintor2 (talk) 23:05, 26 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Alright, I now support this article. Good work! Erick (talk) 23:33, 30 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Comments from Hpesoj00
I didn't get around to peer reviewing the whole article, so I'll do it now.
- "he briefly starts turning into Nea across the series to the point Crown Clown's sword starts hurting himself" – This sentence is confusing. The word "briefly" contradicts "across the series", which suggests a long-term change.
- Changed to briefly. Across sounds like a long period of time.
- "he sends him to another location" – Who does "he" refer to? The Black Order? Not grammatical.
- Fixed. Allen sends him.
- "several other playable characters from Weekly Shōnen Jump manga magazine" – You then list a bunch of games. Do you mean playable characters from games featured in the magazine?
- No, those are games that collect characters from the magazine. I tried fixing it.
I made an edit to the article myself. Please check I didn't do anything silly. Hpesoj00 (talk) 19:27, 27 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- @Hpesoj00:, thanks for the copyedit edit too.Tintor2 (talk) 19:36, 27 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Today I'm a bit busy due to work, so I might not be able to address anybody's issues until evening.Tintor2 (talk) 14:35, 28 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Cas Liber
[edit]Will try to get to this today - might be a few hours though Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 22:12, 30 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Allen Walker joins the Black Order, a group of soldiers known as Exorcists.- are we describing an occupation, in which case "exorcists" should be lower case...?
- I reworded it a little. Apparently, both the manga and anime use capital letters for Exorcists.Tintor2 (talk) 22:57, 30 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Ok no probs Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 01:13, 1 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- I reworded it a little. Apparently, both the manga and anime use capital letters for Exorcists.Tintor2 (talk) 22:57, 30 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]
When comparing Allen to Robin, Hoshino notes that Allen is a "different kind of boy". - watch for repetitiveness, how about, "When comparing the two, Hoshino notes that Allen is a "different kind of boy"."
- Done.Tintor2 (talk) 12:23, 1 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Ok, support WRT comprehensiveness and prose. I can't see any prose clangers outstanding. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 10:56, 2 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Note
[edit]Source review from Jaguar
[edit]I'll spotcheck every source I can access, but if I can't translate a Japanese source then I'll be forced to skip it: JAGUAR 12:59, 11 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Ref 4 needs a publisher, and "animationinsider.net" should be in the website field. If "Animationinsider" is the publisher, then get rid of the ".net"
- Ref 22 also needs a publisher (if you can find it)
- Ref 34: IGN needs to be in the website field, and Ziff Davis as its publisher
- Ref 46 and 47's publishers need to be linked
- The manga volumes below the references should be split into two columns
I spent a while spotchecking every source to see if there were any errors in it matching the article's text, but there weren't any. I was also able to translate every source I came across. Since there are no issues with the sources and the points I made above are minor, I'll support the sourcing side of things. JAGUAR 13:07, 11 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- I managed to fix all the things you mentioned but I don't know to split the manga volumes references into two. Thanks for the review.Tintor2 (talk) 14:31, 11 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- I do! Done. --PresN 14:38, 11 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks.Tintor2 (talk) 14:48, 11 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- I do! Done. --PresN 14:38, 11 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Support Everything looks okay, thanks for the hard work! - Knowledgekid87 (talk) 01:59, 27 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- I think WikiProject Anime and Manga is long overdue for a new FA. Support. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 23:34, 29 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Closing comment
[edit]I see a few duplinks in the article; I won't hold up promotion over them but pls review -- this script highlights the duplicates. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 05:39, 30 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- Closing note: This candidate has been promoted, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FAC/ar, and leave the {{featured article candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through. Ian Rose (talk) 05:40, 30 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.