User talk:KStein91/sandbox/thirdedit

6/16/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright

DrMichaelWright (talk) 18:37, 16 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I do think you have some very meaningful things to add to an article that is already very high quality, but it clearly needs a lot of work before you add any of it.

Points: 34/40
Grade: 85%

Spelling/Grammar

Does not meet standard.

Re: "As reported by Arcadis, 2018 Sustainable Cities Index..." Since Arcadis is not a reporter, I would phrase this as such: "According to the 2018 'Sustainable Cities Index by Arcadis,..."
"... the worlds most sustainable city..." world's
"...London was ranked to be the worlds most sustainable city. This is due to their...." The tense should match. In this case, change the 'is' to 'was'.
"...London started this journey..." 'began' sounds better.
"London become a city that has implemented..." Another verb tense conflict, as well as conjugation error. Change 'become' to 'has become'.
"...this is Blackfriars Station, it has solar panels..." comma splice.
"...sustainable building, however solar..." another comma splice.
I am giving up on further spelling/grammar commentary. Suffice to say: this needs work.

Language

Meets standard.

Organization

Nearly meets standard.

"There has been a move toward creating not only a sustainable city in terms of transportation and urban planning but also in food management." Does this appear somewhere after sustainable transport has been mentioned? There may also be a more encyclopedic way to start this off. Furthermore, most of the text of this paragraph is about food management without being about London. It needs to all be about London, letting just a link to the concept serve as an explanation of what food management is.
Why is there bold text London's Food Strategy after a single hard return after the second sustainable food paragraph? If that's supposed to be a header, then make it a header. Also, don't put a citation after a header.
The three headers of the different cuisines all have '...in London' in them, which is redundant on the London page.
The paragraph about Traditional Cuisine in London should be much more fleshy than a statement about one person's one book, especially when that one book is not specifically about cuisine in London. Also, it might be best to have 'English' cuisine, rather than 'traditional', given that there are many traditional cuisines in London. Now, if there's something that's very specific to just London, then that's another matter.
Since Bangladesh is the Eastern Muslim part of Bengal - which used to all be in the British Empire - I wonder if it would not be more meaningful to refer to Bengali cuisine, of which Bangladeshi cuisine is a sub-type. Then there is also the case that imported cuisines take on some characteristics of the place into which they have been imported, and so saying that Bengali/Bangladeshi cuisine in London is the same as in Bengal, or even elsewhere in England (where ingredients will be harder to find than in London proper) is probably also mistaken - see Anglo-Indian cuisine, though that page also needs a lot of development. (Just for you to think about - not necessarily to worry about, regarding this project.) Your source, Pottier, also makes the point how these cuisines are both diverse and amalgamated across regional styles.

Coding

Meets standard.

I like your use of see-also links.
Unless you mean a different organization Arcadis has an article, and ought to have been wikilinked.
Blackfriars Station, Bloomberg London, Growing Underground, Milan should all be wikilinked.

Validity

Meets standard.

Completion

Meets standard.

Relevance

Nearly meets standard.

There's good stuff here, but please consider the following:
The inclusion of Brazilian cuisine really begs out for many more such paragraphs, since Brazilians will be very far down the list of prevalent immigrant communities, and thus cuisines. It would be odd to have Brazilian, but not Pakistani, West African/Caribbean, or Arab cuisines, given that there are many, many more of them than there are Brazilians.
Why are you talking about an event in Milan in an article about London? Yes, there were some UK reps there - but that does not mean that London as a whole showed up.

Sources

Nearly meets standard.

You MUST NOT CITE Wikipedia itself.
The Cohen & Ilieva article seems to be about New York City rather than London.

Citations

Nearly meets standard.

Occasional space before citation notes.
Occasional placement of citation notes before the punctuation.
Don't put citations on headers.

References

Meets standard.

The Pottier reference does not include the full title of the article.