After having suffered through several years of internal turmoil and frustration, I now feel at peace with myself after getting myself to admit certain things and submit to radical changes in my personal sphere.
As I rectify my past mistakes I will keep updated posts on this page to document my path back to society, as it were, and essentially think out loud about my intentions and how my subsequent actions affect others.
Being remarkably gifted I've always had a hard time fitting in. My thoughts and feelings go beyond those of the neurotypical and the clashes resulting from my inability to voice these thoughts to inferior minds have always fed me with a sense of anger against society.
My emotions have always been very real, unusually sophisticated even. It wasn't until I started talking to fellow Wikipedeans that I could relate these to others, and finally finding a peer I could belong to has given me a great sense of inner peace and afforded me the ability to "search myself" these past couple years.
Where the academic system and the wageslave machine failed, Wikipedia gave me a place I could call home. I am now proud to be a contributor to many cornerstone articles such as Norway and Yiff, and am able to demonstrate my supreme intellect with all the creative freedom that Jimmy Wales has afforded me.
Something I initially thought was just a result of me suffering from the disease known as obesity, I have always had a problem entering into romantic or even interpersonal relationships.
It wasn't until I discovered that I found men disgusting and felt drastically different on the inside, that I realized the popular white picket fence notion was not something I could conform to.
While I do not have the money to perform actual surgery, I have through a clever choice of fashion and some makeup/tape been able to pass myself off as a man for the past year without any trouble. I even, though we have yet to meet, have found my love in a beautiful woman from the Midwest.
I met her in the #asperger IRC channel about 18 months ago now. It was a time of turmoil for me and she was my guiding line, the light at the end of my tunnel. She helped me come to terms with who and what I was, and for the past 8 months now we've been happily engaged.
For years I was wrought with hate. Starting out as a female and having to be subject to the predatorial male/oppressor gender, I had to endure their avances throughout my teens and early twenties. It was when I was seeing a drug dealer that I contracted the HIV virus, a painful burden I bear to this day that almost none can understand.
I have made peace with this, and my wife knows and has accepted this facet of my personality. It presents its challenges here and there but in general, I have found life is still worth living.
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