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Talk:Typhoon Faye (1982)

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Typhoon Faye (1982)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: 12george1 (talk · contribs) 20:44, 22 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Hello User:Yellow Evan! I am going to follow our unofficial "nominate an article, review an article" rule here. Therefore, I will assess this article now. Unfortunately, I have to say that you are sorta backsliding on quality. However, I am not going to fail this article, unless the issues aren't fixed/addressed.--12george1 (talk) 20:44, 22 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

  • Wikilink landfall (meteorology) in the first sentence at the word "struck"
  • "Initially, land interaction with prevented significant development." - Land interaction with what?
  • "Thereafter, Faye began to steadily intensify, and attained typhoon intensity later that day" - You should probably change "intensify" to "strengthen", as "intensify" and "intensity" are pretty similar.
  • "On August 23, Typhoon Faye reached its peak intensity, which it would maintain for approximately 12 hours." - Don't use it/its more than once in a sentence. Btw, why is it important that a tropical cyclone maintained peak intensity for 12 hours? A lot of other tropical cyclones have done that. Just say "On August 23, Typhoon Faye reached its peak intensity with winds of [insert peak winds]."
  • "Severe flooding was recorded, and 41 people lost their lives in the Philippines. More than 5,000 houses were damaged, and around 7,000 sought shelter. Overall, 18 were injured, 220,000 were listed homeless, and damage amounted to $9.6 million (1982 USD).[nb 1]" - This whole thing is bizarre and out of order. For example, what does 18 people being injured have to do with the 220,000 that were listed as homeless? I would suggest something like this: "Severe flooding was recorded. More than 5,000 houses were damaged, while about 220,000 people were left homeless. Further, 7,000 persons sought shelter. Throughout the islands, there was 41 deaths and 18 injuries, as well as $9.6 million (1982 USD) in damage.[nb 1]"
  • "with dissipation as a tropical cyclone occurring on the afternoon of August 27. Despite this, Faye initially continued moving east-northeast before stalling that evening." - This needs to be fixed, because even I was confused at first about how Faye moved after dissipation. Also, it isn't unusual for the remnants of a system to keep moving. Re-word the second sentence to "The remnants of Faye initially continued moving east-northeast before stalling that evening. "
  • No impact in other countries?
  • "Later that, the Philippine Atmospheric," - Missing a word
  • "Tropical Storm Faye slowly tracked west-northwest while a subtropical ridge was situated near Hong Kong;" - A layman might be confused as to why it is important to know why a subtropical ridge was situated near Hong Kong. I think you should instead say, "Tropical Storm Faye slowly tracked west-northwest due to a subtropical ridge situated near Hong Kong;"
  • "land interaction and strong wind shear from Typhoon Ellis," - No need to wikilink wind shear twice
  • "Typhoon Faye originated from a westward moving weak area of disturbed weather located within the Philippine Sea in the middle of August." - Hyphenate "westward" and "moving", so "westward-moving". Also, wikilink Philippine Sea
  • "At 0900 UTC, the JTWC upgraded Fay back to a typhoon, just a mere 27 hours after the agency discontinued watching Faye for the first time." - The first "Faye" is misspelled. Also replace one of them with something like "it", "the storm", "the typhoon" etc. It is bad enough that you use the word Faye in almost every sentence.
  • "At 0600 UTC on August 31, the JTWC downgraded Faye to a tropical depression under the anticipation that Faye would dissipate within 24 to 48 hours." - Ditto about using Faye more than once in a sentence
  • The Impact section overall looks rather small. Isn't there any more impact?
  • Next to nothing is mentioned about flooding. The lede makes it seem like the primary cause of damage.
  • Correct me if I am wrong, but I count 43 deaths: 41 in the Philippines and 2 in Japan. So update the infobox?
  • "Three others perished due to fallen trees or homes." - Homes fell on people?!? :O Did you mean, homes collapsing?
  • "Offshore Palawan, Faye capsized a boat, killing seven of 54 Vietnamese aboard." - Is there ethnicity really that important? :P
  • "The remaining were rescued." - Merge this into the previous sentence
  • "In Iba, the typhoon ripped the roofs off of 80% of the homes,[12] where 200,000 or 40% of Iba's 500,000 residents were homeless.[8]" - First, Iba redirects to a disambiguation page. Did you mean to wikilink to Iba, Zambales? The sentence itself is worded oddly. Maybe try this: "In Iba, the typhoon de-roofed 80% of the homes,[12] leaving 200,000 out of 500,000 residents homeless, which is 40% of the city's population.[8]"
  • "Additionally, three people perished in Iba due to falling debris." - Is this the same as the 3 deaths from falling trees and homes. If so, this sentence is unnecessary.
  • "sending 7,608 people to shelter churches," ---> "sending 7,608 people to seek shelter in churches,"
  • Possibly more stuff later--12george1 (talk) 20:44, 22 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
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