Talk:Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: MrLinkinPark333 (talk · contribs) 00:02, 6 September 2018 (UTC)
Hi there. I'll be reviewing this article. Please note that the article was nommed in July 2018 and only reviewed now. The article has also been edited since the nomination. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:02, 6 September 2018 (UTC)
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not) |
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Lead
[edit]“Despite its stylistic deviation polarising listeners...fastest-selling vinyl record in 25 years”. - Seems like a comma splice. I think creating another sentence after "2018 Mercury Prize for best album" would flow better.
- “features a lush sound” - reword "lush" as it's the opinion of Rolling Stone only in composition
- "expansive sound" - expansive is used by AllMusic. Maybe more general per MOS:LEADCITE?
- “notably less accessible than its internationally successful predecessor, AM (2013).” - reword "accessible" as only Spin mentions it in the reception section. Also, Spin doesn't compare accessibility of Tranquility to AM. Lastly, "Notably" sounds peacocky so I'd suggest removing it per Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Words to watch#Puffery.
- Notably removed but the "accessible" part is still in the lead. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding the word accessible for this part. I just saw that accessible rock of AM is mentioned in the article for Observer reception, but from what I'm reading by Kitty Empire, she doesn't specifically say accessible. Could you provide me with some clarification?
- I think 'accessible' is a good broad word which encompasses what a lot of reviewers are saying about the work being a "left turn", "strange", "intriguing and completely different", "strangest and most alluring" and dividing listeners. If you disagree we could remove that. Jimmio78 (talk) 22:41, 11 September 2018 (UTC)
- Okay. Accessible to me sounded more like being able to obtain a copy. But less accessible as is not understandable would work then.
- Notably removed but the "accessible" part is still in the lead. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding the word accessible for this part. I just saw that accessible rock of AM is mentioned in the article for Observer reception, but from what I'm reading by Kitty Empire, she doesn't specifically say accessible. Could you provide me with some clarification?
Background
[edit]Extended content
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3rd para:
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Composition
[edit]- Musical style 1st para:
- "a departure from the band's previous guitar riff-driven work" - maybe specify AM was the guitar heavy work as Rolling Stone doesn't name the other albums.
- " It has been characterized as lounge pop, space pop...film soundtracks of the 1960s." - comma splice. Maybe divide the genres and influences separately.
- "from jazz, as well as soul, French pop of the early 1970s, synthesizer-driven prog" - closely paraphrases sterogum in the exact same order of genres. Summary would be needed. Rolling Stone only mentions jazz and none of the other genres.
- "subtle funk" word for word in the observer
- "melodically rich" closely paraphrases guardian
- "melodic and lavish songs" closely paraphrases guardian as "lavish" is used
- I don't think there's really any other word for "lavish" in this context, except "lush" which is already quoted from another source in the previous sentence. Jimmio78 (talk) 10:56, 18 September 2018 (UTC)
- In that case, if lavish/lush have the same meaning, perhaps lavish doesn't need to be repeated as the previous sentence says lush.
- "melodic and lavish songs" closely paraphrases guardian as "lavish" is used
- "tendency to resist "casual consumption"" - "resists" in used in the pitchfork ref #20 source. Different word maybe?
- "vintage electric keyboards and synthesisers reminiscent of space age pop" - same order as pitchfork #20
- Order is different now. Jimmio78 (talk) 10:56, 18 September 2018 (UTC)
- musical style 2nd para:
- "The album has been compared to the works of David Bowie,...Beach Boys" - some of these in my opinion have too many citations citing the same comparisons. I suggest using the main ones that compares the entire album to specific singers. I think specific song comparisons would fit in the songs sections, not in the album overview. Also, if Turner is specifically mentioning these influences, then I don't believe the album is being "compared" to them. I can give specific examples if needed.
- I looked through all the citations and it seems like – with the exception of one Bowie reference – these all compare the entire album to the artists mentioned. Also the way the paragraph is structured first shows all the artists that critics have compared the album to, followed separately by Turner's specifically mentioned influences (many of whom have been compared to the album independently of what Turner has said) Jimmio78 (talk) 01:56, 11 September 2018 (UTC)
- "rhythm tracks and bass lines" - closely paraphrases guardian (unless there is a limited amount of ways to say rhythm tracks?)
- "The album has been compared to the works of David Bowie,...Beach Boys" - some of these in my opinion have too many citations citing the same comparisons. I suggest using the main ones that compares the entire album to specific singers. I think specific song comparisons would fit in the songs sections, not in the album overview. Also, if Turner is specifically mentioning these influences, then I don't believe the album is being "compared" to them. I can give specific examples if needed.
- Lyrics 1st para:
- "hyperrealist satire" needs quotations and ref while "interstellar escapism" needs the same ref
- "the desire to escape into it, and the desire to create it" - needs a ref as it's a quote
- "This is influenced by current politics in the United States" - needs a ref as the following Pitchfork ref doesn't mention politics. Also I think the sentence needs to be divided into two sentences as it talks about the lyric influences and then switches to the narrators.
- "Turner embodies as narrators frequently becoming distracted" - Should this sentence be rephrased to "Turner embodies as his narrators frequently become distracted"?
- "These multiple narrators are unreliable" - Pitchfork specifically used "unreliable" to describe the narrators. But I'd suggest reword instead of quoting because of the following quote beside it.
- I think "unreliable narrator" is the only real way to say this; its a common literary term with no real synonyms. Jimmio78 (talk) 04:04, 14 September 2018 (UTC)
- Okay since it's a common term, it works for me.
- "multiple vocal tones to embody the different characters, with his wide vocal range" - embody is used in Exclaim, and Exclaim doesnt mention a "wide" vocal range as it mentions only deep/falsetto.
- "The album's lyrical voice" - should it be Turner's lyrical voice as Pitchfork said? Minor suggestion
- "has been compared to Argentine short-story writer Jorge Luis Borges" - not sure if it is this Borges as Pitchfork only mentions the surname, not the full name.
- There's really nobody else the reference could be talking about. He is commonly known by simply his surname (much like Salinger, Hemmingway, etc.) Jimmio78 (talk) 04:04, 14 September 2018 (UTC)
- Upon checking, I agree with you about Borges.
- "The dense and self-aware lyrics have been described as "endlessly quotable" - bit OR as NME says dense/self-aware while Uncut has the "endlessly quotable" part. Might need one source to support both claims to not suggest both articles support both claims.
- "rambling, stream-of-consciousness style" word for word of The Independent.
- " modern human condition" close paraphrase Pitchfork
- "human condition in modern society" close paraphrase. Limited wording?
- I think "human condition" is the only real way to say it. "Condition" is now the only word shared with the source, and I don't think there's any other way to say that. Jimmio78 (talk) 10:56, 18 September 2018 (UTC)
- "human condition in modern society" close paraphrase. Limited wording?
- Lyrics 2nd para:
- I don't think you need to mention "blunt" twice as it's in the quote of the last sentence. Minor suggestion
- Songs 1st para:
- Star Treatment - a) reference to early work maybe, but I think only The Strokes influenced Turner, not the entire band. b) fictional band named martini police, yes but the NME reference doesn't state band. A switch of reference is needed c) acquaintance never seeing blade runner - the other NME ref doesn't say acquaintance but supports the real life reference and quotes. d) "scattered drums and wood block accents" would need rewording as it's word for word matching and I'm not seeing "baritone guitars" mentioned. Also themusic.com.au ref isn't working, but an archived copy exists.
- Songs 2nd para:
- One Point Perspective - a) sweet, plucky, and Empire State of Mind needs reference as only Still Dre is referenced by Observer. b) i don't think 4 references are needed for "lavish strings" (needs quote as cited by NME) or hip hop beat. c) Turner says "may have heard or been involved" with narcotics. So I'm not sure if Turner is misremembering or not fully saying he was using narcotics. Any opinions?
- I'm not 100% sure about this one. I think Turner was intentionally quite vague with his wording, making it a bit unclear whether HE was under the influence of narcotics or whether the conversationalists he was observing were. The way I've worded it right now keeps both potential meanings. Maybe we could add the "may have" as a quote? E.g. "The song was inspired by conversations Turner "may have" witnessed and experienced whilst under the influence of narcotics" Jimmio78 (talk) 21:18, 18 September 2018 (UTC)
- I don't think "may have" would be appropriate in quotation marks as it would not sound neutral. But at the same time, Turner isn't confirming whether or not he did use narcotics at the time. Also, I just reread Turner's sentence in Radio X and he said "perhaps by conversations" so the conversations part of the sentence, from my reading, is in doubt as well. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:52, 20 September 2018 (UTC)
- I've changed it to "Turner has alluded that the song was inspired by conversations he witnessed and experienced whilst under the influence of narcotics". I think this accounts for the vagueness and uncertainty of his expression. Jimmio78 (talk) 04:03, 20 September 2018 (UTC)
- I think "alluded" sounds okay. The main issue with the uncertainty was addressed. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:55, 21 September 2018 (UTC)
- d) reword "simple hip-hopbeat" as it's word for word from Uncut e) "piano figure" is word for word SPIN
- One Point Perspective - a) sweet, plucky, and Empire State of Mind needs reference as only Still Dre is referenced by Observer. b) i don't think 4 references are needed for "lavish strings" (needs quote as cited by NME) or hip hop beat. c) Turner says "may have heard or been involved" with narcotics. So I'm not sure if Turner is misremembering or not fully saying he was using narcotics. Any opinions?
- Songs 3rd para:
- American Sports - a) "spooky, heavily affected keyboards" not supported by the Pitchfork ref
- "Spooky" supported by The Music, but not "heavily affected keyboards"
- "Heavily affected" is a rewording of "effects-laden" from the source. Jimmio78 (talk) 10:56, 18 September 2018 (UTC)
- I see. I don't think heavily affected is the same as effects laden though as affects/effects are two different words. From my understanding effects laden is a heavy usage of special effects. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:38, 20 September 2018 (UTC)
- Affected can also be used as an adjective for something with a heavy usage of special effects as far as I understand. Jimmio78 (talk) 04:01, 20 September 2018 (UTC)
- Ahh okay. That makes sense since google tells me affected is a description of something being impacted. Doesn't help they are similar spelling words. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:40, 21 September 2018 (UTC)
- I see. I don't think heavily affected is the same as effects laden though as affects/effects are two different words. From my understanding effects laden is a heavy usage of special effects. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:38, 20 September 2018 (UTC)
- "Spooky" supported by The Music, but not "heavily affected keyboards"
- Self titled track - a) "mocks the sterility of contemporary society" closely paraphrases pitchfork in the same phrasing order. Pitchfork quote says "sterility of our modern world" so it's still closely paraphrasing with the word sterility and word order. Summary needed. b) maybe reword "drum patterns" unless there's a limited amount of ways to say it. c) I require to check that Ford co-produced this track with the liner notes
- Golden Trunks - a) Turner doesn't specifiy the conversation in the song was "blunt" b) "has caused attention, with many believing" - The claim is only supported by SPIN magazine, so it's not many people believing. Also SPIN only vaguely says "You Know Who" and not mentions who exactly, so naming Donald Trump isn't exactly supported. Sounds to me like Weasel words which isn't neutral, nor is "the line caused attention" neutral.
- American Sports - a) "spooky, heavily affected keyboards" not supported by the Pitchfork ref
- Songs 4th para:
- Four out of Five - a) yes the song is compared to the two albums, but as somewhere in the middle between them, not akin. b) "elide[d] with the memory" minor grammar issue as Kitty Empire mentions both Do I Wanna Know? and Satellite of Love. c) "phonetically it's quite alluring" needs a ref as it's a quote d) I'd recommend rephrasing "vocal phrasing" as it's word for word from The Music e) a citation for the 2001: Space Odyssey references in needed (specifically has a citation needed tag)
- Songs 5th para:
- Monster truck - a) "heavy use of reverb and minimal bass guitar and percussion" closely paraphrases Exclaim! as it's in the same order and phrasing b) "real news story" is word for word Radio X. "real" doesn't sound neutral either.
- Exclaim doesn't specifiy heavy/light for reverb. Rest of the sentence would be fine as there's limited words for guitar/percussion
- Science fiction - a) "confessed" doesn't sound neutral to me.
- She looks like fun - a) Turner doesn't say he delved into the exploration of technology, just the "constant updating and refreshing" being the influence for the song, which is already cited.
- Batphone - a) "sucked into a hole" line was indeed called comical and januty, but not the entire track. b) blowing a raspberry might have influenced Turner, but he says it doesn't have much to do with the track in Radio X.
- Monster truck - a) "heavy use of reverb and minimal bass guitar and percussion" closely paraphrases Exclaim! as it's in the same order and phrasing b) "real news story" is word for word Radio X. "real" doesn't sound neutral either.
- Songs 6th para:
- ultracheese - a) "descending piano chords" word for word The Independent b) "live take" word for word Radio X. c) I'll have to check the album liner notes for Tom Rowley's performance and the instruments proved in this track
- I'm not sure that there are really any ways to reword either of these phrases. Do you have any suggestions? Jimmio78 (talk) 00:16, 13 September 2018 (UTC)
- I thought it over. Descending piano chords I don't think rewording can be done as piano chords is a common phrase. However, how about "live version"? --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:41, 20 September 2018 (UTC)
- I don't think "live version" makes sense in this context, as there's no other version. I could just say "recorded live" but that sounds a bit misleading, as if it was a live performance with an audience. I think "live take" is the only common way to describe a single 'live' studio take. Jimmio78 (talk) 04:01, 20 September 2018 (UTC)
- If "take" is the only word that can be used, then it'd be fine with me. Take does say from a "single recording session" in the Wikipedia article. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:55, 21 September 2018 (UTC)
- I thought it over. Descending piano chords I don't think rewording can be done as piano chords is a common phrase. However, how about "live version"? --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:41, 20 September 2018 (UTC)
- ultracheese - a) "descending piano chords" word for word The Independent b) "live take" word for word Radio X. c) I'll have to check the album liner notes for Tom Rowley's performance and the instruments proved in this track
Artwork and title
[edit]- "The album's artwork was designed by Alex Turner using cardboard cut-outs and a Revox A77 tape machine, itself containing early demos of the album" - original research as the April 2018 billboard reference does not specify it was an A77 (only that it was a Revox), nor that the tape machine had early demos.
- In the Radio X interview, Turner says the tape in the tape machine was "the album on it, or an earlier version of it". Not sure if it was one or both.
- "a member of the art department for 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) building the set for a Hilton Hotel on the moon." closely paraphrases the radiox reference.
- "Turner began imagining the lobby of the album's titular hotel, picturing a model of the hotel within its lobby." - I think this sentence's two halves could be merged together to say he imagined a model of the album's hotel in the lobby. The sentence seems repeating itself as it suggests he imagined the hotel's lobby and also imagined a model of the hotel in the lobby.
Release
[edit]Extended content
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Tour[edit]para 1:
para 2, various issues with this paragraph in this May 14th NME source:
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Reception
[edit]Extended content
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Commercial performance
[edit]- "The album also debuted at number one in France, Australia, Scotland...top ten in Austria, the Czech Republic, Italy, Canada, Germany, Mexico, Finland, Sweden, Japan and Poland." Very long sentence with comma splice.
- "In addition, with 24,500 vinyl copies sold in the first week, the album became the UK's fastest selling vinyl record in 25 years." Almost right. Pitchfork said "the fastest-selling vinyl LP of the past 25 years" and the last album to hold that record was As You Were (Liam Gallagher album) (2017). "In 25 years" suggests to me the record hadn't been broken since 1993. I think it needs to be slightly reworded to avoid confusion. Optionally, maybe include the last record holder was Gallagher's 2017 album.
- "previously held by Liam Gallagher’s As You Were" word for word. Also, I'm thinking if "of the past 25 years" would be outdated when it's no longer 2018.
- "fastest selling vinyl record of the previous 25 years" closely paraphrases. But I think there's a limited amount of ways to say it. If there is no other way to phrase it, it'd be fine with me.
- I don't think there's any other way to say "fastest selling vinyl" but I changed "previous 25 years" to a specific year. Jimmio78 (talk) 10:45, 18 September 2018 (UTC)
- "fastest selling vinyl record of the previous 25 years" closely paraphrases. But I think there's a limited amount of ways to say it. If there is no other way to phrase it, it'd be fine with me.
- "previously held by Liam Gallagher’s As You Were" word for word. Also, I'm thinking if "of the past 25 years" would be outdated when it's no longer 2018.
References
[edit]Discogs ref #10 is not reliable per Wikipedia:WikiProject Albums/Sources#Unreliable sources. As this ref is citing the album itself, I'd recommend swapping to cite AV Media. Refs #25 and #43 are missing the website name Pitchfork in the citation. Rest of the references look good for reliability. However, ref #5 was a surprise to me as the reference had no indication of it being a twitter picture. Not sure about whether it's ok to link to a twitter image per WP:TWITTER. Thoughts?
- A little confused as to what Twitter reference you're talking about. Ref #5 is not to Twitter. The article does contain two Twitter references in which the group's official account refers to releases specifically as "singles", but they aren't images. Jimmio78 (talk) 07:16, 7 September 2018 (UTC)
- Apologies. I had ref #5 on my mind for another part of the review. Ref #18 is pbs.twimg.com which is twitter's image host. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 17:04, 7 September 2018 (UTC)
Captions
[edit]"David Bowie (left) and Serge Gainsbourg (right) were commonly cited as influencing the album's style." - the pictutres of Bowie and Gainsbourg are relevant but I think the wording needs to be adjusted. "were commonly cited as influencing" is two different tenses. Also, the cited of Bowie and Gainsbourg are suggested to be by the reviewers, not by the band. However, Turner doesn't cite Bowie as an influence specifically, but someone he admired. I'm not sure if Bowie should be swapped with Dion or de Roubaix as these two were specifically named as influences by Rolling Stone with their interview with Turner.
- This was changed to "Several music critics cited David Bowie (left) and Serge Gainsbourg (right) as having influenced the album's style."
Overall
[edit]I still have to check the Composition section, but here's a partial overview of what needs/needed to be done to pass GA:
- 1a grammar and 1b word choice: a little bit of adjustments needed. I'll scan through it again fully to see if I missed any. Monster truck and science fiction have a few words that don't need neutral: "real" and "confessed"
- 2b: reliable sources - the discogs and twitter image were removed
- 2c: original research - primarily composition section reworking
- 2d: closely paraphrasing - composition section reworking as well
- 3b: focus - there is a lot of quotes in the Songs section especially with the quotation of lyrics. There may be too much detail for this part in my opinion.
- 4: neutrality - Donald Trump claim in Golden Trunks needs to be adjusted.
I need to personally check the album line notes myself for their respective claims (3 in background, 4 in composition and 1 in credits). Otherwise Lead and artwork is done, Reception is almost completed, Release/tour is close to being done, and composition needs work. Once I get a hold of the album liner notes, I'll be able to determine whether background is done or almost done. Also, there has been a major edit to the Songs section of Composition by another user, so I require to check that over. If I see any other issues, I'll update the respective sections of this review. On the other criteria, there is a reference list, sources are now all reliable per above, no edit wars, and major topics have been addressed. I think after the reception and release/tour parts issues are addressed, the only major part would be the Composition part (primarily the songs). After that, I would need to reread again to see if I missed anything. Update: all sections completed as of 30 october.
--MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 23:12, 12 September 2018 (UTC)
- Thank you so much for your efforts on this review. I think I have addressed the majority of your comments.
I can go through the songs section and see if I can cut down unnecessary information.As far as original research, paraphrasing and neutrality I think I have corrected each issue. There are a couple pieces of close paraphrasing which I have not changed because there is no other clear and logical way of expression. I have also gone through the composition songs section and cut down some superfluous quotes and points. Jimmio78 (talk) 09:24, 13 September 2018 (UTC)
Section check
[edit]Since this is a large review, I'm breaking down the sections into what is done and what's not:
- Lead
- Background - needs checking of liner notes by me. All other sources are good.
- Artwork
- Composition - needs album notes checking by me. A handful of statements in compositions, lyrics and songs sections needed addressing but were dealt with.
- Release/Tour - movement sentence of tour and haircut have been ticked off. Only parts left to check by me are ones that use album liner notes for reference
- Reception - AllMusic sentence
- Commerical Performance - fastest vinyl record sentence.
- Personnel - album liner notes only check by me required.
- Charts and certifications
--MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:48, 18 September 2018 (UTC)
All that is left to check as of Sept 20th are the album liners notes. Some of the statements are backed with the album such as the guest musicians and instruments used on the tracks. However, I do not have access to the album, but I'm looking to either get access from a local library or from the Resource Exchange. Apart from the liner notes, I believe everything else is good. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 01:06, 21 September 2018 (UTC)
- I know this probably isn't reliable enough which is understandable, but it is quite easy to find online scans of the liner notes, if all else fails. Jimmio78 (talk) 01:21, 21 September 2018 (UTC)
Update
[edit]I apologize for the long wait. I only got access to the album liners notes this week from my local library. I'm going to check through the remaining parts that cite the liner notes and update the review accordingly. I've also seen the updates since September 21st to the article: "lounge lizards", additional James Corden performance, and Warp speed Chic. All of the new updates look good. I've a few comments for two minor parts of Warp Speed Chic and found another minor spot:
- 1) Stereogum says the documentary was 11 minutes, not 12. The youtube video is at 11:53 so it's not technically 12 minutes. Minor part.
- 2) "intercut with footage of the French wing of their subsequent tour" - i didn't understand what you meant by "wing" but Google tells me it's a synonym for part. It works in this case unless you meant leg?.
- 3) found a few URL errors with Danish Charts and French Charts. The peak positions are confirmed at the proper links.
Otherwise, I'll be looking at the liner notes today and updating the review with this section. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 18:28, 29 October 2018 (UTC)
- @Jimmio78: Okay. I've looked through the liner notes. Most of them are good but there are some issues, mostly minor and a few major.
1) Background:
- "Ford and guitarist Tom Rowley...backing vocals to "She Looks Like Fun"." - run on sentence.
- Also the liner notes does not state Rowley has been a touring member since 2013 so a ref would be needed to support it.
2) Musical style:
- Dolceola should be singular as Turner was the only one who used this instrument throughout the album.
3) Songs (specifically Ultracheese)
- "acoustic baritone guitar solo performed by Tom Rowley." - should be separate as the liner notes says "Acoustic and baritone guitar solo" so i think that means two guitars, not one.
- "The track was recorded in a live take with a large ensemble, including electric, baritone... two pianos" - All instruments confirmed except the electric guitar. Liner notes says Jamie Cook played guitar but not specifically which type of guitar he played.
After these 3 parts for the liner and the above 3 comments for Warp speed chic/charts, I believe all parts of the article would be confirmed. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 22:57, 30 October 2018 (UTC)
- @MrLinkinPark333: I think I've addressed all these issues. Let me know if it's all good. Jimmio78 (talk) 00:16, 31 October 2018 (UTC)
- @Jimmio78: All checked. I think everything is good, I just need a final read-through for grammar/spelling since it's been awhile since I've reviewed the entire article. I'll let you know once im done. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:24, 31 October 2018 (UTC)
- @Jimmio78: I almost missed it. Turner plays acoustic guitar for track #6 not #5. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 19:26, 31 October 2018 (UTC)
- @MrLinkinPark333: Fixed -Jimmio78 (talk) 20:56, 31 October 2018 (UTC)
- @Jimmio78: Perfect. Now're you're all set. :) I apologize for the delay with the liner notes. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 21:13, 31 October 2018 (UTC)
- Not a problem. Thanks so much for your work :) Jimmio78 (talk) 21:29, 31 October 2018 (UTC)
- @Jimmio78: Perfect. Now're you're all set. :) I apologize for the delay with the liner notes. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 21:13, 31 October 2018 (UTC)
- @MrLinkinPark333: Fixed -Jimmio78 (talk) 20:56, 31 October 2018 (UTC)
- @Jimmio78: I almost missed it. Turner plays acoustic guitar for track #6 not #5. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 19:26, 31 October 2018 (UTC)
- @Jimmio78: All checked. I think everything is good, I just need a final read-through for grammar/spelling since it's been awhile since I've reviewed the entire article. I'll let you know once im done. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 00:24, 31 October 2018 (UTC)
Final grammar check
[edit]Lead:
- "in his Los Angeles home, and features a rich sound, embodying lounge pop," - i dont think a comma is needed after rich sound.
- "major departure from the band's previous guitar-heavy work, less accessible" - "and less accessible"?
Background:
- "Turner suffered from writer's block, struggling to find a direction" - both should be past tense "and struggled".
- "He began writing songs for the album...Los Angeles home dubbed "Lunar Surface". - maybe two sentences?
- "During the process Turner recalled piano lessons" - comma needed after process
- "In September 2017 the Arctic Monkeys began recording" - comma after 2017
- "Helders commented that during recording he played with more restraint" - comma after recording (i think)
- "Ford and guitarist Tom Rowley (who has served as a touring member of the band since 2013)" comma before and after bracket
- "Drummer Loren Humphrey of Guards...Evan Weiss of Wires...Monster Truck Front Flip" - perhaps make another sentence for Dawes, Parkford and Weiss.
Musical style:
- "Instrumentally it incorporates vintage" - comma after instrumentally
Lyrics:
- The "forgetful, distractible oddballs"...as well as drawing influence from lounge music" - this doesn't sound right grammatically particularly the transition from oddballs to unreliable narrators and then from narrators to lounge music influence.
- "Turner cited various films as influencing the lyrics" - i believe it should be "for influencing"
- "Turner commented that he took a different approach to writing...relationship with its context" - two sentences might be better to divide Turner's comment with Cohen's inspiration
Songs:
- "Turner has alluded that the song was inspired by conversations he witnessed and experienced ...described as "unsettling"" - long sentence and I recommend splitting it up.
- "Turner's vocals have been described as both "sinister"[25] and "dreamy"...in reference to horse racing." - maybe two sentences as well
- " Musically the track features "skittish" jazz drums," - comma after musically needed
- "is one of many references to science fiction on the album, however Turner " - semi colon instead of comma after album, and comma after however.
- "The album's "schmoozy" final track, "The Ultracheese..."symbol a kind of final bow"" - i dont think comma needed after final track, but two sentences would be useful as it's long.
Singles:
- "On 13 May, two days after the album's release" - might be redundant with "13 may" and "two days after" as either or works
Tour:
- "to begin in May, concluding in October at the Voodoo Experience" - past tense as this part is now over
- "They adapted their live show" - might need to switch to "the band" as I presume the band adapted the live shows, and not their supporting act?
Televised performances:
- "On 12 September, the group released a cover of "-" by Stephen Fretwell (2004)...Electric Lady Studios in New York." - i think two sentences would be easier to read, one about their renditions and the other with Spotify and recording.
Critical reception:
- "Roisin O'Connor of The Independent...Spin's Larry Fitzmaurice...a successful gambit" - I recommend spliting this into two sentences, one for O'Connor and one for Fitzmaurice as it's very long (and respective grammar change to past tense).
Accolades:
- "fourth nomination for the award, the second most nomination" - "and" to connect the two halfs of the sentence
Commercial performance:
- "debuted at number one on the UK Albums Chart...becoming the group's sixth consecutive album" - think it should be "and became" to align with past tense
@Jimmio78: If any of the above you believe is wrong let me know (punctuation isn't my strongest strength in grammar). --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 01:43, 31 October 2018 (UTC)
- @MrLinkinPark333: I've gone through and addressed the majority of these. There were a couple of minor ones I disagreed with gramatically. Jimmio78 (talk) 11:09, 31 October 2018 (UTC)
- @Jimmio78: I read through the three sentences without ticks and they sound alright (google shows me sentences with "as" and "for" so they work for me). I think this is it. For other reviewers: the first GA review box was when I initially started reviewing it. The later sections are for updates. I can fully say this article passes all of the GA review. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 18:56, 31 October 2018 (UTC)