Talk:Revelations: Persona/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: AdrianGamer (talk · contribs) 08:46, 19 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

You should wikilink parlour game
While playing a parlor game, the group come to the realm of Philemon - should specify that it is a fortune-telling game.
the group come to the realm of Philemon, a benevolent being representing humanity's subconscious who grants them the ability to summon the multiple selves within them - , who grants them the ability
but also drew mixed to negative comments for its by-then dated mechanics and graphics. - negative, not mixed
Persona is a role-playing video game where the player - Should be "Revelations: Persona" is a role-playing game.
where the player takes control of a group of high school students. - Personal opinion, not compulsory, I prefer "in which" instead of "where"
If the player attacks an enemy from behind, the party is given a set of free attacks - I do not understand what this means
with characters an enemies moving according to their position on the grid. - "and", not "an"
beings summoned into battle to cast a spell that can heal the party, and inflict physical or elemental damage on an enemy. - should be in plural form "spells", "enemies", unless the Persona can only be used once.
Wikilink experience points
Experience is awarded based on how much the player uses certain characters or Personas - If it is talking about frequency, it should be "how often the player uses certain characters"
Talking to an enemy has different effects based on the demon's personality - All enemies in the game are demons?
the character Igor can summon new Personas from among the various enemies defeated for a fee. - Wikilink Igor
He can also use two spell cards along with a special item to create a new Persona, which can inherit skills from its parents. - what parents?
the players have the option of recruiting Reiji Kido - Should be "The player has"
The game opens with the protagonist, along with schoolmates Hidehiko - should be "Starts" instead of "opens"
After playing the game, the group see a ghostly figure, and the protagonist - But the lead said that happened when they are playing the game, not after.
The protagonist is then drawn into the realm of Philemon, and after the main character states his name - "and after the main character states his name" is not really relevant.
The lead sounds like the four go to the realm together, while the plot section sounds like that only the silent protagonist enters the realm
and after meeting up with Eriko, head to the town's Ayama Shrine to find Maki's mother Setsuko - "they" head to the town's
Where did the demons come from? The SEBEC created them? Kandori does not sound like a villain in the plot section at all.
then asked by Nanjo to help save a captured Masao from demons. - Rephrase it to "to save Masco, who is captured by demons"
Persona began development - Rephrase it to "The development of Revelations: Persona began in"
When was Shin Megami Tensei if.... completed?
to the Megami Tensei - to the Megami Tensei "series"
The Persona system was directly inspired by the similar Guardian system used in if... - "similar" is redundant
The first draft involved the students going on a field trip and being caught in mysterious events and fights with students from other schools, and was one of the more fondly-remembered versions - Too much "and". You should split it into two sentences
Kaneko and other team members focusing on Persona resulted in development on Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne coming to a near-halt - Rephrase it to "The team's focusing on Persona resulted in development on Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne coming to a near-halt"
Information about Philemon, Jungian psychology and The Velvet Room should come first, and should be followed by information about Maki
After release, many players were unsure about the pronunciation of "Philemon", quite often misreading the name as "Pheromone" - Not relevant
Persona was the first role-playing entry in the Megami Tensei series to be released in the west - Is there any other game in the series that is not a role-playing game?
The changes made to character names and appearances were all changed to how they appeared in the original Japanese release, - Were all changed "back" to how they appeared in the original.
with the exception of a couple of lines that had become fan favorites - They changed the dialogue as well? Is "that had become fan favorites" original research
Both Tsuchiya and Meguro would be involved in later Persona and Megami Tensei titles - Not really related to the game's development
Tracklistings are not necessary
You can wikilink Jeff Gerstmann and Famitsu
IGN, in a fairly short review, called the game "an RPG masterpiece" - "in a fairly short review" sounds like personal opinion
I think that when you are talking about this game, you should use Revelations: Persona instead of simply Persona.
Jeremy Parish, writing for 1UP.com, said that the way Persona broke away from RPG norms through the communication with demons during battle made it essential playing for fans of the genre, and was generally positive about most aspects apart from its visuals - Split it into two separate sentences
inability to appreciate character and enemies due to their sprite size - Should be "appreciate characters and enemies appearances" due to their "small" sprite size.
which released in 1999 - which "was" released in 1999

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and y:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:

B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

A great article, but some small issues need fixing. Some sentences sometimes feel too long, and that affects readability. AdrianGamer (talk) 07:24, 22 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I've attended to all the issues above, with one slight exception that I will explain. The use of Persona as opposed to alternate uses of Revelations: Persona and Shin Megami Tensei: Persona was not just a stylistic choice. Persona is what the game is generally called by Altus staff in cited interviews, and multiple video game journalists in reviews and news features. But I have tried to make sure there is a clear definition as to which version of Persona is being referred to in any given sentence of paragraph. Oh, and yes, in the Gamasutra interview it was said that dialogue was changed and that for the remake some fan favorite line were left in deliberately. --ProtoDrake (talk) 09:05, 22 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

With all issues addressed the article is good to go! Revelations: Persona promoted to

Congratulations! AdrianGamer (talk) 09:34, 22 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]