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Talk:Nature Boy/GA1

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GA Review

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Esprit15d (talk · contribs) 13:45, 3 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]


A quick look at the article reveals one that is generally strong and shows a lot of hard work, so kudos to the editors. These are my comments and suggestions:

  • The link: "Heleno mostra derrocada de primeiro 'bad boy' do futebol brasileiro" gives a malware warning. That seems suspect.
  • While I think it is acceptable to use the record's label to illustrate the song, it is not cover art, and so the licensing on the photo is incorrect. Use {{Non-free use rationale}} instead.
    • Done.
  • " and generated huge royalty for ahbez"— Should be "royalties"
  • "The lawsuit resulted in ahbez paying to Yablokoff."— This sentence is not clear and has bad grammar. It should say something like, "In the end, ahbez and Yablokoff settled out of court." or "The lawsuit resulted in an out-of-court settlement."
  • "and was also successful"—Should be "which were also successful"
  • "the most recent being"— removed per WP:REALTIME
  • " a 33 year old George McGrew"— Should be " a 33-year-old George McGrew"
  • "It was there while living "—Comma after "there"
  • "Palm Springs, ahbez wrote"—Should be "Palm Springs, that ahbez wrote"
  • "From him Cole came to know "—Comma after him
  • ""Nature Boy" for live audiences and received "—Comma after audiences, he before received
  • "Irving Berlin, who was present in the crowd,"—Which crowd?
  • "but he decided to"—Change "he" to "Cole" for clarity
  • "But it was the song's last line that made it the most poignant:"—Since this statement is an opinion, you need to reiterate that this is Tyle's point of view, or it sounds like this is Wikipedia's opinion, and WP has no opinions. See WP:ATTRIBUTEPOV.
  • "Various interpretations of the line are given by academics, with the eponymous nature boy being an adult, advising on love and relationship, or a young boy dreaming"—I wasn't able to read the entire source, only an excerpt, but it appears that it only supports one of these interpretations--perhaps the one on love, but not the rest of these interpretations. Can you find other sources, or perhaps explain how this source supports all of these interpretations? The sentence says there are various interpretations.
    • You are correct, I incorrectly interpreted the source book. It actually talks about how a child speaks about love and relationship, while the nature boy can also be an adult hippie, talking about self-love. —Indian:BIO [ ChitChat ] 17:49, 3 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "peaking at number-one"—remove the hyphen
  • "year, accumulating a total of 743 points"— Should be "year, with the song accumulating a total of 743 points" (not the DJs)
  • "The 1940s American music market was divided by race "—Commas after "1940s" and "race"
  • "he received widespread recognition and "—Comma after recognition
  • "Stephen Cook from AllMusic said that the song would transform Cole"—Change to "Stephen Cook from AllMusic said that the song transformed Cole". AllMusic wrote in the narrative historical present tense, but it should be in the simple past tense for our purposes.
  • "However, due to the AFM ban "—Comma after "ban"
  • " which made the song sound like a Gregorian chant."—According to whom? State who in the text.
  • " but was subsequently cancelled "—Should be " but they were subsequently cancelled "
  • "Singer Bobby Darin's version, released in 1961, presented a homo-romantic theme, with the eponymous nature boy visiting Darin on a "magic day" and explaining that "the greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return""—I read the passage this statement is taken from, and have a few comments (1) The author was not saying that Bobby Darin's version was homoerotic, he was saying the song itself is homoerotic, and the author referenced Bobby Darin's version, also mentioning it was a NKC cover. (2) Since this is an opinion, it needs to be presented as such, and the assertion needs to be credited to the author of that book. Also, move it to the section on reception, not covers, since it's not a commentary on Darin's cover, but the song lyrics.
  • " Initiallyy strings"—Initially is spelled wrong.
  • "the simplicity like Cole's"—Sound weird. Try "the simplicity of Cole's"
  • "Same year in December"— Should be "That year in December"
  • "At the tenth season of American Idol"—Should be "During the tenth season of American Idol"
  • "Kate Ceberano featured in the film"—Should be "Kate Ceberano was featured in the film"
  • "Cole's versions was used"—Should be "Cole's version was used"
  • "Cole records the song and it goes on to become a commercial success."—Remove this since it doesn't give any insight into the movie, since that actually happened. I think it would be more helpful to mention who played NKC and Anna Jacobs, and the box office totals and MetaCritic rating of the film.
  • " Luhrmann's Moulin Rouge!."—Remove period.
  • " in a statement issued through his publicity firm"—I would remove this. It makes an already long sentence even longer, and really doesn't matter. If someone is curious where he said it, they can check the reference.
  • "The song was performed"—Start a new paragraph here, as the rest of it is heavily related to Moulin Rouge
  • Move the "Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga version" section to "Other versions" as a subheading, and then I would even add an {{Infobox song}} to that section due its exceptional popularity (I won't fail it for no infobox).
    • I had initially added the infobox, but later removed it. The infobox was not adding anything that the para already did not explain and per WP:RECENTISM and undue weightage I did not want to clutter it. But moved it anyways.
  • "Gaga sings in a Liza Minnelli inspired voice with a breathy range, followed by Bennett complimenting her with the story of meeting the titular character."—This is an opinion, so has to be attributed to someone in the text
  • "number five and quickly rose to number one"—Replace "quickly" with actual data, like "three weeks later". See WP:WEASEL
  • The reference section is outstanding.
  • The music sample is properly licensed and of the appropriate length.
  • The external links and see also wikilinks all are relevant and formatted correctly

Overall great job. I'm placing this article on hold until this matters are addressed.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 16:02, 3 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

@Esprit15d:, I have addressed all points and even left some notes. Please re-check. —Indian:BIO [ ChitChat ] 17:49, 3 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Great job on the changes, especially some of the re-writes. Interestingly enough, my mom thinks Gaga sounds like Liza Minelli, too. I think you should still justify the homo-romantic opinion based on the author's interpretation, and not the bare lyrics. Towards the end of that paragraph, the author more justifies his opinion more. Anyway, great job again, and I am happily promoting this article. Happy editing!--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 17:35, 5 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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