Talk:Butterfly (TV series)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 08:08, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Going to be reviewing this article as part of the GAN Backlog Drive of April to May 2020. MWright96 (talk) 08:08, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Lead

"who begins to realise that she is a trans girl." - transgender
"and made available on American subscription service Hulu." - on the American
"though the programme also received some criticism." - maybe briefly explain what the critics exactly thought what was wrong with the show?
- Hmm, a difficult task. The only commonality in criticism is some opposition to presentation of transgender issues, so I've reshuffled the overall lead summary so it reads: Critical reception was very positive, with reviewers praising the actors and scenes that they found particularly emotive. Further praise was given to the subject matter of the story, though this also received some criticism. — Bilorv (talk) 20:20, 29 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Production

"who became the youngest British girl to receive sex reassignment surgery at age 16." - PinkNews mentions that this took place in 2010 and it might benefit the inclusion of the year
".[4][5][2]" - refs in numerical order please
"The miniseries was announced in September 2017," - please state who announced the series in that month for reasons of clarity
I've said ITV announced it, per the BBC's: In its announcement, ITV described Butterfly as "a powerful family drama about this life changing decision in a boy so young". It seems like ITV sent press releases to newspapers to announce it, rather than doing it publicly; there were at least four article published on 14 September 2017: [1][2][3][4]. — Bilorv (talk) 20:20, 29 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"In preparation for filming, both Scanlan and Friel visited families who are supported by Mermaids." - the text in bold is too closely written to the one in the Radio Times and will need to be rewritten to pass WP:LIMITED
- You forgot the bold but I see the issue. RT: In preparation for filming Butterfly, Friel and Scanlan met with some of the families who are supported by Mermaids. New article version: As research before filming began, Scanlan and Friel visited families that Mermaids work with. — Bilorv (talk) 20:20, 29 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Episodes

"On Max's first day at high school," - shouldn't it be secondary school or this school specially a designated high school?
- It's actually news to me that "high school" is American English because that's what I (a Brit) called it. Changed to "secondary school" for unambiguity. — Bilorv (talk) 20:20, 29 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"A flashback shows Stephen slapping Max. Max discovers a video about trans people online." - Try not to have the last word of a sentence start the next one like this
- Yeah, sometimes tricky to avoid these. I've gone with: A flashback shows Max being slapped by Stephen. Max discovers a video about trans people online. — Bilorv (talk) 20:20, 29 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"the doctor recommends them to a gender identity service Ferrybank." - to Ferrybank, a gender identity service.
"to get puberty blockers." - how about obtain instead?
Perhaps clarify that Boston that is talked about is in the United States for reasons of clarity
"Stephen pursues a criminal case;" - what for exactly?
- Good question: Stephen pursues a criminal case against Vicky for parental child abduction. — Bilorv (talk) 20:20, 29 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Broadcast

"EITB in Basque Country in Spain." - in the Basque Country in Spain.
"It premiered on M6-owned paid channel DTT" - on the
"the miniseries aired in Germany" - broadcast is more formal
- I've used "aired"/"airing" four times in this section to cut down on repetitive language, "broadcast" being the only other major option I can see (one "appeared on" construction but that seems equally as informal). Can change them all to "broadcast" if you feel strongly, but I'd prefer to keep them. — Bilorv (talk) 20:20, 29 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

Briefly explain who Ash Palmisciano is to the uninformed
Ash Palmisciano—the first transgender actor on the British soap Emmerdale—praised Butterfly ... — Bilorv (talk) 20:20, 29 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"whilst also dealing with difficult themes." - which themes?
- Hard to be more specific here, relevant passages from the article (and its variety of authors) include: trying to fit in but not fitting in, trying to please others, trying to please society but desperately wanting to be myself [...] months of unexplained distress [...] well-meaning relatives presuming a child is making a cry for help because of their parents' break up; those who think it's a trendy fad that a child can be coerced out of, and the fact that the reactions of others can cause great misery [...] upsetting to constantly explain a non-negotiable part of your identity, justify your clothes, name and pronouns [...] that is often a long, difficult process that is full of shame, secrecy and hardship. Parents of trans children often go through their own transition before they are able to come to terms [...] Parents that have trans children can testify that this is often very difficult for them. I've now said "who found the programme to present accurate and positive portrayals of trans people, whilst also displaying the difficulties of transitioning". — Bilorv (talk) 20:20, 29 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"described having a very similar situation to that of the programme's characters and said the programme" - avoid close repetition of the word "programme" in the same sentence
Wikilink Gender Identity Development Service
"and reporting that fewer than 1%" - please avoid using the percentage symbol per MOS:PERCENT
"Green cited a 2016 Stonewall survey in which 45% of transgender children" - same issue as above

Critical reception

"he brought "believable vulnerability" to the character.[38][30][34][37] " - refs should be in numerical order
"finding her character "phoned in".[38][32]" - same issue as above

References

The publisher of Reference 9 should be changed to BBC News

Will put the review on hold to allow the nominator to respond/query the points raised above. MWright96 (talk) 15:07, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, all comments addressed in this edit and I've also replied to some of the non-trivial changes. Let me know if you've got any follow-ups to these points, or any other comments. Thanks for the review, under 24 hours must be a record time out of the articles I've nominated. — Bilorv (talk) 20:20, 29 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Bilorv: Now promoting to GA class. MWright96 (talk) 10:44, 30 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]