Talk:Andry Rajoelina/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Amakuru (talk · contribs) 12:28, 23 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. References to sources:

B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Comments

All in all this is a well written and engaging article, so well done on that!

Here are a few comments:

Lead:
1. Before entering the political arena, Rajoelina launched several successful enterprises, most notably including a printing and advertising company called Injet in 1999 and the Viva radio and television networks in 2007
  Two things, (i) "most notably" and "including" don't sound quite right together - they both imply a subset of the total so I think you only need one of them there; (ii) "most notably" could be a weasel term; by what criteria have you deemed the examples given to be notable?

You're right about the weasel term. I've now changed it to just "including". Lemurbaby (talk) 10:08, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Media entrepreneur:
1. The first few sentences of the third paragraph of "Media entrepreneur" (those concerned with his marriage and family) don't really have anything to do with his career as a media entrepreneur, which struck me as slightly odd. Not sure if it merits a section on its own? (some other biographies do this, even when the section is quite short). However, looking again I see the paragraph then goes on to say how his wife's family supported his businesses. This structure did strike me as slightly odd though so maybe something to think about.

I tried moving the discussion about his wife into the "early life" section since they met when she was still in high school. Let me know what you think. If it doesn't work, I'll split it off into its own short section at the end of "early life". Lemurbaby (talk) 10:08, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, that seems alright to me. Sure, the 2007 birth is hardly early years but it doesn't seem as out of place now! No doubt others can comment on this if they notice it as and when it comes up to FAC... — Amakuru (talk) 16:17, 3 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

1. TIM: per WP:ABBR I think this should be spelled out in full when it is first used. It might also be good to state that this was the ruling party at the time (if indeed it was).

Done. Lemurbaby (talk) 10:08, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
It seems to be spelled out on the second occurrence now, or was that itentional because the wording would be awkward if it said "Taskdfd I Madagascar (TIM)-dominated" ? — Amakuru (talk) 16:24, 3 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Mayor of Antananarivo:
1. ~~The TGV party: did he found this, or was it already in place when he joined and became leader?~~

He founded it. I've added the clarification. Lemurbaby (talk) 10:08, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

1. ~~The date of the election is stated at the end of the first paragraph, but I felt like I'd have liked to know this information, or at least the year in which he sought the mayorship, earlier than that.~~

Moved this info to the first sentence. Lemurbaby (talk) 10:08, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

1. ~~Brownout: perhaps I'm just ignorant, but I wasn't sure what this meant when I read it. Might be good to either explain it or at least provide a wikilink somewhere (brownout (electricity)?)~~

I've added the wikilink now. Lemurbaby (talk) 10:08, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

1. This move catalyzed a public already dissatisfied...
  What does 'catalyze' mean in this instance? I can sort of imagine, but just wondering if it's a bit imprecise. I can't see a specific meaning at wiktionary:catalyze related to the mobilisation of the masses!

The definition in wiktionary isn't complete. I'm using it more in this sense of the term. Lemurbaby (talk) 10:08, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
This seems to suggesst that a "reaction" or indeed a public movement or event already in motion can e catalyzed, but I don't drectly see a meaning suggestiong the public itself cacn be catalyzed? No big deal anyway ,just cheking. — Amakuru (talk) 08:45, 5 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

1. In the first paragraph of the "Confrontation with Ravalomanana" subsection we are introduced to the promised "Democracy Place", however it is then brought up again (with French translation) in the second paragraph in a style suggesting we've never heard of it before. Might it be better to put the French translation against the first mention and then somehow be clear that the second is just a manifestation of the promise of the first. Or something.

Good idea - I'll move the French translation to the first instance. Lemurbaby (talk) 10:08, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

1. ~~...agricultural firm Daewoo...~~
  ~~Are Daewoo really an agriculture firm? The article Daewoo doesn't even contain the word "agriculture" anywhere.~~

It's actually Daewoo Logistics, a subsidiary of the Daewoo that the article above describes, which specializes in agriculture. I've rephrased a bit and clarified it's the Logistics group to be more accurate. Lemurbaby (talk) 14:28, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

1. ~~military leaders transferred to him the executive power that had been given to the military by Ravalomanana~~
  I don't really understand this part. Why did Ravalomanana hand over executive power to the military? And why were they then able to pass that power on to Rajoelina? Was there a coup, or was it something else?

I've added detail here that hopefully helps to clarify this. Whether it was a coup is debated, though the international community generally views it that way. Opinion within Madagascar is more divided. Lemurbaby (talk) 14:28, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

President of the High Transitional Authority
1. ~~One of Rajoelina's first measures as president was to cancel Ravalomanana's controversial deal with Daewoo Logistics~~
  ~~Why is this a paragraph with only one sentence?~~

I'll expand this section over the next few days. Lemurbaby (talk) 16:31, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

1. Although Andry Rajoelina was sworn in as President of the High Transitional Authority of Madagascar at Mahamasina stadium in Antananarivo on 21 March 2009, the international community maintained that Rajoelina’s legitimacy was conditional to free and fair elections
  These two aspects of his presidency (the swearing in ceremony and his international legitimacy) struck me as slightly unrelated to each other. Leaders without international recognition are often sworn in under domestic ceremonies and the ceremony itself is unlikely to confer or deny him any extra recognition.

Rephrased. Lemurbaby (talk) 16:31, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

1. ~~...continue to withhold recognition of Rajoelina's legitimacy then in the next sentence The United States [...] also refused to acknowledge the Rajoelina administration~~
  ~~There is a difference in tense here and I'm wondering if that is significant. Has the U.S. since acknowledged the administration? The article doesn't say, if so.~~

That was an oversight - the US still withholds acknowledgement of the administration. I've changed the tense now. Lemurbaby (talk) 16:31, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

1. This BBC article here: [1] states that "In November 2011, a unity government was formed with the reluctant cooperation of Madagascar's two main opposition groups". There is no mention of that in the article as far as I could see.

Over the coming week I will expand the discussion of the endless back-and-forth related to the "roadmap" to end the political crisis. The creation of the "unity government" was part of that process. Lemurbaby (talk) 16:31, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Images
1. What is the licence and copyright status of File:Andry et Mialy Rajoelina, allée des Baobabs, 22 avril 2012.jpg ? It appears to come from Rajoelina's own website but it's not clear if it's in the public domain. (I couldn't follow the link to "mentions legales" due to it being branded a security risk where I'm located, so couldn't see what's contained there!)

Yes, there's a notice at the bottom of the webpage that explicitly states all images on the site are in the public domain and can be reproduced and redistributed. It is indeed a site that promotes the image and activities of Rajoelina's administration. Lemurbaby (talk) 16:31, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I guess it wold be nice if we had a commons template similar to the one used for US federal government works to indicate this because it's not immediately obvious to a casual observer otherwise. I don't know how easy this would be though. — Amakuru (talk) 08:45, 5 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

References
1. ~~I haven't checked any of these yet, will do so later today. I'm sure they're fine anyway!~~

Thanks and, again, great work. — Amakuru (talk) 12:57, 23 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for taking the time to review this! Lemurbaby (talk) 16:31, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I'm satisfied that the major points mentioned above are dealt with, so am duly pasing this article for GA. There are a few remaining queries above that you could have a look at if possible. Great work, anyway, and let me know if you ever put it up for FA. Thanks! — Amakuru (talk) 08:45, 5 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Saw this was up for review yesterday, I came back to help out today and it was already finished! Great work, everybody Importemps (talk) 12:22, 6 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]