Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Yugoslav monitor Drava

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article promoted by MisterBee1966 (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 07:06, 18 August 2015 (UTC) « Return to A-Class review list[reply]

Yugoslav monitor Drava

Nominator(s): Peacemaker67 (crack... thump)

Featured article candidates/Yugoslav monitor Drava/archive1

Drava is the fourth Yugoslav river monitor I've brought to ACR. She fought the Serbs and Romanians in WWI as part of the Austro-Hungarian Danube Flotilla, then under the Yugoslav flag bravely fought off the Luftwaffe for nearly a week in April 1941 before a bomb from a Stuka when straight down her funnel, sinking her. Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 10:15, 15 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: Solid article, good work. What I noticed right off the bat is that Berić's death isn't specified in the article body when it talks about 54 of the crew being killed. Also, you should mention that her anti-aircraft guns were operated by Rade Milojević and Miroslav Šurdilović (both survived), that Berić ordered all the ships coded material be burned before she sank and that his first officers Bruno Šegvić and Sulejman Šehović were also killed, per Vujičić. 23 editor (talk) 00:23, 4 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, will get onto those things. Regards, Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 04:02, 4 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I've mentioned Berić's death and those the first officers, the burning of codes, and that two of the anti-aircraft gunners survived. I don't think naming them all adds anything, they are not notable. Thanks for the comments. Regards, Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 07:26, 5 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good; I've tweaked the final paragraph in the intro to clarify that Berić was killed in the sinking. 23 editor (talk) 20:36, 5 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 22:59, 5 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments: G'day, generally looks okay to me, I have a couple of minor suggestions: AustralianRupert (talk) 23:11, 2 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"munitions supply to the Ottomans became critical, so another attempt was planned..." sorry if I'm being dense, "another attempt" at what?
2nd Army is overlinked
"but was officially handed over to the KSCS navy and renamed Drava in 1920"; not sure of the necessity of the word "but" here, perhaps "and" would be better? Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 23:11, 2 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- All done. Thanks, Rupert
  - No worries, your changes look good to me. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 09:12, 3 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
The images look correctly licenced to me (I'm no expert), but I have a couple of suggestions: AustralianRupert (talk) 09:12, 3 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- File:Great War Island panorama.jpg: might need a freedom of panorama tag: [1]
- File:Bundesarchiv Bild 101I-646-5188-17, Flugzeuge Junkers Ju 87.jpg: the description on the image page could possibly be translated
  - Done, thanks again, Rupert. Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 09:55, 3 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Support - with some points / prose suggestions:
- I did all the usual technical checks (dabs, external links, duplicate links, alt text, images, captions, citation consolidation) and couldn't see any issues - no action req'd.
- "...The anti-aircraft gunners on the ship claimed three enemy aircraft, and nine of the Stukas scored hits...", I wonder if something like this would be better "...The anti-aircraft gunners on the ship claimed three enemy aircraft, but nine of the Stukas scored hits..." (or something like that)
- "...Sunk by Luftwaffe bombers...", would it be more accurate to call them divebombers?
- This is a little repetitive: "She was towed out of danger by an armed steamer, and was eventually towed..." (specifically "towed" twice in the same sentence), suggest rewording one instance (although I agree it is probably the most accurate to use the term you have), maybe "pulled"?
- "When she returned to the flotilla she saw action...", I assume this was after repairs? You could specify this here if you wished.
- "Enns and two other monitors managed to free three..." try saying "free three" several times quickly..., perhaps reword somehow?
- "...part of the 2nd Army", consider instead "...which was part of the 2nd Army"
- I'm a little confused by this "two of the anti-aircraft gunners survived", were they separate to the 13 crew that survived that you have already listed? I assume there is a reason they are listed separately but I'm just not seeing it (as always my confusion might say more about me than what I'm reading though...) Anotherclown (talk) 11:16, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - All done, thanks Ac. These are my edits. Cheers, Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 11:09, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Support ~~Comments~~

I'd probably add a line about the hit off Gross Krieg Island to the lead.
"When she returned to the flotilla she saw action at Rjahovo in early October 1916, where she contributed to the defeat of the Romanian Flămânda Offensive, which involved a crossing of the Danube to attack the rear of Generalfeldmarschall[b] August von Mackensen's Austro-Hungarian Third Army." - this is pretty unclear, and it reads like Enns was involved in attacking Mackensen's Third Army.
"Having ordered the burning of codes before she sank, Berić and his first officers were among the dead, but two of the anti-aircraft gunners survived." - mentioning the anti-aircraft gunners here seems a bit unrelated to the rest of the sentence. I wonder if it's worth singling them out from the other 11 survivors?
Link to Caliber (artillery) in the note. Parsecboy (talk) 11:07, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- All done, Pb. These are my edits. Cheers, Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 11:24, 15 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - Done so far, Parsecboy. Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 02:39, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    - Great work, happy to support now. Parsecboy (talk) 12:02, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.