Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 September 14

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User:Gooch1501/Patrick_W_Timberlake

This is my first attempt at a submission, please let me know what you think needs to be improved

Gooch1501 (talk) 03:01, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Basically well-written, sources look good. A few issues:

check spelling and place-names - "Spetember" instead of September, etc.
The General's Awards - The Bronze Star, Legion of Merit and Distinguished Service Medal are all very important American military honors (especially the Bronze Star) - The why of Timberlake receiving these medals is important, the stories behind the awards would help bolster notability.
The form of your references are kind-of not quite 'right' for Wikipedia. Please take a look at: Citing sources and Referencing for beginners. I think the form that you are going for is 'inline-citations', 'Referencing for beginners' has a great section on that.
Since this is your first attempt at creating an article, you need to be careful of possibly straying into cutting & pasting information directly from other sources.
The text seems a little dry to me, 'He did this and then he did that'...as the article-creator, you need to keep in mind the "Why" this person is notable, the Why they should be included in this digital encyclopedia.

In my opinion it's a great first draft, just needs some general polishing. I've placed some useful links on your userpage that should be helpful as you continue improving this article. Shearonink (talk) 12:20, 16 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:Chesszorro/Valeri_Lilov

Today I spent a lot of time on research and found many independent sources in newspapers and significant websites, writing about Valeri Lilov and his achievements in the field of chess. As someone wrote, “links to three articles about Valeri Lilov's importance that have been published in newspapers” will suffice for this article to be kept, so here are those three links, all taken from leading Bulgarian newspapers, each with a big article about Valeri Lilov: (1) “24 Hours” Newspaper: http://translate.google.com/translate?js=y&prev=_t&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&layout=1&eotf=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.24chasa.bg%2FArticle.asp%3FArticleId%3D62347&sl=bg&tl=en (2) “Trud” Newspaper: http://translate.google.com/translate?js=y&prev=_t&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&layout=1&eotf=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.moreto.net%2Fnovini.php%3Fn%3D8926&sl=bg&tl=en (3) “Varna Sport” Newspaper: http://translate.google.com/translate?js=y&prev=_t&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&layout=1&eotf=1&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.varna-sport.com%2Findex.php%3Fpg%3Dnews1%26NewsID%3D1103822752%26NewsCat%3D6&sl=bg&tl=en. I have added all of them in the article, properly supporting important information about Valeri’s significant achievements as Bulgarian chess player. I believe, earning Varna Award (the official award of the second biggest city in Bulgaria), earning one-year scholarship by one of the leading Bulgarian newspapers “24 hours”, given personally by the president, and taking first place at the European School Chess Championship at the age of 10 do make people famous and not only regionally, but also internationally.

To further support the legit nobility of the subject of this article, I have provided a number of additional independent sources, citing various information about Valeri Lilov. Among the additional independent sources, cited in the present form of the article are The Official Bulgarian Correspondence Chess Website, The Official Website of Rakovski Middle School in Varna, and the completely unrelated to Valeri Lilov website www.BgSever.info.

Someone also wrote that “if he hasn't been written about in any depth by any chess publication anywhere, he isn’t famous”. The fact is: he has been written about in considerable depth in many chess and non-chess publications. Should his Wikipedia Page be deleted? Can anyone help further improve this article, if anything else is needed in terms of formating, proper Wikipedia language, or anything else? I am looking forward to reading Wikipedia experts’ responses here!

Chesszorro (talk) 07:37, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Well-written article, supported by reliable sources that clearly establish the notability of the subject as a professionally ranked chess player and teacher. Cindamuse (talk) 22:39, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:AmitabhPatra/Narsinghnath

Hi,

I have started this article, and working on the same. Please have a look at this and give me your feedback. Thanks

AmitabhPatra (talk) 10:29, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Wikipedia articles are not considered reliable sources. Please use inline citations to cite your sources. Bejinhan talks 12:44, 16 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Yves Romestan

I have just created an article on Yves Romestan Communications Director of Alliance Boots, Please let me know if this article adheres to Wikipedia standards. Thank You Bret Bretjs (talk) 11:21, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I would say it does not, for two reasons. First, in format and level of detail about work history, it reads just like somebody's resume (yours?), not an encyclopedia article.

Second, there are thousands of big corporations in the world with hundreds of thousands of people working for them. The article as currently written does not seem to make a convincing case for the notability of the subject, and thus is a likely candidate for deletion.

Per WP:ANYBIO, to be notable, these are the basic criteria:

The person has received a well-known and significant award or honor, or has been nominated for one several times. (or . . .)
The person has made a widely recognized contribution that is part of the enduring historical record in his or her specific field.[7]

I see that the article has 10 inline citations, but they all seem to be from trade journals, which to my mind doesn't quite make the subject notable. Many thousands of people are named in trade publications every year, but that alone does not make them notable for simply doing the jobs they were hired to do. If the subject were the CEO of this major corporation, well then maybe . . . depending on the criteria already mentioned.

But otherwise, I don't think so. Unless you can show that the subject has done something unusual or outstanding that any other communications director doesn't do in the usual course of work, or something newsworthy beyond merely working for a major corporation, or something historically significant, or won a major, well-known award . . . etc.

User:Academia14/Order_of_White_Knights

Can someone else finish this article and publish it. I found it difficult to get the information in the first place. Plus, finding it difficult to navigate on this site. However, I feel the information is notable and worthy to publish. In part to expose this group. I'm particularly interested to discover links with USA organisations. Thanks in advance.

Academia14 (talk) 12:39, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

You will need more references. Every paragraph needs refs. So far, you only have one reference. Please add more. Bejinhan talks 13:08, 16 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Instead of using bold font for each paragraph, I would suggest that you use proper section headers, like this:

==Early life==

which creates a section with 'Early life' as the name. Chevy monte carlo 14:11, 17 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

TeleAdapt_Ltd.

Please help me with my first post! Thanks! Dougnairn (talk) 14:18, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Welcome to Wikipedia! This is a well-written article. I made a quick copyedit. The primary concerns focus on notability. Notability is determined by significant coverage reflected through reliable sources that are independent of the subject. This would exclude the company's website. The references used from sources that mention the subject briefly in ranking lists are not considered significant. The priority at this point involves research to find reliable sources that are independent of the subject. Best wishes, Cindamuse (talk) 09:00, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Blunt_Force_Trauma

Please can someone verify that the bibliographic details about the forthcoming book 'Blunt Force Trauma' are all correct. On behalf of the publisher, thank you for your help.

Constablebooks (talk) 14:40, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

It's currently rather promotional. Nothing really is notable about this book- it hasn't received significant coverage in external sources. Not really suitable for an article. sonia♫ 12:37, 17 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Darren_LaCroix

Hi guys, this is my first article, I'd appreciate any feedback and comments. Thank you in advance! Google Child (talk) 14:46, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I know I have already reviewed this article but I don't think any improvements are needed, really, at least from the structure/layout/design point of view. You seem to have it suitably referenced as well. Chevy monte carlo 04:33, 17 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I am concerned about this article. While the subject appears notable, much of the article is a copy/paste and close paraphrase from the sources provided. The article needs to be rewritten. See WP:COPYPASTE. Cindamuse (talk) 10:39, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:Amargolina/Copper-peptide_GHK-Cu

Hi, I am working on an article about copper peptide GHK-Cu. I want to move it to the main page so other contributors can review it and edit if needed. Do you think it is ready to move? Any suggestion on how to improve it? Thank you.

Amargolina (talk) 17:51, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I've made a few corrections, but I think it's ready to be moved. You can use the 'Move' function (click on the 'Move' tab at the top of article). Chevy monte carlo 04:31, 17 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:Onemetreinitiative/The_One_Metre_Initiative

Onemetreinitiative (talk) 18:10, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback has really been given at Articles for Creation by Chzz already. His advice is probably much more comprehensive than mine so I won't attempt adding more comments. Chevy monte carlo 04:28, 17 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

CareerEdge.ca

Hello - I noted a gap in Canadian information around internships and diversity employment and added this article about Canada's not-for-profit agency that supplies diversity internships. As per wikipedia's instructions, I am seeking review/feedback for the article to be published.

Many thanks!

Writemich (talk) 19:14, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This does not seem to be a notable site, despite some (pretty thin) references. Shritwod (talk) 20:59, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Try and display those last three references in the list using inline citations like you have done for the other references. Chevy monte carlo 04:26, 17 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Ixia (XXIA)

I've just posted this entry, and would like to get some feedback from more experienced users before adding more information. Thanks in advance for your feedback!

Alexismcd (talk) 19:58, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

It's a nice little article; you've done a nice job with the references and infobox. Be careful with the tone and language of the article though; it can easily sound like an advertisement. Chevy monte carlo 04:20, 17 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:Ktraino1/Nerd Girl

I am looking for general suggestions and advice on my first Wikipedia entry. I've tried to use the online article writing help, and hope I've done okay. I know time is valuable -- thanks in advance for your help.

Ktraino1 (talk) 01:32, 15 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]