Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 December 17

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User:Dennismday/Becoming a Trappist or Trappistine

This is a first-time article. I would like to know if it meets the common standards for an article.

Dennismday (talk) 01:29, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The page is nicely written, but I don't think that an article on such a specific, narrow subject meets our standards for inclusion. It's more of a how-to page or essay than an encyclopedia article. You might like to read WP:Notability and WP:What Wikipedia is not.

At a minimum, to make a case for it being an encyclopedia article, you would have to re-write the entire thing from WP:Independent sources (i.e., sources with no connection to the Trappists), and to write from a WP:Neutral perspective (e.g., not "WP:PEACOCKing" subject by saying things like "Trappists warmly welcome newcomers").

Having said that, you might consider improving the existing articles by expanding them to include some of this information. While "Becoming a Trappist of Trappistine" is probably not a notable subject, the Trappists and Trappistines as an WP:ORGanization undoubtedly are. WhatamIdoing (talk) 21:35, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Mokokchung Village

Any feedback is welcome.

Limasenla (talk) 02:20, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I have fedback on this article here. Is this a duplicate request? I see you have since enlisted the help of Wikiproject India, so I'm assuming it is. If this is a request for further or more detailed feedback, you could also try WP:Peer Review.--Ykraps (talk) 15:42, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Slobodan Joksimovic

Slobodan Slobo Joksimovic (talk) 08:55, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:Slobodan Slobo Joksimovic/Elektronika kroz istoriju appears to be the article in question.

Molimo vas da ne dodajete tekst na hrvatskom jeziku Wikipediji na engleskom jeziku. Vaši doprinosi su i više nego dobrodošli na Wikipediji na hrvatskom jeziku.

Please do not contribute text in Croatian to English Wikipedia. Your contributions are more than welcome at the Croatian Wikipedia.

On the English Wikipedia, everything must be written in English. WhatamIdoing (talk) 06:32, 18 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Mormon Pioneer National Heritage Area

This is my first article. Just want some general feedback. Does it follow the correct formatting?

Eprobe (talk) 13:41, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

In terms of correct formatting, the article's structure seems to follow the guidelines of Wikipedia:Manual of Style (layout).

Because you have the MPNHA (PDF) document in your "References", it should not be included in "External Links". Wikipedia:Manual of Style (layout)#External links.

Because you have two references (#1 and #7) to one document, you should use the name attribute when you first make the reference, and then refer to the document the second time like this: <ref name="somename" />. See Wikipedia:Citing sources#Footnotes. Perhaps editors with more experience will have further comments.

While giving the overall article a cursory glance (looking for references, Wikilinks, etc.) I noticed one Wikilink that might be beneficial: where you refer to "All American Road". The Wikipedia article is "National Scenic Byway". There are a few other opportunities for Wikilinks too, if you are so inclined. Tkotc (talk) 19:45, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Malcolm VandenBurg ‎

I have tried to address the previous comments, I really don't think it reads like and advert now, as it's not one! Also I have linked the article to other pages so it it less like a crying orphon.

Thanks

Lexgenn (talk) 13:47, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:Sjpanther/Ian Edwards (Musician)

Looking for feedback on my first article - is it in correct format and citations/referenced correctly?

Thanks :-)

Sjpanther (talk) 14:54, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

No doubt about it, getting references right is tedious. First: your references to external web sites to verify the statements you make in your article should be enclosed in <ref></ref> tags. So what goes inside those tags? For web pages I suggest you use one of the templates at Wikipedia: Citation templates. Use the one that starts "Cite web". Copy and paste it after the first <ref> tag. Then after the final }} in the template, add the </ref> tag. Fill in the fields as best you can. Then you can remove the line feeds to put the whole thing in an inline fashion if you like (using the article's example): <ref>{{Cite web | last = Spiegel | first = Rachel | title = Research: Thalido… | url=http://science-educat… | accessdate = 30 April 2006 }} </ref>.

Although you only asked about formatting, I suggest that you do what you can to show your subject meets the Wikipedia:Notability (music) guidelines.Tkotc (talk) 20:04, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:Marcus h Webb/delayed gratification magazine

Hello I have created a page for Delayed Gratification magazine, but I am also the editor of the publication. I realize this is a COI, but I do believe the magazine to be worthy of inclusion to wikipedia and have done endeavored to keep the tone neutral and in Wikipedia style. I would appreciate any feedback.

Marcus h Webb (talk) 15:21, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Marcus,

I believe that the magazine (perhaps barely) meets the standard set by WP:CORP. Although you have a conflict of interest, the stub presents no more than the facts named in the WP:Independent sources.

I've fixed the formatting for your refs, and removed the duplicate listing in the ==External links== section. The page's history will let you see exactly what I did. Here are the things you might like to do before WP:MOVEing it to the main namespace:

Add appropriate categories to the end of the page.
Write proper bibliographic citations for the independent sources.
Add an (optional) WP:Infobox. See Template:Infobox magazine for the one that is probably most appropriate.

You might be interested in joining Wikipedia:WikiProject Journalism, a group of editors who are also interested in improving Wikipedia's articles about journalism.

Good luck, WhatamIdoing (talk) 21:51, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Circulating Microvesicles

Bwright33 (talk) 15:39, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I've cleaned up some of the formatting for you, and moved the page to Circulating microvesicle to conform with Wikipedia's in-house style.

A few thoughts:

You're treading awfully close to the plagiarism line. For example, your first sentence says, "The identification of small, membrane-bound vesicles has opened a new era in the understanding of cell signaling and the process of molecular communication between cells", which—although not a verbatim copy—is remarkably similar to the first sentence in Pap's paper. You absolutely must write in your own words, without taking sentences from other sources. Please review your sources and your sentences and make sure that they are obviously different in every single case.
You need to add some appropriate categories to help readers find this article. One way to do this is to find some very similar articles and see what categories they list (at the very bottom of the page).
Wikipedia is not an advertising opportunity. We do not use ™ or ® in articles, ever. Please remove them from this and any other article that you've put them in. Similarly, links to your company's website are inappropriate in articles. See WP:CITE#Embedded_links and WP:ELNO#EL19 for more information on what not to do.
It's not necessary to provide a wikilink to exosome (vesicle) every time you mention the word. Usually, once or twice per article is enough. (I fixed most of this for you already.) However, you might want to add links to other words. One rule of thumb is to link to the first instance of any word that you don't think a high school student would have heard. (Adjust this rule to whatever you think makes the most sense for this particular article, and keeps you from having half the words linked in the same sentence.)

Good luck, WhatamIdoing (talk) 05:48, 18 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

One more thing: The citation format that you've chosen, while "legal", is unpopular on Wikipedia. If anyone adds another reference, it throws the numbering off. If you want, you could convert this to List-defined references without too much work. Here are the steps:

Open the "References" section of the paper. Where it currently says {{Reflist}}, replace it with {{Reflist |refs= (Note that the double-close-curly braces are now missing.)
Replace each # (hash sign to get a numbered list with this code: <ref name = XXXX>, except using something sensible for the XXXX. (I like to use the first author's last name, but you can use any word (but not just numbers) you want. If your choice has a space in it, then you need to put it in double quotes: <ref name = "van Doormal">).
At the end of every citation, type </ref>. At the end of the very last citation, type }} (the double-close curly-braces that we took away in step 1).
Save that. (Don't worry about the red error message it will create; we're going to fix it in the next step.)
Open the whole page. Replace each instance of the superscript and number with the new code name, e.g., <ref name = XXXX> or <ref name = "van Doormal">, that you gave each source, exactly like you did below, but (critical step!) adding a forward slash after the name, so that it says <ref name = XXXX /> or <ref name = "van Doormal" />

This takes a little while, but it will let you take advantage of the software's willingness to automatically renumber everything for you whenever you (or anyone else) happen to feel like moving paragraphs around. If you run into problems, feel free to leave a message for me. WhatamIdoing (talk) 06:08, 18 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:Joepkirby

This is an article about Joe Kirby who was an important figure in South Dakota history. He helped shape South Dakota law in its formative years, started one of the preeminent law offices in the area in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, founded an important business and participated in the creation of several others.

Joepkirby (talk) 16:32, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I've given some feedback at Talk:Joe Kirby --Hermajesty21 (talk) 22:56, 19 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Dark_Dark_Dark

Please review this article to make sure I've dotted my i's and crossed my t's. Thanks!

Bobbybooth (talk) 19:52, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Your references are messed up. For each statement or paragraph where you wish to provide a reference, I suggest you go about it this way. First, type a <ref> tag. Then, for web pages, I suggest you use one of the templates at Wikipedia: Citation templates. Use the one that starts "Cite web". Copy and paste it after the first <ref> tag. Then after the final }} in the template, add the </ref> tag. Fill in the fields as best you can. Then you can remove the line feeds to put the whole thing in an inline fashion if you like (using the article's example): <ref>{{Cite web | last = Spiegel | first = Rachel | title = Research: Thalido… | url=http://science-educat… | accessdate = 30 April 2006 }} </ref>.

I think the Line Up and Discography sections could be perked up a bit. You could look at Wikipedia:WikiProject Discographies/style for ideas, or see how other artist articles have done it.

Although you only asked about formatting, I suggest that you do what you can to make it clear that your subject meets the Wikipedia:Notability (music) guidelines. Perhaps say why on the article's talk page. Tkotc (talk) 20:39, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:Patlewis_Squirrelsrock/Edelman_v._N2H2

The issue is i am not sure if it is written well enough or that it is long enough to be article

I think i have the right resources. I just not sure if it is written to wiki standards or that it is long enough. Any help is appreciated

Patlewis Squirrelsrock (talk) 19:55, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I am expressly not commenting on whether the subject is notable or otherwise appropriately a Wikipedia article. However, since you seem to have put a lot of work into it, I'll try to help in the writing/formatting areas.

(1) Find another court case as article on Wikipedia and use the same conventions for titles and how to construct the introductory line. Is there a citation to an official or unofficial reporter? Exactly how this is done can be a tediously technical exercise, so follow some example if you are not familiar with the conventions. (2) Within your article, your references to the case should follow Wikipedia conventions. See Wikipedia:Citation templates for "court case" (look for "Cite court" template). An example of how to fill in the template is provided. Copy and paste and fill in the blanks. (3) I have no idea who the party N2H2 is. You need to provide a Wikilink to an article about N2H2 or make the identity clear. (4) Your first heading should be "reasons for declaratory judgment" -- watch spelling. (5) "He" appears to be Edelman. In your article, refer to him by his surname. E.g. "Edelman stated that ..." (6) Remove "example.com" from References. (7) Your references are messed up. Use the "Cite web" template, fill in the blanks, then put a <ref></ref> pair of tags around each of these citations. Don't write anything under {{Reflist}} and let the system do the work for you. (8) Reread and Proofread. (9) Come back for more feedback. Tkotc (talk) 21:06, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Richard_Susskind

Hey there,

I think I have the article in basics about right. I have links, sources and stuff. The information is neutral and verifiable. But now I want to embellish it a bit, and make it easy to find - o stumble on to, for others.

195.241.47.19 (talk) 20:08, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:Zeeuwus/Matt "I'm Movin' On" Lucas ‎

This is my first article and although I have written for various music magazines before I like some feedback before I complete the article with more wikipedia links. I did add links to the first couple of paragraphs but then thought it better to ask for some feedback.

Zeeuwus (talk) 21:57, 17 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]