Wikipedia:Peer review/Niek Vossebelt/archive1

Niek Vossebelt

I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like feedback on my articles regarding association footballers. I use a lot of time on improving my writing and adding sources to existing articles. This is a good example of an article, which I have improved from stub status, and I'd like to know what is good and what I can improve.

Thanks, Bocanegra (talk) 17:09, 9 March 2023 (UTC)

@Bocanegra Hello! Before we get started, I must address that I've never performed a peer review before, so I hope it won't be too sketchy: however, since I feel like I've got a good amount of experience with football-related articles at this point, I'll give it a try.

I'll come back to you once I've finished reviewing your article! Oltrepier (talk) 10:11, 25 March 2023 (UTC)

@Bocanegra So, the article overall is pretty well structured and referenced: I think archiving most of the citations was an especially smart move, and something I should do more frequently, too...

My biggest issues with this article actually involve phrasing and WP:MOS. I've already made a few minor fixes by myself, just so you can have a general idea about what I intend, but still, I think some phrases throughout the article could either be edited or trimmed. Let me bring you some examples:

- The lead section is okay, but usually we don't use citations there, so I'd suggest you to move them to the "Career" section, as well. Also, if you want to provide some details about the player's position ("box-to-box midfielder") and skills, I think you should rather create the "Style of play" section, which usually goes right between "Career" and "Personal life".

- "He was picked up by FC Zwolle in 2006, and developed quickly in their academy" - I would turn it into: "He then signed for FC Zwolle in 2006, and came through their youth ranks".

- "During his first months as part of Zwolle's first team, he was coached by former Netherlands international Jaap Stam, first as an assistant, later as caretaker manager" - I would make this sentence a bit clearer at the end, like this: "[...], who served both as an assistant and a caretaker manager throughout that same campaign".

(Adding a link for the caretaker manager role could be useful for readers who don't follow football/sports closely.)

- "On 19 May 2010, after Vossebelt had turned down Zwolle's contract extension, he signed a three-year contract with Eredivisie club Willem II." - You already wrote about Vossebelt rejecting Zwolle's new offer right above this sentence, so I don't think it's necessary to reiterate it, to be honest...

- "The following season with Willem II in the Eerste Divisie, Vossebelt played more regularly, making 28 total appearances in which he scored two goals." - This sentence looks a bit too unclear and redundant, too, so I would go with: "The following season, the midfielder played more regularly, scoring two goals in 28 total appearances."

(Here, adding a link to the league campaign might be important for the context, as you then wrote about Willem winning the promotional play-offs.)

- "A free agent, Vossebelt trialled with Eerste Divisie club FC Emmen from 2 October 2014. He impressed, and 14 October he signed a one-year contract until 2015 with the club." - Could we make it a single sentence, rather than splitting it in two, and reduce redundancy? Maybe, something like this: "After becoming a free agent and going on a successful trial with Eerste Divisie club FC Emmen, Vossebelt signed a one-year contract with the club on 14 October 2014."

- "In play-offs for promotion, they were knocked out by Roda JC 3–2 on aggregate." - I would turn it into: "His side eventually missed out on promotion, having suffered a 3–2 loss to Roda JC on aggregate."

- "Vossebelt was a solid starter during his three seasons in Den Bosch, making 100 appearances in which he scored 21 goals. He was especially efficient in front of goal in final season at the club, 2017–18. He scored 15 goals in 38 appearances, including a hat-trick against Jong PSV on 29 September 2017. The feat made him season top goalscorer for the club, despite being a midfielder." - This is another block of text that needs to be re-organized... I would propose this edit: "Vossebelt was a regular starter during his three seasons at Den Bosch: during the 2017–18 campaign, his last one with the club, he became the club's top goalscorer, despite being a midfielder, having scored 15 goals in 38 appearances, including a hat-trick against Jong PSV on 29 September 2017."

- "On 30 July 2020, Vossebelt signed a two-year contract with Eerste Divisie club Roda JC, his sixth professional club in 11 years." - The last part doesn't look so necessary to me...

- "Vossebelt signed a two-year contract extension with Roda on 23 June 2022, keeping him at the club until 2024." - Let's re-organize it like this: "On 23 June 2022, he extended his contract with Roda until June 2024."

(I tend to keep dates at the start of each sentence, whenever it's possible.)

Right, that's all I've got for now. I hope I've been clear and helpful enough! Oltrepier (talk) 11:50, 25 March 2023 (UTC)

Have you already thought about nominating this article for WP:GA?

After making these changes, I think you could give it a try! Oltrepier (talk) 20:29, 28 March 2023 (UTC)

I will! Thanks again. Bocanegra (talk) 18:42, 29 March 2023 (UTC)