Wikipedia:Peer review/Lana Turner/archive1
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I've listed this article for peer review as it was a previous FA nominee but did not make it to promotion, and I feel it is at FA status at this point. It received rather extensive commentary (Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Lana Turner/archive1) in the last FA nomination, but it was suggested I submit a peer review request to gather further momentum toward getting the article promoted. Thanks, Drown Soda (talk) 05:10, 26 August 2018 (UTC)
- comments by Vyeh
A complete peer-review will take some time. I'm posting an initial comment and my commitment to prevent the peer review from being closed due to inactivity.
External links
Wikipedia:External links#Links normally to be avoided, #11. ... most fansites (negative ones included), except those written by a recognized authority. (This exception for blogs, etc., controlled by recognized authorities is meant to be very limited; as a minimum standard, recognized authorities who are individuals always meet Wikipedia's notability criteria for people.) The last link is 'Lana Turner Online – fansite!' Vyeh (talk) 12:00, 29 September 2018 (UTC)
Links should be kept to a minimum. All the material in the first three links (AllMovie, IMDB and TCM Movie Database) should already be in the article. I don't believe "Find the Grave" adds any information that isn't in the article. Ditto on the Oral Cancer Foundation link. And this also violates Wikipedia:External links#Links normally to be avoided: "4. Links mainly intended to promote a website, including online petitions and crowdfunding pages. See Wikipedia:Spam § External link spamming." The Lana Turner Media archive falls squarely into Wikipedia:External links#What can normally be linked: "Sites that contain neutral and accurate material that is relevant to an encyclopedic understanding of the subject and cannot be integrated into the Wikipedia article due to copyright issues, amount of detail (such as professional athlete statistics, movie or television credits, interview transcripts, or online textbooks), or other reasons." Vyeh (talk) 12:03, 3 October 2018 (UTC)
Lead section
The lead section follows Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section. The infobox looks great. Vyeh (talk) 16:43, 4 October 2018 (UTC)
Life and career: 1921 - 1936
well-written
Excellent. I was interested throughout the whole section. I like the use of the notes b, c, d with their own footnotes as a device to discuss interesting points without going off on tangents. In my opinion, just the right length and the prose was excellent. Vyeh (talk) 18:30, 9 October 2018 (UTC)
comprehensive
When I read a biography about someone's childhood, the questions that come to mind:
(1) birth order. (a) were there siblings or half-siblings? (b) if so, how many (half) brothers and (half) sisters? (c) if so, was she the first? (2) schooling. (especially since the title is "... education") (a) did she drop out? (b) was the Convent of Immaculate Conception an adjunct or a substitute for her (high school) education.
For this article: (3) Was she in any school or local plays in addition to dancing at the Elks chapter and the charity function? (4) How old was her mother when Lana was born? (Or you can give the year her parents met and/or eloped.) (5) Was there a reason for the separation (father's gambling, money, an affair)? (6) When Lana lived with family friends and acquaintances, was that apart from her mother? (7) How old was Lana when she was at the covenant? (Alternatively, the year.) Vyeh (talk) 19:25, 10 October 2018 (UTC)
Life and career: 1937-1939
well-written
Excellent. I was interested throughout the whole section.
comprehensive
Yes. Vyeh (talk) 20:27, 11 October 2018 (UTC)
Life and career: 1940-1945
Judy Garland
Third sentence: Why isn't there a wiki link for Judy Garland? I checked and there is an article.
well-written
Compared to the previous section, this section dragged. The subtitle of the section is "War years and establishment as a sex symbol." Besides discussing the films, roles, co-stars, profitability and critical reception of her films, the section could focus on her sales of war bonds, visits to hospitals and appearing on the noses of fighter planes as it does in the 4th paragraph and her establishment as a sex symbol as another paragraph as opposed to being spread out.
I'd consider eliminating or substantially paring down "Ziegfeld Girl marked a personal and professional shift for Turner: She claimed it as the first role that got her "interested in acting,"[73] and the studio, impressed by her performance, marketed the film as featuring her in "the best role of the biggest picture to be released by the industry's biggest company."[74] The film's high box-office returns concurrently elevated Turner's bankability, and MGM gave her a weekly salary raise to $1,500 as well as a personal makeup artist and trailer.[75] After completing the film, Turner and co-star Garland remained lifelong friends, and lived next-door to one another in the 1950s.[76]" in the first paragraph; "MGM had initially cast Turner in the lead, but Tracy specifically requested Bergman for the part.[78] The studio re-cast Turner in the smaller role, though she was still given top-billing.[78]" in the second; and "The Turner-Gable films' successes were often heightened by gossip-column rumors about a relationship between the two.[82]" and "however, the production was halted for several weeks after the death of Gable's wife, Carole Lombard, in a plane crash.[84] Meanwhile, the press continued to fuel rumors that Turner and Gable were romantic offscreen, which Turner vehemently denied.[85] "I adored Mr. Gable, but we were [just] friends," she later recalled. "When six o'clock came, he went his way and I went mine."[33]" in the third.
comprehensive
As stated above, too comprehensive. Vyeh (talk) 02:00, 24 October 2018 (UTC)
Life and Career: 1946-47
well-written
1st paragraph: I believe there should be a paragraph break between "The Postman Always Rings Twice became a major box office success, which prompted the studio to take more risks on Turner, casting her outside of the glamorous sex symbol roles she had come to be known for." (the sentence after the block quote) and "In August 1946, it was announced she was set to replace Katharine Hepburn in the big-budget historical drama Green Dolphin Street (1947), a role for which she darkened her hair and lost 15 pounds." (which begins several sentences discussing Green Dolphin Street). I found the material before my proposed break well-written and interesting.
(My) 2nd paragraph: The prose can be improved:
- "In August 1946, it was announced ..." --> "In August 1946, MGM announced ..."
- "The film was produced by Carey Wilson, who insisted on casting Turner based on her performance in The Postman Always Rings Twice ..." --> "Carey Wilson, the film's producer, insisted on Turner based on The Postman Always Rings Twice ...
- Switch the order of the sentence above and 'Turner later recalled she was surprised about replacing Hepburn, saying: "I'm about the most un-Hepburnish actress on the lot. But it was just what I wanted to do."' (Currently, the sentence about LT replacing KH is followed by the sentence about CW insisting on LT and the role, which is followed by the sentence about LT's surprise at replacing KH.)
The material about Green Dolphin Street seems to be an afterthought to The Postman. As I mentioned under "comprehensive," Green Dolphin Street can be fleshed out. I think it would be more interesting with a well-chosen quote from the critics.
(My) 3rd paragraph: I found the material well-written and interesting.
(My) 4th paragraph: Add "with" in first sentence: "In August 1947— only moments after having completed filming of Cass Timberlane— Turner agreed to appear as the female lead in the World War II-set romantic drama Homecoming (1948), in which she was again paired with Clark Gable, portraying a female army lieutenant who falls in love with an American surgeon (Gable)." Besides this grammatical error, there are other places where the prose could be tightened:
- "only moments after having completed filming of Cass Timberlane" --> "moments after completing Cass Timberlane"
- "Turner agreed to appear as the female lead" --> "Turner agreed to be the female lead"
- "in the World War II-set romantic drama Homecoming (1948)" --> "in the World War II romantic drama Homecoming (1948)"
- "in which she was again paired with Clark Gable" --> "with Clark Gable"
- "portraying a female army lieutenant who falls in love an American surgeon (Gable)" --> "as an army lieutenant who falls in love with a surgeon"
- "She was the studio's first choice for the role, but they were reluctant to offer her the part, considering her overbooked schedule" --> "She was MGM's first choice, but it was reluctant to offer her the role, because of her overbooked schedule"
- 'Turner and Gable were nicknamed "the team that generates steam."' --> '____ nicknamed Turner and Gable "the team that generates steam."'
comprehensive
(My) 2nd paragraph: What was the critical and commercial reception to Green Dolphin Street?
(My) 3rd paragraph: What was the commercial reception?
(My) 4th paragraph: I assume "the team that generates steam" was a critical reception. What was the commercial reception?
Vyeh (talk) 15:59, 18 November 2018 (UTC)
Life and career: 1948–1952
well written
This section was engaging, except the final sentence about Latin Lovers seems to be an afterthought. I looked in the following section to see if it was a transition.
comprehensive
What was the critical reception to The Three Musketeers? What was her role in Latin Lovers? Was it unfinished (there is no year in parenthetical after the title)? If unfinished, why? If finished, what was its commercial and critical reception?