Jump to content

Wikipedia:Peer review/Félix Houphouët-Boigny/archive1

Add links
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Félix Houphouët-Boigny

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because, quite frankly, I would like to see this article become featured.

Thanks, --I'm an Editorofthewiki[citation needed] 00:36, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Initial Comments from Meldshal42 (talk · contribs)

Alright, getting specific Please add a ref *Doubts remain as to the identity of his father.

I want to know more, and I'm sure I'm not alone.

Alright, I think I am done here so far. --Meldshal [Chat] 18:11, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Other images to be removed:Cocoa bean and the place where he worked at. --Meldshal [Wanna chat?] {contribs} 23:21, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Feel free to remove them yourself, but I personally like a lot of images, to spice up the article and make it look more interesting. --I'm an Editorofthewiki[citation needed] 01:12, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Blofeld In terms of content this a quite an excellent article and for an article on an Ivorian person is wonderfully resourceful and detailed. If only we could get this kind of coverage for all African subjects and this encyclopedia would be a far better place. For me the strongest part of the article is the coverage of the eocnomy particularly 1960s and 1970s section.

However I do have a number of general areas that need to be addressed. The article undoubtedly needs a major copy edit. In nearly every paragraph or section there are phrases or sentences in need or rewording and general polishing. In some places it is quite sloppy and at times even difficult to read because either a sentence is too short or is too long which affects the comprehension of the article. The other major problem is the article structure I think. Some seperate paragraphs are unnecessary and should either be merged together or sections fused into others. I would strongly recommmend merging some of the latter sections into the main body of the article. In African Politics is very much a part of the main body of the article and I;d rather see a comprehensive section which highlights all of the main points. The death section in my view should be nearer the bottom and the award section last. Occasionally the article repeats itself. What it needs now is a major copy edit and restructure in places which if achieved will become a superb article eventually. ♦Blofeld of SPECTRE♦ $1,000,000? 12:56, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments Basically all the refs are in French, which is to be expected for an article translated from fr.wiki. Obviously also since Cote d'Ivoire is Francophone/former French colony, most of the published info will be in French. HOWEVER, WP:V requires that English sources, where available, be used in preference to foreign-language sources. Have you looked through the English-language literature at all to see if some of the more basic facts could be referenced to such sources? Calliopejen1 (talk) 08:34, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Awadewit List of comments generated by copyediting the article this morning:

  • There was a lot of overlinking in this article - obvious terms, terms linked multiple times - I have tried to take care of some of this while copyediting, but someone should look over the article checking just for this.
  • Overall the structure of the article needs to be improved. Details about FHB's political career are spread out over his biography and the "African political career" section in a confusing way. It is not at all clear what the principle was for placing some events in a separate section from the biography. I would try to integrate these into one seamless narrative. The same is true of the "Personal life" section - the details in that section should be integrated into the biography as a whole. We cannot separate his private life from this public life in this way, clearly - they are tied together.
    • Moved all of "African political career" into other sections. I still have some concerns about the organization of "President of Côte d'Ivoire". I typically write biographies in roughly chronological order; this article is separated not by decades or years, but by aspects of Houphouët-Boigny's presidency. As for the personal life, I'll see what I can do. I don't know if it can be done, seeing as how the article jumps all over the place. Nishkid64 (Make articles, not wikidrama) 13:55, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The second paragraph of the lead does not quite hang together. The first part is about how he ran the country and its economy, but the information about the capital and the church doesn't seamlessly flow from that.
  • However, doubts remain about the accuracy of this date as the Baoulé do not maintain a birth register - To me, this would read better as "birth registries", but would it be more correct to say "a birth registry" for the Bauole?
  • In honor of his entry into politics, he decided to add Boigny, meaning "irresistible force" in Baoulé (symbolizing his role as a leader)[1] to his surname, thus becoming Félix Houphouët-Boigny. - I'm a bit unclear on what exactly is the symbol here. This needs to be reworded.
    • Reworded to "At this point, he decided to add "Boigny", meaning "irresistible force" in Baoulé (symbolizing his role as a leader),[7] to his surname, thus becoming Félix Houphouët-Boigny.[17]" I wasn't sure what the first part meant either. I can only guess that he added "Boigny" to bolster his political cred. Nishkid64 (Make articles, not wikidrama) 15:41, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • In 1946, he was appointed a member of the Commission des territoires d'outre-mer (Commission of overseas territories), of which he regulated universal suffrage - Something is off here - "of which he regulated universal suffrage" - He promoted universal suffrage? He regulated voting? What?
  • As the Cold War set in, the alliance with the Communists became increasingly damaging for the RDA, especially when the PCF moved permanently in opposition in 1947. - "moved permanently in opposition" is unclear
  • Ultimately Houphouët-Boigny was saved by his parliamentary immunity, although his missed arrest was popularly attributed to his special powers and and his prestige. - I changed this sentence - please check its accuracy. Also, "special powers" sounds a bit like a superhero - perhaps something like "influence"?
  • His principal achievement in these roles was to create a shared organisation of Saharan regions that would help ensure energetic independence for the French Union - What is "energetic independence"?
  • Following the adoption of the Loi Cadre reform granting internal autonomy to many sub-Saharan African colonies on 23 June 1956, a territorial election was held in Côte d'Ivoire on 3 March 1957, in which the PDCI—transformed under Houphouët-Boigny's firm control into a political machine[1]—obtained a huge victory - What was the victory exactly? The PDCI was elected to posts inside Cote d'Ivoire?
  • Houphouët-Boigny, who was already serving as a minister in France, as President of the Territorial Assembly and of mayor of Abidjan, chose Auguste Denise to serve as Vice President of the Government Council of Côte d'Ivoire,[3] even if he remained, for France, the only interlocutor in the colony - Who is remaining in France?
  • His popularity and influence in France's African colonies, upon the growth of anti-French sentiment, had become so formidable that one French magazine claimed that by 1956, the politician's photograph "was in all the huts, on the lapels of coats, on the corsages of African women and even on the handlebars of bicycles." - The "his" in this sentence refers back to Denise - is the sentence supposed to be talking about FHB?
  • The referendum produced the French Community, an institution meant to be an association of free republics which had jurisdiction over foreign policy, defense, currency, common ethnic and financial policy, and strategic raw materials.[38] It did not long survive the referendum, however: at the end of 1959 de Gaulle allowed the Mali Federation to obtain independence within it. Upset by the President of France's move, the members of the Conseil de l'Entente and Houphouët-Boigny asked for Côte d'Ivoire's independence, which he proclaimed on 7 August 1960. - I have worked on these sentences, trying to make them clearer. Please check them for accuracy, particularly the part of the members of the council and their role.
  • To solve this problem, Houphouët-Boigny decided to exile Mockey in September 1959, claiming that Mockey had attempted to assassinate him using maleficent fetishes in the "complot du chat noir" (black cat conspiracy). - What? Is "fetish" really the right word here?
  • Gbagbo gained recognition as one of the principal instigators in the student demonstrations on 9 February 1982, which led to the closing of the universities and other educational institutions. - What were these demonstrations about? The sentence almost sounds as if the demonstrations were promoting the closing of the universities.
  • He made a point out of the President's age, suggesting that he was too old for a seventh five-year term.[5] Houphouët-Boigny did not counter this, instead broadcasting television footage of his youth, and he won 2,445,365 votes to 548,441. - The footage would suggest that FHB did counter the accusation of age. This is confusing.
  • Two important student demonstrations took place in May 1991 and February 1992. On 18 February (while Alassane Ouattara was the Prime Minister), Gbagbo was arrested and sentenced to two years in prison,[7] but was released in August. - There is no context for this. What was the context? Why were the demonstrations important? Is this important to have in the FHB article?
  • I think the section on Gbagbo could be cut down a bit.
  • The Francis Wodie section does not explain the nature of his opposition to FHB very well. Some more information is probably needed here.
  • Efforts were also made in education: in 1975, the enrollment rate for primary education was 17.3%, 5.1% for secondary education a 0.5% for higher education;[8] by 1985, the literacy rate was 57.3% for people over the age of 15.[8] - This statistical comparison is not particularly helpful, as it is comparing two different things.
  • From 1979, in order to prevent a sudden drop in prices, the government attempted to stand in the way of tariffs on raw materials by boycotting the world market prices. - unclear what "stand in the way of tariffs" is supposed to mean
  • Despite the implementation of certain measures, such as the reduction of the number of young French workers (who worked abroad in lieu of serving in the military) from 3,000 to 2,000 in 1986, which liberated thousands of jobs for young graduates from Côte d'Ivoire, the government failed to control the rising rates of unemployment and bankruptcy in many companies. - This is confusing.
  • Gbagbo went even further, claiming legal recognition of rights of national land - unclear
  • That Gbagbo was FHB's first presidential opponent should be mentioned once, not twice. It seems to flow more seamlessly in the in the "Social tensions" section.
  • The president was himself involved in this matter since his family received 6,700,000 CFA francs per month from the State. - It is not entirely clear what "this matter" is. Grammatically, it is referring to the LOGEMAD debacle, but the sentence itself seems broader than that. Something seems amiss....
  • The unveiling of such splendor, during a collapse of the national economy, did not have the effect Houphouët-Boigny hoped it would - What effect was that?

I only copyedited through the "Death and legacy" section, but I read the whole article, that's why my nitpicks focus on the early sections. :) Awadewit (talk) 16:38, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Peer_review/Félix_Houphouët-Boigny/archive1&oldid=1147871622"