Wikipedia:Peer review/Diving cylinder/archive1

Diving cylinder

I've listed this article for peer review because I want to take it to FAC and need ideas on how to improve it.

1. Are there any obvious or not so obvious omissions?
2. Is the article sufficiently accessible to a lay reader?
3. Are there any items that need clarification or expansion?
4. Are there any images that would significantly improve the article (I can produce reasonable quality graphics)?
5. Any other advice that might lead to improvement welcomed.

Thanks, • • • Peter (Southwood) ^(talk): 07:13, 7 August 2016 (UTC)

Comments from Dig deeper

Automated comments first...
Consider adding more links to the article; per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (links) and Wikipedia:Build the web, create links to relevant articles.
Avoid including galleries in articles, as per Wikipedia:Galleries. Common solutions to this problem include moving the gallery to wikicommons or integrating
images with the text.
Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space -   between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 5 litre, use 5 litre, which when you are
editing the page, should look like: 5 litre.[?]
Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), when doing conversions, please use standard abbreviations: for example, miles -> mi, kilometers squared -> km2, and pounds -> lb.[?]
When writing standard abbreviations, the abbreviations should not have a 's' to demark plurality (for example, change kms to km and lbs to lb).
Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to
==Biography==.[?]
Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally should not repeat the title of the article. For example, if the article was Ferdinand Magellan, instead of using the heading ==Magellan's
journey==, use ==Journey==.[?]
Per WP:WIAFA, this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long – consider shrinking it down by merging short sections or using a proper system of daughter pages as per Wikipedia:Summary style.[?]
This article may need to undergo summary style, where a series of appropriate subpages are used. For example, if the article is United States, then an appropriate subpage would be History of the United
States, such that a summary of the subpage exists on the mother article, while the subpage goes into more detail.[?]
Please make the spelling of English words consistent with either American or British spelling, depending upon the subject of the article. Examples include: aluminum (A) (British: aluminium), aluminium
(B) (American: aluminum), meter (A) (British: metre), recognize (A) (British: recognise), ization (A) (British: isation), isation (B) (American: ization), analyse (B) (American: analyze),
catalyze (A) (British: catalyse), grey (B) (American: gray), mould (B) (American: mold). Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”

The categories should be mutually exclusive. I would suggest making manufacture it's own subheading, not a subcategory of Parts of a cylinder. Also Parts of a cylinder says there are 2 parts, but later has accessories listed as a 3rd subheading.

This is a lengthy article, lots of detail. Might be considered data hoarding or perhaps a mini manual, I'll let you be the judge. Regardless, it would probably be a good idea to split up the article in several smaller articles eventually. It's a good article, obviously a lot of work went into this. Keep up the good work!Dig Deeper (talk) 23:33, 5 December 2016 (UTC)

Responses: Thank you for taking the time and trouble to review the article. I am working on your suggestions, but some are not clear to me.

• I will add some links where they may be useful, if there are any specific links you feel would improve the article, feel free to add them.
• I will remove galleries and integrate images into the text where appropriate. There are sets of images which become confusing and lose their impact if separated, those will remain in galleries until a workable alternative is suggested.
• From MOS:NUM: In general, a normal ("breaking") space is used between a number and a unit name, but a nonbreaking space between a number and a unit symbol As far as I can tell this is already done. The automated tool makes an inappropriate suggestion in this regard. It has been reported, but apparently not fixed.
• I could not find any standard abbreviations with an inappropriate plural "s", please specify where they were seen. I will fix as and when I find any.
• I have no control over the output format of convert functions. If I use "psi" as a parameter and the convert template outputs "pounds per square inch", what am I supposed to do about it?
• Please point out which "vague terms of size and quantity" are unnecessary and redundant. Most of the ones used appear to be serving a necessary and useful purpose, but I may have missed something.
• in Parts it is stated that there are two functional, (or essential) components. Accessories are optional - without them it remains a working diving cylinder. I will make this more clear. (done)
• I recently split off most of the material on testing and inspection of diving cylinders, as being too much detail. I am amenable to further splitting if anyone has a good suggestion for what to split out.

• • • Peter (Southwood) ^(talk): 14:03, 6 December 2016 (UTC)