Wikipedia:Peer review/Andrea Navagero/archive1

Andrea Navagero

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This article is by far my most complete thus far, and the one of which I am proudest. I've yet to participate in the FAC process, so besides the FAs and guidelines that I have read, I have no clue if it's anywhere near those standards. I'd like help getting it there, or, if it's still a long ways away, help improving the article in general. Thank you. Kimikel (talk) 01:07, 30 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Review by TheWikiToby

"... at the Aldine Press, garnering a reputation as scholar and a skilled writer." ----> "... at the Aldine Press, garnering a reputation as a scholar and skilled writer."
"... he was appointed the caretaker of a library containing the collection..." ----> "... he was appointed the caretaker of the Biblioteca Marciana containing the collection..." per MOS:EGG
"Navagero was born in 1483 to an established, wealthy Venetian family, the Navagero." ----> "Navagero was born in 1483 to the established and wealthy Navagero family." Feels less clunky to read imo. I don't believe linking to his surname helps the reader that much.
"His father was Bernardo Navagero..." Link
"... it was believed that he had the potential to become an ascendant and successful politician." By who?
"... garnering a reputation as an scholar and a skilled writer." Fix like before
"... following the League of Cambrai's declaration of war against the Venetian Republic." ----> "... following the League of Cambrai's declaration of war against the Venetian Republic." per WP:LINKCLARITY
"... granting Navagero a considerably large salary of 200 ducats a year." If possible, how much is that in modern money?
Italy is linked the second time it's mentioned rather than the first

Nice article. Very interesting to read. I hope this helped! TheWikiToby (talk) 17:31, 30 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I appreciate this review a lot. I've made all the changes except for the ducat one because I really have no idea how to go about converting that. Thank you very much! Kimikel (talk) 05:09, 2 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Airship

A good way of getting involved in the FAC process is to start reviewing other nominations, getting a feel for what other reviewers look for and what problems might appear in articles you've rewritten. Below are some comments similar to what I would review at FAC.

Lead

Lots of "Venice" in the first line. If you've said he's Venetian, I think it can be assume that he was born "in Venice", and that becomes redundant.

If the lead mentions his age at election so prominently, it should (concisely) mention why it's worthy of mention.

Say what the Aldine Press is, in both the lead and body. I would perhaps say "the Aldine Press printing office", if that is correct.

"on the request of Bartolomeo d'Alviano" again, if he's important enough to mention in the lead, say who he was. It doesn't need to be much—"the scholar Bessarion" is perfectly fine!

"between Charles V and Francis I" don't assume that people know who ruled where

Body

Do we know anything about his father or mother, aside from their family?

Who elected him to the Great Council, and do we know why they believed in his suitability?

"Navagero delivered a widely praised funeral oration for the general that lasted multiple hours, referencing d'Alviano's special fondness towards himself" couple of things: 1) "multiple" is quite mathmatical, I would just say "hours"; 2) grammatically this means that the hours-long nature was a reference to d'Alviano's fondness. I would move the ", referencing ..." early in the sentence, just after "general", to be more grammatically precise.

"After Francis I was captured during the Battle of Pavia in February 1525", again say who this is

A very nice article. Look forward to the FAC nom. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 23:58, 31 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for pointing those things out. I've made changes to address your comments. I appreciate the review a lot, thank you! Kimikel (talk) 05:10, 2 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Borsoka

I would mention that he was born to a Venetian noble family in the first section's first sentence, with a link to Venetian nobility.
Perhaps a very short introduction to the Great Council? Do we know why he was elected at a young age?
... Virgil, Quintilian, Ovid, and Cicero... Perhaps a very short introduction ("ancient Roman authors", or something similar)
..., leading to d'Alviano choosing Navagero as his protege Is this necessary? If yes, could you explain the meaning of the term "protege" in context?
...Marcantonio Sabellico... Delete "Marcantonio".
Following Navagero's appointment to the position,... Is this necessary?
Shortly introduce Castiglione, and do not introduce Raphael (because the context suggests he is a painter).
...Giovanni Battista Ramusio... Delete "Giovanni Battista".
...Navagero's prized gardens... I would first mention them in a previous section, because they come out of the blue here.
..."[cared] for ... more than for anything else in this world." Who said this?
...was captured... By whom? Was Frances I an ally of Venice?
...Holy Roman Emperor Charles V... In context, his kingship in Spain is the most relevant fact.
Introduce Diego Colombus.
...in a "pleasant", "small house" Whose words are these?
...Navagero was sent urgently to France in order to attempt to pacify the emperor. The emperor?
...his closest friend,... Delete.
Introduce Sadoleto.

Excellent article. Thank you for completing it. Borsoka (talk) 09:52, 6 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Borsoka: Thank you very, very much for your review. I believe I've just addressed all of your points. Kimikel (talk) 03:36, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, you've done. I hope I can express my support during the article's FAC review soon. Borsoka (talk) 14:31, 7 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]