Wikipedia:Peer review/Allen Walker/archive1

Allen Walker

I've listed this article for peer review because I think it is pretty close to become a good article, but I still have some doubts about it since English is not my first language. A user recently copyedited the article but I am still insecure about nominating it.

Thanks, Tintor2 (talk) 14:00, 21 May 2016 (UTC)

Comments from ProtoDrake

Some points that need addressing.

• "Allen's garments was designed to resemble nineteenth-century clothing, and his ribbon tie and other pieces of clothing intended to give him a "gentlemanly image"." - This sentence from the Lead has a drastic mix of singular and plural wordage, and appears to be missing a word in the "pieces of clothing intended to give" segment. This needs addressing.
• The prose uses both the term "Crown Clown" and "Crowned Clown". Are they interchangeable, or is this an error?
• I must ask, are there any references to back up notable differences between events in the manga and the anime, or does one follow the other faithfully?
• "...Allen is one of the hardest characters to draw." - Is this meant to be present or past-tence, given the context give within the rest of the sentence.

That's all I saw there on a readthrough. --ProtoDrake (talk) 16:51, 23 May 2016 (UTC)

Thanks for the comments @ProtoDrake:. I tried to do everything but I can't find "...Allen is one of the hardest characters to draw."Also the anime adds stuff not seen in the manga but it's barely notable.Tintor2 (talk) 21:57, 23 May 2016 (UTC)

Comments by Vanamonde93

• It seems this has already passed GA, but I'll leave some comments here nonetheless. Vanamonde93 (talk) 18:42, 19 June 2016 (UTC)

• In the lead, "...as well as his difference from a typical shōnen protagonist." is a little confusing. First, I think it should be "differences," and second, it would be interesting to hear what those are.
• I think it would be helpful to have a brief section providing background information on the setting of the series. As is, the character biography is confusing, because terms like "Akuma," and "innocence" have not been explained.
• "After Allen realizes that he fights not only to save the souls of the Akuma, but also for his human friends and devotes himself equally to both causes,[ch. 83] Allen's Parasitic-type Innocence takes its true form, the Crown Clown (神ノ道化 Kuraun Kuraun?, lit. Clown of God)." This is a run-on sentence, and the first bit is rather ungrammatical. Something like "Eventually Allen realizes that he fights not only to save the souls of the Akuma, but also for his human friends, and he devotes himself equally to both causes. After this, his Parasitic-type Innocence takes its true form, the Crown Clown (神ノ道化 Kuraun Kuraun?, lit. Clown of God)." I'm not certain, because I don't know the story; but some clarification is needed, and preferably the sentence should be broken up.
• "Center part" is a bit of a colloquialism, I think, which needs explaining (especially since it is not linked).
• It's not clear what you mean by "ambiguous protagonist;" what part of him is ambiguous? His loyalty? His morality? His age/gender? Some brief clarification would be helpful.
  • I can't find the last two in article. Could you please it point out?Tintor2 (talk) 19:47, 19 June 2016 (UTC)
    • just ctrl-f the phrases: they are both in the second paragraph of the "creation and conception section.
• Reception section seems fine, overall.
• I wonder if you could add any information about a) influences on this character besides the one mentioned (Robin), and b) any other characters that this one has influenced. This is purely speculation on my part; obviously, such information may not exist.
  • I would be pretty sure Allen's Exorcism sword is a tribute to Cloud Strife (even a reviewers says that) but Hoshino hasn't talked much about that.
• Overall, good job, and best of luck with any further nominations you might make! Also, apologies for missing the "closed" notice; I came to this via your PR of the article I listed, and so didn't notice. Heh. Vanamonde93 (talk) 08:08, 27 June 2016 (UTC)