Wikipedia:Peer review/Acting white/archive1
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review based on Skomorokh's recommendation at this article's GA review. As someone without a background of any of the related issues, I would really appropriate an outside, fresh perspective.
Thanks! The Squicks (talk) 20:26, 17 September 2009 (UTC)
Comments from Liquidluck (talk)
- The first source, “Acting White”. By Roland G. Fryer, Jr., is broken- i believe the new url of the article you are referring to is this.
- The brackets around the first letters of several sentences are unnecessary. Although the capitalization does change, it is a minor "house style" grammatical edit and the change is recommended by Wikipedia:MOSQUOTE#Quotation marks header "Other matters".
- The difference between Abercrombie and Tommy Hilfiger is not immediately known to readers. Try to find descriptions of the brands mentioned in the article in reviews by fashion critics. Simple descriptions like "preppy" or "urban" will work, if they are wikilinked.
- Can the breadth of the article be expanded to include other groups? Most of the article deals only with Black versus White mannerisms and points of view, but the intro says that Hispanic groups also experience the "acting white" label, and from the Fryer article, it looks like the results on grades are worst for Hispanics. Hispanics are not mentioned again in the article outside of the intro, so if info cannot be found the mentions in the lead should be moved to the body- the lead is meant as a summary of the body.
Nitpicking:
- I think "assuming" is a better word to use than "incorporating" in the context of the first sentence.
Good work! Liquidluck (talk) 07:14, 27 September 2009 (UTC)
- Okay, thank you! I'll work on that soon. The Squicks (talk) 04:10, 28 September 2009 (UTC)