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Abismo Negro

[edit]
Previous peer review
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am working on getting it ready for Feature Article nomination. I've put it up for Peer Review before and had a lot of really really helpful comments, but I had to close the Review prematurely as I went on vacation. Now I am back, I've worked in the last comments from the last Peer Review and now I'm ready to bring it all the way home. I also listed it again because there is an overabundance of professional wrestling GACs and I don't want to overload the process, I figured I could work on improvements while the backlog clears up a bit.

Thanks in advance for everyone who's kind enough to help out, MPJ-DK (talk) 11:00, 22 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

NiciVampireHeart's comments

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I reviewed it the first time around, so I'm not sure how much help I'll bre, but I'll give it a shot anyway.

  • Lead
    • Is there any source for his real name?
    • You have his ring name Winners in quotation marks as "Winners", but not his others. Consistency is key.
    • In the second paragraph I don't see the point of saying Asistencia Asesoría y Administración (AAA), when you've already explained the abbreviation in the previous paragraph.
      • Fixed
    • You say he worked for WWF first, and then say AAA had a talent exchange program with WWE. Which is right or did he work for both the WWF and WWE?
    • Change "found dead, in a river near El Rosario, Sinaloa, the official cause of death was listed as drowning." --> "found dead, in a river near El Rosario, Sinaloa, and the official cause of death was listed as drowning."
  • Professional wrestling career
    • Again "El Noruego" is quotation marks, but Alex Dinamo isn't. Any resaon for this?
  • Winners
    • "a fan favorite (called a "Técnico" in Mexico) wrestler who's almost entirely silver outfit made him visibly very striking." seems very awkward to me. Could you reword it slightly?
    • "Winners participated in Relevos Suicidas tag team match" --> "Winners participated in a Relevos Suicidas tag team match"
  • Abismo Negro
  • Return to AAA
    • Is the correct spelling technico (as in this section) or técnico (as in Winners section)? Again, consistency needed.
    • "Later in the year, he finally turned face" - no mention of face before this point. You say either fan favorite or tecnico. Change Face to one of the other two.
  • Black Abyss
    • "the "Martinete"(Tombstone piledriver)" - should be a space between "the "Martinete"" and the parentheses (i.e. "the "Martinete" (Tombstone piledriver)").
  • Death
    • "memorial was held in Mexico City on March 24 for friends and family of Palomeque, many of whom showed up without their masks on, to keep the focus of the event on González". Eh, who is González? Do you mean Palomeque?
      • I do indeed, I originally used González as I thought that was his proper last name but was told that Palomeque is more appropriate and didn't catch that one on the change. MPJ-DK (talk) 19:26, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • In wrestling
    • Have you a source for the managers? And why aren't they mentioned in the main text?
      • Removed them, Roldan was nothing permanent and Peña was for Team Mexico in AAA which I added to the text instead, removing the entry makes the section less "listy". MPJ-DK (talk) 19:26, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Championships and accomplishments'

That's it, I think. Good job! Much improved from the last one. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 08:15, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It's not a problem. Ok, my last few comments:
Lead
  • You use "Gonzalez" instead of Palomeque.
  • No need to say "Andrés Palomeque", just Palmeque will do.
Winners
  • "a fan favorite (called a Técnico in Mexico) characters who wore a silver bodysuit and mask that gave him a very unique look.."
    • a) yes, makes a lot more sense now.
    • b) should be character, not characters
    • c) you have two full stops at the end of the sentence.
Abismo Negro
  • "a group inspired by World Championship Wrestling's New World Order intent on taking over AAA" change this to "a group inspired by World Championship Wrestling's New World Order, which was intent on taking over AAA" for clarofocation and ease of reading.
  • "but only held on to the title for two months before losing them" - you use both singular and plural here (italics mine), only one should be used.
  • "Negro feuded with the top Technicós" - spelled with a "h". Assuming that's a mis-spelling.
Return to AAA
  • "técnico" - in all the previous sections, you've spelt both Técnico and Rudo with capital letters at the start. Consistency needed.
Black Abysee
  • "called Black Abyss, the gimmick featured" --> "called Black Abyss; the gimmick featured" - i.e. change the comma (,) to a semi-colon (;)
Championships and accomplishments
  • I fixed a ref for you [1]

That's it. Looks good. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 03:09, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

GaryColemanFan's comments

[edit]

The article is looking very good. I went through and made some minor changes (mostly punctuation). There were a few things that stood out that could use some attention:

[edit] GaryColemanFan's comments The article is looking very good. I went through and made some minor changes (mostly punctuation). There were a few things that stood out that could use some attention:

"Palomeque was one of the young guys who took a chance..." - "guys" is pretty informal. Perhaps "competitors" or something similar? ~

"in which the losing team would have to face each other with their mask on the line" - I found this confusing. Perhaps "in which the members of the losing team would later face each other in a singles match and the loser would be forced to remove his mask"? (a little wordy, but I think makes the stipulation a little more clear)

  • Reworded, I think what I came up with works.

"as he lost his mask to Super Caló and was forced to unmask after the match was over" - this seems repetitive. Did you mean to say that he lost his match to Super Caló?

"a group inspired by World Championship Wrestling's New World Order, which was intent on taking over AAA" - this implies that the NWO was intent on taking over AAA. Perhaps "a group intent on taking over AAA that was inspired by World Championship Wrestling's New World Order"?

"the team of Hator and the Pather" - the online reference gives the spellings as "Haytor" and "The Panther" - the next time they are referred to in the prose, the names are spelled "Hator" and "The Panther", so I am assuming that at least "The Pather" needs to be changed.

"backburner" - I believe that this is two separate words.

"In 2000, Negro was one of the AAA wrestlers that participated in an AAA tour of Japan and participated in TripleMania VIII" - repetition of "participated in"; could one be changed to "competed at"?

"In the following weeks, Negro went undefeated in matches against Elix Skipper, the team of Jerry Lynn and Sonjay Dutt and finally all of Team USA." - Did he defeat them all by himself? Did he face them individually or all at once?

"Los Vipers left La Legión due to their "Anti-Mexican" philosophy and began fighting La Legión and their imports." - the "their" is fairly ambiguous. I assume it refers to La Legion, but it really isn't clear. In addition, "imports" could use some clarification.

almost panicked" - it sounds to me like he did panic.

I'm also left with a couple of overall questions. The first is why he is referred to as Palomeque instead of Gonzalez if his full name is Andrés Alejandro Palomeque González.

  • I was informed that in Mexico people have both their father's and mother's last name but is generally only referred to by one of them, the "second to last" name, I originally had González, but was informed that was inproper. MPJ-DK (talk) 17:16, 29 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I'm also curious because of the infobox picture. It states that he had a trademark flamethrower display, but this isn't mentioned in the article.

That's all that I can see for now. Great job expanding this article. I think it's definitely ready for a GA nomination. If you ever have a chance to find some of those page numbers in your Wrestling Title Histories book that I mentioned on your talk page, I would really appreciate it. Best wishes with this article's GA review, GaryColemanFan (talk) 17:17, 29 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

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