User talk:Yuhanqiu
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Yuhanqiu, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Adam and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:38, 28 January 2016 (UTC)
Peer Review #1
[edit]Hi Yuhan, I liked your article about Yu Minhong, someone I knew nothing about. It definitely needs to be included on Wikipedia! The comments that I have made here are for your consideration. My hope is that my suggestions might serve as a way for you to improve your article. Hopefully it is clear enough for you to follow. Best, Steve
Yu Minhong: If possible, I think it would be nice to include Yu’s English name, Michael Yu, in the header. In addition, the online education section has attracted more than 2 million registered users since beginning in 2003. Source? I think it would be great if you could add a photo of Yu Minhong in this section. Early life: Second paragraph may need a source cited. New Oriental: As the largest provider of private educational services in China, New Oriental soffer (offers?) educational programs… New Oriental's instruction combines humorous, (remove comma?) interactive teaching techniques with traditional Chinese educational values. Yu Minhong once emphasized his idea of "rediscovery", which included New Oriental's self-positioning among the private sector of China's education area, and Chinese international students' discovering and rediscovering of themselves and their homeland, all in the background of overseas tide and China's unprecedented development in the past decades. (This sentence is kind of long; break into two pieces?). Besides, (remove “Besides” it seems one sided?) Yu Minhong, (add comma here?) with his New Oriental, (comma here?) has always been arguing that they not only provide student (students?) with academic training, but also give inspirations.
Development: Yu converted (converted from what?) the business into the New Oriental Education and Technology Group. In September 7, 2006, the New Oriental Education and Technology Group (add “was” here?) listed on the New York Stock Exchange. (You might want to include their NYSE acronym here with a link).
Film: (add a space here?) American Dreams in China In 2013, a Chinese film named American Dreams in China (italicized film name here?) was released and became a hot topic across China. …under the context of China from 1980s till now. (You may want to use a year here so that it works in the future). Besides, (add “He” here?) claimed that no investment was made to the film by New Oriental. (Removing “Besides” makes the statement sound less one-sided?).
First Film Show: Yu Minhong played (appeared instead of played?) as a guest performer in a (replace “a” with “the”?) Chinese documentary film, named Mr.Deng Goes to Washington, which was released in 2015. …Deng Xiaoping made his historic visit to the US (United States?), only one month after that country established diplomatic relations with China. (Add a space here?) On (replace “On” with “AT”?). At a conference…. Speech: In a speech Yu stated: (You might want to include who this speech was presented to and when). Boulderboy123 (talk) 00:13, 14 April 2016 (UTC) Boulderboy123 (talk) 00:19, 14 April 2016 (UTC)
Peer review #2
[edit]I read the page Yu Minhong, which you have been working on, and I have a few comments and suggestions for you. The lead section is excellent, citing straightforward information with credible sources. It gets to the point with sufficient detail without straying off topic. The early life section is weaker than the lead. It has some awkward language: "Unlike for the time, Yu's mother encouraged him to go to school." And it has an entire paragraph of unsourced information: "Yu was placed in a class for sub-standard students, because he couldn't speak standard Chinese. Yu was a poor student, both financially and academically. In his junior year, pneumonia forced him to take a year off. After graduation in 1985, many classmates went abroad for further education, Yu began to apply for US universities while teaching English in Beijing University. After three years, Yu was accepted by a university. His requests for overseas study visas were repeatedly denied." This section could use some work. The "New Oriental" section is strong, containing various statistics with accurate and abundant citations. It was a bit nondescript in terms of how Yu Minhong came to found the school, but it was rich in information on the school after its founding. The anecdote section is great, no critiques here. The speech section is also good, but could use a bit more lead-in to the setting of the speech. Overall, great article. - Enzo — Preceding unsigned comment added by Eviarengo (talk • contribs) 16:13, 19 April 2016 (UTC)