User talk:Tacoby Cobb Jr.
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[edit]Hello, Tacoby Cobb Jr., and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 13:46, 25 August 2017 (UTC)
Speedy deletion nomination of Tacoby Cobb Jr./sandbox
[edit]
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Hello, and welcome to Wikipedia. This is a notice that the page you created, Tacoby Cobb Jr./sandbox, was tagged as a test page under section G2 of the criteria for speedy deletion and has been or soon may be deleted. Please use the sandbox for any other tests you want to do. Take a look at the welcome page if you would like to learn more about contributing to our encyclopedia.
If you think this page should not be deleted for this reason, you may contest the nomination by visiting the page and clicking the button labelled "Contest this speedy deletion". This will give you the opportunity to explain why you believe the page should not be deleted. However, be aware that once a page is tagged for speedy deletion, it may be deleted without delay. Please do not remove the speedy deletion tag from the page yourself, but do not hesitate to add information in line with Wikipedia's policies and guidelines. If the page is deleted, and you wish to retrieve the deleted material for future reference or improvement, then please contact the deleting administrator, or if you have already done so, you can place a request here. –Ammarpad (talk) 12:07, 30 November 2017 (UTC)
Article deletion
[edit]I moved the content back to your sandbox, as it wasn't seen as an article and as such would be at serious risk of deletion if it remained. Please be careful when trying to move content about!
I also took a look at your content and I'm a little concerned that it's more of an essay than an encyclopedia article. For example, a lot of this is just defining terms and it doesn't really go into the sociological viewpoint. There is sourcing, however I'm not sure how much of the content is explicitly backed up in the source material so I'm also concerned that there may be some original research (conclusions you drew on your own) in the material.
I've removed the content that you posted to the hazing article for the time being so you can work on the draft. Something to take into consideration is that you don't really have to explain the differences between the two disciplines or give definitions - what really should be added are viewpoints that are fairly unique to sociology's view on hazing. The definitions aren't really necessary since you can link to the articles for these topics and the article on hazing will have it clearly defined above. I've taken your content here and whittled it down to where it's just the content that looked like it fit this area, paired with some notes:
- Researchers who examine hazing from a sociological standpoint tend to focus more on how a group functions during hazing instead of just the actions of one individual.
- I re-wrote this a little so it would flow a bit better and could serve as the starter sentence for the paragraph.
- Researchers who examine hazing from a sociological standpoint tend to focus more on how a group functions during hazing instead of just the actions of one individual.
- When entering a group there are three phases that a person has to go through before they are completely accepted into the group. The first phase is separation. This phase is when old ideas when the new recruits have to shed their old identity so they will be able to take on the new one. This is re-socialization a thing that happens to people when they are put into different settings. The second phase is the hazing stage. Hazing is used to weed out the weaker people not willing to commit to the group. This stage is also used to instill power dynamics and the ideas of the group into the new recruits[3].
- This is good information and something that would really belong in the section, however you need to tweak this a little for flow and give a little preface to show how it pertains to hazing per se. For example, you could do something like "In a 2011 journal article on sports hazing, initiations, and communitas, sociologist Jay Johnson identified three phases that a person must experience before they are completely accepted into a group: separation, hazing, and acceptance." This would help set up why it's important, plus it lists the three phases, making it more natural for there to be a bit more about each thing.
- When entering a group there are three phases that a person has to go through before they are completely accepted into the group. The first phase is separation. This phase is when old ideas when the new recruits have to shed their old identity so they will be able to take on the new one. This is re-socialization a thing that happens to people when they are put into different settings. The second phase is the hazing stage. Hazing is used to weed out the weaker people not willing to commit to the group. This stage is also used to instill power dynamics and the ideas of the group into the new recruits[3].
- This is important for groups like sports teams who need to bond quickly so they are able to be a more coherent team. Hazing is seen as a fast way to bond the group and put the rookies in their place.
- Be very careful about terms like "important" and "seen as". This brings up the question as to "who finds this important and who made this conclusion?", which need to be answered in the sentence. You could do something like "Johnson noted that some athletes viewed hazing as something that would help the team form fast bonds that would help them become a more coherent team while also enforcing a set hierarchy." This attributes the claim to Johnson, so that if anyone does challenge the claim it's clear that it's his specific conclusion.
- This is important for groups like sports teams who need to bond quickly so they are able to be a more coherent team. Hazing is seen as a fast way to bond the group and put the rookies in their place.
- Studies showed that many of the team members may not totally agree with the hazing but do it because they value tradition.
- Be clear when you mention studies - which studies? You don't have to list them all, but it may be good to think of a different way to phrase this. Maybe something like "Studies such as X in 19XX.."
- Studies showed that many of the team members may not totally agree with the hazing but do it because they value tradition.
- The third phase is the final one which is the acceptance. This third phase is the most important one to many people because it is when they are finally part of the group after going through the other phases.
- Be careful of the word important.
- The third phase is the final one which is the acceptance. This third phase is the most important one to many people because it is when they are finally part of the group after going through the other phases.
- People go through the hazing so they can eventually be a part of the group and gain the perks that come with the title. Hazing can have positive and negative impacts on those who have gone through the process. Hazing for some people causes them to mistrust the group and hold grudges towards other members. Those who have been hazed can also internalize the abuse they endured and then take it out on those who are rookies after them.
- This isn't bad, but this just needs to be rephrased to be a little less casual. Also, make sure that you avoid redundancy whenever possible - some of the stuff I've omitted is very similar to things that were mentioned earlier in the paragraph and the content in this section is fairly similar as well. I'd recommend tightening this to make it read a little more compact.
- People go through the hazing so they can eventually be a part of the group and gain the perks that come with the title. Hazing can have positive and negative impacts on those who have gone through the process. Hazing for some people causes them to mistrust the group and hold grudges towards other members. Those who have been hazed can also internalize the abuse they endured and then take it out on those who are rookies after them.
- This causes many people to be much more violent and take their anger out on the new rookies which has led to the death of many individuals.[3]
- This really needs to be attributed to a specific person as their viewpoint. I would also recommend replacing "many" with the word "some", as many implies that it's a majority whereas some doesn't. You can replace the instance at the end with "has led to hazing related deaths.", as I'm assuming that this refers to hazing deaths and not deaths from fighting or whatnot that isn't hazing related.
- This causes many people to be much more violent and take their anger out on the new rookies which has led to the death of many individuals.[3]
I hope that this helps! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 15:44, 30 November 2017 (UTC)