User talk:Soriaj295/sandbox

Peer Review - Lorina

Warehouse Fire - Change first sentence to start "On Thanksgiving day 2014, a fire broke out in a Fannie May warehouse..." - See if wikipedia lets you upload an image of the banner

Partnerships - "Prior to the fire" seems unnecessary in this section - Does Fannie May only partner with Chicago teams? Or bias on authors end? - Just say world champions for now and edit it next year when its irrelevant

Replacing the Budweiser Suite is the Fannie May Bleacher Suite.

Change to something like

The stadium replaced previous Budweiser Suite to now Fannie May Bleacher Suite.

- This paragraph talks a little too much about Cubs instead of focusing on Fannie May

Changes - Omit first sentence, obvious because of header. - Again seems bias to the city of Chicago - Add links to the Wikipedia pages of some of the outside places you mention ( Ex. Cubs, the loop, etc)

Chocolate Shorten to "Fannie May has a variety of candy including sugar free/no sugar" Bias in the second sentence. Change it to something like "In attempt to reach all consumers, they are conscious of allergies ..."

PEER EDIT REVIEW - Joey

The info that you have here is all very important, however I believe there is a way that you could rearrange them to flow better. For example, it might sounds better if you made one of the headline's "History" , and then continued to paste the info for the Warehouse Fire and the Partnerships under "History." It will Instead of each event having it's own headline, they could be events on a timeline.

- For the majority of the article it does not seem like you're taking a biased approach and you really are just informing reader's on Fannie May's history. However, when you get into the "Chocolate" headline it does seem like the article becomes a persuasive essay on why Fannie May is the best chocolate. It's fine to inform readers that the chocolate is health conscientious , however do it in a way that does not seem so personal. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Jvichio (talk • contribs) 15:25, 27 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]