User talk:Qwertyp23/sandbox

Suggested next steps 4 Nov 13

Hi Qwertyp23! This is moving along! As you work towards your draft for a grade, work hard to think about how to reorganize the article so it makes more sense.

Spend some time sprucing up the lead paragraph. The definition of youth does not center the reader on your topic, and I think it can be taken out. What is the most important information that you want the reader to know, even if s/he doesn’t read the rest of the article?
Work to pack information into every sentence. For example, the sentence “T he participation of youth in sports is a matter that is always trying to be improved and appeal to all genders” is quite vague – what is being done to increase the appeal of sports to kids to either create gender equity or to appeal on the basis of gender?
Keep working to incorporate material from all of your sources into your article.
Do some copy editing to eliminate repetitive, unclear, weasel and other types of problematic wording.
I linked to the article from the Women’s sports article, so it’s no longer an orphan. I have also worked on the organization and headings to make them clearer – see what you think.

You have gotten a start – keep moving! Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 19:38, 4 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Sean Andorfer Peer Review

I love the use of statistics in this article. Let's try and clean up the citations. I know that it is not all of yours, but maybe you can try and find the reference that is being used. If not I would edit the information or find your own to back it up. I edited the article a little bit to get rid of some bias words such as the cost, the price, unfortunately and so on, and helped fix a little syntax as well. I would avoid using the momsteam.com as a reference. The information coming from that website sounded a little bias. Some questions that you could address beyond the statistics, but what social implications occur to youth who do not have access to sports or physical education? How are women in particular affected by not having complete access over a gender based sports program? — Preceding unsigned comment added by Sean.tyl.and (talk • contribs) 20:52, 6 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Peer Edit

I think that you have some great information, but some of it was confusing to read through. I think some of it comes from the organization of the article, but also in syntax. I think that there is also room to look at benefits as well as challenges of youth sports globally. I think that the stats you use fit in well with the article and will be helpful when someone in the future uses this Wikipedia page. The edits that those before me made, I think were very helpful as well. I think that this is a great start. Also don't forget, you could always add a picture. Dcole12 (talk) 22:44, 6 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback

The current version of the Gender in youth sports article has changed. Please see my message on your talk page. Gobōnobō ⁺ ^c 17:40, 19 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]