User talk:Dcole12
Draft Feedback
[edit]Here are a few final suggestions before you take the article live.
Look through and eliminate phrasing that makes sweeping generalizations and things like prepositional phrases. They make the article sound prettier, but unfortunately, its not the place to use it because of encyclopedic writing. Also, the last sentence in the 'advantages' section feels a little out of place. Find a different section to put it in, or maybe even cut it. If possible, add hyperlinks to the organizations you talk about. The budget cut section feels particularly western. Diversify the section and talk about what is happening in other places of the world; how it is affecting youth sports. In the examples section, put global organizations first. It makes more sense to narrow, not widen, as you move deeper into the article. I would also include more stats in the organization sections for the global and US examples. Also, most of your sources used for the organization section are from the organization's websites. You'll need to diversify sources here.
AbbeyMaynard (talk) 21:23, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
Feedback on Sport for social development draft
[edit]Hi Dcole12.
It looks as if your draft of sport for social development is coming along. Here's some specific feedback:
- The 'Budget cuts in schools' section could be either moved to a section devoted to the US or even eliminated entirely.
- The 'Advantages of sports to promote youth development' section could be broken up into paragraphs.
- The article could use more [[links]] to other articles.
- Be sure to check your work for grammar errors.
- An image for the article can be found on Wikimedia Commons. The category for youth sports is a good place to start looking.
Let me know if you need any help. Gobōnobō + c 18:37, 19 November 2013 (UTC)