User talk:Mickeyssurfboard

This user is a student editor in West_Virginia_University/Technical_Writing_(Spring_2021) .

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Hello, Mickeyssurfboard, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:32, 2 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Peer Review

I'm editing the following article about the Carnegie Museums in Pittsburgh: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnegie_Museums_of_Pittsburgh

My first edit was rewording this original sentence in the article, "The Carnegie Institute complex that includes the original museum, recital hall, and library was added to the National Register of Historic Places on March 30, 1979." I wrote "The Carnegie Institute complex includes the original museum, recital hall, and library that was added to the National Register of Historic Places on March 30, 1979." I thought by moving the word that, it made the sentence flow better.

Another edit I did was changing this sentence "Numerous works from the International exhibitions have been acquired for the museums' permanent collection including Winslow Homer's The Wreck (1896) and JamesMickeyssurfboard (talk) 23:37, 24 February 2021 (UTC) A. McNeill Whistler's Arrangement in Black: Portrait of Señor Pablo de Sarasate (1884)." into "Numerous works from international exhibitions have been acquired for the museums' .....)." I took out the since it makes it sound as if there is one specific international exhibitions instead of borrowing art from multiple exhibitions.[reply]

I also thought about un-hyperlinking some of the red links in the articles since they do not link to other articles and may confuse people. I am not sure on what other information to add since a lot of articles will link to their own main one but I was thinking adding some more citations on what pieces they have in the museums.

What do you think? Mickeyssurfboard (talk) 23:37, 24 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Claire's response to Tara's post:

For your first edit, I like how you removed the first "that," as I agree it makes the sentence flow a bit better. My one suggestion for this sentence would be to change "library that was added" to "library which was added." I think changing the wording there would make it sound more professional (Kecojevic, "Wikipedia Edit," 2021, para. 1).

Regarding your second edit, I understand how including "the" before international exhibitions can be confusing to readers. However, I do not think removing it is completely necessary, as I think "the" is more specifically referring to the Carnegie International exhibitions rather than International exhibitions in general (Kecojevic, "Wikipedia Edit," 2021, para. 4).

I also think un-hyperlinking some of the red links would be beneficial to the article in reducing unnecessary confusion. Additionally, adding more citations regarding the pieces in the museums is a great idea, as I noticed there were a bunch of sentences that say a citation is needed there.

Cwr4911 (talk) 03:20, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Mickeyssurfboard: Hi Tara, Dr. Sarraf here. I agree with your edits and Claire's response. I do have a suggestion about your rewording of the article's second sentence. The original sentence says, "The Carnegie Institute complex that includes the original museum, recital hall, and library was added to the National Register of Historic Places on March 30, 1979." This implies that the entire complex was added to the National Register of Historical Places. Your rewrite says, "The Carnegie Institute complex includes the original museum, recital hall, and library that was added to the National Register of Historic Places on March 30, 1979." Your rewrite implies that only the library was added to the National Register of Historic Places. You might instead say, The Carnegie Institute complex, which includes the original museum, recital hall, and library, was added to the National Register of Historic Places on March 30, 1979." KjessJKT (talk) 16:22, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]