User talk:Cwr4911
| This user is a student editor in West_Virginia_University/Technical_Writing_(Spring_2021) . |
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[edit]Hello, Cwr4911, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:32, 2 February 2021 (UTC)
Peer Review
[edit]I'm editing the following article about Mary Wharton: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Wharton
My first edit is on this sentence in the first paragraph "She then engaged in graduate work, receiving a master's degree (1936) and a doctorate from the University of Michigan, the latter in 1946." I found that it might flow better if it were re-worded. So, I changed it to "She then received a master's degree in 1936 and a doctorate from The University of Michigan in 1942." I decided to remove the first part of the sentence about how she engaged in graduate work, as it is implied considering she got her master's degree.
My second edit is on the following sentence: "In 1942, she collected a dewberry from Montgomery County, Kentucky which proved to be a new species; it was named Rubus whartoniae in her honor." I chose this sentence primarily because it might be helpful to readers if "dewberry" was defined in the text. Although it is hyperlinked, a short definition on the plant could provide more clarity for the user.
I was also thinking about adding more information using the following sources: https://floracliff.org/dr-mary-wharton/ http://www.kywcrh.org/archives/2603 Although the article has a decent amount of sources already, adding some information from these sources may reduce some ambiguity from the text and provide more details for the reader.
What do you think?
- @Cwr4911:
I thought your first edit was valuable and better than the original. The sentence you fixed clears up any confusion that the reader would have about Mary getting her masters. When it says engaged it does sound like she is currently doing it instead of her having finished it (Roth, "Wikipedia Edit," 2021, para. 1). With your second edit of the article, I realize why you would want to add what a dewberry is, but I think that maybe just adding a short word describing it in parentheses would be enough since the word is linked to another article going in detail about it. Perhaps have it like this “In 1942, she collected a dewberry, (a fruit), from Montgomery County, Kentucky which proved to be a new species; it was named Rubus whartoniae in her honor ” That could be a good way to give the reader some more information about what a dewberry is without making the sentence even longer (Roth, "Wikipedia Edit," 2021, para. 1). Regarding adding more information, I think your sources are good and reliable to add from. Both sources are creditable and having a couple more details from these resources would clear up any ambiguity like you mentioned. One of the sources you mentioned had a sentence about how she managed to have the first use of scenic easement in Kentucky which would be fun fact to add in her wiki page. Mickeyssurfboard (talk) 18:30, 25 February 2021 (UTC)
- @Cwr4911: Hi Claire, Dr. Sarraf here. I like your revision to the sentence about graduate work. Do you know if she also got her masters at University of Michigan? The phrasing is unclear: I'm not sure if she just got her doctorate there or got both degrees there. Also, definitely define dewberry: how were you thinking of phrasing that definition? KjessJKT (talk) 16:14, 25 February 2021 (UTC)