User talk:Lhegtvedt

Draft Feedback

Lhegtvedt,

I know you voiced some concern about finding content, but I would be careful about just putting stuff in your article just so the section has something in it. Continue to ask yourself, "why would a reader want to know and what would a reader want to know?" The Health section could use some attention, maybe try some other sources. You could check to see what kind of access to healthcare Danes have and see what that means for youth, if they're covered under their parents and maybe even look up some statistics about STDs. This would tie in nicely to the night life aspect of Danish life. Adding a picture and a lead-in paragraph are also crucial to where you're at in your progress right now. Just a word of warning: a trap a lot of people fall into is making a lead-in of repeated facts. Make it unique, but relevant. I also would recommend using more specific language and examples instead of making sweeping generalizations. For example, maybe look up the average length between Danish youth exiting school and entering the work force. There are many other opportunities for you to make changes like that. Some general comments on language, word choice, and verb agreement: read your draft out loud. There are some points where word choice in inappropriate for encyclopedic writing, like the word "partying" (it might actually be couching some Global North youth generalizations, too). Avoid all abbreviations of words, too. Keep on going! Good start!

AbbeyMaynard (talk) 01:19, 23 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Meeting Time

Laura,

Is there another time this week that works? As you know, I have a class at 4. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue but I have a take-home test that has a fairly small time window on Wednesday to complete. I'm free any time on Thursday that's not 2:00-3:15 or any time on Friday that's not between 11-1. Let me know!

AbbeyMaynard (talk) 03:45, 6 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

See You Friday!

Laura,

That'll work. See you then.

AbbeyMaynard (talk) 22:08, 6 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Draft

Here's a few things to work with before going live.

Add hyperlink to a few more words: maybe birthrate and sterilization? Cut down parts of the second lead in paragraph. It's not a major problem, just a little denser than the typical lead. Make less blanket statements regarding the family section. Just adding a few phrases like, 'generally speaking' can help fix this issue. Put the mainstream and counterculture sections in the family subsection closer together. Also, a few questions I still wanted to be answered: what types of careers are most popular in Denmark? What are the most popular areas of study/majors? What are employment numbers in other nations? Western Europe is well covered, but what about other parts of the world? A quick reminder: go through and check to see if you're consistently using youth or adolescents-- don't switch between the two.

You've done a great job making Denmark seem like a unique place-- the facts you choose fit nicely and the organization is great.

AbbeyMaynard (talk) 20:57, 13 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Youth in Denmark draft feedback

Hi Laura.

Wonderful job on your draft. I think it is ready to take live now. Here's some specific feedback:

In your lead paragraph, you might want to explain why youth is defined as 15 to 24 years old as many people use the term in a vague fashion. I think the Youth in Uganda article handled this well with the sentence "Youth is a socially constructed intermediary phase that stands between childhood and adulthood."
At first I thought the article seemed to place a lot of emphasis on drinking. But I can see that you are reflecting what your sources say. As long as you think that the sentence "Drinking to intoxication is a central symbol of maturity in Denmark" is not an unjust characterization, it should be fine.
The education section is excellent. It is both well written and informative. You'll want to include a link to Education in Denmark and potentially some of the other Danish education-related articles such as Secondary education in Denmark, Vocational secondary education in Denmark, Academic grading in Denmark, History of education in Denmark, and Student loans in Denmark.
If you're interested in going into more depth, this book has some interesting things to say about immigrant youth in Denmark (starts at the bottom of page 71). The entry for Denmark in the International Encyclopedia of Adolescence also seems like a great reference.
The employment, health, and culture sections also look very good.
The family section seemed a bit awkward to me. I was confused by the statement "family is a democratic unit in which all members are equal". Does that mean that each family member has an equal vote? I was also unfamiliar with the division of "mainstream youth" and "counterculture youth". Was this a distinction just made in the Kolind paper? Scholars sometimes use specialized terminology for their field or make distinctions for the purposes of their research. If so, it might be good to rephrase it so that it is prefaced by language like "According to a 2011 study by Torsten Kolind, ..."
Your referencing looks fabulous. Great work!
On images: I've tried to look for an image of young Danes drinking, but didn't find anything free. I think the image on the right would be a good addition. The caption is derived from the image source and needs work though. You may also find more images on Wikimedia Commons, Wikipedia's central image repository. The category Teenagers in Denmark just had some older illustrations that might not accompany your article very well, but Category:People of Denmark and its subcategories may have other images that would work better.
If you were so inclined, some information about youth sport in Denmark would be welcome. If you were to include something related to youth involvement in politics, that would be an opportunity to link to articles in Category:Youth wings of political parties in Denmark. Also Squatting#Denmark.
Overall your article seems to be very statistic-dependent and would benefit from more prose that is not based on statistics. Specific examples that support statistics could be used for example.

Let me know if you need me to clarify or if you need any help. Gobōnobō ⁺ ^c 00:16, 18 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

@Gobonobo: This feedback is so thorough and truly awesome. Thanks for being such a great Ambassador! Laura, great work! Jami (Wiki Ed) (talk) 00:01, 4 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

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Wikipedia talk:Articles for creation/Youth in Denmark concern

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Your draft article, Wikipedia talk:Articles for creation/Youth in Denmark

Hello Lhegtvedt. It has been over six months since you last edited your WP:AFC draft article submission, entitled "Youth in Denmark".

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Thanks for your submission to Wikipedia, and happy editing. Rankersbo (talk) 08:53, 16 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]