User talk:Kyriakos27/sandbox

Hey Kyriakos, Great job on the abstract, it is very clear and straight forward. I was able to understand the without much science background knowledge required. I now that you are still working on this wiki article and its coming along pretty well. I will include more details in the recent research. (Reviewer: Erica Valdez)

Do not include the name of the disease as its own heading. That will be provided when you transfer to the main page.
Abstract does not get a heading
The page that currently exists uses leukostasis as its main name. You should follow that and use that page.
Why do you have the old text copied in and left in bold? Adapt from that text or delete it.
Use lay language! Your abstract is not lay readable.
Check your spelling. I found several errors.
Obviously mechanisms and signs and symptoms still need a great deal of elaboration.
Diagnosis is a list of things without a clear explanation of what they mean and what they tell you.
You have multiple copies of various sections and multiple reference lists. I don't know what's going on here. If you need help editing wikipedia, come see me. I'd be glad to help out.
Could use more links to other pages.
Cite all recent research. Obviously this section still needs filling out.
It looks like you're finding good pieces. There's a lot of great stuff here, you just need to put it together.

--Sweiner02 (talk) 03:03, 13 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

-The name of the disease should be the title and not a heading. -The abstract should not have a heading. -The mechanism and symptom sections look unfinished. -Why is there doubles of some sections? -The old text shouldn't be in bold, it should be combined or taken out. -It needs more sources especially for recent research. -Good start but needs a lot more information. -It would not be easy to read for a person with no prior science knowledge. Bmisch96 (talk) 01:49, 14 November 2017 (UTC)bmisch96[reply]

I can see that the page is in progress, but I will start by saying the abstract has a lot of background information which is great, but a person without science background would not be able to understand what they are reading. Also, the name of the disease does not need to have its own title heading and neither does the abstract. I would also recommend to be sure to proofread because I noticed some grammatical and spelling errors. I am confused as to why some sections are seen twice and also why some blocks of text are bold; I would recommend to combine the sections/text or to get rid of them all together because it makes it confusing to read. Lastly, I noticed there were 2 references sections so I would suggest to combine those as well. Overall, great start to your page and it's a lot of great information that is being presented. Rraspberry (talk) 06:27, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]