User talk:Kohlrabi Pickle/Archives/2022/January

Requesting help in understanding tone problem: Jeremy Liew

I don't understand why the Jeremy Liew page was tagged for tone problems. According to guidelines: "Articles and other encyclopedic content should be written in a formal tone. Standards for formal tone vary a bit depending upon the subject matter but should usually match the style used in Featured- and Good-class articles in the same category. Encyclopedic writing has a fairly academic approach, while remaining clear and understandable. Formal tone means that the article should not be written using argot, slang, colloquialisms, doublespeak, legalese, or jargon that is unintelligible to an average reader; it means that the English language should be used in a businesslike manner." I have checked other VC articles and they all seem to be in same style and tone. none of the argot, etc were used. It is neutral and no PoV. Please help.Mwinog2777 (talk) 21:18, 14 December 2021 (UTC)

Hi there @Mwinog2777. Might have been my mistake for an incorrect tag. The key problem with the Jeremy Liew article (which I should have highlighted instead) is that it reads non-neutrally. (Even if you have no connection to the subject, that's not how it comes across.) There are also problems of structuring (bullet points or bolded headings are not appropriate - see WP:MOS), and structure, because it reads like an interview or tribute at times, rather than an encyclopedia article. See, for example, the following:

• the Venture Capital and Philanthropy sections read like an interview,
• Jeremy Liew has been a featured speaker and moderator at conferences on video game monetization and has been called a "social game visionary." (and others like this)

I see that you're an experienced editor, so I'm sure the problems were inadvertent. I don't think it's a serious problem but it's a collection of not-so-serious problems. It just needs tidying up. I was hoping the tag would attract WikiGnomes who could do a bit of copyediting. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 23:16, 14 December 2021 (UTC)

The quote "social game visionary" was not puffery; This was not put in to exaggerate the notability of the article. It was entered to describe his standing in the world of the professionals of social gaming. If you can find a better way to say it, help me. I felt it was neutral with no POV; I have no relationship at all with him and none in the VC world. I listed his successes and I listed his failures. I went through the entire WP:MOS and found nothing I did wrong. You say that the VC and philanthropathy sections sound like an interview. OK, tell me how to change it. I went to WP:MOS and found no probable with bullet points and see no problem; I reviewed other pages I have written with bullet points, and nobody complained. Please point out where the problem is with bullet points. I added one today, check it out.

As you can see, I have a moderate resume on Wikipedia. And, I see so do you. We see the article totally differently; I think we can work it out; we don't need WikiGnomes. I invite you to help me; you are free to edit this article; please do.Mwinog2777 (talk) 00:27, 15 December 2021 (UTC)

@Mwinog2777 Thanks for your reply. I don't have the time to edit the article myself right now. If you are confident that the tag is mistaken, you are welcome to remove it. Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 21:18, 15 December 2021 (UTC)

Thanx, but my offer stands. Edit the pageant whenever you have time. We don't need to wait for WikiGnomes. I didn't realize that I am already one; my favorite task is finding citations for the {{cn}}. Mwinog2777 (talk) 06:06, 16 December 2021 (UTC)

Thanks, I will. Tied up with professional commitments at the moment, it’s an overwhelming time of year. Haha, nice discovery then! Kohlrabi Pickle (talk) 23:22, 16 December 2021 (UTC)