User talk:K huynhh/sandbox

"It starts out as an embryo, which all offspring is used as singular. needs to be plural considered embryos until they are born or hatch." Weird wording. Maybe "Life begins as an embryo. Offspring are considered embryos until (maybe put a stage of development here)" kim_radford

"The hatching of the embryo normally occurs around 48-72 hours after fertilization" Doesn't need to be in the progressive tense. kim_radford

"The larva isn’t considered an embryo anymore, but it’s not considered a juvenile yet." --> "The larva is neither an embryo or juvenile" No need to be bulky. kim_radford

"The post-embryonic development is basically any growing that occurs after embryogenesis." --> "any growth" no need to use the progressive tense kim_radford

"The zebrafish must go through processes for oocyte maturation before fertilization can begin" ---> of oocyte maturation kim_radford

"Stages I, II, and III the oocyte is growing" --> NO need for the progressive tense --- Sloppy kim_radford

"The female oocyte goes through four stages before it is fully matured." ---> full maturation != fully matured kim_radford

"Cleavage in zebrafish happens in the blastodisc. [8] The divisions don’t divide the egg entirely [8]." Maybe define what cleavage. The general public will not know cleavage is synonymous with division. kim_radford

"The cytoplasm of the blastodisc becomes the embryo which is called discoidal." --> "Embryo develops from the cytoplasm of the blastodisc. This is called the discoidal." kim_radford

"Cleavage happens every 15 minutes and the first 5 divisions are vertical and creates 32 cells." --> "Cleavage happens every 15 minutes. The first 5 divisions are vertical and creates 32 cells." The sentence is too long. kim_radford

"The Yolk syncytial layer (YSL) is found during the 9th or 10th division, there are two parts of the yolk syncytial, which is external and internal." This sentence is not structured properly. Consider cleaving into two sentences. kim_radford

"Following cleavage, gastrulation occurs." --> "Gastrulation follows cleavage" Unnecessary comma splice is unnecessary. kim_radford

"This process happens at about 16 hours of embryo development, forming a solid neural rod from the neural plate. " ---> , which forms Unnecessary progressive tense is unnecessary kim_radford

"There are some structural proteins, Pard3 and Rab11a involved in the midline polarization, during the formation of the neural rod." ---> "Pard3 and Rab11a involved in the midline polarization. This begins formation of the neural rod."kim_radford

" A blastodisc is then formed on top of the yolk after fertilization, during the following three hours of development, rapid, synchronous cleavage occurs within the blastodisc to generate a blastula embryo of around 1000 cells" needs to be 2 sentences. ----> "A blastodisc is then formed on top of the yolk after fertilization. The following three hours of development, rapid, synchronous cleavage occurs within the blastodisc to generate a blastula embryo of around 1000 cells" kim_radford

"into what will be a characteristic vertebrate body plan." this makes the sentence too long and hard to read ---> "into a characteristic vertebrate body plan" kim_radford

Sections are short. No section on Axis Signaling.

Score:25/30 Intro:2 You have a wide coverage of topics but the focus of the article isn't clear. It seems to talk more about usage in labs and lifecycle. Content:16 A lot of the concepts are advanced and only briefly elaborated on making them harder to connect. Some facts may need proofreading (ie micrometer to meter conversion) Style:2 Overall this followed Wikipedia instructions but some words are repetitive and sentence structure is sometimes wordy. Citations:5 Great job! Clukatradford (talk) 15:42, 28 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Intro: 0.5 - Sentence fragments need to be combined - More information needs to be added about the overall topic - No citations

Content: 14 - Sentence fragments in the Lifecycle and Cleavage sections need to be combined - More in-depth, detailed information and supporting needs to be added to each section - No axis signaling section

Style: 1.5 - Need more coverage - Coverage needs to be more balanced for each section

Citations: 5 — Preceding unsigned comment added by Eamos2 (talk • contribs) 16:01, 28 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]