User talk:Hhills/sandbox

Critque for Joesph Helmer's lead section

1. I think that Joseph's lead section has good points and it gives a quick overview of Teten's life that can be expanded on later. 2. I think it is known right off the bat that Howard Teten is going to be the main topic. The points aren't really summarized, it is sort of just a short biography of his life. 3. I think it does establish notability considering there is no previous article on Howard Teten and our group is the creating a completely new article. There are no sources listed so that needs to be added to your lead section. Hhills (talk) 16:39, 28 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Critique for Matthew Hofer's lead section

1. The beginning word for the lead section should be the topic of the article and this is missing. 2. The section does give good information about Teten's life it seems to be a bit out of order though. 3. Needs to add sources to the article. Hhills (talk) 06:31, 3 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback

@Hhills, Joseph.helmer, and Matthew.d.hofer: Nice work on your draft. I agree with Dr Council - it would improve readability if you wrote slightly longer paragraphs. You might also want to add an infobox to summarize the major bits of information about Teten. A few other, mostly formatting things.

You should add links to other Wikipedia articles. Topics and terms that are likely to be unfamiliar to the average reader should be linked the first time they appear in the article. Links would also help tie this article to others about FBI profiling, and maybe some of the cases themselves.
I recommend that you convert your references properly formatting references using the Cite tool in the visual editor. If you aren’t sure how to do this, please revisit the section of the training module beginning on this page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:05, 27 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Comment from Dr. Council:I think it’s just about ready to go. You need to attach the lead to the main body of the article. Also, use level two section headings rather than bold type. I made that change for you on Early life. You should also put some more information in the inbox. Let me know when you make these changes, and I’ll be ready to approve it. Finally, rewrite some sections to be more formal. Some places you sound like you're telling a story. J.R. Council (talk) 19:11, 2 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]