User talk:Csmccloskey
UPDATED Peer Review by Chantal Durgana
[edit]Hi Chris! As per your request, I have also focused on the Biography and Museum sections.
Again, I really think your article is well-written and gets the important information about Freer to the reader.
In the Biography section: First, breaking up this section really helps with clarity! I found a few copy edits that you may want to note:
- In the Industry, Railroads, and Retirement section: sentence reads "taking over a the majority"
- In the Industry, Railroads, and Retirement section: At the end of the first paragraph, the use of 1899 is redundant, I suggest taking out one of them!
- In the Industry, Railroads, and Retirement section: Not sure if this was a typo in the dates, but did he start collecting art in the 1880s or 1890s? If it is the 1880's, I would suggest adding that piece of information earlier in the section to remain consistent with the chronology of the article.
In the Museum section:
- When you reference the Fine Arts National Commission, I would just add a brief (a few words) description of what that is. Coming from a layman perspective in terms of art and museum studies, I am unaware of what that body is or what it does.
- Is there a specific reason he supported Asian and Middle Eastern studies? If so, I would include that when you mention that he supports scholarships for this.
- This may also be because I am a layman when it comes to art and museum studies, but the second to last paragraph confused me a bit. Do you mean to say that the Freer Gallery of Art does not accept any gifts of art work? I would just flesh this section out so that someone who isn't as well-versed in this study can understand fully what it means.
- Not sure if you intentionally put the last sentence there for emphasis or to separate it from the length of the section, but I would move it earlier in the section to remain consistent with the chronology of the section.
Hope these are helpful! Best of luck. CDurgana (talk) 01:39, 20 March 2017 (UTC)
Peer Review by Harshita Gaba
[edit]Hi Chris! Great article on Charles Lang Freer. I have focused my peer review on the Biography and Museum sections.
Starting by looking at the lead itself, I find the general importance of Charles Lang Freer and that the lead presents the most important information from the rest of the article. Also, the article draws information from a large list of reliable sources- yay! I think the External Links are a great addition to the page, as I am able to see the plethora of artwork referenced in the article.
General copy edits: “:79Charles Lang Freer (February 25, 1854 – September 25, 1919) was an…” (I don’t know if the :79 superscript before Charles is intentional, but it seems out of place to me) “…hiring the young man as his paymaster and accountant in 1874.[3]:17” (I think the :17 behind the superscript citation is unintentional) “…using connections made in the railroad business and the financial backing of a group of…” (I think “of a group” is not necessary here) “The economic :387depression of the 1890s paired” (superscript :387 seems unintentional) “Freer was diagnosed with neurasthenia, a nervous condition widespread amongst the upper-class in the United States.[6]:78“ (Superscript :78 unnecessary, twice more this occurs in the same paragraph)
- Multiple citations within the article are followed by :#. At first I thought this was unintentional, but I realize that this may be the page number. I am not sure what is the correct protocol here.
The section on the Freer Gallery of Art is very comprehensive and well-written, but I’m wondering if it would be possible to diversify the sources used. This would ensure that the article doesn’t lean too heavily into a single point of view, or be accused of doing so.
Finally, considering that Freer’s art collection seems to be what he is most famous for, I’m wondering if a subsection devoted to his Retirement/Art Collection in the Biography section may present more balanced coverage of his life. I was thinking that the “Industry, Railroads, and Retirement” in the Biography section could be separated into two sections, because it is longer than the rest and includes significant times of his life. Hgaba (talk) 16:12, 19 March 2017 (UTC)
Peer Review
[edit]I think your article is really well written! The photos you've added make the article look better aesthetically. I would suggest, when you're finished with your edits, to read through the article and look for any subjective language used when describing aspects of Freer's career, I didn't notice many but it couldn't hurt to check! Also, if it is possible and it exists, I think one way to enhance your article would be to add more information about Freer's life before his career or his life outside of his career. I was also thinking it'd be cool to include some current or notable exhibits at the Freer Gallery of Art! All in all, I think it looks great. 03:26, 18 March 2017 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by CDurgana (talk • contribs)
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Csmccloskey, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Adam and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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