User talk:Antipater223/sandbox

Evaluation - AFpsu1

Spelling/Grammar Meets Expectations I noticed a few slight errors with punctuation marks here and there, but nothing major. Spelling/Grammar overall was good.

Language Meets Expectations All of the language seemed to meet expectations.

Organization Exceeds Expectations The organization seemed good - all of your information seemed to go in order and transition well from paragraph to paragraph.

Coding Exceeds Expectations I didn't notice a problem with any of your links. Everything seemed to check out!

Validity Exceeds Expectations Everything seems good!

Completion Exceeds Expectations Looks really thorough and complete to me!

Relevance Exceeds Expectations All of your paragraphs related to each other and transitioned nicely.

Sources Exceeds Expectations There are a lot of sources here. I can't tell which ones are yours and which ones were originally there since there are around 80 sources, but either way it looks very complete and all of the sources seem to check out!

Citations Exceeds Expectations All citations seem to work great.

References Meets Expectations All of your sources seem to be pretty strong and reliable ones from what I noticed!

11/08/2018 Evaluation by Acrimin

• Points: 21
• Grade: 53%

Spelling/Grammar

Nearly Meets Expectations "In 1798, the Order left the islands and the French occupation of Malta began.[35] This was accomplished when [Napoleon] on his way to Egypt, decided Malta was too strategic a location not to take. Issuing a call to surrender and for his fleet to be allowed to port, he was told only four ship could enter. Sending troops onto shore, he was able to easily secure the understaffed garrisons and its disheartened soldiers after 24 hours when much of the native Maltese chose to support France.[36] After the siege, all the wealth of the Order was taken except three relics; the hand of John the Baptist, a piece of the True Cross and an icon from Rhodes. The majority of spoils were placed on the ship L'Orient, which was later sunk to the sea.[37]" In this paragraph "four ship" should be "four ships" and there should be a specific source for that number. It also needs some general spelling and language fixes regarding the sentence "sending troops onto shore."

Language

Does Not Expectations In this paragraph "A siege from the Turkish Sultan Suleiman the Magnificent in 1522 forced the Order to make an armistice where they agreed to leave the island unmolested.[16] Malta was then owned by the [Charles V]. Charles donated the island to the knights as a new headquarters, where they could continue their goal of harassing Barbary pirates.[17]" I would suggest chaning the last sentence to past tense, because when you mention the Barbary pirates being harrassed, you do so in present tense.

"Back then, the only fortified building on the peninsula was a small watchtower[18] dedicated to Erasmus of Formia (Saint Elmo), which had been built in 1488. But Charles V had sent an Italian engineer, Antonio Ferramolino, to supervise the transformation of a mostly barren island into a military fortress.[19]" This section and the one beneath it could use some general restructuring when it comes to language, just to make sure it flows well, because at present it feels very choppy.

"Valletta today stands as good example of a modern resort city, where much of the economy is supported by cultural tourism. The growth of this industry has moved from the most recent past of mainly British travelers, to a more international one.[45] This focus on tourism however has affected the cost and livability of the city, which ironically, makes less ideal to many tourists. An attempt is being made to try and promote non-historical sights of the city and try to draw people to the nightlife, arts and interest of the locals for fear that the city is suffering from ‘museumification’. There is also the question if improvements to areas that were destroyed in World War II should focus just on its knightly past, but on its other cultural roots.[46] A newer and growing population of non-Europeans in Malta is also changing this focus of what constitutes the cultural core and interests of its population, as shown by an events like "Malta through Chinese Eyes", which seeks to show the influence of the 900 Chinese who live on the island.[47] These reasons are why Valletta has been selected as the European Capital of Culture for 2018.[48]" This paragraph requires major restructuring for readability and tone changes. Saying it is a "good example" of a resort city is an opinion, and it needs to be removed. Use only facts that you have sources for. "Less ideal" is also an opinion, you could for example say more expensive and provide a specific number or example of how prices have risen. Just go through this paragraph again is my suggestion.

Organization

Expectations? "Back then, the only fortified building on the peninsula was a small watchtower[18] dedicated to Erasmus of Formia (Saint Elmo), which had been built in 1488. But Charles V had sent an Italian engineer, Antonio Ferramolino, to supervise the transformation of a mostly barren island into a military fortress.[19]" This section and the one beneath it could use some general restructuring when it comes to language, just to make sure it flows well, because at present it feels very choppy." This section could use some general restructuring to ensure that it flows well, as stated above, but the issue is both with language and organization hence the double mention.

"In 1552, the watchtower was demolished and the larger Fort Saint Elmo was built in its place.[20] It was connected by a drawbridge to the small port town of Birgu, which became the new capital of Malta after the earlier town of Mdina.[21]" has its own section, and it would do better if it was blended back into the paragraph above.

"The city of Valletta was mostly complete by the early 1570s, and it became the capital on 18 March 1571 when Grand Master Pierre de Monte moved from his seat at Fort St Angelo in Birgu to the Grandmaster's Palace in Valletta. Seven Auberges were built for the Order's Langues, and these were complete by the 1580s.[26][27] An eighth Auberge, Auberge de Bavière, was later added in the 18th century.[28]" this paragraph was clearer when it was two paragraphs as it was originally.

"In 1798, the Order left the islands and the French occupation of Malta began.[35] This was accomplished when [Napoleon] on his way to Egypt, decided Malta was too strategic a location not to take. Issuing a call to surrender and for his fleet to be allowed to port, he was told only four ship could enter. Sending troops onto shore, he was able to easily secure the understaffed garrisons and its disheartened soldiers after 24 hours when much of the native Maltese chose to support France.[36] After the siege, all the wealth of the Order was taken except three relics; the hand of John the Baptist, a piece of the True Cross and an icon from Rhodes. The majority of spoils were placed on the ship L'Orient, which was later sunk to the sea.[37]" In this paragraph, try not to use feeling descriptions such as "disheartened" because it takes away from the academic tone of the writing. Also give an exact date for the L'Orient sinking if possible. General descriptors like "later" also take away from the desired tone.

Coding

Does Not Meet Expectations There's an error at the top of the page that can be erased, just the "AdvancedSpecial charactersHelpCite TemplatesNamed referencesNamed referencesError checkCheck for errors"

"In 1552, the watchtower was demolished and the larger Fort Saint Elmo was built in its place.[20] It was connected by a drawbridge to the small port town of Birgu, which became the new capital of Malta after the earlier town of Mdina.[21]" is coded to stand out when it doesn't need to be and is not a particularly relevant piece of information on its own.

"After the Maltese rebelled, French troops continued to occupy Valletta and the surrounding harbour area, until they capitulated to the British in September 1800. In the early 19th century, the British Civil Commissioner, Henry Pigot, agreed to demolish the majority of the city's fortifications.[38] The demolition was again proposed in the 1870s and 1880s, but it was never carried out and the fortifications have survived largely intact.[14]" again this has its own odd section, it may be a coding error? blend it with the rest of the article.

Validity

Meets Expectations Your information is solid and factual, and you've done your research when it comes to your topic.

Completion

Does Not Meet Expectations You fufill the requirement for at least two paragraphs of written material added, but you do not meet the required amount of sources (10 different sources, you have five).

Relevance

Meets Expectations The content you've added expands upon relevant information in the article.

Sources

Expectations? I'm not sure a magazine counts as a good source, and I do see that Renaissance magazine was used for multiple sources. You only have five different sources in total, some of which you use multiple times to make the total count ten. One is a magazine, one is a website on military architechture, and three are various books and scholarly articles. I'd say all of your sources except the magazine are solid, but you're still missing half of the amount of sources you need.

Citations

Expectations? As stated above, you only have five of the required 10 different sources/citations, and four of those are solid.

References

Expectations? Your citations and references are filled in properly, but again, you only have five different ones, and four that I would personally count.

11/10/2018 Evaluation by Hannahshipman

Hannahshipman (talk)

Spelling/Grammar

Meets Expectations Looks okay. There are some small errors that you could fix; for instance, "sunk to the sea" just doesn't sound right, so maybe "The majority [or, simply, Most] of the spoils were placed... L'Orient, which [was later sunk, was lost at sea, sunk before reaching its destination]." Also, "[However,] this focus on tourism has...," and "if improvements… should focus on its knightly past alone, [or] on its other cultural roots."

Language

Exceeds Expectations I don't see any substandard or nongrammical forms. The piece sounds formal but it easy to read, so it's perfect for the everyday reader.

Organization

Nearly meets Expectations Some of your information could be a little bit better mixed with the existing content, but I recognize that it is hard to integrate your paragraphs into existing work. Also, more information about where and what you edited would have been helpful beforehand, so we don't have to compare the Wikipedia article to yours step by step. Either mentioning it in the group thread or marking it in your sandbox (i.e., a note before the copy of the page, highlighting your text with a different color, etc.)greatly helps the reviewers.

Coding

Meets Expectations There's a mention of [Napoleon] that I assume was supposed to be Napoleon, with two brackets, and the same for Charles V. Your link to the Sultan I think was supposed to link to Suleiman the Magnificent; check it out.

Validity

Meets Expectations Lots of interesting information. As far as I can tell, it's all useful and well-supported.

Completion

Exceeds Expectations I think you have at least two paragraph's worth!

Relevance

Exceeds Expectations It ties together well.

Sources

Meets Expectations They seem pretty good. I can't directly check some of them (which I presume you got into through the PSU library); however, you have good range of sources, mixing scholarly work with other sources. I think The New York Times article was a good choice because it has so much information that some of it is bound to be useful if only for cross-checking and knowing what to look for.

Citations

Exceeds Expectations They all connect to the bottom, and there are exactly ten different ones.

References

Meets Expectations Some of have red errors like "unknown parameters" which should definitely be fixed. They seem to be fine otherwise.