User talk:Aditi bhansali
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Peer Review
[edit]I will focus on the Health Consequences section:
This section nicely covers both cardiac problems and alternative problems linked with obesity. I would suggest moving the paragraph starting 'high levels of android fat have been associated with obesity' above the paragraph starting 'women who are infertile'. This would mean that your (great) link to anorexia isn't so out of the blue.
The link to offspring is really interesting, but may not fit into this health section. This point has the potential be expanded on and moved to a different section all together. Within this section, you could focus on factors that influence you android fat levels (e.g. maternal age[1]).
You've covered a great amount of studies here, but you could work on linking them together a little bit more. In the case of your two insulin points this could really easily be changed by saying '...as well as both an increased resistance to, and insensitivity to, insulin in obese children and adolescents'. This would enable your points to be seen as really strong by your reader and create a clearer structure.
Additionally, to allow for readers to check phrases they may not fully understand, or may want to read up on (e.g. cardiovascular disease) adding a few extra links to external pages would really enhance your article.
Lastly, having read your section, I was wondering whether there would be an influence of android fat on mental health? from a quick google search I came across this reference:[2]. This may be an interesting start for a new subheading under the health consequences section. This would also allow you to extensively cover both the phsycial and psychological consequences of android fat distribtuion.
Overall, I think this is a great start to the section with only a few minor tweaks necessary to make is read really nicely! Psuncv (talk) 17:32, 12 March 2016 (UTC)
- ^ Savage, T., Derraik, J. G., Miles, H. L., Mouat, F., Hofman, P. L., & Cutfield, W. S. (2013). Increasing maternal age is associated with taller stature and reduced abdominal fat in their children. PloS one, 8(3), e58869.
- ^ Davis, C., & Cerullo, D. (1996). Fat distribution in young women: Associations and interactions with behavioural, physical and psychological factors. Psychology, Health & Medicine, 1(2), 159-167.