User:Theperfectson

Damien Alldrick 1991-Present

Damien Andrew Alldrick was born in Morrison Hospital Sunday 8th December, He is the Proud son of this parents Mum and Dad. At the age of 20mins old Damien Alldrick did the Impossible and performed many unbelievable things that included a backflip and moon walking.

Over the years Damien Alldrick Talents have made him A true pioneer to his community, at aged just 5 he broke the World Record of being the only Boy in history to pogo-stick mount Kilimanjaro! A feat that still hasn't been repeated to this day.

Dylan Thomas community school had the privilege of teaching this incredible brave man, it was whilst he was in Dylan Thomas school he received the pride of Britain award, for putting his life on the line with no care for himself and saved a dog in the only SHARK ATTACK ever at Swansea bay. Damien bravely fought the Shark (a great white) and even had the Shark in a head lock giving it a noggie, as the dog paddled to safety sadly missing a paw. Damien later adopted the dog and gave it as a gift to this neice and nephew.

Damien is also the First person ever to graduate with a dunce hat, The local people of Swansea wanted Damien Alldrick to ran for government but he kindly declined with his only comment about politics being "It needs alot more than the touch of Damien Alldrick to sort that mess out".

Damien Alldrick bravery didn't go un-noticed, and he was rewarded with an MBE from the queen after hitting the headlines after performing the very popular YMCA dance during a bank robbery, Damien was one of six people in the bank when 18 men stormed in and demanded hundreds from the terrified cashier, and when he had the "ringleaders" attention he judo flipped him. Damien simultaneously judo-tossed the other 17 men and sat on them as the other hostages left safely, he stayed in the bank awaiting Emergency services.

Damien Alldrick hit the news worldwide after watching a television advert about starving kids in Africa asking for £2 he decided drastic action was needed! Damien ordered 17,000 pizzas from Dominos pizza, However to Mr Alldricks horror Dominos refused to deliver the Pizza to the children, Hurt and Angry by Dominos refusal Damien decided to take his custom elsewhere, The Honourable Man brought 14,000 worth of food and water from Asda and decided to deliver them in person, Damien was seen as a GOD to the African population and really enjoyed his time out there, however when the people of Africa tasted the food from Asda he was horrified to learn that the African people would rather starve than eat that sh*t.

Damien Alldrick was once attacked by Luis "horse Teeth" Suarez. During this unprovoked attack Damien suffered numerous Bite wounds, However it was Damien Alldrick who had the last laugh because it was Mr Donkey features himself who needed the tetanus!!

Damien Alldricks heroics helped a poor Kenyan school and its children from an 80foot crocodile. The crocodile was reported entering the mud-hut establishment looking for food, but the crocodile was surprised when the terrified children's cries were heard by Mr Alldrick, who entered to hut harmed with a jar of marmite. Damien started taunting the 80foot reptile and smothering himself with marmite, then in a true moment of supreme madness Mr Alldrick belly-flopped on top of the 80foot beast as the screaming children run to safety. Then before help could arrive to assist this brave warrior Mr Alldrick he was bitten by the hungry Crocodile, but after biting Mr Alldrick the crocodile ran (well slithered) away!! When asked why he thought the crocodile ran away the very modest Damien answered by simply saying "its Marmite you either love it or hate it...... And that crocodile HATED IT"

Mr Alldrick is Never one to blow is own trumpet but the time he saved Mr Barack Obamas life is something that deserves acknowledging, it started when Mr alldrick broke into the white-house and stole Mr Obamas pet ferret Percy, after hearing Mr Obamas Pleads on U.S TV for Percy to be returned Mr Alldrick felt Guilty and decided to brake into the white-house again and return the pet ferret to its cage, but disaster strikes when Mr Alldrick brakes back into the white-house because Mr Alldrick witnesses Mr Obama being threatened by the very vicious Costa Rica Mafia, Not wanting to play hero Mr Alldrick decided to call 999 but those ignorant F**ks couldn't do anything, at a lose end Mr Alldrick faced a tough decision does he help the President or leave him die?? At that moment he thought to himself what would the Ninja Turtles do??? Then after a 20 second debate he decided to face the Cubans....... Mr Alldrick pumped aload of helium into his body so he looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger and barged into Mr Obamas Presidential suite and poked the Cubans in the eyes and when they weren't looking he and Mr Obama performed a variety of Kung-Fu combos, if Mr Alldrick was Chinese it would of looked like a scene out of rush hour, which eliminated the Cuban Mafia, but before he left Mr Alldrick told Mr Obama that everytime Mr Obama has had the pleasure of welcoming Damien into his house Mr Alldrick always steals from there, and on that note Mr Alldrick reached into the pockets of the Cuban Mafia leader and enjoyed smoking his Cubans with Mr Obama.

Damien Alldrick continued in his growing list of first's when he became the first man from Wales to walk on the moon! Damien tried following in Neil Armstrong footsteps but its been over 50 years and have disappeared. Not to disheartened Damien decided this was the perfect opportunity to create history and have his great name cemented into the history books alongside Adolf Hitler,Henry 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 and 8 and Guy Fawkes. Mr Alldrick decided the only think better than walking on the moon was to masturbate on it. When he returned from his adventure he was always asked why??? A question always answered with the same reply " I wish I didn't do it........ No gravity in space........ So I ended up shooting myself in the eye"

People think that Damien met his beloved fiancée at Mecca Bingo however the truth is alittle more embarrassing!! You see Mr Alldrick was on a little holiday in Memphis Tennessee enjoying a beer and listening to REAL music (Mowtown) when suddenly a tornado spinning twister thing started destroying everything in sight. As the hillbillies unfortunate enough to live in Memphis started to panic as buildings crumbled around them, Mr Alldrick was annoyed that he couldn't listen to Marvin Gaye and appreciate it properly because of the screams decided that instead of panicking he was going to calmly assess the situation and avoid the twister that was hitting Memphis at 287mph, as Mr Alldrick avoided a tree that just fell into his path, he heard this cry shouting out for help "I don't want to die" shouted this woman, Damien tried searching for this woman tracing her through her voice that echoed as she answered Damiens calls of "hello are you ok?? As time went on the cries were getting louder and the woman pleads were getting more desperate when suddenly Mr Alldrick located the woman hanging on a branch in a tree 300ft in the air. Damien knew he had to act fast and decided to try something spectacular to reach this poor woman, he knew the easiest option was to leave her there, and he did contemplate that at first, but he knew that if this woman was going to survive she needed the Damien Alldrick luck! Damien thought is luck had ran out when he couldn't reach the woman after jumping for 40seconds, but in a quick seconds he remembered something he once saw on tv A FLYING CARPET!! Damien entered a deserted home and "borrowed" some carpet and with the winds hitting 287mph he managed to fly up to the woman and fly her to safety on his magic carpet, However disaster strikes as Mr Alldrick is encouraging the woman to step onto the carpet the tornado eases and Damien Alldrick falls 300ft to the floor...... Luckily Mr Alldrick escaped with severe carpet burns, and feeling guilty for getting stuck in the tree in the first place the woman reveled herself to be Sophie Rees and promised to care for Damien as he recovered, little realizing they would be happy ever after!!

A cold winter night in 2007, it was lucky Damien Alldrick stayed over his uncles to watch Ricky Hatton "Boxing" it all started when his cousin walked the dog down the road, literally 30seconds later he came back out of breath and sweating"Dad there's a bear outside" he stated, Damien and his uncle laughed "Don't be so stupid" his uncle said grabbing to dog leash and whipping the tears of laughter from his face, however disaster struck as my uncle got to the bottom of his steps as he comes face to face with the bear. As his uncle jumps to the floor playing dead his son and nephew looked on in horror, but in a sure proud moment as his cousin shut the door hiding for safety Damien Jumped into his uncle neighbours and snuck up on the wild beast and intervened as the bear was viciously attacking his uncle, Damien punched,kicked and scramed the bear but the bear continued the assult, But Damien Alldrick knew exactly what to do in a crisis he phoned his mum....... Angry that his mum rejected his calls due to bingo he was at a lose end, then he had a light bulb over his head idea, he did the two things everyone hates including bears, in that moment he grabbed the bear by its testicles and give the bear a wet willy (STUCK HIS WET FINGER IN THE EAR OF THE BEAR SO NO DIRTY IDEAS!!) The bear screams woke up the whole neighbourhood as it ran away home to tell the other bears NOT to mess with Damien Alldrick!! (please Note I cant name the family that this involved due to the fact Mr.Alldrick doesn't want them to lose there "Manly image")

After watching the commonwealth games it reminded me of the glorious day Damien Alldrick won gold, Damien had always been a great sports superstar but thought is dreams had been shattered when he lost his arm, during a vicious attack by 67 hungry goldfish, But Damien Alldrick decided this was the perfect opportunity to prove he his better with one arm, than most people are with two, so he decided to be the 1st ever one armed Boxer! At times people mocked Damien and didn't take him seriously however Damien had the last laugh as he danced and boxed his way to a GOLD medal, his tremendous talent had the greatest boxers of all time quaking in their boots, Damien Alldrick once had a man quit during instructions, In a hotly anticipated bout Damien Alldrick was due to fight Joe Calzague in the battle of Wales, however Joe Calzague retired stating he has had a great career he could be proud of, but getting in the ring with Mr.One Arm Damien Alldrick would just he career suicide.