User:Paigebrazil
Fellow Users:
[edit]Howdy! I am a student at Texas A&M University and I am currently enrolled in an undergraduate technical editing course. One of our major projects is editing a Wikipedia article. I have never used this interface before, but I am learning and excited for this challenge. I will be editing National Museum (Prague) and Dairy product, both of which are listed below with some of my thoughts on what needs editing.
Comprehensive Edit - National Museum (Prague)
[edit]Right off the bat, I feel as if the first sentence is a little wordy; I think it can be more concise and get to the point sooner. The following two sentences are choppy and do not contribute to the flow of information. Moving to the "Origins" section, the flow of information seems inadequate and not very structured. I think there should be a hyperlink for "French Revolution," some background information, or both because not every reader will be familiar with that era of time. Likewise, this section mentions The Society of Patriotic Friends of the Arts - what is it? who was a part of it? how did/does it impact the museum? is it still in effect today? There is some background information regarding the society, however I feel it is minimal and doesn't fully help the reader understand the importance/relationship between them and the museum. The "The National Museum in Prague" section is, for the most part, thorough with the information presented. I am seeing more of the wordy, lengthy sentences that could be more concise for a better flow/understanding of information. The "Collections and Departments" section needs to be reworked. The current organization is seems cramped and each section not indicated by a bullet seem random and out of flow. I also think the headings in this section need some work. The "Main Building" section seems random and thrown into the article. I want to integrate that information in a better way, I'm just not sure how I want to do that quite yet. Overall, the main issues I see are: structure/organization, flow of information, sentence structure, and copy editing needs.
Sandbox: User:Paigebrazil/sandbox/nationalmuseum
Comprehensive Edit - Dairy product
[edit]This is an interesting article. I have previously written a 20-page paper on why humans should not consume milk past infancy, hence why I chose this article to potentially work with. This is a topic that interests me tremendously. Although this article focuses on dairy product rather than reactions the body can have in response to milk, there are still several edits that can be made. I think the introduction/definition of dairy product is pretty spot on. The "Types of dairy products" list seems well-organized at first, but a closer read will prove otherwise. The first bullet point is describing milk, but there are terms (such as the bacteria) that need a little more explanation. Most of the products are hyperlinked and have some information about them, but not all. I think all of the products should be hyperlinked (if there is a subsequent article) and have a few sentences describing what the product is. Caesin is a very important component in milk, yet it is not described well. The "Health" section is very small; the health aspect of dairy products should be lengthy and detailed so audiences know exactly what dairy does in your body (i.e. benefits, side effects, etc.). The "Consumption patterns world wide" section seems random and not important to the context of the rest of the article. I think the "Avoidance" section is a good section to have, but it seems thrown together and the information can be presented in a more effective manner.
I think it is important to change the list into paragraphs (one for milk, butter, cheese, etc.) in order to abide by Wikipedia's encyclopedia style.
Sandbox: User:Paigebrazil/sandbox#Types of Dairy Products
 | This user is a student editor in Texas_AM/Technical_Editing_(Spring_2019). |
- Needs more citations; lots of information but very little sources
- In general, the article could be more in-depth
- Needs copyediting
- Needs a better flow of visuals
- Each heading and subheading can benefit from more information; there is a major lack of information over topics
- Maybe even adding more visuals would help audiences better understand the topic
- Grammar/copyediting
5 Articles to Improve
[edit]I will list them in order of preference. I appreciate any guidance or suggestion as to which article would allow for deep, comprehensive editing.