User:Drnewell29/sandbox
Early Stage of Battle
[edit]When the phalanxes of the Chalcidians clashed with those of the Athenians, it was clear that the Athenians had a great advantage. The local Chalcidian hoplites made up the center and right hand portions of the army while hired Peloponnesian forces made up the left side. The locals on the Chalcidian side gave way first, forcing the mercenaries to fall back as well. This left the Chalcidian army worn and strained, and the battle looked very promising for the Atheninans. [1]
Later Stage of Battle
[edit]After the Chalcidian side was worn down by the Athenians, the Chalcidians were reinforced by troops sent from Olynthus. With the help of the troops from Olynthus, the Chalcidians rallied back against the Athenians much stronger than before. They had learned that the Athenians did not have the experience or equipment to defend against large numbers of javelins, so when they came back strengthened by their allies and with a new tactic, the Chalcidians forced the Athenians to retreat. As the Athenians retreated, Chalcidian cavalry and light infantry chased down the Athenians to inflict further damage upon them. The Athenians tried multiple counter-attacks to defend themselves from further harm, but each time the Chalcidians were able to evade the attacks. The back ranks of Athenian troops began to abandon those at the front, allowing them to be overwhelmed, surrounded, and killed, including their general, Xenophon. [2]
Statistics
[edit]On the Athenian side of the battle were 2,000 hoplites, 200 cavalry, and around 500 light troops. [3] [4]
Aftermath
[edit]Between a fifth and a fourth of the Athenian troops were killed in this battle- twice as much as was expected prior to the battle. This brutal defeat showed Athens what would be required of them to win the war. [5]
==Notes==I would get someone to proof-read over this because I caught slight errors. For instance the use of the word "clear" in the first sentence, I would get rid of the second clear. Besides those errors, everything else is great. Do you know who were Chalcidians allies exactly? Do you know the statistics of Chalcidians? It would be great if you mentioned their statistics as well. ~~~~ HannahMoore350
==Notes==As Hannah said, try to get a proof reading done on the first paragraph. The way the topic is introduced is a little weird. Maybe instead of 'Once' use something like 'When' or something to support the start of the sentence with a previous sentence laying out a back drop for the sentence starting with 'once'. The second paragraph is good, it is clear and concise. If you can add more info that would be even better. As for the statistics, try to find more statistics. like the deaths, injuries etc. Finally, have a sentence giving a short summary of what the battle was caused by with a sentence or two. It helps to summarize so that when someone does read this they are reminded of the context of the battle and it doesn't feel detached to the time. ~~~~ PJhaveri
==Notes=="The local Chalcidian hoplites made up the center and right hand portions of the army" needs a comma after it. In the case of Peloponnesian, I believe it should be capitalized. Perhaps you could revise the sentence that says, "After the Chalcidian side was worn down by the Athenians, they were reinforced by troops sent from Olynthus." This sentence makes it unclear as to who exactly received the troops. Did the Athenians or the Chalcidians? It is made clear further into the article, but perhaps you could articulate it better in this sentence. I agree with the others. It might sound better to say "when" instead of "once." ~~~~ Lukeav
Article Evaluation- Eumenes II
[edit]This article needs work on the lead and the information in "Early Life" section is not all applicable to his early life. This article could be improved my moving some of the information from the "early life" section into the lead or by splitting this section into multiple sections and adding information to the lead and the new sections. The "Campaigns" section, however, is good. The only thing I would suggest for the "Campaigns" section would be subsections to make it easier to navigate through.
- ^ Jr, Fred Eugene Ray, (2011). Land battles in 5th century B.C. Greece : a history and analysis of 173 engagements. Jefferson, N.C.: McFarland. ISBN 0786467738.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: extra punctuation (link) CS1 maint: multiple names: authors list (link) - ^ Jr, Fred Eugene Ray, (2011). Land battles in 5th century B.C. Greece : a history and analysis of 173 engagements. Jefferson, N.C.: McFarland. ISBN 0786467738.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: extra punctuation (link) CS1 maint: multiple names: authors list (link) - ^ Jr, Fred Eugene Ray, (2011). Land battles in 5th century B.C. Greece : a history and analysis of 173 engagements. Jefferson, N.C.: McFarland. ISBN 0786467738.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: extra punctuation (link) CS1 maint: multiple names: authors list (link) - ^ West, Allen Brown (1912). The History of the Chalcidic League. Madison, Wisconsin: Bulletin of the University of Wisconsin.
- ^ Jr, Fred Eugene Ray, (2011). Land battles in 5th century B.C. Greece : a history and analysis of 173 engagements. Jefferson, N.C.: McFarland. ISBN 0786467738.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: extra punctuation (link) CS1 maint: multiple names: authors list (link)