User:Doc O'Kearney

So, me, eh? Well, I'm a pretty cool duck, at least that's what my mother says. She has been there since before I was born, so I'll take her word. I was born aboard a ghost ship moored high above an orange orchard in downtown San Diego--even to this day I can't be comfortable at low altitude and I still retain a deep passion for small sailboatsmanship.

Along with my twin brother Remus, we lived in a cave with a hirsute caregiver until I was old enough to take back The Kingdom. During those early years I was a very well-behaved boy who only got into trouble a few times a day. I was privileged because we spoke Spanish (some people have all the luck, I guess), so I had a huge Family of Choice during the summer months in Fresno Valley. Granted, I only had uncles and they changed with the harvest season... We were very wealthy and we could even afford borrowing a 5'x5' subsistence garden.

As a child I had a strong affinity for animals and a very tender heart for pets, so my father felt I was perfect for livestock ranching and I learned to love everything about our furry friends--cierto que si con sal y chilé. Despite the ranching, in school I demonstrated a strong aptitude for the arts, so naturally everybody told me to pursue a career as an egg-head scientist.

At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shivved me and sent me on fosterage in the Promised Land (everyone should return to Ireland to die). Still, as a young man I was really just a home-body and hated to go on walkabout, which prevented me from having to visit *all* 7 continents (still managing to avoid Oz...).

I thought it was far too cold in Africa and tried to warm things up with some venture capital. We worked extensively on the development of the question mark, but market share was hard to win. Shortly after inventing the Pyramids, I decided to move back to the Rez.

When I had recharged my batteries for functioning postal services, paved roads and mass transit I moved the family into the Santa Fe National Forest. They've been very nice to me here and I am only in court once a month or so. Things are also looking up at work and my contract guarantees that the beatings will continue until we lose our funding.

I've lived a fairly rich life, so I might have lost track of how much money I owe you. Let me know if you need five quid (I'll take out a loan).

Doc O'Kearney (talk) 19:29, 29 December 2015 (UTC)